Pineapples and Cherries
by MarinaNamaste
Summary: Senior year could not have gone any worse or any better for Jake. Follow as he finds a 5'1" ballet dancing, perfect bundle of honest and Carpe Diem kind of feisty-NESS...or maybe she finds him. She helps him be a better man. She pushes and encourages. She loves with passion. She's his cherry on top... WINNER- for Best Cannon pairing at the Non-cannon awards... AU AH COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1 Bella and Pineapple Daiquiris

**WINNER - BEST CANNON PAIRING at the NON-CANNON AWARDS **

**Hey all. I have another Jake/Nessie story for you. AND yes, it's pretty Bella orientated in the beginning few chapters, but this IS a Ness and Jake human story. Pinky promise.**

** I want to give a big shout out to my beta Aretee. Thank you L for all your help. Any errors you all see are mine after the beta-ing. And thankyou also for all the Americanisation L. It must be tricky getting the 'Aussie' out of my words sometimes, but you do it- so thanks.**

**A word of warning, there will be some _real_ lemons in this story, as with _all _my stories. Starting from chapter 1, and then not getting tart again until chapter 19. So here is your notice if you're not into the M+, and if you are... then WELCOME! Enjoy the citrus show.**

**Any who... here we go!**

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**Pineapples and Cherries**

**Chapter One – Bella and Pineapple daiquiris**

Her body is pinned against the back of the bathroom door as I slam into her. Again and again, riding her hard and fast, her head's softly banging against the door with each thrust. Her hands are clawing into my shoulders as she hangs on. Her nails, digging in to my skin as she starts to lose her mind. I'll admit, it's a little painful, but mixing it in with the hard and fast sex, it happily boosts the sensation. Her feet are atop of the counter of the vanity of her father's small bathroom, her toes holding on as her knees open wide while I stand between them. I hold her around the waist, pulling her body into me with each movement, bringing us both closer to that point of release.

"Ed…Jake!" she calls, "Jake." I ignore the little _almost_ slip of the tongue. Instead focus on the throaty gluteal plea of want. It is a sound that I had once only ever thought I would hear in my dreams, the very best and wettest kinds. Now finally, over the spring and the summer, I've become best friend AND boyfriend AND amazing sex against the back of Charlie's bathroom door, lover.

We continue on, fucking while standing upright, the steam of the still vacant shower fills the space, warming us further and creating a wet sheen to both our skins, russet and cream. I don't consider myself a weak guy, in fact I'm pretty proud of my guns, but my arms are starting to burn from the load of holding her up, even as petite as she is. I can feel her walls start to tremble around me and I force my arms to hold for on for just a little longer. There is no way I'm going to stop the rhythm we have going just because of some pissy sore arms. She continues to make some more incomprehensible sounds as her wet and tight walls ripple her orgasm, her final climax a cut off cry as she loses all sense of time and space. Two more thrusts and I start to lose that so carefully maintained rhythm; pausing on the out stroke, then with one mighty plunge, I bring my cock deep into her, my love spilling all the way inside. Well, inside the rubber. A few more concluding thrusts and I'm done. Spent. I manoeuvre her so she can stand on her own two jellied legs. Huffing and panting from the exertion, I lean my head on her bare shoulder, her long brown hair, curling and tickling against my slick chest.

"Oh my god," she pants. "Oh my god." Her eyes are closed and her lashes are fanning over her cheeks as she bumps her head back against the door in an absent and quiet reverence of what we have just shared. Her mouth is slightly open as she attempts to catch her breath and her chest is heaving as I watch her pert tits moving with each breath. Her nipples were a rosy pink, hard and budded, and inviting me to suck. I resist though, I know that after our evening's endeavors she won't be up to anything more for a while. I cup my hand around her neck, my thumb lightly gliding over her swollen and reddened lips. Then it lovingly brushes over a cheek that's in full flush, redden by a combination of the exertion of holding on, the steam of the hot water and the flush of a woman well pleasured. I love her blush. I love _her_. Period.

As our breathing comes back to normal and my dick softens and slips out, I pull off the rubber, knotting it and tossing it into the miniature bin on the counter. She takes a deep quick breath and her eyes open to mine; chestnut meeting with dark bitter-sweet chocolate. I kiss her quickly but meaningfully, "I love you," I whisper against her temple, kissing her lightly again. A smile spreads across my lips as I leant back and tap her playfully on the nose with a finger, breaking the moment before it could get awkward. I make a point of always telling her how I feel, especially after we make love, or have sex, or fuck against the back of a bathroom door—whatever you want to call it. But I don't wait for the reply I know is never coming. I try not to kid myself; I know her heart is still in the hands of another. Another _dickhead_ that is. Doesn't mean her conspicuous silence doesn't sting each time.

She pushes off the door, ducking under my arms and reaching over to adjust the scolding shower water before stepping in. "We're going to be late now," she scolds playfully, her voice echoing slightly from the confined of the cubicle.

"It's your fault Bells, that bra was too good," I counter, stepping under the water spray with her. I press my hands together forming a cup and splashed my face trying to keep my hair dry. We'd been just about to get into the shower and get ready for a local party before the shower got even more 'steamy'. I'd taken one look at the deep red bra set she had on and any thought of cleaning shifted to _dirty_ ones.

"I thought you'd like it," she smiles, teasingly biting her lower lip between her teeth. She knows just how turned on that lip between the teeth thing gets me. Tease.

"Yes. I liked it a lot," I mummer, my deep voice rumbling in my chest as I pull her body flush against mine. Her titties squish like giant, soft marshmallows between us. Both her hands are splayed against my pecs, her fingers sensually outlining the square set of the muscle.

"Well, I promise I'll wear it another time for you. But right now, we have to get out and get dressed." Bella leans over and quickly shuts off the tap. "You know how Alice gets if I'm late, I promised her we'd be the first to get there so she didn't have to be alone when people started to arrive."

Alice is Bella's best _girl_friend. They've been best friends since her and her family arrived in Forks three years ago. Before that, _I_ was Bella's best friend. I guess I still am. But over the last few years, things had gotten a bit confused and we let boys and age and race come between us.

As kids, we had been inseparable. Bella's dad and my dad are best friends, and after her mom left when she was around six, they started spending a hell of a lot of time with us on the Res. My mom became a kind of surrogate mother for her. Cleaning us up when our escapades got messy, letting us help in the kitchen when she baked, mostly it was Bella helping and me licking the bowl. My mom took Bells under her wing and the Swans have been a paleface extension of our family ever since.

That connection was cemented when my mom died. I was eight and Bella was nine and I didn't take it well, I retreated into myself and basically stopped talking and eating straight afterwards. My Bells was there every day for me though. She felt the loss of the woman she considered a mother too and she look a few weeks off school and stayed at our place. She never left me alone, holding my hand through the funeral. She forced me to talk and eventually, to cry over her death. It took her eleven days to get me to cry. We were tucked up together in my twin set bed, my ninja turtle pyjamas on, her in her care bear nightie. She was talking to me about the songs mom used to sing, and she started to hum one of the simple Quileute tunes we'd often hear as she painted in her makeshift studio in the garage loft. That music, echoing out of my best friend's lips had been the last of the memories I'd had of mom, and it was that sound that broke the proverbial camel's back. I cried in Bella's arms that night, for what felt like hours. We ended up sneaking into Rach and Becca's room, pushed their beds together, and squeezed in together with them. I slept well for the first time in almost two weeks that night.

That was what Bella was to me. Back then.

I've always gone go school on the Reservation, and she in Forks. Didn't stop us from hanging out on weekends and school beaks though. That was until the year she went to high school… and I was still in middle. We still saw each other for the monthly Clearwater- Black- Swan pasta nights and when dad and I would come over for the old men to watch a game. But I was a middle schooler and she a high schooler. I was on the Res, she was in the town. I was a boy, she was a girl. That was what had started to define us. Until it got to a point that we hardly saw each other.

It got even worse when the Cullen family moved into town. She became best friends with Alice, and I guess she didn't need me anymore or something. And then she hooked up with Alice's brother, Edward. He was a senior and freaking tall and all the girls swooned over him and suddenly Bella didn't even go to the pasta nights anymore.

I transferred to Forks high for the last three years of high school—better academic and athletic options in a larger school—because I have high hopes for my own future after school and they don't involve saying in La Push for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I'll settle down here, but not during my best years. So, anyway, I transferred to Forks High School, and I was totally in love with her. My sophomore year was total torture for me. My old best friend—who hardly gave me the time of day anymore—was also a totally hot, beautiful, perfect chick. During the lunch breaks, I tried to get Bells to hang with me, even for a little bit. But the 'Ed' was a controlling douche, and the two were practically joined at the hip and at the lips— and the crouch too, or so I'm told. I never _actually_ saw then going for it.

And then good old Ed graduated and left for college. Not before ruthlessly breaking up with her, like… two days before he left. Douche. Those few months after he up and left were harrowing to watch. Overnight she went from a happy normal-ish teenager to a blank, depressed, introverted Emo. She didn't even hang with Alice much either, I guess she reminded her too much of her precious douche. She was like an empty shell. A zombie devoid of all emotions, even the negative ones. At one point I thought for sure she was gunna start cutting just to feel something. It had hurt that none of us were enough to make her feel compete. Not her dad, not Alice… not me.

I had been watching her sitting by herself in the cafeteria one day, at the beginning of her senior year, just sitting and staring at nothing, not touching the meagre amount of food she had on her plate, not talking to anyone. I remembered what she'd done for me all those years ago when it had been _me_ not eating or talking. I made it my personal goal to find the old Bella that I knew and loved, and was best friends with and bring her back to the world of the living.

That was a bit over a year ago, Bells graduated this year and I'll be a senior when school starts back in a few weeks. She is out of her funk now though. Well and truly. We started hanging out a bit more last year. Jake and Bells were back. I'd missed my bestie. We started to do all kinds of stuff together then. We even got hold of some old motor bikes and did them up as a project. That took us until October. Then, one of the guys from school had a Halloween party and we went together as leather clad bikers—purely platonic. But fuck me, did she look hot in leathers?! I'm guessing she thought I did too, because we ended up making out on Mike Newton's parents' bed that night. I lost my virginity to her about two weeks later on that twin size in my room we'd shared almost ten years earlier. And we've been fucking like bunnies ever since. It's been almost nine months, not that I'm keeping score. Well…I sort of am.

Bella is going to Washington State at Pullman next week. I'll miss her, but we've promised to give the long distance thing a try. And I'm going to do my best to get good enough grades to get into college there too. But that's not for another week; seven more days with her, seven more chances to get an "I love you too" out of her. I don't care if she says it after we have sex or maybe just as we're walking down the canned fruit aisle at the Outfitters, I just want to hear her say it because she wants to say it. Seven more days before Charlie and me drive her down to move her into an apartment she will be sharing with another school friend.

But I'm not gunna dwell on what's happening in seven days' time.

Tonight, we're headed over to the Cullen mansion for one of Alice's extravagant, yet thoroughly extraordinary end of summer parties. There should be lots of beer, some really great music, an awesome pool, maybe some skinny dipping, and most definitely NOT a douche bag named Edward in sight. The douche didn't come home this summer. Some kind of band camp, apparently. Good. Didn't need him messing things up when she was so happy now. With me.

So here we are, at least ten minutes early, walking up the driveway of the casa de Cullen. We not even up the first run of the porch steps when the eldest of the good doctor's kids comes barreling out of the front door, lifting Bells up into a giant bear hug. Emmett Cullen. He was like, the _best_ offensive tackle Forks high had ever seen, he got a scholarship to Notre Dame, and he was in the second round draft this year, and is about to start playing for the 49ers. I can't believe he's playing for them, the 49ers… Really? He's a Seahawks fan through and through, we hate the 49ers. Well, me, my dad and Charlie do anyway. But I guess a contract is a contract, and he _is_ pretty good at what he does. And he's a good guy, I wish him well. Unlike his douche brother.

He puts Bella down and the introductions are made. I've met him before, like, three years ago at football camp. I don't expect him to know me, but he says he remembers me. Apparently half decent native QB's are rare and memorable. I guess that's pretty cool.

Then Alice comes out, dragging us both inside by the hand. She wants us to try the virgin frozen daiquiri from the machine she rented. There are two machines actually. One is the virgin strawberry flavor, and the other—the other one—it tasted like a one gazillion proof, not at all virgin, cherry totally popped, pineapple. I go with the pineapple.

I whisper into Bella's ear, "you know babe, they say if you drink pineapple juice, your cum starts to taste sweet like pineapples." I'm willing to do my part to see if it's true. It would be _outstanding_ if she was too.

She gives me an "I can't believe you just said that" look, her cheeks flaming. But then she starts to bite on that plump, luscious lip again, bringing my little J to half-mast. "Is that really true?" she asks, her eyes narrowing as she observes me with skepticism.

I nod, a little smirk forming on my face. "That's what I've heard."

"We'll have to see later if is then then, won't we?"

Full mast now.

The theme of the night is 'secluded tropical island hideaway'. It should be a good night, lots of secluded hidey-holes, lots of guys with shirts off and girls in not much more that a bikini. Yes and thank you. Yes to the girls in bikinis—not to the guys without shirts. I know Bells has a deep blue bikini underneath her sundress. I'm not sure if I want her to strut her stuff in her swim suit in front of half the senior class guys or not. I'm not too keen on other men seeing just how fine she is, but on the other hand, it seems such a waste to hide behind all that material. I kind of want the boys to see her 'girls', and be a little jealous. I know that's totally sexist or whatever, but I don't see her stopping me from taking of _my_ shirt with my awesome guns on display, either.

We dump our stuff in the doorway of the spare room, we're staying the night here so we can get wasted and the olds will be none the wiser. The spare is basically Bella's room anyway, she's stayed at this house enough times over the past few years. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen basically allocated Bella her own space so she could keep a tooth brush and stuff in the private bathroom. A funny look crosses her face as we walk past the stairs leading up to the main bedroom wing. I guess she fucked the douche in one of those rooms up there. Don't want to think about it.

The party is good. Everything we've come to expect from an Alice-C-par-tay. The night is actually pretty warm for the pacific north-west and everyone is going crazy in the water. Kids from school are making out in every dark corner there is. I want to get Bells out of that dress and see that bikini I keep getting just tiny glimpses of.

We're leaning against the bar and I throw the last of my third pineapple daiquiri down, ignoring the brain freeze it gives me. "Let's go for a swim," I suggest as I take the almost empty drink from her hand and placed it on the counter behind us. My hands rest on either side of her hips, pulling her in closer, our bodies touching in all the right places. She melts a little into me; her second pineapple daiquiri has done wonders relaxing her up a bit.

"I think it's still a little cold for me," she shrugs, looking over to the pool but staring, unfocused; like she's seeing a memory. Probably got fucked by the douche in the water or something. Still don't want to think about it.

"Come on Bells, it's heated." I lower my head so I can better look into her eyes. "Everyone's in there. Just a few minutes? Then we can get out and I can find a fun way to warm you up." I smirk, winking and giving her hips a little shake. I know I'm laying the innuendo on a little too thick; but a boy's got to try.

She slaps my shoulder playfully, "is everything about sex with you Jake?" she laughs, shaking her head.

"Not _everything,"_ I defend,_ "_only things that involve _you_ babe." I say, giving my half mongrel a little nudge into her stomach for effect. "Watching you do _anything_ is sexy. Mostly because you don't even know just how sexy you are doing even the most mundane everyday things."

She loops her fingers through the strap of her dress, her finger running back and forth against the material. She's eyeing me suggestively; playfully, like maybe she's had one too many pineapple daiquiris. I'm not complaining. "I guess getting undressed _is _kind of mundane and 'every day'_ w_hen you put it like that." She giggles, pushing my hard-on back into her hip. "I guess we'd better get into the water then. To hide your shame." Her eyes are glistening in the torch light around the pool. The little vixen knows exactly the way she's teasing me. Still not complaining.

So, we get into the water. The blue bikini is everything I hoped it would be. Little pearl beads between her tits and threaded on the strap. The way the bow of the halter tie hangs over her neck with the little shiny, creamy dewdrops hanging like tassels, reminds me of a pearl necklace. Yeah, I'd like to give her one of those later on tonight.

We swim around the deep end of the pool for a bit. Tyler does a cannon ball and nearly cracks us both in the head. We're both pretty much drenched now, so I duck under the water and Bella follows suit. Her hair is so long that when she surfaces for air and stands up, the brown locks draped over her boobs. Her nipples were hard and the ends of her hair is curled right around both the rigid little high beams. The water is dripping off her like some kind of exotic porno slow-mo. She is a very fine sight to see. And Jake Junior is appreciating the view. There's no way I'm going to be able to get out of this water any time soon.

We we're in the shallow end of the pool and there is a little alcove of rocks that give us the illusion of some privacy. I take full advantage of the _illusion_. I sit down on a step that's under the water, pulling Bella on to my lap, so she's straddling me. If she wasn't sure of the effect she had on me, she knows now. We kiss a little, ignoring everyone else. The heat of her coochi is hot against my boardies. Her hands explore the line of my body-her soft little fingers reading brail over muscle. She always makes these little mewing noises when she's happy enjoying my body. I like it. I like it _a lot_.

We kiss for a little longer; tongues exploring mouths, our bodies are touching in all the right places. Finally, we come up for air; the pineapple tastes sweet on her breath as it blows across my face. She looks at me, her warm brown eyes happy and alive. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips were a little red.

"I love you" I say. I can't help myself. I love her. I do. And I want her to know. Even if she won't say it back. Maybe it's putting her in an awkward position. But I said it all the same. Her eyes soften a little. I know she loves me. I'm her best friend. Of course she does. But is she _**in**_love with me? Who knows? I hope so. I think she will, eventually. Seven days to get her to admit it.

As she sits here, nothing but lycra and cotton between poon and cock, she gets distracted by something. Her eyes darted over the top of the rock wall behind me, over my shoulder. Her face pales, all the colour from her cheeks washes away. She stares over my shoulder for a few breaths, eyes locked at the scene behind me. I shift under her, trying to turn and look behind. But before I can, Bella has her hands combing through my hair, pulling me closer as she attacks my lips. I have a sinking feeling for a moment that I'm being played as a pawn in some game I'm not privy to. But this is Bella. I love her. She loves me—even if she won't say it out loud. She wouldn't just use me. We're a thing. We have been for months. And whatever this mad crazy kissing thing is; it's pretty hot. So I go with it.

We make out some more, must be a good fifteen minutes of kissing. This is not helping my predicament below the waist though. How am I going to get out of this pool without the entire senior class of Forks High seeing the tent? I break off the kiss, lifting Bells up and floating her off my lap so that she's sitting beside me in the ledge. "We gotta stop kissing babe or I'm gunna cum in the pool and Alice would kill me if I did that."

She nods, her eyes not really meeting mine. There's this totally fake smile plastered across her face, it's so bad, I don't think I'd even call it a smile. It looks more like she's holding back tears.

"Bells. What's wrong?" I think I know, but I'm pretty good at denial. And I don't want to think about what or _who_ could have her holding back tears.

She's worrying her lips between her teeth—chewing so hard on it, it's turning white. I'm waiting for her to bite right through it any second. I turn on the step, my knee bending up as I tuck my foot under the outer leg. My hand reaches up to her face and I tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. My thumb traces over her lips and I silently urge her to stop the gnawing.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" I can hear the fear in my own voice. I don't want her to hear it. If I'm about to get my heart broken, I don't want her to realize just how much it will hurt.

She looks at me finally. Those hazelnut eyes are glassy and troubled—and pleading. "Let's get out," she whispers, pulling me up to standing. All this weirdness deflates anything below the waist I had previously been worried about. We wade over to the pool's edge and I trot up the steps, reaching back to take her hand to help her out of the water.

"Let me grab our towels and we can talk. Hey?" I suggest softly. I want to get her out of the public eye; behind closed doors, so all she needs to think about is the guy in front of her. Me.

"Ok," she nods. "Let's do that." She leans her head over to the side and wrings her hair out. I squish mine out as I jog over to where we'd left our towels under the servery. I toss my towel over my neck, shaking hers out and holding it out to drape it over her shoulders.

Looking up, I see Bella still standing at the pool's edge.

She's standing straight upright.

Her hands are limp by her sides as she just stares in front of her.

She's staring… at _him_.

The fucker is back.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2 Edward

**Chapter two - Edward.**

Yep, the fuck-tard is back.

And he's standing three feet away from Bella, his hands all lifeless by his sides too. There're both just staring at each other. And I'm rooted to the spot, unable to move as I feel this god awful knot in my stomach clench and twist like a knife, it moves up and into my chest. I can't watch this. It'll fuck me up for life. I just know it will. But the masochist I am can't look away.

He's saying something to her, but the god-dam music is so loud I can't hear what it is. I think maybe it was something like, "are you cold?" 'cause she rubs her hands over her arms and turns to look in my direction. Our eyes meet and the magnets that were holding my feet in place release and I start walking over to her. To both of them.

I drape the towel over her, leaving my hand possessively on her shoulder. He might be the one leaving her speechless right now, but it was _me_ who had her screaming less than three hours ago. And earlier that morning and the day before and the day before that… You get my gist. The douche fucker needs to know he can't just step in on his little sabbatical from college and think he can sweep her back off her feet and then leave her broken and alone again. Not happening on _my_ watch.

I lean my head towards the asshole, my eyes sending him daggers. "Fuck-tard," I say as a form of greeting.

"Black," he replies curtly.

I turn my attention to Bells. I hope beyond all hope that she doesn't want anything to do with her ex and she needs me to give her the _out_ to escape. "You want to get out of here?" P_lease say yes, please say yes, please say yes._

She looks at me. Her resplendent brown eyes are apologetic and regretful. Just as resolute and yet as agonised as I'd ever seen them before. And I know then, that my hopes for her wanting nothing to do with him are dashed. She's still under his spell, even after twelve months of absence and me giving her all that I have.

"I need to talk to Edward first Jake. We still have a lot of things left unsaid." The fucking knife that's still deep in my chest twists again. Burning and making it hard for me to seem like I'm any sort of 'ok' with my girlfriend going off with the guy she thinks she's still in love with. Really. Fucking. Hard.

My mouth is dry and I'm trying hard not to let my eyes water like a pussy.

"Oh yeah, I get it." I say all considerate and trying to be the accepting boyfriend I want her to think I am. "You guys have to talk." I smile and nod. Or at least I _try_ to smile. I probably just took constipated. I'm really trying to be cool about it. Understanding. But no, I don't understand it. What else could she have to say to the fucker? _You fucking broke my heart and left me high and dry. Jake picked up the pieces and now that I'm finally happy you don't get to come back and fuck it all up again._ Maybe she does want to say that to him? Just not in public. That's what I'm going with. She going to serve him a new pair.

Deep down, I know that there is no way that Bella Swan has it in her to serve _anyone _a new pair, let alone her precious Ed-fuck-tard. But what am I gunna do? Have a hissy fit and forbid her from talking to him? Yeah, that'd go down like a sack of shit. I just gotta grin and bear it.

She leans in, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek. I try and turn my head so that or lips meet, but she avoids it, my lips meeting skin just on the edge of her mouth. I'm sure it's blatantly obvious to not just me that she doesn't kiss me properly. I know she knows, from the apologetic pleading set to her eyes. And I know that Fuck-tard knows from the smug little smirk her has on his face. I just want to fucking well smash my fist so hard into that overconfident pretty boy face. Fuck-tard.

"So…. Ummm…. I'm just going to go talk with Edward…. Ok?" she stumbles.

"Yeah. Ok," I smile, all constipated like, "you go sort stuff out. I'll just be around," I say, all cool and nonchalant, gesturing to the entire house. Fucking lame ass I am. Yeah. That's right, Bella. Dumb ass Jake will just wait around the lounge room with the wall flowers until you decide what the hell your gunna do with me. Fucking pathetic.

So I stand there, in soggy, wet, Hawaiian board shorts that my sister sent me last year. My racially stereotypical long black hair is plastered to my fucking forehead. I'm fighting the tears as I watch her walk away. With him. The fucker is so comfortable touching my girlfriend too. His hand is against the small of her back as he leads her away. I hear him say "let's go upstairs, it's quieter," and she nods, already enthralled under his perfect 'first love' spell. I'm going insane. I feel like my bones have turned to jelly and my insides have been set alight. And it hurts so god-dam much.

I know I'm getting away from myself. They're just talking. It's not like she's broken up with me. It's just… you had to see how destroyed she was after he left. It was really _that_ bad. And she's not completely fixed. He left such a gaping big raw hole in her heart. And as much as I'd like to say I have, I _haven't_ been able to fill or fix it. And in a matter of a few words, a 'hello' and a 'can we talk?'. He had. He'd fixed her. And that was agonising. And I see the writing on the wall.

I can feel my eyes start to sting. Pussy. I have to get the hell out of this party. Away from all the others kids from school. I hope to god no one has seen how swiftly I've been dismissed. I quickly dry off my skin and hide my head in the towel as I pretend I'm drying my hair. But really, I'm just making a semi-concealed b-line to the downstairs spare room. As I walked past the stairs, I catch the last glimpse of her legs as they rounded the upstairs landing. This felling my chest hurts so much. Ngh. Heart break mixed in with a good old dose of dread.

I sneak into the room, closing the door behind me and leaning my forehead against the door, eyes closed, forcing the tears at bay. I'm not going to cry over a _maybe_. They are _just_ talking. Officially we're still a thing. For all I know we'll be having the best _crisis averted- make up _sex of our lives in this very room, in half an hours' time. But if _he_ wants her back? Well then... I'm fucked. But not physically...ho, ho, ho- No. Only emotionally, socially and psychologically- not at all in the way my wet dreams generally play out. Yep… Fucked.

"Suck it up Black," I say to myself as I stomp into the bathroom. Wiping a circle of steam off the mirror, I stare at myself, I turn the cold water on full-blast and toss my face with the liquid. I'm still half wet from the pool, put the flowing water is fresh, and it's cleansing and cathartic. I look at myself, like—really _look_. I watch my own eyes staring back at me. They are dark and hurt looking. I want to say they're wet because of all the water I've been splashing, but I know it's the tears that are still threatening. There's a faint shadow of stubble growing on my strong jaw. It's actually about five days' worth of growth—god-dam native genes. Grow hair longer than most girls, but a beard? Na-ha.

My face is still dripping, my eyelashes are clumped and there are a few drops of water on my nose and chin. There's a fluffy white hand towel on the bench and I use it to dry off my face, inhaling the nice floral smell of fabric softer. It smells like girl. It makes me sad.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I'm not gunna cry over this _maybe_. It feels so unfair for him to come back in her life just when things are so good with us. Are my feelings even gunna be considered in all of this ridiculous love triangle that may just be nothing more than a figment of my imagination? I hold on to the hope that they will be. That would really break my heart if she just ran off with him without much more that a second thought for me.

I'm sad but within a blink of an eye I'm angry too. I want to go marching up stairs and interrupt them. Tell her, "It's me or him, Bells. Choose." But even more than angry, I'm shit scared. Terrified of what she might say to an ultimatum and anxious of what I might find if I _do_ go up there. I might find them sprawled out on the bed together, tongues entwined. Or maybe his hands will be all over her boobs—as she dry humps him. Or worse still, them, naked, fucking like bunnies, making up for their last year apart. I want to yak. My imagination is running away from me. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. My deepest fears feel like they might just be about to come true. I feel utterly hopeless to do a god dam thing about it too. Fuck!

In frustration, I slam my fist against the basin. The cracking sound I hear isn't the porcelain breaking and judging from the pain, I think it might have been my hand. I grab it, clutching it to my chest. "Mother fucking, fucker, goddam, that hurts." I moan, eyes shut tight as I hop around spinning on the spot. My life is up the creek. This night can't get any worse.

"Hey? Are you alright?" comes a little voice from the bedroom.

Now I have an audience for the worst moment of my life.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

* * *

**Let me know what you think chickadees. M**


	3. Chapter 3 The Kid

**Chapter 3 - The kid**

"Yeah," I say, my voice coming out not much more than I squeak. "I think I just broke my hand." I motion to a kid sitting on the bed. What the hell is she doing in here? She's sitting on top of the bedspread in her pajamas. They're long grey cotton jersey pants and a baggy black tee shirt. Her hair is wrapped up in a towel like a turban and she's got a mud mask plastered across her face.

There are study books spread out over the yellow and white floral comforter. There's an iPod on the bed too. My eyes trace up along the earphone cable, up to where it splits in two, one to her right ear, the other, she's holding out, her hand motionless mid-air as she looks at me like I might be some kind of psycho.

"Can I help you with something?" she asks like she owns the place.

"Ah. No. I think you're kind of in _my_ room," I say with a little bit of attitude, stepping into the bedroom proper. I know this is more like Bella's room, but my stuff is in here and I need the privacy right now. I don't need any little girl giving me attitude.

My hand is throbbing. My heart might just be about to be broken. The pineapple Daiquiris are starting to take their toll on my sobriety. The last thing I want is any more shit to deal with right now.

Her mud caked eyebrows raise in what I can only describe as scorn. "I'm sorry to disappoint you _buddy_ but I'm most definitely sure _this," _she motions to the area between us, her head doing a little side to side neck thing that girls sometime do_,_ "is _my_ room," she buzzes, taking out the other ear piece and pausing whatever she was listening to. She closes the exercise book in front of her and she shifts off the bed. Her hands slowly move up in to what looks like an aggressive posture, her head tilts to the side, and now she's back on the balls of her feet, her back foot looking like it's ready to pounce. If I didn't know any better, I swear this twelve year old was getting ready to give me a beat down.

"Look kid. I'm not getting into a fight with you about this," I counter, raising my palms up in a placating gesture. Shit it hurts to open my hand. "This is just the room my girlfriend normally stays in when she sleeps over. That's all. I was under the impression that this was where we're sleeping tonight," I say gesturing to the bed separating the two of us.

* * *

The room is as mostly quiet, apart from the heavy beat of the party music that's muted through the closed bedroom door. She's got some scented candles burning on the dresser, it lulls the senses along with the subdued lighting. She'd obviously been giving herself a pamper night, (my sisters used to do it all the time) because the atmosphere in here is subdued and relaxed. However, despite all the candles and shit, the tension emanating off this girl is palpable.

I realize suddenly that I've barged in on a girl who's in her pajamas. Oh shit! I'm in a room, alone, with an unfamiliar girl and I've probably scared the crap out of her. I'm lucky I don't have a face full of mace and my balls kicked in at this rate. "I just needed to get the fuck away from the party. That's all. I'm not some kind of creeper. Promise." I say, trying to reassure her and to save my gonads from imminent attack. I know I shouldn't swear in front of a kid but my ethical filters are severely undermined by all the rum—and by the fact that my girlfriend is currently up stairs alone with her ex.

She looks at me, her gaze searching over me. I feel a little like prey under the eyes of this midget predator. This time only one muddied brow raises. It's freaking me out how she's eye balling me. Who the hell is this kid? Why the hell is she here, alone, in the Cullen's house, the same night Alice is throwing a party? Is she one of our school friend's kid sister? Cause I can bet Alice knows nothing about the kid who's stowed in here.

I wish she would stop staring at me like that. Is she sizing me up? I feel transparent and exposed in front of this child. It's like she's in on a secret I'm not privy to. Like she can see all my fears and doubts. Like a long lost friend who just knows you. Like we've met before.

* * *

I go to ask her who the hell she is, but before I can, she smiles at me. And suddenly the foggy tension that was mounting in the room is washed out, like someone's opened a window. A cool, fresh swell of comfort ebbs its way in.

A wave of comprehension washes over her muddied features as she straightens to standing. She's even shorter than I'd assumed originally. I'd say she's five two, or three on a good day—way shorter than Bella anyway.

"Bella," she says, as if she's plucked the word straight out of my head, only, she says it like the name is a foreign curse. She points her finger at me, nodding and grinning as if it all makes sense to her now. "You're Bella's new boyfriend."

Again, I feel like she's in on a secret I'm not sharing in. How the hell does she know who I am? And who the hell is she? I don't really know how to respond to her comment. Was it a question? Or was it an accusation?

"I've heard so much about you," she offers, not giving away any hint of whether or not it's actually a _good_ thing to be me. But it feels like an accusation. She bites her lip between her teeth, trying to suppress a smirk. "You know Eddie's home?"

I deadpan her, blinking slowly and purposefully. "Yeah. I know." Again lacing some attitude into my voice. "I'm fucking hiding away at an awesome party, in the kiddie's room, w_ithout_ my girlfriend. Yeah. I know the fuck-tard is home." I spit, with possibly a little too much defensive venom in my voice. It's not the kid's fault Dickward is home. I huff a sigh, remorseful of the way I'm taking to a little kid. "Sorry. I know it's not your fault he's come back."

She shrugs and squishes up her face. The mud mask she's sporting cracks around the edges of her eyes and mouth with the movement. She looks like a wrinkled old lady now. "Actually, it _is_ my fault he's back here tonight. I got him to pick me up from the airport on his way through Seattle. I don't think he was planning on coming home tonight though. And I _really_ doubt he expected to see Bella."

* * *

I can see she realizes she's opened a giant can of whoop-ass worms. And I can see her madly trying to back pedal. "I mean—I'm pretty sure he was gunna come back soon anyway. It's just—I- I don't think he planned on there being a p-party going on here tonight. I think he was going to try to avoid _her,_" she blurts, "I mean—not avoid her, as such—only, talk to Alice first, see how she was doing. Maybe call her? Or have coffee."

"Coffee," I breathe, unable to hide the distain in my voice. My head shakes slowly as I sigh in… what? Resignation? No. I'm not ready to give up. But, it's just… as much as I loath to admit it and as lame ass as the quote is… he had her from 'hello'.

He doesn't need the coffee.

"So I'm guessing that the reason you're hiding out here in the 'kiddies' room," she says, mocking me and making quotation marks in the air, "is that my good cousin found your Bella and… what? You're punching helpless vanity units because she dumped you?"

"No!" I reply indignantly. "There just talking." Am I trying to convince her or myself? I can't seem to make eye contact with the kid. I think I'm trying to convince both of us. "As far as I know, we're still together." I take a shaky breath. "She's still my best friend." Again that fucking great big hole in my chest is burning, cauterizing its way through as I feel her slipping away. Fuck me, if these tears won't stay the hell away. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tight, willing the salt water away.

* * *

"Hey," she offers, moving to sit back down on the edge of the bed, "if she's really your best friend, and even if she does go back to Eddie—she won't do anything behind your back. And I really hope the guy I know Ed to be wouldn't either," she says, stacking up her study books and motioning for me also to sit over on my side. I'll give the kid this, she's trying. It doesn't help though. The idea of them _going for it_ right now, at this very moment, makes my stomach churn. And more so, nothing can eradicate the heart breaking pain of being the runner up, the consolation prize. Of not having her. The hurt of her choosing _him_ over me.

I take her up on her offer though, sitting on the edge of the opposite side of the mattress. I need to sit, all of my energy is going into my emotions and I literally feel weak at the knees from the effort to stay composed. I tuck one foot under me, keeping the other flat on the ground. I studiously study the intricate flower design on the coverlet, chanting within myself the mantra, 'I will not cry, I will not cry.' I find a small piece of fluff on the cotton and force myself to become engrossed on its eradication.

"You're allowed to be upset you know," she declares, breaking me out of my forced concentration. "Edward was a real asshole breaking up with her like he did. Alice told me how freaking messed up she was. He shouldn't just get to waltz back in and say 'I'm sorry' and expect her to not have moved on."

"No, he shouldn't get to just walk right in and slip into place as if the last twelve months never happened, but that exactly what's happening," I say, the water welling in my eyes. I have no filter around this girl, and I find the frank remarks just spewing out of my mouth. "She's never stopped loving him. And if he's here to win her back, then I'm afraid I'm at a severe handicap because, as much as I know she loves me. She's not _in _love with me. I've never truly been in the running." I admit to the stranger sitting across the queen size from me. The dagger in my heart twists as I say the words out loud. The verbalization making them all the more real and true. I run my hands through my hair, pulling out the elastic band and re-tying it awkwardly at the nape of my neck. My hand is still paining.

* * *

"You'er Native American right?" she asks.

I'm taken aback for a moment, the question is so off topic and well, to be honest, pretty direct. I must give her an 'are you crazy?' look because she quickly chirps in with, "I'm not trying to change the subject. Even though that _is_ what I'm doing. It's just that, I… I've never met a _Northern_ American indigenous person," she only stops for a quick breath before continuing on with her spiel.

"My best friend is from Chilli, his native Mapuche. He's a lot darker than you, but your cheeks are more prominent," she burbles, happy to talk about me as if I'm some kind of darn museum display. She must pick up on my discomfort, or the fact that my eyebrows are somewhere up around my hair line. I thought I had no filter around this kid. Seems like the flood gates are open in her direction too.

"Oh god, you must think I'm some kind of bigot, I'm not, honest. My best friend really is Mapauche. It's just that anthropology is kind of like a side hobby of mine. Not that I'll make any kind of career out of it, it's just that I take notice of these kind of things. When you've traveled as much as I have, you get to see the differences and similarities of all kinds if ethnic groups. I can't help it," she explains. "Oh God, I'm so sorry, I just can't seem to stop comment on everything I'm thinking."

Her eyes are pledging, "Some people might find it endearing?" she suggests, trying to hint this is how I take her rant. Her shoulders slump at my silence and I swear I can see the cheeks reddening under the mud mask "but I guess others might find it obnoxious," she adds. Others, as in… _me._

I get it, she's just thinking out loud what any one of us thinks when we meet someone new. I don't mind her comments. Truly. I understand what she means. This girl in front of me, for example, has luscious hazelnut nutella brown eyes, a lot like Bella's but with a few more splintering bursts of honey-yellow radiating out from the center. But I wasn't about to blurb it out to her like she had just done to me. I realize with a feeling of conscience that both of us are guilty of being our own brand of creeper. And I'm letting her think she's insulted me.

"You're not obnoxious," I mollify, "you're just being honest. It's ok. I have cheek bones. I have tanned skin, but I'm not as dark as your friend. They're honest observations. It's ok. I'm not _that_ precious. I've been racially vilified enough times to know when there's no insult intended. Let's just say we both do things without thinking them through and call it even? You comment on a perfect strangers racial variances and I sit on a bed with a totally unfamiliar person while she's in her pj's. See? We're both socially inappropriate." I smile towards her, letting out a very un-Jacob, little girl giggle while I'm at it.

* * *

"God you have nice teeth," she says smiling and gushing. And as quickly as she gives the compliment, she moans into her hands that are now covering her face. "Oh god, I can't believe I just said that." she groans.

I can't help but let out a proper laugh at her tween mortification. A deep bellied laugh. One that allows me to forget what propelled me into this room to start with. This girl makes me laugh. It's refreshing. The urge to protect her and care for her is strong too. Maybe I can be a surrogate best friend, apparently I already look kind of like him anyhow.

"Ok, um. Let me think of something to make me even with the whole social inappropriateness thing." I look around the room and my eyes fall to the study books piled between us. One page is open and I can see lines upon lines of hand written notes. All neatly printed in a very tidy and loopy script. "You have very nice hand writing," I offer.

She laughs with a closed mouth, snorting a little and lifting her face from her hands. I can see the clay that's stuck to her fingers, it has transferred as she's hid in embarrassment. She sees the red dirt on her hands and reaches over to the bedside table for some tissues, cleaning the earthen muck off. "I had a governess when we lived in Ukraine. She was a stickler for neat cursive," she explains as she systematically wipes her fingers.

Her statement momentarily distracts me from my inner turmoil. "You've lived in the Ukraine?" Who the fuck lives in the Ukraine?

Shrugging her shoulders, she nods. "Kiev for a few years; when I was eight. And then when I was ten, we moved to Switzerland, and the last two years we've been in Italy." She's quiet for a moment, her eyes unfocused as they take on a far off look. Then with a sharp breath she's back in the room and continuing on her monologue. "Uh… my parents are moving to Qatar this summer… so… I decided to come live here with my aunt and uncle." I somehow doubt this is the whole story, she seems to be trying too hard on the preciseness of her seemingly rehearsed speech. "The international school in Qatar doesn't offer the subjects I want."

"And Forks does?" I ask in disbelief. It isn't lost on me that she mentions her aunt and uncle. Everyone knows everyone in this town, even if you're from La Push—a good fifteen miles away—you know that Alice's mom, Esme, has been complaining that the house will be so empty now that her youngest will be off to college this semester. Looks like the Cullen matriarch isn't going to have an empty house just yet.

* * *

I look at the young girl sitting in front of me. I notice some things I didn't before, like the little polo horse and rider embroidered into the cotton of her shirt. She has a shining silver necklace around her neck, the pendant is an angel, diamonds embedded in its wings. Her nails are manicured, not painted or artificial, they're short and neat and shiny; the kind of nails, I assume, the _haves_ of the world keep. Being a _have not,_ I really don't know for sure. There is a suitcase still in the corner of the room, I don't know much about luggage—having never been outside of Washington State—but it looks expensive. She's just mentioned living in three different countries like it was no big deal. All these little things lead me to one conclusion; this girl's parents are rich. She's lived a gilded life. She's lived in some big cities and in some _big_ houses. She's a typical Cullen. I'll bet my left nut on it.

Yet, here she is, _voluntarily_ moving to the back waters of the country. Who chooses to move to a sleepy little town when they can live in exotic countries and go to international schools? – Whatever the fuck they are. I bet she could go to some expensive preppy boarding school that feeds right into Harvard if she wanted to. But instead, _she's_ chosen—and again, it's not lost on me that she said _she's_ decided to come and stay here; not _sent_ here, offloaded by her career driven parents— she's _chosen_ to attend Forks High School. What's she running from?

"Surprisingly, Forks high _does_ have the subjects I'm interested in," she replies, her eyes darting between mine. There soft and unguarded, yet they're giving me nothing more on the topic. I've decided, there has to be more to this little miniature princess. She has to have a good reason for avoiding an awesome pool party that's being held in the house she's going to be living. Studying and giving herself a facial en lieu of getting to know her future classmates. Not that there are many freshman or sophomores here. Maybe she's just shy. I doubt it. I don't think I would have got the attitude I'd gotten if she was a shy little fourteen year old. Bella's shy—or at least she thinks she is—yet she's never had a hard time talking to me.

Bella. Shit. I'd almost forgotten.

* * *

Shit. I felt the burn return to my gut, just under that point where the ribs come together in the center of my chest. I look at my watch. They've been up there for a good half an hour. How long do I give it? My hands clench involuntarily in a fist of frustration. A hiss escapes my lips as the stabbing pain shoots from my knuckle down my wrist.

The kid kneels up on the bed, leaning over to me, "What did you do to your hand?" she scolds as she reaches for my now swelling knuckles. She seizes my fingers with authority yet also concern before I quickly pull them back.

"Nah, it's ok. It's not that bad" I lie, waving her off with my left. Honestly, my right hand freakn' kills. How the fuck am I gunna throw a ball at practice on Monday? I don't need any strange kid pressing on what I'm afraid might be a broken knuckle and making it worse.

She eyeballs me through the unpainted holes of the ochre mask that's dried and cracking on her face. "Let me look," she insists, "My dad's a doctor. And I've helped him out a fair few times," she explains without prompting as she takes my hand again and inspects it. I let her this time. She is sure and confident as she handles my fingers and knuckles with expert dexterity and gentleness. "It's already getting swollen. I think you'd better get some ice on it," she suggests, and presses a little more firmly against the middle knuckle, the one that's sore. I can't help but suck in an involuntarily intake of breath through my teeth. Shit that hurts. The girl frowns a little at my noise, the space between her brows cracking some more with the gesture. "Can you make a fist?" she asks.

I turn my hand over, and try as I might, I can't get the pained middle finger to curl into the palm — that's not good. Both our heads are leaning in as we inspect the injured hand. She looks up at me again, "I think it's broken," she states, all staid and earnest, but I can't take her seriously, my mind immediately imagines she's playing doctor in a backyard play house.

After her diagnosis, I must give her a look of impertinent skepticism because she stops probing it and instead, lightly taps on the offending bone. This sends a splinter of pain right through to the tip of the finger and back up to my wrist. "Oh fuck!" I curse, giving the girl a 'what the fuck?' look of incredulity.

She simply returns my glower with a smirk of righteousness and then repeats her diagnosis. "Yep, it's broken."

I sigh in resignation. This night is just getting crappier and crappier. Having stalled and procrastinated for a good half an hour, I decide I just want to get out of here. And by _here_, I mean this room. I think I'll have a few straight rums for the pain and then procrastinate a bit more—for at least another ten minutes—before deciding to go upstairs to get Bells. Oh god, what's taking her so long? I can't stand the thought of what they're doing up there. Maybe I'll see if the kid wants to go up for me. I'll give her some pocket money.

* * *

Her hand is still flat underneath mine. Holding it up, mid-air between us. "This is kind of like how Prince Charming might have taken Cinderella's hand," She giggles, breaking me out of my thoughts as she makes to do a play curtsey. "Only, your hand is broken and about four times larger than mine," she smiles, looking up at me. The grin she gives me makes the cracks in her dried mask now break into tiny pieces that are falling off, onto the bedspread.

She sees the mess it's making on the white cotton and she rushes to standing, jumping up and making to bound off over the bed. "Oh shit. I forgot to wash this off!" she yells as I move to get out of her way. Unfortunately for me, her knee clips my sore hand as she fumbles off the mattress on my side of the room and she continues to tumble over to the far wall, like Scooby-doo midair. She crashes in to the wall and ends up in a half crouch—half fallen stance, braced sideways against the plasterboard. It would be comical to see if it didn't hurt my knuckle so much.

Holding my sore hand to my chest, I take the two steps to help her up. She takes my hand and promptly she's back to standing. A static electricity zap getting my palm. She looks obviously discombobulated and embarrassed. So young. She _is_ a tiny thing. Up close I'd say she could easily fit under my arm. The little sister I've never had. "You ok?" I ask, giving her upper arm a friendly and supportive squeeze. She smiles a tight lip smile and nods mutely.

I look at her, scrunching my face up, "I'd give that dismount a seven point five," I tease, hoping to ease some of her embarrassment. She closes her eyes as if willing me—the witness to her humiliation—to just _go_. Fine, I get the hint. I remember how awkward life was at that age. "It wasn't _that_ embarrassing kid. I think _my_ little tantrum that resulted in me braking my hand was _waaay_ worse." I smile.

She seems slightly liberated by my efforts and happy for the subject change. "I think you should get that x-rayed," she says, shimming towards the bathroom. "And you shouldn't drive either. It's dangerous." She's right. And, oh shit. I just realized. We came here in Bella's truck. If she's dumping my ass how the hell am I getting home?

Fuck this night.

I'd better call Quil.

But first I'm gunna have a few heavy spirits.

* * *

The kid has edged her way into the bathroom and I can see she's trying out the hot water at the sink. "Hey kid," I say, as I stick my head in the doorway and meet her gaze in the mirror, "thanks for looking at my hand… and for not screaming bloody murder when I charged in before. I'm just gunna go and see what the verdict is." I say, looking up to the ceiling and the bedrooms rooms above, with my hand over my heart for further clarity.

One of her hands is adjusting the faucet temperature while the other is wetting a wash cloth. She looks back at me, holding my gaze as the tap is abruptly switched off and the washer is rung out.

"No worries," she says, lifting her chin towards my reflection. I see a look in her eye. Disappointment? Hurt? Embarrassment? I can't tell. I decide it's just the residue of her embarrassment from the awesome display of her gymnastic prowess. She spreads out the flannel, layering it across her face and begins to wipe. It's like a curtain has gone up. Eye contact has been clipped. It's like I'm not there.

I've been dismissed.


	4. Chapter 4 An Act of Kindness

_**I hope you guys like a drunk Jake. For the record folks, it's really hard to write inebriation in the first person, without its sounding like garbled rubbish.**_

_**I hope I brought in the levity I was aiming for while still showing Jacob's breaking heart.**_

* * *

**Chapter Four – An act of kindness**

So I'm up to my third tequila. It's been a half hour since I left the hidey-hole of the kid's room. That makes it one hour that Bella has been upstairs now. Three tequilas in half an hour? Not too bad for a sorry-ass high school senior drinking alone in the Cullen's TV room as some of last year seniors play x-Box, you say? Ugh. I forgot to mention the last quarter of the rum bottle that was hidden under the daiquiri machines. That was gone in the first ten minutes.

Thankfully, I managed to text Quil before I got too drunk. It's about a thirty minute drive from his place. Which is about four houses down from mine. He should be here any minute now. Maybe he can help me pass the time waiting for Bella to be done. Or maybe I'm sick of waiting and we'll just go home. I can't decide. I'll let Aterra choose. Somehow I doubt he'll be rushing away from girls in bikinis.

The tequila bottle is far fuller that the rum bottle was and I still have over half of it left. I'm talking like the bottle is mine. I have no idea who it belongs to. I found in in the freezer. Finders' keepers.

I've decided—as of now—that the shot glass is a waste of time and slugging directly from the bottle is a far more efficient way to inebriate one's self. And also, _this_ way I don't have to use my most likely broken right hand at all. I pour the last shot, I've end up spilling more on the coffee table than in the glass. Hey, don't judge—it's hard poring with your left hand.

So, with my new dispensing method in place, I take another slug. I rest the bottle against my chest as it traces the burn of the liquor on its way down. I rest my head against the back of the sofa, closing my eyes and letting out a quiet sigh. I know this is a shit way to deal with pain, either physical or emotional but it's all I got right now. It's not like I have any friend I can talk to right now. My best friend is the direct cause of the pain—the emotional pain, the physical is all on me— and the other friend other is still on his way. And Emb is in PA tonight on some hot date with a Makah girl he met at some summer tutoring program. Lucky fucker.

I feel the seat next to me dip, another person's presence felt, but I don't bother to look. I know it's Quil. I blindly offer him the bottle. The noise of the liquid as it sloshes turbulently against the glass, a testament to just how unsettled I feel inside.

"Thanks for coming man. I fucking broke my fucking hand and Bella is fucking upstairs taking to Edward and I hope to fucking hell they're not fucking." There isn't a reply and the offered bottle isn't taken. I pull it back against my chest like a child who has changed his mind about sharing. I guess he _is _driving.

"Here," comes a small and kind voice from the spot where Quil should be. I open my eyes quickly, coming to a more upright seat and turning to the source of the voice that is most definitely not Quil Ateara. I know his voice is not completely broken, we give him enough shit for it, but this voice was most certainly of the _female_ persuasion.

That quick movement sends my head in to a spin though and it takes me a moment of opening and closing my eyes before I can focus on the chick next to me. I realize, as my eyes finally begin to come into focus, that it's the little girl who's sitting next to me; the kid from what I _though_ was my room. She's all cleaned up now. Her wet hair is brushed back in to a bun, she has real clothes on and there isn't a spec of mud on her face. She holding out a bottle of water, waiting for me to take it. This small act of kindness she's offering me is very welcoming. It's exactly what a sober, happy Jake would have told himself to do. But I just couldn't find the will power to stop the self-intoxication tonight. Fuck. That's a scary thought. Where does the line of alcoholism and depression and stupidity meet? Somewhere around one or two more slugs of that coveted bottle, I'd say.

I can't hold both the tequila and the water bottles though—the hand, remember? So I gingerly tuck the Mexican bottle under my arm and move to take the water from her. Then she takes the alcohol from my armpit and lightly places it on the table in front of us. She seems distracted by the puddled mess of spirit I've left on the gloss veneer for a moment, before she turns her head to face me. She tilts her head to the side, her lips tight as she smiles a lopsided grin, her lips tucked up into her mouth. This look of disapproval form a twelve year old is most disconcerting and confronting. I should give her more credit for maturity though. Seeing her for the first time without wet volcanic dirt caked on her face, I'd have to say she's probably closer to fourteen rather than twelve. She _did_ say she's going to Forks _High_ School. Either way, she's still well and truly in the little sister age bracket.

Those masks really do wonders for her nonetheless. Her skin is seriously, like porcelain. It's like, perfect. Bella's skin is pretty much flawless but this… this kid has unadulterated, perfect skin. I know I'm staring but I just don't seem to give a damn. It's like cream colored glass—no—it's like one those freaky dolls that my aunt keeps on her spare bed. I wonder if it feels as smooth as it looks. I'm about to lift my good hand up to touch her cheeks when she points at me.

"Drink," she orders, unscrewing the cap for me and urging the bottle to my lips. I'm kind of glad she did that, firstly because, I don't think I could have found the required co-ordination to unscrew the top and secondly, I was a movement away from stroking the cheek of a minor. Yeah. Should have stopped at the rum. Way to go Black. Show the kid how well the Indian can hold his liquor. Cliché much?

So under her direction, I take a sip of the water. She's watching me as I do, her eyes taking in the damaged state I must be in. I have my fill of the sobering water and hand the bottle back over to her. She takes it graciously and screws the lid back on, looking up at me through some seriously long lashes.

"So I take it my cousin and your girlfriend haven't made it down stairs to put you out of you misery yet?" she asks, leaning over to place the water on the coffee table. It's not lost on me that she has the tequila bottle at the far end of the table and the water easily with in my reach. This kid is good.

"Nope." I answer her, popping the p. "Still waiting for the guillotine to fall."

"This waiting must suck for you." Her cheeks are taking on this light rosy pink. It's pretty on her. Not the crazy blush that Bells gets, but a blush all the same. Bella. No matter how much more I drink, nothing is going to make this waiting any easier.

"You think I should go up and see what's taking them so long?" I ask, as I make an idiotic drunken attempt to get off this incredibly soft yet deep sofa.

With no more than a single finger she presses into my chest and pushes me back down. "No. That would be a very bad idea." Her head shaking at me like I'm an idiot. "You don't want to interrupt them if they're breaking up or whatever they'd be doing and you _really_ don't want to interrupt them if their _making_ up."

Oh shit. She's so right. Stupid know-it-all kid. If Bella's telling Dickward to get lost as we speak, I could tip the odds against me; and if they're fucking—which I really hope they're not—I'll be scared for life. And then I remember a thought I had earlier. "_You_ don't want to go up and see what's happening for me, do you?"

"Ah, No."

"It was worth asking you at least."

She shifts in her seat, moving to sit a little closer to me and further in. "Jacob, you…you've just got to be…patient. I'm sure it's pure torture. But…well… if she's really so special, she's worth the wait. And if you don't get the answer you want, then maybe you weren't meant to be…or something." She shrugs looking vacantly towards the wall like she's taking from experience.

I look at her again. I swear she's barely fourteen but she's talking like a divorced thirty something. What is her deal? She's an enigma. Pretty, jail bait enigma, but an enigma nonetheless. She's not dressed for a tropical hideaway pool party _at all _either_, _she's got on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a barbed wire candle across it and on her feet are chucks. I've just realized she has a massive rack under that t-shirt and in the complete inebriated state I'm in, I just can't stop looking at them. They're huge. Ok. They're not _that_ big. But this chick is tiny. She's smaller than Alice and Alice _is,_ or should I say, _was _the smallest chick I know, the kid now has that title. And on her tiny frame they look huge. And I can't stop looking. And they're way bigger than Bella's. Oh Fuck. Bella. And that god-damned knife in my chest twists again.

But those tits are so round. Suddenly, I have a hand snapping fingers in front of my face. I blink in reflex and my eyes shoot up to the face of the owner of clicking fingers.

"Yeah, that's better. Eyes up here," she scolds, directing two fingers towards her own eyes. Oh fuck. I've been sprung. "I'll let that pass because you're so drunk. Drunk off your ass, cause of your _girlfriend _I might add." She shifts back to sitting straight on the sofa and crosses her arms across her chest. Completely blocking my view.

Why the hell would she cover up a rack likeight that? If I was a chick and I had a set on me like that, I'd be parading around that outside deck in a skimpy two piece with those puppies on show. Who am I kidding? If I was a chick with a rack like that I'd never leave the front of a mirror.

I'd at least _be_ at the party though. Not hiding out doing homework. Does she think she's she too cool for the party? I didn't get that vibe from her. But you never know with these rich types.

Or is she too shy? She can't be _that_ shy if she's calling me out on being a perv.

Like a light bulb moment, even amidst the hazy sea of rum and tequila, I realize how unnerving it might it be to rock up to a pool party not knowing a single person. Anyone except for your crazy cousin who is too busy playing host and sucking face with your other cousin's friend—yeah, I saw Alice all over that guy who showed up late. Emmett's cowboy friend from Texas—and the third 'douche' cousin is locked up in his bedroom with his ex while the ex's current boyfriend is charging into your room. No wonder she's in jeans and a t-shirt. It's enough to make you want to have a drink.

_Right_, I think, sitting up and reaching for the tequila. That's it. I've decided. I'm gunna be this little girlie's friend. She slaps my hand away from the bottle only to thrust the water into it. I go to look at her chest again, it's like my eyes have mind of their own. But I can't, I can't look at her boobs any more cause she's my little sister slash friend. I try to undo the cap and she unscrews it for me. I take a healthy gulp of the water as a toast to my new decision to befriend … ahhh… oh shit, I don't even know her name. Some friend slash big brother I am.

"I'm Renesmee," she smiles, a chuckle percolating in that chest I cannot look at. What the fuck? Did she just read my mind?

"No you drunken fool. You're thinking out loud"

"Oh." Oh shit. I give her my left hand to shake, my right is still too freak'n sore "I'm Jacob but you can call me…"

"Jake! What the fuck happened bro?" I look up to see my boy Quill strutting up towards us, little Seth Clearwater tagging up behind.

"Hey man. I don't know what the hell's happening. They're still upstairs," I say. I may as well be saying they're on a romantic dirty sex holiday in Tuscany I lace so much contempt into the words.

"Shit, how much have you drunk?" he asks, picking up the bottle still on the far end of the table and inspecting it's volume.

"Too much," girlie pipes in. "The idiot seems to think that being too drunk to stand will somehow make him more appealing to Bella if she in some way needs to decide between him or Edward.

I can see Quill's attention is now to the girl next to me—my water offering task-master. I don't like the way he's appreciating her either. And what the fuck? Seth hasn't taken his eyes off her since they got here too.

Quill turns on the ladies charm that works on no one. "We'll I don't think we've met. I'm Quil Ateara the fifth," he says all suave, reaching out his hand to shake.

"And I'm Seth," shouldering Ateara to get to the forefront. It could all be pretty funny if it didn't make me want to growl at them. This kiddie is my little friend to defend. I'm not letting my life long deviant friend on to her. Maybe Seth, they're probably the same age. That might be okay. But on second thoughts. No. I don't want her shaking hands with either of them.

I shift on the leather seat, leaning over the girl a little. "This is…what was your name again? I forget. Something really long and not normal."

She turns to me, her arm coming around my shoulder to steady me. Lucky 'cause I think I'm just about to topple over in my seat. She laughs out loud. "Well. Tell us what you _really_ think Jacob."

I shoulder shove her—too drunk to be really embarrassed about my appraisal of her name—easily falling into the support of her little body. I bet these tits would make great pillows. I'm so tired. I can feel my eye lids getting heavy. The booze finally catching up with me. Maybe I'll just rest on this pillow.

"Jake." I hear my name being called up from across the room. My head snaps up and I look over Quill and Seth, who are laughing their asses off—oh shit, I was thinking out loud again—to see Bella standing at the bottom of the stairs looking over to me. I scamper to get up off the couch. A grunt of effort escaping my lips. I feel girlie—I can't remember her name—pushing her hands in to my back to help me up. I make to step over to Bells, stumbling on the coffee table. I catch my foot on girlie's and almost fall back on the sofa. I would have landed on her lap if I hadn't caught myself at the last second. I'm back up to standing. Shit it's hard to stand with the floor moving so much. Before I can move or fall over again, Bella is standing in front of me.

"Are you drunk?" she questions, looking at me shocked—as if me drinking is _that_ out of character—and then eyeballing my friends like it's their fault.

I mean. Come on. We've all had our fair share of booze before. And what about the pineapple daiquiris? Bells was well on her way to drunk town before the 'Dick' showed up. Oh. I get it. She's all mature and responsible after an hour with Mr. 'Just-say-no' perfect pants now.

And just like that, I've had enough of this shit, coming second to the rich, connected white guy. If I want to get plastered off my face. I will.

"Am I drunk? Well by-golly, yes I am," I say plopping ungraciously back down on the seat. Ha! Take that Bells. I don't know why I'm being an asshole about this now that she's here, considering I've drunk myself into a stupor all pining and heartbroken over her this last hour.

"I want to talk to you Jake, we need to talk about this. Are you too drunk for me to have a serious conversation with?" she's glaring at me with daggers.

"I don't know Bella. I guess it depends on just how long this conversation is going to go for?" She's kind of got my back up. Her tone in a little accusing and I feel like I've lost all the power in our relationship right now. I don't really mean to be sarcastic but it's not fair that she gets to call all the shots and I just come running like a little dog when she whistles.

"Look Jake. I really want to talk, but if you're going be an ass about it I won't bother."

Ahh shit. Now she's all pissed at _me. _So much for the upper hand. But she's the one hiding out in a bed room with her ex for half the night!

I shouldn't have sat back down. I'm at a height disadvantage. This must be what it's like for the short girlie all the time.

I can feel a warm little leg pressed up against mine. And it suddenly becomes apparent how this must look to Bella…me and what's-her-name squished up together on the sofa. Yep. Miss faithful Bella is taking it the wrong way. I can practically see her turning green. Ha. Bit of you own medicine hey Swan?

Fuck Jake, I think to myself. Where's this bitterness coming from? You _want_ Bella to want _you. _ Not the Ed. Don't make her regret choosing you or even worse, make it easier for her to break your heart. I give myself a mental slap. And sober myself up a bit.

Bella is looking between me and the girlie I'm pressed up against, silently asking me what's going on. Before I can make introduction—which, by the way, would still be one sided cause I still can't remembered her name—Bella chimes in, her glare now directed to the kid. "This is an invitation only party."

Girlie stands up and leans over the coffee table, picking up the half empty bottle of tequila and screwing the discarded top on. "Well it's lucky I'm on the VIP list then isn't it?" she smiles, not a single hint of irritation in her tone. I'll give the girl this, she's got class. She could have gotten all up in Bella's face from her accusatory words, but she just laughs it off.

I brace my hands on my knees and bring my swaying body to standing. Now all five of us are standing around the living room. The guys playing the x-Box start to yell at us to get out of their way of the TV.

The kid turns, placing the plastic water bottle in my hand as she moves towards the kitchen, "here Jacob, drink this and go talk to your girlfriend. I'll get your friends something to eat. You want something too? You should eat after all that booze." Wow, that really is quite nice of her. My stomach _is_ starting to churn a little. I skipped dinner in lieu of fucking Bella in the bathroom. And a sandwich would be really good right now.

"**I** can get him something to eat," Bella snaps. "I've made more food in this house than you've had hot dinners."

It's weird to see Bella on the defensive for once. It should have been a huge turn-on but all it does right now, is remind me of the reason why she _has _spent so much time in this house and the reason we _have_ to talk. Edward.

And anyway, she doesn't need to be jealous of the kid. And she doesn't have to be so sharp either. I'll admit, the jealousy bolsters my hope a bit though. I wrap my arm around her, pulling her in close to my side. I look down into her eyes, a questioning smirk forming on my lips. She looks back at me, the green eyed monster giving me an incredulous look. Even in my drunk state I can see she sees the kid as a challenger. But really, there's not any competition.

"Come on Bells? You're not jealous of a little kid? She's twelve." I say quietly to Bella, grinning that cheeky grin I know she loves down at her and bringing the beginnings of a smile to my girl's lips too. I glance over at the kid in question and catch a look I don't understand flash across her china doll features. As much as I'd love a sandwich right now, I don't want to give Bella any more wrong ideas. I'm starting to get anxious about what she wants to tell me. I want to find out just where this relationship of ours is going.

"I don't think I could stomach any food right now," I lie, "I don't need your help. Bella's here for me." I'm colder to the girl than I probably need to be. She's been nothing but nice to me this past hour. But I've got to convince Bella I'm here for the long run and committed to her, to us. The kid doesn't answer me, instead, just turns and moves into the kitchen, my two friends following her like bees to honey.

Quill turns to me, "you still want a lift?" he asks. I don't know the answer to that. I turn to Bella for a hint. She looks at me with the best poker face I think she's ever mustered in her life. That scares the shit out of me. Eventually, she nods and my heart feels like it's about to fracture and I'm sober as a judge now.

I'm chewing on the inside of my cheek and I pause for a sec to compose myself. All three of them are looking silently at me from behind the kitchen island counter. I smile at them, I'm pretty sure it's that constipated smile again. "Yeah. I'll…I'll just be a bit. You guys right to wait?"

"Sure man," Quill replies. The look of pity on all three of their pairs of eyes too much. My eyes meet my new young new friend's and it's as if the pain in me is mirrored in her eyes, there glassy and tumultuous. I feel bad for dismissing her so easily before. But right now, I'll do anything to make Bella happy and mine.

I force myself to turn away. I think the front porch swing is as good a place as any to have this conversation. As we're walking away, I can hear Seth, he's asking the kid if she's really twelve. Maybe I wasn't as quiet as I thought I'd been. There is a moment of silence before a soft, wounded sounding, "No" is answered.


	5. Chapter 5 The swing

Chapter 5 – The Swing

We're sitting out on the front veranda of casa Del Cullen. The fairy lights hanging from the roof are transitioning through the rainbow, a hypnotic kaleidoscopic like a countdown to the demise of my relationship with Bella Swan. We're sitting on the double swing that's in the far corner of the porch. Side by side, a good three inches of space between us. May as well be a couple of yards she seems so far away. We're sitting straight on the old wicker chair, my feet are flat on the ground as hers pretty much hang, one toe just reaching to the ground. I can hear the slight creak of the swing as the chain squeaks over its holding. The tequila is still swimming in my brain and even the slight sway we have going is almost too much. Almost.

What _is_ too much, is her silence. We've been sitting out here, listening to the splashes, the squeals and the music from the party out back for several minutes. And she hasn't said a word. It's too much, it's killing me.

"Just do it Bells," I sigh, "just rip the Band-Aid off." My mouth is dry and it makes a sick sticking noise as I try to swallow my tongue.

"Oh Jake," she cries, tucking one foot under her and turning to me on the soft seat. Her arm wraps around me from the front, her little hand flat and fanned out across my middle. It's comforting and, at one time, it would have been a little suggestive. But tonight it feels cold and contaminated. I know she's been touching _him_ with that same hand. "It's not what you think," she says, leaning over so her face is in front of mine.

I can choose to turn my head and not look at her, or shift my eyes down to hers. I'm an idiot. I look at her. At her dark chocolate eyes. And they're starting to get blurry. The vision of her face is getting washed out and shimmery from the traitorous tears that I can feel stinging my eyes. I look up to the overhang, not letting myself get trapped by those bittersweet, coco eyes. I'm not that much of a masochist. And a man has to have some pride. Even though it feels like I left my nads back by the frozen daiquiri machine. Damn Pineapple.

"Jake," she whispers, her fingers lightly coming up to cup around my cheek, a finger wiping the one stray tear that I couldn't rein back in. "Jake, you're my best friend, you really are. I don't want to ever hurt you. I told him that."

My blurred eyes flick back down to hers, and I feel the slightest glimmer of hope from her words.

"I like what we have. It's good." My ribs get a little nudge, and I flinch involuntarily from the contact. I'm waiting for the "but…"— I don't have to wait long.

"But I love Edward too," she says in a barely audible voice after a few breaths. "And I'm so confused. He hurt me so badly, Jacob. So badly. And you've never hurt me. I don't think you could," she adds as an offhand thought. No. I couldn't Bella, I couldn't hurt you. "And he wants me back, Jacob, he want us to get back together. He said he was just trying to let me have a good life. Not get stuck in a long distance relationship at eighteen. He says he made a mistake. That he still loves me, that he never stopped loving me."

She pauses, and the swing creaks a little louder, kind of like the guillotine before it falls from its tied up perch. It reminds me of that French revolution movie Mrs Richey showed us in history class. That blade just hanging there as the poor bastard lays himself out, resigned to his fate, exposed, waiting for the fall. Making peace with his lot. I feel exposed, resigned, trying to make peace with my lot—but failing. My eyes are closed. I can't bear to risk looking at her as she does this. Her eyes will only intensify my pain… and hers.

"But I know you love me too. And you need to know that I do love you," she says.

There is nothing but silence between us, the creaking of the swing, the muffled base of the party music, the sound of her breathing, the sound of my hope swelling. "But I still love him too," she whispers.

The sharp metallic sound of the severing blade as it falls echoes inside my mind.

I hear the conflict and confusion in her voice. I can tell she wants me to hear her, needs me to hear, but hating her own partitioned feelings all at the same time. It has me turning on the seat, my knees press onto hers. She's looking out over the railing, to the sea of crappy second hand cars lined up, which are the only kind that high school kids can afford—unless you're a Cullen.

She has a beautiful profile. Her little nose is just right on her fine features. Her skin is changing colours as the little lights above us transition thorough their spectrum. The glow is a pink now, high-lighting her lips that are just slightly parted, almost turned downwards as she gazes out. She looks especially beautiful when those lips smile. She doesn't smile enough. The colour flashes to blue. She's not smiling now.

"You love me?" I ask, unable to hide the tentative smile in my voice. I know she just told me she loves him still. It wasn't lost on me. It hurts to hear her say it aloud, but it's nothing I don't already know. I've known all along. But it is the first time she's told me she loves me since we've been together. I want it to mean as much to her, as it does to me. _**I**_ want to mean as much to her as _she_ does to me. Or at least as much as _he_ means to her.

"I don't know if I love you in the same way as him," she says, still looking out over the front yard. "I love Edward like that intense, hot blue flamed fire that flashes and leaves a mark on anything it touches. But I love you in the slow, stoked up kind of fire that keeps you safe and warm and comfortable." Her fingers, cool and thin, lace though mine as she turns to look me in the eye. She's taken hold of up my sore hand, the knuckle hurts to widen for her fingers, even as thin as they are. She doesn't notice the involuntary wince I make as I try to curl my fingers around hers. Despite the pain, I can't help but give her hand a squeeze and look right back at her.

"As easy as breathing Bells," I say. Just like I've said to her a hundred times before.

She nods. She knows it's true. But the heart and the mind are two very different things. It's a no brainer that I'm what's best for her, logically, if she's using her brain. But, she's a girl who follows her heart; and I don't know if I have quite enough of her heart for it to be enough. Not quite enough. Not that blue fire that burns hot. I'm just comfortable. Safe.

"Are we breaking up?" I have to know. All this, 'I love you', and 'intense love' and 'comfortable love'—It's not what I have to know. I need it straight. No holds barred.

She looks at me. Gnawing away on that bottom lip like it's a piece of tough fucking beef jerky. Just rip the god damned Band-Aid of Bella. "Are we?" I prompt again.

"I don't know what I want," she whimpers out in one breath. "I love you both. I want you both."

"You can't have us both."

"That's what he said."

Finally, the Ed and I agree on something.

"I just… I can't make this decision right away," she stumbles, "I have to think about it. I don't want to hurt either of you. I don't want to lose you Jake." The tears are in her eyes now. I hate to see her cry. I want to give her comfort. Tell her it's all going to be alright. Tell her that she'll never loose me.

But I won't lie to her.

I don't see how we can be friends again if she chooses him.

I want to hold her as her tears start to fall. I can give her this much. So I do. Unwrapping my hand from its grasp on hers, I pull her in against my chest. My good hand clinging to the lifeline of the chain of the swing, the broken one wrapping around her shoulders as they jerk with each sob.

She lets out her tears. But I can tell she doesn't purge it all. She's holding that for when she's alone later. She needs to be alone to figure this out. Decide what she wants. I get that. She can't think straight when we're right in front of her. So I hold her, rubbing small circles on her back.

After a while, I can't help but lean my head in to smell the scent of her strawberry shampoo. Only, tonight, her hair smells like chlorine and a men's cologne that isn't mine. I guess it's _his_. It stands to reason that they could have hugged. I feel deflated thinking about her seeking comfort in his arms. He probably feels the same thinking about me comforting her right now. I don't want to give a shit about his feelings. But I care about Bella. And if hurting _him_ will hurt her, I can't help but care about his feelings. This is so fucked up.

My chest feels like it's being shovelled out. Emptied by everything that's happened tonight. Ever since the douche showed up, I've sat and waited, patiently. Drunkenly. But patiently nonetheless. I want to give her everything. But I feel like there's not much of me left to give right now. As the booze bottle emptied, so too have my emotional reserves. And as I give her this support as she's crying over me—and over another man—I'm just about running on E. That warning light is flashing.

Finally, she sits back, out of my arms. She lifts her shirt, wiping her face, blotting her tears on the grey cotton. She's changed into a t-shirt and shorts. They're miles too big on her. I realise suddenly that they're the Ed's. She's wearing his clothes. This does not bolster my confidence. In fact this little thing breaks my heart. It is the thing that makes me crack and fracture. My tank is now empty. I've stalled. I've got nothing left to give her tonight.

"So where does this leave us Bells? I take it you don't want to come down to the beach with us tomorrow?" We _had_ planned on having a picnic lunch with just our close friends tomorrow. Before college starts and school goes back. Have a swim. Just hang out on the beach. Alice and Emmett. Quill. Embry. Maybe Emb was gunna bring his new girl if his date went well. Me and Bells. Only now I don't think there _is_ a 'me and Bells'.

She scrunches her face and there's a small shrug with one shoulder. "I think I need to spend tomorrow alone. Not with Edward _or_ with you. Maybe on Sunday you can come down when your dad comes over for the game," she offers, a pitied and placating look on her face. I feel like she's throwing me a bone. But there is no intention of actually feeding and keeping this kicked down, stray dog.

I don't acknowledge her offer, I might go with dad to her place, but it's not the point, she's deflecting my question. "So are we breaking up?" I will not cry, I will not cry.

I know she can see the torture in my eyes. "I don't know what this is." She scrunches her eyes, shaking her head in uncertainty. "I don't _want_ to break up with you Jake. But maybe… we need to cool things though? Until I figure stuff out?" the words come as a question but I know they're rhetorical.

My good hand unwinds from its death grip on the swing chain and it reaches gently to the side of her neck. My thumb draws a line along the velvet skin of her jaw, along the soft crease of her lips. I want to leave her with a goodnight kiss. Just a small reminder of what it is she might be giving up. I lean in, but my movement is halted by a sharp intake of air, a slight shake of her head. A refusal.

"I think we should cool thinks Jake. No sex, no hand holding. No… kissing. It's not fair to you, to him; to any of us."

"So what? We're just friends again? I'm supposed to just let you go?" _Because I can't do that_, I think to myself. She knows it anyhow. The rejection stings like a bitch too.

"I need to… oh, I don't know. It's…I can't do this to you both. I can't… I can't ask this of you," she cries, pulling away and burring her face in her hands. I know Bella. I know her better than anyone on this Earth. She's torn, and whatever she wants, she doesn't want to tell me. I know she honestly doesn't want to hurt me—or him. But I can't see a way out of this without one of us getting hurt.

"Do what Bella? Just fucking-well tell me. I know you. You might not know _who_ you want just yet. But there's something. There's something you _do_ want," I say, trying to hide the caustic edge to my voice that I'm feeling. The angst, the alcohol and the indecision pushing me. "Just spit it out!" I hiss through gritted teeth.

"I want both of you," she shrieks out suddenly, "I want to _be _with both of you. I need… I _want_ to see both of you at the same time," she cries, frustrated with her own flagrant words. "Compare," she says in nothing more than a mumbled whisper, the look of shame written across her features.

She looks up at me, the tears glistening at the edges of her eyes, vexation and anger entwined with guilt preventing the precipice spill. "I want to still see you, but I need to still see him. I need to get to know him again. You and me, Jake. We've always been friends. But Edward and I…we aren't friends. We skipped that bit and went straight to lovers."

"So what? You want my permission to two time?" I ask, shaken and hurt but somehow, not surprised. It's what she'd been alluding to the entire conversation.

She cringes at my appraisal of the situation. "Come on Jake. I'm trying here. Really I am. Let's make it more like, we're just not exclusive for a bit."

"So basically a break up, but you're not cutting me free," I clarify, the acid in my tone painful to even my ears.

"You're free. You can hook up. I'll be honest and tell you I'd rather you didn't. But I'm not gunna stop you. If you meet someone, you're free to see where it goes. No guilt. No labels."

"No guilt? Is this what this is? Your ticket to guilt-free sex with _him_?" I scream, pointing to inside the house. I sit back and pull my body and my comforting arms away from her.

"No Jake! No sex."

"What? Just the bases?" I scoff, looking down at my rough swollen hand, picking at a callous on my palm. It fucking hurts to touch.

She's silent for a beat, "maybe." I look up at her, I can't even begin to mask the betrayal and slight revulsion that must be etched across my face. This just seems so unfair, she wants to be free to round the basses with him but I don't get a simple comforting, soothing kiss? I feel like making her kiss me, just to prove a point. But right now, with the way I'm feeling, I don't want her lips anywhere near mine.

"But you'd be free to do whatever you want with whoever you want too," she says, as if that makes it all ok. As if I could feel for someone else the way I feel about Bella.

There will never be another Bella.

But apparently _I'm_ a dime a dozen.

I want to puke. Is this worse than a breakup? Being strung along?

She's leaving for college in a week. We only have seven more days together. And then she's gone. A full twelve hours drive from me. After that, she'll only be home for the holidays and breaks. And she wants me to share her for our last few days?

I feel the churn in my stomach. It's not imagined. I'm actually gunna yak. Before I'm sick on Bella, I'm up, off the porch, down the steps and I'm fertilising Mrs. C's dahlias. I can hear Bella standing at the top of the steps. She hasn't come down to care for me. She's dry heaving at just the idea of vomit. She's not good with any kind of bodily fluids. I know this, but it still hurts.

When I'm done, I sit back on my heels and take in a deep breath. My mouth tastes foul, I want to rinse it out. I remember the water bottle that I brought outside with me. So up I get.

Ignoring Bella I make a B-line to the bottle, I struggle to get the top off one handed and rinse my mouth out, spitting over the rail. The daylilies are well watered now too.

I really am empty at this point—both emotionally and physically. I just want to go home. I can't look at her. I can't endure talking to her any more. There's nothing more to say anyway. She's calling all the shots. I don't really have any choice in this matter. Either I go along with the _'not exclusive'_ thing or I break it off with her entirely. And where will that leave me? Without Bella. That's where it will leave me. As angry as I am right now. I still love her. I do.

It rips through me to think of her with him—in any context. But at least this way I have a fifty-fifty chance. At least, I _hope_ I'm starting with even odds. I know she thinks she's giving me a hall pass with the non-exclusive thing, but that's not who I am. And if she really thinks I could sample other girls when I love her this much, then she really doesn't know me at all. I tell her as much.

So here we are. Standing on the front porch, both leaning against the banister, at least six foot of space between us as we overlook the yard. I'd like to say we're both looking out at a star filled sky, or something romantic, but this is Forks. Clouds perpetually blanket the sky. And there is zero romance in the air between us right now. If I'm her sun, I've gone and supernovaed. I've no warmth to give her tonight. The longer I hear her words echoing through my mind, the angrier I'm getting. The more resentful. The emptier. This is what she's done to me.

A part of me wants to fight for her tooth and nail. But another part—and it's the front runner at the present— thinks it shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't have to prove myself the better man. I shouldn't have to compete for my best friend and current girlfriends affections. It shouldn't be a contest. At this point, I don't know if I even care to be running in this competition any more. But I won't make any rash decisions with a head full of tequila and a shovelled out, empty heart.

I turn to her. My eyes heavy and weighted by my fatigue, by my absolute disillusionment and deflation. My normally strong and square shoulders are hunched and hollowed. I am hollow inside. And I want to go home.

"I'll take your deal Bella. As much as I want to hate you over this. I still can't stop loving you. You want to have us both. It's on. You can have us both. Kiss him, if that's what you want. Figure out _who_ you want. Me or him. Or maybe neither of us. Just don't take too long. We only had a few days left anyway."

I turn and make my way back inside. She's leaning against a pillar, holding on with both arms wrapped around the post as she props herself up against the weight of her uncertainty. I do something I thought I'd never ever do…

I walk away from her.

* * *

**_So, I know I didn't give Jake a whole lot of back bone here. But it's just how their relationship is/was. He was always chasing her. Bella always had the upper hand. They were never equals. _**

**_I wonder if you can think of a character who might be better suited to him? hmmmm?_**

**_Review if you like. Or hate... but mostly of you like._**

**_M_**


	6. Chapter 6 Cherries

**Last time on P &amp; C's…**

"_I'll take your deal Bella. As much as I want to hate you over this. I still can't stop loving you. You want to have us both. It's on. You can have us both. Kiss him, if that's what you want. Figure out who you want. Me or him. Or maybe neither of us. Just don't take too long. We only had a few days left anyway."_

_I turn and make my way back inside. She's leaning against a pillar, holding on with both arms wrapped around the post as she props herself up against the weight of her uncertainty. I do something I thought I'd never ever do… _

_I walk away from her._

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Cherries**

I think I must have been dozing for the last few minutes because I open my eyes to the cabin of my friend's car. I'm lying across the back seat, Seth must have called shot gun. My face is pressed to the seat and there is drool wetting my cheek where it is sticking to the vinyl. As we leave the street lights of the greater Forks area behind, I can feel the car accelerate along the darkened bitumen, hurtling down La Push road.

I fight the urge to close my eyes again and go back to sleep, not because I don't want to sleep—because I do—it's because it stinks back here. I have my nose so close to all the trash and crap Attera has tossed behind his seat. I look down to the discarded wrappers and soda cans littering the carpet where my feet should be, I can see something down here and I'm not sure if it's an old sock or maybe a moldy sandwich. Either way, it reeks.

The incessant drone of Quil's car is doing nothing for my plight to keep the little bit of water that I have still in my stomach down either. Here, from the back seat, I realize just how irritating the exhaust he had installed is. The whole chassis is vibrating at this really low frequency, it's sickening…really— I mean, it's vomit inducing. The road surface changes as we enter the Reservation boundary and I have to sit up. I'm finding the vibration now too much to keep my head down.

"Fuck Quil, you gotta clean out this car, it fuckn' stinks back here," I gag, cracking the window. The car is instantly filed with fresh cool air, the scent of the Cedar pines of the Olympic forest hitting my senses. It's exactly what I need.

"Sleeping beauty awakes," he says, watching me through the rear view mirror.

"Here," says Seth as he twist in his seat, handing me a bottle of water.

"Thanks bro," I say, tucking the water under my arm and opening the lid before taking a refreshing swig.

Still turned to face me, Seth tosses a paper lunch bag onto the seat next to me. "Look what _you_ got," he says, his eyebrows waggling.

With the water wedged between my legs, I open the bag, finding a sandwich in there. God I'm hungry and surprisingly, as nauseated as I feel right now, the idea of some food is delightful. I undo the plastic wrap and take a bite. Cheese. Perfect.

"Where did this come from?" I ask, a mouth full of bread, motioning to the already half eaten triangle in my hand.

"Nessie."

"Who?"

"Ness," Seth says again as if I should know who the hell that is.

"Who?"

"Your water girl, Renesmee."

"Oh. The kid," I nod. "I keep forgetting her name."

In fact, I had forgotten about her altogether with all the Bella shit. I hadn't seen either of the girls after I'd gone back inside. After I had yacked, again, I yelled to Quil—who was busy talking to some chicks— that I wanted to get the fuck out of there, pronto and then stalked off the his car, where—apparently—I fell asleep on the back seat.

"Yeah, she 'aint no kid," Seth smirks, nodding like a pimped idiot. "You got a sandwich Black, but look at what _I_ got," he sings, holding his phone in front of my face, the bright, illuminated greenish screen painful to my eyeballs.

I scrunch my eyes up, turning my head. "Fuck Seth, it's fucking bright, get it the fuck away from my face."

"Al-right!" he gripes, turning back around.

It's quiet in the car for a minute. Seth got the kid's number, good on him. I feel a little irritated by that fact for some reason I can't figure, but good-on-him.

I'm resting my elbow on the back of Quil's seat, leaning forward. I can see Seth is texting someone. Probably the kid… Ness. I'm determined to commit her name to memory. I can't read the screen, but he's smiling like an idiot as he types and it pisses me off. Everything is pissing me off right now.

I start rubbing my forehead with my good hand—the other is now almost the size of a catcher's mitt—as I try to calm down my irritation. It's not Clearwater's fault I'm pissy. But I want to see what he's typing.

"You gunna tell us what she said?" Quil asks, snapping me out of my possessive thoughts. He's not asking like his normal smart ass-ed-ness either, he's sincere and inquiring. My friend. And it helps me recall the gravity of my relationship situation with one Isabella Marie Swan.

"It's one big fucking joke and I'm the sucker falling for the punch line," I bite out. They're both quiet, waiting for me to continue. "She wants to cool it down with me, see the Dickward again but still see me. We're free to kiss other people, just no sex. I-E: she wants a hall pass to make out with the fuck head while he's in town."

"What the fuck?" says Quil.

At the same time Seth starts on. "So, basically she's hedging her bets. She's not gunna make a choice between you both. For how long?"

"I've given her the week, then she's gotta choose." That's about all the waiting time I can stomach. Even then, I'm starting to re-think this whole agreement. I can't really stomach any part of it.

"And you're ok with this?" Quill asks, talking to me through the mirror again.

"Fuck no!" I yell. "But what choice do I have? She's fucking got me by the balls. I don't want to lose her, so I gotta give her this," I say, the words sounding desperate and feeble, even to me. I sit back in the seat and throw my pointless brain back onto the head rest. I don't know what the fuck I'm gunna do. It just all seems so hopeless.

I'm so fucking pissed at her. It's just so unfair. I feel completely betrayed, humiliated and cuckolded. I know we're not actually married, but for me… this was the real thing… I'm in this for life and my 'life' just asked if she could play with someone else. I'm hollowed out again.

And to top it all off, my hand is throbbing. I'm going to have to go down to the medical center in the morning. I inspect it, tentatively feeling over the swollen knuckle. A pained hiss escaping my lips.

"I think she put some tablets in the bag Jake. She said you broke you hand?" says Seth over his shoulder.

"Yeah. I'm a fucking idiot and punched a piece of marble," I say, rummaging through the bag, finding two Advil still in their blister pack and a little zip lock bag with a half dozen little red cherries in it.

"I think Edward's lucky you didn't break your hand on _him_."

All I can muster is a grunt and we pull onto our street. I toss the tablets down my throat and chase it with the water before jumping out of the car.

"You still gunna come for a swim tomorrow?" Quil calls before I close the door.

"Maybe. It'll be after lunch though. Just eat without me," I say as I slam the door. That door never latches properly and it needs a real heft to get it to close. I told him this before he bought it. But he liked the red.

"Hey!" I call, my voice loud in the still, dark street.

I run around to the driver's window as he rolls it down. "Thanks for the lift Quill," I say, hopeful my eyes convey more. We're guys, we don't do sappy. He knows what I mean. He has my back. And I know it. And I'm thankful.

"Any time man."

I stumble my way up the gravel drive, water bottle and bag of cherries in hand. No one locks their door on the Res, so I quietly let myself in and make my way straight to my room.

I sink onto my twin size, lying on top of the covers, face up, staring at the faded glow-in-the-dark spaceship stickers I put up on the ceiling when I was eleven. One handed I open the little bag resting on my chest and dangle a cherry by its stem over my mouth, biting it from its suspended perch. It's sweet and juicy and once again, just what I need. The flavor washes out the figurative bad taste in my mouth from the evening's events.

I'm still a little drunk and I spit the pit out, letting it land wherever in my room. From the soft muted thud I hear, I guess it's on the rug under my study chair. Five cherries later, I have a collection of seeds scattered somewhere around my room and I'm happy to just now go to sleep. I hope the clarity of a new day can help me figure this shit storm out. I know I should get up and brush my teeth but I can't be bothered. I'll just do it twice in the morning.

I hear my phone ding with a message and I struggle to turn on the mattress so I can pull it out of my back pocket, checking it in the darkness. A friend request. _Renesme Carlie Cullen_—a picture of a crazy haired woman, leaning out over a balcony, an ancient city in the background. There is a message attached: _make sure you drink plenty of water._ And a little cherry emoticon at the end.

Before my eyes shut, I hover my finger over the screen.

'_Accept_.'

* * *

**Yay! They're Facebook friends. The first step!**

**So many of you are not happy with this Jake. But I'm not going to apologize for how I've created this AU character. As much as we'd all like to think that we'd just tell a partner who might act like Bella has to go jump off a cliff, (Possibly in more colorful language.) The reality is most of us wouldn't, at least not initially. **

**Good people get trod on. And used. And taken for granted. And Jake is a good person. And Bella is guilty of all the above.**

**It can take time to fall out of love with someone. The heart and brain can want two very different things.**

**Anyhow...**

**So, this was only a short little chapter. The aftermath of all that booze. I'll give you all another, slightly more satisfying chapter on the weekend.**

**Thanks for sticking with me. And thanks for the reviews. Namaste.**

**Oh, and thanks Aretee for the Americanization beta. Rubbish V's Trash and all that jazz.**

**;-) Cheers. Marina.**


	7. 7 Riding in cars with boys and a girl

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…. **_

**_One handed I open the little bag resting on my chest and dangle a cherry by its stem over my mouth, biting it from its suspended perch. It's sweet and juicy and once again, just what I need. The flavour washes out the figurative bad taste in my mouth from the evening's events. I'm still a little drunk and I spit the pit out, letting it land wherever in my room. From the soft muted thud I hear, I guess it's on the rug under my study chair. Five cherries later, I have a collection of seeds scattered somewhere around my room and I'm happy to just now go to sleep. I hope the clarity of a new day can help me figure this Bella shit storm out. I know I should get up and brush my teeth but I can't be bothered. I'll just do it twice in the morning._**

**_I hear my phone ding with a message and I struggle to turn on the mattress so I can pull it out of my back pocket, checking it in the darkness. A friend request. Renesme Carlie Cullen—a picture of a crazy haired woman, leaning out over a balcony, an ancient city in the background. There is a message attached: make sure you drink plenty of water. And a little cherry emoticon at the end._**

**_Before my eyes shut, I hover my finger over the screen._**

**'_Accept.'..._**

* * *

**Chapter 7- Riding in cars with boys… and a girl**

It's two o'clock in the afternoon when I finally mosey on down to the beach. I slept late, waking up to a splitting headache and a mouth that feels like whatever it was that was growing in the back of Quil's car. I've been to see the doctor and I'm now sporting a lovely splint on my confirmed broken hand. My hand is immobilised for the next six weeks. Joy. At least though, it's a plastic splint and not plaster. Plaster would suck for the last week of summer. I say this as if not having to share your girlfriend with her ex isn't enough of a reason to have a sucky last week of summer.

As I had sat waiting to see the doctor, and then for the x-ray, and then for the splint, I had plenty of time to think about this whole Bella situation. I have come to the conclusion that no matter which way I look at it, this thing we have, it's probably on its last legs. Even if, after a week of sharing and patience on my behalf, she decides that I truly am the love of her life; I'm not sure she's still going to be the love of mine. And she'll be miles away in Pullman. I know she'll be even further from Dickward, but still. The long distance thing is hard. I would never have thought this only a day ago. But now… Now, I can't get past this idea of her uncertainty. Surely, soul mates know who each other are? You can't have _two_, so isn't it obvious who your soul mate is? I thought I had it all figured out. Obviously I was wrong. Dead wrong. About Bella. And about me.

Even with the manipulated green light I gave for her to see Edward, I can't help but feel two-timed and cheated. And I can't see me finding this an easy thing to get past. There is going to be a lot of poison seeds planted in our little garden of love. Maybe too many to weed out.

I am still resolute, however, that I'm _not_ going to take her up on the 'hall pass' offer. I'm steering clear of the female gender until all this crap is sorted. We don't need any more reasons to doubt and any distrust stirred up between us.

And all this is assuming she chooses me. 'Cause if she doesn'… well… well then… then I really am a sucker. And I don't know what the hell I'll do.

But I don't want to think about that now.

With a beach towel over my shoulder, I kick off my flip flops and hook them over my mannequin like thumb splint. I can see Embry sitting next to a chick with long black, dead straight hair half way down her back, I'm guessing is his new girl. They're sitting by a massive driftwood trunk half way up the beach.

"Well look what the cat dragged out!" yells Quil from behind the trunk, standing up to grab something out of the cooler as I approach.

"What time do you call this?" asks Emb lightly, smiling at me, his arm draped over the girl's shoulder.

"I told Quil I wasn't coming for lunch," I retort.

"I know. I'm only jokn'. I hear you had quite the fucked up night last night?" he asks as I plonk down on the greyed mineral sand next to him.

"Royally fucked," I say, holding up the splinted hand.

"It's broken?"

I nod, "boxer's fracture they called it."

"Can you still swim?"

"Don't see why not."

"I want to take Raven up to Taylor's point and show her how we cliff dive," he says puling her nearer.

"Hi," I say, introducing myself cause by best friend is obviously not going to.

"Oh shit!" he cusses, "Sorry, Jake this is Raven. Raven, Jake," motioning between us both.

"Hey," she says in return, "it's good to finally meet you. Put a face to the name," she smiles and I can see what Embry sees in her, she's pretty. I hope they have a better time of things than me and Bells.

"So he's got you cliff diving hey?"

She shrugs, "I'm not sure. I think I'll watch the others. I don't think I'm game for it yet. Ness is way gutsier than me," she says, looking down towards the water.

My gaze follows Ravens and I see Seth running into the waves, diving and he tackles a chick into a swell. Ness. I have indeed succeeded in to committing the name to memory, at last. I don't remember much of last night, but her… I _do_ remember. Images of last night flash by me. A tiny kid getting ready to deck me. A cracked mud mask. Water bottles. Pillows. Cheese sandwiches. Cherries. Ness.

She's sporting a little black bikini today. Far cry from her expensive brand pyjamas. And Seth was right. She aint no kid.

Well fuck me.

She is tiny, but there is no mistaking that body for a child's.

I watch them in the surf. Seth is trying to tackle her back into the water as she starts to run back towards the beach. He swings one arm around her waist, pulling her backwards, into the white wash and against him. It's obvious what he's doing. He's pulling out all the stops to touch her. Walking that fine line between touching before it becomes _touching. _I can hear her squeals as she gets up and gets pulled back for the third time. As I watch his overt display of pursuit, I can't for the life of me figure out why I suddenly want to pick Clearwater up by his throat and toss him out to sea. Can't he see the girl wants to get out of the water? Just fucking-well let her!

Eventually, he lets her up, casually draping his arm over her shoulder as they walk up the sand. All buddy-buddy like. I feel like a perv, but I can't help but watch her curves sway as she makes her way over to me— I mean us. She sneaks out from under Seth's arm as she ducks down to grab her towel, wrapping it around herself.

"Hi Jake," she says before she lifts the towel to dry face and squeezing it around the massive bun she has her hair up in. "So your hand is broken? I thought it would be." She's flashing quick morsels of creamy skin as she goes about drying herself.

"Well it made a loud enough whack," I say, trying not to be too obvious that I'm sneaking glances.

She lifts her head up, wrapping the towel around her shoulders and moves to sit between Raven and the driftwood trunk, effectively cutting off my show and also forcing Seth to sit somewhere else.

She leans back, behind Raven and Emb so I can see her again, her arm leaning out behind her as she inclines. "How long do you have to wear the splint for?" she asks, genuinely interested.

"Six weeks. But at least I can get it wet."

"What? You gunna come cliff diving with us?" she queries, a challenging glint in her eye. This is a very different girl from the one I met last night. She seems lighter, more comfortable.

"You're really gunna jump?" I can't keep the scepticism out of my voice. Most chicks run a mile at the ides of jumping off a twenty foot cliff.

She shrugs, one of her delicate shoulders rising up to her jaw, "Seth promises me that it's deep enough and that there is absolutely no hidden rocks to paralyse myself on underneath. What a life experience. To have access to what is normally private Reservation land and I have the opportunity to jump from… the continent of North America… into the Pacific Ocean. How can I possibly let that experience pass me by?" she says, an amazingly honest and free smile spreading across her lips.

I'm intrigued by her different and original look on life. The only time I could get Bells to show any interest in jumping is when she was in her near-suicidal stage. This little firecracker on the other hand, is keen to leap so that she can experience life a little more.

"Well, shall we go?" Embry chimes in, using my knee to help himself off the ground. He's looking at me over his shoulder as he does this. An eyebrow raised, a private question in his eye. I think to myself… _what_? Get your hands of me fag. But he keeps on looking at me. I just give a dead pan stare back. "What?" I mouth silently.

He leans over to his new girlfriend, holding her hand and hoisting her up as he says to me, "So I take it Bella's not coming today?" ever the subtle cock.

Alright asshole. I don't need a reminder that I have a girlfriend. I'm just talking to her. Jesus.

"No. No she's not Embry." I answer with a tight lip. "She's taking today to be alone to think about things. I'm going over to her place tomorrow." I really don't need a reminder of how fucked up my love life is right now.

Ness makes a little scoffing noise at my comment. I think she thought it was under her breath, but I heard it. I think I catch the tail end of an eye roll too as I turn my head to her. But then again, I can't see much of her face, because she's slipping a little cotton dress over her head. Her little-big tits are on fine display in that triangle bikini as she extends her arms over her head letting the white cotton dress slip over her chest. I see both Seth and Quill getting an eye full too. Again, I feel all protective of her. I'm not sure if I'm ok with her wearing that kind of swimwear. The dress is thin strapped, almost see-through now it's wet from her bikini and it only comes down to her mid-thigh. Really, it barely covers anything. I wish she had a turtle neck and sweats to put on. No, not ok with her choice of costume.

Oblivious the fact that three out of the four of us guys on the beach have just watched her dress, she picks up her bag and sandals. "So are we going cliff diving of what?"

We all snap back to reality, shuffling and making our way up the sand.

Embry has his two-door Tacoma already parked in the lot and we decide it easier if the four of us just sit in the back on the bed as he and Raven drive us up to the third beach trail. Seth jumps up first, reaching a hand to help Ness up while Quil gets her bag. It's a bit of a joke how tall Emb has jacked his pick-up. I mean, I helped him do it, it's hot. But when a five foot nothing little girl wants to jump up the back…It's a joke. On her tippy toes she can only just see over the tailgate.

"You want a boost?" I offer behind her, bending down to give my knee as a step up.

"I think that's a good idea," she laughs, bracing one hand against the truck and the other on my shoulder. I really could have just walked to the back and lowered the tailgate. But where's the fun in that?

In less than a second, she's up, standing on my leg and being pulled up from under her arms by Clearwater. And in no more than two more seconds, I'm up and in the back too. Seth sits against the rear window, facing backwards, patting a space next to him.

"It's easier if you can lean on something," he explains. Yeah right Seth, _I'm sure you'll catch her if she bounces around too much_ I think, like a jealous asshole.

Bella. Bella. Bella. I chant to myself. Not collecting the hall pass. I love Bella. Gunna prove I'm serious about us. The kid gave her number to Seth anyway—not me.

She gave _me_ cherries and a friend request.

Ness sits down and Quil follows, squeezing in beside them. All three are squashed between the wheel wells, hips and legs pressed together. You'd think it would be all sexy squeezing up against her. It won't be. It's gunna be mighty uncomfortable when we go over bumps.

I push the cooler into the rear corner with my foot and move to sit against the tail gate. Getting a good show of Tweedledee and Tweedledum as they vie for Alice's cousin's attention.

Emb backs out of the parking space and heads for the south exit onto the main road. It's highly illegal, sitting in the back like this, but who's gunna stop us? No cops here on the Res, the elders who police things like this are; my dad, Seth's mom and Quil's grandad. We're safe.

It doesn't take long for the first bump. In fact, it's only the speed bump in the parking lot. Embry takes it way too fast. Asshole. And all four of us, plus the cooler are airborne. Me, landing more or less where I started. Seth and Quill too. But Ness, she has nothing to hold on to in the middle like that and she flies up, landing sideways across the cooler that has slit half way across the tray. The right angled plastic corner into the side of her gut.

"Hey!" I shout to Embry. Thumping on the outside of the truck, motioning for him to stop for a sec. He does and we all lurch around by the sudden breaking.

"Are you ok?" Seth asks shifting to help her.

She nods, not answering, winded. She coughs a little, gripping her side as she does.

"Fucking go a bit faster next time dick!" Seth yells through the rear cabin glass to Embry.

"Sorry!" he yells back. "I just assumed you all would be holding on!"

"He has a good point," Quil agrees, "you can hold _my_ hand if you like Ness."

Ding, ding, ding, ding! I was waiting for the Aterra charm to get turned on. Seth is glaring death rays at him. Ness just looks awkward.

"Um, I just might sit over here," she mumbles, crawling over to the back corner. Next to me.

I'm spread out all over the place, so I move, designating myself to one side and pull the cooler between us. She nestles into the corner, arm's out stretched over each side of the metal, her legs crossed in front of her. I bang on the back of the truck a few times and Embry takes off again, this time accelerating slightly _under_ the land speed record.

We travel along the winding roads of the Olympic wilderness. I turn from my position, scanning down, out of the tray, at the white lines on the asphalt as they flick by underneath us. I can see in my peripheral vision Ness doing the same. I look over to watch her as she turns around and tucks her legs under her, peering over the edge of the tray. She gazes up to the trees that line the road, an exhilarated smile splitting her lips as her teeth are revealed. It's a warm day, and for once in our miserable lives up here in the pacific North West, it's sunny. The sun is shining down on us, unobscured by the Sitka spruce on our sideline and it's pleasant. She closes her eyes, and I can see her appreciating the warmth of the rays. Enjoying every moment for all it's worth. It's beautiful. _She's_ beautiful.

Shit. I gotta cut this shit out. Bella. I love Bella. There is no doubt in my mind. There isn't. I'm going to go down with the ship if it's sinking. I'm not giving up this easily. I can't give up on us. I won't. There could never be anyone else who could compare to her. Never, ever, ever, ever. These are the things I tell myself. I mean, she's _Bells_. My Bells… But she's _his _Bella too. I think this ship is already under water.

And Ness is beautiful.

A few minutes later and we're pulling up to the little shoulder that has been etched out by the various visitor who have also stoped here in the past. The path is easy, well used by hiking enthusiasts and folks wanting a quieter beach than First is. Irrespective of this, Seth and Quill are still trying to help and hold Ness over every puddle and pebble. I just keep up my post, trailing from the rear as we walk mostly single file, sometimes two a breast. Ateara and Clearwater somehow managing to make it three alongside in segments. I stay solitary. Content to look but not touch. Bella is the only girl I want to touch. Even if it is thorough the bottom of a looking glass boat. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

We reach the sand and we stroll down to the beginning of the overland trail that will take us to the top of the point. Embry has decided to stay with Raven for the first round of jumps. Keep her company and all. Keep her mouth company with his tongue more like it.

We strip off our t-shirts, Ness… her dress. But why would I notice that? I don't, I don't notice.

The four of us—tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum, Alice's cousin, and me, the Cheshire cat who disappears off the radar when the twins are doing their thing— we make our way along the path, up to the cliff top.

This path is not as well maintained as the first, there are various branches and shrubs encumbering our way. Seth is still fawning, offering his hand every few yards. I can't help the little feeling of satisfaction that settles in me as I note she only takes his offer of assistance twice on the whole half mile journey.

We've all done this climb dozens of times—all except Ness. It's practically an initiation into the Quileute tribe. Well, it is to our little gang of hooligans anyway. But no matter how many times I've done it, it's still breath taking to make your way out of the forest growth and see the visa below, north is Teahwhit head and south is the stunning outcrops around Strawberry point.

I'm always humbled being up here. How many generations of my people have stood and awed at the view, found their inner strength and leapt from this very spot.

"Wow!" gasps Ness, her voice carried on her breath like a hush as she comes through the undergrowth. "Just, wow!" It is quiet for a spell, nothing but the wind, the trickle of the waterfall as it cascades down into the ocean and the shrill piping call of the oystercatchers nesting on the small rocky ledges below us.

"It's so beautiful here." She turns to look at all three of us, like she's seeing us for the first time. "How many of your people must have stood right here, in this exact spot, and marveled at the view as they dived into this little slice of heaven?"

I can't reply. I'm too overcome by the way she has just taken the words from my thoughts.

"You think my grandfather new about this place when he was a kid?" Quil Ateara V asks, ... genuinely, as if this is the first time it has occurred to him that we, in fact, did not discover this cliff as eight year olds. I can't help but shake my head. Fucking idiot. And by the look on Ness's face, this one glimpse into the psyche of my friend has just knocked him out of the running for her affections. And boy, does little Sethie know it too. Smirking like an idiot. Thinks he's a sure thing now she knows Quil is obtuse.

"So, we gunna do this?" he asks, wasting no time to take his presumed winnings, holding her by the hand and pulling her closer to his side and closer to the edge..

"What? Together?" she shrieks, her eyes wide with caution. "Isn't that kind of dangerous? Won't we kind of… collide when we hit the water?"

"Noooo," says Seth instantly, all bravado and swagger. "We jump in pairs all the time."

He's lying, we don't, and if we do, it's several feet apart. You wouldn't want to smash heads on the way in, knock yourself out and drown. "Seth, come on man," I petition. I don't want her pretty face smashed in by Clearwater's watermelon head. "Let her go. You really should be at least a yard or two apart."

I pretty sure I'm giving my best '_older brother from another mother, I'm more responsible, the face of reason_', face. Because that's the motive behind me basically telling him to get his hands off her. Safety.

He's not buying it, the face I mean, not the OH&amp;S. He's eyeing me from the side. Like he's just realized I might be some sort of competition for him. Not that I am because, I love Bella. Bell is my life. She is my girlfriend. Even with a hall pass, I am going to maintain faithfulness. Bella. I love her.

Just not too sure if she loves me back.

Going down with the ship.

But Seth is eyeing me off, I can almost hear the mental growl of "_Mine_" coming from him. I get it. You got her number Seth. The only reason she's even here is because you invited her. She's yours.

But she gave me cherries.

And a friend request.

"Let's all go together," she logics. "Line up a good arm's length apart and count to three."

This kid is like a diplomatic expert, I've watched her for the last half hour dodge hands and looks, re-interpreted suggestive comments and save herself from anything from a broken nose to a lung full of saltwater by not synchronize diving with a sixteen year old who can barely synchronize his own hand when he tugs one off. Not that I have seen Seth tugging one off— it's just a saying— one that sounded better in my head.

'All in at once' sounds like a very good idea. So we line up, Seth situates himself right next to her and predictably, Quil scurries over to the other side. I move in over next to Quil, giving him a friendly slap on the back as I do. "Who's gunna count?"

"You do it Jacob," she says, leaning over and looking at me. Trust and something deeper in her eyes. I think it might just be fondness. I hope she can see it reciprocated back.

"Are you sure you're ready?" I ask her. And I mean _really_ ask her. I'd hate to think she did something just because she felt pressured to do it. Like give Seth her number.

"Ready as the day I was born" she nods, the excitement evident in her voice.

"All right then." I nod, standing upright and taking a deep breath. My lungs filled with the clean fresh air of the ocean, a sight tang of salt on my lips. "One, two, three!"

And we all jump. Not an ounce of synchronization between the four of us. Landing in the water with mighty splashes. It takes a few seconds to surface and immediately, I check that Ness has surfaced. This protectiveness is almost instinctive. I would have made a good big brother.

We all start to swim to shore, casual long strokes against the current. And before long, we're up on the sand, laughing and walking to where we left our towels and our friends.

"Shit!" says Embry as we approach them, "If I'd known you were all gunna jump together I would have gone with you guys the first time."

I stand off, letting the water drip off me. No use wetting my towel if we're gunna go back in. In next to no time however, Ness has a towel wrapped around that bikini I haven't been looking at.

"You guys should go again, I'll stay here and keep Raven company. Have some girl talk," she says, sitting down into the sand.

"All righty then," Emb sings, leaning over to kiss his girl before taking off towards the trail, Seth and Quil with him.

I stall for a moment, watching as Ness slips that cotton dress over her head, the neck-line catching on the wet bun coiled atop her head. That silver chain around her neck stuck across her face. I resist the urge to reach out and help her.

"Jake!" Embry yells, a cautionary tinge to his tone. His shout pulls my eye from this tiny girl I've only just met, before she sees me peering. I jog up the white sand, making light of the natural obstacle course of the strewn drift wood as I catch up to my friends.

Again I follow up the rear.

I'm avoiding the probing look Emb gives me as I fall in behind him on the narrow, single file track. Embry's ass is far less inspiring than Ness's was. Not that I'm looking at his ass… I wasn't looking at hers either… much…I'm just saying… she was walking in front of me… and so is he… I can't help it… oh shit—don't worry about it…

Anyway, we jump again. The four of us guys at the same time. Still no synchronicity at all.

We swim back to shore and find the two girls deep in conversation. Ness is talking earnestly and Raven listening with equal intent. Emb makes some kind of whistle noise as we approach and they both jump. They look momentarily like they have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. It doesn't last for long though. Raven gives Emb a welcome kiss and then she's eyeing me from her periphery, indecision in her expression. Why? — I have no idea.

Ness, on the other hand, is rubbing sunscreen onto her legs. I'm trying not to look at her, really honestly, I am, but for crying out loud, with those curves, I have no idea how I could have though she was a kid last night, none what so ever. Her gaze meets mine and she looks away quickly, not before I catch the look of sympathy though. What the hell? What does she know that would give her cause to look at me like that? Then it occurs to me. Any conversation I've had with her has been either, on the edge of heartbroken depression or drunken perversion. She must think you're such a looser. Real smooth Black, real smooth.

Everyone decides to call it a day and we start to head back along the trail to the car. Quill and Seth as arguing over who is going to drive Ness home. Quil's car is parked at the Clearwater's place, so they compromise, agreeing that they both will. Then quietly they negotiate the details out of Nessie's earshot, deciding that both the boys will sit in the front and Ness in the back. Neither one willing to give the other time in the back seat with a girl. I wouldn't trust either of them either.

Me though, I'm not really ready to go home yet. I might get Emb to drop me back at First beach, I wouldn't mind a good swim or a surf. I feel like I only just got to the beach before we left, in fact I had. I missed lunch and whatever picnic thing they already did because I was sitting at the clinic.

This thought of missing the picnic because of my hand now reminds me of two things. My pain meds are starting to wear off— they're sitting on the counter of my dad's kitchen— and I'm starving, the solution to that predicament, also in dad's kitchen. I'd better go home for both.

So here I am, following behind everyone; Emb and Raven up front, hand in hand, Seth and Quil still trying to flank the poor girl. I'm no expert in body language, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want either of their advances. She's brushing off their totally transparent attempts at contact and sweeps of fingers. In all honesty, it's mostly Quil –he's a handsie little fucker—but she's brushing them both off. She's being pretty gracious about it too. I guess she has to be nice, if she wants a lift back to Forks. I could take her. If she was in my car, I'd let her ride shot gun. I mean… if she wanted.

* * *

**So now we****'re getting somewhere****… sort of. Seth may be a teeny weenie obstacle.**

**Thank you Aretee for the truck Americanisation. In my part of the word a ****'truck****' is a big big rig and in summer, at the beach of a fictional La Push, kids ride in utes. But we****'re a bit reversed here down under. So thanks L for removing all my _S_****_'s_ and adding all those Z****'s ! (Note: I left the 'S' in Americanisation- just to prove a point.) **

**I****'m terrible Muriel. (Only a tenth of you will get that line.) Let me know if you do****…**

**And if you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Cheers, Marina**

**.**_  
_


	8. Chapter 8 - Look But Don't Touch

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

_Everyone decides to call it a day and we start to head back along the trail to the car. _

_So here I am, following behind everyone; Emb and Raven up front, hand in hand, Seth and Quil still trying to flank the poor girl. I'm no expert in body language, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want either of their advances. She's brushing off their totally transparent attempts at contact and sweeps of fingers. In all honesty, it's mostly Quil –he's a handsie little fucker—but she's brushing them both off. She's being pretty gracious about it too. I guess she has to be nice, if she wants a lift back to Forks. I could take her. If she was in my car, I'd let her ride shot gun. I mean… if she wanted._

**Chapter 8 - Look but don't touch.**

Like she could hear my thoughts, Ness turns and starts walking backwards for a bit, looking straight at me. It freaks me out. Was I talking out loud again?

"So Jacob, apart from the obvious," she says, lifting her hand, the same one of mine that's broken, "how are you feeling? Any crippling headaches from self-induced ethanol based dehydration?" the little shit has a smirk on her face, like she's revelling in the notion of me having a hangover.

"I do have a mild headache, thankyou. I somehow managed to be mostly re-hydrated last night though. I have a vague recollection of some miniature person snatching the alcohol out of my hands and forcing the water into it." I smile at her, I guess a little smirk forms on my face too. I never really thanked her for looking after me last night. I guess, this is a close as I'm gunna get to giving her gratitude.

"You're welcome," she says, her voice kind of singing, it's sweet and she has a sparkle in her eye as she looks at me. I look at her as she smiles at me… and I smile at her… and we're both smiling at each other… Shit. Am I flirting? I think I'm flirting. Oh shit. Bella Bella. Bella. Think about Bella. Even if she's not _just_ thinking about you. I gotta give it a good go.

Ness must notice the change in me because now, her eyes have lost that sparkle and that smile seems a little forced and she turns around to walk forwards again.

I feel guilty as hell as we walk up the path. The girl is beautiful. I think any red-blooded male who meets her would be infatuated. I can't help but be at least a _little_ attracted to her, I'm a seventeen year old boy. But I love Bella. I'm in a relationship—A completely fucked up, sitting on a knife's edge, possibly not reciprocated relationship. But a relationship nonetheless. And no matter what kind of permission slip I've got; I 'aint no cheater.

Look but don't touch, Jacob. And when you are looking, do not, I repeat, _do not_ get caught doing so, and no, absolutely NO touching. Did I just give myself permission to look at Ness's ass? I think I did. Well, if Bella is maybe kissing the Ed—that idea still makes my stomach tie in knots— I think I have it well with in my rights to just look. I refuse to mentally note that I promised Bella less that twenty-four hours ago that I'd love her forever and I would _not_ be taking her up on her hall pass. I'm not. I'm just looking.

Looking…Guys do it all the time. Doesn't make them cheaters. Again, I refuse to acknowledge that pesky little voice in my head telling me I've never actually _wanted_ to look at anyone but Bells before. At least not until now. And the woman in front of me has the sexiest calves I've ever seen, they're lean and long, and just a hint of definition as she walks along the gravel in her jelly sandals.

Ness stops suddenly, turning around to me and flipping her back pack off her shoulders. I feel like I've just been caught ogling and man, do I feel a crazy conflicted feeling of both guilt and pleasure. But I needn't have worried, she doesn't even look up to me. She's busy fumbling through her bag, yanking out her phone, the tone of some syncopated drum rhythm ringing out of the little rectangle. The sound is abruptly cut off as she answers.

"Uel!" Seth and Quil have stopped to wait for her as she slows to talk, but she silently waves them on, slipping back so that she is now at the rear as she practically screams into the cell, her entire face lighting up. "Yeah, I got in yesterday."

"Not yet. I think I might skate for a while. Yeah," she says to into the phone. I can't help but listen in as I throw my towel over the other shoulder in a ruse to turn my head and check she's still walking. If I'm being honest, I already can tell she still is by how close her voice is, but I want to see her face. She's so damn happy talking to this person. She has a hold of that pendant around her neck and she's absently sliding that angel back and forward. "You wouldn't believe what I just did," she continues.

"No you asshole," she laughs, "I jumped from a cliff! Honestly."

All of sudden Embry is by my side and I'm distracted from my covert listening. "So… Dude… Ah… I… I…" he clears his throat, starting again. "What exactly…?" again he sighs, a nervous break as he seems to think about his choice of words. "Ness… told… Raven…" he starts for a third time, still unable to spit out the words. Embry isn't always the most eloquent of speakers but this awkward, even for him.

"What Emb? What did she tell Raven?" My best friend, the kid I've known since kindergarten, the guy I borrowed my first porno off, the boy who helped me skin my first deer when the elders took us hunting when we were twelve, he's looking at me like I'm about to get a diagnosis of a terminal illness. What the hell do the chicks know that I don't?

"Ness told Raven that she saw Bella at the Cullen house this morning and that she went straight up into the bedroom wing. I mean, she didn't say if she saw her go into Edward's room. Maybe she was going to see Alice? Just… Ness thinks you're being strung along and she told Raven, who agrees with Ness, and she told me and… I had to tell you man, I had to tell you." He spits it all out in just about one breath.

I don't know what to think about this new information. Would Bella really have lied to my face last night? Chosen to cancel our plans, to choose not to spend the day with me and instead choose to see the Ed? I didn't think there was anything left in my chest to shovel out. But _no_, there must have been a little bit of dignity back behind the spleen, because I feel the loss. The logical part of my brain thinks I should be angry. But I'm not, I'm empty again. There is something very exposing about having your relationship problems a shared secret and that you're the last to find out about it. It's humiliating and heart breaking. And I think Bella lied to me. She's a terrible, liar too. Normally I can see through them a mile away. But yeah, I think she lied to me.

"Ness said she didn't want to be the one to tell you, and Raven said she doesn't know you very well so she told me. And I'm sorry man. Honestly, I wouldn't have said anything, it's only that… we all saw how bad she was last year…"

I cut him off. "Yeah Emb. Don't worry about it. I'm not gunna shoot the messenger. Thanks for telling me." I say. Doing my best to smile at him. Constipated look again, I can pretty much guarantee it. _I will not cry, I will not cry_, I say as a mantra to myself, pushing all those betrayed emotions down, down, down. I'll deal with them later, much later, when all I have is my twin size and my motorbike bedspread surrounding me.

"Ok," Emb says softly, giving me a brotherly pat on the back. "Ok?"

"Yeah, Ok." I nod, giving him leave to jog back up to his girl who has been watching us with short backwards glances over her shoulder. And now Quil and Seth are looking at me, a question in their eyes. My head is down as I watch my feet step up the slight incline. I can't make eye contact, they're about to brim with tears and I couldn't handle that level of indignity right now.

"No, you Ass! The Washington boys are not quite as forward as the Romans," my ears pick up on Ness's conversation again. I can't help myself. Eavesdropping has all of a sudden become my hobby. _And,_ it gives me a sec to compose myself after talking to Embry. Why the hell would she ask for an open relationship then lie about seeing him today? Is it her way of letting me go easily? I sincerely hope not, 'cause there is nothing _easy _about it. I squeeze my eyes shut and force those god dam tears back inside my head. Push it down. Down, down, down.

"My butt," I hear her say.

God, I want to know who is on the other side of that phone line and what the hell they are talking about.

"It's too much effort, every, single, day. I'm thinking seriously about taking it to my boobs."

Again, I want to know. So bad.

What an awesome distraction.

"I don't care what she says. It's my life. I'm the one who has to put up with it all."

She's laughing at whatever the person is saying. "I haven't even shown him!" she giggles, "ok. OK! Here." She trots up beside me, keeping stride. "Here," she says to me handing me her phone, "talk to Nahuel, he wants to tell you something." What the hell? Who is Nahuel? And why would he want to talk to me?

"Hello?" I say, putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello Brother," says a deep voice of a man from the phone, "I need you to promise me you won't let her cut her hair too much."

"What?" I have no idea what they're talking about.

"Her hair," says the man with a half British, half Latino accent. "She has never had it cut and I think she would regret it if she cut it too short the first time. I need you to make sure she doesn't cut it above her boobs."

Is this guy serious? "Ah. Ok?"

"Now you make sure you look after my Nessie for me. Ok? She's had a rough year."

"Ok?"

"Good. Help her get a car too, don't let her skate everywhere. Oh, and when I say to her boobs, I mean when it's curly. Not this straightened shit. Curly hair to her boobs or her mother is going to kill her. Ok?"

"Ok?" I still have no idea why I am part of this conversation. And why she is _his _Nessie?

"Ok. Put the little visionary back on. Nice to talk to you Jacob Black."

"Um Bye?" I am now reduced to a blithering idiot. How the fuck does he know my whole name?

I hand the phone back to Ness to find her untangling her hair from the bun she's had it in. All of a sudden the phone conversation makes a lot more sense. She has the longest hair I have ever seen. Fuck a duck, it's longer than her ass. Fucking curlier that curly fries and long enough that she would sit on it if she wasn't careful. She mimes an apologetic look, and points to the crazy mass of wet ringlets falling over her like cousin 'It' as she takes the phone back.

We have finally made it to the end of the trail and I can hear her saying her good byes and hanging up.

"Sorry about that," she says to me, skipping up besides me. "He gets a bit over protective. We have a weird relationship. The boundary between friend and lover and brother and mother all get blurred sometimes. He loves my hair, but it's a massive pain in the ass. I want to be less of a side show spectacle."

Lover? She has a boyfriend? Of course she has. Why wouldn't she? I have a girlfriend… remember? Why is it such an issue if she has a boyfriend? It's not. I don't care. Of course not. Why would I care? That's right. I don't.

"You've _never _cut it?" I ask, giving her a boost into the pickup, this time from the lowered back of the tailgate.

"Never," she says in typical teenage mockery, moving to stand at the front of the truck bed. Still standing, she braces her legs at a steady shoulder-with apart and grips her hands tight on the rollbar, preparing to ride whilst standing up. "I've always wanted to do this," she says looking up and over the roof of the truck. "And anyway, I think it might be a great way to dry it off," she adds lifting her eyes and brows to a curl across her forehead, flicking it and nodding her head for me to come and stand next to her. Quill and Seth are both giving me dirty looks as I move to stand next to her, leaving no room for the other two. It's not my fault. She asked me. I'm not gunna be rude, am I?

So, Tweedledum and Tweedledee move to their corners and—I'm guessing—stare daggers at the back of my head but still check out Nessie's ass. I tap the top of the cabin and Emb takes off. Ness's hair flies behind her initially, but about twenty seconds into the journey, it starts flicking up and down and swirling in a maelstrom of brown-red mess. It's in her eyes, in my face and this is an epic fail if I've ever seen one. One handed, she's trying to grab it all and pull it over her shoulder. But there is so much of it and the wind is buffering it everywhere, it's not working. Holding on with my good hand, I help her, scooping long strands into the bunch she has gathered over her shoulder. I'm a helpful kind of guy, what can I say?

Then Embry—who has now cemented his position as my best friend for life—takes a corner a little too fast and she shifts, her body toppling a bit too far sideways. In my direction. If I wasn't a hormonal seventeen year old boy, I may have thought this quite a dangerous and perilous thing—but I _am_ a hormonal seventeen year old boy. So, instead of suggesting we sit down, I catch her and shift behind her. My arms cadging around as she moves to stand between my legs. One hand is griping the roll bar, the other stays where it caught her, around her waist, flat across her stomach.

She's so freakn tiny. I lift my arm and check—yep—she'd fit under my arm. And she doesn't pull away from my hold. Quite the opposite, she leans her head and presses her back into my chest, and… suddenly, my chest is full. Like… full up… swelling or some shit. And I lean my head down and press my jaw into the side of her face, and she press's it back.

This is so easy. THIS is as easy as breathing.

Easy as Breathing?

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Bella. Bella. Bella. Oh fuck. Look but no touching, Black.

This is touching. SHIT!

I unwind my hand from her, slowly sliding of off the dip of her waist and pulling my entire body back. "Um Ness? Let's sit down," I lean further down and say into her ear. She has her eyes closed, holding her mop of hair in a fist against her heart. She opens them suddenly at my words, turning her head to me. Our faces are inches apart, the initial confusion and then the hurt and chagrin in her eyes is apparent.

"Oh… Ok... Yeah… sure," she smiles, trying to step sideway. I can see she's biting the inside of her lip. It's not the same as the way Bella does it. That shit is sexy as fuck. This, what Ness is doing now, this is trying to fake a happy look, or even worse, it's the look of fighting back tears.

Being true to my seventeen year old form, though, I totally ignore it. We both turn around, me moving away so that there is at least some space between us as we sit back down. Our ass's side along the rear window until they land on the cool aluminium tray below. I don't look at her again. I look staring ahead, which is actually backwards and unfortunately, it's also straight at my two friends who are… not happy… to say the least. Quill is working his jaw like his getting ready to bite a chunk out of me and Seth is clenching and unclenching his fists like his itching to break his hand too, only it would be on my face, not a bathroom vanity.

I have just fucked this up bad. Really bad. I sneak a little look at Ness as we pull up outside of Seth's house. She glances at me, before quickly shifting her eyes away, but it's enough time for me to catch a glimpse of glassy chestnut. I don't want to make her cry. It's just… I'm with Bella…kind of… and she… she has a Latino boyfriend…at least I think she does… and I told Bella I wouldn't… but Bella lied to me… And Ness? Ness gave me cherries and a sandwich and water and pain killers and she wouldn't let me go up and check on them last night, and she listened. She listened to me. And she leaned up against me. She didn't pull away… I did that. And now Seth is holding her hand as she jumps down from the tray.

She turns around as Embry and Raven yell their goodbyes out the window, waving back to them and then thanking them for the picnic lunch that I wasn't at. I've just realized I am really hungry now too.

Then Ness rummages around her backpack and she lops over to me. "I saved this for you," she says, not meeting my eye as she hands over a little triangle package of waxed paper. "I thought you might be hungry, it's good hangover food." I open it up to find a piece of pie, the lattice strips across the top oozing a deep, rich, glossy red filing; cherry. "I made it this morning and I wanted to make sure you got a piece."

"Thanks," I say, a little choked up. I'm an asshole to her last night and she makes me pie. And then she chooses to _still_ give it to me after I'm an even bigger asshole today.

"No problem," she shrugs. "I might see you around Jacob. If not, I'll see you at school."

Emb starts the car and reverses out the drive, back towards my street. I can't stop watching her as we drive up the road. She's standing there, her hand up in a waving gesture, not waving though, just up, like she's forgotten to move it. I take a bite of the pie after a few yards. An explosion of sweet and tart and delicious hits my tongue. "It's good!" I yell from down the street smiling, holding up the half eaten slice and crinkled paper. "Thank you Renesmee."

She grins, that same smile I saw earlier when she answered the phone now directed at me. It's beautiful. "You remembered my name!"

* * *

**So hi all, Jakey boy is still conflicted and still clinging on to whatever might be left of his relationship with Bells. But he has eyes for Ness, even if he won't admit it.**

**I post this chapter from the transit lounge from Changi airport in Singapore. Fresh off an 8 hr flight from Oz, waiting 3hrs for the 12hr flight to Amsterdam. It's gunna be a long Mo-Fo day.**

**I'm hopeful thought, that when I get to some WiFi again I'll have an inbox full of reviews. Make my dreams come true girls. Please!**

**Hope you've enjoyed. Marina**


	9. Chapter 9 - Jumping to Conclusions

**OK, we're aback to a little Bella angst chapter. This is the penultimate angst chapter. Jake is getting angrier and angrier as time goes by. But he is still a guy and guys think with their dicks. Or at least this Jake does, sort of.**

**Enjoy.**

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…. **__I have just fucked this up bad. Really bad. I sneak a little look at Ness as we pull up outside of Seth's house. She glances at me, before quickly shifting her eyes away, but it's enough time for me to catch a glimpse of glassy chestnut. I don't want to make her cry. It's just… I'm with Bella…kind of… and she… she has a Latino boyfriend…at least I think she does… and I told Bella I wouldn't… but Bella lied to me… And Ness? Ness gave me cherries and a sandwich and water and pain killers and she wouldn't let me go up and check on them last night, and she listened. She listened to me. And she leaned up against me. She didn't pull away… I did that. And now Seth is holding her hand as she jumps down from the tray…_

…"_I might see you around Jacob. If not, I'll see you at school."_

_Emb starts the car and reverses out the drive, back towards my street. I can't stop watching her as we drive up the road. She's standing there, her hand up in a waving gesture, not waving though, just up, like she's forgotten to move it. I take a bite of the pie after a few yards. An explosion of sweet and tart and delicious hits my tongue. "It's good!" I yell from down the street smiling, holding up the half eaten slice and crinkled paper. "Thank you Renesmee."_

_She grins, that same smile I saw earlier when she answered the phone now directed at me. It's beautiful. "You remembered my name!"_

**Chapter 9**

Sunday morning I wake up feeling much better than Saturday morning had found me. I had had a quiet night. After I got home from the cliff diving. I made dinner for me and dad. Something moderately healthy and not directly from the freezer. I continued to rehydrate. I shut myself up in my room. I contemplated my current relationship status. I agonised over every possible outcome and grappled with every possible direction Bella and I could be headed in. And I came to some probable conclusions. Had a shower. A very _long_ shower. Cried into my motorbike pillow case. And then got about twelve hours of fitful sleep.

Oh, and I stalked Renesmee Carlie Cullen on Facebook somewhere in the middle of all that. I think it was _before_ the shower.

After lunch, dad and I drive over to Charlie and Bella's. He gives me the once over about my hand. He's concerned about my high school football career. Like I could give a dam about that today. I'm on my way to Bella's house. When we enter the front door dad hands Charlie a six pack and they settle in front of the plasma within about thirty seconds of us arriving. I'm hovering between the other recliner and my father. Leaning on the handle of his wheelchair and sitting half of my ass on the arm of the sofa, I watch Charlie point the remote to the TV, turning it on. The pre-game commentary flashes up on the screen and I try to focus on it. Even for just a few minutes as I get my shit together.

I know Bella is somewhere in the house. Normally she's in the kitchen cooking up something for as men folk to eat for supper. But I don't hear any noise from there today. Then suddenly, any attempt to watch the commentary show vaporizes as I realise that… maybe… she _isn't_ home. She said she would be. But… she also said she wanted to be alone yesterday. And we all know _that_ was a load of bull shit.

After all my torment filled deliberations last night, and still some more today, I have decided that I want to talk to her before I make any decisions. Pussies' way out? Maybe. Some may say that. Embry for example. In fact, that's exactly what he called me when he called me this morning and I told him I was going to talk to her before making any decisions and that I wanted to still be with her. He called me a few other words too. They rhymed with 'duck bed'.

I, however, am going to call myself mature and considered. I refuse to throw out this thing we have so easily. Just like Ness said to me as she stood/sat century over the tequila the other night, if Bella is really worth it—and she is—then she's worth waiting for. So I'll wait for her to make up her mind.

I have always thought of myself as a patient guy, but this waiting is torture. Not even a weekend of drawn-out— break up/make up— or whatever this is and I'm already jumping out of my skin. I don't know if I can make it the rest of the week. I'm feeling tired and beaten and so very unsure of what it is exactly that we do have. But I think I still want to fight for it. Whatever it is. I think I do? I don't know. It may just all come down to how honest she is with me today.

But if she isn't even here to talk about it—well that's kind of incensing. And heartbreaking. And quite possibly the last nail in the coffin.

But this doesn't make me angry. Her not being here instead makes me sad. So very, very sad. I want to fight for us but she doesn't even turn up for the weigh in. This reality has me reflexively leaning forward on my perch on the sofa arm, hunching in on myself as the knife twists. I must be a pussy.

Bella's father turns in his comfy seat of the La-Z-Boy, his focus off the TV and onto me. "She's in her room," he smiles at me, happy to let his just turned nineteen year old daughter's seventeen (and a half) year old boyfriend—if that's what we still are— up into her bedroom. As much as he plays the whole protective father thing, I know Charlie and my old man did some type of happy dance when me and Bells got together last year. I'm the son he never had. And he's like my second father. And the idea of me _actually_ being his son, at least by law, one day. Well, I know they did a happy dance. _I know it_. And the two old women- I mean old _men_\- contemplating a future where they might be somehow related… happy dances all around. I just know it. They may just be needing to limber up for a sombre heart-break dance soon.

Charlie smiles at me some more, nodding his head towards the stairwell. "You can head on up Jake. Just leave the door open. Okay son?" He mustn't have any idea The Ed is back in town. I know that too. I bet he thinks I'm just stalling in the living room with them as some kind of show of etiquette. Ugh. No.

I'm just a pussy.

Too sacred to find out if my girlfriend is also too much of a coward to have it out with me. But I'm wrong, she _is_ here. She's _here_. Not out, gallivanting off with him. But _here. _ Waiting for me.

A little weight I didn't know had even settled on me when I thought she was out, is lifted.

I stand, giving dad and Charlie a half smile and a lift of my eyebrows as I nod, trying my best to act as if everything is completely normal. Dad's not fooled for a sec. Probably heard me crying like a sissy last night. And I don't think Charlie is either. I wonder if Bella was crying last night too. Charlie would have heard it too.

I turn and face the stairs. The familiar amber yellow of the polished pine. The worn brown carpet runner than weaves its way up the treads. Up to the hall where I can see half of Bella's bedroom door, it's closed and I know she's behind it. Waiting for me. I'm torn, part of me wants to run upstairs like everything is normal. The way it was only two days ago. Because two days ago, I would have just ran straight up there, grabbed Bells from where ever she was, and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her senseless as a form of hello. Even a little press of my hips into hers, letting her know how just the sight of her has me harder than marble. But today is different. Everything is _not_ normal. I'm scared to go up there. To go up into her room and not be able to kiss her, to have her not _want_ me to kiss her. I'm scared that _**I **_won't want to kiss her. I don't know if I want to kiss her anymore.

I just keep having all these scenarios running through my head. Each one leaving me broken, shattered, alone. Without _her_. I know she said she wanted to spend time with both of us. But already she chose him over me yesterday. She ditched me to have 'some time to herself' but went to _him_ anyway. I'm scared that she'd already made her choice. And it's not me.

From my periphery, I can see the father hens watching me out of the corner of their eyes. My hesitation must be like I'm screaming my uncertainty. They're both still tuned towards the TV, but their shoulders are slightly twisted to me. Eyes flicking back and forwards from the screen to the real life soap my life is turning into. They know. They're acting as if they don't. But they do.

I steel myself, hoping the outward appearance of courage will somehow filter into my actual state of mind. Either way I make a promise to myself that I will maintain some dignity. Sucking in a steading breath, I race up the stairs, two at a time. Just like normal.

I stop outside her room, taking some more bolstering, cleansing breaths. Repeating my affirmations silently in my head. I have my spiel ready. I'm not going to be a pushover. I'm not going to allow myself be used. We're going to figure this out. She's worth fighting for. She's worth waiting for. And by god, she'd better tell me the truth about where she was yesterday.

I knock softly on her door and enter after her quiet invitation.

She's sitting cross legged on her bed with her lap top in front of her. She settles a little on the bed, closing the top of her computer as I pull the door closed behind me. It's not exactly closed. It's not latched. You can't see in the gap is so small. But technically it's not latched, ergo, it's not closed. Therefore we're keeping it open. I'm doing as Charlie ordered.

"Hey," I say softly as I sit uncomfortably on the edge of her bed, our knees inches apart. The curtain of her window is cracked open letting in a hint of the dull cloud shrouded afternoon sun just as it hits the horizon. Her room is washed in a cool blue grey, only highlighting the mood in the space between us.

"Hey," she answers, looking up at me, "I've been waiting for you to come."

"Yeah. I wasn't sure I was gunna. The guys all think I should just run from all this me or him shit. Emb especially."

"Emb?" she asks. She's surprised because she expects Embry to be her defender in all this. As kids, Emb was always around when Bella was at my place. I think he secretly had a crush on her too, but I got first dibs, so being the best friend he is, he backed off. Bros before hoes, even as eleven year olds. He's always been her supporter.

_Yes Embry! _ I think to myself. Is it so hard that my best friend would take my side on this fucked-up mess? I want to come right out and tell her that we all know she was at Cullen's yesterday. But I want _her_ to fess up. I'm giving her a chance. I'm waiting for her. So I change the subject by leading her to exactly the topic that is completely consuming my mind.

"So, did you have a good day yesterday? Figure stuff out?" I'm trying to sound patient, to seem like the cool, nonchalant, metrosexual boyfriend she wants me to be. But it's god-dammed _hard_. I can't help the little bit of caustic sarcasm that gets laced in to my enquiry.

Her eyes snap up to mine, searching, looking at me as if she's trying to read into the cutting tone. Do I know that she saw the Ed yesterday? Or am I just hurt by the whole 'I need to see both men' situation. The answer is both, sweetheart. I'm hurt by both.

She shifts in her cross-legged position, lifting her head and straightening her back and I refuse to break her eye contact. "I figured most of it out Friday night," she answers, as if that makes it all okay. "I went over to see Edward yesterday instead."

"Instead of coming to the beach like we had planned weeks ago?" I retort, not missing a beat. Now that she's told me, I don't care if she knows that I already knew. She's told me and I guess that counts for something. But I know it's going to be followed up with some lame ass excuse.

"Jake. It's not that I didn't want to see YOU, it's just… it's just that I didn't want to see all of the gang. I… I can't. I know they're going to hate me for doing this to you." She closes her eyes, sucking in a breath as she fights the tears. I want to hold her. I hate it when she cries but I don't know if I'm even allowed to hold her. A growing part of me doesn't want to anyway. This whole thing sucks ass.

"I know how ridiculously messed-up this is," she implores, "I know. It's ludicrous really. But I can't think of a better way to fix it." She pleads, shifting so that she is on her knees. Leaning closer to me but still not touching.

"Hey! I know!" I chime in sarcastically. "Tell him he's an asshole and he did his dash when he left you heartbroken and alone and all kinds of fucked up! That you love me! Tell him that Bella! That you're with me! That you love _me_!" I say slamming my chest with a closed fist to highlight, my voice breaking as I traitorously plead through clenched teeth.

"Oh Jake!" she cries, falling back onto her pillow, her legs still curled uncomfortably under her. "I do. I did! I told him all of that. But…" she drops off, staring at the ceiling, a tear falling down the side of her face. She wipes it slowly away, her hand coming to rest above her head. It reminds me of the damsel in distress swoon. Everything is silent for a few minutes. I feel a little better for getting that off my chest. I should have said all that when we were out on the porch swing at the party. But her silence is gnawing at me. I know the 'but…' is still hanging over us. The guillotine has been sharpened.

I slide off the bed, my ass hitting the floor with a thud. I lean against the side and rest my elbows on my bent up knees and just stare at her bookshelf next to her closet. It's filled with texts and novels, a few stuffed animals, trinkets and photo frames. Pictures of us. I wonder idly where the pictures of _him_ ended up.

She rolls on to her side, tucking her hands under her head and her gaze shifts to me. "But I love him still Jake. I don't know if I can trust him, but I do know that I still love him. I don't think I've ever stopped. And I'm sorry because that is unfair to you. But I can't help the way I feel. And I want to be honest. I love you. And what we have is great. And you are amazing J, you are. And I can't imagine a life without you in it. Just…"

"Just not with me as your boyfriend." I'm snarky and sarcastic. I don't like it when I'm this way but I can't help it, I keep casting the hurt into my voice and words at her. Baiting her.

She doesn't bite. She just keeps on ploughing on with what she wants to say. "I don't know. I _can_ see myself here with you. A life in Forks. A family of our own. Dad and Billy clucking over us. Easy as breathing. But I can see myself with him _too,_ Jake. I can see myself living life as a Cullen. Being with the other piece of my soul. We'll go to graduate school, have the picket fence house, live somewhere on the east coast. Living a very different life than one I'd have with you. But different nonetheless. Neither any _less_ that the other."

I've turned my head and we're looking into each other's eyes. They really are so beautiful. So deep and dark and alive. The eyes I thought I'd be looking into every day the rest of our lives. Imagining our kids with those eyes, our grandkids even, the eyes I'd hoped to wake up to every morning. Is that what she sees when she looks into mine? It think it is.

Her eyes close into a tight scrunch, and her lashes press against her cheeks and she swallows hard, her breath rasping before she continues. Then she opens them again, her steel gaze boring into me, her best friend, her oldest friend. My Bells.

"He asked me to marry him Jake. I didn't give him an answer. I don't know if I want that yet."

What the fuck?! She's only just turned nineteen. They're in college. They broke up. For a fucking year! And he comes back and in two days he's asking her to marry him? And she's considering it?!

"But I wanted to know something first." She stops to gather herself before continuing. "Could we still just be friends if I married Edward?" she asks me.

I am so far out of my depth. I can't compete with that.

I don't know why I even bothered.

She's dropped the guillotine blade. We're done.

I turn from my place on the ground. Crawling over to where she's lying and leaning onto the mattress, my face lowering as I come inches from her lips. "No," I whisper my breath blowing over her face as she quails sadly at my words, "we can't _just_ be friends ever again." I've laced so much venom and hate into my words, it even surprises me. I don't hate her. I don't... I love her. But hostility is the only defence I have, next to sobbing like a heart broken fool.

I congeal to my feet, turning and making a B–line for the door before I collapse in a snivelling mess.

"Jacob. Stop. Please!"

The fucking pussy whipped sorry ass idiot I am. I stop. My back still to her.

I can hear the bed sheets crinkle and her feet hit the floor as she cautiously walks over to me. A cool, light hand slides up my back and I can't help but relish the feeling. My eyes flutter shut without notice just to feel her hands on me. And I melt a little from her familiar contact.

She leans her head into the back of my shoulder; I can feel soft kisses up my arm through my t-shirt. "I didn't give him an answer Jacob," she whispers. "Stop jumping to conclusions." Bella steps around to my front, her arms winding around my middle as she pulls me in, leaning her cheek on my chest.

As if of their own accord, my arms lift and pull her even closer to me, her little breasts pressing into me, the heat of her crouch rubbing into my leg where it stands between hers. I breathe properly for the first time all day. Breathing in Bella's strawberry sent. Everything rebalances itself. We're not done. It's not over yet. The competition's been postponed.

I lift my hand up to her cheek, my fingertips skimming over the contours of her jaw and cheek. The face I'm so familiar with. "You're so beautiful Bells."

"So are you Jake." Her hands tracing over my back and around to the top of my chest as she looks up at me. That top lip pouting out like it always does. I want to suck on the bottom lip to even it out. "I've missed your kiss," she says, a hint of a smile breezing on her face.

"I've missed _you,_" is my reply.

"Will you kiss me?" she asks, innocent and confused and wanting me to give her some steady clarity in her jumbled emotions. I don't need to be asked again. I've been waiting to kiss her for two days now. So I do. A small peck with closed lips initially. But that is nowhere near enough—for either of us. I kiss her again. This time, with much a more savouring venture. It's still not hard, but undoubtedly, I'm giving it much more heat. But it's not one of our normal kisses. I'm too scared to let my guard down that much.

"Augh!" she grunts frustrated with my diffident touch. Grasping me with both hands she pulls my face down at the same time she stretches up. "Will you kiss me like you mean it?"

I look at her seriously for a beat, my eyes flicking between hers. God I want to explode! Combust for the heat I feel for this woman. I want to rip that sweater off and over her head and then get her pants following suit. Kiss her like I mean it? Yeah I want to mean it. But I can still hear her voice from earlier echoing in my mind. _She can still see herself with him. And me. _ Is this how she decides? Kissing?

So it's going to be a battle of the tongues is it? That's a game I know well. And enjoy even more. So I push the little voice of reason in my head down, gaging it tightly and without any more thought I squeeze her tight, picking her up around the waist and carry her the two short steps backwards to the bed. I'll give her something she'll want to hold on to. All my pent up frustration and angst re-directed to the hot woman wrapping herself around me. We both fall back and my lips are on hers before we have a second to orientate ourselves. I'm kissing her. And I mean it. Heat and pressure, wet and tongue, teeth and moaning. Hands are all over each other. Her fingers are creeping the edges of my shirt up my back and I break the kiss to pull it off. My lips find hers again and my hand finds a tit. My hand is cupping her boob and rolling in my palm like play-dough as she presses herself into me. It's only been two days but it feels like months and my hard on is almost instantaneous as we both grind together through our pants.

"Do you think I meant _that_ enough for ya bells?" I puff breathlessly, kissing my way down her neck as my hands lift her shirt up. All is right in my world. I am right where I want to be. And she is right where I want her to be. Between my legs and wrapped around me. I push down any thought of where she _really_ might want to be. Because I'm resolute that it is this here… with me… _Here _is where she wants to be right now. That's what her body is telling me. And I'm running with that.

"Not quite enough," she breathes heavily. Her hands slinking to the fly of my pants as the button pops open and I'm released from the confines of my jockeys. I can't help but let out a guttural moan as her cool fingers wrap around my length. Two days is far too long. Her bra has a front opening, it's the lacy pink one, the one I can open one handed. What do you know? I still can. My mouth makes a quick trail down her throat and I latch on to one of those hot pink buds. My tongue makes circles around it as it hardens and contracts. I switch sides, not wanting to leave the other one feeling left out, drawing it in and sucking deeply. Her hands start up pumping around my cock, keeping time with each of my draws as her hand moves up and down.

Balancing on one elbow my other hand makes its way to the edge of her sweats, threading under the waist band of her panty in search of her heat. She's wet and hot, and all kinds of sexy with the rumbling groans she's making from my touch. It hasn't taken me long to reach a point where I'm feeling that familiar tingle. I'm gunna blow my load if she keeps up this rhythm and by the noises she's making and the way she's arching off the bed, I'd say she's not far off too.

"I'm gunna order now Bells. You kids want supreme?" comes the deep voice of Chief Swan from the bottom of the stairs.

We both still our hands, our heads cocked to listen for foot falls on the steps. _Don't come up don't come up don't come up._ Thank Christ he doesn't.

"Uh, ok dad. Yep, sure, Supreme is great," she yells out, letting go of my dick and scrambling to pull her top back on. Shoving me a bit to the side, she jumps off the bed and peeks at the mirror on her dresser, quickly smooths her hair down. She sticks her head out the door and she continues calling out to her father, this time a little quieter, "you need us to go pick it up?"

"No, I'll get it delivered. You two just go on," he says, a nervous twitch in his voice. "Just keep the door a bit more open, K."

"Sure," she says as she makes a deal of opening the door further, the stopper latch making a squeaking noise as it connects with the clasp. The noise snaps me out of my daze. I realise I'm still lying on her bed, on my side. My shirt is still off and my raging erection is thrusting out between the tangs of my fly. I was seriously two seconds from blowing my load and now that the door is jammed wide open, any chance of a happy ending is slammed shut. With a muffled groan into her pillow, I press my dick hard into the mattress. This doesn't help things in the slightest.

Charlie is still at the bottom of the stairs, "Bells do we have any garlic bread in the freezer?"

"Ah. Yeah dad. Hang on. I'll get it for you."

Of course she will. Charlie couldn't possibly cook frozen garlic bread in the kitchen he's fed himself and her in for the past twenty years. He might burn the whole house down. Don't worry about me and my blue balls over here.

Bella scampers back into her room, sliding on her sneakers as she leans over me. I'm still lying prone on her bed, my dick hopelessly pressed into the quilt. "Sorry Jake," she whispers. Then she kisses me chastely on the cheek as she scuttles out the room and down the steps.

She's picked garlic bread over me.

Well fuck me and fuck my life.

I can't believe we were gunna do that. We got nothing sorted out. She distracted me with sex. I feel cheap and used and, frustratingly, still fucking hornier than hades.

This boner isn't going anywhere. With a sorry groan, I push off the bed, fishing for my shirt somewhere behind the side table where I threw it. I slip it on and slink my little J back into my pants. Oh shit, it's _so_ uncomfortable. With the chief of police and his big ass gun downstairs, I can NOT go down there with this giant tent that's at hand. Good idea.

Stiffly, I walk to the bathroom, making sure the latch is shut on this particular door. The sound of the major league blaring out of the lounge room TV is abruptly cut off with the clicking of the lock. The bathroom is quiet but for the summer storm that is rattling the window as it blows against the glass and the shower that's dripping, it's a sow drip, only one every minute or so, and it echoes off the lime green tiles. Leaning over the vanity, my arms braced either side of the basin, I stare at myself in the mirror. What the hell just happened? Was that us making up? Or _almost_ making up? Was that her choosing me? Or was that her just choosing me tonight? Me and my guns. And all the delight that little J gives. Did she distract me on purpose? To avoid a difficult conversation? To avoid me walking out on it all? I realize with a gut wrenching epiphany that I've let her distract me with sex for most of this relationship. I feel played. But The sick part is I still want her. God! What's wrong with me?

I give my face a rub with both hands and move to stand over the toilet to take a piss. With my dick at full attention still, it's basically impossible to pee without leaning right over. I brace against the back of the wall and I find little relief. My main problem is still at hand. And about fifteen minutes later, a good few dollops of cherry sented lotion from the mirror cabinet and a firm grip, I find myself far more comfortable and seated around the Swans kitchen table eating a slice of Papa Luigi's supreme. Yes I washed my hands. God what do you take me for? An animal?

After dinner, the storm is thundering it sounds like I'm feeling; pensive and angry, undecided and raining tears. Bells and I sit out on her daddy's porch and watch the light show as it rolls through town.

"You took your time coming down stairs before," she smirks, giving me the sexy eye through her lashes.

"Yeah well, not everyone can just smooth their hair back and race on down to make garlic bread. " I say a cheekily but still with an edge of bitterness leaked in. I'm not sure if I want to buy in to her sexiness tonight. "Besides, that lotion you got in your cabinet smells real nice." I wink, giving her my best hot-ass smile.

"What lotion?"

"I don't know. But it smelt nice." And at the thought of that sent, Ness's beautiful face flashed through my mind. Where the hell did that come from? It was Bella's bathroom I was beating of in. not Ness's. Ness smells like cherries, I just realized.

Bella giggles and shoves me, winding her arm around mine and leans on my shoulder. It's easy when she's like this. I can forget for a minute about the Ed.

We sit for a while, our backs against the shingled finish of the house, our asses on the wooden decking of the porch and our arms around one another, just staining out at the storm as it rages on out over the coast.

But then the minute runs out and I remember again.

"What does all this mean Bells?" I say. All throughout dinner it's been playing on my mind. I don't feel like I've gotten any more answers tonight than I had when I arrived three hours ago and I want answers. I want to know where I stand. Where _we_ stand. Together or apart.

I'm far less desperate to keep her than I was just twenty-four hours ago.

"You mean almost having sex with you before dinner while our dads were down stairs watching baseball?"

"Yes, I mean the sex and the kissing, and just us in general. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand waiting all week for you to decide this Bella. I don't think I _should_ have to. I get that you're torn. I get that you think you still love him."

"I don't _think, _I know_,_" she says softly. I ignore her correction.

"But this is me_. Me_ Bells. Me, Jake. What we got… you'll never find another _us_ Bells. We got too much history to just throw it away." But I won't chase after it if she pitches in Ed's direction.

"I'm not throwing it way Jacob. Why do you think I'm taking this time? I want to make the right choice the first time."

Without saying it outright, her words have cemented my fears for me. Tonight was just part of this competition. Just a way for her to get some comfort. Maybe get her rocks off.

"Did you kiss Edward yesterday?" I'm a sick masochistic fucker, but I want to know.

She doesn't answer me.

"Well did you? Did you suck his dick? Or at least try? I bet the good Doctor didn't interrupt you's for a pizza order," I scoff, pulling away from her and shifting up on to my knees.

She still doesn't answer, she's looking at me, a deep furrow between her brows, her head tilted to the side as her features warp into one of apology and contrition.

"Answer me. Did. You. Fuck. Him?" I know I'm escalating the conversation, but I've worked myself up a bit and now I'm in this limbo between resentment and sorrow. And this is how it presents.

"Jake," she cautions. I get she doesn't want to answer me. It's private. But I'm her boyfriend, right? I think I have it within my rights to know who my girlfriend is kissing… or fucking.

"Did you? Did you fuck him?" I'm getting up into her face now, my imagination fuelling my anger and the feelings of betrayal. I know I have no supporting evidence for my accusation, but my gut is telling me otherwise. And I for this, I listen to my instincts. "Or did you just suck his cock."

"Jacob!" she cries, the look of betrayal reflected back in her eyes. Immediately I feel guilty for pushing her so hard, I hate seeing her cry. But then I realize that look isn't betrayal, it's the ignominy of her infidelity and open duplicity. I maintain her gaze, my jaw working as I hold her to my question. "What do you want me to say?" she asks coming up to kneel, matching my half stance.

"The truth would be a good start," I say levelly.

"OK!" she bites back. "Yes, I kissed him. He kissed me. Yesterday _and_ Friday night. We made out! We took our shirts off. But NO Jacob! We didn't fuck! I didn't SUCK HIS COCK!" she spits, aggrieved at me. We both realize together, that she probably shouldn't have yelled that out quite so loud and we're silent as we wait to see if either of our dads are going to come out to see what all the screaming is about. Hopefully Charlie did _not_ hear the details over the rain and the TV.

When it seems safe that were not going to be interrupted, she continues. Her eyes now brimmed with tears, her voice a whispered shout through clenched teeth. "What else do you want to know? Hugh?" she asks her body jerking aggressively to me. "Yes, I love Edward Cullen. He wants to make a life with me. Marry him—He gave me his grandma's ring for Christ's sake. When I'm near him Jake, my whole world is consumed. I can't think of anything else but him. Without him, I'm hollow." She cries, the physical pain apparent as she bends over clutching at her chest and holding herself together like she did all those months ago when he left. "But you… you make me feel on _fire_ Jacob. You give me everything of yourself and I feel sexy and beautiful and desirable with you. And that's a hard thing to give up."

Oh god. It's hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality of what we have. We're friends. Yeah. We're lovers. Yeah. But sole mates? No. We never were and we never will be. Somewhere between that friend-zone and the boyfriend precinct, she's gotten stuck on the sex. Fixated on the way I make her feel— physically. The heart doesn't get a mention. Someone forget to CC _me_ into that memo though.

"You can't string me along because I'm a good fuck Bella!" I exclaim, my hands gesturing off into the dark sky.

"Jake I'm not!" she pleads, her hand coming up flush against my pec. I dodge out of her grasp. I don't want her touch meddling up my head. "Jake don't. You're my best friend. I can't lose you. I can't." She's full-on crying now. Her tears almost matching the rain as it pours in sheets against the tiled roof of her home. Again my resolve is broken at her tears. It comes down to our friendship. Am I willing to give that away? No I'm not. I want her in my life, whatever way I can get it. I feel the fissures in my heart zig-zag along, opening up and waiting to swallow me whole. But I pull that shit together, and I look after my Bells first. Be the friend that I have always been. I'm dammed good at it too. Maybe that was my problem? I was too good a friend.

"Oh come here Bells." I croon, pulling her in against my chest. Into a signature Jake hug—the BFF special. I let her cry it out for a few minutes. I think I know why she's _really_ crying. She's not actually that torn between me and him. She knows deep down who she really wants. And it's not me. I think I've known this all along too. Even before he turned up at the party and turned my world upside down. I just didn't want to believe it. Still stings like a bitch though.

After she's been quiet for a bit, her breaths not much more that a quiet sob, I peel her off me a little. Looking in to her eyes, I do my best to be the best friend I've always been. For over a decade I've been her friend and I'm not going to let this last year of lust destroy our friendship.

My eyes are melting in to hers, she knows I'm giving her this concession, I'm making it easier, giving her my permission to break my heart. With this, I ask her the most heartbreaking question I'll ever ask in my life. "Be honest with me honey. Honest with yourself. If you could still keep _me_ as a friend and have _him_ as your mate, we… us… as a couple, we'd be over?" I ask, pulling her back to an arm's length to look earnestly into her teary eyes. She gives a heaving hitch of breath, her eyes scrunching as she nods her accord, covering her mouth in her hand as a fresh wave of tears hit. The door to any chance I thought I might have had is slammed shut. I'm deposited back into that friend zone. Maybe I never left it. Maybe I only got upgraded to friends with benefits for a little while.

All those times before, those times that I thought that guillotine blade was falling. It was all just a dry run. All that rehearsal of our imminent break up has still not prepared me for the fall. _This_ was the grand finale. Now my blood has been spilt. My fractured heart is bleeding all over me.

**As always, thanks Aretee for the Beta. I added a bit to this chapter do any errors you see are mine after being Beta'd.**

**Thanks for all the kind comments and reviews. If I haven't written back, sorry, but internet connection had been intermittent and I was well and truly overwhelmed by the size of my in box when I got off the plane. Thank you all. **

**I hope you keep on enjoying.**


	10. Chapter 10 Taking back what's mine

_**Last time on P &amp; C's….**_

_It's hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality of what Bella and I have. We're friends. Yeah. We're lovers. Yeah. But sole mates? No. We never were and we never will be. Somewhere between that friend-zone and the boyfriend precinct, she's gotten stuck on the sex. Fixated on the way I make her feel— physically. The heart doesn't get a mention. Someone forget to CC me into that memo though_

_I____ask her the most heartbreaking question I'll ever ask in my life. "Be honest with me honey. Honest with yourself. If you could still keep me as a friend and have _him_ as your mate, we… us… as a couple, we'd be over?" I ask, pulling her back to an arm's length to look earnestly into her teary eyes. She gives a heaving hitch of breath, her eyes scrunching as she nods her accord, covering her mouth in her hand as a fresh wave of tears hit. The door to any chance I thought I might have had is slammed shut. I'm deposited back into that friend zone. Maybe I never left it. Maybe I only got upgraded to friends with benefits for a little while. _

_All those times before, those times that I thought that guillotine blade was falling. It was all just a dry run. All that rehearsal of our imminent break up has still not prepared me for the fall. This was the grand finale. Now my blood has been spilt. My fractured heart is bleeding all over me._

**Chapter 10 – Taking back what's mine.**

After our 'discussion' on the porch… oh who am I kidding? Discussion? It's a break up. No other word for it. A messy, confusing, selfish, heart-to-heart that the western world calls… a break up.

After she breaks up with me, we stay out on the porch for a good hour. We're arm in arm, she's crying for hurting me and I'm trying my hardest not to show her the hurt and to not cry. I'm failing. She knows exactly how much she's hurt me. But she's doing it anyway.

I'm sad and humiliated, yeah I'm all that you'd expect and a bit more. But more notably, I'm confused and a more than a bit irritated at myself at the same time too. I'm irritated because I was too blind to see this coming. Or at least to see how she was never _in_ all the way. She never jumped feet first. She never committed to me with her heart. And the frustrating thing is; I knew it. But the horny optimistic fool I was, I chose to ignore it. I _chose_ to believe that it didn't matter. I'd idiotically convinced myself that I'd take her any way she came. Even if it was just a hollowed shell of the girl she could be. But, only having a part of Bella…that was never going to be enough for me. I'd set myself up to fail. For _us _to fail. She was never going to reciprocate my feelings. Not to the extent I wanted. I'd had her body. Oh God had I had her. But never her heart. I knew it, but I told myself that it didn't matter. But it did. I feel like it's all now been reduced to some sort of torrid affair.

An experiment gone wrong.

I might have jumped on board with the research but in no way was it ever _my_ hypothesis. I didn't _make _her kiss me that night at Mike's Halloween party. And I certainly didn't make her take her top off when we were making out on my couch that night. That was all her. I just followed. Enthusiastically. And she knows it. That's why she's crying so much right now. A guilty conscious. She thinks she's cheated on her feelings for the Ed and she thinks she's cheated on me by having these feelings. She's right. She did. But more importantly, she's cheated herself. She could have potentially have messed up the two most important relationships in her life tonight. I'm not going to let her though. I have it in my power to save one of her relationships. Ours. Jake 'n Bells. The friends who would steal cookies, climb trees and share secrets. We're in there still somewhere. I haven't had much control in our relationship in the last few years. But I do now. I can control this... If I want to still be her friend. And I do.

So I do.

It's kind of weird how easily we revert back to plain friendship. Or at least how she does. I still love the feeling of her warm body pressed against me. Another much smaller body flicks into my minds eye. I realize that I'm not necessarily enjoying being pressed up against_ Bella's_ body so much as my imagination is aided by the familiar prop. Renesmee's smile flickers through my mind. Too soon.

But seeing as I'm slammed back into the friend zone with Bella, I pull back from our embrace. After having been so intimate with her, it's going to take a bit of remembering to keep things PG. Because my imagination sure isn't. But I think my imaginary fantasy girl is smaller.

I'm getting a bit sick of just sting out on the porch. Just listening to Bella's guilty tears and holding her. This isn't my job any more.

But, being the good friend I am, I ask her what she needs.

And in between sobs she tells me she needs Edward.

Way to kick a guy when he's down Bells.

Fuck.

So I give our dads some lame excuse and I drive her over to the Cullen's place. I can't believe it was two days ago that we drove this same road, to the pool party. What a difference two days can make. She's not my Bells any more.

We're talking a bit more freely as we drive. The familiarity of just being in the car relaxes and bolsters. She opens up to me and confesses outright that it always was _him_— I was just the hot distraction. Well, she doesn't actually say I was only a distraction, OR that I'm hot, but who are we kidding? I know she thinks I'm hot. She's told me a zillion times. And if I wasn't a distraction, then what was I? A test subject in the experiment? A strong arm to hold her tight? I prefer to think I was a hot distraction.

In hindsight, she probably shouldn't have chosen her best friend—who was already in love with her— and let the _distracting_ go on for nine fucking months. Mike Newton would have been a better choice as a rebound fuck. Or better still, she should have just invested in a good vibrator.

But that's not how the cards played out. I loved her even when she barely acknowledged my existence those first few years of adolescence. I perused her last year, even when I knew she was heartbroken still. And then, _she_ kissed me, let me hold her, and even fucked me, knowing full well—but ignoring the fact—that it would only _ever_ be physical. Sex, not love making. She could never reciprocate the love I felt for her. We both asked for more than the other could give. This is the way the cards have fallen.

And as I drive up the Cullen's driveway, I find my heart settling with an absolving peace at this realisation. It is what it is; and as coach would say, I need to build a bridge and get over it. It isn't perfect, but this is the hand I've been dealt and… fuck me, Seth's here. And their sitting out on the swing.

Looks like everybody has somebody but me.

"Thanks Jake." Bella says as I pull on the park break. "I know this... this is hard still. But I meant what I said earlier. We have too much history to throw our friendship away." She covers my hand where it's gripping the steering wheel with hers and give it a little reassuring squeeze. "What happened to your hand?" she asks, noticing the brace for the first time.

I refuse to focus on what this might say about a person. That she could have had a firm hold of my dick earlier but not notice a great big fucking brace on my hand. I gnaw on the inside of my cheek to stop the angry smart ass comment I want to bite at her. "Oh it's nothing. Apparently I'm _not_ some super strong giant who can go up against a piece of marble and win," I minimize jokingly. I think she sees the irritation in my eyes anyway.

"Is it sore?"

"Nah," I down play, swatting the air with my left. "It's nothing that a good dose of painkillers and a little time can't fix. I heal fast any way."

Seemingly mollified by my answer— or as normal for Bella, ignoring the real issue— we're quiet in the car. I'd turned the radio off when we'd pulled up, so the air is still and quiet, no noise to cut though the tension I feel building from her. I can hear our breaths as we continue to sit silently in the car. I can hear Ness and Seth talking and laughing outside, their sound muffled by the closed doors and windows. Ness has a pretty laugh. Bella seems lost in thought. She's staring vacantly out the front windshield. Suddenly, she turns to me, she's gnawing on her bottom lip and for the first time in years, I don't find it sexy. I see it as the outward manifestation of all of her inner turmoil. "I miss my friend," she whispers, the hurt six year old I once knew resurfacing.

"I was always here Bells. You just got distracted by my hot bod!" I smile trying to bring some levity into the heavy evening. It's a reflex. I don't know if I have it in me to be angry at anyone for very long. Especially Bella. It works. She laughs a little, leaning over to kiss me chastely on the cheek. Her arms wrapping around my neck as she holds on to me for dear life. "I love you," she says into my shoulder, her voice muffled by the muscle she's buried herself into. Too little, too late. "Thank you Jake."

I hold back the 'Love you too Bells.' I don't want to give her that power over me anymore. So I just kiss her softly on the temple and release her. Let her go. I'm taking back my balls she's been keeping in her purse.

But her arms stays latched on to me. Her arms holding around my neck like I'm her life preserver in a raging Pacific storm. If I didn't know better I say she was scared to go into the house. To go see her Eddie. Then it dawns on me, I remember what she said earlier; that she never gave his marriage proposal an answer. _How could I forget?_

She _is_ scared. Bells had always said she would never get married. I thought everyone knew this about her? How does he not?

He's not her best friend. You are.

"You want me to wait?" I offer, letting her know that her _friend_ is willing to be there for her. Even if it hurts me to do it.

"No. You go back. You've got practice tomorrow."

"You sure?'"

"Yeah Jake. Thankyou. For everything." she credits quietly, the sincerity apparent in the deep chestnut of her eyes. "Good luck back at school too. Big Senior hey? You're gunna kill that AP maths."

"Yeah, but it won't be the same in Biol without you."

"I'm sure you'll manage," she laughs knowingly. There'd been a bit of a scuffle last year about who I was gunna have as a lab partner in Biology. A few of the girls apparently having words over who should get to share petri dishes with me. But the only _biology_ I wanted to share with was Bella's. Looks like I was on the market again. In more ways than one. I wish Ness was a few years older.

Bella moves, shuffling off the seat and opening the heavy door, jumping out. She leans back into the cabin, one hand keeping the door open the other leaning on the seat. "I'll see you before I leave?"

"You don't want me to still go with you and Charlie?" We were supposed to drive the eight hours to Pullman, the three of us, next weekend. I hadn't really thought about it until just now.

"Oh. You can if you want. I just thought… now… with Edward and me… I'll understand if you don't."

What's the protocol for something like this? "Yeah sure. I'll think about it. I'll let you know either way."

"Ok. Just don't let me leave without a proper goodbye."

"Never."

"Night Jake."

"Bye Bells."

She shuts the door, giving me a small wave. I see her chest rise and lower as she sucks in a deep breath, steeling herself. I see the spark of complete happiness wash over her face as she starts towards the front steps. She's tried to hide it from me, but I know her. She's my best friend. And He makes her happy. She loves him. She's _in_ love with him. As much as it utterly breaks my heart. I finally figure out that the only way I could ever let her go is knowing it's for something so much greater than what we had. That is my token constellation prize. Her happiness.

She says a few words to Seth and Renesmee as she passes by them and then she lets herself into the house. She doesn't knock. There is no need. This is where she belongs.

I watch as the light from inside brightens her face as the door opens. She steps through and closes it behind her. And like that, she's gone. The latching of the door taking the last shred of hope I'd been clutching on to. The sensation hits me like a ton of bricks.

We're done.

We're really done.

It's over.

The emptiness of overwhelming. My hollowed out chest is cavernous and drafty and causes such a physical ache in the place my heart should be. I feel like it's had so many painful pieces torn out of it that it's disappeared. Discarded and lost to the pain. I stare blankly out the windshield as I let my tears silently fall down my cheeks.

"Hey Jake?" I'm brought out of my inner sorrows by Seth, he's leaning down to my window, Ness half a foot behind him. I hadn't even noticed them walk down to the car. "You ok man?"

I can't answer verbally. I just nod, avoiding eye contact.

He opens my door to talk more easily while I just sit, still seat-belted in, my hands on the steering wheel as I continue to stare blankly ahead. At the closed door.

"Is your dad still at Charlies?" he asks.

Again I nod.

"Why don't you just go on home? I'll go pick your dad up."

I look up at him. The pity and sorrow for me deep in the eyes of a kid I consider like a brother. I suppose we're related somehow, second or third cousins. But I've grown up with this guy. He's my friend. He's like family. If Charlie is like my second dad, then his mom, Sue, is like a surrogate mother. All three of our families are single parent families and since Seth's dad, Harry, died suddenly last year, we've all taken to looking after each other a bit more. I bite my lip, nodding. I do just want to go home. I don't think I could handle going back to Bella's house right now. And I _know_ I don't want to sit through the last innings of the Mariner's game my dad and Charlie are watching.

"That would be good Seth. Thanks."

"So you guys are over?" he asks. It's not prying, it simply a genuine enquiry. I guess so he can know the best way to help me. To try and map out the mine field that is my relationship with Bella Swan.

Again I nod.

"Oh Jake." Ness sighs, shifting up to the door and leaning in to unbuckle me. "Come here," she whispers quietly, directing me to stand and pulling me in to the tiniest hug I've ever received. Yet at the same time, it it's the greatest. She's pressing her face into my chest and rubbing soothing circles over my back. And the dam wall bursts, I cry hacking sobs into her hair. Pulling the warming comfort closer. Like a teddy bear. Only she's better; she soothes and croons; she smells like cherries and a warm spice up close; and she simply holds me until I'm done.

And when I am. I pull away abruptly, embarrassed by my outburst in front of a girl I only met a few days ago—it's so comforting it seems like years— but feeling so much light for it. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me," I apologise still self-conscious.

"Don't be. Tears a so important. It drives me crazy how guys think that crying somehow makes them weaker. It doesn't. It makes you human. We are people who feel and think and care and we can only cope with so much emotion before our souls get heavy with the burden of keeping it in, Jake. It gets to a point where it's built up in us so much that it has to bubble over somewhere. What better way than from the window to you soul?"

She's brushing my hair back as she says this. The same way my mother did. I don't understand how this little whip of a kid can _get_ me so well. Do and say exactly the right thing. Every time. But I'll take the comfort none the less.

Stepping back form me, the spell of comfort and intimacy is broken. She's letting me reclaim my dignity and machismo. I sniff, making a quick swipe of my eyes, trying to use a slide of hand to somehow fool them that I haven't been crying. "Windows to my soul hey? My eyes are almost black, what does that day about my soul?" I ask jestingly. It's my default setting; Smother gravity with humour.

She doesn't laugh. She steps a half step closer to me. Into my personal space but not uncomfortably so. Her neck is craning up at me and I look back down at her, the little smile I had playing on my face fading by the earnestness of hers.

"Your eyes are not _black_ Jacob, they are a rich deep chocolate brown. Like that rich decadent ganache that gets enveloped over mud-cake. It's sweet, and layered, and full of depth. That's what it says about your soul."

That knocks the wind right out of me. It's unnerving the clarity with which she sees me. Then a kind smile soupçons on her lips and her eyes sparkle with a small dose of humour. "But your eyes are also a lovely pernicious tinge of blood-shot red at the moment. Telling _me_ that your soul has bled enough for tonight. And it's time you went on home." She leads me back into the car, holding out the seat belt for me.

She's babying me. Mothering me. It's exactly what I need.

"Hey Jake?" Seth pipes in as I click my buckle up. "Did Quil tell you about the tickets he got for the latest transformers movie?" I nod. Yes. I know all about the tickets. Quil won them on a radio competition. We was listening nonstop all week, calling up when the nominated song was played. He was a like a man possessed. There are four tickets. They're for Tuesday night. "You still want to go?"

"Sure. I guess." I shrug, not really committing but not saying _no_ out right. "As long as I can call shot-gun." I'm not driving all the way into Port Angeles in the back of Quil's shitty car, I'll end up yakking. But I don't want to let me and Bella's break up stop me hanging out with the boys either. We'll just see how I feel Tuesday after practice.

"I'll give you better than shot gun. How about you drive?" he persuades. "Ness has a job interview in PA that night and she wants us to give her a lift. Your car fits three in the back seat better than Quil's," For some reason I'm much more interested in this movie night now.

"I guess." I agree, trying not to seem too enthusiastic. "You assholes are paying gas money though. Not you Ness." I rectify, "Just the mongrels."

"Good." Seth smiles turning to look at Ness who has moved to stand behind the door. "See I told you he'd be up for it," he says to her, "he'll choose driving over shot gun any day."

"Thanks Jacob," she smiles. Her eyes watching me with an expression I can't figure. Her cheeks are tinting a soft pink and she's licking her lips. It looks like a nervous quirk. It's so fucking hot.

"No worries Renesmee." I smile, starting up the car and avoid looking at Seth who, I'm assuming, is sending me voodoo needle in the eye ball looks for stepping in on his territory. I'm not gunna meet his eye to find out. "We'll work out the time later. I'll give Emb a call OK? See you Tuesday." I say to both of them as I throw the car in to reverse.

"Bye," they both call out, waving and standing closer together than "just friends" stand.

Everybody's got somebody but me.

At least I have what's mine back.

My dignity.

**OK so I know this chapter ends kind of abruptly. But I had to break up a mega chap. Which, if you're all nice to me. I'll post on the weekend.**

**Bella is out and Ness is in. Sort of. Seth is in the road. At least Jakes eye is starting to look further field than the using B#$%h.**

**Thanks for all the reviews last chapter. I'll endeavour to reply sooner this time. (That's assuming I get reviews…which I hope I do.)**

**X Marina**


	11. Chapter 11 - A rock and some pop-rocks

_**Last time on P &amp; C's … **_

"_Hey Jake?" Seth pipes in as I click my buckle up. "Did Quil tell you about the tickets he got for the latest transformers movie?"_

_I nod. Yes. I know all about the tickets. Quil won them on a radio competition. We was listening nonstop all week, calling up when the nominated song was played. He was a like a man possessed. There are four tickets. They're for Tuesday night. "You still want to go?"_

"_Sure. I guess." I shrug, not really committing but not saying no out right. "As long as I can call shot-gun." I'm not driving all the way into Port Angeles in the back of Quil's shitty car._

"_I'll give you better than shot gun. How about you drive?" he persuades. "Ness has a job interview in PA that night and she wants us to give her a lift. Your car fits three in the back seat better than Quil's," For some reason I'm much more interested in this movie night now. _

"_I guess." I agree, trying not to seem too enthusiastic. "You assholes are paying gas money though. Not you Ness," I rectify, "Just the mongrels."_

"_Good." Seth smiles turning to look at Ness who has moved to stand behind the door. "See I told you he'd be up for it," he says to her, "he'll choose driving over shot gun any day."_

"_Thanks Jacob," she smiles. Her eyes watching me with an expression I can't figure. Her cheeks are tinting a soft pink and she's licking her lips. It looks like a nervous quirk. It's so fucking hot._

"_No worries Renesmee." I smile, starting up the car and avoid looking at Seth who, I'm assuming, is sending me voodoo needle in the eye ball looks for stepping in on his territory. I'm not gunna meet his eye to find out. "We'll work out the time later. I'll give Emb a call OK? See you Tuesday." I say to both of them as I throw the car in to reverse. _

"_Bye," they both call out, waving and standing closer together than "just friends" stand._

_Everybody's got somebody but me._

_At least I have what's mine back._

_My dignity._

**Chapter 11 – A rock, some Top 40 pop and a packet of pop-rocks.**

It's Tuesday afternoon, we're going to the movies tonight. We're all meeting at Seth's place at five so we can grab something to eat in Port Angeles before the movie starts. It should be a cheap night for me. I have a buy one get one free cheeseburger ticket from the monopoly competition last month at McDonalds, a free ticket to transformers and I plan on extorting a good ten bucks from both Seth and Embry. Quil gets a free ride because he's providing me with the movie ticket and Ness is free because she's beautiful. What? She is.

But I can't go there. She's taken. Not sure what's going on with the Latino lover on the phone, but I'm pretty sure her and Seth are a thing. It took me four days to realise she's beautiful, or just _how_ beautiful—I call it the 'Swan effect'. Why wouldn't she? Seth is alright looking. Pretty buff for a sophomore. Not a built as me… but Ok. He's pretty sweet too. He'd make a good boyfriend. I think I've taught him well.

So it's five to five and I pull up outside the Clearwater's place. Quil is already here, his bike is leaning against the side of the house— that piece of shit Celica is broken again, something's very wrong with the transmission. I told him about it when we went to look at it, but no, Quil likes the shiny toys. I can hear Embry coming up the road. Now, _that_ truck sounds awesome. _He _listened to me when we were at the lot. And of course, I helped him tune it— so naturally it sounds good.

Ness isn't here yet, I guess we're going to swing by the Cullen place to get her on our way through.

The three amigos rock off to decide who gets shot gun. Quil wins.

Half an hour later we're pulling up outside her house.

And once again, fuck my life, Bella's' truck is here.

"Fuck!" I say as we pull up.

"I'll just go and get her," Seth says as he jumps out before I've even come to a complete stop. I want to believe he's in a hurry so we can get out of here before I have to see Bella. But the twisted bitter fool I am chooses to imagine he just wants a few more seconds of alone time to stick his tongue down Nessie's throat. I think Quil is thinking the same thing, only that's because he's a pervert, and he jumps out too.

"You ok man?" Embry asks while we wait.

"Yeah. It's just hard to see her with him. To know she really made the choice. That's all," I say shrugging. He pats me on the shoulder. I'm glad he doesn't have some kind of 'plenty more fish in the sea' comment. He knows better than to say that kind of shit to me.

"Well it's her loss man. Her loss."

I nod, not really in the mood for a whole lot of conversation. Not that talking with Embry ever is that effusive. So we just sit in companionable silence while we wait for the others.

"Hey Jake," comes a familiar voice from the porch. I turn to see Bells coming down the front steps. Yet again, fuck my life. The Ed is hot on her heels. I send Bella a smile, raising my head in a hello. I'm sure it's that constipated look again. I really should do something about that, eat some emotional prunes or something. And I let out a not so quiet sigh and I open my door and get out to greet my ex-girlfriend with her ex yet now current boyfriend… no —fuck my life for the third time— with her _fiancée_. She's wearing a great big rock on her finger.

I can't stop staring at that damn ring. The way the diamonds glitter, even in the shitty Pacific north-west drizzle, it's like it's taunting me. I couldn't have missed it if I'd tried. I feel my heart lurch into my throat. My breathing starts to get fast and creeping up to erratic. I have to grind my teeth together, giving it all I have, not to shed traitorous tears.

When she's close enough, Bella reaches her arm up and touches the side of my arm. "How are you?" she asks as I reflexively pull away, my shoulder rising up and I step back a little. I see a little twitch of hurt flash across her brow. Oh no you don't Bella, you don't get to be the hurt one here.

"He's great," calls out an increasingly more familiar and always gentle voice, my miniature guardian angel coming to stand by my side. She encapsulates her arm around my waist, pulling herself closer to me. "Hey Sweetie," says Ness as she cranes her neck up to look at me and nestles in to my side "We'd better get going if you want to make the seven o'clock showing."

My arm goes straight around her shoulder holding her to me as if it's done it a thousand times before, and not zero. I'm so grateful that I barged into that room on Friday night. For whatever reason, this amazing girl has taken it upon herself to look after me. She knows just what I need, every time. And what I need right now is to not be a looser, pining over my ex as she stands in front of me with the man she agreed to marry less than forty-eight hours after breaking up with me. I needed a girlfriend of my own. And Ness is giving that to me. At least for a few minutes. And it's worked. I can't help but hold my chin up when I see Bella's face.

Why, yes Bells! I have gotten over you— I haven't. And what's that you say? Yes, she is beautiful, isn't she?—Yes she is. Since when? Oh you know, since we had this intimate moment when she held me as I cried over you— actually, it was two seconds ago. These are all the things I want to say to her.

Instead, we all stand there in awkward silence, the four of us, me and Ness, Bella and the Ed, I'm partially aware that Quil and Seth are hovering in the periphery too. But I'm so acutely aware of the way Bella is staring at us, like she can't believe it. And even more aware of this supreme feeling of contentment with my arms around Renesmee, I lose myself in it all for a moment. I forget my woes for a minute.

Seth shifts a bit closer to me, and I realize I've got my arms around his girl. I know he knows what we're doing. It's just make believe—though I'm beginning to comprehend that it's not a pretence to me. He's going along with this thing, for my dignity's sake. But I don't need to push my luck – I want to though.

My woes come seeping back in.

"Yeah, let's go. Don't want you to be late to your interview. Whatever job it's for." I say, stepping away. Our hands drop but she keeps a hold of the tip of my fingertips that are above the brace. The warmth of her fingers sizzle across my palm and up my arm and straight into my chest. She's standing a foot or two back from me, our hands swinging and I look at her for the first time since she came to my aid. She's not wearing what I'd normally say is typical 'job interview' attire. Her hair is back in in a typical Ness bun, maybe a bit neater than normal. But that's where the _typical_ stops. She has on a pair of dark blue sweats and a loose fitting t-shirt, it's got a really wide neck line, and one of her shoulders is exposed I can see the crop top underneath and how it hugs her porcelain skin. But the weirdest thing is she has these woollen boots on, like moccasins, only longer. Definitely not interview attire.

Turning around, we walk back to the car—totally ignoring Bella— she's pulling me along, again by my fingertips. Without a sidewards glance at anyone else, I give Ness a scrunched-up face look, acting as if everything is completely normal and I'm not on the edge of a depressive melt down. "What the hell are you wearing?" I ask, a teasing, flirty tone in my voice. "You don't have to wear a suit and tie, but Ness, they're not really 'please hire me' shoes! Do you actually want this job? Whatever it is," I add, still gripped that I don't know what the job is, the laughter is bubbling out of me none the less. I think it's pretty convincing. It's not even forced. I think I'm convincing myself all of a sudden too. It isn't hard. It's easy to act like I _like_ Ness. Like she's my girlfriend. She makes happy. In ten seconds my despondency is morphed into hope. She does this to me.

"I won't wear this for the actual interview," she smiles back at me over her shoulder, her eyes doing this flirty little eyelash bat. I know this all a show for Bella but I can't help the way my chest is spluttering a little at her radiant grin. "I have a change of clothes," she says letting go of my hand and motioning to the sporty duffle bag Seth is carrying. Then she walks over to the car, ass bouncing, hips swinging, her pants have the word _Marymount_ printed on the ass in block white Roman style letters. Yeah— I'd be pretty _merry_ to _mount_ that ass.

Those are taboo thoughts. She's Seth's. But after that little display. I don't want to play pretend. I want the real deal.

Seth is popping the trunk to put the bag away and Quil is making a B-line to the front seat. Not happening Ateara. "Hey, scrote face," I yell at Quil. "Back seat," I order, looking at him over the top of the car. "Ness, you get shot gun."

Quil gives me a little whine. I give him a death stare. My car - my rules. That is the law of the 'car pool'. He gets in the back seat, squished in between Embry and Seth. Sucker.

Ness is about to get in too, but before she does, she locks eyes with me over the car roof. I can rest my elbows on it comfortably, I think Renesme might be on her tippy toes or even the sill of the door. It's so cute. "Thank you," she mouths silently. I give her a patented Jacob Black smile and a wink in reply. I shouldn't do this. She's Seth's.

Then it occurs to me. Huh? Why _is_ she thanking me? Doesn't she _want_ to sit next to Seth? Emb's taken, he's not gunna rub against her or anything. Surly she'd be happy enough sitting next to her boyfriend? Then with a sinking feeling of my own naivety, I realise it's still part of the act. Bella's still watching us. And I'm a bit empty again and that confidence I'd recouped in the last few minutes is shovelled out with my heart. My eyes dart over to her where she's now wrapped up in the Ed's arms. I ignore their tame PDA. Don't need to react to it. The asshole is just claiming his territory. You know what, ass face…? The _ring_ is enough of a giveaway.

As I'm ducking back in to the car Bella calls out, "Hey Jake," and like Pavlov's salivating dog to the bell, I stand back up. Oh yes Bella? How can I help you? Not getting your _needs_ met by the Ed? It can't be the love and commitment thing, cause that looks like that's all tied up over there, without me. These are the things I think, I wonder if she can read it on my face. Good. I hope she can.

"Did you decide if you're coming to Pullman?"

Oh shit. I haven't. The first thing that comes into my mind is that traveling in a car with her for eight hours and then back with Charlie is about as equally appealing as to ramming bamboo shoots into my finger nails. I know I said I was going to be her friend. But no… I don't think I can. Not to the level she wants.

"No, Bells. I don't think I can. Football." I say. Or _I don't_ _want to,_ is what I really should say. But I hold my tongue.

"Do you have practice on Friday?" I nod, a maelstrom of hurt and hate washing inside of me. "I'll come by school as we head out at lunch time. If you're not going to take me, then Edward said he will."

I nod again, "Yeah sure. Bye," I say, getting into my seat and throwing the car into reverse and getting the hell out if there. I can't look at her. She didn't have to tell me Edward was taking her instead of me. Not right now, in front of everyone. I honestly don't think she's doing it to rub it in. She's just got no idea how it feels to be dumped.

Hang on? She does. The Ed dumped her twelve months ago. She does know. And she still says stuff like that? Now, I'm pissed at her. Kind of. I think I might be bi-polar or something. I can't decide how I'm feeling.

Once again though, my emo heart wins out. I guess, I'm still pretty beat up about all this. It's happened so fast, even if the writing was always on the wall, I still don't want to say goodbye. A part of me is still waiting for her to jump up, arms our stretched yelling 'Surprise! I'm only kidding! I love _you_, silly. Ed's a dickhead. I'm not going off to college either. Let's run away together. Have sex all day, every day. And I'll love you for the rest of my life.'

I'm bull shitting myself.

The vibe in the car is heavy. This is the problem with small towns. Everyone is so entwined in each other lives. There's no avoiding people. And nothing is ever a secret. Your humiliating dirty laundry is on display for all the world to see. And they all saw.

We make our way through the back streets of town, and onto the main street that leads towards the Olympic Highway. The car is silent apart from the healthy rev of the engine and the tick, tick, tick of the indicator as I turn. I don't think any of my friends know what the hell to say. I sure as shit don't want to talk about it ether.

Actually I do. To Embry, and maybe Ness. But not some big group pow-wow. And not right now.

"Did you see her ring?" Quil pipes in once were out of town and the speed limit picks up. Really Quil? This is what you choose to break the uneasy silence with? I can almost hear the silent moans and eye rolls from the other, less idiotic, occupants of the car. I can't do this now. But I'm trapped in the car and I need a way out of this minefield. And I can't think straight for long enough to think of a diversion.

"Let's play some music!" Ness says in response. Ever my saviour as I nod, still not game to say anything. I'm too afraid my voice will crack with a sob. Turns out I _do_ know how I'm feeling. Miserable. She said yes to him. She always said she'd never get married. And then _he_ comes back, and she said yes.

"Oh, ho, ho. What the fuck is this Jacob?" Ness laughs, looking at the original tape deck of my 1986 Volkswagen. Again, she saves me from the minified, only this time I'm the one setting them. I allow myself to be diverted.

"Shut it kid." I quip letting my lips rise into a smile. It feels good. Better than crying anyway. "It's the original. I'm saving up for a stereo, apparently they didn't have CD's back in the eighties."

"Do you have any cassettes?"

"No," I mumble. I've tried. Dad has an old hi-fi system in the garage loft that you can tape on. Do you know how hard it is to find blank cassette tapes? Really hard.

"Then what do you listen to?" she asks dumbfounded.

"The radio," I answer. A little defensiveness in my tone as I press a few buttons and switch channels before she can give me any more shit—like the fact that I listen to the country station.

Thank the lord that there is a top 40 pop count down on Tuesday evenings. An alright song comes on and before I know it, she over there in the passenger seat, half turned around to Seth and they're singing at the top of their lungs. It only takes a verse and Quil is joining in. Even Embry is nodding his head as the others dance in their seats.

I don't know how she's done it. But she turned the atmosphere in the car on its head. She carries a light with her. Where ever she goes. She lifts people by her enthusiasm for life. It's exceptionally endearing. I can't imagine how magnificent it would be to have that beam of pure light directed at you. You'd be walking on air. I guess that's why Seth looks so happy.

This is how we travel the hour and a half to Port Angels. All of us singing and Ness popping some awesome hip-hop moves while seated. Even I sing a bit as we drive. A few times she catches my eye and she smiles at me knowingly. She's given me what I need again. A way out. A way to get through the night. A way to stop myself from driving right home a burring my head in my pillow. She tells me all this with her eyes, they sparkle and shine as bright as her smile. She is really so very beautiful.

And I mean, beautiful as in pretty; but I'm realizing, more and more, just how beautiful she is inside too. It's so much more than how hot she is. I mean, she is. She's hot and she's got amazing cans, not that she flaunts them though. She's tiny, but she doesn't walk around like she's five foot one, she walks tall; with confidence and grace. It's like she doesn't care what any one thinks of her. Not because she's arrogant, but because she's enjoying life too much to care. She's beautiful.

And when school starts back, every one with a penis enrolled in Forks High is going to see it within one day of classes. It's taken me five. It only took Seth ten seconds. And now she's his.

We eat dinner at MacDonald's. I get my second cheeseburger free. I'm still hungry and I buy a third. She gives her pickle to Seth. We all walk to the cinema. She says her interview is just around the corner, insisting she doesn't need escorting. Not one of us are happy about this. But our movie is at ten past and she says she doesn't need to be at her thing until half past.

We are little early and we're all hanging outside, Seth is still carrying her bag for her—like a good boyfriend does, when she produces a few boxes of candy. M&amp;M's and Gummy bears.

"It's so expensive at these concession stands," she shrugs. "I picked these up at the supermarket for you guys today," she says handing the bags to Emb. "I trust you to share these Embry," she says to a chorus of thankyous and hushed celebrations. We don't want to be too obvious. I think we were going to share a popcorn between the four of us. She's looking after us. I see a pattern forming. I don't seem to mind.

Before we go in, Ness slips a little square packet into my hand, "these'll blow your mind," she whispers, smiling over her shoulder as she walks away. At first I'm a little shocked, thinking she's slipped me some ecstasy or something. Then I take a look at what's in my hand. Pop-rocks. A little mini packet of pop-rocks. I didn't even know you could get these any more. I stifle a giggle as I shove the pack in by pocket and catch up with the guys. That girl is full of quirks.

The movie was great. Anything that combines cars and robots and killing, is ok by me. The M&amp;M's were great too. So were the gummy bears, but I only got a few of them, we ended up throwing most of the squishy candies at each other and then at other people in the cinema.

I haven't eaten the Pop-rocks. For two reasons, firstly, I would have had to share them with all the scrote faces. And I'm not sharing anything she gives me with those turds. And secondly, I want to share them with _her_. So I keep them in my pocket for another time. When I _can_ share them with her.

Ness is waiting for us when we get out. She's leaning on the inner door of the foyer, one foot up behind her, the bag beside her on the floor. I take back anything I've ever said badly about sweats. On her, they are amazing. Her hips curve with them and it only highlights the dip of her waist, her thighs are outlined by the material, accentuating the tone beneath and making me want nothing more than nestle my head between them. The pants are low rise but they've fallen slightly, a bit lower than they probably should and I can see the soft skin of stomach peaking above. It's not hard muscle, there is still a soft roundness about her, but the little line of definition I catch a glimpse of has my memory thinking back to just how good her tight flat tummy looked in that bikini before we jumped off that cliff.

She's taken down her bun and her hair is now out, it's spilling over her shoulder like a glossy brown red waterfall of ringlets, stopping a few inches below her the waist band of said, amazing sweats. I know it's wrong, but I can't help but wonder if the color of those curls match the colour of the other hair below her waist line. And as we all walk over to her, judging by the look on all our faces, I think we're all thinking about the same thing. Even Embry. I wonder if Seth knows already.

"How was the interview?" Seth asks as we get to her, taking her in for a hug, his hand finding that little strip of bare skin where her t-shirt ends and those low, low, _low _sweats begin.

"Good," she smiles pulling out of the hug but still keeping one arm around him. "Hard. She put me through the ringer. I'm tired... But good. I think I did ok. I should know by the weekend and start when school goes back."

I still don't know what kind of job she was going for. It's bugging the hell out of me. I tried my best at dinner to get out of her why she was even going for a job in PA. She wouldn't tell me anything other than it was actually for a job in Forks and she was only in Port Angeles because the main office was here. And that if she gets the job she'll tell me… tell us. She says she's embarrassed. I don't see Renesmee as ever being the embarrassed type. It was frustrating her not confiding in me. I thought I was kind of her holder of secrets. Her substitute Latino lover, not that I'm her lover.

I bet Seth knows. I don't want to tread on the guys territory. But man Ness is beautiful.

I don't think I'm ever gunna get to share. Even if I did. I don't wanna. I've tried it recently; I don't like it.

**Hey all. Thanks you to all the wonderful readers who reviewed last chapter. Sorry I haven't replied. I kind of forgot that when I promised anther chapter on Saturday, that I would be busy being a bridesmaid at a weeding in Italy. How I forgot that, I don't know.**

**But here is the penance, a new chapter. I'll be back on Australia by the weekend so PM's and chapters will be back to normal routine.**

**I hope you enjoyed watching Jake get a little more back bone in regards to the 'bitch who shall not be named' and watching his emerging feeling for Ness start to bloom. What are we gunna do about Seth thought?**


	12. Chapter 12- Goodbyes

**Thanks so much for the great reviews guys. I tried to reply to you all; if I haven't, sorry. But I'm back home now and normal routines will re-commence again. There is no Ness in this chapter, but it's like the end of the Bella era and the second (and better) part of this story can start.**

**As always thanks Aretee for the Beta. Thanks too to Duskwolf for you great comments.**

**So, without further ado; Jake gets a back bone… (in his own way)**

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**Chapter 12 - Goodbyes**

The rest of the week goes by pretty fast. I'm spending most of my mornings at practice. Dad has me painting the side of the house and Mrs. Yazzie across the road said she'll pay me a hundred bucks to service her Nissan bluebird. A hundred bucks to do something I do for free all the time anyway? Even with a busted hand, I'm all over that like a hobo on a ham sandwich. I'm gunna service her car tomorrow. I figure that after today I'll need something easy and mind numbing and that I know I'm good at. Something that isn't like keeping Bella Swan as a girlfriend- which obviously I suck at.

Friday morning practice drags. We've been doing pat and go drills for what seems like hours, my arms are dead from all the throwing and my accuracy has been off all morning. It's hard with the brace. Coach is making me do more and more until I hit the god damn target. But my head just isn't on the field. It's some were over by the fence, waiting for her truck to roll up to say good bye.

"Fuck Black!" yells the running back, Paul, as he misses the ball I've thrown, again. It's not his fault, I threw the ball a mile off from where I should have, again. Like I said, my head's not in the game. And my hand is sore.

"Sorry!" I yell back, "I'm gunna get a drink." Giving up for now, I jog over to my bag, ripping my sweaty helmet off as I go. Paul continues to yell a few more expletives at me, mostly outlining the size of my vagina and that my accuracy is so bad I probably get myself in the eye when I spank the monkey. Fuck you Paul and all your pretty boy dancing.

All the yelling has the attention of most of the offensive team now too. Embry is standing up like one of those meerkats, on alert watching out for his buddy, while the rest of the line is crouched. He's holding his ball into his gut, just watching me. He knows what my problem is.

Ignoring my friend's concerned look, I wet my face a bit and re-tie my hair. I give myself a mental shake and force myself to lift my game before I get myself benched for the season. I improve marginally for the rest of the morning. Quick release drills are more my thing anyway.

Coach calls lunch and we're done for the day. It's just before twelve and I'm in the middle of changing my shirt when the tell-tale roar of Bella's truck comes up the road. A pansy ass silver Volvo following behind. Really? He couldn't give us two minutes alone to say goodbye? It's not as if I'm gunna fuck her under the bleachers. Although I have. Just not lately. But _he_ doesn't know that… I hope.

Well, if he's going to be a controlling jealous asshole, I'll give him something to be jealous about. I throw my t-shirt back into my bag and take my time walking over to them in nothing but my practice pants. Show her just what she's given up. I know I look good, I'm still sweaty—chicks eat that shiny, tanned skin shit up— my abs are in fine form, and my arms and shoulders are so sore they _have_ to be popping.

She's leaning against the fence, just at the gate, her elbow over the cool grey steal post "Hey Bella," I say as I reach her, totally ignoring the Ed who's leaning against the grill of his car.

"Hey Jake."

We stand facing each other silently for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. It's never been awkward between us. At least never before. It is now. I guess you really can't just go back to friendship after sex. At least not if only one of you thought it was love.

"So, we're gunna take two cars. Stay overnight in Seattle then get into Campus just after lunch tomorrow. Then Edward will take a few days to get back to New York."

I nod like I care. I don't care. Yay for their road trip. Hot hotel sex in Seattle. Hot dorm room sex at WSU. I don't know why she keeps telling me stuff like I'm gunna care? The only thing I care about is when she's gunna come home again. Only so I can make sure I can avoid Charlie's place that week. That's not true, I'll probably accidently-on purpose make up an excuse to pick up something when I know she'll be there.

"Well, be safe driving." I say dismissively. May as well be discussing the weather. My eyes haven't left her, and hers haven't left mine. There is still so much we have to say, yet nothing left to say… all at once. I'm playing the tuff guy routine, because I'm not gunna be a pansy ass cry baby in front of _him. _She knows this, I'd say it's written all over the crumbling façade of my stoic face. She looks over her shoulder, to the douche who is hovering.

"Can you give us a minute Edward? Please." I can hear the pleading in her voice.

He pushes off the grill of his car, "Ok," he says, giving her a small smile. "Don't take too long. We want to be on the four thirty ferry." He leans in, hands on her hips and kisses her. He rests his forehead on hers for a breath, her eyes close and they get lost in each other for a moment. She's so wraped up in him she forgets I'm even here. Every time I think my chest is empty she does something that scapes out just that little bit more.

"I might just go get us some snacks for the road," he says to both of us, hopping in his car.

She turns to watch him leave, she watches as he backs out of his space, she watches as his car drives through the lot and she watches until his car goes around the corner and out of sight. She's stalling.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I ask in the nicest tone I've used with her since we broke up. There isn't anywhere much to walk so I nod for her to follow me to my bag. I feel like an idiot without my shirt on now. She follows me and once I'm dressed, we walk side by side around the track.

We get through a good hundred yards, still silent, before I can't take it anymore and I speak up. "So you said _yes_?" My voice breaking as I ask. I was a lucky son of bitch when it broke for the first time. I was thirteen, it happened really suddenly, in like the three months of the summer break and it's hardly given me a squeak since. But nooooo, not today. That bitch of a larynx decides right now would be a good time to crack, sending my voice into the rafters. Thanks body, thanks. I cough, clearing my pussy throat and continue, "You're gunna _marry_ him?"

She's quiet for a few steps, her hands thrust in to the pockets of her jacket. It's summer, it's hot today, but Bella has a sweater on, because Bella is always cold.

"Yes. I said yes. But not yet. Not until after I graduate from college. We're too young and we still have a bit of stuff to figure out from last year. But yes Jake, I said I'd marry him."

"I don't get it Bella. You always said you never wanted to get married? And this isn't jealous ex-boyfriend asking Bella, this is Jake, bff, trying to figure you out."

"_Wants_ change, Jacob. I changed my mind."

"In two days?" I ask incredulously.

She shrugs again, "we've always talked about getting married one day, back in junior year. I never really doubted that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. The formal marriage part is important to Edward and I guess that it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for him."

I smother the irritated snort I want to let out. Sacrifice? Where was just a little bit of that sacrifice on her behalf when we were together? Or even a few seconds before she broke my heart.

"You didn't have to get engaged two days after breaking up with me though." I stop mid stride, turning to her. "You should have told me yourself Bella. Not just wore the ring and hope I'd see it and then that would be that! It wasn't a very nice thing to do. It was actually pretty gutless," I accuse.

I feel so much better for just getting that out. Yeah, I'm hurt by the break up. Yeah, is sucks that she ran straight back into Douche-ward's arms. But the betrayal that my best friend didn't tell me something this big herself, that's what stings the most. I feel better for telling her as much.

"I know," she whispers ashamedly to the ground. "I'd only just agreed and we were showing his mom when you showed up. I should have at least taken it off."

"You think?" I snark.

"Jake I don't want us to be like this."

"Like what Bella?"

"This, "she says heatedly, gesturing between us, "angry… hurt… enemies."

"You're not my enemy," I sigh, shaking my head, my shoulders sinking.

"I'm not your _friend_ though, am I?"

"Friends don't discard the other's feelings when a better offer comes along."

"So were not friends anymore?" she asks, she's biting her lip, trying not to cry. Part of me wants to console her, it's instinctive. But I can't. I've put up this wall and I have to maintain it. For my own sanity. I have to look after _me_.

"We're still friends Bella. Just not… not…" I shrug, not really knowing how to explain it. I don't know how to put to words what we've lost. "We're not 'Jake and Bells' any more. You're Bella, you're going off to college, and you're his fiancé. I'm me, Jacob. I'm staying here. You're not mine anymore. Something got broken last week Bella." That something was_ Me._

"Do you think we can ever be _us_ again," she asks, her eyes hopeful as she looks up at me.

"Just give me a little time Bells. I need a little more time."

"Ok," she whispers, watching her feet as we start to walk again.

We small talk for a bit. Nothing of substance and it's nothing like the normal, casual banter we have. Edward is back as we round the oval. He stays in his car as we get to the gate next to her truck.

"Well, you drive safe, you hear me?" I say, trying to make it light.

She nods.

"And call me or text me when you get settled. I still want to know you're safe."

She nods again, fighting the tears in her eyes. I can't look. I actually don't want to cry about this. I'm done crying.

"Can we at least have a good-bye hug?" she asks, ducking down with hesitant arms.

I sigh, "Sure Bells. Com'ere."

She presses in to my chest. Her familiar arms wrapping around me as she tries to squeeze the breath out of me. Cautiously I lower my arms, they cross around her and I lower my head on to hers, breathing in her smell for the last time in a long while. Maybe even ever. She's crying now. Really crying. Wetting my shirt, snot on my sleeve crying. "Sssssh, Bells. Come on now. This is what you want, remember?"

"Doesn't make it easy," she sobs. Her words muffled through my shirt.

"But you gotta do it, hey?" I offer, the resignation in my voice, sobering her. She lifts her head up, pulling back.

"Yeah Jakey. I do." She hasn't called me Jakey in at least ten years. Not since my mom was alive. "I'm so sorry it's had to happen this way," she cries.

"So am I Bella. So am I," I can't keep the sadness out of my tone. I struggling with my own tears too. I wipe the single tear I've let fall away from my eye and man up. Squaring my shoulders making sure my voice is deep and confident before I speak, I say, "you'd better go. You don't want to miss that ferry."

She nods. Biting the hell out of her lip and scrunching her tear drenched eyes up tight.

"Ok. Bye Jake," she says moving over to her car. She opens the door, and gets in, starting the engine before slamming her door shut. She reverses out of the car space and coming to a stop when she's in line with me side on. She winds her window down and holds her hand up in a short, flat wave. She mouths, "I love you," quietly to me before putting her car in gear and driving away.

I watch as her car drives out the school grounds, onto the road and around the corner. I stare at the back of that piece of shit truck I lovingly fixed up…for her. All the time, effort and love I put into it. Into her. Into _us_. I watch as she drives on out of my life.

"I love you too."


	13. Chapter 13 - On Pointe

_**Last time on P &amp; C's….**_

"_Sssssh, Bells. Come on now. This is what you want, remember?"_

"_Doesn't make it easy," she sobs. Her words muffled through my shirt._

"_But you gotta do it, hey?" I offer, the resignation in my voice, sobering her. She lifts her head up, pulling back._

"_Yeah Jakey. I do." She hasn't called me Jakey in at least ten years. Not since my mom was alive. "I'm so sorry it's had to happen this way," she cries._

"_So am I Bella. So am I," I can't keep the sadness out of my tone. I struggling with my own tears too. I wipe the single tear I've let fall away from my eye and man up. Squaring my shoulders making sure my voice is deep and confident before I speak, I say, "you'd better go. You don't want to miss that ferry."_

_She nods. Bitting the hell out of her lip and scrunching her tear drenched eyes up tight._

"_Ok. Bye Jake," she says moving over to her car. She opens the door, and gets in, starting the engine before slamming her door shut. She reverses out of the car space and coming to a stop when she's in line with me side on. She winds her window down and holds her hand up in a short, flat wave. She mouths, "I love you," quietly to me before putting her car in gear and driving away._

_I watch as her car drives out the school grounds, onto the road and around the corner. I stare at the back of that piece of shit truck I lovingly fixed up…for her. All the time, effort and love I put into it. Into her. Into us. I watch as she drives on out of my life._

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**Chapter 13 - On pointe**

It's Saturday night, Bella should be in Pullman by now. She hasn't rung me yet though. I spent half the day doing the grease and oil change for Mrs. Yazzie, it took me twice as long as it normally would because of the hand brace, but I don't mind because now I'm a hundred bucks richer. What I do mind, is that I got no one to spend it with.

Dads' home, but I'm not wasting Saturday night with the old man. I love my dad, but I'm seventeen, not seventy. Embry is on a date with Raven; it sucks she lives on the Makah res, because now he's never around on weekends. Quil is a no-go either; it's his grandpa's birthday or something and he's at a family thing. As a last resort, I call Seth's place and his mom, Sue, answers the phone. She says he's just hanging out, his sister Leah and her boyfriend Sam are still in town for summer break and that I should to come on over.

The Clearwater's only live a block away from my place so I decide to just walk. I'd know the way there even with my eyes closed. I couldn't count how many Saturday nights I've spend over at their house as a kid. We haven't been doing it as much this past year or so, but when Harry was still alive, we'd have those regular spaghetti nights with the Clearwater's, the Swans and the Black's. And if you include our fathers' limitless need to just watch sports, I'd say I've spent over a quarter of my life at that two story weatherboard home. The other quarter of my life I've spent in another two story, white, weather board house, only this other house is in the next town over. And I'm not going to think about Bella any more.

She still hasn't texted me.

As I walk up to the porch of Seth's place, I can hear oldies music playing. From where I stand by the front door I can see into the family room window. My gut does this little dance. And for the first time in the past twenty-four hours I don't feel like there is a gaping big hole in my chest. Ness is here. She and Seth are dancing around the coffee table while Leah and Sammy sit snuggled together on the love seat.

I let myself in—like I have a hundred times before— and I just stand for a while, just watching her… them.

Seth looks like a retard the way he's dancing all gay like. Especially next to Ness. She's dancing with abandonment. But it's not that floppy retardedness like Seth. She has form, she has skill. In her belly shirt and yoga pants that are siting low on her hips, she's beautiful to watch. They have some Motown music playing and their miming the lyrics to each other. _I've got sunshine… On a cloudy day...When it's cold outside…I've got the month of May..._ They're dancing up close to each other. Her back is pressed into his chest and he wraps his arms around her bare midsection as they gently sway back and forth to the music. _I… guess…. you'd say…What can make me feel this way? My girl. _

"Jake!" Sue calls as she walks into the room from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of chips. "You're here! These two are hilarious aren't they?"

"Hey Aunty Sue," I say back, letting her kiss my cheek like she always does. My surrogate mom. I follow her into the room shaking Sam's hand and giving Le-Le a quick cheek peck as I go past the love seat. Ness and Seth turn around as they dance and both greet me enthusiastically.

"We're celebrating!" Seth yells over the standard playing. He's smiling like a lunatic, swaying and clicking his fingers like a wana-be Motown baby.

"Celebrating what?" I ask sitting on the arm of the three-seater.

"Ness got that job!" Seth says doing a finger point to Renesmee with a wink and one of those double cheek click things. Who is he trying to impress? Smokey Robinson?

"Hey, well done Ness," I say to her. She's a step away from Seth, her attention turned to me, the song and the close dancing now forgotten. "So. Are our gunna finally tell us what it's for?"

"Jake," Seth says, his hands presenting the girl like a show host reveling the grand prize. He's right, she is a grand prize. "You are looking at the newest assistant teacher of the Forks Brach of the Sol Duc Ballet School!" he announces like a proud parent showing his kid off at the local PTA meeting.

"Ballet teacher?" I ask. I would never picked her as the Ballet type. Rich girl rebel? Oh yeah. Hippy save the world chick? Maybe. But ballet bun head? No. I saw that ballet-school movie; they are some dedicated chicks. And they certainly don't go to McDonald's and hoe into quarter pounders, like she did last week in PA. "Is that why you were wearing those hideous ugg boots?" I ask, my brow impishly raised. I decide I may as well have a little fun with her irrational and misplaced embarrassment.

"Shush!" she scolds, swiping at my arm. The fiery zing I feel as her hand slaps against the skin below my t-shirt sleeve has nothing to do with the force of her swing. "I knew I wouldn't have time to warm up properly, I wanted to keep my feet warm."

"You need warm feet to be a ballet teacher?" I ask, again goading her. I can't help but want to monopolize her attention.

"Assistant teacher. And I do when I dance. And I had to audition," she answered a little incredulously, but still with a touch of rosiness rising in her cheeks.

"Well you must be pretty good if they're paying you to teach the children of Forks. Can we see this employment achieving audition dance?"

"No!" she squawked, walking over to the coffee table and grabbing a hand fill of chips as a way of avoiding looking at me.

"Come on Ness," said Seth, "show them," he said, taking a few of her chips as she held them out to him.

"Noooo!" she whimpers, her cheeks now turning a slapped pink, her tone trepid.

"Oh Renesmee. Seth says you're so good!" Leah chimes in.

"Yes Renesmee sweetheart, we could all use a little more culture in our lives," Aunty Sue pleads. "Being out here on the Reservation, I've never seen ballet on anything but the TV. Please. " That woman is _so_ good at passive manipulation.

Ness looks back and forward at us all with our pleading faces. Seth is giving her little c'mon whispers. Eventually her eyes settle on me, she looks a little vulnerable and I decide that as much as I'd like to see her do a pirouette or whatever it's called, I don't want her to feel pressured. "You don't have to if you don't want to," I offer, giving her the out she needs.

"Do _you_ want to see me dance?" she asks me specifically, the doubt in her voice apparent and her posture positively self-conscious. It's a side to her I've never seen. And it doesn't compute with the girl who dove off that cliff last week. I think the dancing makes her insecure. I want to quash those insecurities.

"Yes I do Ness, but if dancing in front of us makes you anxious, don't worry about it."

She regards me for a minute. Her head is angled to the side as she seems to make an internal deliberation.

"You know what..? I will. If _you_ want me to," she says, looking right at me as she does. As if because **I** want to see her dance, she's now wiling. Not because Aunt Sue asked, or Seth. But because **I **asked. "You guys are all so nice and it's not like you're going to critique me," she shrugs as if trying to convince herself.

Oh, _that's_ her problem; criticism. I got nothing but praise for Renesmee Cullen from over here on team Jake. Noting but praise for the way she looks in that mid-drift. Fuck. Seth leans into her, a soft hand on her hip as he whispers something in her ear. I'm sure it's very heartening. My heart feels a painful squeeze as she nods at whatever he says to her. She's not mine to praise. I haven't felt like this since I watched Bella and the Ed at lunch time in the cafeteria freshman year. Yet somehow, I don't know why, this feels worse. Probably because once again I'm designated to being the weird stalker guy just in the peripheries but this time I can't hate the other guy, cause he's already my friend.

Ness pushes the coffee table up against the wall as she says over her shoulder, "I don't have any pointe shoes with me though, so I can't really show you that much advanced stuff."

"Show us that thing you showed me the other day," Seth offers. He's already seen her dance. Of course he has. Why wouldn't she show her far more age appropriate and not mooning over another girl, boyfriend just how _well_ she can move and how flexible she is? Fuck.

"Entrechat?" she asks him as she moves to stand in the middle of the Clearwater's family room.

"Is it the jump with the flicky leg thing?"

Ness just laughs a little, nodding. Then she leans forward, scooting up the material of just one of her pant legs, she has stunning claves by the way, and then she stands in that typical ballerina position, arms extended out gracefully and her feet contorting sideways so that opposite heels are touching opposite toes. It freaks me out to see someone twist their ankles and feet so much. That's got to hurt. I don't get long to contemplate the afflictions of a ballerinas feet before Ness starts doing just what Seth said. A jump with that little fickly leg thing that ballerinas do. Again and again she does it. She's pretty fucking good. Then does a few more up and down thingies, on her tippy toes with her legs standing wide. Really good.

"Relevè's look better en pointe" she says a little breathless for the sudden exertion, before setting her eyes on me and raising her leg out to the side. Her is leg is suspended midair. Like it's simply resting on a barre, only it's not, its pure strength that is keeping it held steady. The material of her harem pants is thin enough that as she holds her leg aloft, I see the sleek long line of her muscle straining from the position. She makes it look easy. But I can see the fine tremors of tension rippling through her body. She goes up on her tip toes again and then begins to spin, with each revolution her had whips around, her eyes remaining focused on me as her speed increases and her raised leg bends in and out. She keeps this up for what feels like a minute. For each twirl, I continue to be her spot, that thing she concentrates on as she turns. I'm dizzy watching her. It's pretty impressive.

I am captivated; mesmerized by _all_ of her.

Then she suddenly comes to a stop, her body somehow in the exact position she started all those turns ago. Her eyes are still on me and she smiles and gives me a cheeky wink.

Aunty Sue starts clapping like a cheerleader, "don't stop yet, can you do something with music?"

"I'm really not warmed up." Ness excuses, moving to sit down. I'm not ready to see this display cease. Not at all.

"Well, let's see how good a teacher you are. They say learning dancing is meant to be good for football players. So teach me something." I challenge, standing up and stepping towards her. Not to be outdone, Seth jumps up too, "Yeah! Teach us something Ness."

"Ok," she smiles, "how about it Mrs. Clearwater? You want me to show you something too?"

"Oh no sweetie, my bones are sore from just watching you."

"Leah? Saaaaaam?" she asks the engaged couple still firmly in one another's arms as they give her a resounding '_no'_.

I'm secretly a little thrilled they say no. Less students to share the teacher's attention.

"So what do you want to learn?" she asks us, but her question is directed at me.

Seth doesn't seem to notice, I guess he's pretty confident she can give him a private lesson later—if you know what I mean. I know exactly what I mean, and it sucks for me.

"Something that looks impressive," Seth says.

"Most of the impressive stuff is really hard. You'll just hurt yourself," she retorts.

"How about a balance exercise," I offer. I have an ulterior motive; one that involves her holding my hand to steady me if I need help balancing.

"Ok. I know," she says clasping her hands in front of her. "You guys can learn an arabesque."

"A what?" Seth asks.

"I know," I say hoping to get into the teachers good books, "it's that leg out thing the top cheerleader does when they're stunting." I pay attention at half time.

"Yeah, but in ballet you have to do it much slower and with more control," she modifies. "You two, stand in front of each other. Jake, I want you to be Seth's support, this is a movement that kids normally start learning on the barre. It's more advanced to do it free-standing."

So I stand, holding Seth's hand as she teaches him how to do an arabesque. So much for my ulterior motive.

He's shit at it too. Can barely stand on one leg let alone lift his back leg up for any length of time.

Then it's my turn. It's not as simple as it looks, not when you have the pintsized ballet Nazi making you do it with perfect technique. I can't help it if my hips want to rotate. _They like to rotate- what can I say? _But she's a stickler for form and she has me doing it over and over until, eventually she comes to stand by me, her hands gipping gently but firmly on my hips, guiding and preventing me from rotating. Her fingers are warm as they just brush against my skin where my shirt has risen. Her touch, as chaste as it is, has a tingle running all the way up my spine. And I can feel the beginnings of something else rising. Ulterior motive back on track. Then when I have my back leg right up, she gets Seth to let go of my hand and… well fuck me! I'm doing a ballet arabesque! By myself.

_Click._

My concentration is broken and before I can topple, I get that back leg back on solid ground in time to see Renesmee taking a photo of me on her phone. Shit. I'll never live this down if it gets out.

"What are you doing? Please don't go posting that. Please." I say stalking towards her. All _rising_ forgotten as I'm over taken with defensiveness.

"What? You're good Jake. You should be happy to show off your natural skills," she says giggling and stuffing her phone down her top. Does she think I won't go down there to chase after it? Cause I will. I'd gladly go rummaging through her cleavage _without_ the excuse of a socially suicidal photo. I'd be more than happy _with_ the excuse.

I can feel my cheeks starting to burn. I don't blush, much. But this. This photo could be very bad.

"Are you going to post it?" I ask sharply, doing my best to hide the sudden surge of anger I feel. I don't like the fact that earlier I tried to help her and not let her be bullied into dancing for us and now she goes and takes a potentially damaging photo of me. I thought she was different. I though she looked out for me. Not someone who would set me up.

"Jake, chill man. She's only kidding you," Seth says, coming to stand next to Ness, his arm protectively around her shoulder.

"Wow, gosh Jake, it's just a joke." She recants, she seems shocked at my assumption of torment form her. "I would _never_ post something someone specifically asked me not to. And _never, ever _as a way to bully. That's not me." She's pleading. "I'm not like that Jake. I'd never be like that." Somehow I've managed to upset her by assuming she's gunna use it against me.

"Here," she says putting her hand down her shirt and fishing out the accused phone, "delete it. Honestly, I just took it because you're good. You have strong form. Here, look," she says, holding it out for me to see. I take a look. It does look good. Pansy ass and gay. But I can see what she's saying. Even in my basketball shorts and T, I sort of look like I know what I'm doing. I guess I may have over reacted there a bit… Just a tad. It's only that with Edward showing up at that party and Bella running off upstairs with him, I've had enough public humiliation for the month.  
"You're really not going to post it?"

"God. For the tenth time; No." She closes her eyes, her hand coming up to grasp the pendant sitting at her throat as she sucks in a deep settling breath. Then, opening her eyes to me, the chocolate caramel depths capturing me as if were the only two people in the room. "I've got your back Jake," she says quietly. She walks over to me, one hand is laid lightly on my chest, I wonder if she can feel my heart thumping under it. She's standing so agonizingly close to me, looking me right in the eye as the other hand… well, it reaches into my pocket. "I'm not Bella," she whispers her head shaking slightly.

I don't absorb her words. I'm too stunned by her hands to move. This guardian angel girl has her hand in my pants. My eyes trapped by hers. But then I bring my consciousness to the surface, gather my wits and hunch over, squirming away from her searching hands. I react too late. She has a firm grip of my… phone… and tugs it out.

"Here," she says, slapping the thing into my palm, "you take a photo of me as collateral."

She gets into the same position she taught us for the arabesque and slowly raises her back leg up. _Click. _ Then she lifts up onto her front toes. _Click. _Then she raises that back leg up even higher, she's fucking almost doing the splits. I have a very healthy appreciation of just how hard that must be. _Click. Click. _And an even healthier appreciating of just how flexible she must be. _Click._

"All right you perv," Leah calls from her comfy position on the couch, "play some music again. I've had enough of watching the budding Nureyev and Fonteyn here," she says, puling Sam up off the couch and making a less than subtle exit as he tows him up the stairs.

Seth is giving me the stink eye. I think he's a bit put out form all the photos I've taken. She asked me to. What was I supposed to do? Besides, it's a crime to have such a tight waist bending in front of you and not appreciate it. Sam is laughing at me over his shoulder as he leaves, like he knows just what's going through my head. He probably does. I'm thinking; Fuck the bro code. I want to see just how high she can get her leg up.

"Play our song Sethy," Ness says, cutting me back to the room I'm in. Instantly my thoughts of legs up and shirts off evaporate. She's Seth's.

I keep forgetting.

At the startup of the music Sue wonders off to do her own thing too. Leaving me to be the third wheel. I really should have left when Leah and Sam said good night. But I didn't want to. I don't want to. So I don't. Selfish? Yes.

Don't care.

We dance around the room for the a while. Well Seth and Ness dance, I watch like the perverted stalker I am from the couch.

At some point Ness hefts me off the lounge, forcibly making me dance. There's no bumping and grinding going on, just that PG middle school standing in a sort of circle as we move. The three of us.

I have no idea how, me… Jake Black, Varsity QB, who just last weekend was fucking his girlfriend against the back of a bathroom door and then getting wasted on tequila, is now dancing to Arrested Development. In Seth Clearwater's living room. This girl has me whipped.

And she's not even mine.

Watching her move for the past hour or so I'm drawn more and more into this fantasy world of my own imagination. She's so beautiful. I don't care that she's probably just fifteen. I feel better when I'm around her. I can breath and my chest doesn't hurt, at least not in that shoveled out way. Just by watching her I feel like I'm living more fully. Her hair is down now, and it's bouncing all around her, she twists it into a loose plat over her shoulder as she smiles and laughs. It's sexy as fuck to watch her play with her hair. Her eyes are happy and open and they draw me in. The magnetism of _her_ pulls me in. She's a model of free spirit. She doesn't conform to convention. She's carefree and a little wild. And it's as sexy as hell.

Bella never danced. She didn't even want to go to her senior prom last year. So we didn't. We stayed home and fucked on the kitchen counter, taking advantage of Charlie working the evening shift. Ness, on the other hand dances, she obviously likes dancing, so she dances. It's as simple as that. No matter where it is. She's like a breath of fresh air. I feel like I can really breathe in her presence. She's so free. Yet still, so completely unavailable.

Ness is freaking good at normal dancing too, like, really good. She's body popping like Beyoncé. And before I know it she's twerking towards me and Seth is running over to the hall to turn the lights down and we've made our own little night club at number 7 River street. He comes back and starts dancing behind Ness, his hands on her waist as their hips fall into sync and they grind. I'm just about to back away—three's a crowd—she's not available—when Ness calls me over the music. "Come here," she says as her arms go up onto my shoulders and I get pulled into the pair.

I don't know how I get here, but one of my legs is bent between hers as we swing back and forwards and we're now in a hip hop ménage à trois. I all but forget about Seth up behind her, she's looking up at me, her fingers pulling lightly on my hair and my hands automatically move to her hips, moving her a little closer. Her smile is warm and inviting and her lips are a natural shade of light strawberry. I wonder if she tastes like strawberry or if it's cherry.

A small tornado of butterflies swirl through my chest and I move to lean in, her smile fading into a plump pout as she reaches up to me too. I feel rough fingers brush over mine and I realize with an abrupt unsettling shock that they're Seth's. His face is buried in the auburn braid falling over her shoulder, resting on her shoulder and his eyes are closed, so I think he's missed that I was just about to kiss his girl right in front of him.

My hands pull away from her hips as if they've been burned. And I straighten and step back, the movement releasing her hands from where they'd sat loosely around my neck. She's looking at me with a combination of shock, hurt and confusion as I step a few more paces back. "I might head on home." I say over the music, clearing my throat and moving to the front door. I can't do this.

Seth looks up from his resting point behind her. "Yeah ok man. I'd better drive Ness home anyway," he says, straightening and making to show me out. Ness is still standing in the middle of the room, the confusion and shock, now replaced with hurt and humiliated anger. I look at her once to see this mien of resentment directed at me. I don't understand it. She's Seth's, she can't have the both of us. I'm not into that sort of thing. Trust me, I tried. "Unless you want to stay?" Seth asks her, noticing her stationary position.

Like she's snapped out of whatever inner thought she was having, her eyes dart to my friend's, softening, "No Sethy, I just want to go home," she says softly.

"Well, I'll see you around Seth, is JV still practicing with us this week?" I ask, as if nothing just almost happened and this isn't the most uncomfortable situation I've ever been in. It's not. Getting caught half naked by Chief Swan as I hid underneath his daughters bed was. But this is a close second. And anyway, it's a perfectly legitimate question. Seth has no idea that I have any reason to even be uncomfortable. He's the sophomore QB and I suppose we'll be doing a bit of training together this season, especially with my dud hand. We already practice together, but not normally at school; we've been throwing pig skins back and forwards between us in the backyard since we were toddlers.

He really is like a brother to me. I feel guilty as hell about this Ness thing. I'm mentally flaying myself for even contemplating going after my almost like-a-brother's, definitely my friend's, girl. No matter how hot she is. Or how good she makes me feel to be around her. It's a no-go zone. I can't do this.

Just a few hours ago I was still all cut up about Bella not texting me. I'm a fickle fucker who needs to make up his mind. I deserve everything I get… or don't get.

"Only on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday," he replies.

"Oh. Ok. I'll see you at practice then." I say, not opening the conversation up any further.

"Bye Renesmee," I call over my shoulder, not game to meet her eye as I step onto the landing. "See you at school."

"Bye Jacob," she yells out from her still motionless spot in the front room. Then after a few beats, she moves a little closer, leaning her arm around the internal banister, like she's using it to hold herself up. "Remember, I'm not Bella."

Her tone has changed again, she's my guardian angel, trying to help me from what she thinks are confused feelings about _Bella._ She's misunderstood. I'm not confused about Bella. She's made her choice and I'm learning to accept that. I'm not confused, I know by the massive hard on in my pants right now that I think Renesmee Cullen is the most beautiful person I've ever met. Even in the way she's casually draped over the handrail but still holding it like her life depends on it. She's an enigma of strength and vulnerability. She's beautiful.

But she's dating Seth, or at least they've kissed. Or at least that what Seth told Quil, who told Embry, who told me. It's as good as dating. She's off limits.

There are certain things I won't compromise on. And integrity and trust are some of them. I won't break my surrogate brother's trust.

I know she isn't Bella. But I won't be an Edward.

* * *

Thanks L for the Beta.

Thanks all you guys for reviewing. I think you know how much I love that email ding.

More chapters to come this week. Big things happening.


	14. Chapter 14 Games, Parties & Party-games

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**_

_I don't know how I get here, but one of my legs is bent between hers as we swing back and forwards and we're now in a hip hop ménage à trois. I all but forget about Seth up behind her, she's looking up at me, her fingers pulling lightly on my hair and my hands automatically move to her hips, moving her a little closer. Her smile is warm and inviting and her lips are a natural shade of light strawberry. I wonder if she tastes like strawberry or if it's cherry. _

_A small tornado of butterflies swirl through my chest and I move to lean in, her smile fading into a plump pout as she reaches up to me too. I feel rough fingers brush over mine and I realize with an abrupt unsettling shock that they're Seth's…_

…_My hands pull away from her hips as if they've been burned. And I straighten and step back, the movement releasing her hands from where they'd sat loosely around my neck. She's looking at me with a combination of shock, hurt and confusion as I step a few more paces back. "I might head on home." I say over the music, clearing my throat and moving to the front door. I can't do this…_

…"_Remember, I'm not Bella."…_ she says, _trying to help me from what she thinks are confused feelings about Bella. She's misunderstood…_._ I'm not confused, I know by the massive hard on in my pants right now that I think Renesmee Cullen is the most beautiful person I've ever met…._ _But she's dating Seth…_

…_I know she isn't Bella. But I won't be an Edward_

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Games and parties and party games.**

After the fun of dancing with Ness on Saturday night, the rest of the weekend is boring. Bella finally texted me Sunday morning. She got in Saturday afternoon. I guess she was too busy christening her dorm room with the Ed to find the time to send me on measly fucking text on Saturday. No bitterness _at all_.

The last week of my summer break is filled with football practice and more football practice. Two-A-Days are killers and none of us have much energy to do much after the afternoon sessions. As a last hurrah to the end of the break there's going to be a party on Friday night. I'm not sure if I want to go. I'm stuck in a funk; I can't train properly because of my hand, I'm trying to get over my ex and at the same time trying to not want to fuck my friend's girl six ways from Sunday.

Maybe I need to find an easy drunk fuck on Friday, get both girls out of my system. It's not something I've done before. I've only ever been with Bella. But the offers have always been there. I'd just never taken anyone up on it. I don't know. I don't think the man-whore bit is really my thing. I think I'm more a long term kind of guy. Me and Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters just need to keep on getting better acquainted. It doesn't help that I have five very good photos of the ballerina on my phone. They make a good prop.

Some of the better JV guys come and train with the Varsity team during the week. Seth included. Coach wants him to step up to my QB spot while my hand is still injured. I am _not_ ok with this. I swear, I'm going to have this brace off before the first game. He might get the girl but he ain't getting my position. I'm trying to be a good sport about it but I feel hard done by from everything these last few weeks and this thing with the starting line is eating at me.

If Seth notices my weirdness he doesn't say anything. Quill does though. He bugs me all through weight training. I think I'd rather not have a spotter and let the bar crush my larynx than have to hear Ateara ask me what the matter is one more time. I'm not telling him. He has a bigger mouth than Perez Hilton.

We finish up 'hell week' with a friendly home seven on seven scrimmage, using all the JV payers. Word has gotten out, the attraction of a game and an after party has drawn a crowd. I'm still not sure if I'm going, to the party that is, I'm on the starting line for the scrimmage. _Thank God. _ Embry informs me that Raven is driving up for the party, so he's going. Quil is nagging me to come. He says he wants a wing man. Sorry Quil, I don't think I'll be much of a charmer tonight.

The impromptu game is on a little later than normal afternoon practice would be. And the sun has set by the time the full time whistle is blown. Coach broke up the teams so it was even playing. My team won. Even with the brace, I threw quite a few good long passes to Lahote. At least I have that to celebrate.

After the game we're taking our gear and pads off as coach talks, the general after game debrief is quick. My friends and I are deciding between us whose car each of us is riding in to the party. Seth comes over to us and I end up agreeing to give him a ride. See?! I can act as if everything is normal. Seth is my brother from another mother and there is nothing awkward about anything. Absolutely nothing awkward. Nothing.

"Sorry about that tackle," Quil says to him. He sacked Seth good, took him out just as he was releasing the ball. We ended up in possession and I actually managed to get a decent hand off to Paul, ending up in a touch down. I think Seth ended up with a cracked rib.

"Don't worry about it Quil," he smirks, ego a blazing, "I'll just get Nessie to kiss it better. She's got a magic touch," he says to friendly jeers and shoulder punches. I want to punch him all right, right in the fucking mouth. Shut the hell up Clearwater. Don't you know it's not polite to kiss and tell?! It's definitely not awkward anymore, now it's just pissing me off.

I find out that Ness has been in the crowd the whole time when she and Raven come down to the benches. At least I didn't have a too crap of a game in front of her.

And Seth did.

"Hey guys," she says smiling at every one, "Hi Jake," she adds. Seth is up and by her side before I can even answer, or smile back. Not that I was going to. Cause she's off limits. She's his.

"Nessie, Jake said he'll give us a ride to Paul's party," Seth says as he lifts his arms up to take his undershirt off. Ness gives me a fleeting look that I can't decipher. I can't help my eyes from making a pass over her, she has on a tiny pair of shorts and a simple t-shirt that has a bedazzled pair of cherries on the front. She watches me gawping her and I don't feel like I've been caught, I feel invited.

But then her eyes move over to Seth and she seems to be suddenly overwhelmed by the musculature of her not so much a _boy- _boyfriend. He's taking his sweet time stripping his shirt off too. Yes Seth, you grew some muscles this summer. You're a few years behind the rest of us however bro. And when I mean _us_ I mean _me_. If she likes muscle, I'll show her muscle. I scramble to unbuckle my shoulder pads one handed and then peel my tight under shirt off. Leaving my ripped abs on display. Not to mention the guns.

"Oh Seth, what happened to your ribs?" she cries, honing in on what she was looking at before and pacing soft fingers on her boyfriends bruised chest. Not his muscles.

"See what I mean," Seth smirks to all the guys still standing around.

Well I feel like a dick head. And my chest is tight. I keep forgetting she's his. I hurry to get my towel and go shower. Wouldn't want to be late for the party.

And, I guess she's coming to the party too.

I think I might stay a little longer than originally planned.

The party isn't too wild. It's mostly the football team, the cheerleaders and the girlfriends and boyfriends of said squads. There are a few beers floating around, but Paul isn't well off like the Cullens. It's strictly BYO. I have a soda in my hand and I'm just hovering against the wall, watching all the other couples making out and grinding together. The dancing reminds me of Ness. I haven't seen her and Seth since we got here. They're probably holed up in a bedroom somewhere. The fizz of the coke makes me feel queasy all of a sudden. It might be the idea of Seth making out with her. But I'm going to just go with the soda as my problem. And I'm hungry. I'm always hungry.

I go sit out the back for a bit, Paul's dad is cooking a grill, and I go to stand near him. He's Quileute, but they live off Res, I think he was friends with my old man when they were younger. Compared to us, they have money. Paul's dad has a good job, I think he must have gone to college. He's done more than my old man has anyhow.

The Lahotes sometimes come to tribal stuff, but it seems to only be a small component of their lives. They've integrated. Paul has always had short hair, he always went to the white school and no one would be surprised if he said he wanted to go off to college.

I end up chatting to Mr. Lahote for most of the night, helping him turn a few of the hotdogs as I stay away from the festivities. As always the epitome of cool, not, I'm opting to talk to the adult supervision and empty my virgin drink at an after party that I should be the center of attention of, or at the very least not sitting outside, avoiding a chick I have a crush on. I'm worse that a wet blanket here tonight with all my sulking and generalized party pooping. I think I'm just gunna take off after I get some food. How long does it take to cook a fucking hot dog, anyway?

"You want another drink?" asks a voice I'm starting have dreams about. Guilty, _guilty_ pleasure dreams. I turn to see Ness handing me a new can of soda, still dressed in that little t-shirt with a pair of big red cherries across the front. The air has cooled a little and she must be a little cold from it; judging from the two little nipples high beaming out at me behind that T. Oh man. I'm trying not to gawp but shit. Those tits are magnificent.

"I brought Dr. Pepper." She tilts the can to the side as a form of apology at the fact that it's not… oh…I don't know… _tequila? _"I like cherries."

"I noticed," I say, my tongue thick in the back of my throat. It's my excuse to look at her chest again. So I do. And I have to shift a little in pants as a result. I take the can from her and there is a zap of electricity as our finger tips touch. Her eyes tell me she felt it too. She moves away from the grill and sits down on the little bench seat behind it. I figure I'm supposed to follow, so I do. I sit at the other end of the bench to her, even though what I want to do is lift her tiny frame and sit her on my lap.

I don't though. Because of one word… Seth. She's his. He's not getting my starting position, but I'll concede he's got the girl. She's not making it easy for me though. I don't know why she keeps on seeking me out. With her perky high beaming generous tits and her toned little legs in shorts. It's encouraging, but so very complicating and confusing and frustrating all at the same time. So, for my own benefit, I sit with my ass as close to the opposite far edge of the seat as possible.

"You had a good game considering your hand," she says nodding to the white plastic brace then looking out towards the smoke of the grill that's wafting upwards and sky bound.

"Thanks."

"Are you going to try for college football?" she asks, I'm sure it's just small talk she's making, I doubt she actually interested in all my aspirations.

"Nah, it takes up too much time, I want to focus on academics next year. I even considered quitting this year but, I don't know, I still enjoy it and it looks good on college applications." I shrug, most people assume that a res rat like me is just going to cash my first welfare payment and continue the cycle of dependence.

"Academics?" she asks, not surprised like most people, but instead, for some reason unbeknownst to me, interested. "Do you have a major in mind already?"

I nod, not elaborating any further. I guess I'm used to people just smiling and nodding at my dreams of getting myself up and out, but behind their smiles I see the doubt and their lack of belief in me.

"Well?" she smiles intrigued by my silence. "What? What do you want to be when you grow up Jacob Black?" she's turned her body towards me and in the process has shifted a little closer to my half of the bench. That carefree smile is so contagious. There is do derision or mocking in it and her eyes are sparking in the light from the back patio. She's watching me with expectancy, as if I'm going to reveal I want to cure cancer. I don't.

"I want to be an engineer."

"What kind?"

Her question surprises me. Only the guidance counselor at school asked me that question.

"Mechanical. I like fixing cars sure, but I don't want to be a grease monkey all my life, I _get_ the way machines go together, I get the way ratios work. I want to design and _make_ engines. Not just _fix _them. And not just cars either, I want to see where it might take me. I don't know what I might want to specialize in. I like the idea of bigger, larger scale stuff. Maybe even system design." I taper off, realizing I'm spilling my guts and it's probably just going in one ear and out the other. "Sorry," I say quietly, "I'm probably boring you to death."

"No!" she says kindly, her hand coming up to sit on my forearm. Her hand is warm and I can feel that little zing again. Her boobs are still pointing out the little buds on nipples behind the white cotton. My eyes flick down and then I force them back to her face. I don't think she caught me.

She's smiling like she's just won the lottery. "Do you know how refreshing it is to meet someone who actually has a clue what they want to do while still in high school? Where do you want to apply?"

"CALTEC or MIT would be amazing. I don't think I'll even bother applying for those kinds of school though. I doubt I'd get in anyway. It's so competitive."

"Don't sell yourself short Jake. You should apply," she urges, her little fingers giving the muscle of my forearm a squeeze. It sends a ripple up my arm and into my chest. My other hand comes up covering hers and I _breathe_. She smells like earthy, warmed honey, vanilla and spice. My chest just raises and the air flows in and it's easy. And all is right in my world for the minute.

"Nah, I won't." I counter with purpose, "'Sides, I'm not going to leave my dad. Both my sisters took off after high school and I'm not gunna do that to him too." I don't tell her this for the sympathy vote. I don't want a medal. I just want to be able to sleep at night. And if I'm half way across the country, I'll be plagued by the distance. "I'm just going to apply to Washington or Seattle. I was going to look at Washington State… but… Bella's going there… and… it's like eight hours away." I leave out the bit about the reason I was going to go there in the first place was _because_ of Bella. I think that's just best left unsaid.

She just looks at me for a minute. A slight smile on her face, and I think it's a look at wonder. I'm not really that special. Just ask Bella Swan. But Ness is looking at me like I am. I'm trapped by her smiling eyes, ensnared her eyes that are flecked with those honeyed specks and caught in the long thick lashes framing them. My eyes are searching over her face and I'm reminded again of just how smooth her skin is. It really is like fine china.

"I know you don't think it Jake," she whispers, leaning in to me. "But I think you are an amazingly unique person. Someone I would most certainly like to know better." She scoots a little closer to me, her knee brushing against mine. I can't let this happen.

Swallowing the lump in my throat and wetting my lips, I straighten, "What about you?" I ask. "You sound as if you already know what you want to do when you grow up."

"I do," she says softly, a look of defeat flashes across her features as she sees me pull away. It's replaced quickly by a far off look. One I recognize well, a look of ambition. "I'm going to be a primary care physician."

A doctor, I should have known. Good-on-her for knowing what she wants for someone so young. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I was a sophomore.

"I want to go to UW too," she continues, "they have the leading Primary Care graduate program in the country. I'm sure my parents would have been happy for me to go to boarding school but I wanted to try for just a little bit of normal, for once in my life. That's part of the reason I chose to move here specifically."

"What's the other part?" I ask. From the look on her face I instantly wish I hadn't. She bends over slightly, trying to hide the physical reaction she had to my innocent question. Her hand lifts up to the silver pendent she has hanging from her neck and she absently rubs it back and forth. A soft metallic purr as she pulls it back and forwards along the chain. I'm suddenly reminded of my conversation with her Latino Lover. _She's had a rough year. _ I guess she's still hung up on whatever they were to each other.

"That, my friend is a _very_ long and painful story."

"Well, if you ever want to tell it. I'll listen." I knew there was more to her arriving in the lazy town of forks. Maybe she's as broken as me. She's just better at hiding it.

She nods a little, it's a yes for one day I'll tell you, but not today as it morphs into a shake. She looks up at me, her eyes squinting, and she's biting her lip, "I'm not quite ready to talk about it yet Jacob. I left my last school to get away from it. And I… it's hard to talk about. Like…" she has tears welling in her eyes, "…really hard." Her voice is no more than a strained whisper and I do what any decent human would, I bring her into a hug.

I hold her, without words. My hand brushes down her back in long smooth moments. She feels so tiny as she presses into my chest. It feels like hours that we sit there, me holding her, giving her some support for once in the short time I've known this guardian angel of mine. She hasn't cried, but I can feel the sadness radiating off her. I can feel her take a cleansing breath, her face rubs against my chest and I think she's actually smelling me. It's the fucking most hottest thing I've ever experienced.

On her exhale she makes a contented little sigh. "Do you have any idea how good you smell?" she mumbles in to my shirt.

"It's Rexona," I say trying to make light of the fact that I have by friend's girlfriend in my arms.

She chuckles a little, "No it's not, it's _Jake_—may be a little bit of Rexona, but it's the _Jake_ I like the most."

It's supposed to be the _Seth_ she likes the most, not the _Me!_ This is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong wrong, wrong.

But it fells so right, right, right, right, right.

From this close angle, she lifts her chin up, so it's leaning on my chest and she looking up at me, her neck craning upwards. Before I can allow myself to think or second guess, my lips are on hers. It's short and soft and satisfying.

And a complete betrayal of Seth.

I pull away abruptly. She still has her eyes closed, a slight flush gracing her cheeks. I want nothing more than to just lean in and kiss her again.

Instead, I stand up.

"Jake?" she says confused her eyes opening up to look over at me as I back away.

"I can't Ness. I can't do this. Let just pretend this never happened ok." I say, shaking my head, my hands up as if I'm going to have to fend her off of me. I don't. She just sits there, her hands, that only seconds ago were pressed into me, fall from where they were, mid-air to her lap. A sharp slapping sound as they make contact with her skin.

"I don't un…"

I cut her off before she can continue.

"It never happened. OK?"

And with that I turn tail and get the hell out of there.

I never wanted to go to the party any way.

I never got one of those hot dogs.

I'm in love with her.

* * *

**Oh dear. Not the satisfaction I think a lot of you were after. Sorry about that. (not really sorry) You'll have to tune in next week to see what our heroes do about all this UST. but just remember Jake and Ness are both good kids. And neither want to hurt Seth.**

**On another note, thanks for all the great reviews guys. Thanks to the guest reviewers who I couldn't reply to too.**

**And as always thanks Aratee for being my Beta extraordinaire.**

**The story is warming up folks. Thanks for sticking with me.**

**M**


	15. 15 Secrets, scissors and Snickers

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

_On her exhale she makes a contented little sigh. "Do you have any idea how good you smell?" she mumbles in to my shirt._

"_It's Rexona," I say trying to make light of the fact that I have by friend's girlfriend in my arms._

_She chuckles a little, "No it's not, it's Jake—may be a little bit of Rexona, but it's the Jake I like the most." It's supposed to be the Seth she likes the most, not the Me! This is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong wrong, wrong. _

_But it fells so right, right, right, right, right._

_From this close angle, she lifts her chin up, so it's leaning on my chest and she looking up at me, her neck craning upwards. Before I can allow myself to think or second guess, my lips are on hers. It's short and soft and satisfying. _

_And a complete betrayal of Seth._

_I pull away abruptly. She still has her eyes closed, a slight flush gracing her cheeks. I want nothing more than to just lean in and kiss her again. _

_Instead, I stand up._

"_Jake?" she says confused her eyes opening up to look over at me as I back away._

"_I can't Ness. I can't do this. Let just pretend this never happened ok." I say, shaking my head, my hands up as if I'm going to have to fend her off of me. I don't. She just sits there, her hands, that only seconds ago were pressed into me, fall from where they were, mid-air to her lap. A sharp slapping sound as they make contact with her skin._

"_I don't un…"_

_I cut her off before she can continue. "It never happened. OK?"_

_And with that I turn tail and get the hell out of there._

_I never wanted to go to the party any way._

_I never got one of those hot dogs._

_I'm in love with her._

**You all thought we were done with Bella. Uh uh. She's back for an encore. **

**Only at least now Ness will be there to clean up the mess.**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews guys.**

**Thankyou L for this chapter. You saved it. You moulded it. You made it so much more accurate. You helped me give it more depth and still with some levity. Thankyou. Your beta skills shine through in this one.**

**Here we go… they kissed. And now Jake is going to punish himself. (If you haven't already realised this folks. Our Jacob, here in **_**this**_** story, has some clinical depressive tendencies. Ness will be his Prozac.)**

**Chapter 15 – Secrets, skates and Snickers.**

After the party— where that kiss _never_ happened— I go straight home. I get a few texts from Embry and Quil asking where the hell I've gone. I just make up some excuse about my hand hurting. I spend the rest of the weekend alone. Either taking lonely walks on the beach… with myself. Watching day time movies… with myself. Showering… by myself. Having sex… by myself. All in all, just being a complete looser… by myself.

By Sunday afternoon, I have stooped so low that I actually call Bella. Big Mistake. It does not help my current state of self-loathing or complete looser status.

I call on the pretence of seeing how her first few weeks of college was. We haven't talked at all since she left and, as sick and pathetic as it is, I miss taking to her. I miss the physicality, hence all the showering and having sex… by myself. But believe it or not, I miss my friend more.

I thought just talking with her about stuff, just shooting the breeze would somehow be cathartic.

WRONG.

"Hey Bells," I say as she answers.

"Jake! Hey. What's up? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Just calling to say hi." I say. Do I need a reason to call my friend? "I just wanted to see how your first few weeks of school have been. Did you get into all the classes you wanted?"

She's silent.

"Bells?"

There is silence on the line for a little longer before I hear a resigned sign on her end. "Have you talked to my dad?" she asks, a worried tone in her voice.

"No. Why?"

"Look, if I tell you something, you can't freak out and you can't tell my dad. OK?"

Too late, I'm already freaking out. "OK?" I say quietly. I phoned to get some simple talk therapy, not to get off loaded with Bella's latest crisis. I should have known better. It's always about Bella.

"Promise you won't tell my dad?"

Her making me promise only makes me want to do the opposite. Whatever the problem is, I'm pretty sure Charlie should know about it. "I promise. I won't promise that I'm not going to talk you into telling your dad. Or that I'm not going to yell at you in like, ten seconds. But I promise not to tell Charlie."

"Ok. Well, the thing is…" she hedges, "I kind of… I… I sort of… I didn't start school last week." She finally blurts out after the initial slow start.

"What do you mean you didn't start school? What the hell are you doing instead?" I ask, giving it all I can to not start yelling at her. I can tell by her hesitance that whatever the alternative is not going to be something me or her dad will be happy about.

"I'm postponing this semester."

"Okaaaay? To do what?" I ask again.

"To move to New York," she says.

I take a second to reply. She's following him to New York. Why am I not surprised?

"Are you going to transfer?" I ask, tight lipped. "Will you be able to get into CUNY or something?"

Silence for a few more moments. "I'm not going to go to the state school."

She doesn't need to elaborate. I know what she's trying to say. She's going to let him and his family's money pay for her education. It's something her own father could never afford. The kind of lifestyle I never be able to provide her either. She's gunna get her east coast white picket fence life sooner than expected.

"When are you moving?" my voice is bland and cold. I push all the tumultuous emotions down, down, down.

I hear her clear her throat on the other end of the line. "I'm already here. I moved my stuff last week."

"So you're living with him?" I don't even attempt to keep the pissed off tone out of my voice.

How can someone go from…from… from _**me**_…to 'I don't know what I want' (imagine my squeaky Bella voice here)… to living with _him _in a matter of two weeks? It's so many levels of fucked up. I'm done being the pining ex. She does whatever the hell she wants with my feelings, it's about time I do the same with hers too.

"Yes," she whispers, "his parents own an apartment on Broadway and we've moved in here." She's quiet again. "Jake?" she starts, breaking the silence. "We're gunna get married next spring. I'm gunna start at Colombia with him." She pauses for a minute. I think she's waiting for me to say congratulations of something. I don't. I'm split right down the middle. Fifty percent is cry baby, sooky momma. Oh poor, hard done by Jake. The other fifty is thinking 'you can go get fuck with your private school and perfect life and perfect apartment that could probably be powered by my own _rage!' _ My feeling are divided, so I say nothing. I am savagely gnawing away on the inside of my cheek. My fingers are losing circulation I have the phone cord wrapped around my hand so tight.

When I don't speak she breaks the silence again. "We can't be away from one another. I barely survived the last twelve months Jake, I can't do it again," she cries, pleading with me to understand. She seems to forget that she was with me for more or less the last twelve months. Her offhand comment stabs me right in the chest.

"You won't tell my dad will you?" she asks totally unaware of the cardioectomy she just performed in my already vacant chest cavity.

God I want to be angry with her. Why can't I stay angry with her?

Me and my fucking soft, bleeding heart.

"No, Bells" I sigh, "I won't tell him. But you'll have to tell him sooner or later. You can't keep something like… _your_ _whereabouts_ a secret Bella. If you're really happy and this _is _really what _you_ want, then there shouldn't be anything secretive about it!" the volume of my voice has risen, sometimes she needs some sense shouted into her.

"It's not a secret—it's just I have to find the right time to tell him."

"Does he even know you're engaged?"

Yes!"

"Does your mom?"

She's silent again.

"Bella! You have to tell your parents that you're getting married and that you've moved to the other side of the country!"

"Shhh, calm down Jake. I know. I will. I just…"

She's shushing me? What the fuck? Is she hiding in the closet to talk to me? Isn't she allowed to talk to her friend? Not that I think we're friends anymore. Well, not right now we aren't.

"You're just chicken shit!" I spit at her. "That's what you are."

"OK! Alright! I'm scared, I'm freaking terrified ok! It that what you want to hear?"

"Then why are you doing all this!"

"I not scared of being with Edward if that's what you mean! I'm scared of the shitty life I'm going to have without him. Of the blur into obscurity. I'm terrified of a life without **him,** Jake. And I'm scared stiff that if I tell my parents they'll make me come home or go back to Washington and I'll get sucked into that small town life that I've never wanted."

She says all this. But I'll I hear is that she never wanted me.

I can't listen to any more.

"Ok Bells. Your secret's safe with me. But if you don't tell Charlie by the end of the month, I will tell him. You can't keep the people who love you out of your life, it isn't fair." I take a breath, calming myself so I can resist the urge to slam the phone down. I can't believe she's changing so many fundamental aspects of her life so hastily. I don't know what's happened to the Bella I knew. Maybe I never knew her at all. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do. I'd be crazy to pass up an opportunity to study here. And, I know you don't want to hear this Jake, but, this _is_ what I want. He is who I want. I want to live the rest of my life with him, Jake. And I can't think of a good reason to wait. I don't want to wait to begin my life. He is my life. And we're living it together," she gushes. But her speech is contrived and unspontaneous. I'm sure she means it, but I'm equally as sure that she's practiced what to say to the likes of me and anyone from her 'old' life with the Ed. Fucker.

"We'll have a good life Bells. I'm sure it'll be all you hoped it would be."

And I hang up the phone.

And pick up a very large bottle from the back of the freezer.

Needless to say I have a pretty crappy night Sunday night. And in the morning I feel and look like shit. I _so_ don't want to go to school today, but it's the first day of term and I'm gunna go for perfect attendance. Call me square, I don't care, but I'll be the one laughing when I get into my college of choice and get myself up and out of this shit hole of a house.

I pull myself out of bed and take a shower and for the first time in the past few weeks I don't end up whacking off while I'm in there.

I spend a good hour trying to figure out what to wear. I swear I'm worse than a chick. But it's my first day as a senior. I just got dumped by my girlfriend who has secretly moved across the country and is getting married to someone else in about nine months' time and I don't want to look like the depressed pussy that I am. I want to look like I could hook up with any one of the chicks who catch my eye. I don't want to. I'm happy to be single for quite a while. (Unless it's Ness. But that doesn't count because Friday night was a mistake and nothing happened.) But I want to _look_ like I'm feeling one hundred percent.

I'm also having bad hair day. So I stuff the _hacked_ off mess into a cap.

Hacked off you ask? Yes… hacked off. A product of last night and the wallowing in my cesspool of self-pity and loathing. For one, I kissed Renesmee and I want to do it again which me makes me a bad friend and a traitor. Secondly, some of the things Bella said last night churned around in my head. I kept thinking that maybe I'd have had a better chance with her if I'd had more to give her. I can't give her the East coast, white picket fence life she wants. I don't have a hundred year old diamond ring to give her either. The only legacy I have from my grandmother is a higher risk of diabetes, a propensity towards alcoholism, a life on the poverty line, and of course… the glossy black hair. And that is how I found myself leaning over the bathroom counter, kitchen scissors in my left hand as I hacked off almost ten years of growth and a connection to my heritage. The length of my hair cut away in symbolism to the weakened strength of my spirit.

I'm kind of regretting it now. But I wasn't in the soundest or soberest of minds last night. (Yeah, I'm living up to that stereotype, I get it.) Dad hasn't seen it yet. He's gunna freak. Hence, the cap.

So now I've spent so long getting ready for school that I'm going to be late. Well I won't be late. But I won't be early like I'd planned. I wanted to go see coach before school. See if I could give up the captaincy. He's going to be disappointed but, like I told Renesmee Friday night, before I kissed her- which _didn't_ happen remember? —I want to spend more time on my studies. I'll still be on the team. But being football captain is too much work. I don't want the responsibility. I'm not good enough for a football scholarship to college even if I wanted it. But I just might be good enough academically, especially with the minority card I'm going to ride. And I want to focus on that.

So it's ten to eight, and I'm driving down South Forks Avenue. I see a kid on a skate board on the road coasting along the shoulder. He's got on a pair of black skinny jeans and a t-shirt. He looks familiar. It isn't until I get closer that I see the familiar bun piled atop of her head. It's Ness. She's skating. That brief but now evidently important phone conversation with her Latino Lover Boy that day at the cliffs washes through my mind. She needs a car.

She keeps on skating, occasionally lowering her foot and propelling herself further down the road. She's up right, standing on the board, back pack on, her hands limp by her side as she rolls further down the road. She briefly checks over her shoulder for oncoming traffic as she skates through an intersection and straight past the street we need for school. She pops an Ollie onto to sidewalk and then back onto the road again. I wonder where she's headed as I flick my blinker on and turn left, down towards Forks High.

As I pull into the parking lot I look around. There are plenty of familiar faces. Some kids are hanging out on the picnic tables out the front. Some are sitting on the steps. There isn't a space in the isle I've driven down so I turn and head back up another, waving to Emb in his truck as he and Quil get out. I was planning on being early, so I told them to not pick me up. Normally we all car pool together. It's cheaper, not always easier, with practice and Quil's detentions, but most certainly cheaper. I can see the exit in front of me and Embry is giving me the universal hands out in question gesture as I drive on past the vacant parking space next to him and keep on going. Without really thinking much about it I head back out on to the street. And turn left onto South Forks Avenue. In the direction the kid just skateboarded down. I can't let her just skate on out of town. We can still be normal. Nothing happened anyway.

It doesn't take me long and I see her making her way back up the street. It's pretty far down, she would have been pretty late if I hadn't found her. I guess she figured she'd missed the street at some point. There is a slight hill and she's having to push off practically every few feet.

"Hey Ness!" I yell out, pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store and coming to stop a ways from her. "You want a lift?"

"Jacob?" she squints, ducking down and looking into the car.

"Yeah it's me," I call back. "Who else is it gunna be? Come on, get in. I saw you skate straight past the street." I yell, motioning with my head. Her cheeks are flushed from the exercise. Her figure is smoking in her form fitting clothes too.

Nothing happened.

She kicks the board up into her hands and jogs over to my car, hopping in. "Thanks," she says a little breathless stashing her bag and board between her legs and reaching around for seat belt. She's acting like nothing happened. Good, cause nothing happened. It was a mistake and I'm not gunna hurt Seth.

She looks over to me for the first time, doing a double take. "What happened!" she squawks. Then her brows down turn, frowning her dissolution concern at me. "You didn't!?" her voice no more than a breath, disappointment and grief etched in to her voice. She reaches out and swipes the hat off of my head.

_I did._

"What happened?" she asks again, this time with more force and a little anger laced in to boot.

We're still sitting in the Thriftway car park and I kill the engine, throwing my head back in the seat and running my hands through my hair. It's still a shock to feel the short, haphazardly cropped lengths as my fingers feel air far too soon. "I talked to Bella last night and she's quit U of Dub, she's moved to New York, and they're getting married in April."

"They're what?" she cries, momentarily distracted from my hair by her cousin's and my ex's soap opera life.

"Their gunna set a date and she's moved in with him."

"That's awfully fast," she demurs. "What's with Edward? Can't he just leave the girl alone long enough for her to get a degree?"

"Apparently not and apparently she can't live without him and, I quote, 'she can't think of a good reason for her not to start living there lives apart anymore'."

"Ah? How about the reason that he left her for, like, a year? And they've only been back together for like, two weeks?!"

"My thoughts exactly. So you can see why I was in a bad way last night… and … I… I cut it." I say gesturing to the mess of ebony sticking up at odd angles.

She runs her hand through my hair a few times, eventually giving the front a not so soft tug as she accuses, all but crying. "You anglicized yourself."

It's _my _hair I don't know why she's so upset about it.

"I didn't _anglicize _myself," I rebut. "I was trying to not be reminded of all the things that are shitty with my life and I got a bit carried away."

"You think your hair and all that it symbolises is a _shitty _part of your life?" she asks, but it's more like an acerbic reprimand.

"You're taking me out of context," I snap. I don't why her comment bothers me so much. But it does. I feel like I have to defend myself to her. "It not what it symbolises to _me _that's shitty, it's what it symbolises to rest of the world."

"The _world,_ is a very big place, Jacob Black. What exactly is it you think it symbolises?" she's a little too steady with her questions. Like she's worldlier than me, like she knows what it feels like to walk in my shoes. What it feels like to be judged by your appearance and your heritage and not by your actions as an individual. This rich kid with the charmed life—she doesn't know me.

"My hair symbolises that I'm a poor Indian. That I'm lazy and uneducated and my dad's probably an alcoholic!" I'm yelling now. Not at Ness, even though the anger seems directed at her. I'm angry at myself. "That I'll never claw my way out of the Res. That I can't afford an apartment on Broadway. I can't afford an Ivy League school. That I could never be enough, never enough for _her_." I say, the words out of my mouth before I've had a chance to filter them. The realisation that I've cut my hair as some kind of pay back to Bella strikes me. And by the look of empathy in Renesmee's eyes, I can see she knew it all along. She was goading it out of me.

She _does_ know me.

I cover my mouth with my hands, stifling the choked cry that erupts out. I am so many levels of fucked up today, I don't know how I'm going to get through homeroom let alone a whole day of school.

She looks me over for a few breaths, "Stay here," she says as she grabs her purse out of her backpack and hops out of the car, crossing the lot and going into the Thriftway.

Less than five minutes later I've composed myself and I can see Ness in my side mirror. She doesn't come around to sit in the passenger seat like I expect though. Instead she opens my door and takes my hand, pulling me out of the car, again I feel the thrilling zap from her touch. Her fingers are so tiny in mine; and warm. Bella's' hand are always cold.

I see her close her eyes, briefly composing herself before she speaks again. She feels it too. "You look like you had a fight with the barber at an insane asylum and lost," she chuckles, shaking her head. "Let me fix it for you."

And with that, she takes out a pair of silver scissors form the shopping bag and directs me to perch on the hood. She moves, standing between my legs, her hands firmly on either side of my head as she lowers my head down. "You know, I have no idea what I'm doing here," she says as she combs her fingers through hair and starts snipping.

"I guess anything is better that the job I did," I say, closing my eyes and succumbing to the sensation of warm fingertips against my scalp. She's standing so close to me I can smell her perfume, it's warm and homely and oh so comforting. This is how we stand for the next several minutes. Her hovering between my legs as she trims and salvages my mess from last night and me, sitting quietly with hands limp in my lap and eyes closed, enjoying her scent and the feeling her fingers have on my body.

"Done," she sings, a quick pinch on my chin to emphasize.

I run my hands over my hair, it's shorter, but I can feel it's more even. Hopefully I don't look like I used a lawn mower to cut it now.

"Thanks,"

"No worries," she sings, pulling her phone out of her pocket and flicking the screen. She holds it out showing me the live image of myself on the screen. I take it out of her hands, moving it up to see it better. It's not bad, it's short, which is all my fault. But at least now it looks like an actual cut. It's asymmetric but not as much as I had hacked into it and I've got a little faux hawk going. "Wow Ness! It's cool. I don't hate it anywhere near as much as I thought I would."

"As _much?!" _she whinges, laughing at the same time.

"I don't mean it like that," I say rolling my eyes. "It great. Thankyou, I think I can actually take the cap off and not feel too self-conscious now. Honestly… thankyou." Our eyes meet as I try to convey my gratitude… for everything. She's going along with it all. Nothing happened.

"Good. Your welcome." She nods. Smiling that clear, sunshine speckled smile. I'm not sure if she understands that I mean _everything_, not just the hair. I don't get a chance to start that deep and meaningful expression of appreciation though. "It's your turn now." She says slapping the sheers into my palm.

"What?" I shriek, standing up and trying to give her back the scissors. She doesn't take them. She's reaching up behind her head and unwinding the bun she has coiled back there.

"Relax, I'm not doing anything as drastic as you. I'm not an idiot," she scoffs in a less than veiled insult. She's gathering all that hair of hers and laying it over her shoulder.

"I promised your boyfriend on the phone that I wouldn't let you cut it."

Truthfully, I don't give a flying fuck what I did or did not promise her _lover_—her words, not mine. I don't want to get this close to her. I mean, I _do. _But at the risk of sounding Neanderthal-ish, she is Seth's property. And her cutting my hair was the single most sensual experience of my entire life. The tent in my pants is testament to this. And I can't go reciprocating the favour. Friday night's kiss was a mistake and nothing happened.

"There are two things wrong with that sentence. Firstly, Nahuel is NOT my boyfriend, and secondly, you promised him I wouldn't cut it above my boobs. And I'm not."

She runs her hands down her hair a few times again. Smoothing it over her little-big tits, they look amazing under that t-shirt by the way. Not that I'm looking. "So cut it off below my boobs, Jacob." She's holding her hair, griping it with both fists, holding up the space of copper brown strands for me to cut through.

Feeling like I don't have much of a choice in this matter, I turn the scissors around in my left hand, they're small and squishy around my giant fingers. It's awkward left handed, then I realise I have them upside-down. _Amateur_. So flipping them around, my fingers fit into the holes marginally better. The blades are open and I hover them over her locks. "You sure about this?" I ask, hesitating. I don't want her cutting her Rapunzel tresses as some sort of gesture of solidarity.

"Yes I'm sure. Cut it already," she urges, not sounding as if she's sure at all.

"You don't sound sure."

"I am."

I give her a look of scepticism, one brow arching up. I practiced that baby in the mirror all of ninth grade. Finally paying off.

"_I am!"_ she insists. "I just… I've never had it cut and... I don't know… it feels like a waist to just toss it out."

A thought occurs to me. "Hang on," I say, shoving the scissors into my back pocket and moving back in to my car, reaching over to the glove compartment and sorting through it.

"Here." I smile holding out a rubber band and peeling her fingers from her pony tail. I smooth out her hair, it so soft, I like the way the curls bump under my palm. I tie the band a few inches below her boobs. My hands are _way_ too close to those puppies. I could just shift my hand, just an inch and my knuckles could brush against those knockers.

"Don't even think about it.," she warns, looking up at me through her lashes, a sultry smirk on her lips. I guess she gets her fair share of teenage boys staring at her tits. She knows how to follow a line of sight. I get the distinct feeling though, that it's opposite day today and all she wants is for me to get a great big handful. Oh shit. I'm in way too deep here. I forgot for a few minutes there that I'm supposed to be sad over Bella still, oh and Seth is already on first base and I can't steal second. I can't. I shouldn't. I want to... But I won't. I can be her friend. I can.

Friday night was a mistake and nothing happened.

As I tie the last loop of the band around her hair, I'm biting my lip. I'm so fucking torn, my dick is killing me, and I can't hold these miniature scissors in my good hand for shit. "You cut it Ness, I'm too spastic left handed. I'll hold the top bit."

"Ok" she sighs, taking the shears from me and holding the lower portion of her hair. "Ok, ok, ok." She says out in one breath, as she works herself up to it.

"You don't have to do this," I whisper quietly. Our heads are close together and we're inside our own little bubble as we stand in the parking lot of Forks' largest grocery store, now at least fifteen minutes late for school. She looks up at me, her hazelnut eyes full of her strength and her vulnerability… and wisdom measured beyond her years. I see her jaw set, the little muscles to the side of her porcelain cheek, tensing with determination.

"I want to," she whispers back, looking back down to her hair, "I _have_ to—for Angelus," and in one clean, long slice, her hair falls away.

She holds the amputated ponytail up; it swings and the curls bounce with the movement. There is a lot more red in it than I'd realised as she holds it up into the sunlight like a trophy, the way I've seen my father hold up a fish he's caught after hours on the river. The smile on her lips is brilliant, I feel honoured to be able to share in this moment of liberation with her. I don't quite understand its significance to her or who Angelus is, but I know it is significant nevertheless. And I'm honoured.

The remaining hair has fallen over her shoulders, spilling over those mountains on her chest. If it's at all possible, they look even bigger now. I supress the hot shiver that runs thorough me. One word… Seth. Not going to be one of those guys. You know, one of those guys… that if you were a girl, you'd be called a slut but because you a guy it's somehow ok, but really your just an asshole and a bad friend. Not gunna be one of those guys.

Friday night was a mistake and it never happened.

She has her hair divided evenly over both tits. It's torture. And she's cutting a little more off one side, evening it up. It's my free-ticket to watch her tits, cause… I not… I'm just watching the area that she's cutting… I am!

When she's done trimming, she picks up the shopping bag from the Thriftway and empties out two candy bars and a tube of lip-gloss, lowering her tied up, severed curls into the white plastic for safe keeping.

"Here," she says, slapping a Snickers into my hand and jumping up to sit on the bonnet of my car, "I bought us chocolate. I know after Nahuel broke up with his _boyfriend_," she stresses, proving the point that Latino lover is, in fact, NOT _her_ lover, "the only thing that helped was chocolate."

He's gay? It that what she's saying? Nothing more than her friend? The little flutter of excitement seeps into my gut. Then I remember Seth and I toss some cold water onto that little flame that keeps wanting to re-ignite. "What? You think I'm some kind of depressed Emo?"

She watches me as if trying to make a decision, her hands are raking through her still long but now less freakishly-long hair. What I wouldn't give to see what it feels like to run my fingers through her hair. The Velcro on my brace would probably just catch and I'd hurt her. And then I'd hurt Seth.

I'm broken out of my follicle ogling by her answer to my earlier question. "Emo..? No. Depressed..? I don't know; not yet, and not at _all,_ if I can help it," she smiles, flicking her finger to my candy bar, "eat up, it's the breakfast of champions."

"And apparently very satisfying," I reply. Oh how original Black, you lame-ass, short haired, depressed emo cry baby you.

"That's what I've heard," she grins, laughing quietly at my lameness as she opens her own wrapper and takes a bite. "Yep, very satisfying."

We sit side by side on the hood of my car, chewing on the peanut nougaty goodness. I think we're finally at a place where it's a little less weird. We're back to friends. I hope. If could change one thing since the day I first met Ness; I would have held her that day at La Push. I would have told Bella she could take her uncertainty and shove it. That day we stood pressed together on the back of Embry's truck, if I could change one thing, I wouldn't have pulled away from Renesmee. And then she wouldn't have been Seth's. Instead she'd be mine.

There is something about just being next to her that just makes me feel better. It's not even the things she says or does, it's just being alongside her. As if our energies vibrate on the same frequency and there is harmony in the space between us.

I feel comfortable. Aside from the kiss that didn't happen, I'm really starting to consider this girl a friend. I truly belief we can at the least be friends. She never has to know the depth of my budding feelings.

She just makes me feel comfortable and at peace.

So what do I do? I go and wreck it.

"So," I ask, one hundred percent, completely, wrecking the comfort, "Who's Angelus?"


	16. Chapter 16 - Nessie's Point of View

_**Last time on P &amp; C's...**_

_"You look like you had a fight with the barber at an insane asylum and lost," she chuckles, shaking her head. "Let me fix it for you."_

_And with that, she takes out a pair of silver scissors form the shopping bag and directs me to perch on the hood. She moves, standing between my legs, her hands firmly on either side of my head as she lowers my head down. "You know, I have no idea what I'm doing here," she says as she combs her fingers through hair and starts snipping._

_"I guess anything is better that the job I did," I say, closing my eyes and succumbing to the sensation of warm fingertips against my scalp. She's standing so close to me I can smell her perfume, it's warm and homely and oh so comforting. This is how we stand for the next several minutes. Her hovering between my legs as she trims and salvages my mess from last night and me, sitting quietly with hands limp in my lap and eyes closed, enjoying her scent and the feeling her fingers have on my body... _

_There is something about just being next to her that just makes me feel better. It's not even the things she says or does, it's just being alongside her. As if our energies vibrate on the same frequency and there is harmony in the space between us._

_ I feel comfortable. Aside from the kiss that didn't happen, I'm really starting to consider this girl a friend. I truly belief we can at the least be friends. She never has to know the depth of my budding feelings._

_She just makes me feel comfortable and at peace._

_So what do I do? I go and wreck it._

_"So," I ask, one hundred percent, completely, wrecking the comfort, "Who's Angelus?"..._

* * *

**Chapter 16 - Nessie's point of view**

"So," he asks like it hasn't been bothering him the whole time, "who's Angelus?" He's looking out over the parking lot, I can tell he's dying to watch my face but he doesn't want to give away how much he wants to. Tough luck big guy, I already know.

I suck in a big breath and shift a little on the warm bonnet of his little red car. I don't know why he has a little car like this one. Jake strikes me as more of a big, jacked up, _truck_ kind of guy. I'll have to ask him. But he asked me first. Who's Angelus? Who _was_ Angelus?

I'm stalling.

I just knew he was going to ask me about _him._ As soon as I said that quiet prayer as I cut my hair, I knew Jacob wouldn't be able to just leave it be.

I don't mind. As painful as it is to talk about him, I can't deny the urge to share with this man beside me.

So gathering up all the courage I have left over these last twelve months. I turn slightly, my hand leaning casually behind me as I prepare to spill. Nothing _casual_ about it though.

"I suppose that if I tell you about Angelus, I have to tell you about _Luca_ first." I see Jacob glimpse cautiously sideways at me, our eyes meet for a second. I give him my best, most confident smile, like I have no problem taking about all of this. My heart is racing like it's derby day though, and I can feel my mouth desiccating by the millisecond. The word 'cowardice' comes to mind.

I normally don't care so much about what other people think about me. I am who I am. And they can take me or leave me as I am too. But with Jake... I do... it's lame and juvenile, but I want to be liked by him, _desperately_. I want for him to like me and accept me and know all of my dirty little secrets and still feel the same feelings anyway. I want to be his friend, his confidant... his lover. Boy, what I wouldn't give to be his lover. I swear my nanny in Ukraine, Sveta, could have washed on those abs of his. _I _want to wash on those abs of his. I have a feeling though, that with that selfish banshee of an ex, that he's sworn off women all together. Okay, we wouldn't have to be _lovers_, I'd easily settle for _girlfriend_... Hell, I'm so enthralled by this amazing guy that even _friends_ just might tide me over for a while. But only a little while.

I'm still stalling.

I'm only stalling though because I know that all my adolescent infatuations will all be null and void if I scare him off with my crap life story. But I can't tell him the crap life story if I don't have the guts to actually talk.

I've just got to gather up a little more of that courage and slog on through.

And I do..."Luca was my boyfriend in tenth grade."

"Tenth grade?" he buts in. "I thought you were a freshman?"

Really? After all the time I've spend with the knuckle head I though he would have at least figured out my age. It's my biggest handicap in life, being so short. What I wouldn't give for half a foot more. Even just two inches would be nice.

"You think I'm a freshman?" I ask, letting myself be distracted from what I was about to delve into. A synonym of stalling.

"Oh sorry, you must be a Junior now."

"Really?!" I screech in indignation, pushing my newly trimmed hair off my face as it falls about, over my eyes. I'm not stalling now, I really am shocked and surprised that he thinks I'm just a little kid. I thought we _got_ each other.

"What?" he asks in confusion. "What did I say?"

"Why have you assumed I'm twelve years old?" I cry out to the cloud covered sky above us in frustration. "I'm a senior for crying out loud!"

He looks surprised for a moment, assessing me and covertly giving my tits the once over before his gaze settles back to my eyes. He wasn't very covert about it though, I totally saw him perving. S'okay by me.

He just watches me for a few beats of my racing heart. And I feel myself get sucked into the deep melted depth of his deep and melting heart. Then his pupils contract infinitesimally, hardening and barricading before relaxing and he gets that teasing twinkle in his eye. It's an easy twinkle I've really only seen him have around his friends.

I think we just became friends. "Well in my defense," he starts, "you are kind of shor…"

"Don't you dare!" I cut him off, pointing my finger at him. He seems to think it's freaking hilarious, that blindingly perfect smile of his beaming over to me. The damn thing is contagious and I find myself smiling right back at him.

"Sorry, Sorry," he laughs, trying to set us back on track to the heavy conversation we'd just started. He makes me forget. Even for a moment. That's what I love about this man. "I interrupted," he apologies, "keep going. Please. You were saying about your tenth grade boyfriend," he mollifies, his voice deep and rumbly, it makes my insides all gooey. It hurts my heart to think about how damaged his beautiful soul is. I've only met this Bella Swan in passing, but one day I'll tell her how badly she did. Poor form all around from her _and_ Eddie. Poor form.

Stalling.

I suck in breath, square off my shoulders, and continue on with my crap life story. I can do this. Just tell a story, don't become emotionally involved in it. Disregard the fact that I _am_ emotionally invested in it, because it's _my_ story.

"Okay, so Luca was my boyfriend for a good portion of tenth grade and for the first bit of eleventh. We were nothing special, not in love if you know what I mean. But he was popular, I was popular, we just seemed to fit. We… how do I say this?"

You say it by just spitting it out Ness.

I've linked my fingers in front of me and the ball of my fists are shoved heavily into my gut. Jake must notice because he turns towards me, taking my hands from where I have them stuffed into my belly and gently pries my fingers form their tangled mass of anxious digits.

"You don't have to tell me Ness. It's okay." His eyes are do deep and dark and I just want to get lost in them for a minute again or a maybe for a life time. My fingers tingle from where he's holding them. I don't dare pull them away and he doesn't move to do so either.

"No. I want to tell you." I can't explain the connection I feel for him. I want so badly to tell him as much. But every time I get closer, he pulls away. The energy flowing through our hands is distracting. Distracting, but in a good way—It's heartening and re-energizing.

I want him to know this story I have hidden inside of me. I want Jake to know about _him_ so that he can then truly know _me_.

"I'll just spit it out," I say in a breath and he nods. "Luca and I had a _physical_ relationship… For a while, you know? And one weekend his parents were out of town for a conference. It was just him and his older brother, and Paolo didn't care what we got up to. So, I told my parents I was staying at my friend's house and Luca and I spent the weekend christening every room in the house. If you know what I mean?" I look up at Jake and I can see by the look on his face and by the flush on his cheeks that he indeed does know what I mean. "It was stupid and we were sixteen and we didn't use condoms a few times and about ten weeks after, I realized I was pregnant."

There. I've said it…

The first bit anyway.

There is the potential for some very uncomfortable silence now, but I don't let myself, or Jacob, dwell. I just slog on through. No more stalling. I'm committed to getting the whole story out.

"My parents were really good about it. So was Luca and his mom. His dad… not so much. His father is a banker, he's pretty high up in the Banca di Roma chain of command. And I guess he had higher hopes for his son than teenage fatherhood. Mr Fiorentino really tried to pressure me to get an abortion even though it's illegal in Italy. But I didn't want to and neither did Luca and my parents said they'd support me, whatever decision I made. And I decided to keep it. We both did. And that ended up in me being _asked_ to leave school."

"What?" Jake queries, the offence to my discrimination apparent in his tone.

"You have to understand the kind of school it is Jacob. It's a private, catholic, international school. A lot of very important people send their kids there. They're guided by church law; and sex before marriage is against cannon law. Everywhere has their rules, only some are stricter than others. Like, I gave up ballet too. You can't maintain a strict diet when you growing another human inside of you and you defiantly can't dance. Not even in the first months, well not at the Rome Center of Dance anyway," I say, forgetting to hide the bitterness about being kicked out of ballet school from my voice.

It's funny how with all this school crap, the dancing is what I get the most upset about? But it's the school stuff that's gunna effect the rest of my life so much further reaching. Both of our lives.

"So I left the school among a maelstrom of rumors and sideways glances. Luca has changed schools now too; To try and get a fresh start. I think he's happy there." Well at least he _says_ he is.

"So, I sat at home. Mom put her work on hold to be around and also to home school me. Luca and I went to ultra sound appointments and we started anti-natal classes. We stopped sleeping together and that part of our relationship ended. We became just friends, friends who were having a baby together at sixteen. He was great, he'd stay over a lot, he helped me through the motion sickness and everything, but as the physical relationship side of things sort of stopped and died off with all the stress, eventually so did the kissing too. And like I said, he'd stay over a fair bit, he used to love lying on my stomach and getting kicked in the face by the little guy. Luca would talk to him and teach him Italian while I translated in English. It was one of the things we'd do." I laugh a little at the memory of it, not staling, but _regrouping_ before continuing to the bloodied and raw 'meat' of the story.

No deep breath is going to make it any easier to say it, though. I just have to. I have to say it.

"He wasn't at our house though when, at two o'clock in the morning, I woke up with severe stomach cramps and a bed full of blood and broken waters. Four months too early. Mum and dad took me straight to the hospital and Luca and his mom met us there. I was twenty three weeks pregnant. That's like five months." I explain, most guys don't know about the weeks but they sort of get the month thing. Sometimes is just easier to detach and be all clinical about it.

I actually haven't had to tell anyone about this before. Mom or Dad or someone else always broke the ice for me. My stomach is churning as I teeter on the edge of the hardest bit of this story. I think I'm gunna vomit. I swallow hard. Holding in my breath and speak, all on the exhale.

"They couldn't stop the contractions." I suck in another hardening breath, it's pointless, my voice wavering anyway and it sounds ready to break, just like my heart has. "And at 4:29pm on March 29th Angelus Fiorentino-Cullen was born. He lived for one hour and six minutes. He took his last breath in my arms. My stupid long hair curling around us both."

It's quite in the parking lot of the supermarket, the occasional motor of a pasting car blending in to the wind and squawk of birds nesting nearby. We both sit for a moment, my eyes are closed and I can hear his slow soft breath dispersed with the sound of my rasping and my pulse thudding in my ears. All the sound, nothing more than while noise over shadowed by the memory of what that last sound sounded like. His last breath.

I'm deep within my own memories as I start to feel the hot salty water of my tears brim and bubble out from my lashes. Jacob still has a hold of my hand and his fingers feel rough and warm as they methodically sweep over my knuckles. Back and forth.

Then, before long, my tears start to flow freely. Rivulets down my cheeks, dripping on my neck line and collar. I refuse to have any shame in grieving over the loss of my son. Sadness... privacy... but never shame.

It's several minutes later before I can gather myself enough. I look up at Jake. His eyes are closed and he looks pained. Little worry lines are creasing his brow, a tight and stricken pull to his normally smiling, full lips.

One of my hands is being clutched by the superb man sitting next to me and the other is clutching the pendant around my neck. The one I never take off.

"Luca gave me this to remind me of what never was. Our baby. Angelus." I say leaning across to show him the engraved marking beneath the diamond adorned angel inscribed with his name.

Opening his eyes, Jacob leans in a little, taking the pendant in his fingers and looking closely.

"Ness," he whispers, staring at the pendant. I'm sure he's not yet willing to look directly at me after such a revelation. "I'm so very sorry. How do you move on from that? How do you keep smiling?" he looks up at me now, his eyes glisten with tears. It wasn't my intention to upset him. I just wanted to share something that was important to me.

I haven't even told Seth yet. The kids turning out to be a great friend, one I'm sure I'll have for life, but I'm not ready to tell him. Only Jacob. This feeling I have with Jake, it's more than I've ever experienced before. It's more than the physical attraction with Luca, more than the kindred friendship with Nahuel or Seth. It's just… _more_. I haven't a better word for it. I wanted him and _only_ him to know.

Forgetting my own feelings for a moment, my hand lifts up to trace the flow of tears that have escaped down his face. "Don't cry Jake. It's all done now. We had a small funeral. Luca and I have said our goodbyes. We still message on Facebook and I guess I'll Skype him soon. I've learnt to deal with it. Sort of." We break eye contact and I lean my head on to his shoulder, it's a shoulder I could lean on for ever. I feel bolstered and supported by his presence and for the first time in months I can talk about this to someone without it taking the normal _hours_ for me to regather myself.

"I'm ashamed to admit it," I say over his shoulder, looking out over the parking lot again, his braced hand finding the side od my waist, it's nice, "but a little part of me is relieved. I get to have this second chance now. Not that he wouldn't have been cherished and loved. But I would have had a very different life. I probably would have ended up living in Italy the rest of my life. A career and further relationships would have been so much harder. Let's face it, who would have wanted to get involved with at twenty two year old with a first grader around her ankles." I stay, steering us to slightly safer subject matter and a tried and trusted way for me to compose myself.

Jake gives me all I need to console myself with his understanding compassion. "No, I get that. It's understandable to have such mixed feeling about the whole thing. It's honest Ness, don't be ashamed by honesty," he says, as I pull back a little, his warm, strong hand reaching up and gently brushing over my cheek. It's kindhearted and tender and nothing sexual in the gesture at all.

"It hurts to think of him like that though," I say, my voice strained and lamented as I see through my minds eye. "Like a little six year old, running around, kicking a ball, learning his words." I don't mean to, but I suck in my runny nose, right by the side of Jake's ear. He doesn't seem to mind. "He had my hair, you know? It was still really short but it was obvious how red and curly he would have been. Luca has really dark brown and pretty much straight hair, so I know he was going to be blessed with this affliction of hair." I say pointing to the ringlet that's fallen across my eye. "That's a big part of why I wanted to cut it. It's a reminder of him all the time. Every time I think of him as I held him, my hair is in the image. Flowing over him, wrapping around him. Now it's a little less of a reminder. So thank you for helping me with that." I offer, trying to lighten the mood further. For myself... and for Jake.

"And…. That's who Angelus is. And that's why I moved here. The real reason," I end. I feel lighter from my confession, I hope with fervor that I haven't burdened this gentle heart beside me. And that this memoir won't completely fudge things up with the man or for my own sanity too for that matter.

I have chosen to learn some valuable lessons from all of this tragedy. One lesson being to live life to its fullest. Another is to love deeply and fully, and without reservation. And another _harder_ lesson for me to learn, is that things happen for a reason, even if it's not obvious at the time. And Jake is in my life for a reason.

I sit up straighter. Sucking in a cleansing breath and I catch a whiff of his delicious man smell. I feel it deep in my chest as I do. He makes me feel better about _everything_. I think this is my reason.

Even if he is still hung up on Bella. I know he's attracted to me. At least physically. He kissed me. It was short and sweet but entirely perfect. My lips are still tingling from the contact three days later. And then he ran.

But he's not shut me out entirely. He must care for me at lest _slightly_. Hopefully much more. He came and found me after I missed the school turn off. I'm going to take this as a good sign. I can be patient.

Letting his aura wash through me, I use his energy to lift me up. We run on the same wave length Jake and me. I can feel it. There is no resistance between us. My spirit knows his. This too is our reason for being in each others lives.

Weather it is from this life, or another, there is something about him and me. We are meant for greatness together.

But that is to contemplate another day.

Today… now, I have to get myself together for school. Don't want to be a crying mess on the first day. I want to do my best to look like a normal seventeen year old. Because I _am_. I just have a little more to be emo about than most.

Speaking of school, I check my watch. Oh shit. "It's like, eight thirty!" I screech as I jump off the bonnet. "I can't believe I'm going to be late for my first day at a new school. Oh fuck! Oh shit! My parents are going to kill me if they find out. Fuck!"

Getting up and then moving to his door, "Relax Ness," he says, "homeroom is always longer on the first day, don't stress."

We're driving now and thankfully the school is only a few blocks away.

"Easy for you to say," I wail, "I have to go complete my enrollment, I don't know what classes I'm in and I have no idea where the office even is!" I've been the new kid at school more times than I'd care to remember, it doesn't get any easier. In fact, it's been my experience that the older you get, the better the kids know each other and the harder it is to infiltrate the cliques.

"Chill amiga, I'll show you. I'll even take you to your homeroom if you want."

I wave of relief washes over me. I have more than one friend at this school. A few even. I'd let myself forget about that for a second. "Oh Jake, will you? Thank you. That would be so good. I was meant to meet Seth out the front but I'd say he's already gone in."

I see him take a deep breath, and he seems to give himself a slight nod, affirming to himself something that I am not privy to.

"Nah Ness, that's one thing you'll realize about me," he declares. "I'm nothing if I'm not loyal. I follow through on my commitments. I don't break promises. And I don't leave _freshmen_ all alone on their first day of school."

"But I'm not a freshman," I say knowing full well he's trying to provoke me.

I'd say he just wants to thoroughly change the subject, I get it, it's a heavy subject I just off-loaded. One that leaves people without the right words.

I didn't need his words; his shoulder was all I needed and he offered it, freely. And now his actions are just what I need too. His teasing is allowing me to stash my emotions surrounding Angelus back into the little pendant around my neck. It works and I'm grateful to him for knowing just what I need.

He's my protector. Our spirits are old friends.

"You're really a senior?" he asks with mock doubt pulling into one of the last car spaces in the school parking lot.

"Yes! I just turned seventeen last month! Is it really so hard to believe? I don't act like a twelve year old do I?"

"No," he says over the top of the car as we both get out.

"And is that the _story_ of a twelve year old?" I smile, the little pull on my heart from the reference eased with his answering smile.

"Well no, that's more like the story of a thirty year old. So I guess if you average 12 and 30 you get 17."

"No you don't," I counter, "you get 21."

"Yeah well, I've gotta take a few years off for the height. Or lack of. It just can't be overlooked." He laughs as he takes my skate board off me and carries it. It's a sweet gesture. And he's sweet and so are his lips. And I want to just devour them right here on the front steps of the school. He's looking at me like he wants to do the same. But once again, he pulls away, gesturing with his hand the way to the office.

I sigh, maybe it's best if I wait a little before jumping into a relationship. Ground myself here a little first. Give the guy some time to get over his selfish ex and my egotistical cousin. God knows I've had over six months to grieve and almost a year of celibacy. I can wait a few more weeks. I hope it's not months.

"Ok. Seventeen it is," I agree, following him up the steps and mentally doing my best to friend zone him. It's going to be very hard to do though. He's just so beautiful, inside and out. And the beauty of his outside has me by the ovaries right now. The muscles in his back ripples underneath his thin cotton shirt as his arms swing. The shirt's cream colored and it contrasts superbly with the tanned brown of his summer skin. I _really_ hope this friend zone doesn't have to last _too_ long.

"You do realize that one, Seth Harold Clearwater is _not_ seventeen?" he asks over his shoulder. His really muscly and broad shoulder.

Of course I know how old Sethy is. It's one of the first things we talked about that night at the party when he and Quil were waiting for a very drunk Jake to finish talking to Bella. Seth is very mature for a fifteen year old. His still so confused, but with some good friends like Jake and the love of his family he'll figure stuff out. In the meantime, I just like hanging out with the kid.

"Yeah. I know that. I also happen to know that you _are_. The legal age is sixteen in Washington, isn't it?" He is holding the door open for me and I can see his pupils dilate as I step past him and walk ahead. _ Yeah. It's sixteen alright. _I know you think I'm pretty Jacob Black. I think you are too. But it's okay that you won't do anything about it. I'll wait for you to be ready.

He catches up in a pace or two, keeping step behind my shoulder. I can sense him leaning over, his proximity sending a shiver over my entirety. He smells so good, he has no idea the effect he has on me. It's making this friend zone thing challenging.

"So…" he asks, his breath is warm on my neck as he speaks. "you taking Biology?"

"Yes," I answer, twirling my hair back up into a bun and watching him over my shoulder our faces only inches apart.

"Good, 'cause I need a new lab partner."


	17. Chapter 17 - More than a Crush

**Hey all. So gald so many of you liked the last chapter. Thanks so much for the reviews.**

**Thanks you Aretee for being my Beta and helping me navigate my way around an American High school.**

* * *

_**Last time on P &amp; C's**__** ( Nessie's POV)… "at 7:49am on February 24th Angelus Fiorentino-Cullen was born. He lived for one hour and six minutes. He took his last breath in my arms." he looks up at me now, his eyes glisten with tears. It wasn't my intention to upset him. I just wanted to share something that was important to me.**_ _**This feeling I have with Jake, it's more than I've ever experienced before. It's more than the physical attraction with Luca, more than the kindred friendship with Nahuel or Seth. It's just… more. I haven't a better word for it….**_

_**Following him up the steps I mentally do my best to friend zone him. It's going to be very hard to do though. He's just so beautiful, inside and out. And the beauty of his outside has me by the ovaries right now. The muscles in his back ripples underneath his thin cotton shirt as his arms swing. The shirt's cream coloured and it contrasts superbly with the tanned brown of his summer skin. I really hope this friend zone doesn't have to last too long."**_

**Chapter 17 - More than a crush.**

After a morning of haircuts and confessions before even the first bell sounds, Ness and I end up just catching the tail end of home room. Yes we're in the same home room and she is not a sophomore, I repeat, _not_ a sophomore. The little pocket rocket is in fact a senior. I'm such a douche for not asking her earlier. Turns out, we're in, like, four different AP classes together. This year is finally starting to look up. But I gotta keep reminding myself that she's Seth's. Doesn't mean I can't look though.

I find her at lunch, in the line. She comes to sit with me and some of the other seniors, mostly guys from the football team. They're ogling like assholes, I don't appreciate it. And by the looks she's giving them, neither does she. Then Seth comes over, lunch tray in hand, saying hi.

"Hi" he says.

"Hi," she says back. "You want to sit?"

Seth doesn't. He's a sophomore. He doesn't sit with the Varsity football team. It's not _my_ fault. It's basic High School Interactions 101. As much as I love the guy like a brother outside of school, here… here in the cafeteria, he's just a sophomore I sort of know. Yes, I know it's horrible and two faced… oh, shut up.

He doesn't tell her this outright, but when he says, "Oh…um… no… I sit over there," pointing to an empty table two rows across, she gets the picture.

"Well I'll come sit with you then," she says picking up her tray and leaving me sit with Tyler and Jarred. Great.

This is how it goes.

Two days pass.

I haven't talked to her about what she's told me about her dead angel baby. How she can walk around without bursting into tears every two seconds is beyond me.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she hasn't told Seth about the _real_ reason she's moved here. I'm such a jealous fucker that this notion makes me happy.

It's all I have of her to hold on to. I'm the one she's told this to. The one she's chosen to trust. I'm her friend. But just her friend. And apparently I'm not high enough up on the friendship ladder to sit with at lunch either.

She sits with Seth. Their seats are pushed right together as he shows her funny things on his phone.

We talk before class, and in between. But at lunch, when she gets to choose…

She sits with Seth.

We have a Bio lab before lunch today. Ness accepted my offer to be her lab partner. We work well together. Just friends.

We're dissecting the reproductive organs of a flower in class. We get to sit up next to each other, on those high stools we have in lab. Our heads are pressed closed together, but not touching. We hover over the cutting board as she slices longways down the poor iris flower's penis. Yes— I know it's not _actually_ a penis, but the stamen's basic function is the same. And cutting it open is a little uncomfortable to watch. I make some lame joke about it having such a long schlong and she laughs. In fact, she blushes. She's beautiful. But she's Seth's.

I want to know whose schlong she's thinking about as her cheeks redden. Is it Seth's? Not sure if she would have seen his schlong yet. They don't seem to be all over each other the way most couples who are fucking normally are.

I hope it's mine. I doubt it though.

Maybe she's thinking about her Italian ex. I know for a fact that she's seen _his_ schlong.

Need to see the schlong in order to make the baby.

I'm being insensitive.

Her story about her baby was fucking sad. It made me sad for her and the whole fucked up situation. I don't really know how to deal with it though. I thought I was a mature kind of guy. But this is _way_ too adult for me. There aren't any words I can say to make her feel better and there isn't anything I can do. So, so far… still… I've said nothing and I've done nothing about her sad story.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anyhow? I don't think I actually supposed to _do_ anything. I think I'm just supposed to _know_. To be _that_ person. The one who knows. So that at least one person does. It must be hard to keep that kind of shit bottled up alone. I guess at least, if I ever see her having a bad day, I might know the reason.

I like being her confidant. Me. Even if I have to do it without getting to hold her the way I'd like to.

Which is naked BTW.

But she's Seth's. And that kiss we shared at Paul's party was a delicious mistake that keeps haunting my dreams. That kiss was a mistake and nothing happened.

We're just friends. She's Seth's.

When the bell goes, I tell her to take off. "I'll finish cleaning up."

"Are you sure?" she asks, not stopping her tidying.

I take the tweezers and blade from her hand. "Yeah, you go find Seth." Our fingers brush and my hand is alight from the contact. She's rubbing that little spot on her knuckles where our skin just touched. She felt it too.

"Oh. Ok. I'll see you in Spanish?" she shrugs, hefting her backpack over her shoulder and tossing her long braid over the other.

"Os guardaré un asiento" I say back, telling her I'll save her a seat next to me. I always do.

"Well done!" her smile is genuine and warm and I just want to kiss her. "You don't need my help Jake."

I don't. Especially _now, now _that I have the right motivation. Her. "You're just a good teacher," I smile.

She shrugs, scoffing, playfully making a kind of dismissive self-effacing sound. I see a hint of a blush as she turns and head out the door leaving me breathing in her warm spice smell and standing with a wax tray strewn with the dismembered parts of the flowers reproductive anatomy.

It doesn't take me long to clean up and today at lunch, I finally get a chance to hang out with Embry for more than a millisecond. He's been busy with his Video Game Club the last few days. We meet up in the lunch line and sit down together before anyone else is at our table.

I do the customary shoulder check to the corner table. Yep. Ness is siting with Seth. In fact I think half the sophomore male population is buzzing around her and a good portion of the girls. She's turning out to be quite the social butterfly with the sophomores, the juniors _and_ the seniors. Our eyes meet for the briefest of movements, she looks frustrated by all male the attention though. She's still the new shiny toy. She gives me exaggerated 'help me' eyes. Her lips pouting in to a defenseless drop. She's not defenseless. She's the strongest person I've ever met. The most open hearted, unguarded, sincere people I've met. She's my friend and I think I'm hers.

These are the games we play. Entire conversations by looks only. Across the cafeteria. Across the class room. Across the field as she watches Seth practice in my spot_. Fucking hand_.

I am her confidant, her friend.

I smile back at her and give her a 'you choose to sit there and wear that billowy dress, showing off those amazing legs' look. Oh shit. Those legs. She's Seth's. Seth. Seth. Seth. What does she want me to do? I can't go over and _save _her. What would I be saving her from? Her _boyfriend_ and _his_ friends? Yeah. I can't do anything about the buzzing sophomores.

I'm brought back to the table I'm _actually_ sitting at, by the soft, slightly disapproving tone of my oldest friend.

"Not sure about this short hair Jake," he says. His eyebrows flick to the hewn lengths that I've kind of spiked up with gel today.

I've been waiting for it. Embry hasn't said a thing about my crop the few times I have had a chance to speak to him the last two days at school. Everyone else went ape-shit. Including my dad. But not Embry. He's said nothing. I think I should have told him or texted him or something _before_ I rocked up like this to school.

His mom always kept his hair short when we were kids. And in the seventh grade he decided he wanted to grow his long too. I guess to be like me. I don't know. But it's just getting over his shoulders now and he's all into the heritage of keeping it long for spiritual strength, like he's some kind of tribal spiritual warrior. I think he feels I went AWOL on him.

"Yeah, well… I'm not too sure about it either. Kind of regret it. But it's done, so… yeah," I shrug, trying to down play the fact that I may have cried in my pillow again Monday night. Also forcing myself to not turn around again and get another glimpse of those legs.

"So, Bella's getting married," he says without preamble. Embry is never one for beating about the bush.

"How did you find out about that?" I ask. My head whipping up from the mac 'n' cheese I'm pushing around my plate.

"Seth," he says. My immediate reaction is to look over to him. To them. Did she tell him? Because that's fucked up if she did. That was _not_ her secret to tell.

"I think Charlie was talking to Sue and I guess Sue told Seth," he reasons. "How did _you_ find out?" he asks. Not much gets past Emb, it must be obvious that I already knew and I thought it was secret.

"Bella told me."

"She called you?" he asks, surprised. He knows Bella has only contacted me that one time, to text me she was in Pullman. Which turns out, was only for that _one_ night.

I give my head a pitiful little shake. "I called her Sunday night, _before_ I cut my hair," I add dryly. "And she told me to keep it a secret and I told her she had to tell Charlie."

"Tell Charlie what?" Paul asks, butting in and dropping his tray on the table loudly as he sits.

"Bella Swan is getting married," Embry says.

Shut the fuck up Emb! Don't tell Lahote. He already gives me enough shit over my hand. Don't give him any more ammo. I convey all this with my eyes. I see the 'sorry' conveyed back. Too late, I think, the asshole already knows.

"Your Bella?" he asks, that fucking trademark smirk of his forming.

She's not _my_ Bella any more.

"She's getting married?" he asks me as if I'm going to elaborate. I'm not.

"Who to? Cullen?" he continues, a little too loudly. The magnitude of the scandal somehow makes him increase the volume button. At the sound of her surname being almost shouted across the cafeteria I see Ness turn towards our table. As a matter of fact, I think the majority of the school is.

"Shut up Paul." I say very quietly through gritted teeth, my eyes blazing death rays at him.

"What's the matter Black? You got your rag on? You've been a fucking emo pussy the last few weeks. Is this why? Thought it was just your jerking-off injury. But I guess you've been de-nutted too," he sniggers. "Has she been two timing you this whole time or did she just drop your ass the minute he came home?"

I don't answer him and he doesn't wait for one. He's just _Paul_—talking without thinking, again. Saying the first thing that he thinks, regardless of the people or friends who happen to be in the way of him.

"Fucking Cullen," he says under his breath, laughing to himself. Then he gets half up on his seat, yelling over to one of the other guys on the Varsity offensive team, Jared. "Hey Cameron!" he calls. "Did you hear Bella Swan is getting married? To Cullen. Not the big one who got drafted, the skinny one!" he laughs the last few words.

I like Paul. Honestly I do. I'm QB, he's my running back. We have to get along. But the fucker has no filter. No sense of propriety. It can be a shit load of fun. So long as the fun's not direct at you. And today it is. And it's not fun. And I don't think he could have done it in a more public forum. He's pressed one too many of my buttons. I don't like being quite so publicity humiliated. This whole thing is humiliating enough without him rubbing it in my face.

"Fucking shut it Paul! For fuck's sake?" I say standing up loudly, my chair scrapes back and the table grates forwards as I rise aggressively. Lahote loses a little balance from his monkey position where he's leaning on the table and lands on the floor, his ass in the air, his knees still on the chair. Good. Fucker doesn't know when to stop.

"Be fucking happy my hand is broke Lahote or I would have punched your lights out by now." I say before staking off, kicking a chair on my way out the room. If we have an audience of 400 kids, then I may as well put on a good show.

My eyes meet Nessie's as I charge out. If I ever needed my friend, I need her now. But instead of communicating this with my eyes. I give her a look of contempt, as if it's her fault she has the same last name as the fucker. It's not, and we both know it. I'm just being a touchy emo bitch who doesn't like being publicly ridiculed by his peers. Intentionally or not. She looks like she wants to run after me. I see her lift off her chair, stopping and turning to Seth as he places a soft preventive hand on her arm. I look away as I exit, but not before I see a moment of indecision from her, her shoulders slumping as she sits back down. Next to Seth.

I told her that kiss on Friday was a mistake and to just pretend it didn't happen. She's doing just that. I only have myself to blame if she doesn't come to encourage and boost me like she's done every other single time I've seen her.

I realize as I leave the cafeteria and my temper starts to quickly simmer down, that it is _unacceptable_ for me to _not_ be Renesmee's friend. I wish she'd followed me out of the room. I need someone to talk to about all this shit. She make everything easier to handle. She makes me a better person. The more I think about it, the more ensconced in my life she's becoming. Of how much better she makes my day. Like, right now, if she had been sitting with me and not Seth; if she'd been by my side, I think would have been okay with Paul's shit. She makes things okay for me. If she was sitting next to _me_ and not Seth, then maybe I wouldn't have made a giant ass of myself just now. Instead I'm skulking down the corridors of building two alone.

I'm trying so hard to not care about Bella anymore, and Ness makes it so much easier for me, even if she can only be my friend. But I want to be more than her friend. I want to so, so, so much more than her friend. _Do_ so, so, so much _more _than 'just friends' do together_._ But I can't; because she's Seth's. She sat with him.

So, being the pining touchy emo bitch I am, I storm out of the school and into my car.

And I ditch the rest of the afternoon.

So much for my aim of perfect attendance.

And that kiss _definitely_ happened.

* * *

.o*O*o.

* * *

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since we cut each other's hair. Twelve days since we had our first Biology lab. Eleven days since we dissected the sexual reproductive organs of a flower. Ten excruciating days since I realized I had a more than just a massive crush on her.

Like… I can't get this girl out of my head. I close my eyes and she's there, smiling at me in my dreams. I breathe and I can smell her woodsy, raw, nutty smell. It's exotic and mysterious. And I want to drown myself in it… in her.

But the best I can do right now is friendship. But what a fulfilling and organic friendship it's turning in to. Ness just gets me. And I get her. We get each other without any real effort.

She says we must be kindred spirits. I tend to agree. But I'm also _so_ fucking grateful that she's not _actually_ my kin. I guy should never have the kind of thoughts that I have for Ness if she was family. Which she's not. I know this because of the shirt she has on today. It's a button up; and the second top button came undone sometime between first and third period. I noticed in Spanish, but I never said anything. I just stole a few very pleasing peeks. I can vouch for the paleness of her skin. No Quileute in her what-so-ever, definitely not kin. And her boobs are huge.

But were nothing more than friends right now. The morning after I stormed out of lunch, all it took was a quick 'Hi' form her and an inquiry into how I was and whoosh… we were easy friends still.

The kind of easy friend who is tortuously designated to the sidelines, watching from afar, Biology partner, sits behind me in AP stats and I give her my answers and then she returns the favor to help me in AP Spanish, I know her deepest darkest, most heartbreaking of secret kind of… Friendship.

We've both been continuing to act as if that that kiss never happened, it was a mistake and it… never... happened.

We can't be more than friends.

Cause she's Seth's.

But it did happen.

When I say we have an _organic_ friendship, I mean; natural, pure, and completely unforced. We talk a fair bit, Nessie and me.

Actually, we talk _a lot._

We talk most mornings before school.

_Always_ before class.

Some times _afer _school.

Occasionally on the weekends. (and that's even on the rise too.)

We talk most mornings before school because, after that first day I saw her skating to school, it's become a habit of mine to find her, pull over on the side of the road and give her a lift the rest of the way. I tried to get her to let me pick her up. But she won't hear of it. So most mornings I see her lone figure skating along the road. I pull over and she gets in. And we talk. And in the confines of my car I can smell her warm spicy tang for the rest of the day. She gets in my head; swimming around until she's all I can think about.

I've picked her up once after her ballet classes at the community hall where she teaches Saturday mornings. I had to come into town to get something for dad and she just happened to be needing a lift to Seth's place. I was a little early so I went into the hall. And I watched this beautiful elfin princess showing all these little seven year old princesses how stand in third position. We talked the entire half hour journey back to La Push. My car smelt like a rich, earthy, honey like goddess for the rest of the weekend.

Another time I went with her and Seth to have a look at some second hand cars. They were all duds. I won't let her get anything substandard. We talked, but Seth was there and she talked to him too. But they don't talk as good as me and her do. And that time, all I could smell was Seth's Axe body spray.

We have so many classes' together. It's fantastic. If we don't sit together then we're only a desk or two apart. And we talk. And I smell her.

I have football practice after school most days. Sometimes I see her by her locker before she goes home. When I do, we talk, I smell her and I'm late to practice.

We talk. And I secretly smell. It's what we do.

We talk about pretty much anything and everything. Nothing false or put- on. And when I say everything, I mean _everything_. Well… everything except for three things.

We never talk about Seth and we don't talk about Bella. And that kiss at Pauls party? That still never happened. But it did happen. I can't stop thinking about it. But we don't talk about it. But everything else… everything else is fair game.

I know her favorite color is red. The color of cherries. She lost her virginity to her friend Nahuel at the age of 14. Yes, her gay friend and yes 14. Apparently they do things differently in Europe. Apparently he was still undecided on his persuasion and wanted to know before he went off to college. Ness wanted to get the V card out of the way. So they just did it. It was a dud apparently. The deed was accomplished, but he decided that yes, he was gay and Ness was sure she didn't have any romantic feeling for her bestie.

She talks to her ex, Luca every few days, or at least a Facebook message. I guess after you have a baby together… and it dies, that person stays a big part of your life. She says he has a girlfriend now. Ness says she's okay with that. I believe her. She says they are just friends. They were in never in love to begin with. It was only Angelus that kept them together.

She talks about him a little bit. I guess I'm the only person she _can_ talk to about him. She showed me his ultra should picture. A well-worn, dog-eared piece of gloss paper. A black and white silhouette of a little noes and a hand, and some toes. She says she has some real pictures of him, after he was born, dressed in clothes… before he died.

She hasn't showed me them yet.

I've been to her house once. Yesterday. I didn't go to practice because I had a doctor's appointment about my hand after school. So she agreed to let me drop her home. I did. Her aunty Esme made us an afternoon snack. Ice tea and sandwiches. They weren't fucking bologna either. Oh, and a hand full of cherries. Her favourite food is cherries. She smells like cherries up close too.

I like what she's done with her bedroom. It's an eclectic culmination of her mismatched life. And, my god, does it smell like her. She has little Baltic dolls on her book shelf. A ballet poster behind the door. A small stereo system sits on the shelf below the flat screen TV. But the main thing in her room;. Is books. A part from a small space for the nick-knacks. Her four level bookshelf is full. And not of the small, soft covers of novels. It's full of reference materials. Texts and workbooks, hard bound and full of the knowledge that make you fluent in four languages and excelling in AP chemistry. She has a study desk now too. It's neat and ordered. And full of more text books and note pads, articles printed out on some interesting medical thing. When I ask her about it, she just shrugs and says she finds it fascinating. She just likes learning. She's gunna make a good doctor one day.

Her mother is a hot shot lawyer, defending the hard done by's of the world and prosecuting the wicked antagonists for a global humanitarian organisation. Her father's the same. Only, he's a doctor. Treating the sick and injured pro-bono in war-torn countries. I was a little wrong about the rich charmed life. They may have some money, but she's seen some shit.

It hasn't taken long for Renesmee to take over the role that Bella used to have. My friend. A girl, who is my friend. It's important to make the distinction. Cause as much as I talk to Emb and sometimes Quill, it's not the same as talking to a chick. You can tell them stuff without the fear of being called a pussy every two minutes.

The give and take Ness and I seem to have going is so natural. If fact, I'd suffice to say that our friendship is more even and fluid that what I had with Bella. It's like Ness and I have been friends for all of our lives. It's that easy to be with her. There is nothing forced or awkward about it. At the risk of sounding like a pussy, I'd even go as far to as to say that we complement each other. She balances me out. She is that little angel on my shoulder, talking me off the ledge of my own tendency to catastrophize. Or encouraging me to seek out my dreams and not to sell myself short. Or she's that little voice on my shoulder that tells me out right, that I'm a fucking idiot.

Which she did last night…

We were talking on the phone. I was just lying on my bed, tearing into the baloney sandwich I'd just made when I told her what the doctor had said after my x-ray.

I'm still gunna play tomorrow. I'm telling coach I'm cleared.

I'm not.

Doc wants me to give it another two weeks before I play, let alone play without the brace. I'm going to neglect to tell coach this.

She called me a fucking idiot. Maybe I am.

I've fallen in love with an unavailable girl after all.

I must be an idiot.

* * *

**Well, Jake is smitten ladies and gentleman. Now we play the waiting game. How long do you all think it'll take before someone clicks?**

**Hope you enjoyed :-D**

**M**


	18. Chapter 18 -Starting Line

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's… **_

_**The give and take Ness and I seem to have is so natural. In fact, I'd suffice to say that our friendship is more even and fluid that what I had with Bella. It's like Ness and I have been friends for all of our lives. It's that easy to be with her. There is nothing forced or awkward about it. At the risk of sounding like a pussy, I'd even go as far to as to say that we complement each other. She balances me out. She is that little angel on my shoulder, talking me off the ledge of my own tendency to catastrophize. Or encouraging me to seek out my dreams and not to sell myself short. Or she's that little voice on my shoulder that tells me out right, that I'm a fucking idiot. **_

_**Which she did last night… **_

_**We were talking on the phone. I was just lying on my bed, tearing into the baloney sandwich I'd just made when I told her what the doctor had said after my x-ray. **_

_**I'm still gunna play tomorrow. I'm telling coach I'm cleared. **_

_**I'm not. **_

_**Doc wants me to give it another two weeks before I play, let alone play without the brace. I'm going to neglect to tell coach this.**_

_**She called me a fucking idiot. **_

_**Maybe I am. **_

_**I've fallen in love with an unavailable girl after all.**_

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Starting line.**

It's Friday night. The first game of the season. I'm starting. I'm going to take off my brace to play.

I know I shouldn't, but the only other option is letting Seth start. I love the guy, I do. But he's got the girl, he's not getting my starting QB spot.

So I bend the truth.

And I'm starting.

We have a pep rally on tonight. I never got around to talking to coach about _not_ being captain, so…I'm captain. It's not like I have a social life to take up my time. So I may as well wear the 'C' badge too.

I'm here, and I'm getting into it with all the crowd. The cheerleaders have made us learn this dance with them. About half way through one of their traditional sets the music comes to a screeching halt and the Black Eyed Peas come on loud over the speaker system. And out we come. The Varsity team. We pair up with a cheerleader and we do the dance we've practiced. It's pretty good. Better than what we did the first rally of the season last year. We spin the girls around our backs and there is a little bit of suggestiveness. My cheerleader, Lizzy is all kinds of all right. But she's too tanned, her eyes are blue and her strawberry blond hair is the wrong colour. She's not Ness.

Tyler and Paul do a couple of summersaults across the gym and the school goes crazy for it. The girls bring themselves into a pyramid and Lizzy is at the top. She's doing an arabesque and I'm reminded of that night in Seth's family room. Of the photos on my phone that I still look at—nightly.

I know Ness is somewhere in the crowd. She told me she's coming. So when half the offensive team circle around me and lift me up like we'd practiced, I'm thinking of her and I'm tempted to do an arabesque while I'm up there. But we didn't practice that and I don't want to break anything else, so I stay just standing on both feet, fist pumping the air, sans brace. Just being up here, above the heads of my team, the cheerleaders doing their thing, me living up to all that's expected of QB1 captain, the crowd goes ballistic. It's pretty fucking awesome. And I forget about everything for a while. I get into the school spirit and I get my head into this game we're about to play. The guys lower me back to the ground and the music stops, the dancing is over.

Coach comes out with the microphone and it's time to hand out the letters and introduce the Varsity team. A couple of last year's sophomores get their big 'F' patch, as expected. And so does one of this year's sophomore—Seth. I should have known this was coming. He's good. Coach thinks he might have to fill in for me if my hand doesn't hold up, so he's been training with us. He fucking deserves it. But if I have anything to do with it, I'll be still playing, even if my hand is bent back at an unnatural angle. I'm happy for him. I am. I just don't want him to take my spot. Totally pretending my hand doesn't hurt, I smile and shake his hand as he walks past me. I really am proud of my little brother from another mother.

Eventually it's my turn. I'm last up. I get my captain pin. Coach fastens it to my letterman jacket I'm already wearing. I got my big "F" sophomore year too. It's pretty cool. I'm kind of glad I never got to talk to coach about ditching the captaincy now. I like the bling. And my jersey's got the captain's C on it too.

Coach gives the crowd a little more pepping and we all join in clapping while the drill team do the last number and then we head out. Over to the locker rooms to get ready for the whole reason we're here. To play football.

* * *

We're about eleven minutes into the first quarter, just trying to hold out before the buzzer, when it all goes down. My rushing touchdown, that is. And the re-breaking of my hand. And the good mood I was in.

I read the play wrong. Totally. And Lahote is sacked before I have a chance to look for him. But to the left of him—and the three guys piled on top of him—the defensive line has left the far part of the end zone wide open. So I rush those eight feet. It's freaking amazing. I take an air born dive over the scrummage and land into a roll… over the line. And onto my unbraced hand. _Fuck me— it fucking hurts._

I'm surrounded by the guys in seconds. It's great. It's an epic touchdown right on the buzzer. I'm a hero. Yada yada yada.

Ness was right. I'm a fucking idiot. And now my hand is fucked.

I'm forcing a smile as we walk over for a huddle on the sideline, but Embry, who's still coming off the field, sees the grimace behind it. He fucking throws me right into the shit by asking how my hand feels in front of Coach.

"It's ok," I say tucking it behind my back.

"Black. Show me your hand," Coach orders.

Reluctantly, I hold it out for him to see. The swelling is already apparent. And when he touches it, I can't hold back the flinch. Fuck!

"Clearwater!" he screams. "You're on!" he yells at Seth over his shoulder. Seth is standing by the fence, leaning over the railing talking to Ness. He stands to attention instantly, clipping his helmet on and jogging over.

"Black, you're done for the night. Good rush. Go get some ice onto that."

"Yes coach," I mumble. Flicking the straps off my helmet and letting it hang heavily off my good arm.

I sit down on one of the far benches for a minute to watch the PAT. We're up seven points now.

I don't talk to anyone in the break, I'm not feeling the team spirit anymore. I fucked my hand… again, I've basically handed Seth my spot and to top it off, he's still got the girl. I saw her briefly before the game, she looks beautiful tonight. She has this flowing skirt on just above the knee. A tank top that is scooping dangerously low over her chest is tucked in to a wide belt that makes her waist look tiny and her tits look huge. Oh… and those legs... She's doesn't wear skirts nearly enough if you ask me. She's in school colours. But there is nothing adolescent about that outfit. The fabric pulls into her little waist and stretches over her boobs in all the right ways. Just that hint of cleavage and titanic swell of breast was lifting above the material. Oh man she's beautiful.

Just thinking about her makes me hard. It's not a healthy obsession I have going on. And I can _never_ forget that she's Seth's. I have to constantly curb my desires and affections. We're nothing more than friends. Best of friends who, in a few short weeks seem to know each other inside-out and back-to-front. I'm pretty sure she knows everything about me… except my true feelings for her.

I'm just about at the end of my tether, I can't fight the feelings any more. And I don't really care if it's unhealthy. So long as I keep it under wraps, and my hands to myself, I'm going to let myself dream as much as I like. As I sit here now, looking out over the field, staring over the grass, I see nothing but Ness in my mind's eye. What it would be life is she _wasn't_ Seth's. What it would be like if she was mine.

* * *

I hear the gate open and close behind me. I can feel her energy soothing over my back as she approaches. "Here," she says coming to sit next to me. My friend. We normally sit a healthy foot apart. But not tonight, tonight she sits with our outer thighs touching and I reflexively shift my leg and press further into her, our calves brushing together now too. I can't help but steal the contact while I can. Unhealthy, but I don't care. I inhale deep and long and fill my lungs with that warmth that gives me hope. She shouldn't be inside the fence line, but all eyes are on the field. No one cares that one chick is sitting field side next to the inured QB. She takes my hand and lays a bag of ice gently on my knuckles, placing my hand on her leg. The bag is cold and the weight is uncomfortable but my fingers brush against the soft skin of her thigh and that well and truly overrides the sting. I know it's exactly what I need. She's doing it again. Looking after me.

It's so hard being _just_ her friend.

I'm silent as we watch the game go on. She leans over, twisted in her seat as she wraps an arm around me. "Hey. Are you ok?" she asks, pushing back a stray wisp of my hair. My eyes close and I allow myself the contentment of simply enjoying her hands on me. It's a pleasure I know I'll regret allowing myself, in about five minutes. But right now. I need something nice.

I nod my ok-ness, keeping my eyes closed. My hand is throbbing. I hope I haven't just taken myself out for the entire season. Yet all I can think about is how much I want to wrap my arms around the woman next to me. But I can't.

Because she's Seth's.

"Does it feel broken?" she asks quietly, her eyes searching over my face as I look out to the game.

I shrug. "I don't know. It hurts. Maybe. I hope not." I feel defeated. So much of this year is fucked up. Even what should be the play of the season will probably end up being the play that fucks up my season.

I'm looking out to the 40 yard line as the whistle blows and the offensive team takes the field for the second quarter. As _Seth_ takes the field...in my place. He's got the girl _and_ my spot.

Great. Just. Fucking. Great.

"It was a good dive. It looked really impressive," she says lightly, trying to boost me and draw me out of this funk I'm in.

My friend.

I laugh an idle chuckle through my nose. She always gives me what I need.

Ness leans in to me a little more, her little arm stretching to tuck my padded shoulder under hers. She smells like spice and apricots tonight. I breathe deeply again and fill myself with her scent again, this time getting a really good dose of her. Her other hand, the one that isn't around my shoulder reaches up and her fingertips trace back and forwards along my jaw. The sensation sends a shiver over me, my eyes close so I can really focus on the feeling of her fingers on me. My skin tingles across my face and over my shoulders, it ripples down my back and through my gut. Straight to the little guy that does all the thinking.

"You looked impressive Jake. You _are_ impressive." Her fingertips have moved up to my lips and she's ever so lightly tracing over them. I lean into her and rest my forehead against hers.

"Ness," I whisper. A warning in my tone. She's Seth's. As much as I desperately want this. We can't.

"Why Jake?" she asks sounding frustrated and hurt as she pulls back for me, "She's gone. She's left. She's not coming back. You have to move on."

"What are you talking about?" I ask sitting up straight and her arms drop to her lap.

"Bella. She's gone. And I'm _here," _she says with heat, pointing to herself.

"What?" I ask. I'm totally distracted by her ramblings about Bella. Why does she think I'm still hung up on Bella? "I think more to the point… is Seth. What about _Seth_?" I ask her, my eyes tunnelling into hers.

"What?" she asks sounding just a confused as I am.

"Seth."

"Why would you care about Seth?"

"Are you kidding me?" I stand up now, moving over to the gate and closer to the locker rooms.

She follows me, tripping a bit as she moves over the bench in her hast. "Jake!" she calls out, jogging up as I storm away. "Jake!"

"I'm not doing this to him Ness. I'm not." I spit over my shoulder.

"Do what? What are you taking about?"

She's followed me into the building and I stop and turn around before entering the boys. "Quit it Ness. He's like my brother. I'm not doing this." I turn and open the door. I can hear her moving behind me. "Don't follow me Ness. Go back to your boyfriend."

* * *

**OOOH, a cliff for you all. Sorry (Not really) **

**My Beta, **_**Aretee**_** did a great job for me on this chapter. We don't do pep-rallies in Australia so the concept was a little foreign for me, as too anything to do with American football. So thanks L. Incidentally, she has a great new story right now called 'Be like That'. If you're after a good read, check it out. (blatant plug)**

**I know this was just a short chapter, but if you're good, I'll do my best to update twice next week... But only if you're good.**

**Thanks so much for all the great reviews last week. Sorry if I didn't get back to you all (know that I replied inside my head at least.) I can't believe this little ditty is almost at 200 reviews. How cool is that?!**

**Thanks guys, hope you keep on enjoying and that you're starting to get a little of the angst relief.**

**Ciao amigos. Marina**


	19. Chapter19 Broken Hands and Mended Hearts

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's...**_

"_**I think more to the point… is Seth. What about Seth?" I ask her, my eyes tunneling into hers.**_

_**"What?" she asks sounding just a confused as I am.**_

_**"Seth."**_

_**"Why would you care about Seth?"**_

_**"Are you kidding me?" I stand up now, moving over to the gate and closer to the locker rooms.**_

_**She follows me, tripping a bit as she moves over the bench in her hast. "Jake!" she calls out, jogging up as I storm away. "Jake!"**_

_**"I'm not doing this to him Ness. I'm not." I spit over my shoulder.**_

_**"Do what? What are you taking about?"**_

_**She's followed me into the building and I stop and turn around before entering the boys. "Quit it Ness. He's like my brother. I'm not doing this." I turn and open the door. I can hear her moving behind me. "Don't follow me Ness. Go back to your boyfriend."**_

* * *

**Thank me later folks... (as in the review box at the end of the chapter.)**_**  
**_

** Aretee... I'll thank you now.**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Broken Hands and Mended Hearts**

Well, that was my first fight with Ness. Quite dramatic by all accounts.

Fuck.

I can't believe she could just dismiss whatever it is that she and Seth have, and so easily. If I'm being brutally honest with myself it's flattering. Her liking me more than him. But my ethical thinking brain won't let the base impulses overcome the moral compass. Can't she see how much of a betrayal us doing something or _anything_ together would be to him?

She's making it really hard to stay in this friend zone.

I stomp into the locker room, struggling to get my shoulder pads off. My hand is really throbbing now, but I manage to get the buckles undone and strip off. I'm supposed to just change, get some ice for my hand and go back out. But this near kiss from Ness has thrown me. There is nothing else I want more right now that to kiss that girl. But I want to scream her lack of loyalty to Seth too.

I need a shower.

I stand under the hot water. My eyes are closed, I turn the water up as hard and as hot as I can get it and it pelts across my shoulders. It doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm pissed at Ness. I am. But right now, I'm even more pissed off at my traitorous body that's still sporting a boner from the way she touched my face. Her finger tips were so soft and warm, and I think I can still feel the zing her tracing touch left behind.

She really is so beautiful. And for the first time, in…forever. I allow myself the luxury to think she might actually feel something for me in return. But even if she does. She's with Seth. And I'm not going to do that to him. I won't be one of those guys. Even if they break up, there has to be a huge timeframe between her and him; and her and me.

Huge.

I start to soap up and I'm in two minds how to deal with the massive woody I've got going on. Putting aside my indecision for the moment I realise that I can't hide out in the locker rooms all night. I'm Captain. I need to get back to the team. I need _it_ gone, ASAP. But the question is, do I let it _deflate_ on its own? Or take matters into my own hands. Not sure which'll be quicker. If we had gang showers, there's no way I'd consider it. But I feel safe behind this half-height wall. My soapy hand makes its way over my chest and abs, and a sneaky little swipe of the little J, and my decision's been made. Soaping up it is. It's not like I've never relived a Ness induced boner before, it's basically a daily occurrence these days.

"What do you mean by _boyfriend_?"

I let out a very emasculating squeal, turning around to see Ness standing the other side of that half wall. Her eyes closed, her hand holding out a fresh white towel.

'"Fuck Ness! Do you mind?" I squeal-yell, my hands instinctively moving to cover my junk.

"Yes, I do mind. I have my eyes closed. Now, tell me. What do you mean, '_my boyfriend'_?"

"Seth," I say rinsing off the soap and silently begging my dick to go to sleep.

"When have I ever given you the impression that I'm dating Seth?"

"What do you mean? Um… like… All the time," I retort, turning off the water and taking the towel from her hands. "Thanks. You guys are always sitting with your heads together. The sexy dancing that night. You sit with him at lunch."

"I talk to you more than I talk to him, and _we're _not dating. I danced with you that night, just as much, just as close… closer, I think. And _you're_ not _my_ boyfriend. And I sit with Seth, for _one_ hour a day, because he needs the friend more than you do Jake." She has her eyes closed but I can see the anger she's gunna have behind the lids.

"Well what do you call the kissing then Ness? I bet _he_ thinks you're dating."

"What?" she asks. Stopping dead in her tracks, her eyes opening to look at me. Or at least at the top half of me that she can see above the partition. I'm not coming out of the stall with nothing but a little towel to hide my stiffy.

"The kissing." I repeat as if it's obvious.

Her face contorts into a confused, scrunched up kind of repulsion. "I haven't kissed Seth?"

"Well _Seth_ says you have." The misgivings of her statement is laced through my words.

"HE WHAT?!" she screeches, moving forward, her hand braced on the top of the wall. She's so short that without bending, she could rest her chin on the top tile comfortably.

"That first week you arrived. When we went to the movies. He told Quill that he'd kissed you.

"He told Quill?" she asks like a parrot, simply repeating my words in confusion. Then her eyes search around the room as she appears to think, finally landing on me and her face morphs into a pissed off irritation, her eyes narrowing as they un-focus and look beyond. "That little fucker," she mumbles to herself.

She looks directly at me now, her conviction and focus solely on me. Her eyes tunnel into mine, willing me to comprehend, "I'm not dating Seth. I have _never_ dated Seth and I never will."

"Does _Seth _know this?" I ask acting as my friend's protector and still hiding my boner behind the wall.

"YES he know it! He doesn't even have a crush on _me _Jake!" her eyes widening was she speaks.

"Then why would he make up that you're dating?"

"As a diversion," she states blandly, sucking in a deep breath and releasing it with a sigh.

"A diversion from what?" I ask.

She rubs her face with her hands, peaking out at me over her fingertips. "You have no clue do you?"

"No clue about what?" Obviously, I'm clueless.

She seems to hold her breath for a few seconds, then lets out another sigh after a few more. "About Seth."

"What about him Ness?"

"If you and me Jake. If we… got together," she hesitates. The idea of her and I together still does little to help my problem behind the towel. "If we dated, it might upset Seth a little. But it wouldn't be because of _me_," she says carefully, her words long and well enunciated.

I don't get it.

"He might be upset _at_ me, because I'd be dating _you_." Again she's articulating slowly; and slowly, I feel the pieces falling into place. "I had no idea he's told you all we were dating," she swears, "and I'm gunna have a few words with the little shit about that later."

"Because of _me_?" I say, not following the last thing she's said. My brain is still stuck, like one of my dad's old vinyl records when the needle gets to the center. Around and around. '_I'd be dating_ _you…I'd be dating you_…_I'd be dating YOU_.' Like it's an actual possibility. Like… she like-like's me. Not Seth. Around and around; she likes me, she likes me; She. Likes. _ME_. I must have a goofy smile on my face, I can't contain it.

But my mind's caught also on a second loop, the B side; The _Seth_ side. He never kissed her. He'd be upset at _her_ if we dated. All this keeps me coming to one conclusion. But it doesn't compute. He's like my brother. How do I not know this? I don't care. But how do I not know this?

"Jake. I think Seth has been in love with you since he was twelve. I think he's idolized you in some form or fashion _all_ his life."

"Seth's in love with me?" What is this crazy world? I have no clue how I've missed this fact.

"Yeah."

"But he's with you?"

"No, he's not."

"You're Seth's. That's why I can't ever be more than just your friend." I feel a little numb inside. Stupefied by how grossly I've misinterpreted things.

"I have wanted to be more than your friend, Jacob Black, since that day you charged into my bathroom, punching my vanity in nothing more than a towel and a soaking pair of boardies." Her voice is deeper than I've ever heard it. It's breathy and seductive and I want to kiss her so bad right now.

This little admission of hers is like a whiff of smelling salts. Restoring and alerting me… setting me alight. "You want to be more than friends?'

She pushes off from where she has been leaning against the partition. And slowly, one foot crossing in front of the other, her hands walking over the square white tiles of the partition, she approaches. "Yes. From the moment I touched your broken hand and I felt it all the way through to my soul. Even when you were so broken over _her. _ I wanted so badly to fix it for you Jacob. To show you just how worthy of love you are."

"So you're not Seth's."

"No."

"Seth's gay?" I need to confirm her single status.

She smirks a little at me, a pleased look glinting in her eye. "Yes."

"You never dated him?"

"No Jake. The only feelings he has for me are purely platonic."

"But not platonic for me?"

"No. Not for you."

"And you want to be more than my friend?'

"Yes. Yes Jake. I want to be much more than your friend."

My breath punches out of my lungs. Like I've just been whacked in the gut with the best news of my entire life. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes."

So I do.

My lips meet hers hastily, my good hand pulling her face into mine and I kiss her. My lips moulding around hers, moving and massaging. Our breath mingling.

She tastes like cherries too.

Her lips open slightly and I waste no time running my tongue along the inner rim of her lip. Licking all that cherry flavour off of them. I'm kissing Ness, and she's kissing me back. And she wants to be here. She never mixes my name up with someone else's. She's here and she's choosing me. Bella never chose me, not really.

She pulls away slightly, her body still pressed against me, her eyes looking up though the longest lashes I've ever seen, "So I just want to confirm," she starts hesitantly, "you're not still hung up on Bella?"

"Bella who?" I say, feigning confusion.

"And the only reason you haven't made another move since we kissed at that party is 'cause you thought I was already dating Seth?"

"Correct." I smile, shaking my head a little at the whole situations. It could be comical if it hadn't been so very frustrating.

She smiles one of her patented lottery wining smiles as her hands reach up and her arms wind around my neck and back. I can feel her breasts pressed against my chest, my gut is tight from the waves of excitement bubbling through us as my lungs are filled with her radiance.

She's worn her hair down tonight and my fingers tangle in the soft curls; they _are_ as soft as I'd imagined they would be. Suddenly, from this revelation, I'm allowed to dabble in those fantasies and imaginings.

I grab a handful of that wet-dream fantasy hair and use it to bring her lips in closer to mine. My mouth is hungry. Like it's been starved of her cherry lips for all these weeks and my life depends on receiving her nourishment.

I think she likes it from the soft moan she echoes in the back of my mouth. Her tongue enters and I suck it in deeper and return the favour. Running over the inner edge of her teeth, tickling the ridges on the roof of her mouth.

I let my hands wonder down into the dip of her waist and then to the small of her back. She curves under my fingers and I feel the familiar pull of the loins. I break off the kiss only to catch breath. She must have a better lung capacity than me because she never stops. She moves her lips along my jaw and down my neck. Her fingertips explore every rise and her lips trail in their wake. Her kisses send a shiver of desire over me and I press into her. No more hiding my need. I want her to feel what she does to me. What she's been doing to me for weeks.

"Oh my god Ness." I breathe as her hands filter downwards over my abs and make no attempt to stop.

"We," she breathes, her lips kissing over my bare chest. "Are," her tongue circling a nipple. "The dumbest," she moves to the other nipple. "People," her teeth grazing the little nub. "In the whole world," she mutters through her teeth, the sound vibrating my flesh in the cleverest of ways.

I couldn't agree more. How we haven't communicated; A) our feelings for each other and B) her lack of feelings for, _and_ lack of actually being with, Seth, is a mystery to me.

"The dumbest." I agree, my voice thick with want as I stoop down to consume her mouth again. Her body presses flush with mine. She's standing between my legs and her soft stomach is pressing into my rigid heat. It's only her shirt and my towel between us. I feel her hand lower and press through the towel, over my hard extension. It's a long flat, open handed stroke. Full of confidence and patience.

I don't show the same forbearance. As her hand starts to partially wrap around me, I make this growl kind of sound. Even to me, that's hot. My lips press harder in to hers, my hands falling into place over her hips and I walk her backwards. We leave the confines of the half stall and her back finds the metal of the end locker. Loudly. In nothing but a towel I have her pinned up against the metal. My hand that has been tangled in her hair slowly, tortiously, slides down the side of her neck, over the line of her clavicle and to the rise of her tits.

Her breath is accelerated, her chest heaving and pressed up. She raises up on to her toes, achieving two things; more pressure between our kiss and the lifting of her boobs into my hand. Like a lock and a key, they fit together. My hand and her tits. They're soft and round and a fair bit more than a hand full. That is _so_ all right by me.

We kiss a little longer, my mouth keeping sync with the kneading of my hand until she shifts back down on to flats and our lips part. My hand doesn't… it just lowers down with her boob.

"We can't Jake, not in here, and one of us has to talk to Seth first." Her hand lifts smooth against my chest. Her palm warm above my thumping heart. A symbolic gesture of stop and desist yet all the while, not wanting to breaking the skin contact.

"Yeah. Your right," I breathe, layering a stream of kisses down her soft throat. As much as I'd like to lift her up and have my way with her against Felix Voltolini's locker. She's right. We shouldn't, so we don't.

"Okay." I breathe a bit more, finally breaking lip to skin contact and fixing my towel a little more securely over the ramrod trying to uncloak itself. "Okay. You want to go talk to Seth after the game? Or you want me to?"

'Seriously?" she whines, her head angling to the side. A humored, sly grin is on her lips. Both of her hands slap lightly on my chest.

"What?"

"You're seriously giving up that easily?" she asks. Her tiny frame is dwarfed by me, but it doesn't damper her confidence. Ness is so much surer of herself… and of _us_, than _she_ ever was.

"But?"

"I say, 'we should stop,' and you just go, 'yeah ok'?"

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Because you're right." I say looking around the empty room. A few locker doors are open, shirts are hanging over corners and sneakers are strewn on the floor. It smells like Quil's ass in here—not that I know what Quil's ass smells like, but I think I can imagine.

"We're in the locker room. And I'm basically naked." I say as if she doesn't already know this. Her hands haven't stopped exploring me this whole time. Ness is so confident in her explorations. Assertive. _Her _hesitancy was all always a distraction. I like the self-assurance of _this_ woman. She knows what she wants. She knows _who_ she wants…Me.

"I'm so sick of being right," she exhales over my skin, lacing my fingers through hers and lifting our hands up and back over her breast, leaving my hand there to do as it pleases. She presses her little body into me, moving against the towel. "You don't _feel_ like you agree we should stop," she whispers.

Her lips brush against my neck, as she breezes warm, cherry scented air over me. My body is now moving of its own accord. My hips gently rock into her, in time to the gentle tweaking of her nipple through the lace and cotton. The metal behind her back squeaks with each press I make, keeping beat to our pursuits. Her face is buried against my neck and her tongue laves long heated strokes up my throat. It's incredibly fucking sexy.

Her fingers play at the edge of the towel over the bulge of my erection. "And there's no _basically_ about it Jake. You _are_ naked under the towel." Her petite hand strokes over my swaddled Little J, her assertive and skilled movements almost bringing me to my knees. Almost.

The air leaves my lungs and without realizing it, I've picked the tiny woman up and her legs are wrapped around me as I struggle to pull the neck of her shirt down over the swell of her breasts. I walk us a few steps over to a bench behind the main locker bank. It's a little more private, if someone was to, say… just come in, and just stand at the door. There is _no_ privacy however, if someone was to actually come _in_ the room; come in and see me standing almost naked with a girl wrapped around me. But at this point, I don't really care who sees. She's here. With her shirt pulled down, her bra on full display. With me. She's NOT Seth's.

She's mine.

My knees hit the wood of the bench and I stand her on it. She's taller than me like this and my face is buried in her cleavage in seconds. Her hands are running through my hair and down my back as my fingers pull the lace of her easily C cup down, exposing her fully. I can't believe we're doing this here, in the locker room during the 2nd quarter, but I don't dare stop us. She makes a little wanton sobbing sound as my lips wrap around a light pink bud. She is a delicious flavour of salt and nut and feminine musk. Drawing and sucking, my teeth grazing while all I want to do is bite. It's a little unsettling, this compulsion. So instead I shift, my hand pulling the other twin out and latching on. She pulls me in closer, my face buried like I'm bobbing for apples, only it's a tiny cherry, and it's being yielded into my mouth.

My hands both slide down her curves, tracing her hourglass figure. From the swell of her breasts to the dip of her waist to the swell of her hips again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I can feel the sharp sting of my knuckle and the fact that a football game is being played out side that door, but it's forgotten as my hands slip over that skirt and then back up and underneath. My fingers gliding along the soft flesh of her thighs around the silky material covering her ass. Nessie's ass. What I wouldn't give to be _inside_ those panties right now. I've wanted in to these pants for going on a month now. That sounds crass and debauched, I know. But I'm seventeen, give me break. But I do want to be in her pants, and then in _her_. I want her body against mine. Her lips, her tits, her legs and hands to be wrapped around me. One day soon, I hope.

She's quickly become by best friend and I want the potential of our friendship explored to its furthest extent. I want her to love me in the same way I'm realizing I love her. I want my heart to be in her hands. Because I can feel her essence fill my lungs and I can breathe. I breathe her in.

Her hands move to the sides of my face, lifting my lips off her chest and back on to her now bright red cherry mouth. I want my heart in her hands, but I'll settle for my face for now.

She's bent down to kiss me, her arms lean against the top of my shoulders and her hands cup around my face and along my jaw, tiny warm fingers scrape against my scalp.

My hands continue to smooth over the line of her ass in those panties, where the silk meets skin; back and forth, up and down, around and around. She is so round and feminine. Still under the skirt, they weave around to the front, my thumbs tracing the line between the little band of lace at the top and the soft skin of her hips. But then she freezes. Her stomach curling back as she pulls away.

"Oh God Jake. I'm sorry. But, we can't do this. Not here, not like this," she breathes pausing us in the position were in. We both rest against each other, panting and catching our breath for a few moments before she straightens, stuffing herself back into her bra and lifting up her now slightly stretched tank.

I stand upright, my hands dropping to their sides. I close my eyes and lean my head back as I desperately try to come back from that precipice I was just on. She jumps off the bench and grabs my shorts that are hanging off my locker door. "I'm sorry. I am _so_ sorry. You have _no_ idea," she moans wrapping her arms around me. A not so subtle press into my still huge erection giving me a pretty good idea of how sorry she is. Don't worry Ness. I get it… trust me. I get it.

I'm just standing there like an idiot as she flitters about, fixing herself up and leading me to my locker. "You're right. I was right. We can't do this, we can't just make out in here," she says coming to face me, her eyes looking up at me, trying to decide if I'm pissed, hurt, or just dazed by these last five or so minutes.

"I thought you were sick of being right," I ask, finally snapping out of my phallic induced waking coma and grabbing my boxers from the locker shelf. I'm not pissed or hurt. She's right. We can't do this. I mean, we _can, _technically. Shit, we a just did, but what she means and what I'm thinking, is that we _shouldn't._ And if I can just put my throbbing dick aside for the moment, I don't want to. Not here. Not like this. Not really.

"I am," she groans, "I want to be all sorts of wrong with you Jacob. But-" I don't let her finish. My lips are on her again. Her lips, her cheeks, her jaw. I stoop over and butterfly kisses down her throat as she lets out a small whimper.

"If we stop this now," I say, my tongue flicking playfully against her ear, "then I want a promise out of you that it's not over."

She smiles up at me and I'm struck by just how pretty her eyes are. They're not just that run-of-the-mill brown, they're lightened by those sunbursts of gold. Like the inner light of her is just bursting to fracture through, to show the world just how divine she is.

"Over?" she asks, a smile across her lips like she's just won a prize. "Jake, _this," _she gestures between the two of us, "this has just begun," she hums, her voice husky and rich, a single brow rising up in promise.

Her body leans into me until the tips of her breasts press against me and the tip of my cock is against her. "I may have had a little more experience in the ways of dating, but I'm no slut. I'm not a cock tease either."

I hazard a glance down to my still full mast boner as it tents out under the thin cotton checked shorts. Not a cock tease- my ass. Her line of sight must follow mine 'cause she lets out deep bellied laugh. "I'm really not,"' she laughs, "honest. I just got caught up. That's what you do to me, boy. It's what you've been doing to me for weeks."

"Weeks?' I ask. My teeth gripping my own lip in a smile as I try to hide my pleasure at her admission.

"Weeks," she assures, nodding. Our eyes are locked in a silent promise and our arms are holding one another. We stand there like that for what seems like an eternity. Lost in our own bubble. It's the least amount of talking we've ever done, yet the most that's ever been said.

I'm vaguely made aware of a roar of noise outside the building and the spell is broken. In fact it's shattered. I realize that, I am, in fact, standing in nothing more than boxer shorts, wrapped up in a girl that the entire populous of the school thinks is Seth's girlfriend. By the sound of the crowd and the time on the wall, I've missed almost the entire first half of the game. _My_ team's game. The team I'm supposed to be Captain for. Coach is gunna have my ass. And we are so caught if it's halftime.

"I think it's half time," I say, struggling to get my shorts on while hunched over so she won't see my boner. I don't know why I'm bothering to hide my junk. She just had her hand around it only two minutes ago. But I am. So I struggle to get my shorts on like Quasimodo. And she helps me by grabbing my crunched up shirt and turning it the right way round for me. She never stops helping me.

"Ness," I say as I pull my under shirt over my head, "if it's half time you gotta get out of here."

"Oh shit. Right. Yes. Ok." She says, pausing in front of me, looking up, a small, sad smile forming.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly, slipping my feet into my sneakers.

"I don't want to leave you right now. What I really want to do is hold your hand and walk out with you. But you're right. I have to talk to Seth and figure something out first." I nod my understanding. I feel the same.

"I'm gunna kill him by the way," she adds, she's even pretty when she's mad. "It won't be hard to be irritated with him and have a public break up. I'd really like to be consulted _before_ I agree to become someone's _beard."_

I can't help but let out a little laugh. Beard. It's funny. But I cut that laugh off so quick when she gives me that look. I don't want to incur the wrath of Ness.

"I can't believe I didn't know," I say pulling a fresh jersey over my head, steering the subject back to Seth and why she's angry with him and not me.

"You seriously had no inkling?" she asks as if she's known from the first day they met. She probably has. I grab her hand and we walk together the few feet to the closed but not locked door.

"Why would I? He talks about girls. He's dated girls. He hangs out with the guys. He plays football. He…" I pause, pulling away and rubbing my face with my hand. "I'm such a stereo-typing douche. Aren't I?" I say, cringing at my own lack of PC.

"No," she mollifies. "Well, yes. But I think it's forgiven. I… I just can't understand how you've never seen the way he looks at you," she asks, bringing me back to the only bit about this that makes me uncomfortable.

"I mean. I've seen him looking at me. Sure. But I just thought it was a little bit of teen idol worship. Like… he's JV QB. He wants to learn about cars. He follows me around the reservations like I'm his best friend." I taper off. He does follow me around a fair bit. He's uber-helpful. Always laughing at the jokes I say. I'm not _that_ funny. He always saves me a seat at tribe stuff.

He has a fucking crush on me...

How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? I don't know if is okay for me to say this anymore, but—I love the guy. But not like that!

I just want Ness to sort this Seth stuff out for me. I know I'll have to talk to him. Eventually. But not for a little while. Not tonight.

Tonight is game night. And I have to get back out there before I'm noticed missing. "Ok. So you're gunna talk to Seth?" I ask.

She nods. "After the game. But you're gunna have to talk to him about this too at some point. And I'd say sooner rather than later," she mandates, not promising to do all the dirty work for me.

"Yeah I will… Eventually." I hedge, not committing to any time frame. I'm kind of hoping that if I leave it long enough Ness will just deal with it for me.

She steps over to me, grabbing my jersey with both fists, and reaching up on tippy toes she pulls me down into a kiss. It's soft and sweet. She's claiming my lips as hers. I'm so _very_ ok with being owned. "When can I see you again?" she purrs, her lips still lightly brushing against mine as she talks.

"I got nothing on tomorrow. Want to go somewhere after your classes?"

"Okay. You wanna come over to my house at twelve? I'll make you lunch."

"Okay," I say, kissing her lips again.

"Okay," she says smiling up at me. Making no move to actually leave.

Ness," I laugh, "we can't go out there together."

"I know," she says, still not moving.

"You want me to go out first?"

"No. I'll go," she says sighing and kissing me for the last time before walking to the door her hand hovering on the handle. "Put that ice back on your hand," she orders pointing to the swollen mess of my throwing hand. "You know you're a fucking idiot, don't you?" she asks.

"Yes. I know." But there was no way I was gunna let Seth start.

"Okay, I'll see you in like twenty minutes? As my friend. Not my boyfriend. Not as someone who just kissed me until my knees went weak. Or who was _not_ just sucking on my bodacious tatas five minutes ago_,_" she taunts, breezing out the door.

I almost choke. I didn't know girls talked like that. Ness does, and it's fucking hot.

Seth can have my spot. I got the girl.


	20. Chapter 20- It's just Seth

_**Last time on P &amp; C's...**_

_**"When can I see you again?" she purrs, her lips still lightly brushing against mine as she talks.**_

_**"I got nothing on tomorrow. Want to go somewhere after your classes?"**_

_**"Ok. You wanna come over to my house at twelve? I'll make you lunch."**_

_**"Ok," I say, kissing her lips again.**_

_**"Ok," she says smiling up at me. Making no move to actually leave.**_

_**Ness," I laugh, "we can't go out there together."**_

_**"I know," she says, still not moving.**_

_**"You want me to go out first?"**_

_**"No. I'll go," she says sighing and kissing me for the last time before walking to the door her hand hovering on the handle. "Put that ice back on your hand," she orders pointing to the swollen mess of my throwing hand. "You know you're a fucking idiot, don't you?" she asks.**_

_**"Yes. I know." But there was no way I was gunna let Seth start.**_

_**"Ok, I'll see you in like twenty minutes? As my friend. Not my boyfriend. Not as someone who just kissed me until my knees went weak. Or who was not just sucking on my bodacious tatas five minutes ago," she taunts, breezing out the door.**_

_**I almost choke. I didn't know girls talked like that. Ness does, and it's fucking hot.**_

_**Seth can have my spot. I got the girl...**_

* * *

**Chapter 20 – It's just Seth.**

It isn't half time yet. It's about two minutes to go. The roar we heard from inside the locker rooms was us scoring. I sneak back to the benches and sit myself down, just out of coach's line of sight. Hopefully he thinks I've been here the whole time. And _not _making out with Ness in the boys showers.

We're still up when the half time buzzer does go, but only by one point. Apparently, we let in a touch down when I was busy scoring my own points inside.

We all pile into the locker room, it's the typical noisy shuffling of guys. Everyone's trying rehydrate a little and there is always the few who are busting for a piss. Jokes and laughter echo around the dank, rank room but there is a little tension in the air tonight that wasn't here before the game—I'm not too sure where it's comin' from, we normally all get along pretty good. I see coach talking quietly to Seth, he looks like a deer caught in headlights. He's nodding an ah-ha-ing but he doesn't look as confident as a Varsity QB should be.

After a while coach calls the team in and they discuss a few minor changes. From what I _have_ seen of the game, they all make sense. I am also waiting for an ass reaming from Coach, for not telling him about my hand. Not that he knows beyond a doubt that I bent the truth. But that diving touchdown I made shouldn't have ended up with my hand looking like it now does. Not if had been properly healed anyway.

But the ass reaming doesn't come. Instead he asks me what I thought of the Draw Play just before the other team scored. Oh Fuck. He totally knows I wasn't watching the 2nd quarter. He's looking at me as if to say, '_well come on kid. Fess up_.' I stammer a little. Not really wanting to get into the nitty gritty of what the fuck I was _actually_ doing for those ten minutes.

"I…. I… um, actually coach, I was still getting ice for my hand. I missed it. I'm sorry." I go with honesty being the best policy. Except I'm lying by omission. Technically I wasn't getting ice. Ness got that for me before the first quarter was even done. But it's not a _complete_ lie. Not really. I don't get to find out if he bought my story or not because Lahote pipes in giving Seth a mouthful and putting a voice to the cause of that tension I sensed.

"It was fucking late, that's what it was," Paul interrupts, throwing a pissed off look towards Seth who just lowers his head not looking at Lahote. "If you throw that god damn ball late one more time Clearwater, I swear I'm gunna come and shove that pig skin so far—"

"Lahote!" coach bellows, "Hush your mouth young man. Yes, we've had a few late throws. I've talked to Seth about it. Now is not the time."

He stares as Paul for a few tense heartbeats. Neither wanting to be the first to break.

"You understand me boy?" coach asks, no _request_ in his tone whatsoever ever. Paul blinks, straightening and stepping back. The guy's a great running back but he can be and asshole with a temper and a big mouth.

I feel bad for Seth. Paul has called me out at half time once before and I fucking hated it. And to make things worse, the fucker only says something if he's blameless. It's so infuriating to be called on that kind of stuff so publicly. At least I had the confidence to tell him to fuck of. Seth, on the other hand, he just takes it.

And with that, the team talk is over. Everyone goes about their own thing. I just sit down on a bench. Actually, it's the bench I had a pretty much topless Ness on just ten minutes ago—not that I can tell anyone. So I just sit and day dream about how good her titties felt under my hands. Oh Christ I hope her aunt and uncle are out when I get to her place tomorrow.

Quil comes over to me for a bit and my attention is forced back to the coming and goings of the team.

"So you fucked your hand up again?" he asks, flopping down in the seat next to me his helmet in one hand and a water bottle in the other.

"Yeah. I hope it's not too bad. Hurts like a bastard though."

"You sure you can't play?" he asks, leaning his head back and squirting some Gatorade down his gullet. "_You're _our QB_._ Clearwater is changing the plays every freakin' huddle and even though he's an asshole, Paul's right. If he's not late to throw, he's under throwing. It's driving us all crazy."

"Give the kid a chance Quil, he's just a sophomore."

"Yeah, well, I'm just saying we work better with you Jake," he's pouting like a little kid whose friend isn't allowed out to play.

I laugh a little. I shouldn't be so smug about it. But, well, fuck it… I am.

"Hey, I was gunna hitch a ride with Emb into PA tomorrow. Wanna come?"

Oh fuck. I don't want to lie to my buddy. But I can't tell him I'm meeting Ness either. Not yet.

"Ah, probably not. I got to get this fucker x-rayed," I say holding up my hand wrapped in ice. "Who knows how long that'll take. And dad's been a little sick the last few days. I'd better just stay home."

I'm a liar and I just used my dad's diabetes as a pretence for secretly seeing my girlfriend no one knows about. I'm going to hell.

He accepts my excuse with ease though and we sit for a little until Coach yells for us to go back out. He puts his helmet back on and the team runs back on the field. Without me. But with Seth instead.

I have still managed to avoid Seth this whole time, but of course, Murphy's Law has him stop as he passes by me.

"Hey Jake?"

I look at him, but only briefly, not maintaining eye contact. This is the first time I've talked to him since I've talked to Ness… about him. I don't know why I'm so weirded out. Actually, I _do_ know. Turns out my little brother from another mother… is gay. _Gay_. And he has a crush on me. So, yeah, I'm a little weirded out.

In all honestly, I think I'd act the same if I found out a chick— that I thought was just a friend— had a crush on me and I didn't reciprocate it. But it does bother me that I'm being so weird and cagey all of a sudden. I'm okay with whatever's going on with him and whatever his persuasion might be. I really am.

But I'm still a little pissed at him too— I'm pissed on Nessie's behalf, _and_ for the fact that all this confusion has stopped us from being together sooner.

I get why he might be trying so hard to make it look like he likes girls… and not boys. High school is brutal. The kids can be merciless. Why do you think I'm so paranoid that Ness and Seth break up— with witnesses— _before_ she and I go public? I don't think she cares—she's been through worse—but I do not want Nessie branded and shunned as a two timing slut or something. Not happening on my watch.

So, because of this I understand, theoretically, why Seth has encouraged people's assumptions. But I'm still weirded out a bit… for personal reasons. And I don't want to be, so I resolve to try to be as normal as possible.

"Yeah?" I say, responding finally to his enquiry, making sure I maintain the eye contact that I normally would. Something has been up with us for the last few weeks but we haven't talked about it. He probably assumes it the hand thing. It kind of is. But it's really been more about the Nessie factor and that's all it is about now. I know he's noticed things are weird with me by the out of character stammering and hesitance he approaches me with. Now I feel like shit for basically ignoring him this last month.

"Ahhh, I just wanted to ask you," he starts cautious, "ahhh, Coach wants us to play a 'QB power –G', and, um…what's the G?"

And then, all of sudden…it's just us. Seth asking me stuff— like he always does. I'm just Jake helping Sethie. My little Bro. I forget about all of it for a minute. We're just in his backyard and were talking Plays.

Even more importantly though. Tonight. Right now. We're in the locker rooms just about to take on the third quarter. And I'm helping him remember the slight differences in plays that drive us all insane yet, as QB's, we have to know. Everyone else just thinks 'oh I'll just ask the QB' when they can't remember. When you _are_ the QB, you have no one to ask. But Seth has me.

So we huddle together and we go over the play, I remind him how to use his body to at least get the mechanics of his throw right and with a thanks and a fist bump, he jogs on to the field.

I make my way outside and I settle back on the side line bench, my focus back on to the team and the game at hand. When it's our turn to play the offensive, they stick with the QB power—G. The play goes down without a hitch. Marcus Hardman is playing wing, he kicks out and goes after the play side corner. Paul takes the hand-off from Seth cleanly and gets vertical quickly. Right through a bubble before the Aberdeen End man that Quil brings down can close in.

It's a great play. Works just as it should have. Doesn't get us any points, but we got at least three yards, and it's a great play nonetheless. Seth hasn't thrown a short ball this whole quarter, and his accuracy is better. I kind of wish I was out there right now.

So I'm back into watching the game. Watching my friends and teammates let in another touchdown and watch them come off the field for the end of the third quarter frustratingly down 12 to Aberdeen's 13. But as disappointed as I am for the guys, I'm happy Seth has a decent third quarter and the guys should be off his back. Just, I don't want him having so good a game as that he's gunna replace me when I'm fit again. I'm _that_ self-seeking. At least I'm honest about it…to myself at least. Ness knows this about me too and she still likes me.

* * *

I see Ness in the crowd a few times over the course of the third quarter, we simply share a smile. A few of the cheerleaders are doing their best to catch my eye too. Waving like those kind of chicks do. More than happy to have their short skirts and midriffs on display. Hair flicking and giggling like bimbos, showing off how high their legs can go—which is pretty high. But it means shit. I mean… they're hot, but the problem is… they know they are. Lizzie and the Spencer twins, I think between them, they've all had a turn fucking the majority of my friends. Except for Quill, he won't be getting laid until his thirties. It would just make their day though, if I gave one of them the full house of Red hearts on the native deck. Me being the ace of hearts. Ever since it became common knowledge that I was back on the market, they've been in overdrive trying to get into my pants. But I'm not interested, I got me a tutu that I've wanted into for weeks.

I have decided, categorically, that cheerleaders have nothing on ballerinas. At least not the ones at our school. They're kind of fit, but there is no way they could do the stuff I've seen Ness do. And it shows in the way she carries herself; her posture, the definition in her limbs, the way she moves her body, but it's not even about her body or her looks. Ness is far more beautiful inside than she is out, and I think that's saying something, 'cause she's fucking spectacular to look at. So after a simple eye brow raise, and get a 'get a life' kind of smile to the other girls, I look back out to the field. I'm trying to be inconspicuous before I turn back to the stands, back to Ness.

Our eyes meet and I can't suppress the smile that slips over my lips. She's seen the whole one-way flirting exchange with half of the cheer squad. There is a green fire in her eyes, but it's softened by the confidence of possession. This is still so new, and still, regrettably, secret. But Ness smiles down at me from the stands, with the knowledge of our locker room confessions still ringing in our ears.

It fills up my chest when she smiles at me like that. Especially now that I know the thoughts behind that grin. Just her smiling at me ,with the knowledge that she actually likes me back, is enough to lift me out of any longing for the field I had. Cause she's mine. No one knows it yet. But she is.

She's mine… and not Seth's.

But Seth likes _me._

So because of this, and as much as I don't want to be, I'm still weirded out and I totally avoid him for the next time the offensive team is off the field. It's not hard though, Ness came down to field level and he's been talking to her over the fence for the last five minutes.

I try my best not to spy. I'm failing at it miserably. I'm not jealous, I just want to know what she's saying to him. I don't think that right now, in the middle of a game, is the best time for her to tear him a new one for using her as a beard without telling her about it. I mean, is there ever a good time for _that _conversation? I doubt it. Luckily for Seth, and judging by his stupid smile…she's not…yet.

They're just talking, she's probably just boosting his self-esteem—she's so good at doing that. Twice I catch Ness's eye as she steals a glance at me. Our eyes meet and we reaffirm our mutual feeling for each other. My gut does a little somersault. She's not peeking at Seth like that. Now that I know what I'm looking for, she never has. He tries to put his arm casually on her shoulder over the fence. Again, now that I'm in the know, I realize this gesture _is_ a little ambiguous on his behalf. Not necessarily platonic, but nothing risqué about it either. It's funny how I'd always read it one way, and Ness, the opposite. Not tonight though.

She moves out from his hand, not very graciously, I might add. Giving him a bit of a pull of the shoulder and a small grimace of veto. Then she gives him a look every guy knows, gay or straight, that look of 'we need to talk'. And once again, I feel sorry for Seth. It occurs to me that if Ness and I don't handle this whole thing right and Seth gets somehow hurt, then not only will I feel like a heated up piece of turd, but we'll also have to answer to his sister Leah. And that is a consideration I _do not_ want to contemplate.

So, I'm _not_ gunna avoid him, I've decided. At least not as of Monday at school. I might try and talk to him this weekend, actually. After I see Ness tomorrow. And once I know that he knows that I know. Cause, I want her to do that for me. I'm a sissy.

So, I'm gunna avoid Seth the rest of tonight…But only a little. And at the same time Ness is determined to not avoid me tonight…at all.

"Hey!" she calls out from behind the fence, getting my attention and motioning for me to come over when Seth is back on the field somewhere in the middle of the fourth.

I give her this, 'are you kidding look'. I thought we were trying to be discrete. She just smiles at me, her beautiful teeth, white and straight and I can't resist. I get up from my spot on the bench and walk over to her, all the time looking around to see who's watching us.

"Would you quit looking so guilty," she laughs as I reach her. "I just want to say hi— as your friend. Like I would have even if you hadn't just had your tongue half way down my throat."

"Sssh," I say looking around. Jane Turner is looking at me, but she's always staring at me. Freak.

Ness just laughs in response. "Oh come on Jake. Be normal. It'll be more obvious of we just suddenly stop talking after being BFF's for the last fortnight." I think she means the last two weeks. I I remember that from Shakespeare in English class. Ness is so well read. And smart; she has a point, and I visibly relax, adjusting the ice bag around my hand.

"How sore is it?"

I shrug. "I don't think it's quite as bad as when I first did it. Maybe it's not too bad." I say lifting the nearly melted ice inside the plastic bag off. The bruising is apparent even on my darker skin.

"Oh shit babe. That looks so sore."

Her use of a pet name is comforting and it makes happy. I like it coming from her lips. I want to hear it again. But if we're serious about keeping this on the DL for a little while, it's dangerous.

"Yes _Renesmee,"_ I say, highlighting my use of her full name, hoping she'll realize her use of the moniker, "it's pretty sore. It's like I was using it or something after I injured it? Maybe I lifted something up and didn't rest it?" I say, mock seriousness in my poorly veiled sentence. I can't help but be happy in her presence.

"All right, all right," she pouts cheerfully, "point taken, _Jacob_," she says, her eyes rolling slightly, a sassy glint still to her eyes.

They're beautiful.

"I have some Tylenol," she says reaching into the soft brown leather hand bag hanging across her chest and rifling through it. "Do you want some?"

"Please," I say holding my good hand out.

She pops two out of the blister pack, directly in to my palm and I throw them down dry.

"How can you do that?" she asks, "I have to have like, a cup of water per tablet or else I gag."

I just look at her. The mention of her gag reflex is making this pantomime only harder. "Well I guess you just need more practice." I retort dryly, a touch of proposition in my attitude.

She looks at me for a second, as if to asses my tone. It only takes a moment and I see the awareness wash over her and her cheeks color. She play slaps me on the shoulder. "Jake!"

"What? You said it."

"I was talking about tablets," she squeals.

"So was I!" I lie, my laugh and grin not fooling her for a second.

"You're terrible."

"But you love it," I smile.

She looks at me, her eyes softening as she considers me. "Yeah. I do," she states, her voice warm and loving and not at all what we want to be showing the population of the school.

"You say that to all the boys," I quip, snapping her out of her rapture and before I have an excited heart attack over her pretty much declaring that she loves me.

She clears her throat, centering herself and squaring her shoulders. I think she just realized the enormity of what she's just said. I hope she doesn't regret it. "So Seth is having an okay game?"

I shrug, "Yeah, Okay. Nothing stellar. It's a massive deal for him though; to play Varsity,"

"So would it be a big blow to his ego if I have words with him directly after the game?"

"You know, a little public argument might be a good thing. Don't let anyone hear what it's about, but…" I pause, felling like we're guilty of something. I don't know what. But I feel guilty nonetheless. "I feel like such an asshole talking about this Ness."

"I know, but… he shouldn't have let everyone think we were dating. If I give him a little public dishing out, then that his fault."

"What's whose fault?" Seth asks, coming up to talk to us. I've missed the final buzzer. I look over my shoulder to see the score. Same. Not a flogging but still no win points on the standings for the Spartans.

"Yours!" Ness says a little loudly, a very high school girlish flick of her head. She's a good little actor and obviously she's decided that _now_ is a good time to start the public proceedings.

"Riiiight." I say, backing away from the fence. "I'm, just, gunna… go"

"I'll see you tomorrow?" she asks, wiling me to be okay with her laying things out for our mutual friend. I look over at Seth and he's looking at me cautiously. I think I see a little fear in his eye. Like he's figuring out that maybe I know. Not that I care. But he obviously does. He's looking between Ness and me and I think _that_ penny may have just fallen too. I've kept my feelings for Ness pushed down, down, down. But I doubt they've been completely veiled. I'm pretty sure Embry knows. He's seen me staring.

I look back at Ness and I can't deny her anything. I smile. I know it's that pantie dropping smile too, I can't help it. I want her to drop her panties. "Yeah. I'll see you after the x-rays," I say backing up and moving over to the team and over to the part of the world where everyone thinks Seth and Ness are dating, where they think I'm still heartbroken over Bella and Nessie and I are just friends. And no one is any the wiser.

After a team talk and a few ignored backward glances from Embry, I head home a little earlier than normal. I don't feel like shooting the breeze with the guys. And Emb's too good at getting the truth out of me.

* * *

Dad is watching TV when I get home. An empty bowl of what looks like chocolate ice cream, the _non_-diabetic type. And a poorly hidden packet of moon pies in the kitchen bin.

"How was it?" he asks as I grab a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and sit on the sofa next to him.

"We lost 12 -13 and I stuffed my hand up again. I've got to go see the doctor in Forks tomorrow," I say around a bite. I don't think I've ever seen Ness eat a banana. I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like that.

"What happened to your hand? I thought you said it was healed?" dad asks, my thoughts pulled from Nessie's mouth around banana shaped things.

"I lied."

"What the hell Jacob? Why would you lie about a broken bone? You could have damaged it more. What if you could never hold a ball properly again?"

Dad is so focused on my football. It's his topic of choice when it comes to bragging about me. I kind of wish he'd focused on the fact that I could have fucked my _writing_ hand up. That would really make doing exams hard. Exams like finals and writing collage applications. I don't think he really believes I'm actually gunna get into college. My sister Rachel is the first Black to do it and it saddens me that he doesn't seem to be encouraging me on this front. Ness does though.

I try to cover my private smirk at the thought of her as I repeat her insult. "I know," I say. "I'm an idiot. Coach is gunna want more than just my word before he lets me play again. I'm gunna need a doctor's note."

"You want me to come with you to see the doctor?" he asks, lifting a can of Rainer from the other side of his chair. There are already two empty ones on the coffee table. "No," I say getting up and picking up the trash around him. "But I do want to you remember what your doctor said. Jesus dad, three beers _and_ ice cream? Do you _want_ them to chop your legs off?"

My father has been struggling with his diabetes for years. He's so numb now from the poor control of his sugar levels he's in that god damn chair. The diabetes doctor has told him time and time again that he's on a steady slope to loosing that left foot. Insulin means jack shit if he keeps on stuffing his face with booze and sugar. "Don't think I didn't see that moon pie wrapper in the trash." I know I'm taking to a brick wall, but I gotta keep on keeping on.

"See son," he quips, totally ignoring my haranguing, "good looks isn't the only thing you got from your old man. Looks to me like both of us are good at ignoring the doctors' orders." He tips his can at me before bring it to his lips and taking a few good swallows, the can upended as he finishes it off.

"At least I know when I've been an idiot, and I'm not gunna keep on doing something that is obviously gunna make things worse." I don't talk to my dad like this very much. But he is an obstinate fool sometimes, especially with three bears under his belt. Someone's gotta be the adult in this house. And sometimes, that someone is me.

"Alright, alright. Enough with the lecturing son," he says flicking the remote to a different sports channel. "I promise I'll eat a salad tomorrow. Will that make ya happy?"

"Sure, sure, dad, " I placate, because a salad is going to fix it all I think sarcastically.

We sit for a while, mindlessly watching the last quarter of the Nevada v. Washington State game. It doesn't take long for the old man to bring up the topic I've been waiting on him to bring up for weeks.

"So Washington State hey?"

"Yeah. Good school," I say. Making out that we're talking about the actual school not the people or _person_ who does or does _not_ go there. I'm so sick of people pussy footing around the Bella topic.

"Not good enough for Bella though?"

"Apparently not," I say keeping my eyes on the screen.

Of course dad knows about Bella's deferment. Him and Charlie gossip worse than old women. But I guess it's not really gossiping if you're confiding in your best friend, now is it? The curious sadomasochist in me wants to know what Charlie thinks of this whole debacle, but the self-preservation half of me doesn't really want to re hash this with dad right now. I think I'm finally at a point where I can let her go. Wish her and her douche a happy life and send her a nice congrats card when they get hitched.

"And neither was I," I add quietly. So, maybe I'm _not_ as over things as I think. I mean... I am, in regard to any romantic feelings for her. Because I now realize that what I _thought_ I felt for Bells was a watered down imitation in comparison for the feeling Ness stirs in me. But I guess I'm still harboring a little resentment and bitterness towards my ex. I think that's normal. I'm actually gunna let myself feel this anger, I think that's healthy enough, but I'm not gunna let it eat me up and consume me. And anyway, so much of me is consumed with thoughts of Ness tonight that I don't have any more time to spend on someone who doesn't matter anymore.

"You really all right with all this Jacob?"

I stop for a moment before answering. Turning on the cushion and looking directly at him. "You know what dad? I actually am. I mean, I wasn't… obviously," I say, gesturing to my short hair. "But I am now." I smile inwardly, but I think he sees it. That soul completing, lung filing, easy as breathing happiness.

"In fact, I'm better now than was when I was dating Bella. There was always a third person between us. And well, dad, I kind of want you to meet someone. No. I…I _want_ you to meet someone. Her name's Ness and well…. she's… she's." I want to say perfect, or my reason for living or-my everything-but I don't.

Dad helps me out by finishing my sentence for me. "She's yours."

The wind is knocked out of me. She's mine. There is no third person between us. It's funny, there actually _is_. Seth. And he's a _huge_ obstacle. But only an obstacle in regard to the timing and publicness of our relationship. I know that she's with me and just me, one hundred percent.

It's like she is just for me. Perfect for _me_. I know we have our fair share of baggage but…She's _mine._ I nod at my father in agreement. A question in my brows at the same time. How does he know what this girl I've never mentioned before already means to me?

"I know that look Jacob. I saw that look of completeness in the mirror every day for fourteen glorious years. You never had that look with Charlie's girl. You've had that look about ya for weeks now. You got you your ultimate '_Someone'_."

"My 'someone'," I mutter to myself, throwing myself back onto the couch. I like the sound of that. God I wish tomorrow lunch would come around already.

"And you hold on to her. Ya hear? You never know when that bitch of life says you've had long enough with your lifetime 'Someone'."

We aren't talking about me and Ness any more. I feel the sting in my eyes as I listen to my father say— without actually saying— just how much he loved my mother. How much he still does. I give him a break mentally for the three beers and the ice cream. He can lose his legs. He's already lost his 'Someone'.

After a moment he clears his throat. We don't talk about her much. And when we do it's always ambiguous and yet so very painful. "Well, I'm off to bed," he says quickly as he wheels towards me, stopping by my knees as I sprawl on the lounge happy reveling in my daydreams of Renesmee. "Com'ere Jake, you're never too old to give your old man a hug." His arms open wide waiting for me.

So I sit myself up and lean in. Letting my father envelop me the way he's done all of my life. As if a hug will make everything okay. It kind of does. "I'm real proud of ya son. She'd be proud of ya too. You know that right?"

I nod into his shoulder, my face pressed into his shirt.

"So when am I gunna meet this girl who is the reason our phone bill is gunna be doubled this month." He smiles, pulling back, a cheeky glint to his eye. "I've heard you jabbering away all hours of the night," he smirks. The old man just loving the prospect of getting a rise out of me.

"We don't talk _that_ much." I laugh, feeling the color on my cheeks. Nothing gets past the chief. I kid myself every time I think it has.

Still embraced in some rare father son time, I hear a car pull up outside the house and I stand to go check the front window. No one accidentally comes down our road. Not this far into reservation land. So I'm curious as to who would be in the neighborhood this late at night.

"Can she come over for lunch on Sunday?" I ask, moving the curtain aside. I see Seth getting out of hot looking silver sports convertible. "Oh shit," I mumble. I was gunna put this talk off for a few days. Looks like Seth has different ideas.

"What? Who is it?'" dad asks concerned, wheeling towards me.

"No, don't worry, it's just Seth."

"What's wrong with seeing Seth?" he asks. Ever since his dad died last year, my dad has made a point of being a little protective of his late friend's son.

"Nothing. Just… well I kind of thought that Seth had a thing for Ness. But he doesn't… but… Oh dad, it's complicated," I say, trying my best to explain without actually telling him anything.

"Complicated like he's making goo-goo eyes at _you_ instead of your girl?"

I spin on the spot, the drapes falling distractedly form my hands, my mouth gaping like one of those big salmons dad so loves to catch. "Are you kidding me? How the hell do _you_ know about this and I had no freaking clue?"

He just shrugs as there is a knock at the front door. "It's a Chief's job to know the ins and _outs _of the tribe," he says, spinning his chair and making a wheeled dash for the hall. Nice pun dad. Nice pun.

"Night," he calls before heading into his room. Freaking gossipmonger. He probably knew about Ness already too.

I step up to the door squaring off my shoulders and getting ready for what could quite possibly be the most awkward conversation of my life.

I open the door. My little brother from another mother is standing there, a cautious look across his face. "Hey Jake," he says quietly shifting nervously, back forth, from one foot to the other. "Can we talk?" his eyes glued to the worn paint of the porch floorboards.

I nod and step out on the porch and sit down on the step, patting the space beside me and looking to him over my shoulder. He looks so unsure, like a startled gazelle, only in Forks high school sweats.

He looks terrified.

That just won't do.

He's my brother.

"Sure Seth, let's talk."

* * *

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	21. Chapter 21 - I'm just his Khaleesi crush

**_Last Time on P &amp; C's..._**

**_I open the front door. My little brother from another mother is standing there, a cautious look across his face. _**

**_"Hey Jake," he says quietly shifting nervously, back forth, from one foot to the other. "Can we talk?" his eyes glued to the worn paint of the porch floorboards._**

**_I nod and step out on the porch. I sit down on the step and pat the space beside me looking to him over my shoulder. He looks so unsure, like a startled gazelle, only in Forks high school sweats. He looks terrified._**

**_That just won't do._**

**_He's my brother._**

**_"Sure Seth, let's talk."..._**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – I'm just his Khaleesi crush**

"So," I say, pausing more than I should for the introduction of a _normal _conversation. We've been sitting out on my front porch for ages. Just shooting the breeze, taking about the game and not talking about the fact that he doesn't have a thing for Ness. Or that he doesn't have a thing for _any_ girls, as a matter of fact. But in fact it is _me_ and my _thing_ that is the thing he has a thing for.

"So," he says back to me. Neither of us know to how to broach this conversation. We're quiet for a little while longer. All I can hear is the continuous chirp of the crickets and the occasional hooting owl form the forest out back; the uninterrupted, soft rolling roar of the surf up the road; and the sharp tick, tick, tick, of Seth's foot against the step as it agitates with his anxiety.

I realize that if I think _I'm_ a little nervous and unsure about taking about this, then he must be feeling at least ten times more. I have to make this okay for him. "You know I'm totally okay with this, don't you?" I say, just jumping in feet first. He knows what I'm talking about.

"Which bit?" he asks back, still looking over at the road in front of the house, it's started to drizzle, the porch light illuminates the fine spray of summer rain as it sprinkles down.

Maybe he doesn't know what I meant. "You know, the not liking Ness bit. Because, well, she's… and you're… and she's… she's…"

"A girl?" he offers, saving me from my own stupid caginess. He's got a measure of sarcasm in the tone. The little shit is enjoying my discomfort. He knew.

"Yes, smart ass, 'cause she's a girl."

"So you're ok with this?" he asks seriously, turning to look at me. His eyes showing me how much he has invested on my opinion and feelings on this new found revelation.

"Yeah Seth, it's okay. You could have told me, you know. I really am okay with it. It doesn't have to be a secret." He has a little look of relief on his face, the out of place wrinkle on his forehead relaxing and smoothing. But then it's back again, crinkling up his brows a doubtful huff escaping his lips. His eyes taking on a resentment I've never really seen in them before. It's not me he resents, it's this town.

"What world are you living in Jake? Of course it does. At least for a little while. Think about it; on the Res… In a small school? You know how some of the red necks on the team can be. I'm not willing to be in that kind of fight. I don't want to be known as the 'gay kid'. I'm just _me_. And for high school at least, that's how its gunna stay. And I don't really feel like getting my nose punched in by a couple of ass wipes every other day either." He's making out that he's nonchalant and indifferent. I'm not buying it. I saw that look I his eye. He's bull shitting himself. He's thought long and hard about this, he's a little bitter but he's scared shitless about it too.

"You wouldn't be the first gay kid in the school. There was a kid a few years ago, he graduated… three years ago, I think? He came out in senior year and from what I can remember, everyone was ok with it. I don't think anyone was surprised either."

He just look over at me, brows raised in doubt. "I know who you're talking about, he was in Leah and Sam's year. Alec Turner. He doesn't count Jake, he was Flaming queen. He didn't come _out, _he only made what everyone already knew official. I don't think I'm the same as that."

I think about what he says for a minute. He's kind of right. Seth acts and dresses pretty much the same as me. And I'm sure as shit not gay—not that there's anything wrong with that. God I love Seinfeld. And that Alec kid was as white middle class as they come, not too many gay, full blooded Quileute's running around the Reservation. He doesn't fit the stereotype, that's for sure. Oh shit. It dawns on me that, I spend so much energy fighting that Indian stereotype I hate so much, only to be guilty of boxing others into their own typecast. I'm as bad as the rest of the community. And ours is as pigeonholing as they come. La Push _and_ Forks. Small town gossip would be rife, he's right about that. And I can't speak for the JV team but he'd have a pretty time hard on the Varsity. Some of those guys are so homophobic. I got to protect my little bro from this at least. If he's ready to tell the world, then I'll support him, but he not ready yet, and until he is, I'll do my best to prevent him from getting thrown under that rainbow bus.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks. Leaning in front on my face. I think I've been off in my own world or a little longer than I thought.

"We'll firstly: I had no freaking idea, that's for sure. And I doubt anyone else has a clue either, if that's any consolation." I say, purposefully making eye contact with my surrogate little bro again. "Are you okay with Ness telling me? You know she didn't say it as a gossip or anything? It's just we were having an argument and…"

"It's ok Jake," he interjects. "She told me all about it." He lets out a little chuckle to himself. "I can't believe you stood by the bro code so faithfully. You really should have confirmed that she was off the market man," he says shaking his head in light hearted incredulity. "You kissed her at Lahote's party and she kissed you back and then you told her it was a _mistake_? Are you insane?"

"Yeah, I kind of feel like a chump about that now." This mention of Ness has me daydreaming of her. How beautiful she looked tonight, those legs in that skirt. How stunning she looked underneath my hands. I was wrong about those little-big tits, nothing little about them. How exquisite she looked in all her impassioned glory, her long red brown hair curing over her shoulders as she prepared to chew Seth out. I shift in my seat, trying to adjust my fledgling woody discreetly and bring my mind back to the topic at hand.

"Beard," I say in a laughing breath, the term still cracks me up. "She's so pissed at you. You know that right?"

"Oh man. I know. Who would have thought so much indignation could come out of such tiny pip-squeak? She tore me new asshole really good," he says, pausing and inclining his head, looking sideways though narrowed eyes into the night. "I guess when considering the main reason of her anger, any tearing of ass holes is kind of a sore topic, hey?" he says, he's patented Seth dimples caving as he grins at his own joke.

We both laugh at his little pun, the tension of the evening easing a notch further.

"So are we cool?" Seth asks me checking his watch. "Ness instructed for me to only take a half hour. She has to get home before her curfew."

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think dropped me off, Jake?"

"Your new boyfriend?" I say, tongue in cheek.

"No fucker," he says elbowing me in the ribs, "_your_ new girlfriend."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have all these instructions. You're meant to walk me home. _All romantic like!" _he adds in falsetto whimsy voice. "And then you got to meet her down at First beach."

"She's waiting for me?" I say jumping up to standing. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me? Enough with the heart to heart Clearwater, my girl's wait'n for me. Let's the fuck go!" I say flicking my head towards the road.

Ignoring the light shower that is almost over, I set a pretty fast pace as we walk up the block to Seth's Street. My mind runs through the conversation we just had. We didn't talk about his crush on me. I don't know if we have to. He knows I'm okay with all the other stuff. He knows I don't feel the same. And he and Ness are okay again. Mission complete if you ask me.

"Ness said you guys are gunna keep a low profile for a while. To make it look like me and her had a real break-up.," he says out of the silence.

Mission resumed.

"Yeah. You reckon a couple of weeks will be enough? I don't want the girls calling her a slut or nothing."

"Yeah Jake. A couple of weeks will be enough," he chuckles at my high school level of social concern. "The question _is…_ can you keep your hands off of her bodacious tatas for that long?"

He's such a smart ass. Wait…she told him about that? "So long as we can get in our fair share of secluded midnight rendezvous, I think I'll be okay," I reply dryly, all bravado and cool like. I don't know if talking about me liking and wanting to be with Renesmee and not _him_ is hurting his feelings. I don't think it is, if it is, he's not letting on about it anyway.

We walk a little more, stopping on his corner before I turn to go on ahead to the beach. The rain has stopped completely and the Earth is clean and fresh, a calming stillness in the night. Before I walk off though, I notice Seth shifting back and forwards, suddenly appearing nervous as hell.

"What's up?" I ask, big brother tone saturating my question. I want him to be able to talk to me about this.

He stills his shuffling feet and stares at me. I see him working up the metal to just say whatever it is he wants to say.

"Just for the record Jake," he starts. It's awkward but he gets his point across eventually, "I think Ness talked up my feelings for you a bit. You're like, the buffest guy I know, and I totally know you're _not_ gunna share any feelings for me. I do love you. But more like my brother. I mean… you _are_ the hottest guy around, but… I mean…" he continues to painfully stammer along. Then he sucks in a quick breath and shifts on his hip, the only outwardly gay thing I think I've ever seen him do. I find it endearing. Not at all intimidating or weird. And a piece of our life falls into place.

"It's like this; you've had the hots for Khaleesi off Game of Thrones forever right?" I give a little intrigued nod. Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen is a woman I'd lay my sword down for. If you get my meaning? I'm secretly wishing Ness keep her hair that crazy long, below the waist, for just a little longer now. I do like the red better though. And I really can't forget the fact that Ness is real flesh and blood and smells simply amazing, tastes even better and is absolutely more than willing to throw herself at me.

I back away a bit, keen now to get to that beach. To her. Seth keeps on with the analogy though, keeping me from leaving the street corner. "Just because you think a fictional character is hot, doesn't mean you actually expect her to randomly launch herself at you. You know what I mean?"

"You comparing me to Drogo?" I ask, a little hammed up pride in my voice and still half distracted by the image of Ness rising naked out of a fire with a dragon on her shoulder. Oh man. I got to focus. If he is comparing me to that guy though, I'm pretty okay with it— He was built. But yes, I get what he's trying to say. It's not _me_ per say that he likes. But my awesome guns. And the idea of what I represent to his hormonally driven mind. Again, I'm weirdly okay with this.

He calls over his shoulder as he walks away, deflating any ego I had building, "Drogo? Nah, not any more man. He's an Adonis. And any way, you cut off all your hair," throwing a mischievous smile back at me as he steps off.

As far as potentially weird, your brother form another mother is actually gay and likes you but doesn't want to necessarily jump your _ass_ conversations go. It think that went well.

And Ness is waiting for me.

* * *

**Only a short one guys, sorry. Nessie will be back in the next chapter.**

**Things will be starting to heat up soon!**

**Let me know if you liked.**


	22. Chapter 22 - Tiny Dancer

**Chapter 22- Tiny Dancer**

Ness is waiting for me on the beach. She's waiting for _me_. Jake. She is… Ness. She's—as Seth put it—my new girlfriend. I like that phrase with Ness's name wrapped around it.

So I turn around, a feeling of serenity coursing through me as I leave Seth to find his own way home and head in the direction of First Beach. I haven't felt this content for… I can't remember; even with all the potential bumps in the road, it never felt quite this easy with Bella. Ness simply makes living easy. I pick up my pace again, eventually hopping into a jog after a few more yards. As I come around the public bathrooms in the parking lot and that James Bond car comes into view, I'm stopped dead in my tracks from the scene before me. The lighting is good in the lot, and she's standing side on to the hood of the car which has its top pulled down, her hand resting on the bumper as she moves her leg back and forward. She's dancing.

She moves away from the car and I watch from the shadows as she dances. Slow and controlled moments, transitioning into jumps that defy gravity for her tiny frame. She's mesmerizing. My eyes are riveted on to her body as it moves, that skirt flowing around her legs, giving me small glimpses of what's underneath as she jumps and pirouettes. I see her kick off her shoes and skip dance down onto the beach proper. She continues to move further down the sand and a little farther away from the parking lot light. After a minute or two more she seems to finish whatever dance she's concocted in her head. She stops, looking out to the dark, almost back waves as she catches her breath. Her hands are wrapped around herself, her legs straight as she stands tall in the sand her now bare feet slightly buried in the greige powder at the water's edge. I'm drawn over to her now, my legs moving of their own accord.

Like she's sensed my closeness, she turns as I near. Her face splitting into to an illuminating grin as our eyes meet.

"Finally!" she smiles, moving towards me and taking both my hands as we stand together. With her back to the surf, the wind is blowing her hair forwards, across her face and I reach my hands up, pushing the curls back off her face and pull her in closer. Her chest is pushed into mine and I feel the melting of my soul as she warms me from the inside out. I'm happy to just look at her for a while. Soak in every feature now that I can do so up close, even if it is dark.

"Did you and Seth get to talk?" she asks, her little fingers tracing the outline of my cheek. We both seem to be content to just stand here and immerse ourselves in each other.

I nod, not breaking eye contact for a second, "You know you're beautiful when you dance," I say quietly. Seth has dominated enough of our time. I want to talk about us now.

"You saw that?" she asks, her cheeks tinting a light pink.

"I couldn't stop looking."

"Oh my god. How long were you spying on me?" she asks, laughing and a little embarrassed.

"Long enough to know that you're beautiful when you dance," I smile twisting her hair into a loose braid—I can do this thanks to fact that I've had long hair for most of my life. My hand hurts a little and feels tight around the swelling but I can manipulate my fingers enough to braid, and this little thing gives me hope for my degree of injury.

With her hair contained from the propelling wind, my hands are now free so they can wander down her back, settling on her hips. And my eyes just take all of her in; every curve and every line, that little cluster of freckles on her nose and the rest of her porcelain skin. "In fact, you're beautiful. Period." I profess, my voice stuck in my throat as it tightens with a sudden overwhelming emotion and it coming out as a huskiness.

I can't believe she's here, with _me. _I'm pleasantly dazed and thrilled at how fast this evening has moved. How, in the course of a football game, silly assumptions have been quashed. And this perfect, tiny, potentially broken yet so very complete girl is standing here in front of me, her arms around my waist. She's looking up at me and I think I see these same emotions swimming around her honey brown eyes. I hope so very much I'm right about what I see.

"And your mine," I say, offering her the chance to set me straight or cut me loose on this matter.

She hardly misses a beat, "I'm yours," she whispers back, wrapping her fingers around the front of my jersey and holding on tight. I love the sound of that coming out her lips, my eyes focused now on those two plump, full lines of her mouth. Before I get a chance to kiss her though, she has her arms up around my neck and pulling me down, her lips meeting mine somewhere in the middle of it all.

She still tastes like cherries, a little peppermint mixed in as well. Our lips working between each other; breath and spirit combining. Ignoring my slightly throbbing hand, I pull her even closer to me. She must go up onto tippy toes because she presses her lips infinitesimally closer and I feel the rise of her tits as they drag up higher on my chest. Oh, god.

My fingers crawl back down her sides then, rippling over her ribs and just curving over the sides of her breasts. At the same time her hands just graze down my neck and over my shoulders. Her fingers wind around the back of my arms, cupping her hands over my delts. This soft, hesitant touching—it's slower than what we were doing in the locker room. It's sensual and teasing and I could do this all night long, but I'm dying for more too.

"Oh Jake," she utters between my lips like a prayer, pulling back and catching her breath. The rain has started up again, but it's still hardly more than a fine mist. I'm happy to ignore it. I'm pretty sure Ness is too. She looks up at me, her eyes shining in the illumination of the street light. She's shaking her head as she gazes blissfully up at me.

"What?" I ask, my voice happy and light.

"I just…" she brings a finger up to her mouth as she thinks. Softy touching her own slightly swollen lips as if to check they're actually still attached. "You're really here. You're not just some flyaway dream fantasy I've concocted as I drift off the sleep."

"You fantasize about me?" I ask. I'm silently doing a happy dance as she reveals my feelings are reciprocated but I can't resist bringing out that little blush on her cheeks.

She just closes her eyes slowly to me and lets out a chuckling breath through her nose. "I'm not gunna answer that," she titters, leaning her face in to my chest. "I can't believe you just asked me that!" she squeals, her voice muffled through my t-shirt.

I lean my head down and to the side, trying to prize this new, shy girl off of me. I want to see her face. "What? I hope you do. Because you, Nessie, have been all I have fantasized about for a good month now."

I don't know where this bravado is coming from. I feel like I can do anything this around this girl. She gives me confidence. I just know instinctively that she believes in me. I don't know what she sees in me. But her confidence is instinctively felt. And this is starting to sound like a Kenny Rogers song. But she makes me feel the confidence to do anything, be anything. Ness. She does this to me.

But instead of professing all this heart felt stuff to her, I tell her basically that I jerk off to her mental image. Nice going Jake. Smooth one with the ladies. You've managed to not scare her off yet. This should be the one that gets her running for the hills though.

But it's not. Her little face lifts up to meet my eye and she leans her chin on my breastbone. "Really?" she asks, genuinely flattered by the idea and I think a little aroused, her toothy grin biting on her lower lip.

"Really," I growl back. "I fantasize about you and you fantasize about me. I think the logical conclusion is that we turn these fantasies in to realities." My face has lowered to hers and I mumble the last of my logic directly on to her lips.

"I think that's a very compelling argument Mr Black," she smiles, her teeth clicking against mine as she kisses me with an open mouth grin. Her hand relaxed on my shirt and the fingers of the other fists into my hair, tugging pleasantly at the nape. The rain has started to come down slightly heavier now and as much as I'd like to keep on ignoring it. We can't.

We pull away and taking her by the hand we run up the beach as the heavens open. Still a hold of my hand, she detours sideways, running parallel to the shoreline until we reach her previously discarded shoes. Then with a shoe each we make a dash back to the car. Just this extra minute in the rain has us both soaked to the bone. Laughing like the teenagers we are, we stop at the convertible, fumbling with the button to get the roof up and scrambling to get in and out of the deluge. It takes what seems like hours for the black canopy to completely expand.

Sluicing the water from her face she leans over her seat to look around the back seat of for something to dry off with. Her skirt is plastered to her things and this angle makes an above the knee into a just below the butt length.

"I got nothing," she says, turning around and plonking down on the vinyl of the ancient car.

"Oh you got _something_ Ness" I say to myself… just no towel. But it's louder than I had anticipated and I think she heard me. I see the teasing playfulness in her eye, she wets her lips slowly, her hands running over her hair, combing through like a fucking mermaid on a rock. And by the power of grey-skull, it's as sexy as fuck.

"I can't drive home like this," she giggles, "I'm soaked right through to my undies."

Ho-ly fuck. Her undies are soaked. If I thought I had a hard-on before. The picture I've created in my mind of Ness slowly peeling off her saturated clothes. I'd be more than happy to help her with that little predicament. She totally heard me.

"Let's go back to my house. I'll get you a towel and you can wear some of my clothes. I think I might have some of my second grade clothes in a box somewhere," I sass at her petite size. If I don't add a little cheek into the mix I'm gunna A) act like a horny douche and B) come in my pants cause I am actually a horny douche and not as sassy Casanova.

"Ha ha," she smiles, reaching to the middle ashtray and handing me the stowed keys. In our mad dash to the car I've ended up in the driver's seat. I guess every time we've been in a car together I was always driving. I like this; It's old fashioned I know, but I like to drive. Bella never let me drive her truck much at all.

I go to turn on the radio, only to find none of the lights illumining my finger pressing buttons that don't respond.

"Radio's broken," she says, "which is quite unacceptable, it's even worse than _your_ car," she teases.

"Hey!" I say, pretending to be hurt by the dig at my Rabbit. She's right though, it sucks to be without the tunes.

"Come on. Let's get me into something a little more comfortable," she teases pulling her wet tank away from her chest and releasing, letting the cotton stick back against her curves and giving me her best femme fatale voice. She means it as a joke.

Tell that to my dick.

So I reach between my legs and pull, siding the seat back so that my knees aren't somewhere around my ears.

"You're so short," I laugh. I shouldn't, but she is so small and I'm so tall. It's funny.

"No I'm not, you're just a Herculean of a man," she quips back. Laughing at me and the fact that I have to have the seat pushed back to full extension. But somehow complimenting me at the same time. She's amazing.

I start the car and head down the three blocks to my house. The car is hot, it;s got a shiftable sports auto transmission, fells like really good power and torque, in just the half mile I've driven it seems to handle okay too. I'd love to see how it goes on the open road though.

"Whose car is this any way?" I ask as we pull into my driveway. The wipers going a zillion miles a minute against the sheet of water that is now assaulting the glass.

"Mine," she smiles unclicking her belt and turning to face me.

"What? When did you get this?" This isn't anything like the cars we'd been looking for over the last few weeks. She wanted and American vintage, something with a bit of character, something that had been really loved before; not a _Volvo_. And a convertible at that. A convertible in a town where it rains more than it's dry? Whatever. I thought _I_ was her buying a car helper friend. I mean, she's entitled to buy whatever the hell car she wants, but I sort of wanted to be there to help her. Cars are my thing. Deep down I'm a little hurt, but I try and keep the pout off of my face.

I obvious fail to not look like a petulant child, because Ness leans over to me, cupping my cooling cheek in her still warm hand. "Oh Jake, don't look like that. Uncle Carlisle bought it on my dad's behalf. They're both control freaks. It's my money, but seeing as… well… dad put the money there in the first place, he as access to it. One of the other Doctors at Uncle Carl's hospital was selling it and he told my dad, who thought I'd love it and he apparently transferred the money. And now I have a Volvo C70," she says, a little disgruntled look on her face. "He brought it home this afternoon. I was gunna tell you all about it and get you to have a look under the pretty girl's hood after the game, but… well, you hurt your hand and…" her face lights up with mischief, "Well… you looked under a different girl's hood instead."

My seatbelt is already off, I didn't even bother to put it on, and I launch myself at her, fingers scrambling to untuck her wet singlet top, "I didn't really get to have a _good_ look at it earlier Ness. I think I better do a much more thorough inspection," I laugh as she squeals, halfheartedly attempting to bat my wondering hands away. You don't tease a guy like that and expect to get off scott-free. She's mine now and I figure I'm allowed a few wet t-shirt peeks. And a few good tickles of her ribs for punishment for being a tease. And just because she feels good under my hands.

"Uncle, uncle!" she cries as my good hand manages to lift up her top and I kiss my way up her torso until my lips lift over the line of her bra and I blow a big loud raspberry on the top of her titties. "They're inspected enough! Enough!" she cackles. I pull back. I don't know where the fun came from. It's that confidence thing she brings out in me. But I like it. I like it so very much. With Bella, as soon as we kissed, it all just became about the sex and stuff like that. But already I see that whatever friendship I have with Ness, it's now only better and more complete with this new physical element added in.

I lean my head on her brow and we both take a minute to catch our breath. Both almost cross-eyed as we continue to look into each other eyes, both with matching, face splitting grins.

"You have the most beautiful smile Jacob," she says, tracing her index finger over my lip, tickling the sensitive skin in its wake. "You stopped smiling for a little while back there. I hope you don't ever have a reason to stop smiling again. It's not fair to deprive the world of something so blindly magnificent."

I think the exact same thing back at her, but instead of telling her, I show her. She's already pressed against the side door and her head gently comes into contact with the glass as my lips meet hers and I press her a little further back. We make out for a while longer like this. Hot and steamy in the cabin from all the wet skin and clothes. Our touches sticky and hard to navigate until we both seem to be feeling the humidity building up to an uncomfortable level and we pull back and move to sit.

"Come on," I say, only half opening my door, preventing the rain form coming in any further but letting the interior light come on. "Let's see if I can find you something that will fit."

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**That was only a short one, so I'll do my best to give you another on in the weekend. **

**Hope you enjoyed folks. **

**These two are in love and we have a little more loving time coming up soon.**

**Review if you liked.**


	23. Chapter 23 - Funny Business

_**So thanks to **__**Pidgie, **__**Aretee, Amazon Black and Guest for your reviews last chapter. I only got 4 last chapter and your loyalty has kept me going.**_

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_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

_**She's already pressed against the side door of the car and her head gently comes into contact with the glass as my lips meet hers and I press her a little further back. We make out for a while longer like this. Hot and steamy in the cabin from all the wet skin and clothes. Our touches sticky and hard to navigate until we both seem to be feeling the humidity building up to an uncomfortable level and we pull back and move to sit.**_

"_**Come on," I say, only half opening my door, preventing the rain form coming in any further but letting the interior light come on. "Let's see if I can find you something that will fit ."**_

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**Chapter 23- Funny business**

We jump out of her car and make the short dash to the porch. Standing in the light of the entryway, we shake off the little bit of rain we caught in the few yards between. I lead us into the front room, and am suddenly nervous as hell that I'm bring Ness into my home for the first time. We don't have much money, dad and me. Our house is simple. It's tidy for a pair of guys living alone without a feminine touch. But it's plain and not even close to the level of affluence I know she's used to. She looks around the TV room. Stepping away from my side and over to the photos on the mantel.

"Are these your sisters?" she asks, moving over each family photo dad has up there on display.

"Yeah, the one holding the baby is Becca," I say catching up to her and standing behind her, looking over her shoulder. She leans her head back into the cook of my arm, her hand reaching up and smoothing over my cheek. "Your mom was really pretty," she whispers up to me. I feel the sensation of a warm blanket ghost over me and, if I was ever gunna feel her presence in this house, I think I just did then.

"Yeah, she was," I whisper back. My hand smoothing over the goose bumps on her arm. "You're getting cold babe, come on. Let's get dried off."

I lead her down the narrow hall, stopping to grab some fresh towels out of the linen closet. I stop for a second outside dad's door. He's probably asleep but I'd be in so much shit if he found out Ness was here, in the middle of the night, getting undressed… and I didn't tell him.

So, leaving Ness in the hall with a quiet, "wait here," I creep into his room. Leaning over his bed, I gently shake him awake, "dad… dad," I whisper-yell.

He stirs from his sleep a little, "Jacob? What? What's the matter?" he croaks, lifting off his pillow.

"Nothing," I say softly, "I just wanted to tell you Ness is here. I met her after I talked to Seth and we got soaked in this storm and I'm just giving her a change of dry clothes before she drives home. I just wanted to tell you."

"Oh, okay son. That's okay. No funny business though," he mumbles, his head hitting the pillow again as he quickly returns to slumber.

"Night dad," I say as I exit his room and quietly close his door.

"He's okay," I say to Ness as I grab her hand and lead her past my sisters' old room and into my tiny annex out back. "So, this is my room. Not quite as nice as yours," I say pushing the door open and towing her in. "And not as tidy."

Oh shit.

My rooms a fucking pig sty. I fumble to pick up all the dirty clothes strewn around the floor. My bed is a mess of blankets and I hastily struggle to smooth it out. Flicking the bead spread in the air only to expose the black label Play Boy I have hidden under there. Oh fucking mother of god, shit balls. I hope to god she didn't just see that. I hazard a glace to her and oh no. Fuck me. She saw. She's laughing her tits off and crawling over my twin size to grab it. That is not gunna happen, so I take a running dive for it and tackle her to the mattress just as her tiny hands grab on to the dog-eared glossy mag.

"What's this?" she laughs, lifting it up over her head trying to stop me from reaching it. Not a chance, my arm is twice the length of hers and I've got the contraband before she has a chance to goad me with it further.

"Hey!" she whines as I hang upside down off the bed and stuff it somewhere underneath. "I was gunna read that!" she continues to hoot at my mortification. Her laughter full of tease and joviality.

"Not a freaking chance Ness. I'm sorry," I say, not at all sorry and lifting up from my inverted position from the side. She moves to sit against the head board, her eyes wet with tears of laughter. She is having _way_ too much fun at my expense. It's mortifying but I know, deep down, that it's done with love. Still… I sigh and throw myself face down into my pillow next to her. Mumbling into the down, "I can't believe you saw that".

I'm lying prone, sprawled diagonally across the bed and shaking my face shamefully against the motorbike pillow case as she shuffles down. I can feel her warmth stretch out along my side before she moves to lie on top of me. What. The. Fuck? It is one of the most singularly sensual moves I've ever felt. Her face is pressed into the side of my neck and her damp hair curtaining around us both. I can feel her entire body as it presses against me. Her boobs as they squish between my shoulder blades, the soft line of her tummy as it moulds against my back. One leg is alongside my hip and thigh, the other, between my legs, and her hands travel up my arm, from my shoulders to my wrists, until she entwines her fingers between mine. I feel her breath on the back of my neck and a warm shiver runs over me. I'm surrounded by this woman, she's engulfed me, possessed me and I couldn't be happier about it.

"Don't be embarrassed baby," she breathes, against the shell of my ear, a surge of benevolent energy zapping across us. "It's perfectly natural. It's actually pretty hot if you really want to know."

I turn my head towards her and her lips meet the edge of mine. A supple kiss before she nuzzles over my jaw, her lips soft against my three days of growth. Her caress is gentle and instinctive like, it's nurturing and loving in its intent. My uneasiness forgotten in the presence of such care. This is what she does to me. My hand comes up from where it's been wedged under the pillow and traces lightly over her brow and cheek. "You're so amazing," I whisper. She's done it again. She's given me just what I need.

"Well then, I guess we're well suited then, aren't we? 'Cause I think you're pretty amazing too, Jake."

I hold her shoulder awkwardly as I attempt to roll out from underneath without completely flinging her off of me. With a little bit of shuffling we both end up lying face to face, our heads sharing the pillow. I pull her in close to me, our hips pressed close together as we share this time and space.

I lean in closer and our mouths meet. It doesn't take long for the gentle touching to become more needy and heated. Simple kissing transitioning to deep tongues in the back of the throat. Hands roaming over lines and curves.

Shirts lifted up. And then shirts lifted off.

My mouth leaves hers as I roll her on to her back, moving to lie between her legs, pressing my evident need against her little soft thigh. She arches her back off the bed and reaches behind herself, unclasping her own bra. I help her, dragging the straps off her shoulders and revealing her prefect tits in all their glory.

"Oh Ness." I croak, my voice lost in its husky need. Any further words lost as my face burrows into the valleys. I wanna take up residence between these boobs. Her hands wind up, combing through my hair and pressing me into her further. I can't imagine a better place in the wold than nestled between Nessie's titties. They're round and firm and soft and full and perfect and mine… Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

What I wouldn't give to _possess_ all of her. I wonder how long I'll take us to get there. I think I'd like to go there right now. But I promised dad no 'funny business'. Well, he just said it, then he was back to sleep before I could answer him. But the implied agreement was there. And anyway, we've only been dating for, what? Four hours? And we haven't even gotten into the whole _Angelus factor_. I don't know how the fuck I'm gunna broach that one. But her titties are simply perfect and she's letting me lick all over them and her nipples are hard and firm on my tongue. Her quiet, happy, content noises spur me on. I think they're actually her aroused noises. I don't know yet. I plan on learning all her little noises. I like these sounds coming from her lips.

I kiss my way back up her chest, tracing my tongue along the line of her collarbone, blowing warm breath over the wet skin before finding her lips again and making sure I get some more mystery sounds out of her.

Everything is stopped however, with the chirping of her phone. Our kisses breaking off and my hands moving off her perfect boobs as she crawls over to where she dropped her cell before she launched to grab the black label.

"Oh shit!" she says, sitting back on the bed, facing me in nothing but a skirt and belt clinching her waist. Her damp hair is falling over her bare shoulders, pink budding breasts on healthy display. "It's Aunty Es, she want to know if I'm okay. It's after twelve. I should have been home by now." She rests her hands on her crossed legged lap, looking at me for advice. Then, as if only just realizing she has no top on, she shifts to find her bra and top where ever they landed, tossed in her passion. Our passion.

I know it's past her curfew, but I don't want this love bubble we have going to pop just yet. It's more like a sex cloud, but I'm trying to be a gentleman here. I'm calling it a love bubble okay? So I follow her movements, crawling over her and running my hand up her back, my nose drawing a line along her spine until it reaches her nape. The skin on her back is as perfect and smooth as the skin on her front and it's all the same perfectness as the skin on her porcelain like face. Which, for the record, is perfect fucking awesomeness. My free hand, my good one, has a mind of its own as it reaches around and cups a breast softly as I bow kisses behind her ear.

"Maybe you could just stay here. Tell her you had car troubles or something," I murmur into the soft skin of her neck. Her shoulder rising to rub against my jaw was she presses back against me. On all fours, like we are, I realize with a large surge in my already painfully large erection, that we're basically doing it doggy style just with clothes on. Well… _half _our clothes. No funny business, what-so-ever!

"As much as the idea of waking up next to you sounds wonderful. We can't baby," she whispers over her shoulder, her eyes meet mine. "Uncle Carlisle and Aunty Es trust me. I'm not gunna blow it by lying to them the first time I break curfew. And any way…" she says slinking out from underneath me and sitting on the side of the bed, one arm over her chest, her hand tucked securely under her armpit, the other working her touch phone like a pro. She keeps on looking down, typing out her excuses on the phone. "And…" she looks up briefly at me, then quickly back to the home page of her cell. She wants to tell me something but she seems shy; this shy side of Ness always confounds me but it's so damn cute too.

"And…as nice as all this base running is…I'm not quite ready for the home run. I mean. I _am_. Obviously I_ have…_ I just… I haven't… not since… and I…" her voice is fading and I see _that_ look. Originally, weeks ago, I thought it was a look of wisdom beyond her years. It's not. I mean, she is; wise beyond her years, that is. But that look, I'm beginning to recognize, is the look of a woman who has buried a child. That broken woman resurfaces sometimes.

God I can be an insensitive dickhead some times. I knew she and her ex, Luca weren't a _real_ couple during her short pregnancy. If I stopped to think about that for just a second and with my _brain _and not with my dick, I would have realized that. We really should have talked about this before we started to get carried away. We can talk about it now, if she wants to, but by the way she's untangling the straps of her previously discarded bra, I don't think now is the time.

"Here," I say helping her with a twisted strap. She seems flustered, nervous even. A far cry from the girl playing behind the towel in the locker rooms earlier tonight. "You want to talk about it Ness?" I ask.

She finishes clipping up, her hands twisted behind her as she looks at me, sorrow and love and I think some trepidation mixed in to her gaze. "You know what? I do. I so, _so_ want to talk about this," she says looking at her watch. "But Jake, I can't right now. I've… I've really got to get home. Have you got something I can wear? Anything dry will do," she says quickly, stopping the dialogue short in its tracks.

Okay. I can live with that. She does want to talk. But both of us recognize the enormity of a conversation like that and it's not something that should be rushed, or interrupted by worried text from Aunties and most certainly, it is a discussion that should be conducted while fully clothed.

So I jump up off the bed and rummage through my bottom draw. The one that is stuffed full of clothes I don't wear anymore.

"You are such a grot," she says from somewhere on the other side of the bedroom, crouching down and picking up something off the floor by my desk.

"What?" I say, my concentration still in the draw.

"These," she laughs, walking over to me and thrusting a handful of old, drunkenly spat out cherry pits under my nose.

"Oh god. How embarrassing," I moan. I am a grub. I'm in fine humiliation generating form tonight. "They were _your_ cherries, if it's any consolation?" I say pitifully, stopping my search for a shirt. She looks at me for a minute seemingly to think about when _exactly_ she last gave me cherries. It was the night we met.

Then her pint size amused scowl softens and a gratified smile washes over her features. "So you did eat my little care package."

I nod, continuing to rummage through my draw until I find the perfect shirt. "About that," I say handing her my freshman year jersey. "I never really thanked you. For everything that night. I was such an idiot. And I got so wasted. And I mean, Ness, it was such a waste of my energy. She didn't deserve the energy I poured into holding on to a lost cause. And I was so mean to you. And then you went and made me a sandwich and gave me cherries. And I never said thank you. So thankyou. For not letting me make any more of a fool of myself that night. For just listening to me. For making me drink water. For caring. For just being you Ness. Thankyou, for being _you_."

She just stands there after my impromptu monologue is finished. One hand slowly raising up to cover a trembling lip. Her eyes glassy. "You are so very welcome Jacob," she whispers. "What is it with you? I can't stop wanting to care for you. It's like, instinct. I have never seen a more broken man than the one she turned you into that night. All I wanted to do was fix it all for you. But all I could do was try and fix your hangover," she chuckles. Downplaying the serious direction this conversation is headed.

"It worked, I think. At the very least you have evidence of just how much I enjoyed the fruits of your labor," I say scooping the silly discarded seeds from her palm and tossing them in the trash the other side of my desk.

"Thanks," she says as she unfolds the crumpled jersey in her hands and slides it over her head. My lucky number eleven blazing on her back, the V neck of the shirt low enough that the creamy skin of her chest is still showing. Her toned and fucking unbelievable legs bare as they peak out from below.

Sexy. As. Fuck.

Knew it would be.

"Can I ask?" She asks fixing the baggy shirt over her shoulders. "How the hell did the pits get there?' she says.

"Come here," I say taking her hand and leading her back on to my little bed.

"No Jake. I gotta get home," she protests, pulling a little on my hands, but not pulling away from _me._

"Two minutes Ness, then you can go. I'll show you."

She makes an acquiescent sigh as we lie down. But I can see the self-satisfied grin gracing her lips. She squishes up next to me, both of our heads sharing the pillow as I take her hand in mine. "I was so drunk, I decided that the best thing to do would be to I just spit them out. On to the floor. I'm _that_ lazy."

"You're not lazy," she corrects.

"I am when I'm drunk. And apparently, when it comes to cleaning up the mess from said drunken ideas." I take a breath, leaning my head against hers, life feeling pretty much perfect. My new best friend by my side. "Think about it though," I say, levity in my voice. "How good a shot am I to have launched them as far as the chair?"

"Amazing!" she quips. "I think you should ditch Football. You missed your calling in basketball. Your definitely tall enough. All we have to do now is figure out a way for you to shoot the ball with your mouth," she chuckles at her own mental imagery.

Her phone chirps again and she holds it up with an extended arm for us both to read. It's Mrs Cullen. She wants Ness to be home within the next 45 minutes. That gives us 15. With her arm still stretched out in front of us, she turns the camera on. Setting it up for a couple selfie. We take a few, heads still pressed together, some smiling, some pulling silly faces, one kissing.

We don't let it get too heated though, we are on a time constraint.

After less than five minutes of our 15 minutes of time left, we pull away.

I would have been quite happy to just fall asleep with her wrapped up in my arms. But curfews and parents and legal guardians prevent it.

So we move quietly out of my room and out on to the porch. The rain has at least slowed to a normal soaking level, but the air is decidedly cooler and I scoot back inside and grab my Letterman jacket off the sofa.

She happily puts it on; big baggy arms that get pushed up to her elbows and then billow out down to her wrists. Both of us watching each other silently for a cue as to whether or not we should let on just how happy this little gesture make us both. We're both grinning like fools.

"You can't keep it you know?" I smirk as she inhales the inside collar and snuggles into the wool.

"Yes, I know," she sings. "Secret clandestine relationships wouldn't be very discreet if I walked around the halls in this." She pauses and looks up at me, seriousness in her eyes. "I don't want us sneaking around for long though Jacob. We've done nothing wrong. And, trust me, an alleged 'quick transition' between boyfriends is small fry in comparison to what I had to endure in Italy."

"I just don't want either you or Seth hurt. That's all Ness," I'm not stupid, in any high school rumour the guy always ends out on top, the chick's always the slut. Founded or not, that's the way the rumor mill turns. I don't want her shunned.

"I know. That's why I'm going along with this. But two weeks, Jake. Two weeks and then these photos are being posted," she says holding up her phone, her keys jingling in the other hand as she backs down the stairs. Leaning in for one last kiss she asks, "I'll still see you tomorrow? At twelve."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I say against her lips. I don't want her to go. I don't want this night to end.

"I'm gunna make us some Rösti's. I haven't had any since I left mom and dad. I miss my mom's cooking. She cooks from all the countries we've lived in."

"What are Rösti's?"

"They're basically Swiss hash browns, only better and bigger and eaten for lunch and dinner. I had them nearly every day for lunch in what you would call middle school. And oh, I'll make sure I add some bacon. You like bacon don't you?"

I lean back, taking her in and rolling my eyes for effect, "do I like bacon? What kind of question is that? Of course I like bacon."

"Good. Cause I like it too." She kisses me quickly before turning away and trotting to her new car. The rain still coming down in a light shower.

She opens her door and looks back over to me, "turns out we have a lot of similar likes Jake. The most important is you and me!" she beams. Blowing me a kiss before scooting in to the closed up convertible and out of the rain. I see her slide the seat forward, I think it's as close to the front as it gets. It makes me chuckle quietly to myself. She starts up the car and before I know it she's disappeared around the corner, a silhouette of her hand waving between the top of the seats.

I smile, waving back, illuminated by the porch light.

Two weeks. I can live with stolen kisses for two weeks. I'll still get to sit next to her in every class. And now I can smell her whenever I want.

I turn and head back in side, turning off the lights as I go.

I think about how good she looked in my shirt, in my jacket. I like the idea that her amazing nutty vanilla smell, the one that is pure Ness, will be all over my jacket. And as I enter my room, it occurs to me…

…it will also be all over my motorbike pillow case too.

She's mine.

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**Aretee, you are my beta goddess, thank you for all of your time.**

**Thank you to all of you who are still sticking by and still reading this story of mine.**

**Thank you to those of you who take the time to review. It means more to me than you know.**

**...truly.**

** Namaste.**


	24. Chapter 24 - What is normal?

_**Last time on P &amp; C's …**_

_**She opens her door and looks back over to me, "turns out we have a lot of similar likes Jake. The most important is you and me!" she beams, blowing me a kiss before scooting in to the closed up convertible and out of the rain. I see her slide the seat forward, I think it's as close to the front as it gets. It makes me chuckle quietly to myself. She starts up the car and before I know it she's disappeared around the corner, a silhouette of her hand waving between the top of the seats.**_

_**I smile, waving back, illuminated by the porch light.**_

_**Two weeks. I can live with stolen kisses for two weeks. I'll still get to sit next to her in every class. And now I can smell her whenever I want.**_

_**I turn and head back in side, turning off the lights as I go.**_

_**I think about how good she looked in my shirt, in my jacket. I like the idea that her amazing nutty vanilla smell, the one that is pure Ness, will be all over my jacket. And as I enter my room, it occurs to me… it will be all over my motorbike pillow case too.**_

_**She's mine.**_

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**You are all the most awsomest readers' eva. Thanks for all the awesome reviews guys. Thanks to the guest reviewers I could write back to and thanks to those of you I already did.**

**SarBearPidge, I'm glad I could give you a little bit of escape.**

**Aretee, you are my beta queen. Hope the protein shakes are working for you now—you know what I mean (don't kill me for writing this)**

**My word of the day: yonic - Look it up.**

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**Chapter 24 - What is normal?**

Turns out my hand isn't completely re-fucked. Only a little strained and bruised. The doctor gave me a serving about playing without the brace, so did the nurse. I think that's every one now, no wait, I still haven't seen Aunty Sue. But nothing can break the mood I'm in as I drive on over to Nessie's house, brace adorning my still swollen but thankfully not re-broken right hand.

I yawn as I pull up into the drive. I'm so damn tired. I couldn't sleep last night, I was too excited and wound up. She's so pretty and she's so god damn hot, and she's the most amazing person I've ever met and… well, fuck me… my pillow did smell like her; it was like laying on a cushion of pure cocaine for a Nessie addict. I think I could get addicted to this girl. I think I already am.

Before I can get out of the car, as I pull up by the front steps, she's outside and running down to greet me. She has on these tiny pair of denim hotpants, teamed up with a big old floppy three quarter tee-shirt, her pendent bobbing against her sternum but all my attention is on those legs. Those tiny, but on her, loooong legs. I can't help but run my eyes appreciatively up those lightly tanned thighs and picture them wrapped around me as she opens my door for me.

"Hey babe," she smiles, a knowing glint in her eyes. She's seen me looking and she's more than okay with it. She moves to hang off the corner of the door and I pass her a grocery bag of stuff I've bought over.

"Hey," I say back, lifting up out of my seat and landing a soft greeting kiss on her lips. Because I can.

"What's all this?" she asks, opening the bag with both hands and looking inside.

"Just a drink and some snacks," I say, sanding up and wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Dr Pepper and pop rocks?" she asks, laughing at my attempt at witty romance.

I pull her in even closer for a 'hello' kiss. My hands feathering around her middle. She's so tiny. I feel it straight in my dick; that contrast between her diminutive stature and my less that miniature build. I like it that she's so tiny, it makes me feel protective and all cave man like. I think she likes it too because she's distracted from the bag momentarily as she responds to my hands and my lips, pressing her hips into mine and opening her mouth for me to gain access. Our tongues dancing together in a sexy, slow Latin rumba. We pull apart after a time and my chest it surging as she makes this little self-satisfied humming noise and licking her lips. Sexy as fuck. She still tastes like cherries too.

"I think you've eaten some of those pop rocks already," she smiles reaching up and flicking my lower lip provocatively with her finger.

A guilty look spreads across my face. "Maybe a sample. But hey," I say, reaching into my pocket, "I saved this one," pulling out the little sample packet she gave me that night at the movies. The pop rocks I wanted to share with her one day. It's today. "I thought we could toast our secret love affair with this little secret gift you gave me that night."

Renesmee smiles and wraps her arm around me, leading me up the front steps. "You saved it?" she asks grinning, apparently a little chuffed that I have.

"I saved it until I could share it with you." It sounds like a line. But it's not. It's the truth. She knows it, her hand puling me a little closer to her side as we walk through the door.

"Ok, we'll share it in private a little later." Her voice thick with promise and her eyes sparkling with mischief as she snatches the little packet and stuffs in, down her top. I plan on getting that lucky little packet back later on today… with my teeth.

About a million raunchy ideas storm through my mind and my gait gets jerky with need. Ness looks at me over her shoulder, dragging me along and pretending to be oblivious at what she's done to me in matter of thirty seconds.

"I hope you're hungry," she enlightens, "I got mom to email aunty E her Zürcher Geschnetzelte recipe. We're going to Switzerland for lunch!"

She grins then theatrically turns to me, her eyebrows raising in a sassy smirk, "In German…" she says, her voice deep and serious, "_Wir gehen in die Schweiz für das Mittagessen_!"

"And French… _Nous allons à la Suisse pour le déjeuner_!" the words rolling out in a husky breath

"And itallian… _Stiamo andando in Svizzera per il pranzo_!" she exclaims, her free arm gesticulating madly to the air, her sexy voice echoing around the hall way, her simple joy contagious.

I haven't seen her this happy before. It's like she's gunna explode with that light that's in her. And my god, how many languages does this girl know?

I give her hand a tender squeeze. Shocked and proud and just all round happy too. "Starving," I reply, smiling at her absurdity and pleased to just _be_ with this vivacious woman. Some good food is a welcome and added bonus. She's a pocket rocket, over flowing with life. The lifts me up just by being herself. Because who she is… is pretty damn amazing. And did I mention how good her legs look in those teeny weeny shorts as she bounces along in her sprint sneakers, her hair in a ponytail bobbing behind her as she moves? Real good. I bet her titties bounce when she walks like that. Like she's walking on air.

We enter the kitchen… and Mrs. Cullen is there grating some potatoes.

"Hi Jacob. It's nice to see you," she smiles. My fantasy halted like the screeching of brakes and my general enjoyment of the moment quashed somewhat— actually quite a lot— by the presence of the parental. Oh man, I hadn't thought about the fact that the Ed's parents were gunna be here. "Oh, hi Mrs Cullen. Nice to see you too."

"Please, call me Esme, Mrs. Cullen was my mother in law, the good Reverend's wife; bless her soul. "

"Um. Ok?" I mumble uncomfortably and shifting behind the counter top to hide my boner. At my weirdness, Ness gives me a hip bump and a questioning look. I '_what?_' look her back. The last time I was here I was nothing more than Nessie's good friend. And I guess _Esme _knows Renesmee and I are more than that now. But I'm also her future daughter-in-law's, very recent, ex. It's weird. I'm a little awkward for a minute more still. It's not because Esme or this house makes me uncomfortable, per se; it's just that she's the mom of the guy I got dumped for. I'm not blaming the mother for the sins of the son, but... it's just a little weird for me.

And also, I'm taken aback a little to see Mrs. Cullen here in the kitchen with us. I kind of thought this was a lunch date. From the mess they both seem to have made around the counter Ness knew her Aunt was in here and I kind of expected us to have the house to ourselves or at the very least the _room_. With me and Bella, we pretty much spent all of our time alone; in each other bedrooms or on the lounge or in my garage. We'd only go to her place if her dad was at work and we always went to mine when the old men were out fishing. I guess that's not normal though, is it? To _only_ spend time alone with each other—almost always secluded from our other friends and family entirely.

What _is_ normal, is to be a part of everyday life. Making lunch in a family home. Just living a normal life, but doing it together, with everyone else around still. I've just realized how typical it is to want to share the company of people who are important to you with the person you're dating. Cause me and Ness are dating. Oh yes we are! What's not typical however, is to be always racing off to be alone, desperate for a surreptitious rendezvous. 'Cause that was pretty much all Bella and I did. Sex in secret… with the occasional pubic show at a party and at school. Now that I think about it, if our father's hadn't already been friends and our lives weren't already intersected, I think I would have only had dinner at Bella's house, with the chief there but not my dad, a total of three times. Not normal.

And then there is Ness. My girlfriend. You may have heard of her… tiny with crazy wild long hair, awesome tits, smells like nuts and vanilla and tastes like cherries. My girlfriend. Ness's motto in life is all about trust and living life to its fullest. I realize with clarity that is long overdue; that Bella and I wasted so much time trying to _steal_ time.

I wasted so much time on _her_.

At this epiphany of what a normal relationship should be like, my discomfort with Mrs. Cullen being right here subsides and soon, the three of us are working comfortably in the kitchen. Cooking away side by side. I have been given the task of continuing to grate the potatoes while Ness takes the shreds and squeezes all the starchy liquid out as her aunt prepares the rest of the ingredients. We mix everything together and soon we have little potato cakes bubbling in a hot pan. Her aunt checks on something delicious smelling that she's had simmering on the hot plate and layers some bacon in a third pan and then she makes an excuses about getting the laundry from the dryer and leaves us alone in the kitchen.

It's with a little twinkle of self accord that I note Ness and I didn't have to sneak off anywhere for some privacy. We acted like adults and we're being treated like ones in return. She lowers the spatula and reaches her arms around me the second her aunt is out of the room. Her body pressing into mine as she reaches up for a kiss. I cede and stoop down, landing a light peck on her lips, still not sure how private our moment is and looking around cautiously, waiting for us to be interrupted or caught. Old habits die hard.

"Jake," she whines at my short, chaste kiss. "Uncle Carlisle is asleep after night duty, he'll be out for another few hours and aunty Es will be ages. She always folds as she goes, so we have a good twenty minutes alone. Here," she says, walking backward, towing me along by my shirt, then jumping up onto the counter, "show me how _hungry_ you are," she smiles, emphasizing the _hunger_ in her own voice and pulling me in by the loop on my cargo shorts. Her knees are apart, giving me access to step between her legs and to more or less press my body flush against hers as her gorgeous bare legs wind around the back of mine.

"I'm almost as ravished as you are ravishing," I droll, quite happy with my little show of wit and letting my mouth consume hers. Her hands are in my hair as she pulls me closer still. My dick pressed up hard against the denim of the crouch of her shortie shorts. My hands grip her hips and I happily pull her heat against mine. We've jumped from zero to 80 in four seconds. No problem about that here.

My good hand moves down over the side of her hips, along the outer line of the thigh. I can't resist feeling the smoothness of her legs. My hand winds over the top of her thigh and I play with the long pocket that is hanging out the bottom of the shorts. Just flicking the loose material with my finger, something very yonic about it. One day it will be her little bud I'm flicking. That thought has me pressing further against her, my tongue consuming as I suck and tickle on hers. My hand moves in a long upwards flow as it carries over her stomach to her breast. Palming along, dragging my hand over the material of her shirt and over the silk I can feel beneath.

At the same time her hands have found their way under my shirt, one hand rippling up and down my abs and chest, the other tracing back and forth over the top of my waist band. Playing with the button and rubbing the back of her nails along the groves on my zipper. Not coincidentally, along my confined and feral hard-on.

We are both startled out of our appreciations by the shrill scream of the smoke detector. In our obsession with each other's mouths and bodies we have totally forgotten about the rösti's. Ness jumps off the counter and rips the pan off the heat while I grab a dish towel and madly wave it at the little white disk over in the dining room, innocuous in appearance, obtrusive in its function. I'm waving the linen at the alarm that is attached to top of the twelve foot ceiling, which does nothing to stop the incessant wailing. Esme comes running up from the basement just as the noise finally ceases, only for it to start up again in five seconds time.

"Here Jake," she yells over the din, "stand on the table," and pushes a dining chair out for me to use as a step. Esme opens up all the windows and doors and turns on the overhead exhaust while I fan and Ness starts to scrape the burnt remains of our lunch into the kitchen trash. Thankfully the bacon is saved though. Another minute of fanning, which feels like ten and finally there is silence in the house.

"What on earth is going on down here?" comes a croaky male voice from the stairs to the bedroom wing. It's Doctor Cullen. He's in a pair of lounge pants and a tee-shirt and very obviously has just gotten out of bed. Fuck, we woke him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Uncle Carl. We burnt lunch and we couldn't get the damn alarm to stop," Ness apologizes as she finishes wiping out the fry pan and puts it back onto the heat for a second attempt.

"Don't worry about it. I was beginning to wake up anyway," he smiles, "I got a shadow of sleep in the doctor's lounge last night. It's always good to sneak in a half hour at 3am." He sits down on the stool at the counter as I jump off from my lofty position on the table and move back into the kitchen. I see Dr. C turn to me, a little look of shock flashes across his features as he realizes for the first time that I am there. "Oh! Jacob. Hello," he says, straightening his messy bed hair. Seemingly somewhat unnerved by me spotting him in his pajamas. "How are you? I haven't seen you for months, not since that explosive night of the fourth of July," he laughs.

In another time, when I wasn't his son's-fiance's-ex-boyfriend and his niece's new boyfriend, it would be funny to remember that night. Alice sourced some big fireworks, god knows how, and me and Bells came over and we let them off over the river that runs behind the Cullen's house. It was a really great night, Ali was in fine form trying to choreograph the amateur pyrotechnics and getting frustrated when things wouldn't light or explode in the sequence she planned them. Dr Cullen put on a grill and Mrs C actually made her own ice cream. But the grill was out of heat beads and the ice cream never set and we ended getting Indian take out instead. God bless America. It's was the most ridiculous night of cluster-fucks I've ever seen. It was great.

And I had a little glimpse into the domestic life of a nuclear middle to upper class family. I felt like a part of it all for a good portion of the night. Before I returned home to my wheelchair bound father and the pissy two-bedroom shack with a poor excuse of an annex that I live in. So, yeah, in another time, it would be funny to remember that night. But it's not another time. I _am_ his son's-fiancé's-ex _and_ his brother's daughters current. So it's a little weird again.

But I suck it up and I nod and mumble something in accord. "Yeah, I'm good, sorry about the alarm," I mutter distracted as I move over to Ness by the stove, as if being close enough to her light can protect me from my own dark thoughts.

Ness must see me pale at Carlisle's offhanded yet innocent comment and then there's my less than eloquent reply to his greeting. "Right,' she clips, "from this moment on, I'm forbidding any Bella related talk in this house while Jake is here uncle Carlisle," Ness demands from her position at the stove. She taking the cooking more seriously now. There isn't enough mixture to mess it up again. Leave it up to Ness to point out the elephant in the room though. "I know you guys love her like a daughter but it's still a pretty sensitive subject for Jake. Okay?" she states, turning to her uncle and aunt, spatula in hand.

How the heck does she know this? I haven't told her, we haven't had _that_ talk yet. However, she still knows. She knows me. And once again she's my protector. My guardian angel keeping me out of harm's way. I'm honored and, touched and thankful; but she doesn't need to be quite so protective of me. It might be all a little weird but I'm not _that_ sensitive about Bella. Not anymore. Now that I have realized how unsuited we really were. Now that I realize I may have confused true love with infatuation. I'm not hung up on Bella any more, especially not now that I have Ness. My girlfriend.

"No, it's okay Ness," I say, my braced hand pressing lightly on the small of her back. I don't want this to be weird. And I don't want any demands being made on my behalf. I am a guest in this house and it makes me uncomfortable that she's asking this of them.

"No it's not Jake. They both did a number on you. It wasn't fair and it wasn't nice. Tell him aunty E. They think the same thing," she says to me. I see both the adults shifting nervously. Esme moving to the kitchen side of the counter.

"Ness," I plead, I don't like the demands she making of them. They are entitled to care about their son and by default Bella. Even after all this, she's still my friend. Kind of. And I want her to be happy. Sort of. And that includes being loved by her future in-laws.

"No, Jacob, she's right," Esme interrupts, "I don't think Edward has acted very gallantly over the last twelve months. Last summer _or_ this one. And I'm sorry you had to be the fall out between those two. I truly am."

I look at Nessie's aunt, the open conflict in her features. She undoubtedly loves her son, as she should, yet I think, as a parent, she must be unhappy with Edward and Bella basically eloping last month.

"Don't apologize Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme," she corrects.

"Esme," I relent. "If Edward hadn't come back, he wouldn't have brought Ness with him. And if Bella and I were still together, I wouldn't have gotten to know this beautiful girl here," I say, holding her a little firmer and pulling her in by my side. "And then I wouldn't have had the opportunity to know what true friendship is. And what it feels like to be truly loved,' I say, looking at Ness completely. What I really I want to say is 'I wouldn't have been able to know what it was like to love her.' But I don't want to freak her out by moving too fast and declaring my unparalleled love for her. But I think I do. I love her, that is. Beyond compare. And I think she knows it.

"And then you wouldn't be able to do this," Ness says grabbing my shirt with her fingers and pulling me down and her lips meet mine for a short and light kiss. The kind you do in front of the parentals.

I smile, "and then I wouldn't have been able to do that," I chuckle, nodding and feeling very loved by her little display and even okay she's kissed me in front of Esme and Carlisle.

It feels good to get all that uncomfortable Bella and Edward shit out in the open and if they didn't know I'm dating their niece, then they do now. And—if _I_ have any say in it— I plan on spending a whole lot of time here; for a quite a long time to come and I'm glad we all won't have this hanging over our heads now. Even when I don't think she's right… she is. Ness is looking after me.

"But please," I say, continuing on my conversation with Esme but looking at Ness, "Don't go _banning_ people's names when I'm around—No matter what Ness says," I taunt, pulling her against me as she hands me a serving plate. Then I let go of her as she starts to load the golden Rösti's on the dish. I turn to keep talking to Esme and the doctor over my shoulder, "I mean, Edward is your _son_, and Bella is my father's best friend's _daughter_. There'll be no avoiding them in person on holidays and stuff, so I don't think their names being mentioned is really gunna matter," I shrug and pinch off a little bit of the crunchy potato I'm holding. They _are_ good.

"Well that's very gracious of you Jacob," Carlisle says, "and mature. You always have been a mature kid. I've seen you— at the clinic— helping and looking after your father, it's a lot for a boy to do."

I avoid his eye, I don't help dad for the praise. He's my dad, and he needs assistance some times, so I help him. But the praise comes sometimes, and after four years of being the only one to help, I still haven't figured out how to take it. So I shrug and probably blush under my Indian skin and let Ness direct me to put the plate I'm carrying on the kitchen table. So I do. The conversation is over as Esme comes in to the kitchen to fuss over her delicious smelling casserole with a name I can't pronounce, and Ness is carrying over some plates and cutlery. I go back and get out the Dr Pepper I brought over and of course, the bacon.

We all sit, and I plough into the food. It _is_ good. We make idle chatter around the family table, no mention of the things we talked of earlier. I find out Emmett is going into our school's 'hall of fame'. He seriously is the most successful player we've ever had. Oh, and another little tidbit of spectacular information… Carlisle and Esme are going out this afternoon to visit friends. We're gunna have the house to ourselves. See? No need to sneak around.

After we're done, Esme insists that Carlisle goes and takes a shower, playfully scolding him for being in his pj's at one in the afternoon; I figure it's an ongoing joke for the happy couple. She also insists that Ness and I go do our own thing while she cleans up. So after we help her a little, by stacking the dishes on the sink and wiping down the counter, we escape the Renesmee's room.

We're only just in the door way before she's shoving me into the room and shutting and locking her door behind us. Her arms are around me and lips attacking before I can even register it. But I do register it quickly enough, my hands circling her tiny waist and I walk us backwards to her bed.

We fall down on to the soft mattress and break contact as we re-position on the cushions. I'm flat on my back, hands holding her hips as she straddles me—her little legs astride my abs and chest. She leans forward, a happy glint in her eyes. "Thank you for being okay with everything," she says, referring back to my conversation with Esme, before lunch.

"Don't thank me, Ness. I should be thanking _you._ You push sometimes and I think I don't want you to, but then it turns out it's exactly what I need. I needed to realize that I _was_ okay with it." I look at her, making sure I have her full attention. "You know that right? I'm okay with them. I meant what I said. Without all of _that_, we couldn't begin to have all of _this_," I say shaking her hips and lifting her off the bed by bridging up, my feet flat on the bedspread, my shoulders digging in for leverage and I suddenly raise.

She lets out a startled, laughing shriek and it gives me the idea to jump and jostle her a little more. She's so light, it's easy to lift her all the way off. And she's such a free spirit she just goes with my liveliness. After a minute she starts to play the game in earnest, riding my torso like a rodeo bull. She grabs a hold of my t-shirt cackling with light-hearted abandon. It's the sound of an angel laughing. She leans her knees on the bed as I rock her, and then as suddenly as we started we've frozen. She's somehow moved back and on the next buck, I pressed my cock against her crotch. Right into the spot we'd fit together for sex. Right there. We've both frozen at the suggestive contact, the playfulness evaporating into intent. Mid-air, I keep my hips still, she leans, and lowers her body weight back onto my now hard dick and I let her ride my hips back down to the bed. Her hips moving in little circles, rubbing us both in the right way.

From this position, her on top, our faces are aligned and she leans down to me, landing her lips gently to mine. Deepening the kiss, her tongue runs along the front of my teeth and a wanton shiver passes over me. Her smell engulfs me as I breathe her in. We kiss like this for what seems like hours, her probing with her tongue, my hands searching over her curves, threading in her pony tail, cupping over her round hips and tracing the edge of those short-shorts as they barely cover her glorious ass. All the while her hot little hot pant covered cooch is rolling over my raging hard on. My body starts to rock into her involuntarily, and she starts to rock back into me too.

It's all getting too much, my dick feels like it's ready to explode. I want more.

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**Mwahhhhh. Why yes, I have ended it here.**

**But don't worry readers, that was just the first coarse; a lemony desert will follow next chapter.**

**Let me know how you feel about this... **


	25. Chapter 25 - Popping my rocks off

**So this is really just the second half of the last Chapter, but well worth the wait folks. Enjoy!**

**Last time on P &amp;C's…**

_**Her smell engulfs me as I breathe her in. We kiss like this for what seems like hours, her probing with her tongue, my hands searching over her curves, threading in her pony tail, cupping over her round hips and tracing the edge of those short-shorts as they barely cover her glorious ass. All the while her hot little hot pant covered cooch is rolling over my raging hard on. My body starts to rock into her involuntarily, and she starts to rock back into me too. **_

_**It's all getting too much, my dick feels like it's ready to explode, I want more**_**.**

**Chapter 25 - Popping my rocks off**

I half sit, taking her shirt off, slowly bunching it up her back, and lifting it over her boobs. She sits back, still astride me, her heat palpable as she presses back hard on to my dick. I flop back onto the bed, watching the impromptu show. She lifts her shirt up and over her head, her toned arms reaching above. Her lip's between her teeth as she maintains eye contact, only breaking it when the material covers her face as it's removed. Her long hair is carried out her shirt and lands on her shoulder, bouncing down over one tit, curling and bouncing over the swell. She looks absolutely spectacular sitting on top of me in her little shorts, and a hot pink bra. Spectacular.

She reaches down to the edge of my shirt, pushing it up and I take the hint and sit up enough to get it off. Tossing it somewhere across the room. I don't care where it lands. Then I lay back down, her fingers guiding me lightly to do so. I watch as she reaches into the top of her left boob, and lifts out the little brightly colored candy packet. Damn, I forgot about that. How the heck did I forget about _that_? Otherwise I would have already had my face covered in that silk as I dived in to get it. Ness puts the packet between her teeth and tears it open. The action remind me of a sexy condom commercial. Fuck, my dick is throbbing.

"It's cherry flavored," she says, oblivious to how her little acts affect me. Of course it's cherry, I wouldn't have expected any less for this marvellous girl. She is the cherry on top of my sundae. Hell, she's the sundae too, whipped cream and all.

She leans forward, pressing a little more firmly on my covered cock, as she tapes the edge of the packet, a little pile of red crystals falling on to my chest. Then she leans further forward, her hands flat on the coverlet by my shoulders as she presses up, her hips lifting off of me and her back arching. Maintaining eye contact she leans her mouth down to my chest and slowly extends her tongue, scooping up the explosive candy in one swipe. As she moves to kiss along my chest some more, she leaves wet cool, trails over my skin, focusing on each nipple. Then she sits back up and taps some more of the pop rocks out on to the darker skin of my chest.

I can feel the small tickle as the candy reacts with her saliva before her sweet mouth is licking it all up. I feel the shiver all the way from my chest over my back and scalp then around right back to my dick. I let the sensation wash over me, my eyes closed my hand spayed out on the mattress then I feel her scoot backwards, straddling my lower legs, her nose tracing the line of my happy trail. She moves her lips back and does it again, only now with small kisses along my abdomen, each time stopping just shy of my waist band. Oh yes, a _very_ happy trail. She makes a small line of volatile sugar below my belly button and with wet open mouth kisses, almost killing me with how close she is to my dick without ever touching it.

I let out a long moan as her fingers fall into that little dip of muscle next to my hip bones. That skin there must have a direct line to the base of my cock, because I swear it just twitched when she touched me there.

She sits back up, astride my hips and pressing up against my dick. Her ass does a little wiggle thing against me and my ejac level is now up to 8.5 on the 'about to come' scale. Then she goes and pours the last of the pop rocks right between her boobs. There wasn't much left but it's begging to be manually explored. The 'about to come scale' is at a 9.2 now. If my erection was an earthquake, I'd be knocking down all of greater Forks and most of La Push by now, too.

I sit up, grabbing tightly to her hips and planting my face between those two magnificent, silk covered beasts. "Have I told you, you have the most perfect tits in the whole world?" I say, my words completely muffled by said tits as little explosions of candy erupt in my mouth and against my lips. I lick along the valley that this outstanding bra has created in long, wet strokes; like a dog.. Call me Rover any day.

She laughs, causing the impeccable titties to wobble a little against my cheeks. Perfect.

"And you have the most amazing shoulders and back in the whole world," she replies, her hands creeping up the side of my arms and fanning over my delts and lats, her warm hands against my skin.

I look up from my position between her boobs, my chin nestled between them as I fix my eyes on her, "well, I guess we have both the fronts and backs covered then," I say, giving my pelvis a little tilt, to emphasize my double meaning.

"And the bit's in-between," she smiles pressing her heat back into me. This woman is the queen of the double entendre.

I let out an involuntary moan, my hands moving to unbutton her pants. I get to the button and the first inch of the fly before she stopes me. Her hands covering and stilling mine gently.

"Can we wait a little bit Jake? Just a few weeks?" she asks me, as if her question might have me telling her to go jump off a cliff. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed, my poor dick has been ten millimetres from her pussy for the past, god knows know long, and we were both looking forward to getting closer, much closer.

But I'm not an asshole; I know chicks don't think with their dicks. Firstly they don't have them, and secondly, their brains have more control over their hormones. And what I feel about Ness is so much more than just a physical attraction. So much more.

Can't say the same for my body though. Little J is screaming unfair bloody murder down there. But Jake Senior's brain takes over, telling the little fucker to shut his tiny tube of a hole and I say, "sure, just tell me when you're ready." Mentally shoving little J back down further; like a lion tamer, with a whip and chair. _Kha_-_Chhh_!

Red lighted and ready for a cold shower and a little alone time with Mrs. Palmer, I sit up and my hands softly hold her hips and I start to lift her off of me. She moves off but doesn't go far. Instead of scrambling to get her top back on, like I expect, she keeps it off, and comes to kneel by my side.

Her fingers hover by my belt. "I don't mean we have to stop altogether, babe. It's just that, I'm no prude, but I'd like to wait just a few weeks and anyhow, I had to get a new script for my pill and it's a different brand over here and I have to wait a month, that might be a good time limit to wait, you know?" The sober, responsible part of me agrees, I hope I tell her as much with my eyes. Her eyes are young and pleading as she looks at me with thoughtful responsibility and the next minute they've transitioned into some kind of smouldering sex kitten eyes. Her body shifting slightly, making me see the sexy woman that she is. It's quite a spectacular thing to behold.

"But that doesn't mean there isn't like a thousand things we can't do between kissing and sex," she purrs. Her body slinking up and along mine as she stretches out next to me, pressing her palm against my chest to make sure I lie back down. Yeah. I'm lying back down. Don't worry about it. Ness says there are a thousand things we can still do? I'm back on the bed faster than I can say nine hundred and ninety nine.

She has her head supported on her hand, her elbow bent in to the comforter as she leans down and whispers in my ear. "Can you think of anything we can do between kissing and sex?" her breath warm in my ear, sending a shiver over my body that culminates in my aching dick just as her hand glided down and cups over the fly of my cargos.

"I can think of a few things," I smile. I am the luckiest fucker in the entire universe. My fingers curl over the strap of her bra and play with the smooth skin of her shoulder and the top of her chest. The décolletage I believe it's called. I want to lick it.

"I'm sure you can," she says, sitting up and keeping her palms pressed to my chest to keep me from sitting up with her. I keep my tongue inside my mouth for the time being. A few stray pops of the candy exploding behind my tongue.

"Stay Right. There," she whispers, her eyes holding mine; deep and warm and opening up for me. "You are my guest. It's a host's job to take care of her guest," she says, shuffling down the bed and unwinding the webbed belt I have on. They came free with the pants at Walmart. The soft clinking sound of the buckle and canvas unwinding feels like it pulses directly into my balls. I can feel her tiny fingers hovering over the bulge in my pants. Her knuckles brush over me as she moves to undo the top button. "Will you let me take care of you Jake?" she asks as she makes light work of the zip.

I'm a boxers man. I like the boys to hang free. They don't keep much in when you're sporting an obelisk that resembles the Washington monument though. And I spring out of those pants like the arm of a catapult.

"Oh man," I moan, my voice deep and throaty as her warm little fingers curl around me, moving up and down attentively.

"Do you like being taken care of Jake?" she asks, as she leans back to my ear, whispering. Her face is so close to mine, her lips dragging down over my cheek bone.

"Cause I like taking care of you." I get a quick kiss on the lips before she's moved again. Her hand hasn't left my dick all his time and she makes good on her offer of taking care. Real _good_ care. My eyes close as she works up and down my shaft, then I feel Little J surrounded in a warm wetness. Sucking and moving and… fuck me... she's blowing to.

I have had a BJ once in my entire life. And it was nothing like this. It wasn't from Bella either, she never did anything below the belt with her mouth. Issues with bodily fluids. The one and only time a girl's lips were anywhere near my cock was in the ninth grade. Fern Littlesea had no idea what she was doing and it only lasted for about two minutes before she thought she heard a noise and freaked out that her mom was coming home. This is nothing like that time. Ness knows exactly what she's doing. And I'm no expert, but she's fucking excellent at it. Never stopping, keeping up the rhythm, her mouth dripping and wet and her tongue… I can't even _explain_ the things she can do with her tongue.

So I stay relaxed on her bed while she keeps on at it. The pressure building and I'm at the point where I seriously have to decide where I'm gunna blow my load. I need a towel or a sock. Her T-shirt would work too, I'd use mine but I only brought one with me.

"Oh Fuck Ness. I'm gunna cum" I groan, my eyes squeezed shut, my vision a kaleidoscope of fireworks behind my lids. My hands are clenched in balls, holding on to the covers as she picks up her pace in parallel to my admission. Her hand is pumping up and down my shaft, tongue making circles around the head of my dick. Ecstasy, pure ecstasy.

I open my eyes for the first time she started 'taking care of me' and I instantly regret not doing it ten minutes ago. Before me, is a little pixy woman, curled up, half kneeling on the side of her legs. One hand is braced on the mattress, the other arm has the elbow pressed into the bedding as it supports the hand that's wrapped around my dick. Her little fingers making a fist around me, moving up and down in a rhythm that looks natural to us both. Her pony tail is falling over her shoulder, curled up on the coverlet, occasionally brushing against my hips as she moves her head up and down, in time with her hand.

But the sight that has me wanting to slam my dick to the very back of her throat is the way her pretty red lips stretch around me. Still looking full and plump as my dick slides deeper into her mouth. Then she looks up at me. Her eyes meeting mine as she moves, deliberately tuning her torso to that her pretty breasts are a little more evident.

She slows for a second, her fingers opening up until only her first finger and thumb are holding me. She moves this single finger 'ring' up and down a few more times. Her mouth only taking the tip of my head in. Then sliding her fingers to the base of my dick, holding the foreskin back, she takes all of me in her mouth. Oh Fuck!

I can feel it as I slide against the line of her soft palate, deep and wet and so very tight. She moves me deep within her mouth a few more times and I unconsciously buck into her too. I want to just fuck her mouth so badly. My forced movement have her gagging slightly, but like the fucking miracle trooper she is, she regathers and keeps on keeping on. And by keeping on, I mean giving me a blow job.

I have no control now. My hips are moving of their own accord and she changes technique to match. I can feel that familiar tightening in my back and my hand, brace and all, winds around that long ponytail. I guide her movements and she surrenders her mouth to me. This little win of domination is the last straw for me.

I give her one last out, a chance to grab a shirt of something to help her out.

"I mean it Ness, I'm gunna cum."

I feet her moan around me, I think she just said "good". And that's it, one last thrust and I pull back, almost to her lips, pausing at the apogee before pushing forward, and inwards, deep in the her mouth as an explosion of pleasure rips through me. I can feel her swallow around my dick on the next back stroke. This awareness has me wanting to be ready for another round again. She just swallowed. I didn't think good girls did that. Ness does, apparently. I am truly one lucky fucker. I move a few more times, in and out, before she pulls back. A soft popping sound as she sucks the length of me for one last time. A second, smaller after shock ripples through me at the suction, in conjunction with her dancing tongue still twirling abound my head.

My hand falls limp against her hair, sliding though as she sits up. My body is in a state of Zen-relaxed and spent and so very blissful. I am basically a starfish, floating, mostly naked, on her bed.

Ness crawls up the bed, lying down alongside me. Her top leg resting on my thigh as she pulls the cover from the other side over us both. Her hand is splayed against my chest as she places feather light kisses across it. "You feel taken cared of now baby?"

"Like never before Ness. Like never before. Thank you." I breathe, still a little out of it. I don't know if it's because of the weeks of no sex, or the intense feelings I've been having for Ness and not being able to act on them, or simply her stellar technique. But that was one of the best orgasms I've had in my entire life. And I have had my fair share. With or without a second person present.

I chill in my bliss a minute more. Revelling in the feeling of her hands exploring my chest and abs. The feeling her lips give as they caress my skin. The scent of her body and her hair as it presses against me. I let Ness encompass me.

I finally rouse from my waking dream. My hand starts running around the lines of her soft skin, her toned arms, my fingers raising goose bumps as they tickle up and down and then further along the edge of her back and her hip. I cup my hand under the back of her knee, pulling her leg across my stomach.

I move my hands to the still half opened zipper of her fly. Ready to repay the favour. "Now it's your turn," I say, sitting up and placing my hand across the top of her chest to keep her lying.

She presses against my hand, straining to sit up. "Wait Jake. I'm okay. You don't have to repay the favour."

"But what if I want to? What if there is no debt? Only rewards for me Nessie. Only rewards."

I see a little flush spread over her cheeks, her eyes looking down to the way our bodies are sprawled over each other. She shifts on to her side, propping her head up on one elbow, her other hand covering her naked chest. "Kiss me first," she smiles, looking down at me, a few wisps of her hair falling over her eyes. I reach my hand up tuck them behind her ear.

"I just came in your mouth," I reply, shaking my head. I ain't kissing her lips.

"So? It's your cum Jacob."

"Yeah. Still not kissing it."

"Amateur," she giggles, licking her lips and jumping off the bed and in to her bathroom. I go about tucking my now spent and limp dick into my boxers, and taking off the cargos. May as well get comfortable. I can hear Ness scrubbing her teeth, the water turning on and off again. Then a few seconds later, her pretty face and smoking body emerge out of the bathroom, now though she's in only her bra and panties, her hair outr and fanning over her tits. Oh yes she did.

She stands at the doorway, leaning her shoulder on the edge. She's nibbling lightly on her lip and her eyes are soft but still with that sparkle of light. I love how confident she is with her body, she should be— it's an out of this world, stellar bod. She's a fucking miracle of nature. A manifestation of a celestial being. Small and soft and curves in all the right places. I want to run my hands all over her. My lips. My tongue. I want to know what she tastes like.

"Come here angel, I want to say thankyou," I say, sitting up on the bed, my arms reaching out for her. But at my words, I see the sparkle in her eye fade. Her hand absently coming up to clutch the angel pendent around her neck. Angel. Angelus. Fuck! Good one Jacob. You fucking idiot.

I see her looking at me. I'm pretty sure she sees the recognition of my fuck up across my face. "Oh shit, Ness. Sorry, I didn't mean to." I say moving to get up and walk towards her.

She lets me hold her, leaning her weight on me as my arms wrap around her tiny body. "No. Iit's okay. It's my hang up. I have to be less sensitive about that word" she mumbles against the bare skin of my chest. Standing upright like this, her face is in line with the bulk of my chest. A little hard muscle pillow to rest her head on. I pull her in a little closer, my braced hand combing into her ringlets.

"Don't say that sweetie. You're more than entitled to feel things when you're reminded," I say softly in to her hair. I breathe in her nutty, exotic sent. I've decided it must be her shampoo because it's more concentrated in her hair. It's carried in the air around her, but the best is when I breathe in her hair. Weird fetish developing? Maybe. Don't care. She smells nice and I'm still gunna smell her.

"But look what I've done," she sighs, a broken sob straining from her throat as she pulls back from me and looking up in to my eyes. Her arms still around my middle our hips still pressed together, my fresh boner from seeing her in her underwear conspicuously between us. "I've gone and ruined everything," she all but cries, her gaze shifting to the carpeted floor. "I can suck you cock and stand here in nothing but my underwear, but call me a tender pet name and I freeze up. What the fuck is that?" her shoulders are slumped, her hair falling across her face as her hand drop absently from my hips.

"I'm so fucked up. I don't know what the hell I want. I mean… I do." Her hand coming up to lie gently over my chest, over my heart, as her eyes, gassy and tortured look up at me. "But then I just… I don't know. It's not you Jake… it's just… me. I have to find a way to make my brain catch up with what my body and heart wants," she pleads. Then she slumps in resignation. Her hair falling over her lowered face again. "Why does everything I do always come back to him? I don't want to forget, but I want to stop remembering. Every-single-day. I want to stop being reminded of him in everything I see." she says, this time the broken sob, escaping into a cry. "I'm ruining everything!"

I'm taken aback at the defeated tone and anguish I catch on her face. Where has the confident woman who mesmerizes me gone? Before me is a broken little girl. The one I may have mistaken as a twelve year old that night at the pool party, here in this very room.

"Hey," I croon, my finger gently under her chin and raising her face to me. "You're not ruining anything," I say, brushing her hair back off her face with both hands. She just look's up at me, unconvinced and presses her hips again into my cotton covered hard-on as if to validate her self-criticisms.

"I mean it Ness. You haven't ruined anything." I'm throwing as much conviction into my voice as I can. Because I do mean it. As much as my dick might try to complain. I'm falling in love with this woman. And if the broken girl inside of her isn't ready for more physical intimacy, then I'm not either.

She still doesn't look convinced, she looks like she's blaming herself for putting the brakes on whatever we were gunna just do. The only way I think I can convince her is by showing her. I don't know what her other boyfriends were like— but I want more than just sex and an astounding head job. I want her. All of her. Body, mind and soul. And her soul is obviously hurting still. I want her to tell me about it. Trust me enough to confide her feelings and fears. I want her to have faith in me.

"Let's talk about it," I say, releasing her chin and bending over to grab her shirt off the floor. "Tell me about everything again. Show me _all_ the photos. Explain to me what you feel. What you felt."

I pause for a second, sucking in a breath and brace myself. "Is it also about Luca?" I ask. I don't want another person in this room with us. Especially not her ex. But if the father of her baby is on her mind, I want to know about it. I don't want to be blind sighted by the absent challenger ever again.

"No. God no. It's not Lucca. Honestly Jake. That was really more of a physical thing. A 'ciao, come è stata la tua giornata?'…and then off to his room to get naked. You and I have talked more in the month that I've known you, than Lucca and I ever did in the two years we we're together."

It's a déjà vu of Bella and me. All physical and not much emotional. Her possible hang ups about her ex haven't been a big worry of mine, but it's been playing on my mind a little. I feel reassured somewhat by her openness about her and Luca. Still makes me as jealous as fuck. But I appreciate her honesty nonetheless. I hand the oversized tee to her and she takes it. Unwinding the inside out sleeves and pushing both her arms in. "I don't know how to explain it babe," she says forlornly. "It's just a little trigger and then his little face in in my mind. Nuzzling again my breast as he struggled to breathe. I can't get that memory out of my head. It keeps a haunting me," she whispers, a single tear escaping her lids and trailing over her cheek. I lift my finger up and wipe it away.

"You just have to make more memories Nessie. We'll fill that amazing brain of yours up with so many joyous memories that it'll take some digging to get the heartbreaking ones up to the surface." I say, pulling her against my chest. Her arms are still caught in her half dress shirt and I trap them between us. Her fist pressed under her chin as she looks up at me, my lips covering hers briefly. Noting passionate. A kiss to say 'I'm here, I'm falling in love with you and I want you to have faith in me'. But I'm not ready to tell her this yet. I made that mistake with Bella and look how that turned out.

"Are you sure?" she sniffles, holding the bunched up neck of her t-shirt in front of her, before throwing it over her chest.

"Yeah babe. Tell me everything," I nod, taking her hand and sitting down on the bed. She unwinds her fingers from mine and rushes over to her closet. I can hear her rustling about for a minute and then she emerges with a shoe box. Walking over to the bed, she opens the lid and pulls out a little white photo album.

"Come up here," she says quietly, crawling up to the head board and rearranging the multitude of pillows. So I follow, and we settle in next to each other. Both our bare legs are stretched out alongside each other's. I slink my arm around her and lean her shoulder against my chest. She leans against me securely. I like the way I can support her, physically at least. So in nothing but our underwear, plus a baggy t-shirt, her glorious urbane hair cushioning between us, I watch, over her shoulder as she opens the little white photo album. It's embossed with gold trim, an imprinted gold cross on the cover. She takes deep breath, her back pressing further against my chest as she does, and she opens the front cover. "This was Angelus. Angelus Fiorentino-Cullen. My son."


	26. Chapter 26 - Secret Happiness

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

"_**So in nothing but our underwear, plus a baggy t-shirt, her glorious urbane hair cushioning between us, I watch, over her shoulder as she opens the little white photo album. It's embossed with gold trim, an imprinted gold cross on the cover. She takes deep breath, her back pressing further against my chest as she does, and she opens the front cover. "This was Angelus. Angelus Fiorentino-Cullen. My son."**_

* * *

**Chapter 26- Secret happiness**

**R PoV**

Jacob took seeing all of my photos of Angelus better that I thought he would. They're not the typical photos in a typical baby brag book; no happy ending, no, 'Oh look how he's grown', in fact, he really wasn't that cute or anything. He was too early to look like a normal, chubby baby. It's not like I expected Jake to _ooh and aah_. I know how much it probably freaked him out. I don't know what I expected…but… I didn't expect him to be so _supportive_, so attentive; like he genuinely cared. Every question, he brought back to _me_, and how I could use my own insight to help start to move forward. Every query was considered and thoughtful… loving. I didn't expect that from Jake. Luca tried in the weeks afterwards, but he and I didn't have that type of relationship— One where we _talked_ a lot, that is.

What I really didn't expect though, was to be so _freed_ after showing Jacob the album. Somehow, on Saturday night, my healing process had a miracle balm smeared over my damaged heart. Jake is my unguent; Natural and organic, healing and restorative. All because he cares. He cares about me.

It's really so amazing that he's happy to just talk so much of the time we're together. There I was sitting in just my panties and shirt, him in just his boxers and all we did for the rest of Saturday afternoon was look at my photos of Angelus and talk. Well... our mouths did a little more communicating up close later on. He looks so amazing in just boxers. A-ma-zing. But we still did a fair bit of talking too.

I did most of the talking I guess, and he just listened. He's a great listener. He brings out the chatter-box in me. I just divulge all of my secrets and feelings to him without a second thought.

I think that I tell him more than I tell Nahuel. That's what Uel thinks anyway. We skyped Sunday night after I came back from La Push. And now my friend all up to speed with the Jake and me thing. Uel wants to give Jake a friend request. I'm not too sure I'm ready to have Jake be bombarded by my old friend's passive aggressiveness. I told him not to, I think he'll send the request anyway. When has Nahuel Remoras ever listened to his little Nessie?

Jacob listens to me though. He asked me around to his place for Sunday lunch yesterday and I got to meet his dad, finally. Billy is quite the charmer. I think I got straight into his good books with the diabetic cheesecake I made. As mom always says, 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach… or his dick'. Okay, mom didn't tell me that second one. I figured that out all by myself. But she did tell me the first bit.

Speaking of dicks. Oh man. We totally went to third base after lunch yesterday. He keeps on reminding me that I just need to make more happy memories, so that the sad ones are harder to find. With Jake's help, the 'happy memory bank' is getting fuller by the day.

I can't believe this magnificent specimen of a man is all mine. We're keeping it a secret still. Which, for the record, sucks. But I get why he's so insistent. I know, first hand, how girls you thought were your friends can change into first class bitches. Not that even have any female friends here in Forks yet anyway. But still, I think there would be no problem in us going public on this. It's not as scandalous as getting pregnant at sixteen was. But both Jake and Seth seem to think it's an okay idea to stay hush-hush for a few weeks. They know this school better than I do. The Americans do things a little differently than those in Europe. Or maybe that's just the international schools.

We kids are all so itinerant at those places. Very few students stay at the same school for more than two years. We all get used to friendships coming and going. The same goes for our relationships too.

But it seems I have a few constants in my life now: The memory of my angel, the one that hangs from my neck; and Jacob. The two boys who are closest to my heart. They aren't in competition with each other though, they are simply counterparts to my inner most emotions. One fills me up with love and happiness, and helps assuage the empty hollow the other ones goodbye left in my soul. Jacobs's infectious joy keeps helping me to live my life and being present in it; it stops me form being swept away by my grief.

With Jake I can find the old me, the one who wants to live life to its fullest; the girl who wants to take all the wonders the world throws at me and find the good in it all. Just like the words to that country song; I want to like life like I was dying. And, for a short while at least, I want Jacob to live it with me.

I don't know why I've been this lucky, but with Jake, my glass is more than half full— It's practically overflowing; and letting go of my sorrows is getting easier and easier, day by day—all because of Jacob.

I want to shout this out to the world, let all the kids of this little school know the effect the man has on me. But we're playing the high school game. So, for Seth's and apparently _my_ reputation, it's a secret. We have a secret love. I guess that _is_ a little romantic… and _vastly_ thrilling to think we're going to sneak around like the teenagers that we are.

Teenager…. That was a promise I made to myself, and to mom and dad, when I proposed that I come to the States to live with Uncle Carlisle for a fresh start. I want to be a teenager this year. Sometimes I think I had to grow up too quickly; moving countries every other year; being exposed, indirectly, to the atrocities and cataclysms that my parents work so hard to redress and aid; and of course…

…Last year.

But it's a new school year and a new school, I'm in a new country, and I've made new friends. I have one year of childhood left. One more year to be a kid, a teenager; a love sick adolescent. And I get to do it with Jake.

I get little flutter in my chest at just the thought of him. I know he's gorgeous… that tall dark and handsome all the girls like. But he's beautiful inside too. Excruciating beautiful inside. I'm falling in love. I know this to be true. And I want him to fall in love with me too, eventually— when he's ready.

I want to share everything with Jake; every secret, every hope and every dream we imagine.

I want to hold his hand in the hallways. Be totally cliché and have him carry my books between classes. Slow dance with him at prom. Make out after school, before school… hell, make out with him whenever our teenage hormones demand it.

Oh god, his lips are perfect. Soft yet forceful, full but still so very, _very_ manly.

Swoon.

But I still have to endure the two weeks of secrecy. Try and hide the look of bliss in my eye for fourteen whole days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. I haven't bothered to find out how many seconds, because well, that just silly. But it's still nine more frustrating school days until Jake and I go public.

And when we do, from the way some of the other girls were talking after gym class this morning, I think I may have a few dirty looks sent my way. Quite a few of the girls would be happy to have Jake give them a _third_ of the attention he gave me yesterday. Too bad, I say.

He's mine.

But I'm not allowed to tell anyone that yet, so I just stood in the corner stall and got changed while all of the cheer girls rated the guy's chests. Jake won. Deservedly. But no one realized just how much my vote would have weighed. The other girls were just going off the occasional glimpse across a football field, but my vote would have been based on actual experience. My hands and lips having had explored every square inch of that first class chest. Not that they asked me. I'm just the new girl. With a secret boyfriend. My secret hot, hot, hot boyfriend. Who also just so happens to be my legitimate lab partner.

So here we are, in biology. There isn't a prac lab today, it's just a normal lecture. But I still get to sit next to Jacob. Our knees are touching under the bench. His arm brushes mine when he thinks no one is watching. Just this little rush of skin has my heart racing and my throat tight. God I want to jump his bones today. He has on these ratty pair of jeans. They fit over his butt _so_ good. And that Forks High athletic t-shirt. Oh god. I can't explain it. His shoulders are so wide they barely fit into the shirt and those arms are almost the same size as my thigh. I know this for a fact, because less than twenty-four hours ago, his arms were wrapped around my legs as he pulled my crouch closer to his face. Okay his arms aren't _that_ big. But they are pretty big. I like them.

I like his arms _a lot._

"What are we gunna do after school?" he asks me between writing Mrs. Fullers myriad of notes. I sneak a glance sideways at him. I can feel the blush heat my cheeks at the thought of just what I wanna do. It includes running my tongue along the curves of his bulky muscle and other 'bulky' parts of him too. I'm sure he's thinking almost the same things, because he shifts a little uncomfortably in his seat and we both snicker together at our private and duplicate lustful thoughts.

I like _this_ part of keeping things on the down-low though. We have a private secret that no one else knows. It makes the furtive glances all that more rousing.

"I like that dress by the way," he whispers, as he pretends to drop his pen and leans between us.

It's just on old Topshop dress. Last season's. I got it in London when I went to visit Nahuel last summer. Before I got pregnant. It was a bit big then, it fits me better now. It's army green with yellow flowers on it. It's mid-arm, mid-thigh and pretty high up the front. The back however, has a window. Quite a large window. From the small of my back, right up to the top of my shoulder blades. It's basically backless. Twelve years of ballet, four of them at an elite level gets you one good-looking back.

I may have decided on this particular dress today to specifically drive him crazy.

"I like that t-shirt," I say back. My voice deep and sultry. I see the color deepen on his perfectly tanned face. God he's beautiful. He laughs quietly, his perfect white teeth shining in the florescent light of the classroom as he turns to face the front, pretending he's ignoring me. His smile is giving him away. My staring is probably giving me away too.

The bell goes for lunch break and I get up and exit the classroom without a second glance back at him. I don't need to look to know he's only a step behind me though. I can feel him. My aura can feel his.

"Follow me," he whispers as he brushes past, knocking my shoulder as he does. It probably looked rough to the other kids in the hall, but all I feel is his body heat mixing with mine. What a good little actor this boy is. There's no _boy _about him though. He is 100% m.a.n.

So I follow him as he leads us down towards to gymnasium. A good twenty feet behind, trying to keep a prudent following distance until we stop outside the boys locker rooms. Really? The locker room again?

"I don't know Jake," I say, giving him my best skeptical look as I come to stand next to him. My arm winding around his bicep and melting into his side. I've been wanting to do that I'll morning. But this hall doesn't seem private enough, it's lunchtime, anyone could come in here at any time.

"We're just cutting through. It's the quickest way to the field," he explains, stepping away and holding the door open for me. So I follow him. He laces his fingers through mine as we walk side by side, through the dank smelly boys locker rooms and back out the external door. I love holding his hand. My little fingers fit so easily between his. We fit together. His thumb curls around and tickles the inside of my palm as we walk. I think he likes holding my hand just as much too.

So, hand in hand we walk out over the field, to the back of the away team shed. And there we stop. Me, pressed up against the sun warmed corrugated steel, as Jacob presses his whole body against mine. We spend a good fifteen minutes making out. Thrusting denim covered hard-ons into damp panty covered va-ja-jays.

We pull away after a while, panting and happy breathing each other's air. "What are we gunna do now?" he asks me, moving from in front of me to reclining on the shed wall next to me. Our shoulders touching as our arms press along their lengths. His hand finding mine once again.

"What do you mean?" I ask. Does he mean right now and go for more than second base on the side line of the school field? I think I'm pretty liberal. I know I am. But I'm not into public nudity. Not in daylight hours and not on the school grounds where some random freshmen might come up and I accidentally flash them my tits.

"I mean now… when we go back to the cafeteria. You wanna sit with me?" he asks. I keep forgetting; as much as he's a typical boy… large hands all over decent sized boobs and more than decent erections pressing into little waists. Jake actually wants to just hang out with me sometimes. It's not just about the kissing and the heavy petting. That was Luca. Jake is my friend _and _my boyfriend.

He's a keeper.

He's scanning out over the grass, trying to make his question as off hand as he can. But I know he's been bothered by me sitting with Seth these last few weeks. If I'd known all that I do now, I would have stayed sitting with Jake that first day. After we cut our hair. But after Seth confided in me with all his secrets, I couldn't let the guy think I was abandoning him as a friend. Little did I know that me opting to support a new friend would give the whole school the impression we were dating, including Jake. And that Jake would then think I wasn't interested in _him_. What a mess we've made of something that could have been so simple.

Our mission now, is to not only imply to the whole school that a _straight_ Seth and me are broken up, I'm still a little pissed at him for using me as an unwilling beard by the way, but also to _not_ make it look like Jake and I have just been making out for the last fifteen minutes. Because that's just what we've been doing.

"I want to…" I say, leaning my head on his arm. He so much taller than me. I feel so protected standing next to him.

"But it's gunna look pretty obvious about the two of us hey?" he says, answering his own question.

"Yeah. But, I think I'm gunna take this opportunity to get to know some of the senior girls a bit better. I haven't had much of a chance before now," I say, pressing my lips to the bulk of his arm. But I'll also have to listen in on them talk about my boyfriend like he's a piece of meat without being able to tell them to back the fuck off. That's gunna be hard. "Maybe I'll sit at Lizzie's table. She seems nice." Or maybe she's like my so called 'friend' Raquel in Rome, who turned out to be nothing more than gossip mongering, back stabbing bitch.

"Yeah, she's okay," he shrugs, non-committedly. I wonder absently if they've been a thing in the past. She sure flirts with him a lot. Skankahoe. He never talks about any of his exes though. Not even Bella. I wish he would. He knows all about me and Luca, _and_ Nahuel, _and_ the other few guys I briefly dated in Geneva and in Rome. I wonder if he and Bella ever came back here, behind the away shed to make out. The question is out of my mouth before I have a chance to rein it in.

"Did you and Bella use to come here to make out?" I ask. Mentally face-palming for being quite so candid.

"What?" he asks, lifting up off the tin and standing to my side.

"You and Bella. Did you…"

"I know what you said. Why the hell would you want to know that?" he asks, perplexed but still with a hint of that gorgeous smile on his lips.

I shrug, I don't really know the answer to it; Jealousy? Maybe; Morbid curiosity? A little; Desperately wanting to know if he still loves her? Yes… a lot.

"I don't know," I mumble, shrugging for a second time. "You just never talk about her. And you brought me here like you've brought a girl or _girls_ here a few times before." I flick a glimpse at him, keeping my eyes down at my cute yellow flats with the green polka dots.

"Ness. Are you worried that I'm still hung up on Bells?" he asks, as if it's the first time it's occurred to him that I might just be exactly that. Worried. He call's her 'Bells' for crying out loud, of course I'm worried.

"A little," I say. I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend type. But that little green monster is so insidious. I try to not let it fester. "Just be honest Jacob. I have been more that honest with you. I think I deserve the same."

"You're right baby. You do. I just… I just thought you didn't want to hear about it. I'm doing my best to not let it drag me down and I didn't want you pulled in too."

"Jake, if you're feeling something, then I'm feeling it too. We're tied together now. What you feel, I feel, so we may as well be honest with each other."

He looks at me for a beat. Those dark, espresso brown eyes searching mine. He plays with those kissable lips, gnawing between his teeth for a few seconds, before leaning in and kissing me. "You're so amazing," he says against my lips. I think he is too. I almost forget what I've asked for a moment until he pulls back and points over to the bleachers.

"Over there behind the far right stand. We had a quickie underneath the stands after a game one night. But here," he says pointing to the grass we're standing on. "I've only ever kissed one girl here, Ness. You."

Oh.

They _did_ do it out here, just not on this _very_ spot. I'm not sure if this answer is a good or a bad thing. It is an _honest_ thing, at least.

His eyes are sincere and open as he looks at me, watching for my response. I don't know what he going to see, _I'm_ not sure how I'm going to respond _either_. But what I do know, is that I don't doubt his honesty. And that he still hasn't answered my question about Bella. "So you're not just re-living a good time with her?" I ask. And _that's_ how I feel about his honestly... still a fair bit uncertain about his true feelings for his ex.

A flash of epiphany flicks across his face. I think he just figured out that I'm frightened that I'll be nothing more to him than he was to her. Emotional fodder. I don't want to be just his rebound girl. I'm falling for him and I don't think I could take any more heartbreak this year.

"What? Christ no!" He almost looks repulsed by the idea. I kind of hope he is. "Ness, I am so over Bella. She'll always be my friend. Maybe not even that, it needs so much work still. A guy can't have his heart stomped on that many times and that hard, and still have feelings for a girl. She fucking well pounded on it, Ness. If she came at me with that sexy lingerie shit right now, I'd tell her to go fuck herself, or better yet, go fuck the Ed," he says flippantly out over the playing field.

I don't really like thinking about him having had seen Bella in sexy lingerie. But I guess, I've been pretty upfront about all _my_ stuff. God— Nahuel even wants to be his Facebook friend. Which I found out he did send last night, by the way. And Jake said he's accepted it. He's such a great guy. I can't really complain that some ex he never sees, once dressed in sexy lace for him. We both have our emotional baggage... doesn't stop me from wanting to claw Bella's eyes out at just the thought anyway.

Jacob then pauses and turns towards me, crouching halfway down so that we're at about the same height. It must hurt his legs to be in that half crouch for very long. "Oh god. Please don't think that I'm thinking of her when we're together Ness. Oh god. That's _so_ not the case. You believe me right? It's _you_ I can't get out of my mind." He's pleading at the realization that his silence over Bella for all this time might have had me worried.

I'm quite a bit less worried now.

In fact I'm willing to skip fifth period to try and see just how much of each other's _minds_ we can get in to.

There's something about Jake that makes me trust him implicitly. Instantly. It's been like that from the very start. I think we must be kindred spirits or something because I just know he isn't lying; and I just know he reciprocates the feelings I have for him. It's my brain that clouds things with doubt and unnecessary jealousy. I have to remember to listen to my gut more often. It's normally right. It was this time.

I smile at him. My hand lifting up to comb through his short hair. It's such a crime that he cut it over that cow. "You're all I can think about too," I murmur, stepping into his personal space and then just a bit more. The tops of my legs are pressed against his, his hips are hard into my stomach and my hands wind around the small of his back. I rub my tummy against his emerging boner and look up at him. Hopefully my eyes are batting. I don't really know how to seduce a guy, but it can't be that hard.

But I'm obviously shit at it. Because Jacob just gives me a pelvic thrust in return and then stands up straight.

He takes me by the hand and leads me back across the field. Towards the cafeteria. "So we're good? You know I'm crazy about you?"

I nod as I do a little skip step to catch up to his giant ones. I'm gunna have to teach him to walk at a short leg pace. I'm not gunna be running all my life just to keep up with him. Wait… did I just imagine the rest of my life with Jake? One with a family and kids? Oh shit. I did. But he said he's crazy about me. And I'm crazy about him too. Though I'm gunna keep that little revelation to myself for a little while longer. Like, until we've been dating for more than four days and until we can be together openly. And maybe until he tells me first.

"Slow down, will you!" I laugh, skipping again to catch-up. "My tiny legs can't keep up with you."

"Oh, teeny tiny Nessie can't walk as fast as big, giant, Jake," the big lump goads over his shoulder. Smart ass. Perfect butt that looks amazing in those jeans, Smart ass.

"Shut it, hulk, now you have to carry me," I say, taking a running leap and attaching myself to his marvellous back.

"Hey!" he calls, grabbing a hold of my legs as I hold on around his shoulders.

"You like how small I am," I whisper in his ear. "Don't you?" I kiss the side of his neck as he walks us into the stinky locker room out of the light of the mid-day sun. "You like that my little body fits into yours. The way my hands fall inside of yours. That you can hold me piggy back and be not much more than a backpack." I breathe down the muscle of his neck, my nose and lips brushing lightly against his skin.

He backs us up against one of the benches and I hop down, keeping my arms around him he pivots and is now facing me. "Yes. Yes Renesmee. I love how small you are." His hands land firmly on my hips, his fingertips touching the bare skin of my back. The feeling sends a shiver up my spine, it curls across my stomach and up to my nipples. They're tightening and throbbing and I want his huge hands all over me. "You're a beautiful, fairy woman Ness. I want to pick you up and throw you over my shoulder right now. And you're so light, I don't think I'd even notice," he says. Oh shit. His voice just dropped that octave it does when he's turned on.

I love that I can turn him on with just a few words into his ear. And now I want to _do_ him in the stinky locker room. Maybe I'm not so bad at seduction.

His fingers are tracing up and down my spine. My skin is alight with his caress. I'm taller than him up on this bench and he's looking up at me. My hands grasp his face, fingers in the hair at his neck, thumbs along his strong jaw and I pull him up to me and my lips lower to his. I love this man's lips. They're so soft and conforming but so strong and commanding at the same time. He tastes like cinnamon gum. I love cinnamon. I can feel his tongue against my lips so I part mine and that exceptionally skilled thing feels it way around my mouth. Playing with mine.

But all too soon he pulls back. "We gotta get back baby. You go first," he says standing back and holding my hand as I step off the bench. "I gotta wait a sec for this boner you've given me to go down anyway," he chuckles. I did that to him. With nothing more than a piggyback ride and a minute of kissing. It's such a turn on to know that I turned him on. The 'turning on' cycle going around and around. We do that to each other.

"Okay, I'll see you in Spanish," I say with a quick kiss. I jump off the seat and holding his hand until our arms are out stretched and we're holding nothing but fingertips, I walk backwards.

"Te echo de menos ya, mi hombre guapo," I smile and wink as I let go of his fingers. I feel the loss already. I just have to go, or I never will. I give a quick look left and right in the door way, then scurry out of the hall way and over to the cafeteria.

* * *

I have my tray and am approaching Lizzie's table by the time Jake joins the line.

Everyone at the table turns to watch him enter, myself included.

"They are _great_ jeans," Lizzie giggles.

"It's like they're painted on that ass," says a girl I don't know.

There is an empty seat next to her so I take the opportunity to put down my tray and pull the seat out. "Great jeans," I agree, feeling my cheeks heat as the memory of just how much 'greatness' in in those levis. "Is this seat taken?"

"No, you take it," the girl says, the half-eaten apple in her hand bobbing in her fist as she motions to the empty chair. "I'm Kim," she smiles, chewing. Her brown hair is dreaded and long, tied up in a scarf and loosely platted, she also has on an Athletics department track suit, Forks Drill Team in bold writing across her chest. She doesn't look like your typical baton twirler. I expect her to have a pair of hemp fishermen pants on, not Forks High Cheer sweats.

"Ness," I reply, pulling the chair in as it scrapes against the linoleum.

Kim snorts a little as she takes another bite of her apple. "Everyone knows who you are Ness. We don't get too many new kids in this town."

I just press my lips together, nodding. I suppose she's right. At the table are three more girls, Lizzie and the twins, Irina and Tanya Spencer. I meet eyes with each of them, a hello in my smile. I hate making new friends. It's easy when they just fall in your lap. Like it did with Jake. But it can be hard work when you have to really try and wiggle your way into a group. I feel like a wiggly worm right now.

"So, you and Seth Clearwater, hey?" Lizzie asks me, her eyes critically running over the dress I'm wearing. Seeming to assess the acceptability of my clothes, and probably the value of my bag and I'm assuming finding it all with in her acceptation. The surname probably helps too. But I'm still waiting for the punch line. Queen bees aren't normally this nice. I don't really care if she approves of me or not. It would be nice. But it's not vital to my existence. I already have friends in this school. Friends I want to protect.

I nod at the blond, here is my test; Can I bend the truth without actually lying? "Yeah, we're kind of doing our own thing for a while," I say shrugging and looking over my shoulder to Seth's table. He's sitting with his friends, some of the sophomore girls are over there too. Our eyes meet and he smiles at me, a knowing look is shared between us. Seth's eyes flick over to Jake's and I see him watching us too, watching me. I give him a hidden wink. The shared secret running between the three of us. We're all playing our parts.

"I thought I might hang out with the seniors for once," I smile, turning back to the girls I've chosen sit with. I'm not above poorly veiled flattery to get me in either. "You know, sit with the cool group."

"Well, welcome to the big kids table," Lizzie says to me. Picking up her water bottle and sipping. I think that was my in. Easier than I expected.

We sit and eat lunch, mildly chatting between us. Mostly about ways to get guys to like them, and when I say guys, I mean Jake. They all want him. But they can't have him… because he's mine.

Just before the bell rings, Jarred and Paul come over to say hi. Paul is such a man whore, he gives me his best sexy smile, complementing me in the dress and sitting on the table right in front of me, his sweat pant cover dick a little too close to my face. I give him a half-hearted thanks, leaning back and away from the weapon of mass destruction and throw my best 'not a chance' look back. I give Jake a quick look and I can see he's going his best to not come over and claim me and then knock Paul's lights out. Thankfully, for his own safety, Paul doesn't persevere with the chat up for long and his attention is shifted to Tanya. She's more like his slutty type anyhow.

Jarred is talking to Kim about a group project they're doing together. It's so obvious to me that she has the hots for him. He seems totally oblivious. Stupid boys and there oblivious ways.

"Hey Ness," comes a voice behind me just as the bell goes. It's Seth.

"Oh, Hi Seth," I say, acutely aware of all the eyes at our table now watching me, and a good few more around the room too.

"How was Friday night after you dropped me off?" he asks. He wants to know how it went with Jake. I'm dying to spill all the gross details to him. But I gotta play it cool. We've just broken up as far as they're all concerned.

"Yeah, ok," I mumble, trying to look like I'm sad because that was just after our 'break up'. What I really want to say to him is '_OMG, Seth, it was the best night ever, and me and Jake made out by the beach and then got totally soaked in the rain and then made out in my car and then got out of our wet clothes and made out some more and sprinted to second base in his room'_. But I can't because we've got to pretend like we've just broke up.

I change my posture, a coolness forced across my face, my shoulder turning away from him. "I was busy enough without you," I bite, "no need to concern yourself with what I do anymore Seth." I sound hurt and bitter. He steps back, fooled momentarily buy my hostility. I flash him a look that I hope he reads as all part of the façade. And he nods silently. He knows I'm putting on the amateur dramatics for him. As a _queen_, he should be proud of my _drama queen_ capabilities.

"Whatever Ness, I was just asking. Don't have to be a bitch about it," he snaps back. It's only play-acting but I don't like to give 'hate' power, even if it is bogus hate. I'm gunna have to fix this bad karma later.

Seth walks off in a feigned pout. Hopefully convincing every one of the coolness that is now between us. Paul is sniggering, so I guess he's convinced at least. Asshole.

At Seth's exit we all get up to head to our next classes. I have AP Spanish. And so does Jacob.

Just thinking of sitting next to Jake in class has by stomach aflutter. I break off with my new '_friends'_ who head in the opposite direction.

I am only a few feet from my locker when I'm stopped in the hall by Gwen, my teaching associate and supervisor on Saturday morning ballet classes. She is technically the supervisor but I am the only one who can actively dance out of both of us. She's good at telling the kids the steps and position, and then I show them what it should look like. I end up being the teacher nine times out of ten. And not that I'd ever say it to her— but even though she is _technically_ the supervisor and I'm the assistant, when looking at us _technicality_… I am the superior. Two years at Le jeune Ballet in Geneva and then another two in the pre-professional classes at Rome's centre of Dance gets your technique pretty squared away. I might not be on the professional fast track any longer, but that training is still ingrained. Here at school though, she is the superior and I have to call her Miss Baker, because she's an art teacher and I am a student … and having danced in an international amateur company doesn't mean jack.

"Renesmee," she calls, jogging up to me, her voice is sweet and British Columbian. "I was hoping to find you. I need a huge favour." Her eyes are large and blue and they stand out on her pale skin with the dark kohl pencil she uses.

"What kind of favour?"

"I need you to join the drill team."

"The what?" Oh god, she wants me to be in the marching band. Or something. I can't twirl a baton for shit.

"The drill team, the dance team."

"What, wait. You have a _dance_ team? Why didn't I know about this?" I can dance for my gym credit? And I've been struggling to think of which club I'd like to be in. It's been a toss-up between yearbook or the drama club, but yearbook it a very tight knit group and drama won't start until after football season is over. And now Gwen, I mean, Miss Baker is handing me one. Score.

"Most of the teams were decided last year. But one of my seniors, Kate, do you know her?" I nod, I've seen the gorgeous tall blond around the halls. "She's gone and gotten sick, really sick and I need a strong leading dancer to fill in for her."

Reading between the lines I wonder just what she means by 'sick'. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later with the rumor mill. Nevertheless, I won't be a contributing factor to the wind in its sails.

"_Leading_ dancer?" I ask, I see this as both a good and a bad thing. It's great that I can dance in a troupe again. It probably isn't classical but it is structured and hopefully graceful, and the artistic release I've been craving for months. It's been nearly a year since I got kicked out of my Italian dance school and I haven't done any sort of arranged dance since then. I miss it so much. The down side, however, is I think I'm going to have to tread on someone's toes to fill the gap Miss Baker wants me to fill. There will be girls who have been on this team for years and they're not going to like me taking any kinds of leadership role. I'm going to have to earn their respect. I give myself a mental boost, pushing down the worry that creeps in at the memories of dance school politics. This isn't Rome, they won't expect perfection like Maîtresse Gautier. I can still have a life outside of dance. I can still eat. I can still have balance. I can have my fresh start and still be able to _dance. _ I can prove myself. I'll even audition if the other dancers want me to. That's all right, I know my skill, I'll show them what I can do. I'm excited. I want to go and rehearse already.

"So will you help me out? They practice Monday through Thursday after classes. And you have to perform at home games and most away games too." That's fine by me too. I get to have an excuse to see Jake more than just in class. He has no idea how flexible I can be. I'm looking forward to showing him in this new position I've got.

I smile at the teacher, "Sure, I'm in. Do we have practice today?"

"At 3:30,"

"Ok. I guess I'll be in the gym at 3:30."

"Oh, Ness. Thankyou. Thanks so much. You're gunna love it. I know you will. And these girls are nothing like cheerleaders. They all get along. No snarkiness, you know?"

"Well that's good. I guess." I step back a few paces, hedging over to my locker. Gwen's lovely but she loves to chat a little too much and I don't have the time today. "Okay, I have to get to class. I'll see you this afternoon." I think I might have time to race home after school and get some appropriate clothes for rehearsal. I wonder if I should take my pointe shoes?

"Yes. That's good. I'll see you this afternoon."

"No worries. I'm looking forward to it." I smile and walk off slowly.

"Oh Ness," she calls and I turn back around "Hate to be the fashion police, but that dress is kind of a bit revealing. There are school policies about showing skin, maybe you should put a jacket over the back or something." She looks apologetic. I'm sure the cheerleader's uniform is just as _revealing. _But it's not Miss Bakers fault, she's just doing her job, I get it. But Seriously? How embarrassing. It's not like I have my tits out. I have to get my head around all the different rules over here.

"Oh. Okay. I didn't realize. I'll cover up."

She nods, sufficiently placated and we both move off. I stop off at my locker to swap some books and grab that all important jacket before getting ready to walk over to building 3.

I _am_ looking forward to practice this afternoon though. I don't know the first thing about a drill team. Sounds a bit regimented, but I'm excited to have a hobby brought to life again. As Jake would say, create more happy memories for the bank.

Life. Death. Angelus.

And that's now only the second time I've thought about my angel today. Easier and easier, day by day.

I am miles away, dreaming about what I'm gunna wear to rehearsal. I _am_ going to put in my pointe shoes, in case I need to give a demo. Show'em what I got. I'm thinking all these things while adding my calculus text to my bag when I feel the heat engulf me. I can sense he is right behind me, his energy fortifies me. He stands with most of his body pressed into my back. Our bodies align, just for a split second before he keeps rolling past and leans his back against the locker next to mine. His perfect shoulders so broad that they easily encroach the locker further along too.

"So you're in with the girls now hey?" he asks, smirking.

He knows he had the attention of most girls when he walked into the room. I wonder if he knows how much it kills me to not be able to claim him when they look at him though.

"And some of the boys too, apparently," I add.

Judging the dark look across his face, I'm guessing he does. "Not funny Ness. Don't fucking give Lahote an inch, because if you do, he'll try to stick all six inches up. Fucking player," he mumbles under his breath.

"Oh baby," I croon. A soft graze of fingertips down his strong arms. "Don't worry. He's not my type. I like my men with a little more brains than that flemwad." My hand finding his, be dammed the public hallway. "I think it's the girls who I have to be worried about sticking me, like, with a six inch knife when they find out I've taken you right under their noises."

A junior girl walks past us, her eyes covertly watching Jake, but I see her, I see them all watching him. He's very easy to watch. Lucky for me though, that I'm the only one he looks back at.

Our hands drop apart before the junior can see us. A little thrill of almost being caught, fluttering through my chest.

"Turns out, have some pretty significant common interests with most of the cheer squad," I say, trying to steer the topic back to safer ground. My eyes must be sparking as I smile up at him, I can't be around Jake and not feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust with happiness. "Namely you," I say, tapping him on the chest. "They all think you're pretty much the most beautiful guy they know." I throw my arms in to my rain jacket, I have to cover up this dress but also, I can hear the rain on the rooftop. Forks weather is so fickle, from between when Jake and I were out on the field kissing in the sunshine at the beginning of lunch, to now, trying to catch a moment of privacy in a busy school hall, it's started pouring.

Jake doesn't comment on the knowledge that me and the other girls were talking about him earlier. I think he's used to girls telling him how good he looks anyway. "They all think you look good in those jeans today." I say, a little smug as I try to make him blush. It doesn't work he just gets this self-satisfied grin creeping across his face. "Lizzie thinks you have the hottest body in school. I think she wants to totally jump your bones," I say still trying to get a rise— with nil effect.

He knows what I'm trying to do, it's called flirting by teasing, and he isn't biting. I give up on the teasing angel, I'm crap at it. I know I am. He is the master of making me blush. I got nothing on his ability to sexy taunt. Nothing I guess, but the ability to give him a boner with nothing but the sexually ambiguous things I say. That I _know_ I'm good at that. He's told me as much.

"But they have no clue how much better the _inside_ part of you is Jake. I know it though. You do too, don't you?" I whisper in his ear. "You know what it's like to be _inside_ someone… and like the pleasant things you find," I say, hopeful in my effort to secretly excite him, as I turn the combination shut on my locker and push off.

We walk to the exit of the building, side by side, Jake just a half step behind me. I know he's checking out my ass. Probably trying to quietly fix his fresh hard on in his pants too. That's okay by me. I cast a little more swing in my hips as I hazard a glance over my shoulder at him, and to just how well he's now filling out the front of his jeans. I can't even begin to hide the smirk I have twitching at my lips at that thought. He's hard, I did that to him. With just a whisper in his ear. It's a gratifying feeling.

We have to walk between buildings to get to our Spanish classroom and inevitably, we're gunna get wet. We pause before going out into the rain and I pointedly look at the bulge in the front of his pants, the swell that he's making no effort to hide. "You want to carry my books?" I smile, my lashes batting and my cheeks hurting from the grin, "that way you can keep your happy problem to yourself," I giggle as he pokes me in the ribs in rebuttal.

"Tease," he smiles. Then he does the last thing I expect, he lifts his back pack over his head, his growing need behind the fly, out on display for all to see. If there was anyone but me here to see it that is. Dammit, the quad is empty. He's not showing any embarrassment, the Adonis is proud of what he has going on down in front. I'm thoroughly distracted to what's going on around me now too. It's raining and cold but that hot body next to me still only has a t-shirt on. I hope it gets wet on our way across. Jacob and a wet, white t-shirt would be a very special combination.

"You know I'd be carrying your books right now if we were public…" he says, smiling that perfect smile down at me, his arms still above his head, holding his bag up, "…even if I didn't have a boner just from looking at you fully clothed." That little dimple he gets when he's really happy with himself is pulling at his right cheek. He looks at me and winks, the slightest nudge of his hips in my direction. His muscles bunch, and the bottom of his shirt rides up as he covers his head to the rain. Oh god… I stuff my hands in my pockets to stop myself from running them all over his washboard abs and chest. How did _me_ teasing _him_ get turned a full 180 around. He is the freaking master.

"I promise you this Ness, that pretty soon I'm gunna carry your books just 'cause I can. And sit with you at lunch and hold your hand as we make a dash through the rain," he says as we step of into the rain. "Just because I can." This is his way of saying he knows. He knows I'm feeling the same things about him as He is for me. Primarily, horny lust. But a fair bit of romance contained in there too. He wants to claim me from the rest of the school, including the likes Paul Lahote, as badly as I want to do to the same to him. I want everyone, including the cheer girls and the likes of Lizzie Martin, that his ass in those jeans are mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

"Well it's almost day One down. Then we only have thirteen to go." I say, stepping sideways over a puddle.

One of his hands comes down to guide me as we trot more or less side by side. I can feel the warmth of his hand through my jacket. It might be just my imagination, but I swear I can feel his warmth. It pulses out of him like sunlight. "Will you go to the home coming dance with me? It'll be the perfect way to go out in the open," he asks out of the blue.

"Did you just ask me to the dance?" I ask as we finish crossing the courtyard. I've never been to a homecoming dance. He's right, it would be good way to go public. Plus, I can't think of a better way to spend a night, than wrapped around Jacob Black swaying back and forth. Oh and I just realized that it's in two weeks' time, my new pill prescription will be working by then. Oh yeah! I feel a little twinge of excitement in my chest at the thought of first time sex after homecoming dance with the QB1 and my, finally, publicly disclosed boyfriend. More teenage cliché milestones? Don't care. I couldn't give a flying fuck if it's clichéd or not. It will be epic, and amazing, and all that I care about.

"Yes," he laughs nervously, falling in behind me, his palm warm still as it presses in the middle of my back, He guides me up the steps and into the hallway of building three. "I am. And you're killing me here, not giving me an answer."

His large braced hand sluices the few stray water droplets off his face and I pull my hood back. We walk a few steps along the now empty hall before he corners me. I'm pressed against the door of an electrical closet, his body over shadowing mine as a ripple of expectation flows through me. One hand is pulling gently on the bottom of my jacket and the other lingering over the top of the long zipper, his hands hovering over my bust line. I press my chest outwards as his fingers pull on the zip; down and over the swell of my boobs, the back of his hand brushing down my chest as he goes. Each little ripple of the plastic tangs vibrating through us both. The air is charged with sexual tension. Oh yeah. If this is what it's like when we're a secret then I can't wait until we're public.

I look up, our faces only inches apart. I want to kiss his lips, right here in the hallway outside Mrs. Ramirez's classroom in building three. But we can't. A little whine escapes my lips and I lower down from the tip toes I hadn't even realized I'd been raised up on. "Well will you? Will you be my homecoming date?" he asks again. His face lowered down to mine. His body leaning over me. His injured hand is pressed above me, pressing into the door behind, the other curling around the lower edge of my open jacket, pulling on the material of my dress.

I smile, secretly taking his hand in mine, letting our fingers interlace together. That familiar yet thrilling kick of electricity arcs across us as we touch. "Nothing would make me happier."

* * *

**Translation for when Ness leaves the locker room and say she'll see him in Spanish...**

**[Te echo de menos ya, mi hombre guapo - I m****iss you already, my handsome man.]**

**Hope you enjoyed folks. It was a really long chapter. Let me know your thoughts. I love hearing them.**

**Thanks as always to Aretee for being my beta.**

**Namestee, Marina**


	27. Chapter 27- I love my life

**_Last time on P &amp; C's..._**

**_ T__he__ air is charged with sexual tension. Oh yeah. If this is what it's like when we're a secret then I can't wait until we're public._**  
**_I look up, our faces only inches apart. I want to kiss his lips, right here in the hallway outside Mrs. Ramirez's classroom in building three. But we can't. A little whine escapes my lips and I lower down from the tip toes I hadn't even realized I'd been raised up on. _**

**_"Well will you? Will you be my homecoming date?" he asks again. His face lowered down to mine. His body leaning over me. His injured hand is pressed above me, pressing into the door behind, the other curling around the lower edge of my open jacket, pulling on the material of my dress._**

**_I smile, secretly taking his hand in mine, letting our fingers interlace together. That familiar yet thrilling kick of electricity arcs across us as we touch. "Nothing would make me happier."_**

* * *

**Chapter 27- I love my life.**

I pull up into the school parking lot, right next to Ness's Volvo. She's starting to love that car. It's a little pointless here in our rainy forks weather, but it _is_ a cool car. She doesn't have a decent stereo either. But her dad gave her money to get a new one last week. We're gunna go into PA on Sunday to buy her one. I'm still saving for mine. I pull the hand brake on and kill the engine as the little cricket chirp of my phone messages sounds.

_*Zero days left! Meet me at my locker. Xxx*_

I smile inwardly. 'Thank god it's Friday' has never been truer, than it is today. The two weeks that Ness and I have had to sneak around have almost killed me. I know we've managed to get our fair share of nookie in after hours, but it's been hard having my fingers itch to touch her all day in class. And I mean _hard._

And now, finally, it's homecoming Friday and we've served our time. Everyone is content that Seth and her broke up. His gayness is a safe secret. And hopefully it's been long enough that Ness won't get dubbed a slut when I march right up to her in 90 seconds from now and kiss her right in the school halls. Not that everyone was fooled. Embry, the observant little fucker wasn't, not for a second; called me on it the end of last week too.

"Are you fucking Renesmee Cullen?" he asked me as we'd sat, side by side, driving in the 'team only' bus to Tenino.

"What? No," I said looking over my shoulder to see if Quil and Jared, who were directly behind us, heard. I wasn't lying to my best friend… exactly, Ness and I aren't fucking… yet.

"Yes you are. I can see it in the way you look at her Jake," he pressed.

"Okay, look Emb, you can't tell anyone," I said, a quiet threat in my tone.

"Why the fuck not? Why are you hiding it? She's hot."

"She just broke up with Seth, okay. She's not a slut, I don't' want every one calling her one."

He raised an eyebrow at me, searching my face to see what else I was hiding. "And we're really not _fucking,_" I added, giving him a fist pound in the nads at the same time, hopefully distracting him from the Seth component of our little love triangle.

"Oh fuck!" he cried. "Asshole."

"Pussy. Are your balls too bruised from all the whacking off you're having to do being away from Raven all week long?" I knew those two were fucking, but only on weekends, he had to beating his dick to a bloodied pulp each and every school night.

He wasn't ruffled though. "You're fucking deflecting Black, you might not be fucking her, but you're sure doing something with her pussy."

I never answered him, I just gave him a smirk and sideways look. He could infer all he wanted from my silence.

My cousin Colin knows too, because he walked in on me and Renesmee making out behind some drift wood trunks on First beach Sunday afternoon. Okay, it was a little more than _making out—_I may have had my lips around her nipples. But Colin isn't gunna squeal; I gave the kid one of my _special_ magazines and our secret was safe.

So after two weeks, we don't have to be a secret any more. Getting out of my car, I stash my phone in my pocket and sling my bag over my shoulder and make a B-line to the school's front steps.

I'm not three steps up before I get stopped.

"Hey Jake,"

"Ah, Hi Lizzie." This girl is a pain in my ass. She's had the hots for me since I arrived at this school. At first, I think, it was just the native novelty. But there are so many of us Quileute kids here now, I don't think it's that. I think she just wants to say she's done the entire starting line-up. And not having fucked the Varsity QB1 is a glaring discrepancy. But it's never gunna happen, I mean, she's okay, she's alright looking. But she's trying too hard.

She's got on a skin tight shirt that is cut way too low for school, and a skirt that's cut way too high for school too. She's always saying hi and asking me stuff. And that's when I was with Bella and before I met Ness. She's ramped it up now that she thinks I'm single. Only, I'm not. I wouldn't be interested even if I was. She's got nothing on Ness. I don't know how many times I can say I'm not interested. May be she'll back off when she sees me with Nessie.

I know, I've just had the best idea. I'll get Renesmee to teach me 'I don't like you _that_ way' in all the different languages she knows. May be then Lizzie will get the message.

"So… you _still_ don't have a date for tomorrow night? Are you still going with the gang?" she asks, twirling her blond hair around a finger. I told her I'm just going with a group of friends. I've told her this the last _three_ times she's asked about going to the dance with me. Homecoming isn't really about going with dates. I mean it is for Ness and me. But most of the single kids just go as a big group of friends. Only I'm not single. But no one knows that yet.

Lizzie's moved her body so that her tits are poking out and her hip is swinging as she tries to move her foot all innocent like. Nothing innocent about it. I can see the calculation in her posture. She's probably been waiting on the steps for me to arrive all morning. Well sorry Lizzie but it's homecoming Friday and I have a little secret to let you in on.

"Actually, Liz," I know she hates being called that, "I do have a date now. Me and Ness are going," I say. Finally, I get to tell someone. It'll be around the school like a wild fire now the Queen Bee knows too.

"You and Ness? Since when?"

"Since now," I smirk. I want to say since weeks ago. But I don't want to undo all our torturous sneaking around.

"What do you mean since now?" Her face is pulled into a bitter twist. It's not pretty.

"Since yesterday. Is that better? Do you want to know all the details?" I ask sarcastically. "I was at her place after school and I asked her and she said yes. Is that enough or do you want to know more?" I don't give her a chance to answer. "Oh, and were dating now. So… Yeah." I smile, tight lipped. As gratifying as it is to finally tell someone, I would rather do it by having my hands all over my girl. Let them figure it out for themselves.

"I'm gunna go find my girlfriend now," I say to her slack jawed, open mouth, catching flies face. And without further ado, I turn about face and hop up the last two stairs and into the hallway of building one.

* * *

Ness's locker is down the far end and I move quickly through the hall, dodging the eyes of other students to avoid being delayed any further. I make my way with a purpose in my step.

As I near, I see her in her skinny indigo jeans and a yellow tank. She's leaning against her locker. Her back is flush against the metal, one foot bent under her and pressed with the wall. Her hair is a cascade of ringlets over her shoulder. She has her head bent as she types on her phone.

I can't walk any faster or I'd be running. I want to run, but I have some pride. So I walk fast, using my height to its full advantage and taking longer steps. She has her earphones in and doesn't hear me as I approach. She's concentrating so hard on whatever she's writing. It's so cute. She's so cute. She's so beautiful. I lean in over her, gently taking one ear plug out and whispering, my lips brushing against the edge of her jaw, her skin is smooth and warm and smells spectacular.

"Good morning girlfriend."

She looks up with a start, calling, "Jake!" A smile breaking over those peachy pink lips. Lips I can now kiss in public. So I do.

My hand curls under her hair, lifting her face up higher as I lower mine. She lifts off the wall, standing taller. Even taller in the wedges she has on today. And we kiss. A small little meeting of lips, then a few more. Deeper and deeper each time. Her little hands wind around my neck as we stand; toe to toe, chest to chest, lip to lip, making out in the hall of building one. I don't care if everyone is watching. I hope they are. 'Cause Ness is mine.

The first bell rings and we start to pull apart. But only our lips separate. The rest of us, our arms, our hands and the front of our bodies, they're still firmly pressed together. I lean back a little, to look at her better. It's a good angle, it presses my hard-on into her stomach. And it's far enough back that my eyes can focus on her features but still close enough that I can smell the nutty spiced perfection of her.

Our eyes meet, the sunshine in her iris's bursting through the brown. There is a health to her eyes. It's a sparkle, a happiness that quietly embers away all day long. Occasionally that sparkle flares in joy, and sometimes it's in mischief. But the health I see right now isn't just that joyful sparkle. It's deeper than that, it's soul deep. Her soul is happy.

And so is mine.

That message she was so intently typing on her phone before I interrupted her was actually a Facebook status and a few photos. Me and her are officially 'in a relationship'. My phone is dinging with alert messages in my back pocket as we make out in the hallway. I accept the status changes as soon as I can. I literally want the _world_ to know; And by _world_ I mean all the guys here at school who are after her _and_ her friends overseas. I 'like' the photos of us she took that night in my room too. That night she found my playboy and she took her shirt off and we made out and I fell even more in love with her.

night.

In one of the pictures, we're lying on my pillow, her hair is falling all over the place and across her bare shoulders. Our cheeks are pressed together and we both look the happiest I've ever seen either of us. It's a good photo. In the other, we're kissing. The picture is off-center and her finger is in the corner of the shot, but both our eyes are closed as our lips are pressed firmly together.

I think we look in love. It's my favorite.

We spend the rest of the day in classes, just like normal. Only now, _everything_ is different. We already sit together in AP stats, but today we walk into the classroom hand in hand. In AP Spanish, we hold hands beneath the table _and_ above it. Mr. Banner is late and I even manage to sneak in a public kiss before Biology class starts. I have never minded school, but now I _love_ it.

We're doing volley ball in Gym right now, me and Ness make an awesome team. She's so quick on her feet, she gets under the ball to set it, and then I launch my 6'4'' height up and spike that Wilson right over the net. We've been doing it for the past week. High-fiving and smiling faces. Today though, there was some, not so quick ass slapping and a special kind of chest bump, very different from the ones I'd do with Embry on the field, ones that involved me slowly pressing my chest against hers, they're more _cuddle_ than _bump_. We make a good team Ness and me.

She's on the Drill team now and I can't wait to see her dance. Apparently she blew them away at her audition. Jared told me that she's really good. I hope she'll give me a proper demonstration one day. How the hell does Jared Cameron know how good a dancer _MY_ Ness is, you ask? Turns out Cameron has the hots for the hippie chick who's on the drill team. Who knew he had a thing for chicks with hairier legs than him. Wait… Sorry, I'm being mean. She's actually pretty nice. Kim went to kindergarten with us all, I think she moved off the Res when we were like, eight or nine. I didn't even recognize her when I first moved to Forks High, she's gone all organic and bohemian and has her hair all weird and dread-locked. I don't really know her, but she seems okay, not into the bitch-fest that is Lizzie and her gang at least. And anyway, I've got to like the hippie, it looks as if she's fast becoming one of Nessie's best friends. My point is, she told Jared, who told us all last week, before he knew Ness and me were a thing, and now everyone knows Ness is a dancer which means they all—mostly Quil and Lahote—want to see her dancing because she's probably flexible. And I told Paul today at lunch that he could keep his perving eyes and hands to himself 'cause she's with _me_ now. And yes she is flexible. And no, I won't let her show Quil either.

Man, I've barely had a chance to see her suppleness myself.

* * *

I'm hard just thinking about getting to watch her body move tonight though. Homecoming game. We both have roles to play at the pep-rally tonight, so we both get out of the last hour of school to prepare. Homecoming pep-rally is way bigger than most. There are way more speeches. Anyone who is in any kind of preforming team is gunna preform. Even all the olds are coming. My dad, and Ness's uncle and aunt included.

Her cousin Emmett has made it through the 49ers pre-season camp and is coming in from San Francisco so he can be initiated into the school's hall of fame. Alice is coming home for the weekend too and so is the Ed. Which also means so is Bella. One big happy family reunion.

I am so glad Ness and me are public for this 'reunion'. It's gunna make it so much easier to talk to them. To _her_. My Ness makes life easier.

I'm not too sure how I feel about seeing Bells. I'm not as nervous or anxious as I assumed I'd be. I'm still a little cut up. But then again, not as much as you'd expect. It's like being with Ness has wiped the angst slate clean for me. I was thinking about it last night, after I got off the phone with Ness. The main hangup I have with this whole Bella thing is that, I don't think I got to tell her just how far she can shove her 'friendship' up her ass. After every selfish thing she did, I'm not ready for her friendship. I don't need it. I don't _want_ it anymore. Turns out, I'm whole all by myself; without the girl I _thought_ I loved.

Ness on the other hand. She doesn't complete me. I don't want her too. Instead, she show's me that I am complete _without_ anyone else. What Ness does, is she complements me. Balances me. She lifts and brightens everything about my existence. Only now there isn't much _my. _It's _our _existence. Together.

Ness thinks that if I'm gunna tell Bella to shove it—and she _really_ thinks I should—that I should wait until after the game. To use the pent up aggression to my advantage. It's tempting.

But I'm 98% sure I'm not gunna make a scene. Ok… 95%... Maybe 80.

It's just, I don't wanna fuck things up for Ness with her family. Even if she says it's okay for me to tell her future cousin-in-law to stick it where the sun don't shine, I don't think I'm gunna... I don't know… maybe I will. We'll just see how well I play and how happy I am after the game. If my hand doesn't hold up or we get flogged then I might end up making that scene. Pent up aggression and all… We'll see.

I haven't been wearing my brace today. Ness got Dr. Cullen to give me some endorsement by writing a letter to coach. As well as the one from the specialist. I'm officially cleared to play. No more brace as a requirement for me to be on the starting line. To say that I'm happy to be the starting QB for homecoming game is the understatement of the year. I'm fucking ecstatic. And to top it off, I've had my hands and lips glued to Ness for most of the school day.

I fucking love my life.

* * *

So this is how I find myself sitting on up the back of the school stadium bleachers at 5:15 on a Friday afternoon. The coaches are happy everyone knows what their part is in the rally. We were all dismissed to do our own thing for about an hour, before we have to all meet back at the gym again. Ness and I are making good use of our free time. Her legs are wrapped around my hips as we sit face to face. Both our hands are under shirts. Her hands are all over my back as she grinds her hot little ass on my lap. I've undone her ugly sports bra so I can get a proper handful underneath the drill uniform she's already in. I don't care what bra she wears, she has magical tits.

I suppose I should be conserving my energy for the game I'm about to play. But… as if? Fuck homecoming games and homecoming king and queen. This weekend is going to be dominated my one thing and one thing only. The tent I'm going to have on the sand of Third beach Saturday night. Well, actually, they'll be two tents on the beach tomorrow night. One in my pants and one actually on the sand. After the dance, I've planned to take her back to the beach at the bottom of those cliffs we dived from all those weeks ago. I thinks it's pretty romantic, if I do say so myself. I'm gunna set up the tent before I go pick Ness up for the dance. Then after homecoming, were spending the night together. Alone. In a tent. Naked. On the beach. Together. After the dance. Not sure if the punch will be spiked. Who has punch these days? I digress. Finally. Ness and me are going for home plate…

S.E.X.

Did I mention I love my life?

We've been making out, and more-or-less dry humping for the past 45 minutes when we finally both stop. Her beautiful face is flushed, her lips bright red, I'm happy to say, with _no_ stubble burn, thanks to my— for once—helpful tonsured NA geans. I've completely made a mess of the French braid she had going on. I can tell my hair is probably sticking up in every direction as well. Ness likes to run her hands through it when we're kissing. I like it when she does that too.

"I think we were supposed to go and get some early supper before the rally," she giggles, reaching behind her back and doing her bra up under her t-shirt. The material rides up and I can see the curve of her waist, the dip and swell of her little hips. I love her.

"I don't think we're gunna make it back to the pep-rally in time if we drive to town now."

She starts rummaging through her bag. "I have this apple," she says, handing it to me without looking up. "And here's a granola bar. And, do tic-tac's count as dessert?" She holds up the little orange box and rattles the few white candies inside.

I laugh, opening the packet of the granola bar, offering her the first bite. "With you Ness, every meal is desert."

She leans in and takes a huge bite. "That is so lame," she smiles, her little cheeks puffing out like chipmunks as she chews.

"What? It's true."

"I know. I love sharing everything with you too. Even this little make shift picnic on the bleachers, but it was still a lame line."

I take a few bites. Stuffing the rest of the bar in my mouth. "It was supposed to be romantic." I say around a mouthful of food. Then I pull her closer to me, leaning in to try to get her to pucker up and kiss me, food and all. She just laughs at me, turning her head and shoving my shoulder—but in a good way. We can be idiots together. We get each other. It's as easy as breathing with Ness. She's my best friend.

"Here give me a bite," she says picking up the apple. She takes a normal size bite and then hands it over. "You have the rest of it baby. You shouldn't be playing a game on so little."

"I'll be okay," I say. She's right though. I'm gunna be fucking starving by the end of the game. But as if I was gunna give up make out session time for eating. I'll just have to see if I can scab something off some of the other guys later. Emb always has something from his mom in his training bag. I love her chocolate brownies.

"I'd be more worried about the massive boner I'm gunna have watching you do your thing," I add taking a bite of the apple.

At just the mention of 'boner', her hands are on me, over my jeans. I love that we have developed this easy physicality these past two weeks. Nothing is prudish or shy. She touches my dick whenever she wants. As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't mind if she never stops touching it. Fuck she's awesome.

"What are we going to do about that?" she purrs. Her hand rubs over me. I've just endured three quarters of an hour of dry fucking with no release and now I'm as hard as a rock again.

"I don't know," I smirk. "What are _you_ gunna do about it?" The apple finds its way on to the top of her bag so it's clean for later. I have a feeling I'm about to not care about eating for a little while.

She doesn't answer me. Instead she sits back on to my lap but not as close as before. She is light on my thighs. Her fingers lightly pressing on my chest pushing me back so that I recline against the barrier behind. She trains down my chest and deftly undoes the top button of my Levis. Her lips meet mine and her tongue traces around the inside of my lips as her warm hands pull my dick out. Just the thought of getting a semi-public hand job has me harder still. Sitting like this though, up the top of the stands, away from any prying eyes, it's pretty private. We are in our own little cloistered world. My erect penis the centre of our universe. That is fine… by… me.

She sets to work, stroking me up and down. Her hand firm and warm as it delight's. After so much build up, I'm not gunna last long. "Ness. Fuck… Fu-uck. You're too fucking good at this." She must know how close I am, because one handed, she gets her gym shirt out of her bag and has it ready. Lucky 'cause I fucking blow my load all over the place a second later, only it doesn't go everywhere. Ness, the fucking trooper, catches it with her shirt.

I love my life.

"Oh god," I pant, my eyes closed with my head back against the chain wire barrier of the top of the stand. "Thank you so fucking much. I don't think I was gunna be able to run straight with that hot stick I had happening."

"You are most welcome baby. But I'm telling you this, right now." She shifts on my lap a little, her eyes sparkling with mischief and that freedom I love about her. "Whatever it is you have planned after the dance tomorrow night… make sure I'm first." She's dead serious.

Fuck me.

I like this demanding little girl who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. "Lucky I bought a change of underwear for tonight too. I'm soaked right through now." She's crawled up my chest, her hot little body pressing against me. She whispers against my cheek. "I love watching your face as you cum." My dick is still out and I can feel every inch of her as she slides along me. Her little fingers press on my shoulder as she pulls herself up. Her breath is warm in my ear. "You haven't forgotten that I expect to be properly fucked tomorrow night?"

God love this girl. I love it when she gets all sexy and dirty. Christ, I love her sweet and innocent too. But this shit it mind blowing.

"No I haven't forgotten," I hoarse, holding her around the waist and steading her as I sit up. My throat is tight and my heart is pumping in my chest. "I haven't stopped thinking about what it will be like to fuck you for the past two weeks," I rumble into the crook of her neck, inhaling, memorizing the nutty erotic smell of her pulse point. "Do you know just how amazing you are?"

"Remind me tomorrow night." She turns her head and kisses my temple. Then sits back and moves off of me, giving me the space to do up my pants. "It's a good thing I do my own laundry," she giggles, holding up her gym shirt, the one that's soiled by my spunk. How the fuck does she make that shit sexy. I don't have the faintest idea. But I want to bottle her sensuality, either way.

"Sorry Ness, give it to me. I'll wash it at my place." She shouldn't have to clean up my jizz-rag.

"Don't worry about it babe. It'll just go in with tonight's stuff," she says, bunching the shirt up and stuffing it into the bottom of her sports bag. "It's not like I'm gunna hand wash it or anything. And even if I was…" She lifts an eye brow at me, a flirty little smirk playing on her lips. "I wouldn't mind. Making you cum makes me as hot as hell. And the aftermath of what I can do to you has me gagging for tomorrow night to come around." I know she's doing it on purpose now. Trying to make me hard again. It's working.

"You know you can be quite the little vixen when you want to be." I say, adjusting myself as I stand and then picking up her bag. I'm her boyfriend now. I get to carry her bag for her.

"A girls got to use the assets she has at her disposal," she quips, the sound of self-satisfaction rolling through her voice. And what a set of assets she has. Then she turns to me as we're walking down the stands. Her hand finding mine as she stops. She's a step above me and we're almost eye to eye like this. Equal. Her eyes pierce into mine. The afternoon sun is in her eyes, and she squints as she looks at me. The sunshine lighting up her skin so that it's even more radiant than normal. She's beautiful. And I love her.

But I still hold my tongue about it. Once burnt, twice shy, I think the saying is. However, from the way she's looking at me, all of a sudden I want to tell her. I think I see love looking back at me too.

"The way you make me feel Jake… I can't explain it. I don't think you realize how much power you have over me. I honestly think I'd go to ends of the earth for you. And then some. Thank you for being you. And for wanting me." I see her swallow hard. Like she's swallowed back whatever else she was gunna say. I think I know what it was.

I step up closer to her, my hand finding purchase on her ass. It's up higher than normal, I was aiming for her back, but her ass is more than okay. She thinks I have control over her? I don't think she realizes the control she has over _me._ I know, instinctively, that neither one of us would ever abuse that power. And that knowledge only seems to give it more strength. I kiss her sweetly. Once on the lips. Soft and dry, holding the pressure for a few seconds before I pull back. My eyes searching hers, darting back and forwards between. "The pleasure of wanting you is all mine Renesmee. All mine."

She smiles, her bright white teeth perfect and straight as her lips curl back. She's so beautiful when she smiles. It ramps her beauty up another notch. If that was even possible.

"Come on," she whispers pulling me down the steps, her pretty face watching me from over her shoulder as she walks. "Let's go rally the troops."

Did I mention I love my life?

* * *

**Thank you all so much for your great reviews last chapter. To all the silent readers out there... Have your say. Tell me what you like and what you don't. You never know, your suggestions might end up in the story, your opinion counts and I love hearing form you all.**

**Aretee, thank you as always for the Beta... and the second one... and the other ten I have lined up for you still! You are amazing. Check out her writing if you like a good read folks.**

**So... our heroes are out in public. Making-out in hallways and holding hands in class. So in love.**

**Homecoming dance should be good. But remember... last years alumni often come home for the homecoming weekend. Things will finally get said next chapter.**

**Untill next week, Marina**


	28. Chapter 28 - Cherry Tree

**I am thankful for many things, in many facets of my life. On this FanFic site; I am thankful to my Beta Aretee for all her hard work in making my words readable and grammatically correct and for her friendship. Sarah, you know I love you, Bill (or is it Ted, I always get it wrong). I am thankful to all the reviewers who give me the encouragement to continue and grow through word. To my husband and children, who give me the time away from them to get my words written down. And lastly, but mast certainly not least, to the readers who take the time to read those words.**

**Thanks guys.**

* * *

**Last time on P &amp; C's…**

"_**The way you make me feel Jake… I can't explain it. I don't think you realize how much power you have over me. I honestly think I'd go to ends of the Earth for you. And then some. Thank you for being you. And for wanting me." I see her swallow hard. Like she's swallowed back whatever else she was gunna say. I think I know what it was.**_

_**I step up closer to her, my hand finding purchase on her ass. It's up higher because she standing on the step, I was aiming for her back, but her ass is more than okay. She thinks I have control over her? I don't think she realizes the control she has over me. I know, instinctively, that neither one of us would ever abuse that power. At that knowledge only seems to give it more strength. I kiss her sweetly. Once on the lips. Soft and dry, holding the pressure for a few seconds before I pull back. My eyes searching hers, darting back and forwards between. "The pleasure of wanting you is all mine Renesmee. All mine."**_

_**She smiles, her bright white teeth perfect and straight as her lips curl back. She's so beautiful when she smiles. It ramps her beauty up another notch. If that was even possible...**_

* * *

**Chapter 28 – Cherry trees**

I'm so freakn' excited. Home coming dance is in less than three hours. Which mean it's just over five until Me and Ness have the whole night to ourselves.

This morning I did a service on Mr Salazar's Silverado. Word is getting around on the Res that I do a good grease and oil change. I'm getting at least one a week, sometimes two. It such a good way to make a dollar without having to get a normal after-school job. Between school, football and Ness, I'd hate to have to commit to another schedule. This way I fit it in when I can. Ness came over this morning, just for a few hours. for breakfast. I got a quick hello kiss before dad came wheeling in, monopolizing her attention. After we'd eaten and cleaned up, we had just started to make out a little on the front porch, for no more than a few minutes, before Mr Salazar arrived with his truck. Damn it! She sat with me for a little while as I worked on the Chevy in the shed. I was almost finished, getting ready to take that shirt she'd been teasing me with all morning off before she stood, pulling out her keys up saying she had to go take her ballet class. I didn't even make it to first base.

I've spent the afternoon setting up the tent in a sheltered part of Third beach. I have all my shit stashed in there. I'm pretty sure it's not gunna; A) get ransacked by any dickhead like Quil or Paul, B) get knocked over by a freak gust of wind or storm, or C) be raided by a bear or wolf or something, for the sandwiches, cookies and cherries I've packed for us. If any of A, B or C happen, my dick is gunna tear itself off of me and clobber me with itself. I've been cocked blocked that many times, I've been _that_ horny for all of the day.

I've managed to have a quick shower, scrubbing all the grease off my fingers, get dressed into the best dress pants and collared shirt I own. Ness already got me a tie that matches her dress. It's olive green, so I guess her dress it that color. I'll be finding out in about two minutes when I get to her place. We're going out for dinner before the dance. It's like a proper date. I haven't been able to take her on one of those yet and I'm excited to spoil her a little. I'm excited to see what she looks like in her dress and so fucking on fire to see what's under it later on.

* * *

We had a fucking awesome game last night. We kicked Chimacum's ass. 30-6, and all thirty of those points, I had something to do with and twenty-two of them directly from my not braced, still completely fine, hand.

I managed to totally ignore Bella and the Dud all night. I don't even know if they went to the game. I don't care. I saw them at the pep-rally but I was too busy ogling Ness to care about the bitch and her patsy. But I wasn't so much of an asshole as to not say hi to Ness's cousin Emmett and of course to Ali, she's still my friend—despite how big an asshole her brother and her best friend were those last few weeks of summer.

It was a little weird seeing my dad sitting with the Cullen's. And I could tell dad was awkward sitting near the douche too. He never liked the Ed, even before he left her the first time. I was watching them all from my side of the gym (The same side as Ness) It all started with dad sitting with Charlie and then Carlisle and Esme sat next to him and then Aunty Sue sat next to dad. Everyone on both sides of our lives were sitting near each other. So of course Bella sat with her dad and the dick with his folks. I was so happy to just watch it all from a distance. Thank fuck I didn't have to go say hi with them all rubbing shoulders like that. Fucking small towns and everyone in each other's business

So, I just hung out with my team and watched the show. Emmett Cullen got inducted into the Fork High school hall of fame. That guy just gets bigger and bigger every time I see him. And as Varsity captain I got to shake his hand. I know that to Ness, he's just her cousin. But I got to shake the hand of a 49res offensive tackle. It's the closest thing to a celebrity our pissy town has.

Ness was fucking spectacular in her dark blue little hot pants, you know the type that come right up to the waist but only just under the ass. I've never really taken much notice of our Drill team before. They're not that big at our school but, man oh man, will I be taking notice from now on. She fucking kicked ass at the pep-rally.

I managed to sneak my head out of the locker rooms to watch the half time entertainment when coach was giving an ass reaming to the defensive team instead of the offense for once. I got to watch her body moving, her legs kicking. A straight knee easily held up above her head while she did the splits standing up. Standing up!

I really like the half time entertainment. I was thoroughly entertained. I basically had to punch myself in the dick to stop the hard-on that fired up.

My beautiful girl, always looking after me, even had some food sitting on my bag when I came off at the buzzer. Just some fries. But man was I hungry. And anything that woman gives me tastes better just because she's touched it. I've got it bad. But I don't care. She's amazing. She's hot and she's smart and she wants me to fuck her brains out tonight. I got it bad.

* * *

I'm still so excited to see her. I know I just saw her this morning. That was nice, don't get me wrong, but it wasn;'t overly _satisfying._ I really wanna see this dress she's gunna be wearing. Her mom sent it over from France. French chicks are hot right?

I park my car and it takes me three strides and I'm up the front steps, orange pink rose corsage in hand, knocking on the front door. Emmett answers, frowning and doing his best to intimidate me. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he asks. Blocking me from entering.

I just stand outside the door. No reply forth coming. The little clear box containing the flower held out in front of me as if it's gunna explain everything.

"I'm here to pick up Ness?" I'm a tall guy, 6'4", but Emmitt Cullen towers over me. And now that he does nothing but workout all day, I think he could squash me in a head lock just be flexing his giant biceps. The dude is intimidating.

"You're not taking Ness anywhere," he says, a scowl on his face, his eyes narrowing at me as he still blocks my way in. Where the fuck is Esme? She needs to get a hold of her gigantic son. Before he decks me one.

I swallow my nerves. Nothing and no one, not even a giant six foot seven professional offensive tackle, is going to stop me from taking my beautiful girlfriend to the homecoming dance, and then to the private after-party I have planned for us either. At least that what we've told our parents, that were going to an after party, it's not a lie, we're just leaving out the part where it's a party for two. "Um, yeah, I am. It's the homecoming dance. We're going to dinner before. And she's my girlfriend."

"Who the fuck said you could date my little cuz?" He's leaned a little towards me. The guy is like, a good half a foot taller than me. And I'd say at least 70 pounds heavier. I start to fear for my own well being a little. I don't know if he's fucking with me or not. He was nice enough to me last night. And Ness loves him to pieces. But that might have been _before_ he knew I was dating his cousin. Maybe Ness doesn't get to see this side to him. The protective grizzly bear side.

I think I might just be fucked.

"Um, your mom?" I say. In reality, we haven't gotten permission from any one. It's not the 1930's. But I figure all big guys have soft spots for their moms? Don't they?

"Oh, well that's okay then," he smiles. He has these massive dimples when he smiles. It makes all his gargantuan intimation qualities suddenly diminish. And the urge to piss myself from fear of being beaten to a bloody pulp is now gone, too. "Jesus, Black. I'm just fucking with you, she's up in Alice's room." He moves away from the door, relaxing his aggressive stance as he ushers me in. "You're fucking hilarious." I jostle as he slaps me on the back. If that was a friendly slap I'd hate to feel what an angry one could pound.

"Ness!" he bellows, looking up to the steps of the bedroom wing. "Lover boy is here!"

A few seconds pass and Alice sticks her head over the railing. "Five minutes," she yells back. "Hey Jake." She smiles, her face getting red as she looks at us upside down.

"Hi Ali."

"She's beautiful. But her hair's a freakn' menace. I promise, less than five minutes."

"Okay," I smile, my words lost on my breath. I can't wait to see her walking down those stairs, like they do in all the good chick flicks. Boy (me) at the bottom as the show stopping girl (Ness) sashays down in some breath-taking dress. She is beautiful already, in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt and hair thrown back in a knotted bun. I can only imagine how spectacular she'll be with Alice making her over.

"You want a beer?" Emmett asks as I follow him in to the kitchen.

"Nah, I'm driving." Firstly, I'm under age and secondly, the last time I had alcohol in this house, my whole fucking world fell apart.

"Soda then?" he asks, a little curl of his lips as he cracks his own brewski. I think I just past some kind of test.

"Sure." I sit at the island bench as Emmett gets a can out of the fridge for me.

"So you and Ness hey?"

"Yeah."

"You know about why she left Italy?"

He's taking about Angelus. "Yeah," I nod. Maintaining eye contact in the hopes that my eyes tell him just how much detail I actually do know. Which is the whole kit and gory caboodle. "She told me everything."

"You know she got shafted by everyone. All her friends. Her school. She was gunna be a fucking professional dancer, you know that?"

I nod. Ness's version of that particular betrayal is a little less self-indulgent. She swears she was never going to make an actual career out of ballet. She's too short. But I'm not sure if that's just what she's told herself to make the humiliation of being kicked out easier to bear.

"I know it all Emmett. And I love her all the more for it." I keep up the eye contact. I haven't told Ness I love her. But I just told her cousin first instead. Not quite what I had in mind. But it's out there now. And I'm gunna tell her tonight anyway.

"Good then. She deserves some good in her life. You both do."

Wow. I think that's a roundabout way of saying my 'brother did the dirty on you and he's an ass.' I'll take what little concession I can from a member of the Cullen clan.

I just nod. Looking down at my soda and take a swig. We both look up to the back door to the noise of laughter entering. I know that laugh.

The sound is followed by two people, one shortish with chocolate brown hair falling over her shoulder, the other one, taller, his hair sticking up and curling around in a dicky bouffant, but it's a nice color, brown with a touch of red; it's copper like, and it shines in the sunlight, it's the same as Nessie's. They stumble in, arm in arm from the Washington drizzle. They're laughing at some joke that's private between them and they haven't noticed me or Emmett right here in the kitchen.

Then the laughter suddenly stops. And Bella straightens up, staring at me wide eyed. Like she's never seen me before. Or if she saw me last night it was all the way on the other side of the gym.

"Jake. You cut your hair."

Oh yeah, I guess she hasn't seen _that_ before.

I comb my fingers lightly through my short black hair, careful not to mess up the Ivy League style I spent a good fifteen minutes gelling up.

"Yeah,' I say, dismissively, "fresh start."

If you'd been less of a bitch and spoken to me more than once in the past two months, you'd know this. But you _are_ a selfish, narcissistic bitch, so you don't know about it.

"I like it," she smiles. "It's looks good in you. Makes you're jaw look really strong." Then she starts to nibble on that bottom lip of hers, the way she knows I _used_ to love. Then, with her back still to the Ed, she looks up at me through her long lashes, batting them like some pro trying to turn a trick. That shit don't work on me no more. And anyway, they're not as long as Nessie's.

Is she really flirting with me? I can't believe she's flirting with me. She's is fucking incredible. She takes my attraction to her as a given. She's over estimated her appeal. There is no affection left there to give. And Ed's right there! She's got no shame.

She thinks I'm hot, yet I think… I think… I think that I… that I _hate_ her.

"It does, doesn't it?" Comes a little voice form behind me. Ness. _Fuck_! I fucking missed her walking down the stairs. Because of Bella. That fucking pisses me off too. But I forget my anger as her warm hand softly finds my jaw. My heart starts to thump hard and heavy and a hundred miles an hour. I take her in. Her dress is the same deep olive green as my tie. Well, the skirt bit, which is flared and only covers half her fucking perfectly shaped thighs is. The tiny little boob shaped top is is that same green only it's also covered in gorgeous floral silver beaded pattern that highlights the sparkle in her eyes. Her hair is so freakin' shiny too. All her normally crazy ringlets are smooth and glossy and cascade over one side of her bare shoulders, all the way over her tits and into the tight waist that looks only tighter in that fucking dress. I need to thank her mom. It's a fucking awesome dress.

I can't help but look her up and down. And up and down. And then one more time for good measure. Drowning in her. Memorizing her to the back of my retinas. Soaking in every morsel of her beauty. She's fucking beautiful. There's no question about it, every square inch of her is beautiful.

She's mine.

And I love her.

"Ho-ly shit," I say, spinning on my stool and wrapping my arms around her. She steps in between my knees and her little arms rest on my shoulders. Her tits lift and move as she does this. I love this dress. "You look beautiful Ness."

I'm struggling to keep my hands still in front of all these people. I want to feel every inch of her. I settle for splaying my hand across the small of her back. Relish in the way my hand span covers all of her.

She leans down. Her lips are wet on mine. "You don't look too bad yourself babe." Her finger then comes up to wipe the top of my lip, "gloss," she smiles. I don't care, I'd be happy to have my entire face smeared with lipstick if it meant I got more kisses from this Goddess.

She taller than me like this. With me sitting and her standing. Especially since she's in a gold pair of dick splitting killer heals. I don't know how the hell she's wearing them and still staying upright. But I'm thankful that she is anyway. I didn't think her legs could look any better than they did in those dancing hot pants last night. But fuck my dick, I don't think I'm going to make it to the last dance of the evening. I want to take her straight to that tent right now.

She leans in to me, nuzzling against my neck, her perfect amazing, 'want to lick them', tits in my face. "You smell fucking awesome," she whispers so only I can hear. Her sweet breath is warm as it blows in my ear. A hot shiver is sent all the way down my spine and under and around.

She doesn't cuss much. So when she does… I swear, if dicks can explode, then mine's gunna go bush-ka, real soon.

"All right you two, no Frenching in the kitchen," Ali laughs as she skips in.

"We're not," Ness calls over her shoulder. "It's just scenting the mate. Smell this Alice," she says griping her cousin by the collar and shoving her face at me. "Seriously. Is _that_ not the best smell of man you've ever smelt?"

"Are you alright?" I laugh, trying to dodge both little pixy noses from smelling me like some kind of animal in rut, only to be trapped by the bench and the back of the seat.

They both ignore me anyway.

"No. Not for me," Ali says, her nose scrunched up, shaking her head.

Good. I only wanna smell nice for Ness. Don't tell anyone but it's Seth's aftershave. The gay fucker's got like, ten bottles.

"Boloney," Ness says, leaning in and dragging her noes along my jaw and down over my pulse point. Fu-u-uk. "This right here, is 100% pure, unadulterated, alpha male." I see her eyes flick up over my shoulder. I'm guessing to Bella.

"Don't you agree Bella?" Ness's smile is tight and a little threatening. Yep, it was to Bella. "Jake looks and smells like pure sexy man dressed up and with a little cologne on."

"I don t know, I've never smelled him in cologne. We didn't go out much," my _ex_-friend bites. "We tended to stay indoors mostly." The double meaning not lost on anyone in the kitchen room.

"Oh what a waste. I think he comes into his own when we're free to explore ourselves in nature. What a shame you never got the best part of him. I guess I should say thank you _Bella_." Ness is all calm and cool, but I can see the fast and strong thump of her pulse in her neck. She's wanted to call Bella out for weeks. My protector as always.

She doesn't need to protect me though. Not from Bella anyway. Not anymore. It's my job to protect_her_ now.

Bella can go get fucked.

She's nothing to me anymore.

It's about time I told her as much.

Everyone else in the room is statue still— not sure what to do with this family cat fight that's just started. I keep my hands firmly on Ness's waist, pulling her in closer and pivoting us both so that I can see Bella too.

But the brunette keeps on going, a truly ugly look of malice across her features. "I disagree. They say the _first-_fruits are the best. I think _I_ got the best bit, _Nessie,_" she says her name like it's a dirty word. "I think _you_ got the leftovers."

I've never hear such venom in Bella's voice before. It's a side to her I've never seen and one I most certainly don't like. She sounds jealous.

She does not get to be jealous… No way.

And no way does she get to talk about me like I'm not here.

And abso—fucking—lutely NO WAY does she get to talk to Ness like that.

I stand up, tucking Renesmee under my arm. She doesn't fit as well as normal with those fucking, fuck me, amazing heels.

"Excuse me! Don't talk to her like that. You got _nothing_ of me Bella." I'm loud, but I think my voice is sure and true and confident with Right on my side. "You fucking _used_ me and left. You'll never know what you could have had of me. But I'll tell you now, anything I gave you was a waste of my time."

My hand waving in dismissal through the air. I'm dismissing her. "You didn't deserve anything of me. And what you did get was a fucking poor imitation of what real love is. What Ness and me share… it's about a _thousand_ time stronger than any crappy thing you and I had. And for the record; In comparison to Ness; what we had, Bella… was shit. I had no idea just how boring you were. Take a god damn risk."

"Hey!" Edward pipes in. Oh _now_ you wanna talk to me? Bring it ass face. "Have a little couth Jacob, be a gentleman."

"Oh shut up Ed, you're lucky I haven't punched that pretty boy face in long ago. Fuck off back to New York and let us just have our life without you two pissing on everyone's good time."

Of course, Mrs. Cullen walks in at just that moment. "Jacob!" she's shocked, and I'd say cranky hearing me taking to her son like this.

"Sorry Mrs. C. but I just had to get that off my chest," I say, quickly looking over to her. I stand, taking Ness by the hand and grabbing the corsage box with the other. "So we're going for dinner. Thanks Emmett for the drink. Thank you Ali, for enhancing what is already beautiful. Thank you Esmee for letting Ness stay at the _party_ tonight and lastly… thank you, you two," I say, looking pointedly at Bella and The Dick, "for being selfish assholes. If I was still wrapped around your little finger Bells, I'd never been able to see this Goddess that was right in front of me. Thank you for giving me a reason to storm into Nessie's room that night. Thank you for giving her a reason to look after me. To hold me. To talk to me. Thank you freeing me to find the love of my life."

Not how I planned on telling Ness that I love her—as a pay back to Bella—but it's out there now. I know she heard the meaning in my words by the way her little warm hand squeezes mine a little tighter in reply.

I look down to her, her sunburst eyes gazing up at me. I think it's a proud smile on her lips. Her shiny, kissable lips.

"Come on sweetheart. The reservation's for six-thirty."

"Okay," she mouths. Her smile splitting across her face. Yeah, it's a proud smile. She's wanted me to chew Bella out for months. It feels freakin' awesome too.

We walk, hand in hand, at a brisk pace out of the kitchen and into the entry foyer, Ness's training duffle filled with her after dance 'party' stuff sitting by the door.

I can hear Esme in the kitchen. She's asking what on earth happened and complaining that she didn't get to take a picture. Emmett is laughing his nuts off. Alice is calling out to Ness that she forgot her lip-gloss. And I hear nothing from the lucky couple. We ignore it all and make our way out side. Into the cool night air. The closing of the door, the freedom I didn't know I had been waiting for. It cleanses me like the cool dusk light that bathes us on the porch.

"Ohhhh. I can't believe I just did that." I'm smiling. A little shocked breathlessness from my lips.

"You did it though," she smiles, winding her arm around my middle.

"Yeah I did. And I feel so much freaking better now."

"I'm proud of you Jake. I know you're not one for confrontation, but she had it coming. Telling you your jaw is strong," she grumbles. "I mean, it does look good. I love it. But shit! She doesn't get to_tell_ you. Especially not in front of Eddie either. Rude much? And, it's _my_ jaw," she smooches, both her hands cupping said amazing jaw. "No one else looks or touches _my_ jaw," she croons, reaching up on her tippy toes in those killer heels.

"What about me? Can I touch my own jaw?" I can't help but smile. This possessive jealous Ness monster is turning me on. I'm realizing that a little bit of possessiveness is downright sexy.

She makes to deliberate for a minute. Her head lilted to the side. Her glossy locks whispering over prefect tits in that sweetheart bodice. "Okay. You can touch your own jaw. But be careful with it. I don't want it getting damaged."

"It won't," I say, going along with our silly banter landing a loving kiss on her lips to boot. I like her in these heals, I don't have to bend down quite so much. She's still a short ass, but not quite so freakishly small. "It's strong, remember? You said it."

"I did. Didn't I? And anyway, she was wrong about the first fruits being the best. Anyone who's ever climbed a fruit tree knows the best fruit it at the top. The bit you have to wait for. The one you have to climb up for. For the tree to be strong enough to support you at the top. But when you _are_ at the top. You're on top of the world. It's just you and your fruit tree. Nothing but the wind in your hair and leaves and the sun warming your skins. Luscious and juicy and ripe for the picking." She smiling at me. That cheeky light in her eyes.

We're not talking about climbing fruit trees.

I don't think we ever were.

"Am I the fruit tree I this analogy?' I say, dry humor in my smile.

"Of course. A cherry tree to be exact."

"Of course."

"The best fruit grows in trees. None of this ground dwelling, acid, spiky leaf tang. I like it sweet and decadent and bursting with life."

"That's you Ness. My little red cherry. Bursting with life."

"Yes, good. I'm a cherry, and Bella's a pineapple. Too much work. You have to cut off all the hard outer bark, just to get to the good, but only to find it's not sweet enough. It's too sour and hurts all the little cuts the outer spikes caused. Hardly worth the effort. Cherries on the other hand… Cherries are just waiting to be bitten, straight off the tree. Take and devour. Asking you to pick it," she say, basically climbing me. A healthy thrust of her gut into my dick for good measure. I'll pick her fruit all right. Right here on this porch if I had my way. But its homecoming dance. And I love this little spit fire. And we're gunna do this right.

"I chose you Ness. Pick you. You know that right?"

"I know," she nods, her eyes easy and sure of my feelings for her. "I know, in no uncertain terms. I heard you tell her as much. And about bloody time too. Stupid bitch had it coming." I've never really heard her voice her feelings for Bella. I kind of guessed they weren't glowing. I see now though, that her protectiveness of me, and her love, have created a little red headed, pocket-sized, white knight ready to defend me. I hope, I mean_really_ hope, she means what she says. That after what just happened inside, she knows just where Bella stands in my life. On the bottom, that is; in the ass, shit-pile. And where Ness stands is at the top. The pinnacle of my esteem. The love of my life. My goddess. My cherry on top.

"Ness," I say, stopping at my car, just before I open the door for her. "Did you hear what I said inside?"

She laughs a little. "Yeah, everyone heard what you said, my sweet man." Her fingers curling up over mine and she brings one of my fingers to her mouth, one finger seductively playing with the edge if her lips. She holds my hand with both of hers, and slowly draws my finger into her mouth, her tongue curling around and sucking as she slowly drags it out. Fuck me she's sexy… and all mine. And I'm finally free of Bella. Ness is perfect for me. I want my dick replaced by my finger. Now, not after dinner and not after the dance. Now.

But what we have is so much more that the sex and the sexy times. Ness and me, we're the full package. Body, mind and soul. The whole love bundle . I can wait a few hours. We're doing this properly.

"I mean the bit about you."

She doesn't answer me. I think she knows what I'm talking about. But I also thinks she's too chicken to call me on it. I'll call myself on it instead.

"I love you, Renesmee Cullen."

My fingers, one still wet form her saliva, twist with hers. Our palms touching, the length of our forearms connecting skin to skin. The radiant heat pulsing off her warms me from the inside. Our eyes meeting, spirit deep. Soul mates.

"I love you, too, Jacob Black."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**Review if you liked.**


	29. Chapter 29 - Horizontal Homecoming Dance

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's **_

_**Ness is perfect for me. I want my dick replaced by my finger. Now, not after dinner and not after the dance. Now.**_

_**But what we have is so much more that the sex and the sexy times. Ness and me, we're the full package. Body, mind and soul. The whole love bundle. I can wait a few hours. We're doing this properly.**_

"_**I mean the bit about you."**_

_**She doesn't answer me. I think she knows what I'm talking about. But I also thinks she's too chicken to call me on it. I'll call myself on it instead.**_

"_**I love you, Renesmee Cullen." **_

_**My fingers, one still wet form her saliva, twist with hers. Our palms touching, the length of our forearms connecting skin to skin. The radiant heat pulsing off her warms me from the inside. Our eyes meeting, spirit deep. Soul mates.**_

"_**I love you, too, Jacob Black."**_

* * *

**Chapter 29 - Horizontal Homecoming Dance**

"She won't quit looking at us Ness." My arms are firmly around my girl as we sway back and forth to yet another One Direction song.

"Well, go dance with her then." She's been bugging me to give Jane Tuner a dance. Ness feels sorry for her. I do too—a little—but she freaks me out so much. I know it's not very charitable, but I can't help it.

"I'm not dancing with her. She's a freak, all pale and red eyes. And besides, I'm here with you… my Queen." I swoon, bending her into a dip. My hands are firm on her waist, my fingers splayed behind her as I feel the small of her back contort in a concave flex. Her hair, long and glossy, is brushing the dirty gym floor.

"Jake!" she squeals, grabbing a hold of the silver sparkled, plastic crown on her head with one hand and smacking me in the arm with the other as she grabs for my shirt.

"Oh come on Ness, I think you can do that move on your own, with your ballet and all."

"I can, but I wasn't ready for it," she giggles as we come back to upright and she presses the crappy sparkly tiara down on her hair and then rearranges the matching one on mine. Yeah, she can bend backwards like that. I don't know how that will translate into sex positions but my god, do I want to find out. "You're lucky I love you," she smiles, lifting up in her toes for a quick kiss.

But I don't want a quick kiss.

I respond by grabbing her face with both hands and pull her in for a long drawn out kiss, my tongue searching hers. Mmmm, I just thought of a good way to have sex in a bent position like that. I can't _stop_ thinking about her body in all different positions. I want more than my tongue in her mouth. I kiss her even harder, my hands wondering over her. Her ass, her back, her shoulders, her tits. God I love her tits. I just want to rip the top of this dress down and suck. This low cut dress has been teasing me all god damn night. I've had a hard on since six-thirty this morning. A mega hard-on since five thirty this afternoon. And I'm now just about at my limits.

I tell her as much, "Do you know how unbelievably hard I am for you right now? I don't think I can take it any longer Ness, I think we're gunna have to fuck right here on the dance floor." My hands cup over her ass and I lift her up off her feet, her body's pressed against me as I carry her. It's not a huge movement because I don't want the teachers pitching a fit. It's subtle and not too risqué, but my dick gets the little bit of relief from the contact. On second thought, I think I just made the ache in my balls worse. Shit. Little J wants so much more than a bit of rubbing through a polyester blend. I put her down as she's shaking her head at my incredulity, it's endearing to her. She's endearing to me. She loves me. She said so.

I would say that, without a doubt, Homecoming week has been a huge success. For me particularly. Last night's Homecoming game was a cake-walk. This afternoon I got to finally tell Bella what I was really feeling towards her. Detestation. Here at the homecoming dance, I've got to have my arms around Ness almost the entire night. We are now literally the King and Queen of the school. Voted on by the entire student body. And in less than ten minutes, we'll be on our way to Third beach, where I plan on coming home… in Ness…literally. I'm such a guy. God I want her body.

But Jane Turner has been watching me all fucking evening. She always stares at me. I'm kind of used to it. But for some reason tonight it's irritating me. I want to tell her to fuck off. But Ness, bless her, wants me to dance with the witch.

"Go on Jake," she urges, nudging me toward the albino. "I wanted to dance with Seth anyway, this is both our excuses." Her warm hand comes up to cup the side of my face, making sure I have her full attention. She doesn't need to. She's always the chief thing on my mind. "Be the leader everyone knows you are. You give that girl three minutes of your time and you might just change her day, her week, even her whole damn year." She's smiling up at me. I like the way her eyes are lined with a green color tonight, the same as her dress. It makes the sunlight bursts in her eyes do some magic iridescent sparkle. "I know just a little bit of attention from you turned _my_ life on its head."

"Just a little" I scoff. We've hardy spent more than a few hours apart since we started dating. Not that I'm complaining. It's never enough time with Ness. It's just not 'a little'.

"It _was_ just a little, those first few weeks at least. Didn't stop me from day-dreaming about you every waking hour. And then _dream-_dreaming about _all_ of you in my sleep." She giggles, that mischievous smile lighting her face.

"Did all my playing hard to get, get you all ruffled baby." I was an idiot for not seeing how amazing she was that first night.

"More ruffled that a bag of chips. But now, I think… as much as don't really want to say this… that it's time for you to go dance with another girl."

"Do I have to?" my voice sounds winey and nasally. Not my best moment tonight.

"If you want to ruffle more than just my feathers in that camp you've got set up, then yes."

"You know about that?" and then I ice that cake by allowing my shitty voice to squeak like a pre-pubescent girl.

"Yes I know. Quill's got a big mouth."

"That mother fucker is dead."

"Oh leave him alone. I manipulated it out of him. The guy thinks purely with his dick."

"His dick. What the fuck did you do to him?"

"I didn't _do _anything Jacob." Sounding my name out in clipped syllables. "I know how good my tits look in this dress." Oh shit. Man, how could I forget? They look fucking spectacular in that number. I guess Ateara never had a chance. Still gunna flick him in the dick for telling about the tent. And for looking at Ness.

"They _do _look fucking spectacular. I haven't stopped looking at them all night," I whisper into her ear, pulling her closer. Her little hand is in mine as I press it between both our chests, the other on my shoulder, I have my other hand on her waist, often creeping lower and over her ass. She has an awesome ass. She's never corrected my wondering palms the entire night, either. Her cheek is on my peck and mine to the top of her head as we spin slowly on the spot. I'm so tall and she's so short, it probably looks awkward. But it's not; she's in my arms. How could that ever be uncomfortable? I never want to let her go.

A slightly faster song starts and she pulls away, making some distance between us and dropping her hands. "Well go on," she encourages, "but don't go making out with the girl. Just some platonic dancing. The poor thing always looks so lonely Jake. Go give her just one dance. Then come and find me again."

I don't really want to do this. But for Ness I will. She has a sixth sense about these things. So I pull her back in for a not so short kiss. In reality, we make out for a good quarter of the song, before she pushes me lightly on the shoulders and smiles knowingly. She knows I'm stalling. Then we separate. And I walk over to my stalker and ask her to dance while my girlfriend walks over to her partially closeted gay, fake ex. The things I do for love.

Turns out Jane isn't so bad, I still don't really like her, but she's not a complete freak. She just has a weird way of talking. Even when she's happy, she still seems angry. I guess I'd be angry too if I was albino and going blind. She looks a bit weird, too. Her eyes are really freaky. I know I shouldn't say bad things about people with disabilities. But freaks me out. Even if I give her a few free shots with the vision impairment and overall paleness, it still does.

Ness just thinks she's misunderstood and has a bit of a chip on her shoulder. I don't think she actually believes either Ness or I would be nice to her without an ulterior motive. I guess I don't blame her for being skeptical. She doesn't need to be such a bitter harpy about everything single thing I say though. I really don't wanna be dancing with the albino. She is the antithesis of Ness. And I really do think she's a closet witch… or maybe a necromancer. But I dance with her to make Ness happy—and so hopefully Jane won't stick voodoo needles in a toy Jake's eyes or burn a mini-me at some miniature stake. It's a long two minutes.

The second the song is over though, I give my excuses and make a B-line to Seth and Ness.

They're dancing like a couple, just no pelvis involvement. Don't care how gay he is, one dance is enough.

"I'm not sure two _queens_ are allowed to dance together," I say over Nessie's shoulder to Seth.

They both laugh, his eyes meeting mine over the top of her tiny frame. "Shut the fuck up asshole." His smile letting me know we're all still okay.

Ness brings her hand up over my shoulder, running her fingers through my now growing hair. "Thankyou for doing that. You just earned an evening worth of karma in that one little gesture."

"It's not karma's pants I want get in to." I growl into her ear.

"Well, you just earned an entire weekend's worth of Ness karma too," she says turning to face me. Her short, neat polished nail pressing into my chest. "Does that make it worthwhile?"

"More than worth it." I smile, biting at the sexy smirk on my lip. "Now, as much as I like the idea of a threesome," just with two girls and not a gay guy I consider family, "I'd like to dance with my date for the last dance. Alone," I say to Clearwater. He's been getting his fair share of skirt tonight. Too bad he prefers chinos.

Seth winks at me. It's become his thing. I think he thinks it's hilarious. Winking at Jake when he thinks no one is watching. Watch me try to not be all homophobic. Ha-ha-ha. I'm not homophobic. I just don't want Seth hitting on me. I know he's not really hitting on me, he's just doing it to get a rise. Ness probably gave him the idea to start with. So I don't give him the response he's after. Fucker. I just poke my tongue at him and pull Ness off to a dark corner of the gym.

I forget about Jane Turner and Seth Clearwater. And we hold each other to the slow romantic music of the last song.

The last verse is only beginning when I pull us out of our embrace and thread my fingers through hers. "Come on babe. Let's beat the rush and get out of here now."

I step a few paces back and watch her watch me, before turning and doing my best to not drag her out of the gym.

-#-

"I can't believe Quil told you." We're traipsing thought the partially cleared track from the road to the sand of Third beach. We each have a flash light. I have Ness's bag over one shoulder and the other arm is holding her.

"I think I would have guessed when we pulled up Jake. And I think this hike in the dark might have clued me in to our destination too."

"But he didn't have to tell you."

"He didn't," she laughs "you've told me more with all you're whining. All he said is that we're gunna get sand everywhere. The dirty pervert. And anyway, I don't care. It doesn't matter where we are Jacob, as long as we're together." She's looking up at me her head nudging me in reinforcement.

"I just wanted it to be special Ness. Romantic."

"You think it'll be less special because I knew where we were going two hours before?"

"No your right," I concede. "I'm just looking for a reason to punch Quil in the dick."

She lets out a loud full-bellied laugh as we make our way to the end of the path, the sudden burst of ocean wind welcoming us. "Let's not worry about Quil's dick anymore, okay?" The tent is just to the left of the path, and I lead us over to it. I set back a little, into the tree line for protection form the elements and for a little extra privacy. "There's a dick much closer to my heart that I'm currently little preoccupied with." I shine the light towards her as I dump the bag at the zippered entrance and can see a self-satisfied grin lighting her up, her teeth biting her lips as she fights back a sexy smile.

I've already forgotten what I was thinking about. All I can think about now is getting her out of that dress.

"Welcome to our first home Ness," I say sweeping her up and holding her.

She looks around us. The crappy two man tent is flapping a little in the wind, an occasional stray branch brushing into the sides. The trees above us framing it all. The moon is gracious enough to be out tonight and it's over the ocean and making that shimmering line the moon sometimes does on the water.

"You did good Jake. It's beautiful. This is special." We're a foot away from each other. Not touching. I'm just happy to soak her in in this moonlight. I want to light up the candles I have inside, but I don't want to leave her side either.

She shifts on her foot. A nervous habit I've never noticed before. "I'm just gunna…" she points over to a rocky out crop a few yards up from us.

"You want to go for a walk?" I was kind of hoping we could go lay down a while instead. A very strenuous lie down.

She laughs and snorts a little through her teeth, shaking her head as she rummages through her duffle and fetching smaller waterproof type bag out and kicking of the sandals she'd swapped into at the car. "No babe, I gotta go pee."

"Oh." Peeing, Oh course. I didn't thing about that. Shit. "Sorry. Ok. You just go do that. I'm just gunna fluff the pillows up and stuff."

She nods. Her face smiling as she keeps watching me for a few backwards steps before she turns and jogs off. Her short sparking dress flapping against her legs in the wind.

I take the opportunity to unzip the tent. Dumping her bag in the corner next to mine and finding the lighter I stashed in a side pocket.

By the time Ness is back I have the half dozen candles lit in the jars I saved up and cleaned. The night would sure be memorable if I set the nylon tent on fire. I want it hot, not third degree burn inducing.

I'm sitting on the make shift bed, my doona as a base and the spare blankets off my sisters empty beds on top as Ness pokes her head in the fly.

"Can I come in?" she asks, looking around, her smile luminescent in the candle light.

I jump up, determined to do this my way from here on in. "Only if you let me carry you in," I say, my chest blocking her entrance. I don't wait for her to answer me, I just stoop down, sweeping her up into my arms the way guys do. It feels fucking amazing holding her like this. Her arms instinctively wind around my neck. The hand that's holding her legs has splayed over the side of her thigh and the other is just cupping the side of her breast.

She is light in my arms and my heart is light with the love I see in her eyes. "I love you," she says softly, craning her neck up to kiss me. I lower mine and our lips meet. It's soft and warm and full of everything thing we feel for each other.

With lips still touching, I step us inside the tent. The silence from the wind is soothing and all I can hear in the beating of my heart in my ears and the soft in and out of her breath against my lips.

"Love you too."

I manage to kneel down onto the blankets and lower Ness gracefully enough. She sits up, her legs bent slightly, her hands braced straight behind her back. "Did I tell you look handsome tonight? Because you do. And I think I'm gunna have my hands full fighting off most of the female population at school now that they've seen you in a tie." She smiles, leaning forward and starting to loosen the knot around my neck.

She's gently shaking it back and forth, loosening it until she can slide the loop out. It hangs loosely around my neck as she starts to unbutton each buttonhole. There is something very sexy about being slowly undressed by a beautiful woman. I just have to be patient until I can return the favor. I think I've been pretty freakin' patient today though. My hands are itching to find the zipper of that dress.

I help her untuck my shirt and she pushes it off my shoulders. I never unbuttoned the wrist cuffs on the shirt and my hands are temporally trapped behind me for a sec. Ness takes the opportunity to lift up up on her knees and starts to kiss a trail over my shoulders, across my clavicle and up the side of my neck. Her lips send a ripple through me and I'm content to stay semi-restrained by my own shirt for a little longer. I've never thought I'd be someone who'd enjoy being tied up. Turns out… it's not so bad.

"I love your skin Jake." Her breath is both warm and cool on the wet patches of each caress. "It's like I want to eat it." Her teeth bite gently on my shoulder as her hands never stop exploring. The small nips like a shot of Viagra to my already throbbing member. Being gently bitten, I do like. A lot. But nowhere near as much as taking control of the little woman that's climbing me like an A-frame.

And I've decided, as of now, that I don't like being restrained as much either. Even if it's by accident as I take off a shirt. I have to have my hands free to feel her. Hold her. Touch her.

I struggle to get my giant hands out of the still tightly fastened cuffs. I think a button comes off I the struggle. I don't care. I have this unrelenting urge to simply touch Ness. When I am finally free, my hands move to wrap straight around her waist and I pull her in close. Kissing her with more passion than before.

I want her so bad. I've been so hard for so long now, I think I've lost sensation in my dick and it might have started to numb. Nessie's hands slide down my chest and find the buckle of my belt. My lips are still latched to hers yet she undoes it easily without having to look. She's skilled like that.

Small little fingers undo the button and metal clasp and without preamble, she lowers the fly. I find myself pulled out of my boxers and warm soft hands encircling my perpetual hard on. Oh god. I've been waiting for those little fingers all damn afternoon. She doesn't fail to excite. I sit back for a second, enjoying her movements, before kicking off the long pants, leaving me in nothing but the blue and green striped boxers I have on, my dick standing at attention through the fly. Then my lips are back, kissing hers, my hands twisting though her soft ringlets of her hair. Her hands are still around my dick. Every pump earning her a more penetrating kiss, my tongue deeper down her throat. By the way, regardless of the all-day boner, my dick's _not_ numb. The sensation is still there. If anything, it's magnified.

She moves her hands up and down a few more times. It's easy to get lost in the things she does to me. But I've wanted to take that beautiful dress off of her all evening. And I want to strip her down while I still have the patience to do it reasonably slowly. I don't know what 'reasonable' will be, but I want it to be slow enough so that I can savour it and remember the first time I truly took Renesmee's clothes off. I rise up on to my knees too, our lips never parting through all of this. We just move and flow with one another. It's symbolic of the two of us.

The dress has a hidden zipper at the back and after a few attempts I find the concealed opening and slowly unlock the tangs. I pull away with all the self-control I have, breaking our kiss and her hands' activity so I can see her. I want to see the bodice as it comes away from her body.

"I've been imaging this all evening," I say, my voice sounding far away and belonging to someone else.

The dress doesn't disappoint. She smiles at me as the zipper reaches the end, and the front of the 'm' shaped top falls forwards, opening like a clam-shell. Oh fuck me dead, she hasn't had a bra on all night. She's bare from the waist up and she kneels confidently beneath me, observing the play of emotions across my face. I have no self-control left.

I duck down, cupping and bring a pert pink nipple to my mouth. Sucking on one and then to the other. Ness holds the back of my head to her, encouraging and arching her spine forwards. I shuffle us back a little and kiss my way up and along her neck, encouraging her to lie back.

She does, giggling at my sudden attack of her tits. And the less that gentle shuffle of the rest of the dress off her hips.

She lifts up and undoes more of the zipper behind her. "It's longer than you think" she says, sliding the sparkly skirt off. I help her glide it over creamy thighs, my hand finding skin in the wake of the netting.

"You're so beautiful Ness," I whisper.

Pulling back, I rake my eyes over her and memorize this beautiful woman as she is right now. Lying in nothing but black lace knickers, her glossy hair is half falling over her shoulder, some of it hiding her left breast and the rest flowing along the length of her arm. It's times like these that I wish I could sketch good. I'd be all Leonardo in Titanic, drawing the tits of this beautiful hot chick before me. But I can't draw for shit, so I do the next best thing and take a mental picture. Purposefully setting this magnificence in front of me to memory.

Her cheeks are a little flushed and the rosy color courses lightly down her throat and over her chest until it blends in with the darker pink circles of her boobs. My eyes are drawn further down, following the single line of muscle from her breastbone to her belly button, to the top of her panties. The concave ripple of her waist rolling as she breathes. The thin line of sexy as hell lace that edges her pants sits just below the bones of her hip. Just at the widest part, before her pelvis tapers back in, following the long sinewy line of her legs. They're smooth and tanned from the summer. My hands are on autopilot, moving of their own accord, sliding over and reveling in the contours of her body.

She's lying with her knees pressed together, one leg slightly bent from the other. One arm is draped loose on her tummy, the other is up by her head, playing with the mass of ringlets strewn on the pillow. I think she looks like a centerfold like this. She's undoubtedly better than any woman I've ever seen in any magazine. Her skin is smooth and soft and her perfect legs taper off to the tip of her perfect toes. It's the best god damned photo I've ever taken in my head. I wish I had a real camera with me. I won't forget this for a long, _looong_ time though.

My eyes having had their fill, I sprawl across her. "Perfect," I mumble into her lips, as my chest presses against hers. Bare skin against bare skin. Me and Ness. Nothing but a little bit of underwear between us. She just smiles at me. The soft word, "ditto" playing at her lips before her arms wrap around my neck and I'm pulled down for a long heated kiss.

Her hands smooth over my back, paying with the line of muscles along my spine. Her head rolls back and she lets out a soft contented moan as I kiss slowly behind her ear, down and under her jaw, savoring the extra soft skin I find there and inhaling the delicious scent of my woman. I want more now. It's a need and a compulsion. I want to taste _all_ of her, have my lips run over the very softest part of her.

I scoot back, kissing my way slowly down her chest. Counting ribs and circling my tongue back up around her nipple only to swap and do it all again on the other side. I can't get enough of her in my mouth. I want to be consumed by the fire she lights in me.

My lips slide down one side of her tummy, leaving a cool trail of wetness in its wake as I taste the sweet saltiness of her skin, my fingers mirroring my tongue on the other side. She lets out a little giggle, mixed in with a pleasure filled moan from my explorations.

My hands slide down her hips, curling and finding tentative purchase at the band of lace between me and _all_ of Nessie. She raises her butt of the bed and allows me to slowly lower her panties. Down, over her hips and it twists and curls over her thigh. She lowers back down and I leave her lying with the lace twisted around her knees. The visual this gives me is second to none. The shutter sound clicking as a second mental picture echoes in my mind. My dick twitches at the sight.

"Oh god you look good like that," I say, my voice nothing more than a husky breath. Little J is just about ready to do what he likes. Forget tasting. He wants to be inside of her, _now_. So do I.

She must see something darken in my eyes, because she sits up a little, the movement causing the hidden muscle in her soft stomach to bunch and tighten. Her hands are sure as they take the top of my trunks and push them down, over my raging boner and further, she pushes me a little. I let myself fall to the side as she sits up more, removing it all—mine _and_ while she's there, the rest of her tangled panties, too.

_Finally_, we're naked together. I shuffle us closer together. Trying to get as much of my skin to press against hers as I can. To feel the soft silkiness in all her glorious entirety. Her hand weaves between us and the tips of her fingertips circle the very tip of Little J. He's been seeping pre-cum for ages and she smears it over his head. The result is a slippery warm sensation over the most sensitive part of an already over stimulated cock. My ribs and abs bunch involuntarily, a deep contented groan coming from me as I go limp everywhere but within her hands.

I feel her rise up, preparing to suck to orgasm right out of me. But even in my pent up, lust filled haze, I remember my promise from yesterday up on the bleachers. Nessie gets first pleasures tonight.

"Oh no you don't," I say before her lips find my shaft, my voice rasping and in no way hiding my peaking need. My hand wraps around her shoulder, the heel of my palm gently presses her back to the floor. Stretched out along side of her, I brush a few stray curls from her eye, lifting her head to my lips.

I break us apart and kiss my way back down her body. Over her stomach and lower. I shift between her legs and softly draw my lips over the inner soft line of her thigh. My breath blowing delicately into the deep pink folds between. She shifts and moans as my tongue laves a long single stoke inside.

Ness tastes like pure heaven to me. All her nutty womanliness with the musky aroma of her arousal makes me want to drink her in. So I do. My tongue lapping as she starts all the little noises of pleasure that drive me wild. My lips find her little bundle of nerves and she lets out a long drawn out moan as I suck. Playing with her bud with my lips and tongue, my cock is throbbing as I press it into the edge of the bedding beneath us. It's torture to hold off for her. But for her, I'd wait an eternity.

I add a finger, pressing up as my lips press down, trapping the bulk of her stimulation between. I feel her internal muscles tighten around my finger, holding it in as I move back and forth. I add a second finger and her breathy pants start to come hard and fast. Her hands are by her side, clutching at the covers as she writhes around her back arching off.

"Oh god," she calls, "Jake…. Oh god—Jake. Come here. Don't... I don't want to come without you." Her fingers curl underneath my arms as she sits up slightly, feebly trying to pull me up to her. Her eyes are glassy and her hair is sticking up on end for all the head thrashing she's been doing.

"I promised you Ness," I say with my fingers still inside of her. My thumb finds her clit to take over for my mouth.

"I don't care what I said. I need _you,_ Jacob. Your dick… inside of me… _now_." Her eyes roll back in her head as a germinal shudder ripples through her. Her hand reaches between us, stopping my fingers and grabbing a hold of my dick and moving it to the entrance of her wet heat. I'm not gunna fight her on this. I'm more than happy to be inside of her. My dick is literally crying to get inside. It's prepped and primed and pointing it's way to home and in one fluid movement, Renesmee's back arching up and her hips tilting, I am. I'm inside her.

I'm home.

"Oh. Ooooooh." God I've missed this. But it's never been like _this_. "Oh Ness," I moan, moving tentatively deeper.

"More Jake. More," she pleads. Her hands on my ass as she pulls me in. All the way. Until I'm sheathed entirely, deep inside of this amazing, beautiful woman.

I've never had sex without a condom before. The feelings are genuinely ten times better. But this isn't sex… it's love making. I realize now, I've never made love before. Because I've never been in love. I've never loved anyone the way I love Ness. And I've never been loved this way either.

We both start to move. Her little feet finding a stepping point on the back of my calves. She rocks in time to me. Her hands firm on my shoulders as she pulls her hips up to meet me in the middle. We're all ways meeting in the middle. My other half.

Her eyes are shut and she has a little frown of concentration between her brows. I kiss it, my nose dragging down her cheek and pressing against hers. Or lips hovering just millimeters apart.

"I love you." she breathes, small moans escaping her lips as well.

I want to answer her, I do. But the tip of my dick is about ready to explode. My load is primed and in the barrel. "Oh my god. Ness. I know. I… god. I love you too." I can't really form a coherent sentence at this point.

"Oh god Jake. I'm so… god."

I can feel her ripples of pleasure start around my shaft. My body responds by increasing its pace. I swear my dick gets a good inch longer and other quarter thicker from the sensation. Or maybe she's just _that_ tight.

I start to slam into her, over and over again. The pressure building in us both. Our breaths are mingled as we become as close and any two people can be. Ness starts calling out incomprehensible words to the roof of the tent as the walls of her contract and convulse around me. I take one more out stroke and then on the return, I too explode. The pyrotechnic eruption of pleasure courses through us both. Her wave like motions milking me and only acting to enhance the entire miracle.

We both move in sync for a few more thrusts. Each movement is another intensified explosion of orgasm. Then I make one last drive, and she lets out a sharp frenzied cry of pleasure. The head of my cock pressing up into the end barrier of the little woman I'm inside. My entire length is housed by her. I feel like I've come home. Content and safe and exactly where I belong. I make one more revolution before collapsing on top of her. Not wanting to squash her, I try my best to fall to the side while we're still connected. I'm in no hurry to leave this special place. I press my mouth to hers, kissing her in a daze before sliding my lips off and down her cheek.

We lie like this for a while. Both out of it and swimming on our own bubble of bliss. We're mutually spent and panting like we just ran a 100m meter hurdle. I hear a little huff of a laugh from her and I tilt my head to see her looking up to the roof, a satisfied grin plastered to her face.

"Wow," she breathes. Her hand coming up and flopping over my back. "That was freaking amazing Jake. A-maze-ing" She's trying to turn to look at me and we shuffle our shoulders apart so that we can see one another. We stay connected though. I'm still not ready to leave her warmth. I sling a leg over her and shift her so we're both on our sides her feet sliding between my legs. Like this, our hips are pressed together but still with some space between out chests. And I have plenty of room to move my hands. And they find the soft curves of her breasts.

Pinching and playing with my toys absently, I smile, my eyes searching over the lines of her face. I love everything about this girl. The arch of her eye brow. The curve of her nose. The way her lips form a full little bout when there relaxed and the way they pull across her prefect teeth when she's smiling. Like she is now. I love the way her eyes sparkle. That open and pure heart bursting from within.

"Yeah. Extraordinarily good," I pant. "Officially the best sex of my life Ness. Of. My life."

"Ditto." She smiles, nodding.

We're quiet for a little longer. Both of us content to just lie here and stare at each other. It's not weird or awkward. It's beautiful. I can't get enough of looking at her. And she seems the same with me.

There is a flow of energy between us. I can feel it and I know Ness can too. And I want to capture the sheer perfection of the way I feel right now. My hand moulding over one of her breasts, her fingers massaging the bulky muscle of my shoulder.

I lean in to kiss her. Her eyes flutter closed a second before mine do and I realize that this is about as perfect as my life can possibly get. Our lips press together and our tongues flick between until I can't figure what is mine and what is hers. My pleasure _is_ hers. Our bodies are joined. Our hearts are united. Our souls are bound together.

We're one and the same.

* * *

**Thanks for Reading, let me know your thoughts.**

**I want to say thank you to Aretee for her Beta brain.**

**And a shout out for a great new story by Egratia, it's called _Experiments_. Check it out if you want to read a slow building burn.**


	30. Chapter 30 - Thankyou T'ist'ilal

**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**

"_**Officially the best sex of my life Ness. Of. My. life."**_

"_**Ditto," she smiles, nodding.**_

_**We're quiet for a little longer. Both of us content to just lie here and stare at each other. It's not weird or awkward. It's beautiful. I can't get enough of looking at her. And she seems the same with me.**_

_**There is a flow of energy between us. I can feel it and I know Ness can too. And I want to capture the sheer perfection of the way I feel right now. My hand moulding over one of her breasts, her fingers massaging the bulky muscle of my shoulder. **_

_**I lean in to kiss her. Her eyes futter closed a second before mine do and I realize that this is about as perfect as my life can possibly get. Our lips press together and our tongues flick between until I can't figure what is mine and what is hers. My pleasure is hers. Our bodies are joined. Our hearts are united. Our souls are bound together. **_

_**We're one and the same.**_

* * *

**Chapter 30 - Thankyou T'ist'ilal**

I wake up to the sound of the waves crashing, the soft patter of rain on the sand outside, the harsh and spasmodic scratching of branches on the outer shell of our tent and the persistent urge get up and take a piss. I have been lying here for what seems like twenty minutes, it's probably only been two, waiting for Ness to wake up so I can go and take a slash. I'm freakn' busting. Everything is so much more excruciating by the way she has her tiny little naked body slung over me. Her leg's pressing into my bladder stretching my normally good holding capacity. But it's also reminding little J that her cooch is only a few inches from him. He's decided a little innocuous morning wood is going to be much, _much_ more than simply standing to attention on morning parade; he's straining to get back into the trenches.

I'm dying to wake her, but I'm reluctant to. She's so peaceful and serene lying here like this. There is only a sliver of light reaching the tent. It's still very early judging from the greyed illumination. Ness still looks beautiful though, her curls are everywhere, all over her face, where it lies on my chest and there are a few strands laying across her closed eyes. It's spiralling down her back—her back is fucking spectacular by the way, it's so defined and well held. And a few of her long ringlets are even curing over _my_ chest and pooling in a coiled caress at my throat. She has one little hand bunched up under her chin, right above my heart. And her leg… well you know about her leg.

Little J does a little twitch at the thought of the creamy ass that's under my fingers. And my hands smooth over the soft skin just north of her softest parts.

But I need to take a piss.

Slowly, I shuffle out from underneath her. Weaving and manoeuvring myself out. I lay her back on her side so her legs splay out crosswise on the blanket, her head finds the pillow that has gone unused for most of the night and I cover her gently.

I stand and take in this little woman curled up on the ground. My best friend. My Girlfriend. The love of my life. Last night was pretty much perfect. She's perfect. I'm such a lucky fucker. I got to go pee.

The sound of the tents inner zipper seems loud in my ears as I slowly pull it up. I take one last look over my shoulder, taking in the soft relaxed lines of her features. Her lips are slightly turned up and I think I can hear a little chuckle from her. I think she's laughing in her dreams. I hope they're with me.

With that satisfying thought, I duck out of the tent, bare-ass naked, to be instantly hit by the buffering winds of a typical La Push Fall morning. It's brisk but the temperature isn't unbearable, the rain is nothing more than a drizzle as I make a short dash to the tree line in nothing but my birthday suit.

'

* * *

'

"Where have you been?" she asks sleepily as I come back into the sheltering warmth of our love-tent. She sits up a little, her elbows supporting her from behind. The spotty blanket I'd draped over her has fallen down, exposing two ripe pink buds and little J is getting all kinds of ideas again.

"Knocking down a big tree so we're stuck here and we have to stay forever," I say jokingly, but wishing it was true as I zip the fly back up and lie down beside her. I sneak under the covers that are still warm by her body heat. Her body is hot.

Her eyes are heavy with sleep still. Her smile is lascivious and inviting as she snuggles up under my arm. "That sounds like a very good idea," she mumbles against my skin. With her face pressed into the side of my chest, my arm wraps around her of its own accord. I feel her flinch a little from my cool touch, "Jeez Jake, your hands are freezing, how cold is it out there?" Her soft lips are warm on my ribs.

"S'not too bad. Sorry," I whisper, my hand casually brushing along the side of her back, my fingers training over her curves, tracing the rounded out line of the side of her breast. "You're just really warm Ness," leaving it up to her to decide which way to take my words. I mean it in both senses.

She lift her head up to look at me, her neck straining slightly as she pushes up off my chest with a bent fist. I lean my head down to meet her. Our lips pressing softly and securely in a savouring kind of good morning kiss.

Her breath is sweet and fruity, as she deepens the kiss, her soft pillow lips mounding around mine as her hot little tongue peeks out, flicking and playing with mine. God she's a good kisser.

"Lots of me are warm," she whispers against my lips as her hands form a heady grip around my cock.

"Uh ha," I breathe. Any sort of witty comment wiped directly from my mind with a single stroke of her hand. My sense of speech also wiped with the several long and firm stokes that follow.

I open my eyes a crack to see her push up with one hand, the other still working me over as she moves to kneel on all fours alongside of me. Her lips find mine again and my hands tangle into her messy curls, pulling her closer, pressing her soft lips into mine. I want to devour her, be consumed _by_ her, and drink form her cherry lips until we're both spent.

Balancing her weight on her knees and her left arm, she lowers herself down a little, her tits pressing into my chest, her back arcing like a supple cat. Her right arm is stretched out along her side before it comes to a spectacular fist between my legs. She's so fucking good with her hands.

I can be good with mine too.

My hands run down her back. Fingers gliding over her soft skin and contours, smooth and curving, giving, and compliant. Feminie.

Ness has the finest ass I have ever laid my hands on. Not that there's been that many. But I'm quietly confident that this is a fine ass. And, lost in the pleasure of a dawn hand job, my hands wonder in circles around her smooth silky cheeks. Around and around as her hand moves up and down.

All the while our breath blending as our mouths dance. My tongue is matching my hands between her lips too. Little small circles over her teeth, an easy and undemanding battle between us, neither asking for domination, neither willing to submit.

I think about my tongue probing and playing with her wet mouth and my extremities duplicate the movement below. My first finger traces a line down her centre, finding the wettest, warmest part of her. She lets out a short delighted moan as my fingers dance between her folds. Playing and massaging before finding her small centre of nerves.

I flick her clit a few times, barely supressing the self-satisfied smirk from my lips as she twitches with each touch. Ness doesn't have all the form on finger play.

We stay like this for a while, hands pleasuring each other, lips swelling and tingling from the all-consuming kisses until I feel like I'm gunna explode. And judging from the movement of her hips and the short pants between kisses, so is Ness.

My fingers leave her folds for a moment, only to take a hold her hips and lift her on top of me rolling myself flat at the same time. She sits up, breaking our lips apart for the first time since I came back to bed. My auburn hair beauty crouching over on the balls of her feet, balancing her hands on my chest. Her hand grabs me again and lines me up. "Morning Jake," she smiles, her eyes sparking behind the stray curl that's fallen over her brow. Then she leans back slightly, sinking down on to me. "I love you."

Fuck. I let out a long, drawn out moan. All of the air in my lungs is expelled to make room for the pleasure I feel from being surrounded by this spectacular woman. She takes all of me as she slides down my length. Lowering until the flesh of our hips are touching.

She pauses at the hilt. Our bodies combined, all barriers gone. Her eyes are glazed yet focused intently on me. She's truly spectacular sitting on top of me like this. Her hair is a wild mess of curls, a Greek goddess of tousled sex hair. Her lips are a deep red, swollen and engorged from our passionate kissing. Her hour glass figure is smooth and silky. Creamy skin blending into pink, flushed nipples sitting up proud, up front of rounded, full, pert titties. I couldn't keep my hands to themselves even if either of us wanted me to.

And _I_ sure as shit don't want to.

My hands grab a good handful, three fingers each twisting and playing with her two carat rubies. Each gentle tug firing rippling waves of pleasure through her body and around my dick. It's just too much staying still like this, I have to move in her. I raise up, pressing into her just that little bit more. I can feet the head of my dick press into the end of her warm secret. As deep as I can go. That surges me on a little more, my back tightening as my hands flow over her waist to her hips. "God, I love you too."

I want to fuck her. Now.

My fingers curl under her ass and lift her as I pull my hips back. Her thighs start assisting and we start up a satisfying rhythm. Nessie's arms are straight, out stretched in front of her so her tits are squeezed together between her elbows in a very pleasing way. Her hands are flat, splayed out and braced against my chest as her sinewy thighs surge. I lift her up and let her fall back down hard on to me, each movement meet with an upward thrust of my hips.

She shifts back a little, reducing the length of her movement but somehow tightening her muscles around me. I just about bow my load as I realize she's moved a little more upright so that she can free up a hand to reach between her own thighs. Ness starts rolling her fingers, playing with her own centre, bringing herself closer and closer to the same precipice I've been teetering on for several minutes already.

She's so light, it's no effort to lift her up and along my shaft, her shapely thighs making light work of the exercise too. We keep up a perfect rhythm, our bodies colliding in sync until I hear and feel a change. Nessie's breath starts to quicken, her quiet pants morph into abandoned husky sucks of air. I can feel her climax approaching as it ripples over me, bring me closer to the very edge of my own highpoint.

With a few longer, less coordinated strokes, I let her hips drop down on to mine. Then, lifting up off the bedding and thrusting deeper, I pull her down and onto me. My stomach contracts and sits me half up as every last drop of white-hot eruption is milked out of me by her uncontrollable, shuddering contractions.

"Jake," she screams, her head thrown back, her back arching and pushing out those perfect tits. She pants a few deep galvanizing breaths, her body twitching as she continues with a few additional, slower rubs of her swollen and sensitive nub. Each twitch, a short, desert course squeeze of little J.

Nirvana on the shores of Third beach.

Spent, and I'd say with quads that will be a little sore, she flops down on to my chest. Her legs curled under her and by my sides. Her little hands are fisted under her chin as both our chests expand with each recuperative breath.

"Oh Nessie." I say between breaths, "you're so fucking amazing."

"So are you Jake," she puffs, "so are you." She laughs a little, the vibrations in her chest juddering over my stomach. "What a way to wake up."

'

* * *

'

We doze for a little while, and sometime later I wake to her curvy ass pressing into little J. I know she's awake from the soft mewing noises she makes as she presses back on to me.

We didn't bother with the blanket after our impromptu romp, instead using each other's arms and legs like coverings. We ended up nestled like two spoons lying pressed together. I'm a giant tablespoon and Ness is a tea in this analogy though. One of my arms is draped over her little waist, the other trapped under her head as a pillow. She's curled up, nestling into my chest and as I wake to the pressing of her softness to my solidity, I can't resist a finger tracing of her hip, the smoothness and the soft lines lure me in.

"You're beautiful," I whisper in to her neck, my hand curving up her ribs and finding a breast. It's like a magnet, my hands are now incapable of _not_ copping a feel. Especially when they're right here, naked and soft, and big and bouncy. I don't know how I'm gunna resist at school tomorrow. Ness has really good tits.

"You make me feel beautiful," she replies, lifting up and turning to face me, her lips finding mine for a soft slow press.

Shifting her legs so one is around mine, the mixed up mess of our love juices squishing on us both. I make a little grossed out noise as Ness just laughs at my repulsion. "Wanna go for a swim?" she asks apparently not repulsed by my hour old spoodge, but at least keen to wash off.

The rain has stopped since we fell back asleep, causing the humidity in the tent to rise, it's now very warm in here and verging on stuffy.

"If you wanna," I say, our eyes unfocused we're so close. "It's hot in here but it's going to be cold outside, especially in the sea." I really don't like the cold water that much, but for Ness I'd risk a bit of shrinkage. My hand finds hers and our fingers intertwine, her little hand hanging off mine and my fingertips gently skim against a nipple. A quick swim might be nice. Invigorating even. I wonder if she'd be up to a round three. I've never done it in the water before.

"A little cold water bathing doesn't scare me," she vaunts. "It's good for you. The benefits are well documented." She smiles, giving me a quick peck on the lips before sitting up. "You get a really good endorphin rush," she informs, rifling through her duffle bag and throwing a plain while tank top over her head. "and apparently…" she stands and puts her feet through her discarded old knickers, bending over and giving me a good look, winking at me from her upside-down position, her eye brows giving me a cheeky wiggle, "it's really good for libido too."

At that, I'm up onto my feet, my head brushing the tip of the tent. My other head doing its best to touch the opposite side. Nessie's side. I'm not gunna bother dressing, less to take off as I do my best to take Ness in the Pacific.

Ness bobs down and pulls my boxers out of from where they were hurriedly discarded last night. "Here, put these on," she says, holding them up to me as she stands.

I shake my head. "Nah. I'm gunna go skinny dipping. I've always wanted to give it a try," I smile. My hands reaching the waist of her undies and yanking them half down, over one side of her hip. "Wanna join me?"

"Yes," she purrs, "but I'm not climbing the trail in the nuddy."

"Trail? You want to cliff dive?" I ask, my lip biting between my teeth. She answers with a nod.

She's so fucking incredible.

'

* * *

'

It is cold outside. Not as much as when it had been raining, but the wind is still cool on my bare chest. Ness is high beaming me through that while tank the whole hike up too. I try a few times to get a feel of just how hard they are but I'm swatted away with a quick hand and laughing, smiling shake of her head. Bella would never have put up with all this shit. She'd never have even agreed to swim in the first place, not even in the height of summer, let alone the middle of Fall. But Ness does. Shit, it was her idea even. She initiates all the good stuff; whether it be practical jokes or music, movies and junk food, mid-air aquatics, or uninhibited dancing… the vertical or the better _horizontal _kind, Ness is game. She's my kind of woman. My best friend _and_ I'm in love with her too.

After a half mile hike, we get to the top of the cliffs, and as always, I'm struck by the majesty of my home lands. The beauty of the water as it meets the land and the small outcrops dotted along the coast give me moment to pause and marvel. The wind is stronger out of the tree line and I instinctively take Renesmee's hand.

She lets me hold her but still steps a few more paces towards the edge. Her hair is blowing behind her, like a flag, flicking against her shoulder with the occasional wisp against her throat. We both stand on the edge of our world, looking out to the horizon as the sun rises behind us. The clouds are dotted puffs of pink and grey. They stretch out as far as we can see, until they darken and blend with the deep glaucous shadows of the ocean.

"It kind of feels like, that when we jump, we'll land on top of them," she says, looking to the stratus layer seemingly at our eye line.

I make a soft assenting noise in the back of my throat. "My people have this legend. T'ist'ilal, the Thunderbird." My voice is ethereal, getting lost on the wind as it carries the tidal spray inland. "The legends say it's the beating of its wings that pulls the clouds together. I think T'ist'ilal made this blanket of clouds especially for us today." I say, pulling her in under my arm and against my chest. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I'm sure it makes me look like a backward native. But I think it's nice."

Ness looks at me over her shoulder, her hand smoothing over my forearm that's locked in across her waist. "You don't sound backwards Jake. How could you say that? Your oral histories are a vital part of who you are. I thinks it's more than _nice_. It's fantastic." The back of her head and shoulders leans heavily on my chest as she looks back out to the clouds. "The legend of the Thunderbird is the one that saves the starving tribe with a whale it drops from its giant talons? Right?"

"How do you know that?" I ask. My gut tightening excitedly at the thought of her taking any interest in the legends I have heard and known all my life.

Ness turns, her arms winding around my waist as she looks up at me. "Jake, what's important to you is important to me. Besides, it's interesting… and so cool." Her genuine, thousand watt smile is stretched across her lips, her eyes happy and glowing from within.

I lean down kissing her smile, our teeth clicking as we both can't stop grinning long enough to make out properly. God I'm in love with this girl. After a moment she pulls back, sincerity in her look as she presses her scantly clothed hips to mine and leans back to see me more clearly. "Tell me though, is that what you actually believe?" she asks quietly. There is no judgement in her voice, only inquiry.

I shrug, I've thought about this more than once and never really coming to a definitive answer. "I don't really know if I believe the legends. I mean, I _know_ clouds are formed from water vapour on convection current. I don't think T'ist'ilal shoots lighting from its eyeballs either. But there has to be some validity to the story. At some point in history the tribe must have been starving. And I'm sure at some point a whale has beached on the peninsula. In fact I know that would have happened, it happens every couple of years or so these days, and that's _after_ the numbers were depleted by over fishing. So," I continue, "it's reasonable to assume that one has beached right when the tribe was on their last legs. And maybe it wasn't just a normal run of the mill, quiet wash ashore beaching either? Maybe it was a big splash and it seemed to come out of nowhere, and T'ist'ilal got the credit."

Ness is still watching me as I talk.

"So, I guess I don't really believe them in the literal sense, but I defiantly believe in the morals of them all. I believe in the sense of community and belonging I have from sitting around listening to elders tell them. And I believe in the thunder bird this morning; that it created those clouds. Only something supernatural could bring me something that comes close to the beauty I already have in my arms," my hands giving a little squeeze to her waist for clarification. I'm such a love struck pussy.

But it works, Ness melts against me. Her lips reaching up and finding mine.

We stand on the cliff for who knows how long. Making out, lips fused, tongues exploring, hands claiming one another. The dawn has completely broken by the time we pull apart, breathless and hot enough for a cool swim.

"Do you have any idea how incredibly amazing you are?" she asks me, her head tilting to the side as her fingers trace over my lips. I bite down playfully, capturing her first finger lightly between my teeth, our eye contact searing and intense. I shake my head in answer to her rhetorical question.

Her finger pulls out, scraping her knuckle against my teeth. Her hands find the hem of her singlet, crossing her arms in front and pausing. "Fucking amazing. That's how amazing you are," she declares, lifting her shirt up and off, her glorious boobs spilling out from their flimsy confines.

"Not nearly as amazing as these," I say, my knees bucking as I kneel before her. My face is the perfect height to burry myself in her chest. My hands find a fun bag each and without a second thought I have a good hold. Bringing one of the hardened pebbles to my lips, then swapping to the other. Then back again. I wish I had two mouths.

"Jake," she laughs, her fingers combing through my hair, "I thought we were going to dive?" she whimpers, making no move to pull me away. She likes me sucking her tits.

"In a minute," I mumble through a full mouth. Gently biting and then altering to a long, deep suck. A corresponding long, deep moan coursing though her lips. It only encourages me to suck a little harder.

After more than just a minute, just as I'm swapping between Giselle and Patricia (that's what I've named them) her little hands get a hold of my face and pull me up to standing. I'm half way up when she stills me at her eye line. "You," she clips, "pants off. We're jumping off that cliff."

Who am I to argue with being told to take my pants off by a topless woman?

"Bossy," I fake complain, swiping my boxers down and scrunching them in my fist along with her top and now discarded undies. I can't get enough of looking at her like this, all at one with nature in all of her magnificent glory (Ness, not nature. The vista is still good but I don't want to fuck the clouds.) I'm so hard, I hope my dick doesn't snap off as we hit the water. My vision is hypnotized by her tits again. They're perfect.

Taking my freehand, she steps us up to the rocky edge, "We let go before we hit the water right?" she asks looking at our entwined fingers. Her eyes are glassy with excitement.

I nod, smiling and having no trouble all of a sudden just looking into her eyes. "I love you," I say.

She beams back at me, a responding wink as she says, "Let's jump off into the abyss shall we?"

"Let's," I reply. "On the count of three?" she nods, giving my hand a loving squeeze. "One, two…"

"Hey Jake?" Ness calls. I turn to see her lean in to me for a short reaffirming kiss. "Love you," she whispers, before moving back to our arm's length distance. "THREE!" she screams taking a long out wards dive.

I follow a split second later, our fingers still interlaced as we free fall.

"Thank you T'ist'ilal!" she shouts out as we hurtle through the wind. Our hands separating a split second before we break through the water.

'

* * *

**Well there you go folks, I mixed it up a little. A little bit of lemon for the main... and a little it of romance for desert.**

**Thanks to my Beta Aretee for the edit. Not that there were any notes on this chapter, I had her sucked in and she forgot to comment, only reading. I'm ok with that.**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews last week, I'm so glad you guys are as in love with this Ness and Jake as I am and they are with each other!**

**Cheers, Marina**


	31. Chapter 31 - Do the Math

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

"_**Hey Jake?" Ness calls. I turn to see her lean in to me for a short reaffirming kiss. "Love you," she whispers, before moving back to our arm's length distance. "THREE!" Screaming as she takes a long outwards dive. **_

_**I follow a split second later, our fingers still interlaced as we free fall.**_

"_**Thank you T'ist'ilal!" she shouts out as we hurtle through the wind. Our hands separating a split second before we break through the water.**_

* * *

Chapter 31 - Do the math

The base is absolutely kicking as I pull up into the long gravel drive of Casa Del Cullen. After a _very_ eventful morning on the Beach yesterday, Ness and me drove up to PA to get her new car stereo. It's a beautiful piece of high-fidelity too, CD player, USB and Bluetooth and not a cassette deck in sight. We got her some tweeters for the dash and a pair of 6 x 9's for the doors to round it all out.

But the thing that completely blew me away was that, when we were at the counter to pay, Ness bought two of everything, declaring that she couldn't stand me not having 'decent' music in my car any longer, especially since we're in my car more than hers. I fought her on it, making her take the $150 I'd already saved. She took it, but then she insisted on buying our lunch and paying for the gas instead, saying something about it being a one month anniversary gift and I should shut it and except it gracefully.

I'll think of a way to pay her back. But for now… I like the beats.

So, after an afternoon in the Cullen garage with her cousin Emmett helping to install, I am the proud owner of a '84 Rabbit with a sound system probably worth more that the car itself.

It's pouring down rain this morning, but nothing is gunna dampen my mood. I had the best weekend of my entire life. Entire.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen is without a doubt, the most spectacularly beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. And I got to lay my eyes, and my hands, and the rest of me all over her spectacularness three times. Count 'em—Three.

Even in skinny jeans— which she has on today— she had the hottest ass on this great green Earth.

We have the morning pickups pretty much sorted. If I'm early, I go inside to say hi. If it's pouring rain— like it is today— I honk and she makes a run for it.

I love it when she has to make a run for it. Her tits bounce like happy bouncing balls as she trots down the porch steps— like they are today.

"Morning baby" she says leaning over the centre console, planting a slow, hot kiss right on mine. We linger for just a minute— or two. Only a few, quick brushes of tongue. And a really small play with her nipple with my thumb. What? If I got to keep my hands to myself all day at school I want to get me a little something to hold me over.

"Fine day for it," I smile as we pull apart, looking out the windscreen to the sheets of water pummelling it.

"Well at least now we can get some decent tunes on the way to school." Turning up the volume as a new song comes on. "I love this song!"

"I know," I say back, my smile so big it's almost hurting my cheeks. I may or may not have been up most of the night making a play list of all our favourite songs combined.

'

School is pretty much perfect. Homeroom is with Ness. All my best classes are with Ness. My lunchtimes are with Ness. And now that she's on the drill team and we both have practice after school, home-time is gunna be with her too.

Lunch break is fine for me. Like a normal day, only… with Ness. I'm a little worried that it might be a little tense for her though. Lizzie was giving us the sink eye most of Friday night's game and a good portion of Saturday's dance. I think she was expecting to get voted Queen. She likes being the queen-bee. I've seen Lizzie be a royal bitch to other girls before for a lot less. So, after getting our food we have to decide: sit with the asshole, ogling, not so secretly hard for Ness, football team; or sit with the potentially bitchy cheer/drill girls.

Thankfully the decision is already made for us when I see how Quil and Jared have pushed two tables together. Seems Cameron finally got his rocks off at the dance with the hippy chick, Kim. Those two have been dancing around the maypole for weeks.

"Hey," Ness says to Kim, sitting herself down next to her as they share a look. They know they both got laid Saturday night. I give Jarred an easy high five over their heads. Us two boys got ourselves lucky this weekend.

Lunch is a laidback affair, the dynamics of the pack seem to have changed. Kim and Ness are talking shop, ideas on the drill team's song choice and dance routines, while the likes of the slut twins and Lizzie are forced to just sit and listen. They probably got themselves laid on the weekend, too, but I somehow doubt it was as life altering as me and Ness's time—s.

Emb, Quil, Jarred and I are talking about my new car stereo. Embry is thoroughly impressed. Quil is just jealous and shit. And Jarred is actually interested in the specs; he wants to do audio engineering at college next year. Paul is listening, but I don't think he's interested. He keeps looking at me, and at the other girls. Judging from the way he and the twins were dancing on Saturday night, I have a sneaking suspicion he banged _both_ of them after the dance. He has a thing for twins. And now it's awkward for him. Not my problem. I can't be pulled out of this cloud of happiness I'm in. I got Ness, and she is… heavenly.

It's against school policy and we'll probably get busted, but after we've eaten, I grab a hold of Renesmee and lift her on my lap. She giggles as I lift her, wiggling her ass on what is about to become a rock-hard dong. Oh man, she smells good. My hands find the edge of her jeans and her shirt, playing with the soft skin of her waist in between. She leans back against my chest, her arm crossing over her stomach and holding mine as I softly tickle the skin under her shirt. We sit like this for the rest of lunch, nestled against each other, happy to have our own interests and conversations but still needing the closeness of new love. I'm so in love with her.

At one point I see Seth, he's hanging out with his friends. I give him a finger wave and he replies with a nod of the head.

All is good in my world.

We're king and queen of the school.

'

* * *

'

The weeks go on like this; in fact, it's been twelve weeks since we realized we were each other's 'ultimate someone', ten weeks since we told the world as much and eight since we wrapped ourselves up in each other, and we haven't haven stopped being unreservedly wrapped up since. Life continues for me; college applications, parties, study, assignments, football, and exams; all wrapped up in Ness.

We share everything Ness and me, our hopes and our dreams, our fears and regrets, homework answers and morning coffees; from quick touches and kisses in the hallways, to longer caresses and banging whenever we can find a flat surface after school.

No matter what we're doing, we're doing it together.

Away games are my favorite… at least, the journey home is. Some weeks we get up to two hours traveling by bus to the away games. The coach makes girls and boys ride in different buses to the game, but on the way back home… it's completely co-ed.

We wrap ourselves up in our own bubble, just the two of us sharing a seat, sharing earphones, listening to music while she drapes her legs over mine. Ness is an expert at concealed touches, small brushes over my crouch, soft purring against my neck, her warm nutty exotic smell filling me up and warming me from the inside out until all I can think about is filling her up inside, and if she's okay with it, warming her outside too.

Most weeks I'm so horny, that by the time we get back to school, we make a b-line to my car and barely get out of the lot before I park us somewhere around the corner. For the record, the back seat of my car is small, very small for a guy of my size, but thankfully Ness is tiny and she fits on my lap really well.

I think we're a pretty good influence on each other though. We actually do a fair bit of study at her place after our respective practices. I've made a deal with dad that I can have dinner at her place the three times a week she has rehearsal so long as she has a meal with us on weekends. Dad really likes her cooking. So do I.

We've both finished and sent off our college essays this week. I've applied for all sorts of scholarships, some of which are just small, Native American, minority bonuses and some are really big, full ride Academic kind of scholarships. I'm hopeful I'll at least get a few but I know I'm headed for some pretty hefty student loans. Ness's talked me into applying to MIT and to Caltech too, but I'm realistic about my chances. I'll be more than happy to get into U Dub.

It's a really good choice for me. For starters, even if by some miracle I did get in, I can't afford the private universities; secondly, with my sisters both so far away and with them showing no intention of returning, I want to be close to dad, he's diabetes has been raging like a wild fire and I want to be able to come home every few weeks to help him; and thirdly, I like the University of Washington— it's a great school. The engineering Department is well regarded, and there are some great off campus accommodation areas. And well— not that is should be my deciding factor— but… Ness wants to go there too. The only acceptance letter I want is for U Dub. But I mailed the other off to keep her happy.

'

* * *

Since Ness and I started going out, I have inherited a few new Facebook friends. Firstly there was Nahuel, he is an ever present constant in her life. I don't mind the guy, he's actually a lot of fun. He came for a visit over thanksgiving weekend and we got to hang out a little. I got to see where Ness learned to have such an unreserved love of life; the guy was a whirl wind over the four days he visited. Ness told him about third beach and where we go to cliff dive and he made the three of us go… in November. I'll promise you there was absolutely no nakedness, but shrinkage nonetheless and I swear I'm never doing that in winter ever again. Unless, of course Ness wants to warm me up later, the same way she did after homecoming… and when her gay friend isn't around to cock block.

In celebration of white people taking our lands and then graciously giving us small pox and small pockets of un-farmable dirt, me and my other Res friends hosted a bonfire on the beach. Quil got a hold of some fireworks but the dickhead just threw them in the fire all at once. If we hadn't all have been running for our lives, it would have been beautiful and funny. Nahuel certainly thought it was, laughing like a mad man as he stood on the top of the giant driftwood tree we were all hiding behind, shouting out to the gods like an invincible superhero.

Like I said, he's a lot of fun. When he's not inadvertently cock-blocking me.

And he's also already over 21, and not at all averse to buying us beer. Which he bought us… in abundance. And some tequila. And some vodka. I can't drink tequila any more without wanting to puke.

But Ness can.

Sex on the beach with a drunk Nessie. Nipples like rock hard candies as she knelt on all fours, Ness bent over a hidden driftwood tree; both of us pretty waisted but still clearheaded enough to enjoy some extraordinary skin slapping. That is something I will always hold dear to my heart—and my wank bank. We built a house that night. Built a house you ask…? Getting hammered while getting screwed. Domestic bliss.

I think Ness had a secret plan to hook her bestie and Seth up that night too. The guy is pretty well groomed. I suppose he's pretty good looking—for a guy—Seth seemed to think so. It didn't take the kid long to get over his infatuation with me and transfer it to the flaming Chilean. But Nahuel said he wasn't having any of it. Jailbait and all.

I think Seth still got a lot of good tips from him though…. like, the tip of his tongue around his dick. I don't really know, I'm just making that up, Seth hasn't told me anything. But I'm gunna go by the stupid smirk they both came out of the forest with and say Sethy was giving some kind of 'thanks' that night.

Funny how Nahuel wasn't around to cock-block me when he was busy freeing up his own.

One of my other new Facebook friends is her ex, Luca. He friended me that first day Ness posted the photos of us smiling and kissing… that day she updated our status to 'in a relationship'. It's not like Luca and I communicate or anything though. What am I gunna say to him? _Hey, so, did Ness's pussy always taste like cherry pie? Or did that just happen after she had your baby?_

Yeah, no… we don't really communicate.

Her mother on the other hand—she friended me that first week too and I swear the woman has the worst/ best timing on Earth. She's always calling or messaging Ness just as I'm about to bust a nut. I'm starting to get a little paranoid that she, or maybe Ness's dad, got Carlisle to put up a nanny cam in their daughter's room or something. Maybe there's a secret dash cam in our cars too.

I'm pretty nervous about the upcoming Christmas break. Her olds are coming to the States for the holidays. It'll be good to finally get to meet them in person. I think her mom is pretty cool. She seems to like me. She's always making Ness put me on the phone when she calls.

I'm still not sure about her dad.

I have a feeling he merely tolerates me, I think he just wants to believe that his little girl is a born again virgin and I am just a really, _really _good friend. Like Nahuel. But Uel and her ended up doing the horizontal hustle for each other's first time, so I don't think that's the best example to go by. If I'm being honest, her dad scares me a little. The only other case I have to take from is Charlie. Back then, the Chief was just happy to have anyone that wasn't the Ed as a potential son-in-law. And with me already being basically like a son to him, I had an easy time with being the boyfriend. Charlie had his head buried in the sand about his precious Isabella's sexual exploits back then.

However, that's certainly something that I don't think Nessie's dad is guilty of. He knows just how _active_ his daughter is. Baby Angelus was proof of that. I've really only talked to the Doctor the one time. I met both her parents on skype a few months back, he was there for a brief hello. I got a double round of twenty questions before Mrs. Mason (she still goes by her maiden name—apparently they do things differently in Europe) interrupted me from the inquisition and started on finding out all the hot gossip of Forks and La Push.

So, I really am pretty nervous about tomorrow. Her parents are arriving late tonight and I'm going to go over there Sunday afternoon for a second Christmas dinner and to meet them. It's not just about meeting my girlfriend's parent in the flesh for the first time that has me tense. It's about who else will be at the Dinner too. Ness and _all_ of her family, immediate _and_ extended, including Bella and the Dickhead will be there; they're all converging at the big house for three days.

I think I'm gunna stay home a fair bit this weekend.

I'm gunna make sure Ness and I get a good few hours of quality alone time this afternoon and tonight before her folks get here. I'd say I'm going to have to vie for her attention while the parental are in town. That's okay. I know she misses them. I get to see her every other day, like today. I can take a back seat for a few days or so. I'm pretty sure Nessie'll still insist on us finding a few hours alone at some point over the weekend anyhow.

'

I've been saving up for Ness's Christmas present. I'm looking forward to her reaction to it. I'm sort of sure she'll like it, at least I really hope she does. I want to at least make sure I give the gift to her in private… There are some _other_ things I'll be happy to give her in private too, but that might have to wait while her parents are hovering.

I think I'm gunna have to get re-acquainted with the slippery conditioner and the shower again.

At least for the week she's away. Her parents are taking her to Canada for a week to ski after Christmas. In fact the _entire_ Cullen family is going up. Together, the Doctors apparently inherited a giant holiday house near Whistler from the old Reverend. They leave the day after Christmas and won't be back until the day before New Year's.

I don't want to think about how much I'm gunna miss her. May be I'll get a hold of her nice Ness smelling conditioner.

'

* * *

'

"What did you put for the last question?" she asks as we walk hand in hand to our lockers.

"Um… _y = 6x – 2." _AP calculus final is done. Thank Christ. I really want to ace this subject. I like being so effortlessly good at something_. _I think I'm pretty good at making my girl _happy_ too. What can I say, something's just come naturally.

"Minus 2?" she moans, her face pressing sloppily against the back of my arm. "Oh man, I'm never gunna pass AP Calc, I don't know what possessed me to take this subject." Her forehead presses into her palm, "I _hate_ math."

"Oh, don't over dramatize," I say, bringing her under my arm and holding her against my side. "Who's to say I got the right answer anyway?"

Her little feet stop mid stride, looking up at me from somewhere under my arm pit, a look of incredulity and frustration across her features. "Really?" her mouth is in a cute little pout, one hand petulantly sitting on her hip. "You're gunna bet against yourself? Because when it comes to you and derivatives Jake, there is no betting against you. You're like a genius for this stuff." Her head doing that weird head shake thing that girls do. She's beautiful, even when she's pouting… and over-stressing.

I know just what'll help her de-stress and get her on edge (and falling off it), both at the same time.

I spin her so her back is to my chest, holding her tight around the middle with both hands as we hobble walk forward a few steps, my legs striding outside hers, my nose buried in her luscious curls, my hard-on pressed against the ass of her jeans, "I'll just have to give you some private lessons then Miss Cullen then, won't I?"

She giggles and lets me press her face first into my locker, my lips grazing along the soft skin of the side of her throat. My hands running up the side of her shirt, one hand cupping a good handful of warm heavy weight.

"Have you gotta teach me lesson baby?" she purrs, one of hands reaching behind and rubbing hard against my cloistered bulge.

"Ah-huh. And how ya gunna pay me for all my lessons Ness? I expect to be paid in full if I share some of this genius I got swimming around inside of me."

She's so fucking hot. It's like some high school fantasy come to life. What I wouldn't give to be able to keep her here, pinned up against the cool metal as I slowly lowered these fucking amazing jean down over her ass. I have my whole body in contact with hers. I stopped trying to hide my hard-ons from her months ago, and it's pressing hard into her palm today.

"Mr Black! Miss Cullen! Do you think you can save that sort of behavior for outside school?" Comes a voice from behind us, causing us to jump apart. "You've got one more period left, then you can do whatever you like to each other for two whole weeks. Just keep it out of the halls for forty-five more minutes, guys. I don't want be handing out detentions as Christmas presents."

"Sorry Mr Banner," I say, my voice a little husky as I struggle to clear it.

Ness is silent, her cheeks morphing into a full-on blush as she tries to hide behind me. Why is she hiding? _I'm_ the one with the ten inch rod trying it's best to rip its way through the YKK.

The older man must see her discomfort and hopefully _not_ mine, because, without much more comment, he moves off, shaking his head, muttering something about '_kids' _and_ 'I don't paid enough for this crap_', and leaving us alone in the semi-crowded hallway, shoulder to shoulder, horny as hell and without a way to satisfy.

"Oh my god," she moans against me, her lips pressing into my back, between my shoulder blades as she holds my shoulders, pulling me back. "Now I'm gunna fail Biology too."

"No you won't'," I comfort, turning around and opening my locker with arms around the tiny woman. "Besides," my lips finding her in a soothing kiss, "it would have been pretty obvious to him that you're an expert in _biology _already_." _ I snigger, dodging—and failing— and being struck with a playful slap as I grab both our bags out. We just share lockers most days… it's easier.

"Jacob!" she scolds, trying her best to be shocked and outraged, but it doesn't work. I can see the smile cracking on her lips already. She can't be mad for me for such an obvious joke. "You're such a shit, you know that?"

"I might be Nessie," I say handing her her bag and lacing my fingers through hers. "But I'm also a genius remember? Your words…. And if I'm the calculus genius, then you're a _Biology_ virtuoso."

'

'

We sit through the last 30 minutes of _One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest_ in English Class. I turn around at my desk to Embry and Quil who sit behind us, my eye meeting Quil's as the credits are rolling. We're both looking between his desk and the window, and back to the desk again. I know form the idiotic smile across his lips he's thinking the same thing as me. Let's make life imitate art. One of us bigger Indians should get up at the bell and throw something out the window, dramatically escaping the confines of Forks High school.

None of us actually have the balls to do something like that, but it's funny thinking about it.

"Don't even think about it," comes a caustic hiss from beside me.

"What?" I ask, my voice coming up an octave in innocence.

"You are not the Chief, this is not an insane asylum, we're waking out the front doors like normal people," she chides, the laughter in her voice giving her amusement away.

"Okay Guys, if you can all be quiet, we might go a little early," sings Miss Gordon from her perch on her desk. At that authorization to leave early, we're all up and out of our chairs. She keeps talking as we all casually flee in mass exodus, "Remember, be safe over the holidays, careful driving in the snow. If anyone's interested, we'll be starting on _Hamlet_ next term, so feel free to read it if you want to get ahead." _Not freaking likely,_ I think to myself as we step into the hall.

"That would have been epic Jake, imagine Miss Gordon's face?" laughs Quil coming to walk next to us.

"What would have been Epic?" asks Jared as we meet up with him and Kim.

"Jake was just gunna get up and throw the desk out the window, like the big chief in the move."

"You're both a couple of _big _idiots,' Ness laughs, shaking her head as us we continue to walk hand-in-hand.

"Have you ever read _Hamlet_ Ness?" asks Kim. She knows Ness has done way more school stuff than any of us. The two of them have cemented their friendship over the past few months. Drill team and res rat boyfriends and all.

"I saw the movie, but I've not read it," she says. "But I might take it away with me. To give me something to do with my evenings in the snow. It's gunna suck being away from Jake."

"Yeah Jake, you should read some Shakespeare too," says Embry, a cheeky look in his eye… I'm waiting for his punch line, "or better yet, I have a DVD you can borrow; Midsummer night's _Cream_," he scoffs at his own joke and the other guys cackle in response.

"Or how about Much Ado about _Muffing_?" Ateera pipes in.

"I think I have Mac-_boobs_," Jarred says spinning around Kim and trying to play punch Emb in the dick just as the final bell goes.

We're officially on Winter break.

"Fuck off dickhead," laughs Embry as she jumps out of Cameron's hit, knocking Ness into me.

"Hey! Watch it," I say, my arm protectively winding around her waist.

"I don't know," Ness chimes in, unfazed by the jostling. "Jake's not much of a fan of Shakespeare," her arm slinks underneath mine and we're glued to each other side as we walk towards the car lot. "I think I might have to make him my own homemade kind of _Action_ move. You think I'd make a good Lara Croft babe?" she asks, all coy, looking up at me with her long, long lashes and her pink kissable lips. Oh well, fuck me dead, there goes any chance I had of _not_ sporting a boner for at least one time in these halls today. "I'll have to see if I can get you a copy of _Womb raider_ to keep you company while I'm in Whistler."

Quil shoots ahead of us and turns, walking backwards for a bit, "Do you have any idea how fucking lucky you are man? Sooooo fucking lucky."

_Yes, Quil, I'm more than aware how lucky I am_…and just how _lucky_ I'm going to be in hopefully the next ten or so minutes. I wish he'd stop trying to get a look at Ness's tits in that shirt she has on though.

But I can't blame the guy. They are pretty spectacular tits.

We are going straight to her bedroom when we get to her place now. I'm gunna show her how I'm not only good at maths, but how I pay attention in Biology too.

We reach the front steps of the school, scrambling to get our winter coats on, it's freakn' freezing this afternoon. I wonder if we'll be in for a white Christmas this year. That'd be kind of romantic, even if Renesmee's parents will be around. Ness and Kim have a little hug good bye while the four of us boys just try and give each other dick flicks and avoid any kind of show of real affection to each other. A few waves and calls of goodbye and me and Ness are pulling out the lot and headed up towards her place.

The house is deserted as we get inside, the doctor and his wife are in Seattle to pick up the other doctor and his wife. Ness's parents. They won't be home until closer to midnight. We have the house to ourselves all night. We swing by the kitchen, grabbing a quick snack before heading to Ness's bedroom.

Time for a biology lesson.

* * *

**So yeah, sorry. The Biology Lesson is in the Next Chapter. If you've been good then Santa just might deliver a tart Lemon on Christmas Eve.**

**So be good and Review!**


	32. Chapter 32 -Shakespearean Suprise

_**Last time on P &amp; C's...**_

_**...We reach the front steps of the school, scrambling to get our winter coats on, it's freakn' freezing this afternoon. I wonder if we'll be in for a white Christmas this year. That'd be kind of romantic, even if Renesmee's parents will be around. Ness and Kim have a little hug good bye while the four of us boys just try and give each other dick flicks and avoid any kind of show of ****real ****affection to each other. A few waves and calls goodbye and me and Ness are pulling out the lot and headed up towards her place.**_

_**The house is deserted as we get inside, the doctor and his wife are in Seattle to pick up the other doctor and ****his**** wife. Ness's parents. They won't be home until closer to midnight. We have the house to ourselves ****all**** night. We swing by the kitchen, grabbing a quick snack before heading to Ness's bedroom. **_

_**Time for a biology lesson...**_

* * *

** Thanks to Aretee for the Beta. Even from the other side of the world, she still gets me.**

**This is just a little extra chapter this week, consider it a holiday gift from me to you - my loyal readers. Thank you for sticking with this story of mine. I'll be back to my normal Friday posts this week.**

**Here's the little bit of fun I promised.**

* * *

Chapter 32 –Shakespearean Surprise.

"You really gunna make me a home movie?' I say, flopping down on to her unmade bed covers, my hands raised in waiting for her as she crawls on all fours up the bed.

"No! Of course not," she scoffs, shaking her head at my apparent gullibility. Eyes wide as she hovers over me, her hands either side of my head, her knees by my hips.

I tilt myself a little to the side, fetching my phone out of my back pocket. "Not even just a little one, to tide me over for the break?" I've flicked the video camera on before I've finished asking. I'm not too proud to beg... Or steal.

Now that she's planted the seed, in the time it's taken us to get home, I'm obsessed with getting a little photographic evidence of our _fun times_.

My hand pulls down the front of her blouse and I try and get my phone in there for a snap.

"Jacob!" she squeals, covering her hands over her chest and rolling on to her back. "You're not getting any home movies out of me, so quit trying. Or you'll end up with absolutely nothing but a normal movie out on the big couch— with Rose sitting between us."

Rose is the family cat. She's fiercely protective of Ness, took an instant dislike to me the moment I tried to pet her, and continues to scratch the shit out of my arm on a weekly basis. It's no idle threat.

"Aww, Come on Ness, I'm only playing. I've already got a good few thousand mental snap shots up in this head," I say, tapping my temple with two fingers. My hand then comes down and I roll on my side to face her, tracing the lines of her brow, down her cheek and lingering over her gently parted lips. "I'm sorry. You're the one who said it, you gave me the idea in the first place. And you know what I'm like when I get an idea in my head."

She smiles up at me, her head propped up on her hand as we lie sideways facing each other on her bed. "I'm gunna miss you," she whispers, obviously forgiving and forgetting my brazenness.

"I know, I don't know what I'm gunna do with my time. It's not like I'm gunna hang around Rachel for a whole week, I think the Christmas Sunday will be enough time for us both." I love my sister, I do. But she still treats me like the 13 year old I was when she and Bec left home almost four years ago. I'm not a kid any more.

"I'm gunna miss you tomorrow, and that's just for the one day. I don't even want to think about the rest of the week." She's quiet and subdued, the threat of tears are in her glassy eyes.

"Ness," I croon, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her forehead. "What the matter? It's only a week baby. We'll be okay."

She nods, tracing her nose and lips lightly over my face, small feathered kisses over my closed eyes, her warm breath ticking the underside of my ear. "You can take a photo, if you like." Her voice heartbreakingly small.

"No Ness." Now I feel as guilty as hell. "I'm sorry. I don't want you doing anything that makes you uncomfortable." Why do I do this? This might be the last real moments of any quality alone time that we have until next year. And my horny dick's uncontrolled urges have ruined it by trying to steal a digital perv.

"I'm not uncomfortable Jake, I just… I guess… I just have to be prepared for something like that. And it would have to be under my own conditions, not a quick shot that I'm not ready for and that I might look horrible and ugly in. A girls just got to have a little warning, that's all, _that's_ my issue with it."

I nod, cupping under her chin, raising her face as my lips press languidly to hers. "Ness you could _never_ look ugly in anything. You're perfect. You're beautiful. And I am so madly in love with you. Don't sweat it sweetheart, it's already forgotten." My hand curls over her back, holding around her lower ribs and pulling her chest closer to mine. "No more talking now baby. I need to refresh my _mental_ images." I whisper against her neck, feathering light kisses down her throat as my hands find the hem of her shirt and it's lifted up and over her head as she sits up on the bed.

We kiss softly for a few heartbeats, then, like a fuse has been lit, we both realize the finality of this last hour of our solitude. Our lips meet in a passionate embrace as we rise up onto knees pressing our thighs and hips and chests together. Moving and searching around one another's body, I find my t-shirt off and my pants undone. A second later, Renesmee is in nothing more than her bra and panties. They're the everyday kind but still so freakn' sexy on her. A white lace bra and white cotton nickers, with a tiny little satin bow on each hip.

Pressing her back down to the bed, my tongue licks the warm salty skin between her breasts before kissing, with soft wet pecks, a trail down over her stomach. My fingertips finding the little bows on her underpants and curling over the band, dragging the white cotton over her hips. She floats her pelvis up off the bed and I lower the panties further, exposing the pink wet petals of Nessie's cherry pie. I lean back a little, settling between her legs which are still partial trapped by her only half removed underwear and take a mental snap shot for later.

She's up on her elbows, looking down the length of her body at me. My eyes meet hers, and we share a moment of unadulterated love; no words, only that special look that we so often share. Her eyes scorching mine, soft yet so very strong, the need and desire bubbling at the surface of her love before I lower my mouth, darting my tongue out for a long, vertical swipe of her slippery softness. I feel the bed shift as she flops back on the pillow, a soft resonant moan coming from deep in her chest.

God I love doing this for her.

Settling in, my fingers find the outer limits of her flesh and spread her apart as my tongue flattens and broadly caresses her warmth. Two fingers play with the outer most edges, teasing and stretching, slowly build up the fire, banking it for a long hot inferno.

My lips find her clit, sucking and playing, each taste eliciting a noise or jerk from her senseless body. One hand reaches up, pulling on her bra, letting one breast fall out and giving my fingertips access to her hard nipple. Tweaking and twisting in time to each play of her hot little pearl, it isn't long before her hips are moving of their own accord.

I can sense the tension in her body building and I focus all my attention to that special magic button. My fingers press deeper inside her, gliding in to her pussy, pressing upwards against that walnut of turbo charged sex that mixes with her clit like Nitrous to oxide.

She lifts slightly off the sheets to unclip her bra, letting it fall off her shoulders. Her hands then find the back of my head, tangling in my hair, holding me fast to her clit as I play that thing like a banjo. Still firmly attached, I look up as her back is arches off the bed, beautiful twin pert mounds standing upright and proud, her head is thrown back as her legs clamp around my ears, holding me like a vice.

"Oh god Jacob, I love you," she screams, violent shudders coursing over her body. She so fucking beautiful, completely unaware of what she does to me as she just lets it all wash over her. But I know, I know just how fucking sexy she is, my dick is burning a hole in the top of her crumpled butterfly bedspread.

Letting her have a moment as she comes down form her wild wave of pleasure, I kiss the soft pale skin of her inner thigh, blowing a warm breath over her. Her hips curl up as I kiss the little dips just inside her hip bones and draw a trail with my nose up to the hollow of her bellybutton.

With her head still back, looking up to the void of the ceiling, "I love you so much," she says again, still a little out of breath, her hands pulling me up along her body by feel.

I slide myself up, and her hands slide down, pushing my jeans down further until I wiggle to kick them off completely. Her lips find mine and her hands cup over my jaw as she devours my mouth; tongues and lips claiming me as hers.

I _am_ hers.

And she is _mine_.

She loves kissing her own quim of my lips. That shit is so sexy. I don't think I can wait another second. I want to be inside her.

Mine.

My lips breeze along the shell of her ear, sucking tenderly on her lobe, my tongue playing with the small gold hoops she has in today. "I love you too," I rumble against the skin of her jaw. "Now turn over." My hands find her hips and I flip her. Pressing her between her shoulder blades, my palm flattening her chest into the cool, white, cotton sheets while still holding her hips higher. My arm curves around her, supporting her tummy with my forearm as I hold her up, her perfectly round ass presenting, her glistening honey pot dripping still. My dick gets a little covered in that Nessie goodness before I press home. Warm and wet and tight and pushing back at me.

"Oh god, Ness. You're so wet; it's so freakin' wet." I kneel up, my free hand griping her hips as I pull her back in to me. She matches my enthusiasm, rocking back until I'm balls deep. It's always so tight like this—doggy style. And Ness reckons it rubs her in all the right ways. Certainly seems like it. Even only minutes from her first high, she's back on the horse, climbing the mountain to the peak and I'm happy to be her Sherpa. We rock back and forwards, moving in time to one another, building the feeling and getting lost in our own urges.

There isn't a much better sight in life than a beautiful woman, round and soft, curves in all the right places, tangled ringlets of long, wild hair falling over a smooth as sexy back while big brown, golden flecked eyes scorch back at me over her shoulder.

I click that mental photo, cataloging it on the title page of my future wank bank.

She is perfection. Inside and out.

My balls are just about ready to explode... inside or out, doesn't bother me. My pace picks up, harder and faster, slamming up against that milky ass, and Renesmee catches the same train. We both hop aboard the speeding loco, pistons pumping like we're hurtling through the landscape of our own love making.

I can feel myself getting closer and closer to that peak. But I refuse to reach the summit without my partner. My arm that's been holding her up slides back a little, creeping over the soft skin and through the barely there triangle of hair she keeps excruciatingly tidy until I find her slit. My fingers roam over, feeling the way we're joined, feeling the slide of hard heat with hot softness. My finger finds her sensitive pearl, rolling it around and around, helping her climb as fast as me.

It works. Each thrust Ness pushes back against me, harder and with more force, my balls beating against my own hand as I play with all of her sensitive flesh. Both of our breathing is up, silent panting morphing into soft grunts and calls for more before we're both at the climax, her walls gripping me tight, and rolling over my dick, holding me taut as I strain to pull back one last time, thrusting in deep and hard and exploding three days' worth of load deep into her wet, warm pussy.

"Fuck me," I call out, shifting my hands to grip her ass tightly as I push a few more times just for good measure, causing a rippling of her walls around me and a little more milking. "Fuck Ness, Just… Fuck!"

"I know," she pants, her forearms resting on the covers as she looks at me from the side. "That was good Jake. Really fucking good."

"Augh," I grunt, pushing her hips down and sprawling across her back. She so tiny, I can manhandle her any way I want, and we both like it this way. We shift, rolling onto our sides, my still hard cock, still deep inside her. "I love you so much," my words coming out on a breath exhale, over the top of her head before I take in a deep lungful of her Nessie smell. Gotta get my fix before she goes away for the week. "How am I gunna last a how week without you? " I say, asking but knowing there is no right answer. I'm just gunna have to.

"I've never done phone sex," she replies matter-of-factly, wiggling her ass and sending another pleasant shiver over my dick, "maybe we can give it a try. I have to share a room with Ali, but I can tell her to get lost for an hour or two one night."

My dick twitches at the thought of hearing her sexy voice over the phone telling me all the things she's doing to herself. I lift my head up, making a growling sound against the side of her head. "You'd do that for me?" I ask, my arm that she's using as a pillow reaching up to cup a boob, a nipple getting caught between two fingers like chopsticks.

Her hand reaches up and over her head, combing through my hair as she turns, disengaging us as staring into my eyes. "There's not much in this world I wouldn't do for you Jacob Ephraim Black. Not much at all." She turns full then, scootching up against me, our legs tangling up and she traces the lines of my face. Over my eyebrows, down the bridge of my nose, highlighting my cheeks before gently pulling on my bottom lip, her lips rising up and taking over from her little fingers.

"Love you," she whispers against my lips.

I smile, feeling very much loved. "I know," I say back, our faces so close that she's blurry and hard to see. But I know her face by heart anyway. Every line and every freckle.

We stay like this for several minutes; breathing in each other's air, our noses and foreheads touching, light fingertips just grazing back and forwards over her soft skin. Her little hands playing with my throat, tracing the line of my collar bone to my shoulder, and back again, drawing circles in the dips between my Adams apple and my pecs.

"Take a shower with me?" she asks, breaking the hypnotic spell we're in, pushing up off the bed and towards the bathroom.

She's standing in front of the mirror tying up her long hair as I enter, leaning over and turning on the water.

"What time do you want me over Christmas Day?" The Cullen's have an excellent hot water system and the water is above tepid in no time. It's a really good size stall too, even for someone as large as me, we both fit in together easily.

"I guess it depends on how long you guys will be for lunch? Maybe four?" she suggests, stepping over the tiled block and entering the steamy booth. I step back out of the spray to let Ness get wet… as if she wasn't _wet_ enough ten minutes ago. She cups her hands together and splashes her face, her perfect tits bouncing a little with the movement. She's nothing more that absolutely spectacular with running water trickling over her body.

"Four's good. Did your Aunty Esme say what she wanted us to bring? Rach is going to insist on bringing something."

"I asked her, but you know what she's like, she always says not to worry."

"Figures," I scoff, stepping under the water and wrapping Ness up in my arms. "I'll talk to my sister and see what she wants to make and let you know tomorrow."

"Do you think she's gunna like me?" Ness asks, looking up at me with unsure eyes.

"Of course she will," I say back. I have no clue if my hard-ass sister will like her. But _I_ do... I like her a lot. I love her. And a deep seated part of me truly believes that this will be enough for Rachel, and eventually Rebecca, to love Nessie Cullen too.

"And she majored in Computer Science?" her hands roaming over her body as she soaps up.

Ness has been stressing for the past three weeks. Ever since Rach told us she gunna come home for Christmas and she wants to meet Renesmee. '_What the fuck kind of name is Renesmee?_' she asked over the phone last week, '_are her parents' pretentious douche-bags or something?_'–Rach is very protective of me— Ness has been drilling me with info on her. Hobbies and work, likes and dislikes. For some reason it's important to Ness that my older sisters like her.

"Why do you think I have the best web service on the whole Res?"

"And she's a qualified Barista?"

"She takes her coffee very seriously," I say, washing all the soap of Ness body. It's my pleasure.

I take the shampoo bottle off the wall shelf, flicking open the lid with my thumb and inhaling. Yep. That's the one. The Nessie smell. I found out that smell I was so obsessed with was her Moroccan Oil hair products. I'm taking this one to give Mrs. Palmer a helping hand. "Can I take this home with me? It smells like you."

"If you want to," she shrugs. She has no idea how good she smells to me.

I shut off the water, leaning out and handing Ness the only towel on the hook.

"And is it her side of the front bedroom that has all the purple stuff on it?" She steps out, undeterred from her ongoing fact finding mission, her question muffled by the towel as she dries her face.

"Na-ah, that's Becca's, Rach is more of the black, and then some more _black_ kind of girl. I doubt she'll change her name if she ever gets married," I say dryly. I've used that line to piss off my possibly, but probably not, lesbian sister more than once.

Ness bends over, drying her legs and giving me a very nice view of her kitty. I'm thoroughly distracted from whatever it is we were just talking about.

I put the bottle back on the shelf. I'm out of that shower stall so fast and grasping her by the hips, pressing my naked semi against her, trapping her in that bent over pike position. She so flexible, I bet I could easily fuck her like this, her hands on the floor as she kisses her own knees.

"Oh Jake! You're all wet still!" she screeches, standing upright and turning to thrust the damp towel at my chest.

"So are you babe," I husk, giving her a wink and her favorite smile. The panty dropping one. Only I hope it just keeps her from putting any on.

It doesn't.

Sniggering and shaking her head at me, she walks out of the bathroom and straight to her highboy, pulling out fresh underwear. "You wanna watch a movie, it's too early for dinner," she asks stepping into the see-through mesh panties I love. They're completely transparent at the back, covering her ass in a fine netting of polyester, only a line of opaque material up the center. It's like a thong, only better— if you ask me.

"A movie sounds good," I say, drying off my hair and catching my sex goddess checking out my abs. I love it when she looks at me. It evens out the playing field a little…I'm always getting caught perving on her.

"Okay, let's just watch it in here," she says, her voice fill of promise to what that might mean.

We're not leaving this bed if I can help it tonight.

She throws my t-shirt over her naked chest. I love seeing her in my clothes. I really hope I can find a very, _very_ short movie in Emmett's DVD collection in the TV room. I'm gunna want some more sexing before dinner at this rate. An amazing idea pops into my head. Porn. They're _very _short films_. _I bet Ness'd be up for some Art-house Adult films.

Ness heads for the TV room and my boxers go on and over my now blossoming hard-on as I follow. I'm comfortable here in Casa Del Cullen, but not _that_ comfortable, even if no one else is home.

I really do think she'd be up for some porno though.

No harm in asking.

"Hey Ness," I call along the hallway, "you know how you always say you're up for anything?" I ask. "How about some of that porn we were talking about this afternoon? I'd be more than happy to watch Shakespeare if the title was A Midsummer Night's _Cream_," I yell out, coming into the kitchen. Only to see Ness standing dead still in the middle of the room, her messy hair up in her signature bun, ringlets spilling along her neck, my long t-shirt just covering her sexy ass as she just stands there, bare foot, staring at the marble island bench.

"Mom, Dad... You're early."

* * *

Yeah. That's right...I'm leaving the chapter there. (insert smirk from author)

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.


	33. Chapter 33 - Meet the Parents

**Last time on P &amp; C's...**

**"_Mom, Dad... You're early."_**

* * *

_**Translations after the Chapter. **_

_**I hope you enjoy Jake's awkwardness.**_

* * *

**Chapter 33 - Meet the Parents**

Oh shit. Oh Fuck. Oh shit, oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh fuck balls.

Ness's mom and dad are sitting on stools with coffee mugs in front of them while Carlisle and Esme stand awkwardly on the other side, coffee mugs in hand.

There are a few seconds of silence as Ness and I stand there in not much more than underwear. Well me, _just_ in underwear. I'm still sporting that boner from watching her dress and my boxers are doing nothing to hide the fact that little J is just dying to come out and meet the parents. Stupid little fucker. I shift behind Ness, as a show of solidarity, but mostly to hide my semi.

It doesn't take long for Mrs. Mason to be up and out of her seat, scurrying over to her daughter and pulling her close.

"Oh Nessie!" she cries, covering her face with multiple kisses the way moms do. "Oh baby girl, I've missed you." She's dressed in a billowy peasant top and long flowing skirt. Her long brown hair is braided down her back, it's even longer than Ness's was before she had me cut it. He has multiple bangles clinking around her wrist as she holds Ness's face in her hands. Not the kind of getup you'd expect for a hot-shot international lawyer.

Ness's arms reach up, seeming to not care that she's in nothing but skimpy undies and my t-shirt, hugging her mother back. "Missed you too, mom," she sniffles, burying her face in the older woman's neck and holding her there for a few beats.

Mrs. Mason squeezes her tightly around the neck, rocking her from side to side with scrunched up eyes and a smile, letting out a little sigh of contentment. Then the woman's eyes open and finds me. She pulls back from her embrace of Ness, her eyes flicking between her daughter and me and then over my bare chest. Awkward much?

"It's nice to finally meet you in the _flesh_ Jacob," she smiles, in no way embarrassed by my lack of clothing yet apparently _revelling_ in my discomfort. "I didn't expect it to be quite so… _fleshy_, but hey, were all practically family right?" Now I know where Ness gets her sass from.

I clear my throat, willing that shitty little girl that some time hides in my larynx to get the fuck gone.

"Hi Mrs. Mason," I say holding out my hand to shake. It's weird, shaking my girlfriend's mothers hand while standing here in nothing but my boxers, after very loudly just asking her daughter if she wants to watch pornography names after Elizabethan ejaculate. But I don't know what the hell else to do. So I hold out my hand, the other one still trying to discreetly hide my fading semi.

This is _really _not the way I'd planned on meeting Ness's parents.

_Really_ not.

What an awesome first impression to make...

Fuck my life sometimes.

"Oh, call me Marie," she laughs, ignoring my offered hand, instead opting to hug me. She must be a hugger. "Oh. So tall," she comments over her shoulder to Ness, her braid twisting over her shoulder, her hand resting on my arm and not so subtly feeling my guns.

This is not happening.

"All right mom, he's nervous enough," Ness giggles, manoeuvring between us and wrapping a protective arm around me.

"Daddy, I want you to meet Jake," she diverts, leading me closer to the kitchen, "Jake, this is my Dad, Anthony."

She unwinds from me and leans in to hug her father, whispering something in his ear. I hope it's something like 'be nice.'

"Nice to meet you Dr Cullen." My hand is balled up by my sides before reaching out my right palm to shake. He pushes Ness gently off from around his throat, holding her out at arm's length, his eyes softening for his little girl, before looking over her shoulder to me and giving me a death stare that would turn Medusa to stone.

"May I suggest you both put a few more clothes on before we get all acquainted," he clips, his fine British accent the same as his bothers, the animosity in his tone is apparent. I am so dead meat.

So dead.

Ness glares as him, that fire that always bubbles beneath the surface rising. "Don't be rude, dad. You're the ones who are early. It's not Jake's fault you didn't call ahead and warn us to get dressed. It's pretty freakn' embarrassing. You don't have to make it worse."

"We didn't call because we wanted to surprise you Renesmee," Marie pipes in, playing referee. I'd guess she does this between the two of them quite a bit.

"We'll I know I'm certainly surprised," Ness replies, her words dripping with sarcasm, as she keeps her gaze trained on her father.

"Yes, you certainly seem to have been caught und-awares," he comments back. A twitch of a smile grazing his previously hard lips.

A radiant grin transforms Nessie's face, his words somehow snapping the tension in the room for her. But not for me, though. I'm still pretty fucking tense. Maybe that's because I'm still standing here in my underwear, holding out my proffered yet un-received hand.

"Oh daddy, you're such a troublemaker_. Ich wurde von ihrem mürrischen gesichtsausdruck für eine minute getäuscht_. " My raised hand drops loudly to my thigh, the noise bringing her eyes to meet mine, the look she gives me is willing me to relax. I give her an 'as if', look in return. I'm still in my underwear.

Laughing, Ness backs back and pushes her hands flat on my stomach. "We'll just be a minute," she calls over her shoulder prodding me back down the hall way.

"Du bist ein großes mädchen Ness, bei ihren entscheidungen und in der tatsache, dass sie von ihrem früheren fehlern gelernt habe ich vertraue auf," he calls out, a seriousness in his voice, not anger, just what I interpret as loving concern for his only child.

"I have dad," she pleads, rolling her eyes. Then she turns back to me, looking up, "let's just go get changed."

"Glaube nicht, dass ich völlig in ordnung, obwohl mit diesem Renesmee," the good doctor calls after us, stern but with an edge of levity in his eyes. I'm still scared he gunna grab me by my balls and toss me out of his brother's house.

Ness's mother taps her husband playfully on the chest, calling out to us as we retreat, "Aber ich verstehe, warum sie wollen, dass er sein hemd zu halten!" and she waves as me, a friendly head tilt and smile.

I wave confusedly at the sniggering parents and the completely shocked faces of her aunt and uncle.

'

"Oh my god," Ness mumbles under her breath, the pain of typical teenage mortification grumbling in her chest, "they're relentless."

I walk backwards, into her bedroom, quietly shutting her bedroom door.

I stand, staring at the gloss paint on the back on her door, trying to calm my breathing, promising myself that I'm not gunna hyperventilate. Then in a dazed stupor, I stagger over to the bed and I sit, still stupefied, on the edge of her bed. Finding enough focus to talk, my hands cup over my face, "What the fuck was that?!" I whisper yell.

"Meet my parents?" she asks, an apologetic tone in her voice.

"What were they saying?" I think it was a joke at my expense, or maybe at both of us.

"Nothing," she says, a little cagey in her reply, "they just said to be quick."

I don't really believe her. I know when she's lying, but I'll drop it for now. I'm too worried about the wrath of her dad. And about the state of my nads when he's done with chewing me out and possibly them off. Ew, that's a mental image I don't need.

"I can't believe that just happened," I mumble into my hands, pulling at my hair. "Your dad hates me already."

"No he doesn't!" she dismisses, pulling my shirt off her head. God, her breasts are perfect. But now is not the time to think about Nessie's titties.

But they are perfect.

"Yes he does. I'm defiling his only daughter."

"Jacob, come on," she's unwinding the straps of her bra and hooking it over her shoulder, "it's not nineteen-oh-one. You and I have sex. S.E.X." her head is bobbing from side to side, punctuating each letter. "It's a fact of life. He's just being protective."

She hands me my t-shirt, it's still warm form where it's been covering her skin. "Yeah but it's different having it shoved in your face Ness. I mean, how long have they been here…? Oh fuck! Do you think they _heard_ us?"

Oh my god. They heard me fucking their daughter.

It was really nice this thing we had going—Ness and me. But I'm pretty sure I'm now gunna be banned from this house. Banned from seeing Ness and I'm probably going to have to use some kind of IVF if I ever wanna have kids in the future; if judging by the look the doctor gave me is any indication.

"I think I'm gunna be sick," I say, throwing the t-shirt over my head and moving towards the bathroom.

"Don't catastrophize Jake." She catches my eye in the bathroom mirror. "It's not that bad. Sure, that's not quite how I had the evening planned. Or how I wanted you to meet them."

"Ya think?"

"But they're very transparent, Jake. They say what they're thinking and what you see is truly what you get. And they're okay with it. With us." I have my hands braced on the vanity, and she scoots under my arm, her still half-dressed body slinking up mine. "They just want me to be happy baby," her fingers grazing over my jaw as she tilts her head from side to side seeking out my eye contact "And I am happy," she says, finally capturing my eye and holding me bound to her. I am bound to her. "_You_ make me happy, Jacob." She lifts up on tippy toes, her lips meeting mine.

Just that touch of her cherry lips on mine melts away some of the tension and trepidation I have swirling inside me. I can do anything with Ness by my side.

We share a second, more lingering and fulfilling kiss, it helps me to defrost the frozen lump of stress in my chest, then we pull apart, my hand cupping the side of her neck and under her hair line.

"What did they really say to you?" I ask again, "I know it was too much talk to be just a 'make it snappy'."

"Nothing," her cheeks reddening, breaking the eye contact she tried so hard to hold only moments ago.

I place a finger under her chin, lifting her face up to see me, "tell me."

She sighs, evidently deciding that we won't have any secrets between us. "He just doesn't want me making any more mistakes. He knows I'm on the pill. Who do you think wrote out my last prescription?"

Ness moves into her wardrobe, hobbling back out with one leg already in a pair of Levi's.

It feels like she's avoiding answering me or at least answering me in full. "Does he want me out of your life?"

"What? NO!" she actually laughs at this. "It's nothing like that Jake. Honestly. He just didn't want to see me in a state of undress. It's fairly understandable really."

"Oh, okay." I sit back on the bed and pull on the jeans we so hurriedly discarded earlier. I guess that's okay. Even _my_ dad would be pissed if he found me and Ness in our undies in the kitchen. And he knows Ness already. And I'm a boy. Double standards? Yes. Sue me.

Ness moves into the bathroom, and starts brushing her mess of tangled sex hair, "Aaaaaand… mymomthinksyouhavenicemuscles."

Hold on. Back it up.

"What?" I say, jumping up off the bed and straight over to her.

Our eyes meet in the mirror again.

"She said that she understands why I like you having your shirt off." She's laughing and cringing and laughing a bit more as she gauges my expression.

This is not okay. I'm not a cougar hunter.

She must read this in my face because, still snickering and rolling her eyes in light hearted exasperation, she slaps the brush in to my gut and starts braiding a long plat over her shoulder saying, "calm down, it doesn't meant she's gunna start coming on to you Jacob. God! She's not a _cougar_." I beg to differ. "She was just trying to complement you… in German…through me." Then Ness reaches into the little basket of hair ties she keeps on the vanity, tying off her braid and handing a second one to me. "Also, you have sex hair, maybe you should brush it. Mom has a thing for hair," nodding to the brush I'm still cradling against my stomach.

"Oh man," I groan, using Ness's brush to comb it all back. I've been growing it again over the past four months and it's currently somewhere between chin and collar length. Long enough that it gets in my eyes but still too short to tie back properly. I've been experimenting with the half up-half down look. It has the potential to make me look a little like twelve year old girl, but I think my superb bone structure and pure blooded 'nativeness' lets me get away with it.

Ness makes her disarrayed bed, and we both sit, side by side putting our sneakers on. Then I sit up and she sits up straight too. And I sigh. I don't really want to go back out there.

"Do you want to go home? You can if you want," she says quietly. "Just say a quick good bye and you can keep on walking."

God that sounds tempting. But No, I can't, "No sweetie," I say gently, leaning into her shoulder and linking my fingers with hers. "United front."

"It's not a battlefield Jake. They're my mom and dad. They'll love you because _I_ love you. Especially if you give them to opportunity to get to know you."

She's right. I'm such a chicken. "Okay," I say standing and turning to pull her up. Her hands wind around my middle as mine settle on her hips. We stand face to face for a long moment, re-centering ourselves, synchronizing our energies back together, my entire being orbiting around her once again. "Introduce me to you mom and dad."

Her features soften, a smile lifting that light that shines within her. Reaching up, a hand pressing against my heart, the other griping my neck and pulling me down. "I love you," she whispers, soft lips mumbling against mine.

"I love you too, Nessie, so much."

My chest aches at just how much I love this girl.

So, sucking in a stealing breathing, she leads me out, into the ring. I have to put out this worry in my belly, Ness is right… it's not a battlefield. I gotta relax.

'

* * *

'

"Can we try this again," she calls to her parents as we head to the kitchen, Marie and Esme are behind the counter now, chopping vegetables in preparation for dinner and Carlisle and Anthony are over in the TV room, watching the news.

I'm not ready to venture over to the big boys just yet, so I hang around the kitchen, hiding like a kid in his mother's skirts. I know I'm acting like I have a vagina. I don't care. For the record, I don't actually have one…a vagina that is. Ness on the other hand, does, and it's a very nice one, it's also one that I was inside less than thirty minutes ago and everyone who is currently in this house knows it. So _excuse_ me if I don't wanna go shoot the breeze like a couple of old chums with her dad just yet.

"Oh, look who it is!" squeals Ness, a look of pseudo-surprise on her face. She's such a good little actress. Her mom knows this too. "Mother, how nice to see you," Ness cries, rushing over to her mother as she turns, a posh kind of Royal accent as she billows around, "When did you get in?" The cheeky and sass apparent.

Ness certainly isn't the type to beat around the bush. Honesty being her best policy. She too is pointing out the elephant in the room. "If I'd know you were coming, I'd have dressed more appropriately."

Her mom catches on quick to the game. "Well you know us darling, always up for a little bit of shock and awe."

"Yes, you gave Jake and I quite the surprise."

"I could tell," she smirks, her eyes flicking over to me where I'm hovering to the side of the fridge, trying to melt a little into the scenery. I really don't have a vagina. Ask Ness.

Sensing my tentativeness, Ness finds my hand, pulling me closer. "Is it okay if Jake stays for dinner, Aunty E?"

Not looking up from her carrot cutting—the woman is like a master chief the way she cuts those little orange matchsticks. "Of course guys," she says, "I'm just doing an easy stir-fry, that okay Jake?" I think Mrs. C is giving me an out. Like she knows how utterly mortified I am… _was_… about my almost nude parade.

But I can't run away from it, better to get the awkwardness out of the way before the whole family are here on Sunday for Christmas dinner. "That sounds good Esme. Thank you."

"Hey!" calls Marie, swatting Renesmee's hand away from the few slices of peppers she's stolen off the chopping board.

Ness just grabs a few more, taking a big bite of the red pepper and crunching loudly in her mom's ear before handing me a piece. I love seeing her so at home with her family. It's a side of Ness I know well, but don't get to see her behaving like in front of anyone but me. "Come on scaredy cat. Let's go see dad."

"I'm not a scaredy cat." I mumble, tying to be discreet.

Ness scoffs at me, pulling me along and I shuffle behind. I think the saying is 'just rip the band-aid off'.

'

"Daaaaddy," Ness croons, sliding up to her father and sitting right by his side.

"Reneeeeeesme," he copies back, a look of placating condescension across his face.

"We're trying to do this introduction thing again. So, dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend. And Jake, this is my very nice and not at all anally retentive father, Anthony.

My mouth is so freakn dry, I can't even swallow the few tiny drop of dehydrated spit paste on my tongue. I can't believe what a pussy I'm being. It's just… I know Ness really values her parents' opinions, and she loves and trusts them and I don't know what I'd do if they didn't like or approve of me and that caused Ness to re-evaluated her feelings for me. I don't think I'd take that too well. So I'm nervous as shit.

My hands are all clammy and fucking sticky, and I give them a long wipe down my pants, it only half works, before holding one out to offer. "Nice to meet you—again, Dr. Cullen."

For the second time in ten fucking minutes he doesn't take my hand. And I'm left hanging. He's just staring at me. Letting me sweat it out.

He's giving me the most intense look. Like he's reading me. Seeing right into me. The same way Ness does. My hand's still out, swinging in the breeze. I feel like a fucking idiot standing here like this, in deference, it doesn't come naturally. I want to tell him to fuck his hand shake, and fuck any respect I may have assumed I'd have for him; Tell him that I love his daughter and we're not doing anything wrong… then get the hell out of here…. And take Ness with me.

But I don't.

And I'd never make her choose.

Just as I'm about to withdraw my hand and leave, a look washes over his face, and everything softens, even a hint of a smile sneaks across his too-young-to-be-Nessie's-dad features.

"Call me Tony, son," standing and giving my hand a good, solid, shake. Well fuck me dead. I think I just passed some kind of test.

"It's nice to finally get to meet you in person. God knows, Ness never shuts up about you, I feel like I know you already."

"Daaaad," she whines from her spot on the couch, lifting up and pulling me by a belt loop onto the big C shaped couch. The same spot she saved me from my own misery and a half empty bottle of tequila five months ago.

"What, does the boy not know how crazy you are for him Ness?" It's practically different person talking than the one I met briefly in the kitchen earlier. One that matches her mother's personality better.

"Yes, he knows dad. Now would you kindly just go back to depressing talk about Algeria?" She waves her hand towards the television, the gesture also encompassing her uncle, who's sat quietly watching throughout this whole exchange.

We sit, talking about foreign politics for another twenty minutes until Esme comes in and lets us know dinner is ready. Actually the three of them talking and I just listen, I have no idea what the _le pouvoir_ are or who Abelaziz Bouteflika even is.

This meal is like no other I have ever shared with the Cullen Family. I've had Esme's chicken chow-mien before. It's as good as it usually is, but the new element tonight is the chatter. Normally Carlisle and Esme eat pretty quietly, not much conversation, defiantly no drink. But Ness's mom and dad are a little less conventional. I guess it's all the time they spent in Italy. The wine flows— not just for the over twenty-ones, but for me and Ness as well, the conversation is unrestrained and loud, and it reminds me of dinners around the little round table of my childhood home. The table my sisters and I would set and the meal my mother would have cooked, and the complements my father used to give her. That what this reminds me of.

'

Over the course of the three hours, Marie and Anthony have found out pretty much every detail of my life. Not in a prying way, just the kind of way that you want to know all about someone you know is the most important person in the life of the person who is most important to you does.

They know how I got the scar on my shin that time Embry dared me to do a standing jump up onto the stage in the community center and I missed and the nail that was sticking out dug right in.

They know all about how my sister met a Hawaiian surfer one day on First beach and within six weeks, they were married and now she's following Solomon around the world.

They know I'm a boxer's man. And yes, I do work out, thank you very much Mrs. Mason.

They know the exact manner in which I broke my hand.

They know about the cherry pits on my bedroom floor.

They know all about how Ness and me wasted weeks trying to be what we thought each other wanted the other one to be.

I hope they know that I love her too.

'

* * *

After dinner, we're sitting around on the large leather sofas, eating popcorn and watching the quintessential (not) Christmas classic, _Home Alone_— by the way… they're playing _Home Alone 2_ after the first one, I don't think I'll stay to watch it. Ness and I are cuddled up on the chase, off to the side, her legs are draped over mine and she's cuddled up to my side, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Sorry, you have to sit through this movie," she whispers, her breath soft against the side of my arm.

I stifle a little laugh under my breath, looking down at her, kissing her on the tip of her short ass head. "It's okay, I don't care what we're watching because I'm too busy looking at you. You're more beautiful than any Hollywood actress."

"You know that's an extremely corny line?"

"I am Native," I shrug, completely unable to hide my smirk at my attempt at even more corniness, "we do like our corn." I throw a handful of popcorn in my mouth, and give her a cheeky smirk with full cheeks.

She just gives me a playful scowl. She's pretty, even when she's frowning, this girl of mine. "And anyway, I hope you think I look better than a man with an iron imprint on his forehead."

"Much prettier Nessie, but you know I prefer the shorter ones," I say as the short bald one on the 65" LCD screen gets a paint can to the face and Tony and Carlisle are both on the floor in hysterics. I'm guessing this was a staple favorite of theirs when they were teenagers. Just on a much smaller screen.

The rest of us all just watch these two well respected, middle aged doctors cackling in some kind of _brother_ language we don't understand, as they crawl back towards their respective wives and back on to the couch and Carlisle takes the half empty bowl I have offered out to him.

My attention is back to the movie and the little guy is getting a blow torch to his already bald head. I guess it's a little bit funny… if you're eight.

"Are you sure you can't come over tomorrow?" Ness asks quietly, obviously even _less_ into the film than I am.

"You know I want to baby, but your parents want to spend some time with you. It's understandable. But anyway, my sister says she wants to have a family lunch tomorrow, and when she says something, she means it." I'm just a little scared of my sister. Rachel said she's getting in for Christmas Eve lunch and she's a very punctual person, and she's gunna want to go get a tree and probably go grocery shopping too, and even though I only cleaned it yesterday, she's still gunna have a fit at the state of the bathroom.

"I know, I know. Just wishful thinking."

"We'll all be around at four on Sunday," my face lowering to hers as I kiss her softly, discreetly from our corner.

"Are you gunna be alright with Bella and Edward being here?"

I shrug, shaking my head in indifference, "I will be, so long as Bella doesn't try something. Or the Ed isn't too much of a dickhead."

"I think the chances of him being normal are slim. But Em and Ali 'ill be here by then, they can deflect. And Chief Swan is coming, so they'll both be behaving for him. Oh and my mom is hating on them both right now, so she's in you corner too."

"You mom is?"

"She likes you, and she knows how they fucked you around," she shrugged.

"I don't want there to even be _corner's_ Ness."

The last time I'd spoken to Bella was the night of Homecoming, the night I told her to go get fucked. But I'm involved in Ness's life even more so now and I plan on being just as involved for a long time yet— not that we're thinking about getting married or anything, but the notion isn't repulsive to me.

I'm not gunna let Bella the Ed scare me away from sharing an important holiday with Ness and her family, and my own for that matter. I'm not going to give them that kind of power over us. We're all just gunna have to learn to get along, or at least pretend to get along for the sake of peace.

"Then for the duration of the holidays, this house is now Switzerland," she says a little louder than before, like a declaration to the room, her pretty smile lighting up her eyes.

I feel it right in the middle of my chest, sucking my breath right form my lungs, before it shifts, pulsing and radiating down to the centre of my stomach; like a ball of knots, twisting as my love for her hits me.

"I love you so, so much Nessie. Thank you for always looking out for me."

"Jake, when are you gunna learn? I'm not looking out for _you,_ I'm looking out for myself, because, you and I baby… we're one."

I don't care that her mom and dad are less than three feet away from us. I have to kiss her, it's like a compulsion. My hand winds around her neck, pulling her closer as my mouth finds hers, pressing wet and firm, her lips moulding around mine, tongues playing together, the feeling of us, our unity, washing though me. I love this woman more that my own life.

Without her, I cease to exist.

Forgetting the others in the room, we make out a little longer, only coming up for air when, finally, it's essential for us both to catch our breath.

Ness's eyes find something over my shoulder and I look to see what it is.

Her mother and father, wrapped up in each other from their position on the sofa. The movie now forgotten about. They're looking at us both as if we've both just made their day; dorky proud parental smiles on their faces. Marie even looks a little teary. Tony gives us both a soft smile, looking at me and winking in a warm, accepting sanction.

They love their daughter.

_I_ love their daughter.

And they know _that_ about me now too.

'

* * *

**TRANSLATIONS:**

When Ness realizes her dad isn't really shitty at them:** "I was fooled by your scowl for a minute."**

Ness's dad calling out as Jake and her retreat back to Nessie's room** : "You're a big girl Ness, I trust in your decisions and in the fact that you've learned from your previous mistakes."**

Ness replies that she has learned and is pushing Jake back down the hall, her dad calls out again:** "Don't think I'm really that okay with this though Renesmee."**

Her moms last little comment before an embarrassed Ness closes her bedroom door.** "Though ****I do understand why you'd want him to keep his shirt off!"**

_This is all Google Translate. Sorry to all the German speakers out there, I didn't meant to massacre your classic language._

* * *

**So that was a bit better for you all, I hope.**

** Nessie's parents are cool. They're laid-back, they learned a long time ago to give their daughter her own reins. Next Chapter we'll skip to the aftermath of Christmas dinner. The whole family will be in town.**

* * *

**Thanks Aretee for the Beta on this chapter. It's nice to know I can elicit a grape soda spitting episode on a computer screen every now and then.**

**Reviews = Love... Show me some.**


	34. Chapter 34 - Merry Freakin' Christmas

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

_**I love this woman more that my own life. **_

_**Without her, I cease to exist.**_

_**Forgetting the others in the room, we make out a little longer, only coming up for air when, finally, it's essential for us both to catch our breath. **_

_**Ness's eyes find something over my shoulder and I look to see what it is. **_

_**Her mother and father, wrapped up in each other from their position on the sofa. The movie now forgotten about. They're looking at us both as if we've both just made their day; dorky proud parental smiles on their faces. Marie even looks a little teary. Tony gives us both a soft smile, looking at me and winking in a warm, accepting sanction.**_

_**They love their daughter.**_

_**I love their daughter.**_

_**And they know that about me now too.**_

* * *

Chapter 34 – Merry Freakn' Christmas to me!

"Oh my god. Is this _Peaberry_ Jamaican Blue?" asks Rach from her seat on the floor at Dads feet. "Oh my god. A whole kilo? That's, like, over two pounds!"

Rachel is holding up little hessian bag, the stamped image of a Caribbean bay with a palm tree and a setting sun on it. She's cradling it like it's a baby, love struck and, I think, salivating.

Ness nods silently at my sister, her lips bitten between her fuckin' sexy lips, "Jake said you like coffee, and well, Peaberry _is_ the best stuff."

"Yeah but Jamaican Blue _Peaberry_? Fuck."

"Rachel," warns dad, looking up at the older Cullen's to see if they're offended by my sister's dirty mouth. He don't know Emmett.

She just ignores him, but tones it down a little none-the-less "Oh man. Far out. Thanks so much Ness. This is amazing. Oh man," she says cradling the bag up to her face and sniffing it. An orgasmic moan escaping her lips. Shit. I do _not_ want to think about what kind of sound my sister might make when she '_O's'_. I think my Christmas dinner is gunna make a reappearance at just the thought.

"Wait," she says, her eyes bright and almost manic. "Um, Mrs. Cullen," she calls to Esme who is bringing some extra fire wood in from the utility room. "Do you have a coffee grinder?"

"Sure, with a shift worker in the house, we have a _lot_ of coffee. Carlisle like his beans freshly ground."

"Awesome," she shrieks, jumping up, "who wants coffee then?" she calls out to the messy room. We've all just finished exchanging gifts and there is sparkly ribbon and Christmas wrapping paper all over the floor. Emmett and Edward are already playing the latest Call of Duty they got. I'm looking forward to shooting the Ed in the head when it's my turn. A few people put their hands up absently, still admiring the collection of gifts they've received. My dad's already hoeing into the basket of goodies Ness bought him. All diabetic friendly, nuts and alternative sugar chocolate and things like that. At the rate he's stuffing his face there'll be none left by tonight though.

"Dad, do you wanna try some Jamaica Blue Coffee?" Rachel asks him. Her voice softening and taking on a broken kind of tenor. She's noticed the changes in him over the last six months since she's last been home. "Dad?" He's not listening, he's absently rubbing a circle over his chest, scrunching up a face as the heart burn from his over indulging hits him hard.

"Billy?" Ness calls, putting down her newly received collection of a poems by Pablo Neruda her parents just gave her and she sits up, walking over to my dad in his chair. "Billy, how about we make this basket last at least until the New Year?" Taking the hamper off his lap and putting it on the floor beside him.

Charlie throws a new pair of socks at his head hitting him square-on the forehead as his gaze follows where Ness places the basket, just out of his reach. "Wake up old man, Rachel is making us some really good coffee, you want to try it Chief?" Charlie's been hoeing into the Rainer's instead.

"What?" he asks, turning to look at Charlie on the chair next to him and then back to Rachel by the hallway, "Oh. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Thanks, Rachie."

Ness comes back and plonks herself right on my lap. I've missed her these last two days. Okay, strictly speaking, is only been a day and half, but it's still the longest we've been apart in months and month and months, and it was hard… in more ways than one. That conditioner bottle isn't gunna last the week.

"You want your present now Jake? She asks, her arms winding around my neck and mine circle her tight waist as she presses her hot titties into my chest.

"Ness!" I say quietly pulling away, shock and modesty on my face as I pretend to look guiltily around the room. "The house is full of people!"

I get a slap on the shoulder and quick nipple cripple for my cheekiness. "No, you horny shit, your actual gift. You know, the type that gets wrapped up? The type that you say _thank you_ for?"

"I know. I know," my voice conciliating though the laughter, "I want to give you your presents so that you can really, _really_ thank me. That's all."

"Oh well, then," she answers sarcastically, "Well then we better take this outside." Ness pushes herself off of my lap and tiptoes through the mountains of paper to the giant eight foot Douglas that's in the corner and fetches a square packet from out behind the back. Then looking over to me, she nods her head towards the front entry and I jump up to follow.

"Make sure you put your jackets on you two," yells Nessie's mom from her spot on the sofa, her legs draped over her husband as they sit sipping eggnog.

"We will," she calls back to them without turning around but holding out her hand behind her for me to take.

Ness tows me into the entry way and we rummage through the coat rack to find our own jackets. Mine is on the top so I have it on even before Ness can get hers off the hook and hang the other ones back up. Even after I check my little parcel for her is still stuffed in the inside pocket.

"Here," I say, holding the collar of her anorak up and helping her into it.

"Thank you, that's very gentlemanly of you," her back to me as she stretches her arms into the sleeves.

"I'm not _all_ horn dog you know."

"I know. So long as the horn dog doesn't stray too far, I'm quite okay with this gallantry now and then."

"Trust me baby, my inner animal is never very far," my hands wrapping around her from behind and grabbing a boob each as she turns and starts to do up the zipper.

She giggles and lets me cop a longer feel, "no, apparently not."

Then she steps to open the door, my hands still cupping over her C's, just as it opens from the other side. Alice floats in, with Bella on her heels, the scent of pot wafting off them both. Some things haven't changed. Alice has still held up her daily habit and Bella is apparently indulging more now too, if she's smoking when her dad is around, that is. Don't get me wrong, I'm all up for a bowl or two, at the right time. But now isn't the right time. I wonder what Ness is like when she's high. I bet she's all philosophical and insightful and stuff. I bet she'd feel soft under my lips. She's certainly soft under my hands right now, and then, noticing how the other two girls are watching me cop a feel, I regretfully lower them. Don't want to look like a cave man.

"Did you give him his present yet?" Ali asks, her sing song voice, high and happy. She's obviously is in on whatever my Christmas surprise is.

"Not yet," says Ness, "We're just going outside for a bit first."

"You're gunna love it Jake," she squeals, her hands splayed out in true Alice style.

"I'm sure I'm gunna love anything Ness gives me," I say back, my arm draping over Nessie's short-ass shoulders.

Bella doesn't join the conversation and she isn't included in it in return. We seem to have come to a standoff of just ignoring one another. I guess it's better than open hostility and bickering at least. Over dinner I (when I say _I,_ I mean _we; Ness and me) _stayed as far as them as I could. It was a bit harder at the present-opening thing, seeing as both our dads we're sitting next to each other and I wanted to sit with my dad and I guess Bella wanted to sit with hers, too. But we managed. I haven't punched Edward in the throat or told Bella she's a bitch, so… all and all, we're doing okay.

I don't have anything to say to Bella now anyway. She knows nothing about my life currently, and I know nothing about hers. Our friendship has fizzled out. All the trust that's required for any kind of relationship— even platonic ones— to be strong, is gone. It's somewhere between the swing out front where she lied to me and the road between Pullman and New York where she lied to us all.

She and the Ed seem happy enough. All kissy-kissy on the sofa. Glittery diamond still on her finger. They've set a date. I'm pretty sure I'm gunna get invited, either via Renesmee or via my dad. I'm not sure if I'll stomach the trip though. Ness is divided on whether or not she should attend the occasion too. But I've decided I'll go if Ness does.

Bella is dressing differently now too. Gone are the converse and bowling shirts. She seems to be liking the tailored look now, she's got her hair all nice and she's even wearing makeup. There's still a fair bit of the old 'Bells' in there, like how she tripped over the rug as she was handing Charlie his gift. And she made Lasagne. It's still the best lasagne I've ever eaten. But for me, her betrayal overshadows it all. It's left a bitter taste in my mouth. I feel like I'd misread a fundamental part of her. Turns out, I didn't know my friend all that well after all. But Esme and Carlisle have accepted her into their little family none the less. Just like they have for me. Bella fits in well with the family. But so do I, and I refuse to avoid the Cullen's, Renesmee's _family_—who are important to her— just to escape Bella. We're gunna have to just accept that we're going to be forced into each other's company. To inhabit the same space for a revolution or two.

So, now we just have to learn how to orbit on a different axis to avoid any kind of collision.

"Oh your gunna _love_ what she gives you. And also the one she has wrapped up too," sniggers Ali, overtly winking at me and calling out as she moseys by us, "Nessie's got _lots_ of things to keep you _warm_!" her voice all fake porn star hussy on the word 'warm', leaving no doubt the double meaning behind it. It's still a refreshing change to see how liberal this whole family is with sex and all things sex related. Even if, in this instance, it's currently encouraged by a little Mary-Jane, it makes life easy and open and sanctioned.

I laugh at the little pixie's innuendo, so does she, and so does Ness. Bella is quiet, a raging blush covering her cheeks, a not so nice look towards Ness. In fact, she's looking at Ness as if she's smelling something bad, like she's not worthy of the love we share. Is she jealous or has she just been hanging around the Ed so much she's forgotten what a good physical relationship entails?

Both ways, I see this look, and it's unkind. Thankfully Ness is bending to pick up my gift again and misses it. But I saw it. And my arm snakes around Ness's as I give Bella a look over my shoulder in return. It's not that nice either. It's a look that I'm pretty sure she'll understand as, '_No the fuck you don't look at My Ness like that. You've got no claim on me, you've no right to be jealous. And yes, me and Ness are doing it like rabbits, thankyou very much. Very flexible, with huge tits and way more daring than you, rabbits. I love her and she loves me. And you never loved me, and you really fucked me over, so back the fuck off and get the fuck away from the love of my life.'_ That's what my look says.

It's just a look. One that only lasts a moment, but Bella sees it. And I'm ninety-nine percent sure she understands it too. That part of our friendship still exists at least. Huh. Isn't it funny how that ability we've away had, even as kids, to read each other's minds just from a look, it hasn't strengthen our friendship today… it's severed it; then completely doused any lukewarm ember we might have had for each other. At least on _my_ behalf it has.

I catch a hurt resentful look in her eye before she turns away. It's an automatic reflex to want to find out if she's okay, but I don't. I override it. I don't actually _want_ to move from Renesmee's side. So I don't. Not even a jerk. My gravity is the woman by my side. Bella is nothing more than an old dim, second rate memory now. So as my old friend turns away, I make a point to turn away faster.

I turn away first.

Then I give Ness an easy pat on the ass, not for Bella's benefit, but just because I want to, and Ness _does_ have a spectacular ass.

"Come on woman," I say, pulling her curls over her shoulder, "I want my surprise."

* * *

It's really bitter outside, the wind is howling, the rain coming down as sleet. I was so excited to see snow this morning when I woke up. I wanted the romance of a White Christmas for Ness. But as the sun rose, it brought the rain clouds with it and before breakfast was over, the snow was turned to slush. Fucking pacific North West.

"Oh shit, the wind's really picked up," shivers Renesmee and we move over to the swing. For a second I'm reminded of Bella as I look at the old seat, the way the Christmas lights light up the porch in the darkness, the sounds of a party in the background, but I'm only reminded for a millisecond. Me and Ness have already created enough new memories on this swing to wipe clean the old ones. Some really good, _stimulating_ memories— if you get my drift. No? You need me to spell it out for you? Well okay then… Before school _blowjob_ kind of memories… Carlisle and Esme had already left for work one morning just last week as I'd come to pick Nessie up for school, and Ness had me sit out on the swing as she got on her knees and blew the head off my dick in broad daylight… Really good memories.

"So do you want yours first? Or do I get to see this _warm_ present Ali was talking about?" my voice is husky as I pull her down on to me, thoroughly aroused from recalling the good memories. She turns and straddles my lap, the skirt of her dress riding up as she kneels on the cushions either side of my legs and facing me, my feet flat on the floor, hands firmly on her hips and ass, keeping us steady.

"Hmmm?" her hips rolling and moving on top of my chino trapped hard on. "What do _you_ want first? I think I have _some_ idea." She's paying coy, teasing me, and tempting me. We both know there's an exceptionally good chance someone is gunna come out here, there's too many people around the house today; and that my dick isn't getting out of these pants out here on the freezing cold porch. Maybe later in the privacy of her room, but not now out here in the cold.

"Unless it's been several hours since I last ate, you know that I always want you first. Eat _you_ instead," I say, giving her one of my levelling looks, pulling her hips down and getting a little friction building between us. I can practically hear her pulse speed up, "and well, I'm feeling rather full after all that food. But I think there's still a little room for your cherry pie for dessert."

"My cherry pie," she giggles, "you're such a wordsmith Jake."

"What? That's what I call it. You taste like cherries."

"I do not," she laughs, scoffing and burying her face in my chest.

"You do, all sweet and sticky, and making my mouth water."

"Stop Jake, god." Her words are fast and breathy as she nuzzles my throat, kissing along the line of muscle up my neck.

"I can't help it, Little J loves his pussy pie." My hand fans over her ass and presses a finger right against her from behind, right over were her hot wetness would be if she wasn't wearing these cock-blocking tights under that dress.

She presses back on my hand, "Little J? Really."

"He's a good friend."

"Yes, my favourite friend. But _Little_ J?"

"I think it's better than _mini-me."_

"Jacob," she whispers directly into my ear, her little tongue, playing and sucking, sending a surge of fresh blood straight to the little guy. "There is nothing _little _about your cock, trust me on this, _nothing_ little." This girl knows just how to boost a guy up, and make my dick hard enough that I'm surprised she's not being lifted up off of my lap by its elevation.

"So what should I call him?" I say, kissing under her jaw, one hand finding the rise of her breast over her big jacket. I know it's cold but my hand slinks down her chest, ruffling under her layers and finding the soft skin of her tummy before scraping up and pull in the lace of her bra away and getting a good hold of Giselle. Her nipple beading in my cool fingers and there's no other option but to gently pinch and play with the little Christmas bauble.

"Nnnnngh," she moans enjoying my wayward fingers. "How about Dirk, you know, as in Dirk Diggler."

"You've got to be my _Rollergirl_ then," we'd watched Boogie nights at my place the other week, well the first half, I'd attacked her before Dirk's 'acting' career really took off.

"Oh no," she corrects, still thinking seriously about a nick name for my dick. "Not Dirk. I know…" a smirk streaking across her porcelain cheeks, "from here on out, you masterful penis will be known as 'The Big Chief'," she says sitting back and looking out into the nothing, her hand reaching up as it spelling out the name in lights.

"Like homage to my birth right?"

"More like... The Boss." Wetting her lips and looking at me with scorching eyes. "The big kahuna that tells me what to do." She grabs a hold of my collar and pulls me in closer, "Top dog in charge and never to be resisted." Then her hands run down the front of my jacket and rub along the length of my cock, trapped behind the fly. As if I wasn't hard enough before. "A man in his prime, the leader of his warriors. The holder of the spirit stick and wielder of the staff of life."

Well holy shit.

"The Big Chief it is," I say, my voice cracking and tight. Kind of like my balls are right now. I want this minx in so many ways right now. But the best we're gunna get is a little pressure between our clothes. "You're so fucking hot Ness," my hand wrenching a handful of her luscious hair and pulling her close.

"You're not too bad yourself, Black."

We kiss. A full mouth, full tongue, can't breathe, I've died and gone to heaven kind of kiss. Both of my hands are now up under her dress, I think I may have accidently tore the lace of her bra to get to get to these ripe melons, the juicy centre of her hot wet hips is pressing into my ready to explode rocket. It's gunna be one long freakin' week without her.

"Jacob, your coffee's ready," calls my sisters voice from somewhere inside the house. We abruptly pull away, both puffing, both with swollen red lips and blazing cheeks. Both of us are aroused to the point of uncomfortable. I think we might just grab our coffee and head to her room.

"Okay Rach. Just leave it in the kitchen."

"Don't take too long," she says, opening the front door and poking her head out. She lets out a poorly stifled laugh as she sees how we're perched, which is basically dry humping on the front porch swing: Ness's dress is halfway up her body, both my hands still hidden underneath, her hair is in compete foreplay disarray and I'd say mine isn't much better.

"I thought you two were supposed to be exchanging gifts, not bodily fluids." She's not even trying to hide her laugher now. Fucking Rachel. "Would you give him his present already Ness. Your mom is just about jumping out of her seat in here."

Ness huffs, sitting up a little and fixing herself up. "Tell my mom to hold her horses. We're busy prioritizing the things we want to give each other." She's saying this to Rachel, but yelling loud enough that she's really just telling her mom from wherever she is listening in from inside.

"Hey, just saying," Rachel soothes, hand up in a retreating gesture, "don't shoot the messenger. But you guys have to try this coffee, it's so fucking good. This girl is a keeper, Jake." Pointing to Ness who's still sitting on my dick. "A keeper." And with that, she takes another sip of the liquid gold in her hand and shuts the door, leaving us alone in the frigid weather of our yuletide evening.

"Apparently I'm a keeper," Ness says quietly, unfolding herself off the swing and standing, smoothing her dress down and giving her titties a little shake to settle them in. It's a fine sight to see.

"I don't need Rachel to tell me that. You're stuck with me for as long as you'll have me babe," I say.

We haven't talked about our future that much. I think we're both on the same page. As in… we want to be on each other's page forever; write our own story together. But we haven't _talk-_talked about it. I _hope_ she feels the same as me. If not, the present I have stowed in my jacket should send her running.

I'm quietly confident she's in this for the long hall though, and I'm pretty sure she knows I am too. I mean… I _did _just say I want her to hang around forever. And Ness knows I did because her eyes soften and she bends down, her smooth warm hands pushing my hair off my face. She swallows hard, a sweet, tender smile on her lips. "And I want to be stuck with you for a very, very long time, Jacob. Like… forever."

"Love you," I say softly. Nothing else needing to be said on the matter.

"Forever," she whispers back, a soft affirming kiss to seal the unsaid promise. Then standing up, breaking us out of our romance bubble, she grins, "so, you gunna give me my Christmas present or not?" a little tap on my boot adding to the playfulness she's trying to create. It's too easy for us to forget the world around us and simply exist within each other's love.

"I thought I was going first?"

"Changed my mind." She sits down next to me, the swing swaying a little at the change of weight.

I unzip my jacket, digging around for the little package I've stashed in there.

"It's only small. It's just that the thing I've wrapped it up in is hard to fold."

She gives me a confused took. At least _I_ know what I'm trying to say. My hand finds the corner of the course matting in my jacket and I pull out her Christmas gift, handing it to her.

Ness just holds the package. Inspecting the weaving with her fingers, appreciating the workmanship and tracing the lines of chevrons and she unravels it.

I want to explain to her what it is. What it means. It seemed like a good idea weeks ago, but now I'm freaking out that I'm gunna freak her out. My hands have started sweating, my mouth is dry, and I think my heart wants to launch its self out of my pussy-ass chest.

Suck it up Jacob, just tell her. But then Ness speaks, and my nervousness is forgotten.

"Did you make this?" she asks in amazement.

I let out a loud hooting laugh, she thinks too highly of me, "Oh Gods no. Shit. I couldn't weave to save myself." I just look at her for a minute, her eyes watching me with love and admiration, a little bit of confusion at my manic behaviour, but mostly, she's looking at me with love. And it gives me the courage to explain my gift to her.

"It's a woven mat, like a tapestry only made with bear grass and cattail reeds, for the wall of your house. Maybe the wall of _our_ house one day." I'm shifting in my seat, squirming like a worm as I put the idea out there.

"All Quileute women have a plethora of woven mats and rugs. We don't use them much anymore but all the girls still get them. It's like a thing all the women have, they all get given them over the course of their childhood; special birthdays and stuff." She nods in understanding. "I suppose back when we used them to actually keep warm and line the floors of long houses and stuff, women needed a whole lot to start up a new home, but now, I think it's more symbolic. My sisters have a pile in their rooms. And my mother's are still in the hallway cupboard. This one's only small, and it's more decorative than practical, but, I wanted you to have one, Ness." My hands are still sweaty as I hold up the tie at the top that it's hung from.

"Back in the old days, a boy's mother would make a rug for him to give to a girl. As part of the _Ha-tol-ka_. And, well… my mom's dead. But I asked Aunty Sue to make this for you. You can hang it up if you want, or you can just keep it in your cupboard." I help her unravel it, taking the next layer inside as she holds up the hanging. It's only small; 15 by 15 inches, yellow, red and black, the symbolic depiction of the thunder bird with the whale in its talons the motif in the centre.

"It's T'ist'ilal," I murmur, still as a statue next to her as she intently inspects every inch of the tapestry. Her hands fanning over the colors in reverence.

"Sue made this for you?" I nod. "So that I can hang it in my room?" I nod again. "And so I can hang it in _our_ house one day?" I nod once more, unable to hide the caution in my eyes. I hope I haven't scared her off. Oh Fuck, I have.

She's gone all pale, her eyes wide and just staring nonstop at the stupid tapestry. You fuck-whit Jake. Just give the girl some perfume like a normal guy would have. Like you gave Bella last year. But no. You have to go with whole savage native, we're seventeen and I want to live with you in longhouse while you weave rugs and have babies and I hunt rabbit. You stupid dick wad. I hide the rest of her gift behind me. I'm gunna have to go into damage control.

"I'm sorry Ness. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"What? You didn't."

"You just seem so interested in all my tribe's stories, and traditions and language and shit." She's been drilling my dad on Quileute. It's a freakin' hard language but Ness is determined to try and learn it. She's a sucker for punishment. "You don't have to hang it up. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump the gun. I always do this. I get way ahead of myself." I feel sick. "This is Bella repeating itself all over again," I whisper to myself. Only, judging by the stricken look on Nessie's face she's heard it.

"Jake. Jake! Stop. Just shut up for a second." Her hands on my shoulders, shaking me gently.

I shut up.

"I'm not freaked out. Jesus. I'm _overwhelmed_. You gave me a _Ha-tol-ka"._

Distracted for a moment, "you know that word?" I ask.

"I thought it mean a bride price? Like a dowry."

"Kind of," I say switching into tutor instead of over-reacting fool, "it was like that generations ago. But these days it tends to mean a token gift… you know, like a declaration of love."

"Oh Jacob. God. Why do you do this? Why do you double guess yourself? Have faith in _yourself_ sweetheart, faith in _me_. I am not Bella. Never compare me to her. You hear me?" The conviction and emotion in her voice capturing me. "_Never_. Firstly: I would never do to you what she did. _Never_. Secondly: I love you and you love me. We love each other. There is no gun jumping. None."

She sighs, a pained expression flashing in her eyes, "She never loved you Jacob. And you _know_ you never really loved her. You know that. So why would you think what we have is anything like that?" She's right. Doesn't stop the insecurity from creeping in now and then though.

"And thirdly: you just gave me a T'ist'ilal tapestry. _T'ist'ilal_. I'm not an idiot, I understand its significance Jake. It's amazing. I just… you… god…" she stumbles, lost for words but the pained expression is gone, replaced instead by a silly love sick smile. "I love you."

They're the only words I need to hear.

"It's really okay?"

"Yes. It's more than okay you stupid oaf. It's amazing. Thankyou," she sniffles, throwing her arms around me and squeezing. Squeezing so tight. I can breathe so easy with her wrapped around me like this.

"Are you hiding the rest of my present?" she cautions into my ear, obviously having seen the bundle of fur I tried to stuff behind me.

"Maybe?" I hedge.

"Well, gi'me. Let me decide if you're gunna freak me out. I'm pretty sure it'll only make me fall even more in love with you Jacob. You're such a doofus," her voice a relaxed chuckle as she sneaks up onto my lap. "When are you gunna get it into your thick skull that I love you," she says, bopping me on the forehead, "and not just your Adonis body." Her lips blowing warm air into my ear. "I'd be happy to hang this up in _our_ home one day. I want to make a home with you Jacob Black. You can't scare me away that easily. We're stuck together, forever. Imprinted on each other for life, my sweet man."

Soft kisses up my jaw, as she sneakily reaches for the bundle behind me. "It this a rabbit skin?"

I nod.

"It's so soft." She leans back, bring the fur between us, her fingers fanning through the fawn coloured hair.

"It took me ages to tan it. It's freakin' hard to do with the hair still on."

"You made this?" she asks, impressed.

"Well depends on what you believe, but my dad would say the spirits made it, I just killed it and tanned its hide," winking and letting her know I've pulled myself off the edge of panic I'd placed myself on earlier.

"You killed it!? When did you kill it? When you do all this?"

"The summer after I turned thirteen."

She pales, her face ashen as she looks up at me. "Is this your first kill?"

I nod, chewing a hole in my lower lip. Ness starts shaking her head. "Oh Jake, I can't take this. It's too special. You have to keep this."

"I want you to have it."

"I can't Jake. This it too special. Isn't it like, sacred?"

"It's not scared, per say." I shrug, trying to down play the significance of the thing. "It's more like a trophy, like a class ring, people give their girlfriends their class ring all the time."

She look at me incredulously, "this is not the same as a class ring and you know it."

"Doesn't matter. It's my skin, and I want you to have it," I state, figuratively putting my foot down.

"I won't keep this. I…"

"How about you safe guard it for me," I cut her off, "One day, when you hang that weaving up on the walls of _our_ home you can bring the skin back to our home too. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like I'm being manipulated," she drones, cynically, "But okay… I'll '_safe guard'_ it for you." Bringing it up to her cheek, her eyes closing as she enjoys the feeling, "it is _really_ soft though," she purrs, "and it still smells all smoky."

I take the skin and unwind it from the little box still in the centre. Putting it in my jacket front pocket for the moment, I finger through the fur until I find the fatal hole on the side. "The arrow went right through the ribs," I show her.

"I was so proud that summer. My dad was still pretty healthy back then and he, Uncle Harry— Seth's dad, and Quil's grandad took me, Quill, and Embry into the forest for three weeks. We had to live like the old-time people. We went salmon fishing, but not in a normal fishing boat, we had to row out in the old traditional canoes the tribe keep for ceremonies. And we even had to build our own shelter and start a fire."

"Start it by hand?" she asks. I know she wants to do medicine, but sometimes I think she should be a historian or an anthropologist.

I nod, chuckling, "the bow and sticks method," I say, demonstrating with my hands. "but that way is so freakin' hard. It turns out old Quil had some handed down fire stones that you can strike to get a spark and they were only trying to get us to learn the harder technique. But Emb and me never got to use it because Quil snuck in a lighter and just started it when the old boy wasn't watching. Oh man, did his Grandad gave him a big smack on the ass because of it. And then he made Quil start another one from scratch, with just the sticks, all by himself, while the rest of us ate the salmon we'd caught." I laugh to myself at that memory, his hands were so fucked up after that. "They taught us how to track too, but I'm still pretty shit at it."

"You can't be that bad. You found me, didn't you?" Her fingers brushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"I hardly had to track you down Ness, you just kept showing up at the things I was already at: parties and the beach, school and _more_ parties." Remembering that short ill-fated kiss we shared at Paul Lahote's post hell-week party, I kiss her again. Only this one is lingering and without any guilty feelings attached, and I know for a fact that kissing Ness it is no mistake. My lips were meant to be pressed to hers. It did happen, it is happening and it will happen again; many, _many_ more times.

After a good few more minutes of lips on lips, tongues in mouths and a dick stuck in pants stretched tight, we pull apart. But I don't let her off my lap. There's still a bit of friction happening between my chinos and her tights. God I wish they were crotchless.

"We're really not very good at this gift giving thing," she laughs, rubbing her swollen lips together as she uncoils her arm from my neck and neatly folds up the rabbit skin that was temporally lost somewhere between us.

"I'm quite happy with just this," I say, giving her boobs a squeeze and pelvis thrust of my hard-on under her leg. I wonder if we can just make a run for it? I think we could make it to her room before anyone sees us.

"I'm sure you are. But it's my turn still and I want you to finish telling me how you caught the rabbit."

"All I can think about right now is the best way to get you alone and not in the freezing cold. But no… Ness wants to know how I killed a poor defenceless bunny rabbit." I tease. "Oh wait… Rabbit. We can do it my car." I gasp, my eyes probably lighting up like a nut before, scrunching up in disappointment. "Shit, the keys are in your room."

I'm never gunna get any relief at this rate.

* * *

**Thank you every one for all ther great reviews, I cant reply back to the Guests, so I'll say thanks here.**

**Aretee, by BETA, you are the girl on fire this week. wait, wrong fic. your still on fire though. thank you.**

**Readers; if you want a well written, sexy and steamy as hell story, the check out Experiments by Egratia, (My Beta, Aretee's kinky alter ego) It's a freakin' hot story.**

**This chapter might feel a little incomplete, I have Ness's half of this chapter coming soon.**

**Let me know what you think.**


	35. Chapter 35 - A New Calendar Year

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**_

"_**All I can think about right now is the best way to get you alone and not in the freezing cold. But no… Ness wants to know how I killed a poor defenceless bunny rabbit." I tease. "Oh wait… Rabbit. We can do it my car," I gasp, my eyes probably lighting up like a nut before, scrunching up in disappointment. "Shit, the keys are in your room."**_

_**I'm never gunna get any relief at this rate.**_

**Chapter 35 – A New Calendar every Year. **

**Nessie's POV**

I just ignore his out-loud inner monologue about wanting to go for a half-assed quickie in the car, a little poke in his ribs my only acknowledgement. He's such a guy sometimes. And I have something much better in mind.

"Yes, I do. I do want to know about your first kill. The story is meaningful Jake, just as much as the pelt is, and if you want me to _safe guard_ it," I mock, completely aware it was a bullshit line he fed me so I'd take the sacred thing, "I want to know just what it took to catch it."

He sighs knowing he's not gunna win. And kidding himself if he thinks he'd ever refuse me anything… even delayed and still possibly embargoed sex. I love this little bit of control I have over him, but I'd never abuse it. Ever.

"Fine," he grumbles, shifting me a little on his lap and settling into the story. "Like I said, I'm shit at tracking, but my dad's really good at it, and he found me a trail that this rabbit used every morning to and from its burrow. We got up early, before dawn, for like, four days straight. We spotted it twice, and I missed twice but on the third sighting, I got it, straight in the heart. It was so bad Ness. I cried like a sissy, but we said this special prayer giving thanks to the spirits, and then Uncle Harry helped me skin it and we ate really well that night. And then when we got back to La Push, Aunty Sue, helped me stretch it and cure it and smoke it. There, you happy? That's how it happened. Now let's get out of this cold, and out of these clothes." He utters through eagerly gritted teeth, his hands in search of the top zipper of my anorak. "I want to get just one more in before you leave tomorrow."

"Ja-a-ke" I giggle, "What's gotten into you? All of our parents are just in there," I chuckle, pointing the front room window, "as if we can just sneak into my room anyway?" My mother has the eyes of a hawk and my father the ears of a bat, they see and hear everything. And then they'll do their best to embarrass the shit of out me and now, of Jake too.

"But I wanted some special time Ness. You're gone for a whole week. I know I sound like such a wiener," he says, trying so hard to not moan and groan. "But it is a _whole week_. That's like, two life cycles of my spermatozoa." He's wrong… on both counts. It won't be a week, and I happen to know that the life cycle of the male spermatozoa is, in fact, seventy-eight days. Don't ask me how I know this, but I do.

I slowly shake my head at him. "I love you," I laugh, my hands cupping over his face. He's so funny, all horny and desperate; if only he knew mom and dad's surprise. "Just give me this bloody present so I can give you yours and then we'll see about some Yuletide fun."

Seeming to realise that's the best he can hope for now, he openly adjusts— what did I say to call it? 'The big chief'... He openly adjusts 'The Big Chief', pressing his knuckles right on the area around my clit while he's at it. I feel a little pulse of thrilling electricity shoot right through me at his touch, and a surge of dampness at my coochie. He's such a sexy tease.

"Alright," he says, like it's the hardest this he's had to do in weeks— to not simply take me here, on the porch that is. Then he starts digging into his front pocket, pulling out a little box. It's dark blue and unmistakably from a jewellery store. He bought me jewellery; my heart melting a little at the romance if it.

"But before you open it—" he warns. He seems nervous about it, like he's worried I won't like it. He's crazy… it's from Jake, anything he gets me will be special in my heart for an eternity. "I know you already have one. But this is different. For starters, it's from _me_."

What's that supposed to mean? Who else would give me a piece of jewellery?

"And it's for _you_. And it's not to replace or compete with this one, it's just there to sit side by side with it. Okay?

"O-kay?" I answer, absolutely confused as to what the heck he's getting at. I take the navy blue box from his hand and open it.

It's a necklace. It's beautiful… and very fitting coming from Jake. Cherries. My heart starts pounding in my chest, butterflies in my stomach as I inspect the little jewels. A little crystal pendant is floating from a golden chain on the velveteen board, two red ruby crystal cherries attached to gold stems. He looks down at me, bending to my height, a shoulder lifting to his ear as if he has to explain, as if he's still unsure if he should have given it to me. He gave me a _Ha-tol-ka_ for crying out loud, in terms of commitment, a necklace is small fry.

"The chain came free with the pendant. You can wear it separately or on the same one. Or you don't have to wear it if you don't want to."

What?

"Of course I want to wear it. It's beautiful Jacob," I say, stilling and looking at him, my eyes searching, trying to figure out where this hesitation and doubt is coming from. I thought he knew how crazy I am about him? I'm certifiably in love with this man.

"What?" I ask quietly, looking between his eyes, those deep dark almost black eyes, full of his love and the window to his soul. They immerse me in, every time.

I'm swimming in those dark eyes, searching and thinking. And it hits me.

I know who else gave me jewellery.

Oh god.

"Does it bother you that I wear something that Luca gave me?"

He breaks eye contact.

My stomach drops out of my chest. Oh god. He thinks I wear it because _he_ gave to me. He couldn't be more wrong. That's the last thing I want Jacob to think. I can't believe he's never said anything. I don't know how else I can prove to him that I have _zero_ feelings for Luca. Zero.

He still won't look back up at me, his face worried and I think, a little embarrassed. "You picked that up, hey?"

God, I love him. He's such a gentle soul. So unsure of how worthy he truly is.

"I don't wear it because it's from _him_. You know that right? It lets me carry a little bit of Angelus around with me. That's all."

Please believe me.

"I know," he admits. "I'd never ask you to take it off. I'm not an asshole, Ness. I just wanted you to have a piece of me to carry with you too," he explains, still not meeting my eye. "I know you guys are ancient history, I do. But you still do have some pretty big history with him. And I guess, to me… you can't think of Angelus without thinking of Luca. I know that makes me an insecure dick, but it's just how I feel."

He had to understand this. There is no room for doubt. I have no doubt, it kills me to think that he's not as sure of me as I am of myself.

"I don't love Luca, Jacob."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

His face softens, unconsciously leaning towards me. His unconscious mind knows where my heart is. He shouldn't let his worries plant that seed of doubt. He has no reason not to trust _me. _ But I guess one bitten twice shy, and Bella took a pretty big chunk out of this special, perfect man.

"Thank you for my cherries," I offer quietly. Sometimes Jake needs a gentle approach, like a scared animal in the Olympic forest.

"I really did buy it so you could wear something from me. It really wasn't meant to compete with the angel. Honestly. I don't know where this Luca stuff comes from."

"It's okay baby. I kind-of get it." This stuff bubbles up from time to time. I've had to fight my instincts not to growl at Bella every time she's been near Jake today. Their relationship ended much more recently and with much more fire than Luca and I ever did. And just like Luca and me, they'll be in each other's lives forever; either through their fathers' friendship or through me and my cuckolding cousin. "I have to say, I'm pretty happy you didn't get Bella a Christmas present."

"As if I would?"

I know this and I trust Jake implicitly but he was dumped, in an incredibly hurtful way, by Bella. He has anger and animosity towards her, that much is clear, but I don't know if, behind all the hostility, he'll ever stop loving her. They just share too much history; too much of his childhood is wrapped up in Bella Swan. "I know, but there's a part of me who still wonders." I can't hide the insecurity form my voice.

"Ness," he plead, "let's not do this. This is _our_ time. Let's not waste it being insecure." I nod, leaning into his chest, and he wraps his arm around me, holding me to me. "We're both so dumb sometimes," he mumbles in to my hair, the vibrations running over my scalp and down my spine. A tingly warmth at the way his voice affects me.

I love Jake's voice: when is gentle, sweet and loving; when it's deep and rough and full of lust; hell, I even love it when it sometimes squeaks, mostly when he's nervous or a little surprised. It reminds me that we're still only seventeen. And life and love is still meant to be easy and life shouldn't have handed us our baggage yet. But life is sometimes a bitch and she dished out ours early.

"I know, right?" I says, sitting up. Forgetting the Bella's and Luca's of the world and just letting my soul be filled with Jacob.

He speaks, taking the thought from my head, I love how we can be so in sync sometimes. "Let's forget about the people we don't love. This is our last few hours together for a whole week. I don't want to think about anyone but you."

I nod in agreement, trying to hide the excited smile on my face, he's gunna be so freakin' excited when I show him the pass. But not yet, I want him to open my gifts first. I do my best to file that eager smile away and divert his attention. I lift up the little jewellery shop box, handing him the chain. "Will you put it on for me?" I slide off his lap and turn, bunching my hair up off my neck.

It takes him a few goes—giant hands and all... mmm, god I love his hands… but eventually he gets the tiny clasp done up and I turn back to face Jake. My heart is racing from the sensual way his warm dry fingers felt on the back of my neck, the strength of his chest behind me, the way his soft breath blew gently on my neck as he breathed.

I've changed my mind. Stuff the surprise, I want to find a place out of the cold right now. I don't want to wait a second more to feel all of his skin against mine. Feel his kisses as that perfect, throbbing manhood fills me up.

Lowering the zipper of my jacket to reveal my throat and chest, I'm distracted for a moment, I want to strip it all off—shirt and bra too. Judging by from the way his eyes are staring at my cleavage, he's thinking along the same lines too. His hand comes up and finds the little fruit and positions it comfortably above my heart (and boobs). _Don't think I don't notice how your knuckles just brush against my skin, sexy man._ The chain he's given me is longer than the one with the angel on it and it sits just below it. Almost nestled between my breasts.

He's licking his lips, like he wants to dive on in and feast on my mammaries. My nipples tingling at just the thought.

"Ha," he laughs, a teasing glint in his eye, "Cherries and melons."

Seriously? Melons? His middle school humour distracting me enough to reel in my own lust for the moment. He's gunna be crazy horny when he sees one of the presents I made for him, so one of us needs to have some self-control out here.

"Seriously? You're going with the fruit analogy?"

"I like fruit salad" he says back, going in for a taste test.

I let him. Laughing with abandon as he nuzzles in for a spell. Why not? It feels good.

"Thank you baby. Really," I say to the top of his head as he presses between said 'melons'.

But I do have to be serious for a sec. Let him know I understand and love him all the more for his gift. But… "I don't want to take the Angel off yet Jake. I'm not ready yet."

My words have his attention. The levity stripped from the cold December evening as he straightens, his eyes boring into mine. Into my soul. My soul mate.

"But nothing's stopping me from wearing two necklaces. It's good. Like, it's symbolic or something. Like you said, he's still here, but you're here too—no matter who gave it to me. I'll keep it close to my heart, on my skin, with me every day."

He ducks down, kissing me gently, "thankyou," I say as our lips separate.

"Merry Christmas, Ness."

"Merry Christmas, Jake."

Then I lean back, picking up the present I'd left at his feet and waving it just out of his reach. "So… you want your crappy and much less romantic presents now?"

"I can grantee they're not crappy."

"You haven't seen it yet," I reply back dryly, handing him the noel and dove printed parcel. I wish I had some kind of traditional thing to give him. Stupid Anglo-Saxon heritage. "And remember, I bought you this _before _I knew what my parents were getting us."

"Us?" he asks back, his hands stalling on the edge of the sticky tape.

I wave him off before he can think about it too much, "just open it. I'll show you it in a sec."

He rips into the paper and catches the bottle as it falls out. He inspects it, his head tilted a little to the side as he considers it. It's a bottle of cologne. Simple, rectangular, a plain square of paper stuck in the front with the initials JB on the front. He takes off the lid and sprays a little on his hand. It's still smells nice. Even better on his skin.

I can see from the look in his eye that it reminds him of something… but he can't place it. It's the place of my nirvana, the very zenith of my world. The place in this little piece of the land that is Jacobs's heart and soul and therefore mine too. The cliffs of Third beach.

"I made it for you."

"What? How, how do you _make_ cologne?"

"I found this website. I know you don't have any so I created one just for you. Cedar and birch resin, some pine and a synthetic fragrance of ocean spray. It's meant to smell like the top of T'ist'ilal's cliffs," I say a little shyly, "like the forest and the ocean. Kind of like you."

"You made me my own smell?" he asks awed and overwhelmed. "The smell of La Push," he mutters in a reverent tone to himself. "That's fucking honouring, and spectacular, Ness," he whispers in a prayer like breath. It makes my chest hurt in a good way as he sprays a bit more.

I bury my nose in his neck and get a good whiff. "Yep, smells good," I mumble against his skin, "smells like I want to smell it all over your skin," I say, giving him my best sex kitten purr. The kind of purr that I know turns him on and makes us both want to hump like bunnies.

His hands creep up my sides, cupping over the side of my boobs. He buries his face in my hair and gets a whiff of what he calls 'his special Ness smell' too. He's addicted to my Moroccan oil hair treatment. I don't think I'll ever be allowed to change products. He'd be devastated if I did. I supress a chuckle at the thought.

"Let's wear nothing but _my_ skin and _your_ hair," he rumbles into my ear, before capturing my face and kissing me again and pulling me back up onto his lap.

"We will…" I sigh, breathing heavily as he nibbles on my ear, taking all the will power I have to put the breaks on. I want him to open all the presents first before he ravishes me, oh god I want to be _ravished_, "just not out here."

He moans a little sitting up and I push the envelope that I had wrapped next to the cologne into his hands. "Open this, you should like it. A lot."

He opens the large envelope and slides out a glossy spiral bound calendar. "A calendar?" he asks, I can see he doesn't mean to sound ungrateful, but… he thinks it's some kind of crappy puppy dog or Far-side calendar. Far from it.

"Open it," I smile, a quiet excited chuckle bubbling under my breath. I'm all hot just imagining his reaction to it.

He opens it. I wish I had a video tape to record all his expressions as he looks. They're priceless, each page getting a better and better face of excitement and unadulterated arousal.

"Oh shit," he whispers,

"Oh my fucking, amazing gods."

"Oh my god. I've died and gone to heaven," he breathes, barely audible to my ears under my pounding, nervous heart. He's reaction is encouraging.

"Raven and Kim helped me do it. Raven's dad has a good SLR that we used."

"Holy fucking shit." I think I've rendered him more or less speechless from my little folder of dates and photos.

I gave him a calendar alright. A personalized one….

…Starring Me.

On the January page is me, in nothing but a fluffy woollen scarf and hat, a white bikini and a pair of white shin length fluffy boots. My arms are stretched out straight, pulling on the scarf in a way that I hope is sexy. I stand with legs a little more than shoulder length apart, leaning forward slightly as I stare at him right through the camera lens.

He flicks over to the next page to see me, pretty much naked, but still partially covered by a white sheet, red rose petals covering my golden tanned skin covered in baby oil. That set up was so messy to do and then I nearly broke my neck trying to get into the shower with oily feet.

"Oh my fucking god." That seems to be the most he can articulate right now.

He turns to the March page where I'm in a sexy playboy bunny suit, tight corset that pushes my breasts up sky high. I'm sure he wants to bury his face in them right now. Kim got a hold of some ears and a fluffy tail for me to top it off too. Keep up the Easter theme.

April is spring break and I'm sunbathing on the beach—naked. In the photo I'm lying face down, the side of my boobs just visible on top of the towel as I teasingly half sit up, looking at the camera with sunglasses pulled down my nose. That day was so freakin' cold, we just couldn't get a warm day to do it, it's been really cold since Thanksgiving and I just had to bite the bullet and do it in the cold. It took some serious dedication to lie out there undressed in that December weather.

He flicks through some more, we're graduating in June and I have on a graduation cap and some sexy black lingerie under an open gown, thigh high stockings peeking out and all. I think I might surprise him on the real day with the same thing too. Only with the gown done up until we get home.

The July picture was taken in my room, it's me kneeling on my bed, wearing the sexiest little negligee I've could find. It's a hot sexy pink, and soooo low cut, it's see-through down the front, a little lace panty glimpsed through the lower edge. I've kept it for him to take off me another time.

I think August will be his favorite by far though. He calls me his tiny dancer. I've got on my pointe shoes, ribbon winding all the way up the calf, a thin pink leotard on and a traditional tutu… but all I think he can see right now are the rock-hard nipples jutting thorough. I never had that problem when I was dancing elitely. Before pregnancy hormones gave me something a man something could latch on to. Before I grew an ass and a set of bouncers. And they do bounce when I dance now. It's a nuisance. Don't mind the ass so much.

Jake is enthralled by the photo, his eyes scanning over the details. I'm up en pointe in the shot, on one leg, the other is in a high extension, supported above my head with nothing more than the strength of my muscles and years and years of gruelling and painful training. My arms are in a bit of a sloppy fourth but I don't think Jake will know the difference. He'll be too focused on just how far apart my legs are.

After seeing me dance the other week, in the Christmas concert the ballet school I teach at put on, Jake has developed a little obsession with my dancing abilities. Gwen — Miss Baker, talked me into doing a solo; so that, in her words-not mine, everyone could actually see some real, first-class dancing, instead of just a whole bunch of elementary school girls spinning and twirling out of time to the Nutcracker music.

So I put together a piece. It was contemporary, and hopefully beautiful and seductive. I didn't wear pointe shoes, I just had the balls of my feet taped up and danced barefoot. A flesh coloured leotard, and a Iong, flowing, tattered kind of skirt wrapped tight around my waist. Nothing but just me and my music.

I told Jake before the concert that I was dancing for him. I felt every single step, and gesture right to my core. All my feelings flowing out into my movements.

He never realised just how technical a dancer I once was, or how skilled I was. Before I left it all behind. But mostly, my beautiful, endearing, soul mate, Jacob Black, never realised how flexible I still am. And I mean _really flexible. _But also, how beautifully I can move. And how flexible. At least, these are all the things he told me after the performance.

Dancing on that stage made me miss ballet for a moment. But then I felt the blisters on my feet and happily had a second scoop of chocolate cookie dough ice cream with Jake after the concert and remembered why I'm not going back to that. And I like having boobs and little bit of padding on my hips. Jacob likes that too. He told me that in the back seat of my car after the ice cream.

The next day, Aunty Esme told me she saw him trying hard to not cry during my performance. He hates feeling like he's a pussy. His words not mine. If I know Jake, I'm guessing he just focused on me in a leotard and flowing skirt, letting himself be thoroughly distracted from his 'womanly sentiments' by his far more macho ogling of my body. And now he says that every time he think of me dancing he gets, at least a semi and a filled up, overflowing heart.

So I'm hoping that right now his heart is as full as mine. And judging by the way he's hardening underneath my leg, _waaaaay_ more than just a semi right now.

Even though he's getting hard from looking at my raunchy photos, I'm still not sure if he _likes_ it. That self-conscious part of flaring up after gaining so much padding and _not_ dancing so much anymore. "Do you like it?" I ask with some insecurity in my voice. I wonder sometimes if he thinks I'm too liberal with my body. Too _easy_.

He looks at me like I'm a crazy person for doubting his reaction. "Are you insane? Of course I like it! Oh my god! Ness. Do you have any idea how absolutely, nut busting, perfect this is? You are so fucking amazing. God you're beautiful," he gushes, still flicking through the rest of the pages.

Then he hits December. I'm sitting under a Christmas tree. The same tree that's just back inside the house. And all I've got on is a bow…a red one… it's barely wrapped around my chest… and a very, very, _very_ small thong. It was really just some ribbon Raven fashioned into a thong. Turns out all those traditional weaving lessons her mom made her take came in handy.

"Merry Christmas," I smile, still unsure if it's all been a bit too much. I _might_ have gone overboard. Just a little. But I wanted it to be worth all the effort.

And judging by the way he's looking at me, heated eyes and strong tempting hands that are barley contained as he tries to _not_ rip my clothes of here on the porch, it was worth it. And just right.

"Merry Christmas indeed," he rumbles, that sexy deep voice dripping with his desire and hot blooded need. His hands take a hold of my head as I stare up into his café noir eyes, "you cannot give me that and not let me fuck you, God, this the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life Ness. God. Can you hear my heart? Cause I think its gunna explode right out of his chest."

I start laughing a little at his theatrics. And here I thought _I_ went over the top. But he's not laughing, he's dead serious. He wants me and my pretty little coochie, so bad.

"So you like it?" I ask, my eyes directing to the ballet page he's flicked back to again.

He dead pans me. "Only a little," he clearly lies. "I'm only gunna look at it on days ending in Y." His hips lifting to me as he says this.

I laugh at his poorly controlled arousal.

"Please Ness, I know it's cold. But please. Can you feel this?" he ask as his hand guides mine to his dick. It's harder than hard. It's rock solid, he must be so god damn horny. It's a little fun to play with him when he's like this… at my mercy.

"Poor Jakey," I mock. He looks wounded and affronted by my teasing. I can't keep it up for long. I want him too badly myself. I'm just better at hiding it. So I soften, hoping my eyes show the promise of love in our very near future, holding out and urging him to take the proffered piece of paper. "Open my parents present first. Then we'll find somewhere. I promise."

He mustn't see the promise in my eyes, he's too strangled by the redirection of blood from his brain.

"Oh Ness. Respectfully, I don't care what they've given me," he moans, pressing his nose against my temple, whispering harshly, "I just want to fuck you."

I tut tut at him, "romantic much?" –Maybe I can tease a little more.

"That calendar does not entice _romance_ Ness and you know it. That is pure unadulterated erotica. Better than _any_ porn Quill's flogged from his mom's store."

I made erotica? And it's better than Quill Atera's collection…?

Oh shit.

It's just occurred to me that he's going to want to share this with his friends. He'd better know that _that,_ is _not_ going happen. "It goes without saying that it's for _your_ eyes only. You get that?" I say boring my gaze into his.

"As if I'd share this with any one," he scoffs.

Good.

"Well, just so long as you don't. Even if Jared is talking and boasting and whatever, you're not allowed to show _anyone_."

"Jared? I'm not gunna show _Jarred_," I can see him thinking, leaving unsaid the '_maybe Quill and probably Emb'_ bit.

"Or Embry or Quill." I say to his awkward face as I voice his unsaid words. His shocked yet guilty expression is my conformation. I know this man inside out. "Raven wanted to make one for Embry but she chickened out. Kim made one for Jared though."

"I guarantee this calendar is better than Cameron's," he smirks, I roll my eyes. Such a guy.

Then he holds his hand over his heart. "I solemnly swear that no one else will see this smut on gloss paper except for me… and of course 'The Big Chief'." His sexy wink and tongue click leaving no ambiguity to his meaning. "Now _please,_ can we go find somewhere?"

He really is the same as a child begging to be allowed to play with his new toy.

"Put The Big Chief away and open this first," I order, sliding off his lap where he'd positioned me as I force him to take the folded piece of paper.

He lets out a disgruntled moan, relenting and unfolding the bright white paper.

It's a receipt.

"It's really for both of us," I smile. "I had no idea until this morning."

"I don't understand."

"It's a five day pass for Blackcomb. It's a ski lift pass Jake. You're coming with us tomorrow!"

"As in… coming with you to Canada?"

I nod like a loony. "For the _whole_ trip. You have to share a room with Emmett, but I'm gunna kick him out every night and we're gunna have the whole week skiing and snowboarding and love making. And oh my god Jake! We don't have to be apart this week!"

We don't have to be apart this week… Or _ever,_ if I can help it.

"Is this good or what?" I squeal.

He nods, a smile starting across his face. But he still seems a little dumbfounded. "Your parents are inviting me on vacation with you."

This is no small thing. He gets the weight of this gesture. They've invited their daughter's boyfriend to stay under their roof, for almost a week. I see that look in his eye, his heart warming with gratitude at their offer. He's just realized he is very accepted. My parents adore him. Dad's just not very good at showing things like that.

"And you're allowed to stay over here tonight, too" I add. "We don't have to have a quickie out here. We have all night Jake. And all week." His eyes are bright and happy and that beautiful, white, perfectly perfect smile lighting up his face. He is so handsome. And I'm so in love with him. And he's in love with me. My parents know it. I know it. And so does he.

I'm so happy right now, happy for myself and happy for him… for us. "I love you so much," I state, throwing as much conviction as I can into my voice.

His eyes soften, "I love you too," his fingers winding through the hair on the nape of my neck and pulling me in. It sends a tremor down my back, memories of his eyes as he raked his gaze over my skin on each of those calendar pages flashes though my mind.

He kisses me. "This is… the best…" his tongue invading my mouth, seeking and finding the glossy edge of my teeth, a small moan escaping from the back of his throat as I suck in his breath, "Christmas ever…"

"Ever…" I whisper into his mouth, pulling him closer.

His hands spooning over my backside, pulling him closer to my heat. "I know we have all night and week," he says, repeating my earlier words as he kisses along my throat, back to the soft skin behind my ear, and around the underside of my jaw, "but… is _your_ car unlocked?"

I giggle, my eyes scrunching as he plants soft wet kiss's all over my face, my lids, my nose, my jaw.

"I don't think it is," I laugh, knowing he can't ever get enough of me. "And even if it was, we aren't doing that right now."

"Neeeeeessssss, you're killing me," I can hear the tormented frustration in his voice as time and time again I thwart his attempts to get a leg over. We're normally completely on the same page as each other and it's killing him right now. We are on the same page, I do want him just as bad, he just isn't thinking about the bigger picture.

"Shhh, patience Jake, I said _right now_… I didn't say _no_. Just be patient, because right now, we're going to go inside, say thank you to my mom and dad. Then were going to take your dad and sister home. I'm gunna help you pack a bag. Then, Mr. Black… then… on our way back to this house, I am going to say thank you to _you_ for this pretty necklace. And you are going to say thank you, _to me— _with your dick, for my pretty pictures," I make my breath all hot and husky. "Will that be worth waiting for?"

"Oh," he swallows hard, then nods. "I guess that'll be okay." His smile is a little cunning and mischievous… and it's sexy as hell.

"Well come on then, let's show our thankfulness," I say, pulling him up off the swing.

We go back inside, back into the warmth of the house, and the smell of some really good coffee.

I'm in love with Jacob Black and Jacob Black loves me.

Best Christmas Eva.


	36. Chapter 36 - Fire and Ice

_**"Put The Big Chief away and open this first," I order, sliding off his lap where he'd positioned me as I force him to take the folded piece of paper.**_

_**He lets out a disgruntled moan, relenting and unfolding the bright white paper. **_

_**It's a receipt.**_

_**"It's really for both of us," I smile. "I had no idea until this morning."**_

_**"I don't understand."**_

_** "It's a five day pass for Blackcomb. It's a ski lift pass Jake. You're coming with us tomorrow!"**_

_**"As in… coming with you to Canada?" **_

_**I nod like a loony. "For the whole trip. You have to share a room with Emmett, but I'm gunna kick him out every night and we're gunna have the whole week skiing and snowboarding and love making. And oh my god Jake! We don't have to be apart this week!"**_

_**We don't have to be apart this week… Or ever, if I can help it.**_

_** "Is this good or what?" I squeal.**_

**_He nods, a smile starting across his face. But he still seems a little dumbfounded. "Your parents are inviting me on vacation with you." _**

**_ This is no small thing. He gets the weight of this gesture. They've invited their daughter's boyfriend to stay under their roof, for almost a week. I see that look in his eye, his heart warming with gratitude at their offer. He's just realized he is very accepted. My parents adore him..._**

**_...Best Christmas Eva._**

* * *

**C****hapter 36- Fire and Ice**

J PoV

I'd never given much thought to how I would die, right now I don't think I ever will, but if I did, I would never have imagined it like this… hurtling down the double black diamond run of Blackcomb Glacier. It's so steep, and there are so many trees. Ness is squealing like a maniac as she slides, which seems effortlessly, between the spruce and I'm managing to keep up. Pushing my speed faster and faster. And then the speed suddenly turns into out of control as I over steer and careen off the edge. My heart bottoms out my gut, and I close my eyes, waiting for the hard ground to come up and hit me, most likely snapping me into a bloodied unrecognisable half. But it doesn't come. I feel this amazing buzz of the short lived freefall and open my eyes just in time to see the white powder explode around me.

I land in a drift, on my ass, buried waist deep in the snow. Fuck! What a high. I almost fucking died. But I didn't. And I feel so alive from the thrill of it all.

"Jake!" I hear Ness call from much further below on the main slope. "Jake!" a panic in her tone.

After a moment to take stock; arms, legs, head, chest, back, and balls. "I'm okay," I yell out. I am invincible. I let out a grunt as I try and get out of the snow pile, trapped in by the skis still attached to my boots.

A spray of ice spreads out just above me, just over the small cliff I just launched off. And a beanie clad head pops over the edge. "Fuck I wish I had my Go-Pro right now," laughs Emmett, getting down on his front and reaching a hand to me, "that could have won us some serious money on funniest home videos."

I reach down through the snow and unclip my ski and wiggle out of the bank. Turning to aim directly for my roommates head, I throw one of my skies like a javelin. "Catch," I yell, laughing as he ducks.

"And you call yourself a Quarter back," he scoffs, "Do you want a hand or not, asshole?" one eye arching in a jeer.

"Not if you're gunna laugh at me, ass-turd. It's a fucking hard sport, not all of us have been doing it since we were babies. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, all and all."

"Alright pussy, keep your skirt on," he laughs, reaching his hand further down. I grasp him by the forearm and half climb, half get pulled up. I see Ness climbing up the main slope as I crawl the rest of my way up the embankment on my belly.

"Oh Jake. Are you okay? You friggin' scared me there for a second."

"He's fine Ness. He's just so desperate to get some alone time, it's driving him to extreme's." sniggers Emmett.

We both glare at him. It seems that Emmett has decided that he's going to be our personal chaperone this vacation.

We've been here in Whistler for two days now, and the last time Ness and I had sex was on the way back home from my house Christmas day. We couldn't even get a little early nookie in that first morning before we left. I wasn't even awake and he was in her bedroom, snuggling his massive 6'5" frame between us. I would have kept her up all night fucking if I knew the crap he was gunna pull all week; cock-blocking me at every turn…and he hasn't stopped since. Emmett and I are sharing a room and that first night here in Whistler, Ness came in to kick him out and he just plain refused. He's a 49er he said, he's not sleeping on no couch.

The next night Ness asked Alice to swap with me but she said no. Apparently Emmett had gotten to her first, blackmailing her like big brothers are so good at doing. You see, she's been seeing one of Emmett's friend's from Texas State. He's a strategist for the Bulldogs, but he's like, twenty-nine, divorced, and not at all the kind of guy Carlisle and Esme want their nineteen year old daughter getting to know _intimately_. And boy oh boy, does Emmett know this. So he's using this little bit of inside knowledge to his advantage; he's threatened to tell Esme and Carlisle if Ali swapped beds with me. So she won't. Fuckers.

We can't find anywhere to go around the house because her parents are always around.

And now, during the day on the snow fields, Emmett still won't fuck off. He's been following us around, putting us in such a clam jam that we're not even able to have an uncomfortable, cold and wet quickie in the snow.

And it's all apparently, for no other reason, than his own amusement. And it's wearing thin.

"You don't have to follow us around all day Emmett," bites Ness. "It's not funny anymore."

"I beg to differ," he chuckles.

Ness, gives him a death stare and he just winks infuriatingly back at her. "I've had enough skiing for the day," she says to me. "Let's go see what Ali's doing." Locking her ski back in so we can get back to the bottom of the mountain.

Ness wanted me to give the planks a good go before we moved to boarding, and it's been fun, but I think I'm gunna prefer snowboarding, I mean, if Alice can do it, I should be okay right? Alice spends pretty much all of her time in the adventure park, for such a little pixie, she's pretty good on the half pipe. I want to give the trick course a go.

"Last one down loses their pussy pass!" yells Emmett, as he uses my shoulder to push himself off and glides past. "Oh wait, Black already has!" his laughter echoing over the quiet mountain as he boards out of view. He's not even being ambiguous about it anymore.

Fucker.

#

The Cullen family own their own snow boards. In fact they're all so good and snowboard so much that they have custom built boards. Even Edward, the lanky fucker, can get more air riding switch on a half-pipe than I could hope to get on my best day. But I've been determined to keep on trying. The speeds you can get from the peak of the pipes is incredible. The risk making it all the more exciting. I feel electrified.

I don't have my own board. I was using Dr. Cullen's hand-me-downs—it still feels weird calling him Tony. It's a term of respect and I doubt he'd be offering me that respect if he knew how consumed I am on thinking of ways to get his daughter in a compromising position. So I keep on calling him Dr. Cullen and he keeps on correcting me. Maybe I should just go with 'dad'… Nah, better not.

So I have had a hand-me-down board, but it's still pretty good apparently and I have had the best and most attentive teacher I could ever ask for, Ness. With my supreme tuition and equipment and a day and a half of practice on the slopes, I decided to try my hand at some of the larger jumps at the Terrain Park.

It was fucking amazing. Like a part of me has been awakened from the cold ancient glacier. The view from up the top is second to none. Crystal white, the sun reflecting a prism of rainbow off the little ice crystals like diamonds, it's like a symphony for my eyes.

Ness and I, plus the rest of her cousins— minus Bella—were flowing through the features. Before today, I had no idea how good a boarder Ness is. I mean, I knew she could skate, but I'd never seen her do anything more than flat riding to school. I'd love to see her in a skate park, if her aptitude here in a snow park is anything to go by. She is like Skadi, the Norse goddess of winter and of the hunt— invincible. She's a force to be reckoned with up here in the snow fields. All of the Cullen's are for that matter. But Ness… she takes those rails and tables with such speed and with such freakn' amazing balance, I couldn't help but follow her when she turned off the beginners trail and took an XL jump at full speed. She is freakn' amazing. This sport is freakn' amazing. My attempts at that same jump…not so amazing. I landed on my ass, so fucking hard. It took the wind right out of me and it took me even longer before I could even stand up. But whoooh, what a rush anyway. My ass _is_ pretty sore though.

Emmett offered to kiss it better, fucker. Ness just banned me from any more L or XL jumps. I _wish _she'd offered to kiss it better, then I could have fucked-'er.

I still haven't had _any_ poon the whole time we've been here. Ness's shampoo is getting a workout even though she's in the same house as me. This holiday would suck if it wasn't for the thrill of the skiing and the boarding—I'm having to room with Emmett, my dick has been lonesomely throbbing for three days; _**and**_ now…my ass is sore too.

Not like that… jeeze. I mean it's _bruised_. God. Dirty mind much?

I've been pushing the speed and height on those jumps so much today. If I think about it, I really have been on my ass for a good portion of the day. So much so that I'm thinking I should change my name to Sitting Bull. I know Ness loves this stuff and she's been holding back, picking the easier features for me. So when the Cullen kids all challenged each other to a race down the Olympic Boarder-cross course I told Ness to go with them and that I would sit out this latest string of dares. I hafta give Ness a chance to stretch her legs and let it rip… and my ass a rest. I'll give that X course a burl tomorrow.

So, this is how I find myself sitting alone on a bench while Ness and her cousins race through turns and over jumps, berms, rollers and drops.

I'm not alone for long though. There have been Californian bottle blonds flittering around me in their ice white, cooler than cool, snow gear. Their long straight hair falling over their shoulders. It must be distracting to have your hair out when you're going down a trail. If my hair was still long, I would have had it tied back, for sure. Though judging by the way they're milling around, I somehow doubt these chicks actually do much skiing.

"Hey," the uncoordinated brunette says, sitting down next to me, but still far enough apart that we don't really look like we know each other. To the group of girls that have been eyeing me off for the past five minutes we probably look like strangers, and that she's introducing herself to me for the first time; like I don't know anything about her. But I do, I know her well, at least I used to. We have known every intimate detail of each other's bodies and understood every aspect of each other lives since we were toddlers; it just doesn't including the last six months.

"Not up for berms?" I ask, looking up to the area our partners have gone to.

"Yeah… No… this really isn't my kind of thing."

"Shock surprise there Bells," I laugh sarcastically. She's so uncoordinated that I'm surprised she even got _on_ the chair lift let alone _off_ it at the top and then down the hill in one piece. My chuckle is cut short as I realize I've called her Bells. I didn't mean to, the nickname came out automatically.

She heard it though, and she's quiet for a bit. We both are.

I don't know why she's sought me out. I don't want to talk to her. I have too much animosity towards her still.

I've managed to not have to say much more than 'pass the salt' and 'have you seen Ness?' to her since we got here. Sometimes I see her looking at me, a little like she used to, before it all happened. I know Ness had seen her looking at me too. I overheard then having words yesterday morning. Bella was getting all protective and trying to tell Ness that she had better be good to me. Ness just replied by telling Bella she lost the right to care about my feeling the minute she betrayed me worse than anyone else ever had. I was fucking proud of my girl, she's wanted to tell Bella even more home truths than she did that night of homecoming, but she's held herself in check this whole week, both at home over Christmas and up here in Whistler.

I've seen her irritation at Bella's covert glances eating away at her though. It's been building and building, our own sexual frustrations not helping Nessie's temperance any either. I'm glad they could actually get some of the hostility out in the open. Nessie really let loose actually; what started out as a quite yet fierce word in the hallway ended up in them having a screaming match in the living room. Both me and Ed having to break it up before they came to blows. I'm not sure if anything is resolved, but at least they seem to have some kind of peace treaty going on now.

I don't know what's going on inside Bella's head, but I don't think it's really lust or any real feelings. I think Bella just wants me to want her. For all of our relationship, I was the one chasing; begging for a chance, for a kiss, for more sex. A one way street. I think she just wanted to be wanted… and I fit the bill.

But I don't see her like that anymore.

I don't see _any_ girls like that anymore. I only see Ness. I only want Ness.

It still hurts to think about Bella's infidelity, the humiliation and doubt it handed me. It's still so easy to hate her, to be punishing or to just look right through her. The same way I felt when she looked straight through me the second Edward asked for her back.

But at the same time, I'm tired of hating her too. It's not in my nature to hold a grudge and the bitterness is wearing away a niggling hole in my chest.

"Did you want something Bella?" a stony coldness in my tone.

"I wanted to know if you would come to our wedding?" she asks quietly.

I don't answer her, I lean forwards, bracing my palm on my knee as I turn to look at her, a look of irritation and resentment undoubtedly etched across my face and burning from my eyes. I have no answer for her.

"And to say I'm sorry," she adds dimly like an afterthought.

"I know," I say dismissively, "you've told me before." And I have heard it all before. Every time I see her.

"Well, I'm gunna say it again. And I'll keep in saying it until you believe me."

"Oh, I believe you're sorry Bella, I just don't think you know _what_ you're sorry for."

"For hurting you Jake," she says back at me, without missing a beat.

"But you don't get _why_ you hurt me Bella. That's the thing I can't get past." I finally turn my whole body towards her. We probably look less like strangers like this. "As much as it ripped my heart from my chest, I sort of do understand. I know you love him. I know you never stopped, Bella. But you just went about it all so wrong. You were my _friend_; and you should have just been able to tell me." As previously pained as I once was, my tone is now even, I'm collected. I'm offloading but not breaking down. "That crap about having to decide and having both of us… that wasn't fair. That was so unfair for you to do that to me. The lying and the cheating. And then more lying, even after you'd gone."

"I know," she whispers, the self- condemning evident in her glassy eyes. "We should have just broken up that night at the party."

I nod, looking at the pattern my boots make in the dirty snow beneath my feet. Shoulda, woulda, coulda— _didn't_. Regrets change little about the facts at hand. "But you didn't Bella."

"Look Jake, can we… can we just try to at least not _hate_ each other. I mean, can _you_ not hate me?"

"Can _you_ not hate Ness?" I say back in answer. "I love her Bells. She's the only reason I've come out of this mess with nothing more than a poorly thought out haircut."

"It's hard… seeing you with someone else."

"And you think it's easy for me?"

"No," she says quietly, fully aware of the double standards she imposing. "I guess a part of me still loves you Jake."

"And a part of me will always love you too Bella, but I'm not _in_ love with you." I say, straining my voice to keep it soft, "and you _know_ you're not _in_ love with me either."

She nods silently, her eyes closed as she rubs her face with her hands. "But you'll always be my own personal sun Jake."

I shake my head at her. Why is she pulling this crap now? She's more messed up than I realized.  
"You make your own happiness Bella. Don't let others define you. I gave you too much of myself last year. I let you take and take and take. And, emotionally, I didn't get anything back from you." I can't be gentle, she needs it laid out in black and white. "I'm not your sun any more. I not yours." I state flatly, a reference to her comments to Ness yesterday and also a reference to my feelings. She doesn't light that spark in me the way Ness does, she never did. Ness is right, it does feel good to get stuff of your chest. Mmm, Nessie's chest; god I'm missing those twin peaks up here in the snow.

With a deep breath, I tame the big chief down, focusing on making sure Bella is crystal clear that she and I will never be more than friends, ever again.

"I'm Nessie's now. I've given myself to _her_." I don't want anything to jeopardize what Ness and me have. I don't want Bella and I don't want Bella to want me. "We're the real deal, Bella. If you and Edward are truly the real deal too then you'll understand. She's my everything, Bells. Really. I can't breathe properly if she's not around. My thoughts are never far from Ness. Where she is, what she's doing, what's she thinking?" My heart giving a little skip at just voicing all the thoughts and feeling I have inside. "What she looks like," my dick re-joining my heart. "Like, right now, I have one eye looking out for her. Waiting for her when she comes back down that hill. It's…" I pause, trying to explain a feeling that simply doesn't have words to give it enough meaning.

"It's all consuming," Bella says, meeting my eyes. "I understand Jake, truly I do." We just sit for a bit. Exchanging a look of understanding. Silently mending a small piece of the friendship we once shared. And I watch as a piece of her, that bit that she still held for me, that little ember she was still clutching on to, sizzles out in the cool British Columbian breeze.

"She's really pretty Jake," Bella says, my old friends happy for me as she breaks the silence trying hard to find us some common ground with this olive branch.

I smile, holding back a chuckle. "She's beautiful," I amend.

"And Edward says she's a good dancer?" she asks extends the branch a little further and with more sincerity. This, I can talk to her about. I can talk about Ness until the cows come home.

"You have no idea Bella. She's spectacular when she dances. Like— and I'm not being biased, but she's just breath-taking. She takes my breath away," I breathe the last part as if illustrating my point.

"And she loves you."

I smile, my chest tight at just how much I love her. "And she loves me," I echo, my head shaking, in wonder. It's so hard to believe just how much love we share sometimes. It's unreal.

"More than _I_ could ever. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you deserved Jacob. I'm glad you've found that now," she says, scooting over toward me on the bench we're sharing. "And for the record, I really am sorry about the way I left things with us."

I nod. I know she is. She's not a bad person. She just got lost there for a bit. Wrapped up in her own ultimate 'someone', getting what she had, what she wants and what she has confused.

"Friends?" she asks, offering her open arms.

"How about we start as _not_ enemies," I offer, leaning in and pulling her closer. I haven't held Bella for months, not since that day she came to say good bye after practice. Not since she drove on out of my life. I was heartbroken that day, as much as I didn't want to be. But now, hugging Bella, I'm whole already. I'm not broken-hearted; I'm not pining; I don't feel shoveled out or empty. Because I have Ness and she makes me whole.

This… holding Bella now, it doesn't stir up any lingering emotions, because there _aren't_ any remaining. I feel like I'm simply holding my friend, or maybe my sister. It doesn't feel like the arms of a woman I'm in love with. Because I'm not. The two women are polar opposites: Fire and Ice. Bella is cold, and Ness is always warm. Bella hasn't even bothered to _try _snowboarding today, she's just happy to sit and watch. But Ness… Ness has been going since we left the house. I realize now how much better suited Renesmee and I are than me and Bells ever were. Nessie is more like me; energetic, involved, an active participant in our own lives. If Ness is fire, then I'm ablaze by her passion.

"I can deal with trying to _not_ be enemies," Bella says into the collar of my jacket, "and no more hating on your girl."

"Thank you Bella."

We pull apart, and she scoots over, back to a 'we don't really look like we know each other' distance.

We sit in silence for a little while, watching the kids go up the magic carpet, the boarders as they arrive at the bottom of the runs and the skiers are they line up for the lift. Bella clicks her tongue after a little while, pushing herself up from the bench and heading off to the lodge, "I'm gunna go get a hot chocolate," she says turning as she walks. She stops and turns fully, looking at me silently. "So we're officially _un-_enemies now?"

"Officially," I say back. That's the most I can give her right now. "Who knows though? I might even come to you wedding still."

She smiles, and turns back, and I follow her retreating figure with my eyes as she plods up the snow, slipping on some ice in true Bella style.

I laugh quietly to myself as she rights herself and I turn my gaze back to scanning over to the base of the B–X run, looking for my Ness to come down.

Get a little fire back in my sole.

* * *

**I just realized that I didn't thank my BETA, Aretee for all her hard work on my stories last chapter. Thanks L. and for you're work on this Chapter too of course.**

**And I just realized that you guys haven't had any sexy time from our couple for quite a few weeks, so If you show me some love, I just might post the next chapter of Jake and Nessies showing some love. But only if you want Jake to get a leg over. Or maybe it'll be Ness's leg getting over? either way, the next few chapters are a fair bit of citrus fun.**

**Have a great week, M**


	37. Chapter 37 - The Contortionist

**Last Time on P &amp; C's...**

**Bella**_** clicks her tongue after a little while, pushing herself up from the bench and heading off to the lodge, "I'm gunna go get a hot chocolate," she says turning as she walks. She stops and turns fully, looking at me silently.**_

_**"So we're officially un-enemies now?"**_

_**"Officially," I say back. Tha****_t's th_e most I can give her right now. "Who knows though? I might even come to you wedding still."**_

_**She smiles, and turns back, and I follow her retreating figure with my eyes as she plods up the snow, slipping on some ice in true Bella style.**_

_**I laugh quietly to myself as she rights herself and I turn my gaze back to scanning over to the base of the B–X run, looking for my Ness to come down.**_

_**Get a little fire back in my sole...**_

* * *

**Two updates in one week! oh you must have been good little girls (and boys).**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, and welcome to my new readers. Aretee you did good for me in this chapter. Rue 21 sounds like a night club to me ;-p**

**Now, back to Jake and his time up in the snow. If I had a man like Jake, I'd never leave him unattended with the powder hodad's girls circling. Lucky he only has eyes for Ness.**

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**C****hapter 37 – The Contortionist.**

I'm not alone for more than two minutes before a few girls come and sit in the space Bella was just in. Only there are four of them, and they don't all fit. Three are squished up, almost touching me. And, just as I'm about to move to the very edge of the bench, the fourth one, comes around to my other side.

"You're not boarding today?" the forth asks me.

"Ah…well, I was, but I'm just taking a break for a bit." Where the fuck is Ness?

"Cool," she nods. "You here all week?" they look like that same type of California blond girls I saw earlier. Only their hair is tied back. And two of them are brunettes. Maybe a little preppy—it's hard to tell in the cold weather gear. I think these ones might actually know how to ski, but I still doubt they _live_ for the fresh powder. I think I could live for the fresh powder. The crispness, the cold, the sound of the snow beneath my shoe, it's amazing. I feel like I could hike up the tops of these peaks and ski down forever.

I nod at prep girl number four, trying to be polite. Would it be rude if I just got up and left? Maybe I could just find Bella. No, I don't want do that. That'd give her the wrong idea. "'Till Saturday."

"Cool. You on Christmas Break?"

I nod again. I really have to learn how to be ruder. Ness would have some smart ass comment to throw at them.

"Cool, what school do you go to?"

"Ah… Forks High?" Like they'd know where that is.

"Oh. A high school guy," she sings. "Girls, he's still in high school," number four calls to one, two and three, leaning over me and moving just that bit closer. "I go to _Virgin_ia," stressing the virgin part of the word. Something tells me a virgin, she 'aint. Her hand grips over my jacket and feels the muscle on my arms. This would look very bad if Ness was to show up right now.

Number three leans in, "I bet you get mistaken for like, a twenty-five year old all the time."

I swallow, shrugging, everyone already knows who I am on the rez _and_ in Forks. Anyway, I don't care, Ness already knows how old I am; which 168 days older than her, and that's all that matters to me. I'm guessing that these women are a few years older than me. College girls; and they're voracious. And I now have _two_ of them hanging off of me.

"I'm Blair," number three says, "and this is Kelly, Jules and Stella," pointing to four, two and one, respectively.

"Jake," I say back. Why did I do that? I should have given some fake name. Now I'm gunna have them following me around and calling out my name all week. Ness is gunna have a field day with this. Laugh her tits off, I'm sure. Mmmm, Ness's tits, god I'm missing them. I could just suck on those tits, up in the mountains, fucking her in the fresh powder.

"Nice to meet you _Jake," _number three putting some kind of wannabe sexy spin on my name. It doesn't work. I've got to get the fuck out of here. I slide my bruised ass forwards, creeping until my butt is about to fall off the bench. I pick up my board, standing and moving backwards towards the lifts. I don't care if it takes me to a Black run; I'd be happy if it did. I want away from the bitches in heat.

"Yep. Nice to meet you all. I'm just gunna…" I say non-committedly, thumbing over to somewhere… anywhere that isn't here.

But they all get up and follow me.

Now what the fuck do I do?

"Are you headed up to 'Cloud Nine'?" number two asks.

This is my out. "No, too easy, I might go do 'Big Bang'."

"Oh, a _double_ black," she smiles, "right on."

Oh fuck. They _can_ snowboard… I only remembered the name because I saw the sign and I like the TV show. And that's gunna take me right to the base of the park, a half hour trip back up to where Ness will be in— and nowhere near fresh snow.

"We'll come with you," says number two.

"Maybe you can give us some tips, some pointers," number three adds, biting her lips between her teeth and smiling shyly at me. I am quite convinced she's not shy though, I think _assertive_ is the word I'd use.

I am so fucked. So in over my head. I don't know how the fuck to turn down such rapacious girls.

Then, before I can formulate any other sort of excuse, I hear a board grate up alongside us, really close - skilfully close. And a tiny warm arm links with mine. And my lungs fill and I feel that my head has been under water and I've just resurfaced. That delightful, life giving breath after being submerged. I can breathe. Ness.

"Sorry, he's got a private lesson now," she says apologetically. I know she isn't, I can see the fire bubbling in her eyes as she fleetingly scans over my four would-be suitors and obviously finding them lacking by the undaunted look she gives them. Then she pulls me down to her tiny height, her mouth just grazing the shell of my ear, "I've finally managed to ditch Emmett!" she whispers quietly to me, her eyes now ablaze for a very different and much more pleasurable reason.

Number four lets out a dismissive scoff, and my attention is taken from Ness as I see the blond look her up and down, a mean-girl leer forming, "What, in the kids club? You can do better than a little kid, Jake."

She thinks she's funny. Maybe she thinks Ness _is_ just a little kid. A freshman with a crush on me. God knows I was stupid enough to think as much for weeks. But number four is being malicious in the way she's delivered her assumptions. And I don't tolerate malice.

I don't know these girls. They don't know me. They certainly don't know Ness. And no one talks about her like that. No one.

And well… thank the fuck to the lords... she's ditched Emmett!

I wind my arm around her shoulder, pulling Renesmee closer to me. "Hey!" I call out to the _un_-virgin. "Look again, Miss _Rue 21_, this a'int no kid. This is a woman. And let me tell you, this is the finest specimen of a woman I have ever seen in my life. But more than that, she is the love of my life. I can't do any better, because there _isn't _anyone better. So if you'll excuse us, I'm going to go make love to this beautiful woman before her cousin comes and tries to cock block us again."

And with that I hoist Ness over my shoulder, like a cave man, one arm holding my board and the other over her ass as her arms and head dangles down my back. I stomp off, quickly forgetting the four muff-keteers. I've got something much better to think about now, now that she's managed to dodge Emmett. This is the most excited I've been in days. I've got an instant raging boner at just the idea of us getting ten minutes to ourselves, preferably a good thirty though.

She's still clipped into her board and it's digging into my hip as we walk along. She's chuckling with each step I take. Knowing her like I do, I shouldn't be, but I am a little surprised at her reaction. I just told a bunch of strangers that we're gunna go off and fuck and I'm carrying her over my shoulder and were getting looks from everyone in the area as we go. And all she's doing is giggling. That's all, no yelling to put her down, no 'that's private, how could you say that?"… Just giggles.

She gives me a drumroll kind of two handed pat on the ass, "I can't believe you called her Miss Rue 21," she laughs.

"Believe it baby," I laugh, "we are _invincible_," a good, broad handed pat right back on her ass, followed by a meaty squeeze in front of some old dude who is staring at us to highlight my point. Best ass ever.

"Are you gunna put me down any time soon?" She's not demanding, there's just amusement in her voice. It feels like she's lifted up her head, I think must be looking at all the people, the old dude and the Rue 21 girls, who are staring at us with mouths open like pacific cod. I can feel her elbow digging in to my back as I keep on waking over to the gondola that takes us back to the village.

Finally, when we get to the gondola line, I lower her back down. Placing her gently on her feet but never letting go of her. Her board is quick release, so she bends down briefly, flicking the strap on her front foot, and using her boot to undo the back one. Then with one arm slung over her upright board, she steps that little bit closer to me, up on to tippy toes. Her lips try to brush mine as her body presses against me, and her free hand grasps a hold old of my neck warmer, pulling me down.

"For the record Jake, that cave man act…" oh no, I've gone and blown it with my alpha male crap. "That objectification, and public statement of our sex life to a bunch of girls who all wanted a piece of you…" so fucked. "That is the sexiest god damned thing I have ever seen. So fucking sexy." Maybe I'm not so fucked then… or should I say, will be _getting_ fucked, in the good way, instead.

"You like the caveman thing, hey?" I rumble into her lips.

Her hot tongue slips out and tastes me. "I like a little bit of possessiveness."

"Oh, you are _so_ getting owned," I say, pressing my hard dick into her tummy.

"Owned?" she challenges, weaving her fingers through my hair and pulling seductively.

"Owned, taken, filled, possessed. Choose your adjective baby." My hand is on her hips, my thumb has found its way under her long snow jacket, and is burrowing its way under her thermals too.

"Owned is fine by me," she purrs, lifting up even higher and pressing her lips to mine.

We stand like this, making out in broad daylight, gorging on each other's faces as we wait for the sky boat to arrive. Now that I think of it, we haven't even shared much more than quick and soft, innocent kisses since we got to the snow either. I'm gunna take as much as I can in the time we have. I'm pretty sure Ness feels the same way too; we only stop kissing for a minute to board and she tugs me along, into a far corner, hiding herself behind my hulking frame and I kiss her some more.

We do stop eventually, when we realize there is a family with small kids standing less than two feet from where we're dry humping. But I can't let her go, instead we just cuddle while standing and interchanging our glances between the panoramic windows and gazing into each other's eyes. I wonder what it would feel like to free fall from this high. I'd say it'd be as good as it feels to be enfolded in this little woman, soaring up this far above the ground does. That's how it would feel.

We get to the bottom and we all but sprint up the village road and around the corner to the house. We all have a key and I have mine ready and waiting to go in the little hole before we even get to the door… and then I get my key out. No seriously… I unlock that door faster than I've ever unlocked anything in my life. With the solid oak entrance open, we throw our boards in the wet room, I shove Ness in to the entryway and slam the door hard behind us.

We stand in the foyer for a few seconds, a few feet apart and just silently examining at each other. My heart pounding in my chest, my eyes raking over her beautiful face which is slightly flushed from all our earlier heavy petting and her eyes are bright and shining with her inner strength. Then, as if a starters-gun has gone off, we collide. Ness jumps up and her legs wind around my waist. I stumble against the wall, pressing her back into the plaster.

And that's as far into the house as we get. In seconds, she's managed to unzip my jacket and then her own, I have to put her down to shrug the coat off. Then she's down on her knees, ripping at my pants, hot warm fingers puling and stroking at my length, then an even hotter and warmer mouth taking me in.

"Oh fuck Ness," I moan, jerking my hips, pressing myself deeper into her mouth.

She just replies with some heavy suction, pulling and kneading. "Oh my god. Ness. It's been too long. I'm gunna blow. Not like this, Ness," I pant. Pulling my hips away and she releases me with a soft popping sound.

"Then how?" she solicits impishly from her crouched position below me.

"Like this," I growl, yanking her up and tugging her pants down. She reckons she likes getting owned.

I'm all over that.

I turn her by the shoulders, commandingly pressing her face-first against the wall, her hands splayed out by her shoulders as her head turns side in, her cheek pressing into the wallpaper. "You feel owned yet Ness?" I say, my wild hands grabbing great big handfuls of perfect milky ass and using my knee to spread her legs as far as her dropped pants will allow. My mouth drags down the line of her jaw, kissing and nipping as I go. Long fingers slipping between the warm wet of her inner thighs as I suck a long drawn out symbol of my lust on the side of her throat.

She doesn't answer me, she's just moaning, distracted by my fingers that are slick with her wet as I play with her love spot. God I've missed those sounds.

"How about it Ness," I move higher, my hands slowly moving up her body, feeling the dip and swell of her arched back, the softness of her breasts. I lift and push her shirt off her body, her arms raising to help, the top is pulled over her head, her long ponytail falling back on to her thin lace white camisole as it does, and the shirt is discarded on the floor. My hands travel up the length of her arms, I love that they're so slender yet so strong.

But I'm stronger.

And much taller.

I hoist her up, yanking her foot out of a boot and letting a leg fall free of her snow pants. One arm winds up under her thigh and lifts her leg up until the other foot on the ground is forced on to tippy toes and slowly I turn her. Like a ballet pas de deux, slowly she spins until she's facing me, her upper leg now hooked over my shoulder. She's doing the splits standing up. Just like on the August page of my calendar. And she's looking straight at me; heat and fire and all-consuming lust burning into my very being.

I grasp firmly around her wrists, holding her willingly hostage against the wall, the tip of my full throbbing erection pressing just at the entrance of her damp petals, "You feel taken?"

"Yeah," she breathes; the only mindful thing she can utter.

The head of my cock enters, slowly, teasingly, until I'm filling her up to the hilt. God I've missed this feeling— of Ness surrounding me. "You feel _filled_ now baby?" I say standing, fixed and refusing to budge against her little wiggles and attempts to move to gain some friction. I feel in command.

"Oh Jacob, yes. Yes. Just fuck me... please," she moans her eyes closed as she tries to claw at the nothingness in her palms.

Her wish is my command, and I pull back, this time ramming back in much harder, much faster and much deeper. She lets out foggy cry of pleasure as I start to move. I hold her wrists tight, suspended above our heads and against the wall as my chest presses into hers.

I'm still too tall like this, and I've had my knees bent a little, so I stand fully, literally lifting Ness up by her arms and my cock, her lower foot completely off the ground now. And the stretch it gives to that leg that is hooked over my shoulder does something to her pussy. It goes into overdrive tight. And it's now all I can think about.

About just how tight this pussy that is wrapped around my dick is. Tight. Wet. Hot. Ness.

Invincible.

In and out, pounding her ass into the wall with each thrust. My mouth finds hers and my lips are pressing, urging, and seeking her. She parts her lips and sucks my tongue into her mouth, and it sends a jolt of blood to my already heavily engorged dick, pushing me closer to that release I've been craving all week.

"Fuck," I moan into her mouth, increasing the pace of each thrust. Forgetting our little game of domination, I drop her hands and they wind around the muscle of my neck to hold on for the ride. One hand winding around the back of her head and forcing her lips closer to mine, the other holding her ass and waist as I pull her into my shaft. Each thrust in and out brings a call of gratification from her lips that echoes into my throat. Closer and closer I climb, building and promoting that fiery culmination I'm after.

Breathless, I pull back from her lips, grunting with each thrust as my face buries in the glorious smelling curls.

"Oh god I love you Jacob. Oh god I've missed you."

"I know Ness….oh yeah… I love… aughh…you too." My words a jumbled mess as my focus is split; firstly on the woman in front of me, the sounds she's making, the feeling of her soft porcelain skin under my hands, and secondly; the pure ecstasy I feel building in my straining supreme shaft. I'm gunna cum.

I'm trying to wait until I feel Nessie get slightly tighter, for what I know is the writing on the wall for her climax, but I can't wait. Like a pressurized cylinder has been thrown into her fire, I explode; deep into her, shuddering and convulsing and letting out a mighty roar as I peak.

She's clinging to me, holding me tight as she desperately tries to keep up. But I've had too much of a head start. Or I've just been too horny for too long; either way, I'm spent from that unrivaled orgasm. My whole body ebbs down, my knees giving way and I lower us both to the floor in my numbed exulted state.

I can't think straight and it takes me a moment to come back to my body. When I finally do, I see we are a tangled up mess of arms and legs, I'm still inside of her and her leg is still over my shoulder as she sits on my lap. Somehow I've ended up with my back against the wall and Ness's other foot wrapped around my waist and it's trapped behind it.

She's a fucking contortionist. I am so. Fucking. Lucky.

"Aren't you uncomfortable?" I laugh, tilting my head and kissing the inside of her knee as it rests by my jaw.

"Only a little," she smiles, kissing my lips and then shifting her legs off and away.

"Sorry I was so fast," I mumble into her temple as she settles back in, sideways on my lap, her knees curled up comfortably. I still have my pants half on and it's forced my legs to be straight out as I sit, bare assed on the cool tiled floor.

"It's okay," she whispers, kissing my shoulder through my shirt. She links her fingers with mine, I love the way her tiny hands fit into mine. I love everything about this little woman; her soft pink lips, her supple full breasts, her velvety firm thighs. I run my hand over her thigh, up and over the curve of her ass and hip and then back around to where all those good things culminate in the middle. My fingers lightly running over the puckered rim of her ass and down further to the moist edge of her heat.

She squirms a little against my legs, the evidence of my orgasm squelching between us. I have to stifle the whinge I want to let out from the sensation of it running down my thigh.

"Let's go take a shower," she laughs, shaking her head at me, knowing how much my own spunk grosses me out even when it kind of turns me on at the same time. She pulls me up to my feet, and with my pants heaved up and Ness naked from the waist down, we scoop up our boots and discarded clothes and scuttle upstairs to the bathroom.

Yes, a shower with Ness. Refresh and reset, and then I should be up for round two, and this time I'm making _her_ my number one priority.

She turns on the water, striping off all the way before then testing the water and stepping in when it's ready. I follow suit and am only a step behind her. I grab for the soap and start lathering up in my hands.

"Yes," she hisses as my soapy fingers find her hard nipples. My hands glide over her soft smooth skin and her back arches. Then Ness takes the soap and it's my turn, she washes me from front to back. She pays special attention to my flaccid shaft. I suppose she's hoping for round two in the shower. But it's too soon. I'm willing my dick to stand to attention, but 'the big chief' is worn-out. He needs some recharge time.

I really do mean it. As soon as I can, we are so going for round two. I'm gunna rock her world. I am invincible. I just need five more minutes. Just _five_.

But Ness has other plans.

She takes the head of the nozzle off the wall and washes us both down. Then she plays with the spiny dial, turning it until the jet of water is pulsing and she sits down in the combination tub-shower, pulling me down with her.

She points the spray at herself, the thick stream of white, bubbled fluid spraying over her throat, and chest, lapping over her sweetly curved mounds.

Ness reclines back in the tub, her legs wide as they press against the outer edges. She's looking me straight in the eye as I sit on the opposite end. Watching this beautiful woman as she displays to me her hot, wet, cherry pie. The spray getting closer and closer, inching towards the fine auburn curls between her legs, her free hand pinching and tweaking a peaked rosebud nipple.

She smiles, her pretty lips turning up and showing me her perfect white teeth. Then she winks, the best set of bedroom eyes a guy could imagine. "I discovered the vibration setting on the nozzle."

Well holy fuck.

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**A little bit of relief for our young lovers.**

**Review = Love**


	38. Chapter 38 - To our own devices

**Last time on P &amp; C's****… **

**As soon as I can, we are so going for round two. I'm gunna rock her world. I am invincible. I just need five more minutes. Just five.**

**But Ness has other plans. **

**She takes the head of the nozzle off the wall and washes us both down. Then she plays with the spiny dial, turning it until the jet of water is pulsing and she sits down in the combination tub-shower, pulling me down with her…**

… **She smiles, her pretty lips turning up and showing me her perfect white teeth. Then she winks, the best set of bedroom eyes a guy could imagine. **

"**I discovered the vibration setting on the nozzle."**

**Well holy fuck.**

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**Chapter 38** **To our own devices.**

It's late before everyone is back at the vacation house. Marie, Tony, Carlisle and Esme came back about an hour ago, to find me and Ness in the kitchen. We're both happy and sated after a full afternoon; in the entryway, the bathroom and then the lounge room to ourselves, and now we're in the kitchen…cooking up a storm. Ness wanted to make Ligurian gnocchi, from scratch; it's not that easy. But she's a good teacher and I've perfected the rolling technique, the two of us have a good little production line going while her mother and Esme are following Nessie's instructions on the pesto.

Edward and Bella stick their heads in, Edward kissing his mother a simple peck on the temple before they head off to the privacy of their own room. Bella not meeting either Ness's or my gaze. Things are still pretty tense with those two. I know Bella and I talked today, but I sincerely doubt that things will ever be the same with us ever again. I hope those two don't take their seclusion in this house for granted either.

Emmett and Alice follow, Alice breezing in, to then turns and announce she has to get ready for the movies she, Ed, and Bella are going to later. Because that apparently takes hours. Emmett comes in and goes straight to the fridge, eating the other half of last night's left overs that I'd already raided.

"You're looking rather radiant Ness," he smiles his patented shit eating grin, cold roast potato in his maw, as he waggles his eye brows. He stands behind his mom so she doesn't see and gives his own nipples a tweak through his t-shirt, arching his back while faking his best 'O' face at us. "Have a satisfying afternoon?"

Fucker.

"Emmett Dale McCarthy Cullen," Esme scolds, pointing at him over her shoulder, "stop that already. Don't think we all haven't seen your silly game this week."

"What game?" he asks innocently, backing away, freaked out that his mother had eyes in the back of her head and then stuffing his face some more.

"You're twenty three years old Emmett, haven't you got something better to do than worry about the personal life of others? I think you need to apologise; to Ness and to Jacob." Emmett looks ashen, big, giant 49ers offensive tackle has just been majorly _told_ by his mommy.

I bit my lip to supress my snigger. Ness dusts the flour off her fingers and places a hand on her hip, shifting and tapping her foot as she now waits, with one eye brow arched, for his apology.

Em just looks at his mom, not quite believing that he's just been called on this. "Well, go on," she urges. It's like he's seven and has just called his little sister a naughty word and made her cry.

"I'm waiting," Ness sings, paying the aggrieved teenager so well.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, "sorry," he mumbles.

"What was that?" she taunts, holding a hand to her ear like she didn't hear.

"Sorry," he repeats.

"You're forgiven. But you're gunna sleep in my bed tonight as punishment," she adds, appending to the bargaining while she can.

"Yeeeees," he drones, "I was gunna leave you alone anyway. I'm going out after dinner, Garfunkel's is having live burlesque show tonight, so if all goes well I won't be home until much later tomorrow,' he smiles, his dimples gathering.

I need to get me a fake ID.

"Big time pro player get his choice of girls does he?" Maire teases, she'd be a pretty good Aunt. I think she's a pretty good mother-in-law at least, or whatever you call what it is that she currently is to me.

Emmett shrugs, trying to act nonchalant but still respectful in front of his mom. "Something like that."

"Well let's hope she doesn't have an annoying cousin who's running _cliterference_," adds Ness,

Cliterference. Fuck. I love this girl.

"Nessie, what happened to my little pipsqueak?" he says bringing her in for a one handed brotherly hug around the shoulders – a half head lock as the other hand balances an almost empty dinner plate, the cling film flapping off the side. "You're still a short-ass, but you used to be so little too; annoying the shit out of me, getting me to help you build that snow man every Christmas and stuff."

"I grew up Em," she says, pulling back and pressing her lips to his cheek, blowing a huge sloppy raspberry.

"Errrrkk," he grunts trying to pull away, but Ness has a death grip on his face. He can't get away from the wet-willy she dishes out either.

"I don't need you for that stuff anymore Emmy, I have a big tall man of my own to help me get the hat on Mr. Frosty."

She's talking about me, that first afternoon we got here, she dragged me outside to help her scoop up all the clean snow we could find and make Mr Frosty. I lifted her up by the waist so she could fit the Santa hat she brought all the way from Forks especially for the snowman. Apparently she's been doing it every year since they were all kids.

Emmett steps back from Ness, putting the plate on the counter and holds out a hand to me. I take it without hesitation, giving it a steady shake. But Emmett has other ideas, wrenching me in, and giving me a firm slap the back. "No hard feelings hey Jake? It really only was some fun. I'm letting you have tonight to yourselves. You think it was _skill_ that Ness got past me this afternoon? I'm an offensive tackle for Christ sakes, no getting past this," he says, pointing to his broad shoulders.

Ness scoffs from behind us, her mother and Aunt giggling. "Na, no hard feelings. I think you would have had a more enjoyable time blocking Edward and Bella though."

"Next year," he smirks, the plan already formulating in his head.

"You're on."

"Right!" claps Ness, bringing us all back to the task at hand and just how hungry we all are, as she finds the big stockpot and starts to fill it. "Time to cook this _trofie_."

Emmett dips his finger in the prepared pesto, earning him a slap of the wrist by Nessie's mom, "Get you dirty mitts out of it and go wash up Em. And can you tell the others dinner will be in ten."

"Okay aunty Marie," he says, taking a second sample and this time earning a spoon on the knuckles for his troubles. He retreats back, hooting and hollering and flapping his sore hand as he goes.

* * *

#######

* * *

We've drawn a bath, found some candles and have locked ourselves in the bathroom for what I plan on being the rest of the evening. Dinner was a huge success, and after we all cleaned up, I helped Ness moved her things into my room, we watched a little bit of TV on the big screen, and then Ness and I found ourselves suddenly left alone and to our own devices. Emmett is out in search for a burlesque-esque well to dip his nib in; Bella, Alice and Edward have gone to catch that movie—of course it's 18+, so we can't go, I very much doubt that was done accidentally; and the olds have settled in for an all night long game of Monopoly.

So in celebration of our _under-agedness_, we decided we'd commandeer the Jacuzzi tub in the main bathroom.

I'm lying back in the water, my giant legs pressed up on the rim, my feet way off the edge. Ness just finished using my ankle as a foot rest as she shaved her legs. And now she's silky smooth and lying back on me, her soft legs rubbing against mine. I'm a little cramped in this tub, it's not really built for two, let alone a guy my height. Ness seems to be very comfortable using me as a settee though. She's relaxing on me, her long neck exposed with her hair piled up high in a loose bun, the soft skin of her back pressing over my chest. The rapidly hardening muscle between my legs is pressing into her back too.

I have a puffy sponge in my hand and I'm rubbing liquid soap all over her chest, circling around her floaters and getting a good bubble going. This bit about the bath is pretty comfortable though, let me tell ya that.

We're just chatting about nothing much, the hovering girls at the snow today, my chat with Bella, how much I'm loving everything about being up here, Nessie's mad skill on a snow board, her mad skill in the kitchen…

"Ness, what did your mom mean when she said you learnt that recipe from Nona Fiorentino?"

"Huh?" she asks, looking at me over her shoulder sleepy and relaxed, the small damp curls of her hair sticking to her nape.

"Nona, that's Italian for grandmother, right?"

She nods. "Luca's grandma. I went with him and his family to stay with her for a few days the summer between year ten and year eleven. She only has Luca and Paulo for grandchildren, and they're typical boys, only interested in eating the food and not at all concerned in what it takes to make it. She wanted someone to learn her recipes, so she taught me."

"Ough," I say back, using all my will to squash the jealousy I feel rolling off of me. I don't know why I care so much about this. I mean… I'm doing the same thing right now; on vacation with my girlfriend's family. It's a pretty normal thing to do. But knowing that she had a relationship with Luca's family kind of grates on me. But it shouldn't; it's petty and insecure of me. I want for her to have an even better relationship with mine though. I want her to have more memories of me and _my_ kin rather than ones of the one she fell pregnant to. I really wish my mom was alive to show Ness some of her traditional recipes. I think I might ask Aunty Sue to show her.

"Hey," she soothes, turning to face me, the water gently sloshing on the high gloss sides. "My parents went to Thailand after the tsunami and I was gunna have to stay home alone, so Lucca asked his parents to bring me along." She laughs to herself at a memory. "Trust me Jake, his Nona is way better at the clam jam than Emmett could ever _hope_ to be."

I half-heartedly laugh back at her inference; that his Nona was a taco block Nazi… but all I hear is that Ness was doing her best to sneak some sex with Luca all vacation. But that's ancient history now, without the loss of their baby they'd be nothing to each other. I don't want to let my insecurities bring me down. Ness promises me they we're never _actually_ in love, and I believe her…she and Luca are over and done…

…Except for that one thing that will always bind them together.

A hand slides up my front, holding my shoulder as she raises herself up across my stretched out body. "And any way, we don't have to worry about Emmett any more, we have a free pass now," she purrs. "No one to interrupt us," her slippery breasts slinking up my abbs.

No, no interruptions. These boobies are my distraction though.

"Free access to every inch of me," her chest raising further, a nipple dragging over my lips. They're very pretty boobs, jiggling a little as she flexes her arm. Little droplets of water zig-zagging over the round slope, and hanging off a pert nipple. I sit up a bit to lick the drop of water off. It's a reflex, my mouth is _made_ to suckle on her boobs. All other wary thoughts now forgotten.

Her legs straddle me, my dick finding its own way to the outside of her entrance. The contrast between the wet water and her own natural lube, slick and almost oily in the tepid bath water is inviting and a sensual distinction. She's so wet.

"Every inch?" I ask, my hands slipping and siding over her folds, a finger lifting higher and circling the puckered rose bud of her ass.

She squeals, pulling away. "Okay maybe not _every_ inch," laughing at my daring.

A guy's gotta try. But I focus back on the things I know she's let me into, and with what gimlet I'll use when I get there. "What about these inches?" I ask, lifting my hips out of the water, and showing her just how _big_ 'the big chief' is.

"Mmmm. I like these inches." Her hands form a fist around me, steadily twisting and tugging and feeling like the best HWHJ I've ever had – that's a 'Hot Water Hand Job' for those of you who don't know. I just made it up. But it feels so good that I think these things she's doing to me should have a special name. "I like these inches a lot."

"I like you liking them a lot, too," I breathe, my head falling back on to the tiles behind me, just focusing on the changes in temperature as her hands grip around me. The water is hotter than her skin, and oh shit, her mouth even hotter than the water. She's so fucking hot.

She's moved to kneel between my legs, bowed down as her mouth bops just above the water's edge. I wonder if she'd go under water if I lowered my hips. Reading my mind, she pushes on the top of my leg, silently urging me to relax, so I do, and she follows my dick down with it, blowing thrilling little bubbles over my shaft, tickling and pleasing as they effervesce off my head. She does this again and again, coming up for breath every few strokes. It's pretty amazing, the bubbles and temperature contrasts, the bubbles, they're very…. they're good…the bubbles… they're… they are very distracting…very good… extraordinary... outstanding.

I let out a long moan and she lifts out of the water, letting me go and my erection bounces against my abbs. Ness wipes her face, wiping the water off her eyes as she smiles at me. "Is that good?" she asks, taking me in her hands again.

I can't really talk. Yes, it's fucking good. I just nod uncoordinatedly, letting out some kind of incomprehensible noise that's supposed to be a yes.

"I wondered if it would be. You know… considering how good the shower nozzle is."

Well yes, it certainly seemed good considering the screams I got out of her with that magic wand of a shower head earlier this afternoon. "Trust me Ness, it's good... you're good… be resolute that it's _all_ just really, _really_…good."

This whole time her hands haven't stopped moving and stroking; pulling at me, firm and focussed. My hands are palming at her breasts, rubbing her nipples between my fingers. One of my arms reach up, winding behind her neck, and pulling her lips to mine. She leans forward, one hand pressing on my chest the other still stroking me off.

Her tongue sweeps over mine, probing and exploring in time with her hand and I respond by a much harder squeeze of her nipple, pulling and stretching. I'm rewarded for my punishment by a sultry moan deposited right into the back of my mouth. My hands leave her breasts, dragging over her stomach, sinking into the water and folding into her private satin flesh. Now I play and fondle with her buttery bean and a small excited moans again echo at my lips.

"Ah, fuck me, you're so wet Ness."

Her hand takes up a faster pace, like a piston, up and down; soft hands under the water. I can hear the small splashes of her arm and of mine, our breathing and the occasional groan of pleasure from both of us. Closer and closer, I'm headed fast to that white hot eruption.

I want inside my woman, I want more than just hands and lips. I wanted _all_ of her. And not here, awkward and cramped in the communal bath.

I pull back from her lips, my hand sliding around her thigh, cupping securely on her hips as I push her away from me, just a few millimetres. Her eyes open, flicking in question back and forwards between mine. Puffing and panting between pink swollen lips, her cheeks are glowing, the flush radiating down her throat. "Let's go back to my bed," I say. "I'm too big for this tub."

She nods dreamily, sitting back on her haunches, and giving me space to stand. "God, I think it's been a _week_ since we've made love in an actual bed," she chuckles, "Your car, the back of the front door, this bath…then the coffee table."

"Yeah, my knees are kind of getting sore," I quip.

"Maybe you should rest them then; let _you_ lie back for a while." She's running her tongue along the edge of her teeth, clicking her tongue in self-assurance. She knows how much is drives me wild to watch her move above me.

"Not tonight my sexy woman. Tonight, I'm laying you on _my_ bed."

We both get out quickly, Ness wraps a towel around her the way women do. Her breasts holding it up, the corner tucked securely in between her full and soft breasts. I wrap my towel around my waist, my turgid shaft shaping the terry-cloth like an arrow, pointing us right out the door to my room.

We blow out the half-dozen candles and I take her little hand in mine. Opening the door a crack, we listen for anyone in the hallway. I can hear the parents talking and laughing in the lounge room. Ha, I think to myself, they're playing Monopoly on the coffee table I _monopolized_ Ness on this afternoon. I can hear Esme calling gleefully to someone that she owns that Utility and that they owe her two hundred and twenty dollars. It sounds to me, that the coast is clear, so I pull Ness along, tiptoeing down the carpeted corridor and silently sipping into the currently empty room I formally shared with Emmett. The door clicks shut behind me as Ness turns on the table lamp.

I press the lock on the handle and turn to see Renesmee standing by the side table, playing with the edge of her towel. She's just standing there, acting all innocent, one foot just a little out, I think she calls it fourth position, she's so bendy, the milky skin of her inner thigh is peaking between the towel. The material forms an inverted V, just giving a peak of the apex of her soft curvy leg. I know what's under there, my fingers were fluttering through it only minutes ago, but knowing it's covered, and only getting imaginative glimpses as she sways her leg in and out, makes me want to uncover it all the more.

It takes me three strides to reach her. My arms tight around her waist, lifting her up and she wraps her legs around my middle.  
"Now," I rumble, my voice deep and gravely, "where were we."

"I think you said something about laying me on your bed."

"Yeah. Something like that." I lean forwards, dropping her onto my sheets from where I'm standing. She bounces a little as she lands, a little excited squeal escaping from her happy smile. The towel has fallen away some as she's landed, splitting further up her leg. I can just see the curve of her hips as it ripples towards her center, but I still can't see her warm heart of secrets. The line of definition from her impressive core strength is evident on her stomach, as too the side of her ribs as they heave with her excitement.

Her arms are flopped back, her hands resting by her head, waiting for me to unwrap her. Her eyes are shining in the dim room light, conveying all her love and trust and attraction as her eyes rake over me the same way I've just done to her. We're both a couple of pervs. But I wouldn't have it any other way. It turns me on thinking that my body might be turning her on too. I slink over, crawling across and kneeling between her legs, slowly lowering my body onto hers.

"You're so beautiful." My lips press into hers and she lifts her head up, just off the pillow for some added pressure.

Her hands find my shoulders, kneading and massaging their way over my back and down my arms. I'm in a kind of 'push up' position, on bent knees so that I don't crush her and it gives her direct access to my chest. Her fingers explore the line of my pecs, circling my nipples and playing with the dip between my shoulder and my chest, before tracing over the line of my sternum, above my heart and trembling down the corrugated leanness of my flat stomach.

Slowly she tickles down my abbs, a soft touch playing with the edge of the towel, my dick twitching as she glides over that flank muscle, that one that has a direct line to 'the big chief'— my spirit stick. Her fingers untuck the towel, bunching it up as her hands reach for me. Velvety palms gliding over the soft skin that's covering the rigidity.

I lean my weight on one arm, shifting to add some encouraging pressure from my hips into her palms as my fingers finding the edge of her towel, flicking between the pillowy line of her breasts and opening up my special present. I arch back a bit, leaning more weight between our hips, to pull the cover completely off her pink tipped swells.

I take her all in then, just admiring the perfect woman beneath me. Her beautiful face held with poise by her long graceful neck, defined and sinewy arms rolling out to strong, yet still feminine shoulders. I take a good look at her beautifully formed, naked, creamy breasts and I want to taste. Like a kid in a candy shop I find her little pink bonbons, flicking and tasting, sucking and drawing a heavenly moan from her lips.

"So fucking beautiful Ness," I whisper, lowering on to my elbows and using my hands to push her mounds together, nuzzling between them, burring my face in her aroused peaks. Her fingers comb through my hair, dragging her nails over my scalp and scraping over my shoulders. I tweak and pinch at her nipples, kissing each one before my tongue finds the underside of her breasts, sweeping the creamy rises, licking it like an ice cream, slowly spiraling up until I find the cherry on top. Drawing it in and sucking hard, her breath coming in soft little pants as I continue.

I love her so much, the feeling I get, deep in my chest from this intimacy, and the complete abandonment she allows me, I feel it into the very depths of my soul. Our souls are mingling as one.

"Oh Jake. More… More." I suck harder, my arm reaching between us, fingers parting between her folds. Rubbing small circles against her nub, her hips move in little thrusts against my fingers. She hisses, her hand reaching for my rock hard shaft, grabbing it and rolling it between her palms.

My dick surges further in her hand by her motions, her thumb circling over the head and wetting it with the pre-cum that's escaped. Two more stokes and I think I'm gunna cum for real, but I don't want this, not yet. I want to come deep inside Ness, her screaming my name as she milks me dry. I just need to get her singing before she can scream though. I pull back, my dick leaving her palm as I move, kissing my way down her chest, over her stomach and down to the nest of hair between her thighs. She keeps herself almost bare, a small landing strip to guide me in. I touch down smoothly, my tongue opening her up and supporting the choral hum of her purring engine.

"Oh god I love you," she moans, writhing and squirming as I serve myself her cherry pie up for desert.

I can hear her little pants getting closer and closer together, uncoordinated and erratic. Giving her clit one last good suck, I let it go with a loud smack, kissing the inside of her thigh as she pants, groaning and still completely _un_satisfied.

My body slinks over hers, my chest pressing on her soft skin as my face reaches hers, eyes staring deep into each other, hers glassy and senseless with lust, mine focused and determined. She _will_ know, without a shadow of a doubt, just how much I love her. By my words and my actions.

"I love you Nessie."

She nods, her mess of hair, tied back in a bun but now half falling out and in disarray bobbing with her head, "I love you, too, Jacob." Then she lifts her hips, a silent plea for us to keep going.

I line the tip of my shaft, running over her slick, lining up and slowly, gently, easing my way in, feeling the stretch and the way she accommodates me, her wet heat taking me, welcoming me, encouraging me to fill her. Ness's hands finds my ass, puling me to her and I thrust all the way in, her inner muscles already rippling around me. I set a constant pace, moving within her, climbing steadily to our summit.

Nessie's feet are flat on the bed, she's raising up to meet me, thrust for thrust her hips hit with mine. Her little clit getting pounded with each hit. We both find ourselves suddenly on the precipice of our climax; surging forwards and pounding together. In this position her height isn't an issue and our faces press together, cheek to cheek, her hot warm breath blowing at my shoulder.

My hips roll as they move, slamming into her, again and again. Nessie's fingers grip at the bed sheets, her back arching off, and her neck craning as ripples of ecstasy begin to flood through her. Her hand grasp at the pillow she lying on and she folds it over her face, letting out this muted shrill scream, her walls clamping down on me. She sounds too fucking good, she looks too amazing and feels even better. I drive home a few more thrusts, detonating in a jarring, pulsing climax. A few more moderate throws and I collapse in a jellied heap on top of her. Both of us panting for air, spent and entirely immersed in one another.

After a minute or two in that limbo state between unconsciousness and sentience, I push up little, surveying her face. It's relaxed but still quite flushed, her eyes are closed and her lashes sit just on her high cheekbones, her face is turned away from me and I can't help but notice what a beautiful profile she has. Her nose is cute, especially how it turns up a little at the end, her lips are full and pink and just slightly parted now as she still catches her breath. Sensing my scrutiny, she turns, facing me and opening her eyes.

"Hi," she whispers.

I laugh a little, as the simplicity of it all, the ease and the perfection of her, and of _us._ "Hi."

I bend down planning a quick kiss on her lips, before rolling of her, my still semi-hard cock pulling out. We shuffle around in the single bed, Ness making some room for me, I reach to the lamp and switch it off, bathing us in the private darkness of the evening. Then I sink back onto the bed, pulling the covers over our nakedness and press the front of my body against hers, my arm wrapping around her comfortably.

"That was so good Jake," her voice is quiet in the darkness. Nothing but our breathing, the steady pulse of her heart under me and the feeling of skin on skin to relax and arouse the senses.

I'm so at peace like this. We've rarely been able to actual fall asleep and spend an entire night in each other's arms before. I like it a lot. Like… for the rest of my life _a lot_. But I'll take one day at a time and take whatever I can get.

I'll take tonight.

"I am so in love you little woman," my nose burring in that sweet spot behind her ear, nuzzling and pulling her tiny frame closer to mine. Her legs winds back between mine, my heavy thigh capturing hers while our feet and toes press together. We are weaved and entwined together, like the treads of a tapestry. My story is woven with hers.

We fall asleep like this; wrapped in each other's embrace. The energy of our love flowing and ebbing between my soul and hers.

I can't imagine life getting any better than this.

* * *

I wake the next morning still wrapped around Nessie. She's turned in the night, her face buried into my chest, one hand under her head the other splayed across my stomach, her legs are bundled up and tucked up against my thighs. The room is hot and we've thrown the covers mostly off. A scrap of blanket covering our legs, the edge still draped over her ass.

She has such a pretty ass, I sit up a little, raised up on my elbow, my hand sliding over her silky skin and letting the sheet fall away. She stirs, turning on to her back, a dreamy, quiet sigh escaping in her sleep. I sit up a bit further, scooting down the bed a bit and positioning myself by her hip. I can't get enough of looking at her. My mental camera going off at top shutter speed. She really is a stunning woman. Even if I wasn't madly in love with the soul inside, her tits alone would keep me happy. But she's so much more, her face, her breast, her waist, her legs, her fine, _fine_ pussy. God that was good sex last night. Her legs are slightly spread the way that she's now lying. Her soft flesh peeking out between her thighs. I am a perv, I can't help it. It's unreasonable though, to expect any red blooded seventeen—almost eighteen— year old boy to not look at a beautiful woman lying naked, spread eagle in his bed. Eagles are sacred to my people after all.

Ness is sacred to me. I don't consider myself a religious man, but boy do I want to drink from her sacred cup again. Taste her holy water. Sip at her blessed fount. My holy grail.

Right, that's it; I've decided that if it was me, I'd like it very much if I was woken up to Ness sucking on my cock. Why wouldn't she love having a 6'4" hunk of man between her legs? I'm gunna make her feel like she's mighty loved. Like she's a sacred deity who is worshiped and adored.

So I shift again, slipping down the foot of the bed, and crawling up until my face is in line with her heat.

And I taste.

Probing and supping at her sweet nectar. Lapping at her folds. She tastes so good, salty and fragrant and a little sweet. My perfect meal, a great way to start the day. At first she's still asleep, making little satisfying noises from within whatever dream she's having. I hope it's about me. Then I can sense when she wakes, her hips move a little, lifting into my mouth. I look up the length of her body, to see her head lifted up off the pillow. She's watching me eat her out, her eyes still heavy with sleep, but now hooded with her arousal.

I break away from her pussy, "morning," I smile, that sexy as fuck, you want me to lick every inch of you smile. If she had any on, it would have had her dropping her panties too.

"Buenos días, mi amante," her Spanish is impeccable.

Looking at her watching me, I run my tongue up along her center, one long, full swipe, and her eyes roll in the back of her head as she throws it back on the pillow. "Madre Vergine," and so is her Italian.

I focus on her sweet honey pot, dipping and tasting, sucking on each little pink fold, my tongue playing with her stiff pearl. My fingers come up, and one goes in to her, deep and wet and holding me tight. I add another, curling up and pressing on her g-spot, and am rewarded by a sharp intake of air, Ness gasping and arching up. I love her pussy so much, I seriously could just live here all day. It's so wet and so beautiful and the sounds I can illicit from her when I go down is enough to bring me to my knees. My dick twitches with every moan and groan, her hips now moving of their own accord. I want to fuck her into the mattress and then through it, but I'm determined to send her into the rafters with my nothing more than my fingers and my tongue first. And it doesn't take me long. I feel a fresh burst of wetness, my fingers gliding in and out of her effortlessly, so I add a third as I flick her clit hard with my tongue. Ness lets out a loud moan, panting and calling out my Name.

"O fuck, Jake. Oh, Jacob. That's amazing, yes, yes. Yes!"

Her hips are off the bed, pressing my lips to hers, begging for more suction, a harder finger fuck, a broader tongue. So I give it to her, all that I can; until she's convulsing like she's been electrocuted, her body ridged and stiff as she's crying out in and uninhibited scream of satisfaction.

I give her a few more flicks of my tongue and she shivers a few more corresponding times before I pull my mouth away, wiping the quim off on the sheets.

_Now_ I can nail her to the mattress.

But just as I crawl my way up her body, lining my cock up at her warm entrance, my phone starts ringing. Fuck my life! I look up, straining to see the phone on the side table, my cock blocking sister's face flashing up on the screen. "It's just Rachel," I say, "I'll call her back later."

"You can answer it if you want,"

"Says the woman who's already come."

"Hey, who's to say I don't want to cum again?" Her hand coming down and guiding me into her depths as the ring tone ceases.

"Good point, let me see what I can do about that," my dick impaling her, balls deep into her slick wet heat as I speak.

"Hmgh," she moans, her hips meeting mine as she set up a healthy rhythm.

Her hands wind around my neck, pulling my lips down to hers, "you taste like me," she says, breathing into my mouth and licking herself off of my lips.

Oh yeah, that shit is like an accelerant for my dick. And I pound into her harder, putting my back into it, deeper and deeper. I kneel up, grabbing the other pillow and stuffing it under Ness's butt, lifting her up as she puts her legs over my shoulders, only the upper most part of her back on the bed. This position tilts her hips so that we both get rubbed in all the right places. She's almost upside-down and it's a fucking awesome view.

"Oh..," she breathes, a little hand holding the back of my leg, encouraging and guiding my movements.

She reaches up and starts rubbing her own clit. I stand corrected, _this_ is the best fucking view ever. Then we're both distracted as her phone vibrates with a message. Ness reaches for it as I still continue to fuck her. Talk about modern day multi-tasking. "Leave it," I say, my voice commanding and deep and I'd say pretty sexy cause she does as she's told, tucking the device under the pillow at her head.

"Keep rubbing yourself Ness, it's so fucking sexy."

So she does, little mewing sounds start as I thrust harder and harder, her free hand rises above her head and braces against the head board. My thrusting is pushing her higher and higher up. I like the idea of the power of my dick physically moving her as I touch her cervix. I can feel her second orgasm building as mine too races to its peak.

There is a knock at the door. I bet it's Emmett, back after a walk of shame. He can fuck off for another two minutes.

Another knock. We still both ignore it, all our focus on our almost reached climaxes. Ness rippling and starting to tentatively milk my schlong.

"Fuck off!" I call out to Emmett.

Again, another knock, "Jake. Jacob. It's me, Bella,"

Bella? I still for a moment, buried deep in Ness. What the fuck does _she_ want? "What?!" I call out, grabbing Renesmee by the hips and grunting out my rhythm, I don't want to call back from that ledge that we're so close to.

"Jake, my dad's on the phone, he wants to talk to you. Can you just open the door?"

Well that got my attention. I scrunch my face up, letting out a frustrated moan as I pull out of Ness and she shuffles off the extra pillow.

"Okay, just wait a sec," I holler. Then I put both hands on Ness, pressing her by the shoulders, back down on the bed saying quietly, "don't move, do not move an inch unless you're rubbing your clit. Understand?" she giggles, smiling and nodding, lying back and pulling the sheet over her and reaching for her phone.

I stand, looking for some clothes and find last night's discarded towel. I wrap it around me, tucking my erection into the top fold, and open the damn door. Bella and Edward are standing there, in their pajamas as Bells hands me her phone.

"Charlie?" I say, stepping back into the room a little and Bella and Edward follow, their eyes skimming over Ness, lying naked and scantily clad in the thin white sheet her shoulder bare in that typical, just had (or still having) sex look. A classic blush starts on Bella's cheeks, The Ed just looks uncomfortable. Not _my_ fault they came in.

"Jacob," says the chief, all business. "Jake, son, your dad's in the hospital, it's his heart. He's having a heart attack, and he's getting life-flighted to Seattle as we speak."

"What?" I stand in the middle of the room, my knees weak as I shift to sit heavily on the bed.

"Jake?" asks Ness, concerned and crawling over to me. Her arms soothing over my back.

"Hang on Charlie, I'm gunna put you on speaker phone."

He waits a few seconds before continuing. "They're taking him to UWMC, he's actually _still_ having his heart attack," at this there is a collective gasp in the bed room. "It's a good thing Rachel was home. She made the old buzzard go to the medical center, she called him an ambulance and the doctors here in Forks reckon that his best chance is if he goes straight for angiogram in Seattle." Ness is nodding like she agrees, they're mostly just big words to me though.

All I keep hearing is that dad's had a heart attack, and I'm miles away having a holiday. The guilt is creeping in fast.

Charlie keeps on talking, assuming I'm still listening, I kind of am, but I'm starting to feel a little numb to it all. "I'm gunna drive up with your sister and Sue in a little while. We can meet you somewhere if you need. Can you get down the sound, son?"

"Aaah," I don't know. How the fuck can I get to Seattle at this time of the morning? I came in Esme's car, Emmett drove us while the olds went in Carlisle's and Ed, Bella and Alice drove in Bella's new Reneau. The fucker bought her a new car for Christmas and they're gunna drive it back to the east coast after New Year.

"Charlie," says Edward, "Jacob and Nessie can drive Bella's car, they should be there in just over four hours."

"Oh. Hi Edward," he says, that relationship obviously still a little cool. "Good. Okay. Yeah, that'll be easier for him to just drive all the way there. Jake, answer you darn phone next time will ya? And call Rachel when you're on the road. She's not taking this too well."

Oh, and like I am? Ness knows it, she's hugging her arms around me; I can feel a wet tear on the side of my neck. "Okay, thanks Charlie. See you in a bit." My finger hovering over the end button.

"Okay, son. And Jake?'

"Yeah?"

"Drive safely you hear? No silly risks, no speeding on the ice. Be careful." Always the chief.

"I will."

I don't want any more broke hearts.

* * *

**So, yeah, Billy is having a heart attack and you're gunna have to wait a week to find out what happens.**

**Mwhahahahaha. I love this little thrill of power as writer!**

**Isn't Jake a good boy making Ness happy before himself?! What a way to wake up!**

**Thanks you Aretee, for you Beta on this chap.**

**And thank you and welcome to all the new readers and guest reviewers. I'd write back if I could, but you're not logged in, so I can't.**

**Okay, so, I'm feeling generous because I'm on 4 weeks leave from work… Maybe… just maybe, I'll let you find out about Billy prognosis a little sooner than a week. **

**But only IF you review, that is. **

**So review. It's that little rectangle space just below. As they say on Yo Gabba Gabba, "Try it, you might like it!"**

**Oh, and Happy Australia Day weekend to all the Ozzie's out there. Auzzie Auzzie Auzzie, Oi oi oi! **

**Longest A/N eva!**


	39. Chapter 39- Patch Quilt Hearts

**Last time on P &amp; C's…**

"**They're taking him to UWMC, he's actually still having his heart attack," at this there is a collective gasp in the bed room. "It's a good thing Rachel was home. She made the old buzzard go to the medical centre, she called him an ambulance and the doctors here in Forks reckon that his best chance is if he goes straight for angiogram in Seattle." Ness is nodding like she agrees, they're mostly just big words to me though.**

**All I keep hearing is that dad's had a heart attack, and I'm miles away having a holiday. The guilt is creeping in fast…**

…"**Charlie," says Edward, "Jacob and Nessie can drive Bella's car, they should be there in just over four hours."…**

… "**Okay, son. And Jake?'**

"**Yeah?"**

"**Drive safely you hear? No silly risks, no speeding on the ice. Be careful." Always the chief.**

"**I will." **

**I don't want any more broke hearts…**

* * *

**Chapter 39- Patch quilt Heart**

I'm woken suddenly by the loud boom-boom of explosions. They seem to be coming from right outside our window, red and yellow illuminating the expansive glass that we forgot to curtain. The mattress shifts and I can feel Ness roll over towards me, where I'm lying on the edge, facing the window. Her little fists are curled up under her chin as she snuggles up, her forehead pressing against my back.

"Happy New Year," she says sleepily, kissing between my shoulder blades. We didn't bother waiting up for midnight. Leah and Sam asked us to come with them to a UW party they're going to, Ness thought it might do us some good to just escape the strain of the hospital for a night, but we're taking dad home tomorrow and I didn't want a late night; Rachel's gone with them though.

I roll over, the explosions still sounding around us, and bring Nessie into me, holding her tiny body against mine. She may be small and petite, but there is nothing _fragile_ about her; she has been my rock these last three days.

"Happy New Year, beautiful," I say back. Her eyes are searching mine in the darkness, a little frown of worry between her brows. Even _I_ can hear the fatigue in my voice, so I cover her worried pout with a kiss; ringing in the New Year wrapped around my soul mate, in the 6th floor of the Seattle Courtyard Marriott.

We arrived at the university medical centre before lunch last Friday. The drive down from Canada was long and worrying, I managed to get a hold of Rach on the journey, not finding out any more from her than what I'd been told already by Charlie. By the time Ness and I arrived at the hospital and found the Cardiac ward, dad was already out of the procedure he'd been urgently choppered into the city for. A tiny balloon had been inserted into his heart to unblock three of the larger blood vessels that were over 90% clogged. I now know from Dr Cullen, that the sort of heart attack he had... it should have killed him… but it didn't. The sprits were with him that day.

We entered into dad's coronary care room to find Rachel, Aunty Sue, and Charlie already sitting around his bedside. I don't know what I expected, I suppose I expected dad to be unconscious; lying with tubes hanging out of every orifice, monitors beeping as the machines kept him alive. But he wasn't. When we arrived, I found him very much conscious, eating a sandwich, semi-reclined in this bed. He was a little pale I guess, with dark circles under his eyes, his long hair was definitely a fucking mess, but he was very much alive and kicking… and the normal smart ass I always expect him to be.

There were a _few_ tubes; a drip hung on a stand next to the bed flowing into this arm and a freaking _gross_ urine bag hanging off the bottom of his gurney. The greenish screen of the monitor next to him showed the stepping line of the constant but irregular beating of his heart, but it was all without the distracting beep-beeping you hear on TV hospital dramas.

"'Bout time you got here son," he'd said to me, that devilish grin I inherited off him one of most relieving sights I've ever seen.

"Sheesh dad, it's not like I dropped everything and sped on down here. I had to finish my cognac and caviar first." It had been and ongoing joke between the two of us that I was gunna start enjoying the finer things in life after hanging around Ness's wealthy family- Like Bella had. But it isn't like that. Ness is just… worldly. She's ready to experience all that life has to offer her. And so am I. I want to take it all with both hands and see where it takes me. Guide my destiny a little and not let my past define me.

"So," he says from his bed, that universally hospital green gown draped over his shoulders as he takes another bite of his meal, "there's a reason why that Gaviscon didn't work, 'ey?"

I had let out a relived chuckle, stepping closer to his bed, "things are gunna have to change dad."

"Sure, sure Jake. I know, I've had enough lectures from your sister already." His eyes moving over to Rachel where she was sitting tense, on a chair.

"It's only because she loves you. We all do." Taking that last step and getting a hold of my father. Pressing him against me, shuddering with the comprehension that I hadn't become an orphan that morning… a least not yet. "Love you dad."

* * *

"Kiss me Jake," came a sweet voice, bringing me from my memories. "It's been days."

It has been days. We'd just not found the mood right. Between the worry, the long days and the lack of privacy from having had to share this hotel room with Rachael, the big chief was unsated. Sue and Charlie were staying on a fold out couch at Leah and Sam's. Yes, sharing a bed. Aunty Sue and Charlie; who knew?

With dad's steady recovery and impending discharge, they had left to return to Forks earlier today—I mean _yesterday—_the last of the space needle fireworks still exploding outside, and Rachel has gone to stay at Leah's little one bed apartment after the New year party instead. The twins and Lee-Lee had always been so close growing up, it was only that college and adulthood had seemed to get in their way. It's good to know that family and tribe still come together in times of need.

That first evening, after a day of driving and sitting at my father's bedside, Ness got a call from her father, letting her know that he had booked us a suite in a downtown hotel, it was all taken care of. He and Carlisle have been in communication with dad's specialists this whole time, offering to us their knowledge to use as a sounding board if need be also. Their generosity had been a little overwhelming; and yet, exceptionally heart-warming. I'm thankful beyond words.

I feel Nessie's warm little fingers molding around my jaw, my own hands finding the soft line of her leg as she lies on her side towards me. She's slept in a pair of boy leg shorts and a thin cotton tank, my hands finding the skin on her waist as the top rides up a bit.

"It's going to be okay Jake," her hands brushing the hair off my face as she stares intently at me through the shadows.

"It not Ness. It's gunna be so much harder now. He's too weak to even lift himself out of his chair."

"He'll get stronger baby. You're gunna get more help now. We'll do it together. Maybe Rachel can come home more often?"

I scoff at this comment. I love my sister. And she obviously still loves us, she's been worried sick about our dad this whole time. Worried to the point that she's actually been pretty useless. Once again the onus falling on me to hold down the fort. But she's not gunna move home any time soon. Mom's memory still haunts her too much to stay. And let's not even talk about Becca, she's not returned home once in the three years since she got married and escaped the Res.

"Naw Ness, it's just me and dad, stuck in our shitty red shack," my voice bitter and sardonic in the midnight darkness.

I can hear Renesmee huff and then shift on her pillow, "Jacob Black, you stop this right now," she chides, lifting up on one arm and looking over me, her hair falling over my face. "It's not just you and him. You have the whole community, your aunty Sue will help you— you know she will; Chief Swan; Quill and Embry's moms.; _I'll_ help you; I'm pretty sure Uncle Carlisle will even be his personal physician. You are not alone in this. You hear me?" she's silent for a beat.

She's not waiting for an answer, just letting me _hear_ all she's saying. "You father is alive Jacob. Be happy. I know his rehab will be hard. I know he leans on you a lot. But you're capable of it. You're capable of whatever burdens life loads on you Jacob. You're stronger than you know my sweet man," her soft smile starting, her eyes glistening in the reflecting city lights. Then she presses up against me, soft and warm and my pillar of strength. Ness really does lift me up, she give me the confidence to keep on keeping on, to fight, and be the person I want to be.

"You're beautiful," I say like I've just remembered this exceptionally obvious fact.

"And you're strong."

"Thank you Ness." She looks as me, an unsaid question in her eyes. "For giving me a mental slap," I explain.

She laughs a little, reaching down and pecking me quickly on the lips. "That's what a girlfriend does… she mentally slaps her boy silly when he doesn't believe in himself."

"Hmmm, slapping's kind of like spanking right? I wonder… Can I spank _you_? Like… not mentally, like...on the ass?" I smirk, my direction and focus now well off my inner doubt.

I can feel the mood in the room tangibly shift as she sit's up, moving until her tight little hot pants are pressing over my boxers, a sultry smirk on her lips with one eye brow arched up like the sex vixen she is.

"You want to be a little rough, do you?" her seductive voice drifting in the still hotel room as she lifts her shirt off and over her head. "Get a little of you frustrations out?" Her hips circle over mine, soft warmth gliding over solid heat. Then she leans forward, her supple breast sliding up my chest as her lips glide over my throat, stopping at my ear. "_Fuck_ all the worry out."

It has been _days_.

In no more than a beating of our hearts I've flipped her over, laying her back on the bed, my lips crashing onto hers.

"God, I love you."

* * *

.

* * *

The four hour drive back to La Push was, thankfully, uneventful. Dad dozed in the back seat, for most of the drive while Rachel kept a close eye on him. As much as I often hate the little cottage my parents made into a home, I _was_ glad to be back. Back to my home. There is a restorative energy that being back on home soil brings. I hope my father can benefit from the energy of being surrounded by our ancestors.

After settling dad in, putting in a load of washing and eating the lunch that Mrs Ateara brought over, Ness and I headed back to her place. I wanted to return Bella's new car. I _am_ grateful to Edward and Bella for letting us use it. I am. But I still wanted to return it ASAP. I don't like being indebted to anyone… particularly _them_.

I filled up the car with gas and left a box of gas-station bought chocolate covered cherries on the passenger seat. A silent thank you for their support. I've decided that life's too short to hold grudges.

We walk in to the house to see the entire family sitting down to lunch. Marie is up out of her seat and insisting we come and eat before we even have our jackets off. Ness whining that we've already eaten. But I don't mind, I'm always hungry— there's nothing like a Thai green curry for your second lunch.

The banter is easy, fun and teasing and so much lighter than the last few days have been. It's good to escape and forget my life for a few hours.

"So," Ness pipes in, directing her words to Bella, as Emmett and I finish off the last of the coconut rice. "Your dad and Sue Clearwater hey?"

"What?" chokes Bella, shocked and, quite obviously, _not_ in the loop either.

"Oh yeah. Apparently they've been seeing each other for a few months now."

"What?" gawps Bella again. Ness is having way too much fun.

"You really should call your dad more often Bells," I cut in.

"And you, yours," adds Carlisle to his son. The Ed must be a little too wrapped up their East coast love bubble as well.

"Well,_ I'm_ a good son," interjects Emmett with his mouth full, "I always call you after your Thursday night Pump class, don't I mommy?" a shit eating grin directed at his younger, wirier brother.

"You're such a suck ass mommies boy, _Emit,_" mocks Ali, shoving her brother with all her might and not hardly moving him. I have no idea how those two can be related, there is over a foot of height between them. It's a fitting nickname though. After a sharing a room with the guy for three days I know, first hand, just how much Emmett, _emits._

"Alice, language," scolds Esme, "and yes, Emmie, you call me every week," she's says patting him on the hand placating him and he knows it. He was totally reveling in his mother's affections. The grizzly of a man really is just a giant teddy bear. I mean, you should see him with that cat; stroking it and cuddling it. Carlisle revealed Christmas day that he'd originally bought Rosie as a gift for Edward, to get the even then, sullen eight year old to show some affection. But he never took to the animal, and Emmett adopted her as his own. She's a different cat around the big softy, she doesn't scratch the shit out of _his_ arm.

Un like me. I look down to my arm, the rolled up sleeves of my plad button down revealing my virtually hairless forearms. The best thing about being Indian is my tan, even in the depths of winter, my skin is always even, and dark, but behind the brown, I can still see the marks that the wicked cat left. My scratches are _still_ healing.

"Hey Jake, you guys wanna come with us tonight? We're going bowling in Port Angeles. Should be gooood," Emmett singsongs, trying to entice.

A night out sounds good. But… dad. "Better not Emmett," I say apologetically, "We only got dad home today, my sister doesn't know how to give him he's insulin and stuff."

I just see the tail end of Ness's shoulder slump and sigh.

"But you go with them Ness. Bowl a strike for me."

By the saddened look in her eye, I know that's not the reply she wanted from me. But I can't go all the way to PA, it's too far from dad. I know she understands. It's just that I have to reprioritize how I spend my almost non-existent spare time for a little while.

I hope it's not for too long.

* * *

The last few days of our Christmas break are spent mostly at my house. There's been a pretty constant flow of visitors this week. When the unofficial chief and the tribe's council chairman almost kicks the bucket, people take notice. The trouble with all the callers, though, is they all say yes to a coffee, every one brings something to eat, and of course it's the polite thing to serve it. So now, we have a sink full of dirty coffee cups, about three different cakes in varying degrees of consumption on the counter, and a fridge and freezer full of casseroles and lasagne.

Rachel is helping, but she doesn't know where half of our stuff goes or how dad likes things done; and there's no point in her learning, she's driving back to Michigan today.

In fact, every one's either leaving or has already left: Bella and Edward set off the day after we got back from Seattle; Alice and Emmett on Wednesday; and Ness's parents left to go back to Qatar yesterday. Ness was pretty sad when she came over after dinner last night. It made me sad seeing her like that, and we just sat in my room and I held her while she cried and we ate the brownies Embry's mom had brought. Last night was one great big sop fest. And no sexy-times on the horizon, at all.

Before they left though, her mom and dad and her uncle Carlisle came to say good bye and I guess to just visit my dad. Carlisle has taken on the role of dad's doctor. The PA at the res medical clinic is great, but my dad just has too many other complicating health issues. He needs an experienced doctor like Dr Cullen. He already adjusted my dad's insulin, his numbers are still a bit off and it's gunna take some more adjusting. The doctor's sent off the government forms to get us in some help a couple times a week; someone to help me shower him, someone who will clean the house once a week and the mobile nurse is going to come daily to dress the ulcer on his foot. The ulcer that I didn't anything know about…

He kept the damn thing covered, I had no idea is was that bad. I just didn't know.

And I guess, that's the crux of the situation, I don't know… I do not know what the fuck I'm doing. As much as I'm trying, I'm a kid. I can play grownup up all I like, but I'm still only 17, I'm still in high school. I've been running the house and looking after my old man for the past three and a half years.

No one knows how much he leans on me.

I'm hopeful things are gunna change now though. My aunty Sue is sure making her presence known. She rocked up with Seth in tow this morning, with a few big bags of groceries, mostly fruits and veggies. I tried to give her some money from the stash dad keeps in an old margarine container in the freezer, but she wouldn't take it.

Me and Seth did some pitching practice in the front yard, we're both starting on the baseball teams next month. Strong throwing arms and all. It was good to get out of the house, just shooting the breeze with my little brother form another mother, noting but light banter and the leather smack of ball into mitt. It was good to stretch my arms and legs, even if it was in the rain, and even if it was only for fifteen minutes. I only got fifteen minutes before Sue had called me inside in a panic. My dad had started to get all disoriented, confused and drenched in his own sweat, his blood sugars dropping too low. I gave him a jellybean… brought his sugar up… we still can't get this insulin dose right. Welcome to the world of a poorly controlled diabetic.

My world.

Quil and Embry showed up yesterday too. They came, telling tales of an epic New year's party at Lahote's house, that tin of Mrs. Calls exceptional chocolate brownies in hand, and a plea for me to go down to the community centre to shoot some hoops with them. In return, I explained to them that I had a _much_ better 'spank' party on New Year's Eve with just me and Ness and a hotel room, we hid in my room and ate most of the brownies – the rest of them, me and Ness finished off last night, and I didn't go with them to shoot hoops… I can't leave dad…

After his hypo earlier that morning he wasn't looking too hot come lunch time so I helped him to bed for a nap. I told my boys to score some three pointers for me. I think they understood. I hope they know I'm not dissing them. I just have to re-prioritise for a little while.

I'm scared it might be forever.

Charlie came over that afternoon, dad was still asleep, so Bella's dad and I just sat and watched some sports while Rachel went out to visit some friend of hers. I think she's secretly seeing someone on the res… A winter fling. Probably a chick. Doesn't mean she's coming home to stay any time soon though.

When the old man woke up I got dad into his chair and Charlie then helped me get him into his recliner in the living room. It was a little awkward since the chief doesn't know the way we normally do it, but it was undeniably easier having a second pair of hands.

Everyone _is_ helping in their own way.

Especially Ness. She has been freakin' _amazing_. Magically washing all those coffee cups that end up in the sink. Cooking up some veggies to go with the lasagne in the fridge. And then washing up the dinner plates too, before putting them all away while Rachel helps me give dad his night time meds and make sure he's comfortable for the night.

This is my life. It's just how it's always been— only now my life is on 'roids.

It's starting to feel like we have a child. A weak, ulcerated, bed bound, 51 year old child. And once he's asleep, Ness goes home, I collapse on the couch exhausted, and watch the first half of the late move before falling asleep in front of the TV.

Not how I expected to spend the last few days of my Christmas break.

* * *

.

* * *

"Bye little bro," she says, squeezing my cheeks way too hard and taking way too long to leave. Dad, Ness and I have been out here in the freezing cold for the last twenty minutes while my sister says good bye, and good bye, and good bye, again.

"Rachel, just go before we all freeze our asses off."

Dad looks up at me form his chair, "at least I won't be able to feel it falling off." Always the joker I think, rolling my eyes at the cripple.

Rachel doesn't catch the joke, just focusing on the reality of her departure. "Yeah, okay. You go back inside dad. Oh god," she starts to panic, "should you have even come out here dad!"

Ness steps up to Rachel, a calming hand on her arm. "It's okay Rach, he's got a big jacket on, it's only been a few minutes, the fresh air is good for him," always the optimist.

But Nessie's touch _is_ calming, my sister sucking in a frigid breath and leaning in for one last kiss on Nessie's wintry pink cheek. "You look after my two boys for me Ness," she whispers. But I can still hear her.

"Promise, I will," she whispers back.

"Okay," nods Rachel, stepping away and moving to her car and opening the door, starting it up while still standing from the outside. "Bye," she waves back at us, then rushes back to give dad one final hug. "Love you daddy. Be good, promise you'll do what the doctors tell you."

"I will white daisy, I will."

Dad has always called the twins 'white' and 'yellow daisy'. I don't know, I think it's some traditional tribal thing. Maybe if it was three hundred years ago and we were still living in long houses, my name would really be 'Red wolf' and not Jacob. But thank fuck mom and dad named us in the twenty first century.

"And be good for Jacob too."

"Yes! Enough Rachel, you go now; drive safely sweetheart, call us when you get in to the hotel," he says, flicking his hands in her direction.

"Okay dad. I will, bye," she says, her tears threatening as she climbs into her car and rolls the window down. "Bye!" she calls, rolling off, and away. Out of this one horse town.

It's just me and dad again...

And Ness.

.

We watch Rachel's car drive around the corner, it's quiet for a few seconds, then the wind starts blowing around us, the leaves at our feet swirling and I swear the temperature just dropped a few degrees.

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I'm gunna make some nice warm tea. How about I make you some of that green tea Sue brought, okay Billy?" she asks, standing behind him and leaning over his chair releasing the breaks.

"All right honey," he says, patting her one the hand over his shoulder. "Green tea me up."

We go inside, and I help dad take off his jacket and to move over to his recliner while Ness puts the kettle on. I pull a blanket off the back of the couch, it's one of those crocheted, patch work quilt type of knitted blankets, it seems fitting for dad to have one over his non-functioning legs… an invalid blanket.

I'm tucking the cover under his legs, making sure his heels aren't on any hard surfaces, just like the nurse showed me, when I feel his strong hand on my shoulder. "Son."

I freeze, looking up at him. His long straight hair falling over his collar and beyond. His jaw strong and proud. His dark eyes full of wisdom and depth… A glimpse of the man who raised me looking back at me. "Thank you, son. I know this is hard for you. But… I want you to know that everything you do, everything you're doing... it doesn't go unnoticed. I see it and I'm thankful. I'm a lucky man to have a child like you, Jake. Blessed." His hand comes up, cupping over the side of my neck, gripping me on the cheek and holding my gaze with his.

"No worries dad." My throat tight with emotion as I stare right back at him, suddenly a whole lot of the resentment and burden I'd been feeling, washing out of me.

"I really do love you son. It's not easy to watch myself be this weak. It's not easy to sit back, feeble and useless while your teenaged child carries you to the bathroom. I know this can't be easy for you either. I want you and Ness to go out tomorrow. Do normal things, go to the movies or something. Don't sit around here like a couple of middle aged nurses."

I shrug, shaking my head a little, "Ness has drill practice." I'm being a defeatist pouting little girl.

"Well then, go to the game. Watch her at half time. Then take her out somewhere after." His eyes earnest and compelling.

I feel a small hand snake around my middle. "Yes Jacob, take Renesmee out somewhere," she says, her vice quiet and entreating as she hands dad his cup of herbal tea.

"Thanks sweetie," he says to her, winking and nodding as if they've just managed to conspire to get me do something I don't want to do.

"You two are impossible," I smile, as Nessie ducks back into the kitchen bring back two more steaming mugs. "You're ganging up on me."

"Would it be so bad to go out after the game?" she asks me, sitting down with her own cup, holding up a coffee for me. She knows I don't do that herbal stuff.

"No," I concede, "it's not that. I just don't need my old man telling me I need to take my girlfriend out on a date. No offence dad, but if I have to take dating advice from you, then I think I'm done for."

'"Oh no, _no_ offence taken what so ever Jake. _None,_" he scoffs, chuckling to himself and sipping his drink. "I may be an old cripple, son, but I took your mother on a good date or two back in the day, don't you worry about it."

Oh my god, I so don't want to think about mom and dad making out in the back of whatever ancient car he had back then.

"Did you know Sarah all your life?" Ness asks him. She's fascinated by people's stories, I think it's part of the reason she has so many people who love her—she asks them questions about themselves. People love reminiscing about themselves… my father included.

He nods, "she and Sue were inseparable in junior high. Four, Harry and I used to tease them to no end."

"Four?"

"Quil's dad," I say, "he, his dad, and his grandpa are all Quil's, it's very original," I deadpan.

She nods in easy understanding, suppressing a chuckle and turning back to dad, "Did you date in high school?"

"Oh Lord no, she was all wrapped up in Ricky Lahote."

"Lahote, as in, Paul Lahote's dad!" I screech. Oh my god. Paul can never ever find out about this, he will show no mercy in his tormenting if he does. "I thought _you_ took mom to prom?" My voice is a little shrill, this kind of shit can't just get dropped on a guy. All of my preconceived ideas and ideals are warped by this news.

"Keep your knickers on son," he laughs at me, "You mother and I did go to prom together. Ricky was a two timing son of a bitch, they broke up when she found out. But it was only a few days before prom; Harry and Sue were going and the four of us decided to go as group."

He's eyes take on a little sparkle as he reminisces, his smile sure with the love they ended up having, and with fondness of that memory. "She was so stunning in this long, shiny sea green dress. Thin little straps" dad sighs, his hands motioning to his own shoulders, "and a side slit that, oh son… it revealed just a little bit of her thigh when she walked. So beautiful you mother was," he says over to me. "And…" a sparkle in his devil eyes, "and the rest, as they say… is history."

I look over to my dad. I'm not sure what exactly it is that I'm supposed to read between those lines. Is he saying he _deflowered _my mother prom night? Oh god. I don't want to know that! But I push down my need to run from the room and clean my ears out with bleach. Dad looks so happy, almost healthy for a moment, his awareness back somewhere in his past. Back when his legs were strong and his heart was whole. Back when my mother was alive.

"So beautiful," he whispers again to himself, his eyes closing as a contented smile honors his face.

.

We're all quiet for a moment, each one of us off somewhere in our own memories. I wonder what my mom would be like if she were alive today. How would our lives be different? I'd bet my left nut dad wouldn't be recovering from massive heart attack and stuck in wheel chair because of his uncontrolled diabetes, that's for sure. I'd love to know what she's say about Nessie. I'm sure she'd love her; everyone loves her. It's a shame Ness will never get the chance to meet her. It's a shame _I'll_ never get to really know her either, at least not as an adult.

Things would be so much easier if mom was still here.

"Nessie, sweetheart," dad's voice pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah Billy," she sniffles, wiping her damp cheek on her sleeve.

"I want to show you something. Would you go over to the cabinet?" dad asks, and Ness pushes up off the sofa, moving to the display cabinet next to the TV. "It's a video. I think it's on the bottom shelf, on the left," he directs and Ness rummages through some old cartoon videocassette, my old Nintendo I got for my seventh birthday and a punch bowl. She looks so hot bending down like that. She's just got on a pair of jeans and a Henley, her favourite white converse, and her hair up in her signature bun. But her ass is so good in those jeans, one of the buttons on her shirt is open and I can see the top of her boobs, and her neck is so long and delicate with her hair up like that, little stray curls framing her face.

"This one?" she asks, holding up an old faded cardboard cream case.

Dad nods and picks up the remote control, turning on the TV and changing it to the video player.

Ness pushes the cassette in to the player, the soft clicking as the ancient machine draws it in and Ness scuttles over to sit with me on the sofa. Snuggling in to my side, her legs folded up under her and my arm folds over her, pulling her close.

It doesn't take long for the video to start playing; I don't remember ever seeing this footage before.

My mother is in a pair of white wash denim jeans and a hyper-color t-shirt, sitting out in our back yard, resting on that same damn rug I've just tucked in around my father's useless legs.

Her long hair is loose and straight and almost touching the rug as she leans toward an older baby sitting up on the rug next to her. He's got glossy black hair like his mother, only it just comes to his collar, chubby bronze skin and happy dark eyes while he chews on a baby biscuit. Me.

Two little girls come running over, long ponytails flowing behind them. They're both in denim overalls, bedazzled with jewels and sparkles, matching florescent pink t-shirts underneath, laughing as they kneel around me. They look identical, but as always, _I_ can tell them apart. Rebecca takes the biscuit off of me and starts to try and feed me herself, then Rachel snatches it off of Bec. I start crying and mom gently scolds them both, giving me back my sloppy rusk.

I can hear dad behind the camera and, distracted by him calling, we all start waving at him. The shot moves and we can see dad's torso as he must place the camera on a table or something. Then I see something I haven't seen in years, my father standing upright. He jogs over to us all on the rug and scoops me up, and plonks me on his lap, leaning back as he wraps one arm around my mother. The twins are still waving and now their running over towards the camera. All we can see by this time is the bedazzled bib of a five year olds overalls as they appear to play with the camera. You can just see a glimpse of the scene behind, my father quickly handing me off to mom, jumping up as he calls for the girls to leave the camera alone. Then the shot suddenly spirals down, jarring as it must land in the grass beneath. An off kilter diagonal shot of my mother and me, on the rug, a giggling baby as she blows raspberries on my cheek.

Ness, cuddled up on the couch next to me, gives me a tight squeeze around the chest. Her face pressing against my pounding heart. You never know how much time you have with someone. I never got enough time. My chest a little tight at having been cheated out of so much of that time.

I kiss the top of Nessie's head, filing up my lungs with her exotic, spiced vanilla sent. She looks up at me, her eyes, happy and content yet I can see the heartbreak she has in there for me too. "I love you," she whispers, smiling softly, her lips just parting.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. And Ness, my life, is right here, waiting to be enjoyed. I have to re-prioritize my time.

"Love you too." I wink affectionately at her, bending down and kissing her cherry tasting lips, "Let's go somewhere special tomorrow night."

"Best idea you've had all day."

* * *

**So Billy's still alive. I'm sure a few of you will have been relived to read that. **

**Thanks for all the lovely comments folks, I normally PM every one back, but life got in the way and I thought you'd prefer a new chapter instead. So this is me saying thanks for the reviews. And when I say life, I mean my youngest had his first day of school this week. And mummy didn't take it all that well.**

**Thank you Aretee for being my Beta and my friend.**

**Sarah, I hope that last chapter, and this one for that matter, didn't dredge up to much for you.**

* * *

**FYI- I've been conjuring a Jake/Ness human One-shot this week and I'll be posting it soon. So if you think you might want to read it, Follow or Favorite me as an Author. And then while you're there, review this chap too!**


	40. Chapter 40 -Italian, Spanish and French

**Last Time on P &amp; C's;…**

**I'm tucking the cover under his legs, making sure his heels aren't on any hard surfaces, like the nurse showed me, when I feel his strong hand on my shoulder. "Son."…**

"**I really do love you son. It's not easy to watch myself be this weak. It's not easy to sit back, feeble and useless while your teenaged child carries you to the bathroom. I know this can't be easy for you either. I want you and Ness to go out tomorrow. Do normal things, go to the movies or something. Don't sit around here like a couple of middle aged nurses."**

**I shrug, shaking my head a little, "Ness has drill practice." I'm being a defeatist pouting little girl. **

"**Well then, go to the game. Watch her at half time. Then take her out somewhere after." His eyes earnest and compelling….**

…**Ness, cuddled up on the couch next to me, gives me a tight squeeze around the chest. Her face pressing against my pounding heart. You never know how much time you have with someone. I never got enough time. My chest a little tight at having been cheated out of so much of that time [with my mother].**

**I kiss the top of Nessie's head, filing up my lungs with her exotic, spiced vanilla sent. She looks up at me, her eyes, happy and content yet I can see the heartbreak she has in there for me too. "I love you," she whispers, smiling softly, her lips just parting.**

**Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. And Ness, my life, is right here, waiting to be enjoyed. I have to re-prioritize my time.**

"**Love you too." I wink affectionately at her, bending down and kissing her cherry tasting lips, "Let's go somewhere special tomorrow night."**

"**Best idea you've had all day."**

* * *

**There is some Italian dialogue in this Chapter. Translations will be at the end.**

* * *

**Chapter 40 – Italian, Spanish and **_**French- The romance languages.**_

School has been back for a few weeks, we're now into our fifth week of the last semester of our high school life.

I pull into the Cullen's drive way to see Esmee's black Merc reversing out the garage. The wipers going on automatically the second it senses the rain. It's a typical shitty rainy day in Forks. When is it ever not raining? The wipers are a good feature to have on a car in this fucked up neck of the wood.

Her car pulls up parallel to mine, her black tinted window rolling down.

"Morning Mrs. C." I call through my half open window –because that's as far down as the piece of shit mechanism will let it go.

"Good morning Jake. You're early today," she smiles. It's not an accusation, it's just an observation with a hint of caring inquiry. I think the old girl has a soft spot for me.

I've been at their place every day this week. Either to pick Ness up before school or to stay for dinner on the alternating days. I have my own spot at the table.

I shrug, rolling my eyes light heartily, "Yeah, dad woke me up by accident, so I thought I may as well come a little earlier."

The truth is, he had another god damn diabetic hypo and was flailing around, semi-conscious, in his bed. I heard his head thrashing against the head board and by the time I got in there, he'd managed to give himself a black eye and piss the bed. What a fucking excellent way to wake up on a Monday morning.

So after giving him a shot of glucose, calling Mrs. Clearwater for a hand, putting the sheets in the wash and helping him out of the shower, I just wanted to get the hell out of there. To get the fuck away while I could. He's diabetes is not getting any better, they're happening more frequently and between this and his heart, I'm seriously doubting weather I can even leave him to go to college, even in _Seattle_, now.

And the thought of that is taking its toll. It feels so fucking unfair. And my chest hurts at having my choices taken away from me. It's easy to slip into a dark place. So after I made dad an appointment at the Clinic, all I could think about was getting here. About having Ness's arms around me. Have her light my life back up. And seeing as I am so early, we have plenty of time before we have to leave for school. She can light me up as I make her smolder for the Big Chief.

"I think Ness is still getting ready," the perfectly groomed and perfectly sweet lady says. "Oh, and Jake I made some cinnamon rolls this morning. They're under the cloth on the counter. Take a couple. Carlisle had to leave the house before they were cooked. You may as well eat them," she winks, her face kind and motherly.

I smile, "Thanks Esmee." There wasn't enough bread to make myself toast at my house this morning. I gave my dad the last slice after his attack. Cinnamon buns sound good.

"Have a good day, sweetie," she calls, her window starting to wind up as she rolls off.

"Bye," I say. Then I remember, "Oh, hey! Mrs C!" I call. The car stops about a full length from mine and the window comes back down. I knock my head tying to look out the half open window and back at the other car. So with a sigh and both hands to stiffly roll mine up, I get out of the car. The rain is still insistent, not a downpour but enough to make life miserable. So, with the hood of my jacket over my head I lean over to her window. "I wanted to ask you if it would be okay if I took Ness away for the weekend next month?"

She's still and quiet for a moment. I can practically see the pros and cons list running through her mind. Without a second thought I go into salvage mode. Scrambling to think up things that might get her to agree. "I asked my dad and he said it was okay. I was thinking we might go up to Seattle and do a freshman tour of Washington. I'll make sure you know exactly where we're staying. It'll probably be with a family friend, do you know Sue Clearwater? Her daughter Leah goes to U Dub."

I don't know if that will make a difference. I know she worries about Ness. Both her uncle and aunt are a little more protective of her than I remember them being of Alice. Maybe that's because she's not their actual child. I kind of feel bad about lying though. There are guided campus tours we can book into—not that it matters because seriously doubting weather I'm gunna be able to go any more the way dad's been going. But it's not the primary reason I want to get her away for a few days. I just want a night alone with my girlfriend. And also… that week is the one year anniversary of Angelus' birth…

And death.

"I'll have to talk to Carlisle. But I think that should be okay."

I nod, taking what I can for the time being. "Okay, yeah sure, it's not until March anyway."

"Okay. Go, get out of this rain Jake," she says, her sing song voice muted by the drizzle. "I'm making a seafood paella tonight if you'd like to come around?"

I have no idea what Paella is, but I've never had anything bad from the kitchen of this woman. And I'm sure as shit positive it'll be better than anything I could have made from the scraps in our fridge. "Sure. I don't think we have anything going on."'

"Ok. I'd better go. These house inspections don't happen on their own." She gives me a small manicured wave before the window rolls up once again and I trot behind the retreating vehicle to the porch.

With a quick knock as I open the front door, I call out to Ness, "Hey babe, I'm early." Stepping into the quiet house and hanging the wet jacket on a hook by the door, the smell of the fresh baked buns hits my senses, making my mouth water. I can hear her talking in her room but I get no answer from her. Even the muffled sound of her indirect voice sets my stomach a flutter. I'm a little lighter already. Swinging by the kitchen, I grab two rolls and head for her room.

Their just as delicious as they smell.

Some days, I really miss my mom.

Ness's door is half ajar and I can hear her taking heatedly from the room. It's in Italian. I've never heard her really talk in Italian. It's pretty hot.

With a mouth full of sweet cake, I step into the room to see her sitting cross legged on her bed, her back to me, her earphone plugged into the laptop on top of the covers as she gesticulates wildly at a young dark haired GQ model on the screen.

"_Che vuol dire hai rotto? Ho pensato che si stavano progettando di di sposarsi_?" she says, confusion and irritation lacing her sexy as fuck accented words.

The guy—I'm assuming it's Luca— he's answering her back, but with the earphone plugged in, I can't hear what he's saying, not that I could understand it if I could hear. She shakes her head at him, huffing her disapproval at whatever he's said. She still has no idea I'm standing right behind her as I take another bite of the cinnamon bun. They're really good.

I see the guy on the screen look up at me as he talks and Ness turns abruptly, looking over her shoulder to me.

"Jake! Shit! You're early," she says, beaming her beautiful smile at me. "Sorry," she apologizes, taking the ear buds out and kneeling up on the mattress, arms wide open for me to fall into as she completely ignores the man on the screen. "I didn't hear you come in." Our lips meeting briefly in a light and easy good morning kiss. Her face then settling into the cook of my neck, nuzzling between the collar of my t-shirt and the rain cooled skin on my neck. "It's a very nice surprise though," she whispers, kissing just below my ear. I pull her tighter into my chest, breathing comfortably for the first time all morning.

I have my nose buried in her hair, sucking in all the spice of life giving sent it gives. Still surrounded by her ringlets, I look up momentarily, my gaze drifting to the computer. The guy is still watching us on the web cam. It's a little weird as our eyes meet across cyber space. Like a peeping Tom only he's looking at me as if I was the one who interrupted their tête-à-tête.

His eyes are a rich dark brown, like Bella's, framed by thick dark brows. If I was to picture a tall, dark and handsome Italian model, an image of this fella would come to mind. I could see why the girls like this one. If he's not already, he should be a freaking model. Bastard. Perfect polo shirt, smooth hair all combed back, one of those beards that just trace the outline of the jaw like a chin strap.

I'm looking at him and he's looking at me. Her past and her present—and hopeful her future too, locked in a staring match. He's eyes are cool, assessing, evaluating; like he's gauging the potential competition. I don't know what shit he's spun Ness, but there is no way he wants to be 'just friends' with her. We're having a visual a standoff through her 12 inch screen. We're just measuring each other silently, while Ness wraps her arms around me as she unintentionally gives him a great view of her ass in her tiny laced edged pajama shorts.

I can see it in the small screen on the bottom right corner. I see him looking. _Back off asshole_, I think. You might have a history with her but this ass is mine. My hands cover her back, sliding down her body until I take a hold of her ass and lift her up and to the side. Out of his view. Fucking pervert. Don't care if he's seen her naked. He doesn't get to perve on her ass any more than Ateara does.

"You gunna introduce me?" I ask, my eyes still to the dickhead on the screen, my lips brushing hers as I speak.

"Oh yeah, of course." She grabs the cord of the ear phones and yanks them out of the jack. "Luca," she smiles, settling on her feet beside me, her arms little wrapping around my middle, "this is my Jake."

"_Questo ragazzo è troppo alto per te, Renesmee_," he says in a deep, rich voice, his r's rolling across that tongue I want to rip out of his pretty boy head.

"_Oh zitto_," she snaps at him. "English Luca. Don't be an ass."

"'Ello Jacob," he smiles, his voice heavy with an accent, but even though the inflection, I can still hear a touch of hostility in his tone. "It's a nice to finally put a face-a to da name."

I wave at the screen, "yeah, same to you."

"I hopea she hasa said only gooda tings about me."

"Oh yeah, all glowing reports," I say, forcing a grin on my face. Fucking asshole. She might be buying this sensitive guy thing. But I can spot a pussy digger when I see one.

We're both quiet for a while, I can practically hear the crickets when Ness finally chimes in. "Well, this has been riveting." Leaning in closer to the scene she talk to her ex, our fingers still linked. "_Ciao Lucca, parlerò di nuovo la prossima settimana va bene?_"

He nods, smiling a smile that I bet gets him all the Italian pussy he wants. "_Sì bella. Me per telefono ogni volta che vuoi, la mia piccola mammina. Promettere_?"

"Okay," she whispers, a broken voice behind threatened tears. I see her eyes sadden for a minute. Before she holds onto the pendant around her neck, nodding.

"_Ti amo ancora donnina_."

She's shaking her head at him, a sad but a little pissed look in her eyes. "Don't," she says. I really wish I knew what he's saying to her. My instincts are screaming for me to protect her from it. Whatever it is. "_Non più Luca. Si prega di non rendere questo affatto più duro per me. Mi piace molto questo uomo_."

His eyes flash to mine before back to Nessie. "Lova you still, Nessie."

Oh _now_ the ass-wipe speaks in English.

"Okay," she says tight lipped and completely ignoring the fact that her ex just said he still loves her. "Will you get some fresh flowers for Angelus for me?"

I see a little defeat in his eyes, and my arm goes a little bit tighter around her waist. I think she just totally shut him down and changed the subject. Is this a normal occurrence? I hope she hasn't completely mislead me on what's still going on between these two. I feel a tight squeeze behind my ribs. My heart heavy and suddenly very sore.

"Yes. Ok Nessa, I see some… how you say, _girasoli_?"

"Sunflowers," she answers sharply. I don't know if she's pissed, embarrassed or sad. May be a little of each.

"There are stilla some suna-flowers growing. I get them tomorrow."

"Sunflowers would be nice. Thank you." She swallows hard, licking her lips with a dry cracking sound. She's just staring at the screen, no real emotion that I can decipher on her face.

"_Ok bella. Caio eh_?" he answers before looking to me. "Good bya Jake. You looka after her. She's a special girla."

I don't know what the fuck is happening. Wish I had a translator. I don't need this fucker to tell me how amazing Ness is. I figured that one out all on my own thank you very much. But I think the guy just got denied. Gotta feel a little something for him. But not really, because he knocked Ness up this time last year and I guess he still hasn't figured out all his feelings for her. So, no, he can go get fucked with all his baby making history and 'I still love yous. Pwth, chin strap beard. Who has a beard in high school? Lu-ooser-ca does. Facial hair doesn't mean nothing. I bet I could take him arm wrestling. Easily.

I really hope she's over him. She says she is. I hope that's the truth. I don't need this Luca shit messing up what we've got. I feel a rising panic at the thought of her having feelings for the pussy chaser. I haven't really considered the ex-factor. I really hope there is _no_ ex-factor.

"More special than you know," I say back to the dick. My lips pressing into her temple, the side of my hand running over the thin cotton of her sleep top brushing a little incidental side boob for my troubles.

Ness presses her back in to me, a silent thank you for my words. And with a quick hand flick wave and a "_Caio_," her finger moves over the touch pad, ending the call then closing the program before shutting the lid with a decided click that echoes through the room.

"God, he's an asshole sometimes," she says, "I don't know what I ever saw in him." She slides the notebook down the foot of the bed before throwing herself face first on to the mattress. "I'm so sorry you had to hear that," she says through the muffled comfort of her two hundred cushions.

That little rising panic is substantially relieved with her aggravated words directed at the Italian cock sucker. This little woman right here, she loves me', I know that to be a fact. I need to keep that in mind a little more often.

"S' all right Ness. Just so long as it's only me you love," I say, lying down on the bed and stretching out alongside her. I pull her alongside me, our bodies molding to each other's.

"Oh you know it is baby," she purrs, wiggling her ass against my burgeoning boner. Shit she has an awesome ass.

"That is some sexy shit you got going on with all that Italian talk. I love the way you roll those r's." My lips skim over her ear, breezing along her jaw line, barely hovering over her porcelain skin.

"It's easy Jake, _rrrrrrrrrr_," she says, her breath coming in a wisp.

"Let me try," I say shifting so that she in underneath me, both my legs either side of her hips. My hands pulling on her thin shorts, scissoring them down and then off as I kneel beneath her.

Her legs are pressed together, my fingers finding purchase on the inside of each knee and gently parting her thighs. Like a clam shell opening up, pink and moist and I find a pretty little pearl just waiting to be played with.

* * *

.

…

* * *

It's Valentine's Day today, I'm picking Ness up this morning armed with a big bunch of flowers and the biggest, corniest box of heart shape chocolates I could find. We promised not to take the Hallmark holiday too seriously, we show each other our love everyday instead.

Some days she's ready when I roll up and I don't even have to get out of the car, and others she's still getting ready; having a bad hair day or can't get the outfit right, typical girl _first world_ problems. It seems that today is one of those days. So with candies tucked under my arm, I knock and then let myself in, not waiting for an answer and knowing I have permission to come and go at this home.

"Morning," I sing out. I can hear the coffee machine in the kitchen, Esmee and Carlisle fluttering around getting ready to leave for work for the day.

"Hi Jake," smiles Mrs. Cullen, "do you want a coffee? It's just made," she asks, pouring the steaming liquid into both their travel mugs they take to work with them.

"No, I'm good thanks." I just had one with dad before I left home. Aunty Sue is taking him to the clinic for a blood test this morning and all he's allowed to have is back tea or coffee beforehand. So I stayed and made sure he didn't sneak some milk or sugar in today.

"She's a sleepy head this morning. See if you can get her to get a hurry on," Carlisle nods, his eyes amused as he looks in the direction of Nessie's bedroom. "Nice chocolate box by the way," he laughs.

"I _was_ gunna share," I quip, easy and at home in their house, and around this loving family, "but now you're gunna have to by some for your own wife," I tease back, turning to head to my Valentine.

I hear Esme chide as I wonder down the hall. "Don't torment him, it's sweet. I wouldn't have minded getting a nice gift today, you know."

I can see Carlisle move towards her in my periphery, Esmee giggling as they leave the house, "Oh I'll give you a _gift_ my love." Oh god, I can never _un-_hear that, apparently Nessie's aunt and uncle are just as comfortable around me now, too.

* * *

I don't bother knocking on Ness's door, opening it quietly, to find her still bundled up under the covers of her bed.

"Happy valentine's day baby," I sing out quietly, moving towards the bed. Ness peeks her head out from under the covers, a happy smile on her lips and her eyes bursting with mischief. She doesn't look like she was just asleep.

"Lock the door," she whispers, shifting slightly under the covers. I give her a curious look, wondering what angle she's coming from. But I've learned to just go with the flow with this spectacular woman. So I do as I'm told, turning back around and pressing the lock button on the door. "Have they left?"

"Yeah I think so?" I ask turning back to look at her. _What is she up to?_

"Why?" I ask curiously, _the big chief_ possibly jumping the gun a bit, but my hopefulness developing nonetheless.

"I want to give you your Valentines gift." She's smiling at me, biting her bottom lip as her eyes sparkle with that starburst of gold that is uniquely Ness. "Close your eyes for a second."

I shake my head good naturedly at her, laughing a little. "What are you up to?"

"You'll see," she sing-songs, "just close your eyes."

"Alright, alright," I say, closing them and listening to the shifting on the bed. I'm trying to guess what she's doing as I stare at the inside of my eyelids. I can hear the drawers of her side table open and close. I can hear the scrunching of a paper bag and small soft pitter-patter noises on the bed.

"Keep them closed," she warns again, firm but with the undeniable light-heartedness in her sweet voice.

I snort little, laughing at this playful side of Nessie's I sometimes forget about. She lives life to its fullest every day. And by god, I'm trying my hardest to do the same. My dad is getting healthier day by day, I'm still reluctant to leave him for more than the day and at this point, not likely to do it for a term at a time, but I'm feeling freer and freer to take back my own life, piece by piece. My life; where a five foot one little woman is making me stand like an idiot with a hart shaped box of candy and a bunch of flowers in the middle of her bedroom with my eyes closed while she prepares my Valentines gift. Whatever it may be.

So I keep my eyes closed. "I am," I say back to her warning. It's nice for _my_ life to be about _me_ for a few minutes. It's nourishing to the soul. God, I sound like Ness sometimes.

There are a few more noises, the crinkle of the bed sheets as she moves about, a little giggle of my sweet woman as she sounds to be standing up on the bed in front of me.

"Okay, you can open them now," she calls, her voice coming, not from in front of me like I expect, but from low down, back on the bed.

I open my eyes to see the February page of my _special_ calendar come to life.

A very naked Ness, lying with the sheets seductively draped over her; rose petals framing her sexy body.

She's holding out a little bottle of massage oil, it's a dark amber color, square, glassy edges, the same symbol as the ones on her hair products, the oil inside sloshing up the sides as she tilts it towards me, urging me to take it. Like she wants me to maybe rub oil over her gloriously superb, perfect naked body. A dream come true.

"Happy Valentine's day."

Well, my big heart shaped box of candies seems a little G-rated right about now.

I'm just standing there like a statue; flowers and chocolates in hand, mentally taking about a thousand mental snap shots of my own personal centerfold as my dick wakes up to smell the Moroccan roses.

"We've got school in like, twenty minutes," I say, not really meaning it, _the big chief_ down below trying to choke me in to shutting the hell up anyway.

"We're skipping Spanish this morning," she says matter-of-factly.

"Yes… yes we are," I say back, _the big chief_ weeping with joy as I practically throw the flowers and candy at her, hurriedly shrugging my jacket off and reefing my shirt up over my head.

* * *

...

* * *

We made it to school by third period, a long, hot soapy shower, our skin glowing and well moisturized by the time we got to English. After such an amazing morning, I really just wanted to say in bed all day and see if we could replicate the process again. But school was calling, so I settle for holding her as close to me as I can for the rest of the day.

"I couldn't help but notice that you two got to school fashionably late today," goads Quil as he sits down in front of us. "Busy giving each other your '_gifts'_?" he snickers, his fingers coming to make air quotes at the word 'gift'. _Yes Quil, she stripped off and asked to be fucked covered in scented oil, I had a wonderful morning saying a very lubricated thank-you for her offering_. This is what I think to myself, but as much as I'd like to say it, Ness would probably tear me a new one if I went around boasting about our escapades. So I keep what we've been doing hush-hush. Because Renesmee would want me to be a gentleman about what we do in private.

…Or… maybe not. This woman always surprises me….

"Of course we were," replies Ness, straight faced and dead serious, but I can see that rich aurulent sparkle starting. "It takes _time_ to unwrap the kind of Valentine's gift I got for Jake."

Ness has a simple white scoop necked shirt on today, it's not revealing but it reveals _everything_ (if you get my meaning), her waist is tight, her boobs are pert and round, yet still well covered. The line of the two necklaces she wears are pointing like arrows to the valleys and mounds below. The neck line is low enough to revel the soft skin of her décolletage—but no cleavage, that's covered by the long, flowing maroon cotton scarf she has layered on her chest. She slowly unwinds it from her throat as she give my childhood friend her best bedroom eyes.

She keeps eye contact with Quil, slinking in her seat, her voice deep and breathy, "We were late because he was slowly peeling back the layers, exposing and revealing the perfect, luscious gift that was inside." Her voice is so fucking sexy and sultry, and if I didn't know she was pulling Quil's leg, I'd be as jealous as hell by her directed stare. Even so, I'm still feeling a little possessive. I don't really care for Ness flirting with other guys, even if it is just to tease.

He's raking his eyes over Renesmee, looking precariously close to her now less shrouded chest. The saying is look with your eyes, not with your hands— and even _that's_ not cool with me right now. As far as I'm concerned, Quil having a less than concealed gawk at my cherry pendant is as close to _intimate_ he's EVER gunna get to my girl.

He's still looking more than several heart beats later though, his eyes wide and he's shifting uncomfortably; trying to hide the effect she's having on him while he sits in the chair. And when I say _effect…_ I mean a chubby. One of my best friends has a hard on from looking at my girlfriend. _This is not cool_.

He has the beginnings of his patented 'how you doing' look in his hopeful eye. _Not cool, Quil._ In fact, it's _so_ not cool with me that I kind of wanna punch my childhood friend in the face. Ness is _mine_ and no one gets to look at her like that but me. But I don't punch him, just a _friendly_ kick in the ankle through the front of the desk instead. It takes a fair bit of effort, but I let it slide. The _only_ reason being that, I'm pretty sure the closest the dumbass perv is gunna get to a Valentine's gift, is a card from his cousin. And I know where Nessie's affections lie… with me. I don't like her play-flirting too much though.

Embry comes to sit in the empty seat next to the horny fucker, laughing at his reaction to her tease and clipping him on the side of the head. "Dream on horn dog. Ness is way out of you league."

"I wasn't," he protests, his cheeks taking on a cutie-pie flush.

"Better not have been." I glare, the unsaid threat in my tone. I feel safe in my relationship, but I'm still a red blooded guy. I won't just sit by while another guy even _considers_ putting the moves on my woman.

Atera's eye flicks over to me, his blush deepening as he realizes he was getting a little too close to my territory. I don't like thinking of Ness as property to be _owned,_ but right now in I'm teetering in Neanderthal mode… and this caveman don't share.

Then he very, _very_ quickly flashes one last glance back to Ness—his eyes going to her face, to her boobs, then to her face again.

Ness finds this whole exchange amusing, and in response to being ogled, bursts out laughing. "Oh Quil," she chortles, shaking her head and winding the scarf back around her neck, "I've got to find you someone to set you up with."

"Yes, you do that," I say, grabbing her by the face and sticking my tongue half way down her throat. The Neanderthal is marking his territory in English class.

#

So, after an impromptu _French_ session in English class, which was interrupted by Miss Gordon arriving and ragging on us to the whole class about us getting an A _if_ we were gunna be acting out the bedroom scene in Romeo and Juliette. But we're reading about Hamlet instead, and today it's about the ghost of Hamlet's dad, explaining how he got killed by poison in the ear and the beginnings of the prince's steady slope into madness.

Ness is enthralled in the Danish court, but I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is happening. I'm gunna have to watch Mel Gibson explain it on Nessie's plasma screen.

The day has rolled on, my hands particularly 'handsie' today. Ness is even more accommodating than she normally is too—and she's normally pretty amicable. My fleeting insecurity from her little play flirt in English now long forgotten.

It's Valentine's Day and we're two horny high school kids in love. My hands have a mind of their own, and Ness's hands aren't any better. We've also been attempting to change the subject to _French, _in a few more classes today too. We're lucky we're honor roll students and get a little leeway or I think we'd be in detention all week. Our hormones are _rife_.

Today has been full of hormone driven emotional highs and lows. I got a secret admirer card, it was slipped into my locker somewhere between third and fourth period. No idea who it's from. But it wasn't from Nessie… and she wasn't too happy about it either, giving me the stink eye, and acting as if I had any control over who puts what in my locker. Quite the green-eyed monster she was… until she saw the _three_ she had stuffed in hers after lunch. That shut her up. And then I had free rein to warrant a smack down on whoever the three pervs are who think they can have a piece of my Ness.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

After that I made a point of showing the entire student body just how much _mine_ she is in the hall of building one, pressed up against her locker.

Mine.

I want more than just first base in the hall though. And unfortunately, we're still in school, and I have to wait until after this afternoons basketball game before I can really make her mine again.

That's okay; cavemen can be patient.

* * *

_**Italian translations:**_

**As Jake first enters the bedroom, Ness says ****to Luca: _What do you mean you broke up? I thought you were planning on getting married?_**

**Luca's response to Ness's introductions: _This boy is too tall for you, Renesmee_**

**Ness's response to Luca's appraisal:_ Oh shut up_.**

**Ness cutting in after the crickets start up: _Bye Luca, we'll speak again next week, okay_? **

**Luca: _Yes beautiful. Call me whenever you want, my little mommy. Promise? _**_**I still love you little woman**_

**Ness' reply to that: _No more Luca. Please don't make this any harder for me. I really love this man._**

* * *

**Thank-you**** Aretee, for all the beta-ing you did on this chapter, added scenes and Yankee school timetables.**

**This was just a little filler chapter, it's warming up to something big folks, patience.**


	41. Chapter 41- Prospects

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

_**Today has been full of hormone driven emotional highs and lows. I got a secret admirer card, it was slipped into my locker somewhere between third and fourth period. No idea who it's from. But it wasn't from Nessie… and she wasn't too happy about it either, giving me the stink eye, and acting as if I had any control over who puts what in my locker. Quite the green-eyed monster she was… until she saw the three she had stuffed in hers after lunch. That shut her up. And then I had free rein to warrant a smack down on whoever the three pervs are who think they can have a piece of my Ness. **_

_**Mine. Mine. Mine.**_

_**After that I made a point of showing the entire student body just how much mine she is in the hall of building one, pressed up against her locker.**_

_**Mine.**_

_**I want more than just first base in the hall though. And unfortunately, we're still in school, and I have to wait until after this afternoons basketball game before I can really make her mine again. **_

_**That's okay; cavemen can be patient...**_

* * *

**Chapter 41 - Prospects**

Ness has to be at the pep rally at four and even after our oily start to the day, our public commitment ceremony in English class and then the encore in the hall, I'm still, for some insecure reason, needing to claim her as mine again, and again… and again. I'm gunna blame the Valentine day cards, but for some reason, I'm feeling very possessive today. So, with my possessiveness in mind, we have one hour between schools end and the rally and I make _very_ good use of the time.

So after almost an hour of testing the suspension of her convertible with the top UP, we head over to the school gym for the Valentine's Day game warm up.

The Spartans basketball team are playing the Red Devils from Neah Bay. Embry is just about wetting himself because his girl Raven goes to that school and he's playing point guard and she's coming down to watch both her school and him. Me, I've come to watch Forks probably kick Neah Bay's ass, I'm all for school spirit… but mostly, I'm here to watch Ness dance.

The drill team is assigned to the basketball games and I've come to feast my eyes on her at the pep rally and then at the half time entertainment. Ness says they're trying out something new tonight. Normally the dance team are all pointy foot, hair up in buns, high kicks and leaping bounds and jumps.

They're actually pretty good, I don't know if they always were or if Ness's influence has them improving. But she's dead excited to preform whatever it is they've got planned.

I caught her eye during the game, she's sitting down the front and I'm sitting around the middle with Jarred and Quil and a couple of other guys. We exchanged a smiles and mimed "I love you's" through the crowd.

The basketball is actually pretty entertaining too, we're up thirty-four points to twelve, Embry is having an outstanding game. I think he's scored all but four of those thirty-four points. He's blowing kisses like a whipped pussy into the crowd at Raven every time he scores a point. The only problem with that is, she's sitting with her school and it looks like he's taunting the opposition every time he does it. He has no idea how it looks; he's probably gunna get busted for poor sportsmanship by his coach. It's fucking hilarious.

There is a countdown to the half time buzzer and finally, I'm ready to see what I came here for. Ness.

And, oh yeah, does she deliver. Gone are the buns and jazz hands we saw at the pep rally. Instead, out comes a dozen very streetwise looking chicks; hair out, sneakers and loose-fitting midriff style shirts. Some of the girls have those long baggy hip-hop pants on and some them are in short shorts. Ness is in short shorts. Fucking hot, shorty-short-shorts. I'm not too keen of the idea of every male in this room today having such a sexy image of my girl for their wank bank. Because, I know teenage guys… there all gunna rub one out over the memory of how Ness looks tonight. But what am I gunna do? I just focus on the fact that _I _am the only one getting to touch that spectacular body. They can imagine all they like—I get the corporal evidence in my hands.

I've heard her and Kim putting together a funk mix, it pretty good. The crowd must agree with me because they're freakin' eating it up. The music is loud and the girls are all really in sync, body popping and doing the Dougie. Then Kim and Ness step to the front and really let loose. Turns out… Kim is like a fucking acrobat and… Ness is a contortionist—but I already knew that. They're both on the ground at one point, doing all sorts of splits and other flexible shit; wild hair is flying, taut muscle defined, all the while making it still look like dancing…like, really good, entertaining dancing. Me and Jared share a knowing look. _Yes_, that looks says, _yes, they're our girls out there. We know were lucky SOB's. _Quill's just staring like he's never seen a woman's body move like that before. In reality, he probably hasn't.

The whole team come back into sync and in formation, they do a few jumps—like they normally do, only it looks more funky than normal. They all pop, drop and load it, finishing the routine with a heavy beat and a crisp cutting move. Everyone is yelling and cheering and the drill team leave the court puffing and smiling and as one hard act for the cheer squad to follow.

Mmm, I really do like her with those gym shoes on and short shorts, I wonder if I can talk her into fucking with her shoes on still. That would be some sexy shit.

My dick is having troubles staying incognito after my fantastical thoughts, I'm gunna have to go to the bathroom to fix it. No, I'm not gunna beat the meat in the gym bathroom, god… I'm taking about tucking The Big Chief into my waistband or something, sheesh.

I know Ness'll be a few minutes getting changed before she comes to find me

in the stands, so I want to take the opportunity to run down to the concession stand and grab a few snacks, too.

"Hey Quil, man, you want to come with me to get something to eat?"

"Ugh, no, I'm okay. I wanna stay here," he says, not taking his eyes off the cheerleaders as they take the floor. _Horn dog._

"I'll come with you dude," says Jared getting up. "I'll get Kimmy a Gatorade or something."

"Good idea," I say over my shoulder, squeezing past a few other kids in the isle.

"Yo, Black," sings out my friends voice. I turn to see Quil, standing up, his eyes looking between me and the girls with pompoms on the floor.

"Get us some, popcorn."

Eyes on the girls.

"Oh, and some peanut butter cups."

Eyes to me.

"And maybe a sprite or something."

Eyes back to the girls with their legs in the air.

Fuck, he must be going through a growth spurt or something, the fucker hasn't stopped eating since we got here. Maybe he has worms. "And how exactly will you be _paying_ for this banquet, Quil Tyson Ateara the fifth?"

Eyes back to me. In fact, they're his beast puppy dog eyes. But that shit don't work on me. He knows it too, his eyes pleading and his tone whiney. "Oh come-on man. You know I'm good for it."

"No, I don't actually, you still owe me for that popcorn at the movies last weekend."

"But, I'm still hungry."

He's worse than a little kid, honestly. "Fine. But don't expect anything more than a little bag of Doritos.

Fifteen minutes later Jared and I make our way back up the stands. Two Gatorades for our ladies, a nachos to share between us, a snickers for Ness and 2 tiny bags of Fritos for Quil all balanced in our hands.

"That'll be $1.50, ass-wad," I say, pegging the packet at Quil's head.

"Just put it on my tab," he says, ripping into the first bag and dumping almost the entire contents into his mouth.

Smart ass.

Our row wasn't completely full when we left and now, some of the kids have shifted around and there's only enough seats for me and Jared. But the girls are gunna be up here any minute now.

Jared seems more put out from this than me. I was just gunna sit Nessie on my lap. Not that Kim's fat or anything but she's like… _normal_ high. I guess his girlfriend isn't as tiny as Ness. And I have to admit, even Ness's light weight gets painful after a while. "Quil, why didn't you save all the seats? Where are Kim and Ness gunna sit?" he asks.

"I don't know. It's hard, I can't be expected to save _four_ seats. Shit what do you take me for? A Ticketmaster chick?"

Fuck, I love the guy, but he's such a wiener sometimes. He's just pushing all my buttons tonight…and I'm still a tiny, little bit shitty at him for staring at Ness's rack in English this morning. "Don't worry about it," I grouch, "I'm gunna go sit with Seth."

I'm acting like I'm all put out… I don't really care _that_ much. I mean, I'm feeling pissed and a bit ripped off that I'm not gunna get my fair share of the nachos. And I think Quil's a fucker for being too busy perving at the cheer squad to tell the juniors that those seats were taken. But I don't really care where I'm sitting, so long as it's with Ness. Seth has better seats anyway.

And, if I'm being brutally honest, I don't want her around Quil any more than necessary, she's just looking _too_ hot tonight and Quil has a wondering eye and Ness doesn't realize how good she is at tease-flirting.

So, taking as much nachos as I can fit into my mouth, the Gatorade and snickers in hand, I accidentally-on purpose step on Ateara's toe and march down to the spot where I see Seth sitting.

"Hey," I say sitting down. "Can me and Ness sit here?" my mouth still full.

"Yeah man. How good was her dance thing? She's so good 'ey?"

"Yeah. She's pretty good," I say, my thoughts quickly forgetting my mini jealous-sulk and shifting to her may _other_ hidden talents. I can't stop thinking about that oily sex this morning. Best Valentine's Day present _ever_.

I sit up tall in my seat, looking around the stands, waiting to see my sexy girlfriend so I can wave her to the seat I've moved to. I needn't have bothered, I should have known the crowd was going to alert me to her imminent arrival. The tiny woman turns heads wherever she goes.

There is a ripple through the crowd as she walks up the steps. Everyone takes notice of Ness. She's one of those people who remembers your name, even if you've only met briefly in passing, she asks you little tid-bits about your life, makes you feel special. She's popular, not because she's pretty and cool and fashionable, even though she is. She's popular because she actually nice, to _everyone. _I feel extra lucky to have been singled out by this spectacular creature.

I can see it on all the faces of the kids as she walks by, the boys all want to fuck her—especial after seeing her in that little dance routine— and all the girls either want to be her friend, or just _be_ her.

Seth and I are no exception, except… I already get to fuck her, and Seth is already her friend.

We both stand up like dickheads as she gets closer to our row and wave her over. I catch her eye, winking as she stops quickly to say 'Hi,' to the Albino witch, Jane Turner. Ugh. Ever since homecoming, Ness has taken it upon herself to make sure the girl is included in all the big group stuff with us seniors; encouraging her to join a club and make some friends. And now she's developed a kind of hero worship for Ness and I'm pretty sure, after that half a dance, a much _fortified_ crush on me. And who, I've just realized, is probably the author of my anonymous valentine card— maybe even one of Nessie's too. Ugh.

Eventually, Ness is released from her voodoo trap though, and makes it to our isle. I scoot across a seat as she shuffles sideways down the row.

"Hey babe," I say as she plops down and I land a quick yet still hot and wet kiss on her lips. "You guys looked so good out there, that was some seriously hot dancing."

She smiles, leaning her head on my arm in such a cute and humble way, "Thanks baby," kissing my shoulder, her hands wrapping around my arm, clinging tight.

"I just saw Raven," she says sitting up, but still holding on to me, her fingers exploring the definition of my guns as that arm snakes around her waist, pulling her closer. It's only been an hour or two, but I missed having her in my arms. "Emb is just about ready to cream his pants he so excited. There's apparently a college scout in the crowd here tonight."

Holy shit. No wonder he's pulling out all the stops. Poor Neah Bay never had a chance tonight. "Did she say which scout? Is he NCSA?" Embry's busting a ball to get a basketball scholarship at Peninsular College in PA, if this guy is in the ear of their coach… man… I'm happy my friend's having such a great game.

Ness just shrugs, "she just said he's an important scout."

"Oh fuck." My eyes meeting Ness's excitedly, "What if he's from U Dub? Or an interstate collage?!" Embry is a freakn awesome player, he's totally good enough to get a least some kind of scholarship.

People always ask me if I'm going for an athletic scholarship. I mean, I'm not kidding myself here, just because I'm the Varsity QB doesn't mean I'm necessarily all that good. I'm _okay,_ I guess, but I'm not collage athletic material— unlike Embry. He's the most likely to be the next to make it in the schools hall of fame out of all of us this from this year. "Emb could totally be cementing his future for college next year on this fucking whitewash of a game," I say, genuinely happy and hopeful for my buddy.

"Oh Shit. That reminds me," Seth interrupts, leaning forwards and over Renesmee so he can see me. "Mom said the mailman came bearing gifts at your place today." He's got a smart ass grin on his face, his eyebrows waggling as they tease with just little snippets of info. "Big, thick, bright white envelopes, kind of like collage acceptance _gifts_."

Ness released her grip on my bicep, jumping around to face her publicly straight, privately bent, publicly ex, privately _beard_, friend. "What?! Which ones?" she squeaks, then jumps back to face me. "Jake, you got acceptance letters!" her hands doing that girly little fast clappy thing up under her chin as makes little excited soprano noises before making a two handed grip on my arm.

"We don't know if they're acceptance letters, Ness. They could just as easily be _rejection _letters."

God, I rue the day I let her talk me into apply to those other universities. It's not as if I'm gunna get in, and even if, by some miraculous freak of nature, I did?… I can't leave my dad. At least not to go _that_ far. Four hours is my limit. I can do Seattle and back in a day if I had to. And anyway, I can't afford them without a full ride. And I know I'm not gunna get one of those. I hope they're rejection letters. That'd keep her from pushing the topic.

"Oh rubbish," she says slapping me with both hands on my chest, her hands miraculously getting stuck on my pecs. _You know you love my body, baby. _"You know you'll get into U of W with your GPA. What I want to know is if they're from Caltech or _MIT."_ She's excited for me, proud of the prospect of me getting in to one of those kind of schools.

"I'll be happy with acceptance into U Dub with you Ness. That's the only place I wanna go." I say quietly, my jaw set. We've haven't really had a _good_ talk about me actually going away; or of her going to one of the ivy league schools her dad made her apply for. We haven't talked about the idea of us not being together next year. Every time the topic is brought up, I manage to quash it with some self-deprecating comment. She doesn't like it when I 'sell myself short', her words not mine, I think I'm just being realistic. They are, after all, _exceptionally _completive schools. And none of it matters any way. I'm not leaving dad.

She looks into my eyes; searching, probing my face. A yielding expression develops on her face, she slowly closes her eyes. She knows I'm not going any further than Seattle, and now's not the time to get into it. Her eyes slowly open, a depth of knowledge behind the sunbursts, that wasn't there a second before she closed them, is now present. She's looking at me as if she's just figured something out. She's just figured out that they're not just words; I mean it, I'm really _not_ leaving my dad.

She squishes a little closer to me, her arms winding around my side, my hand finding her hip easily, no matter what differing of opinion we might have, I still love her. And she loves me; and we'll work it all out. "Well, maybe it's an acceptance letter from Western?" My back up school.

"Maybe," I say, my eyes roving back down the court where the game has just recommenced.

They both seem to get the message and everyone shuts up about the twice a week mail and white envelopes and unclear futures.

...

Ness's phone cheeps a few minutes later and we both put our heads together as she checks the message. It's an e-card. An online Valentine's Day message from her ex, Lucca.

_Really_?!

The fucker doesn't know when to give it up. I do my best to not grab the damn phone at throw it as far across the court as I can. Everyone wants a piece of Ness today. But she's mine and I don't wanna share. Especially not with some Italian cock sucker who's cock Ness may or may have not sucked in the past.

"It's nothing Jake. He's just being nice. Honest. There's nothing going on with us." She's pre-empted my thoughts. She knows how suspect a V-day card from your ex might look.

Yep, sure. Just a _nice_ Valentines card for the father of your child. I nod, feeling my back molars practically cracking under the tension in my jaw. I can be _nice_ about it. It's not Ness I'm pissed at. It's not her fault the fucker can't take a hint. Like the massive _clue_ of us being in a relationship, going away on vacation together; me being in just about every photo she's posted on Facebook in the last six months; hints like _that!_

Ness brings the image closer to her face, her thumbs moving over the screen as she immediately deletes the unsolicited valentine.

She pockets her phone, shuffling up on to her knees onto the seat and burrowing her face into my neck. "I swear Jacob, I swear on the grave of my Angel that there is nothing going on with Luca and me."

I lean my head against hers, letting out a big sigh and wrapping my arms around her shoulders. "I know," I say, turning and giving her a light, contrite kiss on the lips. "He's still a dickhead though."

She ignores my little insult. "So we're good?" she asks, the plea evident in her tone. I can see it in her eyes, the injury she obtains by me thinking she might still have feelings for Luca. I know she doesn't. I'm just a dick sometimes too.

"Yeah babe," I smirk, my hands running up the length of her arms, then back down, over her hips and getting a big meaty hold of her fine, fine ass. "Every one might get to see you in those hot pants," my fingers squeezing that perfect apple bottom. "A half dozen guys can send you a Valentines card, but only I get to do this—"

I pull her in, the fingers of one hand moving up and tangling in the base of her hair, combing under the loose bun she has her curls tied up in. The other hand is at her waist, holding her little curves, my fingers splayed out, my thumb lifting and tracing the underside of the boob as my lips press hard against hers.

The kiss is hot and heavy, my tongue flicking agent hers, her head tilted right back as I claim and devour her cherry red lips. We're probably giving the back third of the home stand and the majority of the visitors a good look. Good, let 'em look, let them know who she belongs to… Me.

I can practically hear Seth rolling his eyes at us too.

Ness holds on tight to the collar of my shirt with one hand, the other feeling the lines of my muscled chest and arms as she groans a deeply satisfied, sexy as shit moan between our mouths as she kisses me back.

That's right baby, _mine._

I pull back, both of us panting, Nessie's lips are a little puffy and rousingly rubicund. Her starburst eyes are looking up at me, full of love and devotion. Like a woman who's just been thoroughly kissed. I'm a silly man for ever allowing a shadow of doubt to creep in. There is no doubt how much she loves me; it's the same amount as I love _her_. Which is more than my own life.

"Dr. Hook had it right though," I say, a finger gently breezing over her porcelain cheek. "When you're in love with a beautiful woman; you gotta watch your back."

She just scoffs, not commenting and plonking her fine ass back on her seat between Seth and me.

Feeling a little cocky at my out-and-out display of first base in font of most of the school, I keep a hold of her hand and go back to watching Embry single handily continue to take the Spartans to a ridiculous lead. But Ness isn't interested. She crosses her legs, her elbow on her knee, a fist under her chin as she looks up at me. Staring. Just staring at me as I keep a hold of her other hand, playing with her petite fingers.

"What?" I say, looking at her and then back to the game.

"Nothing. Just looking." She's quiet for a little while. She's still staring at me. I look back down at her. Her beautiful face illuminated by the gymnasium light.

"What?" I say again, laughing and questioning.

"You sir, you're very attractive," she smiles. "Therefore, I will stare at you."

* * *

...

The fourth quarter is playing, Embry is still having the best game of his entire life when Seth starts up again. "Do you think you got an acceptance letter too Ness?"

She lifts her head off of my chest where it had been leaning—she did eventually stop staring.

Ness looks over her shoulder to him, shrugging as she pulls out her cell, "I'll ask aunty E," she says, typing out a message.

A few minutes later her phone dings with a photo message; a very big, very _white_ envelope on top of another yellow colored one on the kitchen counter at her house.

"Oh my god!" she squeals. "I know you want to support Embry, Jake. But let's go. Pleeease," her eyes pleading. It's killing her not knowing what's in the envelopes. And as if could say _no _to her anyway. "They're up by like fifty points, if he can't get a scholarship out of tonight's game then nothing's going to get him one," she argues.

I grab her into a gentle head lock kind of hold, only, instead of a noogie, I use my arm to bring her face to mine and land a big wet kiss on her cheek. "Aright you impatient child, let's go see what the mailman's brought us."

I'm rewarded by the best and biggest smile of the day. God, I love this little woman. Then her arms wind around my neck, her hands flopping over my back and I get a much longer, much more passionate kiss than the wet, headlock embrace I'd given her. Total and undivided _love_.

…

"Hey Seth, if you see Embry can you tell him I said bye," I say down the row as Ness and I shuffle our way over the feet and legs of kids cheering on the Spartans.

"Okay," he calls back, "see you tomorrow for pasta night."

We've started back up the monthly Clearwater-Black-Swan pasta nights since dad got sick. It's a great excuse to get him out of the house and for me to eat something other than defrosted casserole. I nod and follow Ness as she trots down the stand to the locker rooms to collect her gym bag.

I wait outside for her. I'm tempted to follow her in, to see how far we can get in the privacy of a hidden cubicle. But I resist. I'd rather take my time with her in my twin size back at home.

On our way to the res, we stop in at her house to get her envelopes. Esme and Carlisle are huddled together on the sofa watching TV as we enter.

"Um…" says Ness, a little cautiously to them as she stops mid stride, her hands fidgeting around her mouth. "I know it's a school night… but…Jake got some mail today too… and I was wondering….maybe… I could have dinner at his place and just stay in La Push tonight?"

_Oh god yes! Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes_. I haven't fallen asleep with Ness in my arms since Seattle. And I still have half a bottle of that oil from this morning left.

"Go Ness," Esme smiles. "Just be on time to school in the morning, none of this skipping your first classes again."

We both just freeze, like two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. How the hell does she know we skipped this morning?

The good Doctor and his wife chuckle from their cozy spot on the cushions. "I do know what your car looks like Ness. And when I see it driving _towards_ the school at ten thirty in the morning, I can put two and two together," she says, still tittering.

"Just don't make a habit of it," Carlisle adds affably.

Nessie smiles, sprinting the short distance over to them and giving them both a big hug, "Thank you. You two are the best."

"We know."

* * *

...

The drive back to my place is crazy and manic, the new evening air is filled with our lust charged emotions, the unsaid excitement of what might be inside those envelopes, and the radiant glow of tonight's full moon behind the building clouds. We decided to take Ness's convertible and even though it's a fucking freezing night, it's not raining yet so we've got the top down. The icy wind is bitter but wildly exhilarating as it buffets around the open cabin. I'm driving and Ness is playing DJ, flicking songs over, playing all the best party type music at top volume as we hurtle down the dark forest lined road to the Reservation. We sing and laugh and dance in our seats the entire thirty minute drive.

Right here… this is pretty much as perfect as life can get.

And she's sleeping over tonight.

I slow the car as we enter the built up area, the music turning down to low thud as we pull up in my drive way and I turn off the headlights.

Ness has her envelopes and I grab her overnight bag as we go in through the front door.

There, on the kitchen table is my envelope, just like Seth described. It's big and white and thick like an acceptance letter.

I can hear dad in the shower, he's regained enough strength to transfer himself from his chair to the shower chair or his bed now.

Shoving my envelope under my armpit, I take Ness by the hand and pull her down the hall, towards my room.

I briefly stop by the door of the bathroom.

"Hey dad," I yell to the wooden partition.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, it's me. We flogged Neha Bay. There was a scout there watching Embry play."

It's pretty freakn' funny having a conversation through the door like this. Over the last few months I've had to see far more of my father than any kid should, I normally would just open the door and stick my head in, but Ness is here and that is not a visual I _ever_ want her to get. The water turns off and he calls out again. "Did he impress 'em?"

"He had the best game ever."

"Good on him." I can hear him shifting into his wheelchair, I hope to fuck he has pants on when he comes out.

"Oh and dad, Ness is here for dinner, it's okay if she says over tonight, isn't it?" the door suddenly opens and my dad wheels out, towel around his crippled waist, manky healing uncovered sore in his leg, his insulin needle bruised fat beer gut out in all he's fat gutted glory. How fucking embarrassing.

"Of course it is," he says, cheeky eyes looking up at us both. He knows just how fucking embarrassing he is. "I'll order pizza. I just want one of those omelets you made us the other day for breakfast, but not too much cream, the lactose makes me gassy." Kill me now.

"I'll make you anything you like Billy Black, just make sure your wearing clothes next time I see you."

Fuck she's good. Always hitting the hardest, with nothing more than simple honestly.

My father cackles as he wheels across the hall, into his room and I make sure to pull his door shut. Neither of us need to be sacred any further.

"Come on," Ness says as soon as the door is shut, "stop delaying, let's get these letters opened."

We bundle into my room, plonking on the bed, the little pile of envelopes between us. "Let's open these ones first," she says picking up the two similar looking white ones, handing me the one addressed to me.

"I'm so freakin' nervous Ness," I say, doing my best to steady my hand that's shaking like an addict in withdrawal. I don't know what I'm gunna do if I can't get out of this shit hole town. I'll probably still follow Ness to Seattle. But I want an education, I want to get a good job, I want be able to provide a good life for _us. _ _Us_…Me and Ness… the one sure thing in my life.

She must see these things in my face, she knows me too well and is contemplative for a second, hugging her envelope to her chest and looking up at me. She's still so much shorter than me, even when we're sitting cross legged on my bed, face to face. It's so cute. She's so cute. God I love her.

"Jacob, you are such a smart and talented individual, you totally know you're gunna top the class. It's gunna be an acceptance letter. You know it, even if you can't get past your own self-doubts, but I have no such doubts." She puts her envelope down on the bed, and comes up to kneel, shuffling closer to me and gently gripping me by the face. Her warm palms pulsing her energy, love and certainty through my jaw. "Do you think I'm kind of smart?" she asks, her face serious but also with just a hint of that starburst twinkle in her eye.

I nod, rolling my eyes a little. Of course she's smart, we all know that if she'd been at the school for more than just this year she'd be the one probably topping the class. "You're the smartest person I know Ness."

"Well then, if I'm so smart, I'd be the best person to recognize someone with equal academic capacity, no? I could never fall in love with someone dumber than me Jake. Have some faith in yourself sweetheart. There is no doubt in my mind that this is an early acceptance letter to Washington; you are _more_ than capable. I love you so much baby, you're beautiful on the outside, but Jake, you're _magnificent_ on the inside. You have the most loving and giving heart, you're so witty, and fun and god… you're so smart, you're so good with numbers and _soooo _good with your hands. You, my sweet man, are the all-round package, and I love you, no matter _what_ the future brings. But there is nothing to be nervous about, because this here envelope," she leans back a little, raising the envelope between us and pickup her own back up, "it's an acceptance letter."

She's probably right. But it doesn't stop me from still being a little nervous. My hand's stopped shaking now at least. I have everything riding on U of W and it's the only university I'm willing to go to. Even my back up, Western is a bit too far away. Why can't life just be easy for once?

So, taking a deep breath we both hold up our envelopes and counting to three, tear the end open. Ness dives into hers, and I keep mine covered for the moment, happy to watch her as she raises out her package. It's a thick glossy folder full of papers, and a cover letter clipped to the front, the bold deep purple of Washington's colors on the letterhead. She quickly skims through the letter, her eyes flicking over the sentences, a brilliant smile lighting her face, all he confirmation I need to know. Ness is in.

"Your turn," she beams, looking up at me. God she's magnificent when she smiles like that.

"Okay," I whisper, chewing on my lower lip and digging my fingers in. I slide the paper out but I don't know what it is yet, I have my eyes closed, I can't look at it. I just hold it out in front of me for Ness to read. I just wait for her to, hopefully, attack me with a great big hug and one of those ear piercing squeals.

But she doesn't, there is silence followed by a quiet, "oh."

I open my eyes, flipping the letter towards me.

I've been accepted in to a college alright… but it's not in the State of Washington.

It's in Massachusetts.

* * *

...

* * *

**A/N: Happy V day folks, I hope you all have a Jake of your own or a least a good story to help daydream about him.**

**Thankyou so much Aretee for all the help you gave me on this Chapter. I am now much better versed in the food stuffs at a typical high school basketball game. Frito's, who knew? Another thing to add to my **_**'Food I'm gunna try when I visit the USA'**_** list.**

**And Sarah, thankyou for babysitting tonight ;-D**


	42. Chapter 42 - Decisions

**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**

_**Taking a deep breath we both hold up our envelopes and counting to three, tear the end open. Ness dives into hers, and I keep mine covered for the moment, happy to watch her as she raises out her package. It's a thick glossy folder full of papers, and a cover letter clipped to the front, the bold deep purple of Washington's colors on the letterhead. She quickly skims through the letter, her eyes flicking over the sentences, a brilliant smile lighting her face, all the confirmation I need to know. Ness is in.**_

_"**_Your turn," she beams, looking up at me. God she's magnificent_ when she smiles like that.**_

_"**Okay," I whisper, chewing on my lower lip and digging my fingers in. I slide the paper out but I don't know what it is yet, I have my eyes closed, I can't look at it. I just hold it out in front of me for Ness to read. I just wait for her to, hopefully, attack me with a great big hug and one of those ear piercing squeals.**_

_**But she doesn't, there is silence followed by a quiet, "oh."**_

_**I open my eyes, flipping the letter towards me.**_

_**I've been accepted in to a college alright… but it's not in the State of Washington. **_

_**It's in Massachusetts…**_

* * *

**Chapter 42- Decisions**

"What are you doing!" she yells, jumping of the bed and pulling the paperwork out of the little trashcan I have by my desk.

"I'm not going, so there's no point. I don't know why I even applied. Doing that essay was a day of my life that I'll never get back."

Back in October Ness convinced me to apply to all these prestigious schools and vie for scholarships within the Indian and various Engineering communities. She'd found me one that was too good to be true. A NA scholarship specifically for engineering majors that linked in with some of the larger private research universities. Universities like Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

But it is true, and I may or may not have just been awarded it. I don't know, I'm not gunna read it. There's no point, I'm not leaving the state; I'm not leaving dad.

Ness is sitting on my floor, unwrinkling and sorting the particularly large glossy folder with all the information I'd just tossed in there. She's quiet for a minute, ignoring my rant and just reading the cover letter, her little fingers flicking to the next page and then the next as she skims through the words.

I'm being a bit of a child about it, I know, but I'm not gunna leave dad to fend for himself so I can go off to the most prestigious Engineering school in the whole damn world. I'm not. And even if I was, I can't afford it anyway. My father doesn't have the kind of collateral I'd need for those size student loans. So, I don't see the point of reading about how great the school is and how much I'm gunna love my academic life there. I've just got to hope that Thursday's mail brings a Washington letter the same as Nessie's.

"I think you should read this Jacob," she says quietly but not leaving any room for argument as she holds the retrieved papers up to me. I'm gunna argue anyway.

"Ness for the hundredth time, I'm not leaving dad. I'm not going out of state. Will you just **leave it**?"

"You've got a full ride Jake. To _MIT_. You can't just throw that away!"

"Watch me," my voice cool and eerily calm. I stand, ripping the papers from her hands and storm down the hall.

"What are you doing?" she calls, her voice confused and not believing that I'm actually dead serious about this. "Stop you moron…. Jacob!"

She's chasing me as I storm outside into the darkness and into the rain that's started up. I jog down the steps and to the big trash can that's waiting for tomorrow morning's collection on the curb. "Billy!" she yells back towards the house. "Where are you?! Come and talk some sense into your idiot son."

She's calling out from the cover of the porch, having not followed me out, not wanting to get wet. I don't blame her; it's fucking freezing in this February rain. I don't want her to get wet either.

I spin on the spot, fists balled up at my sides as I yell at her from my position on the curb. "Don't fucking bring him into this Ness! He's fucking sick!"

"He has a right to know about this Jake! Someone's gotta talk some sense into you." Then her shoulder slumps a little, her head tilting to the side in a plea. Her eyes are soft and glassy, she looks so sad for me. _I_ _don't need her pity_, I think to myself, she's the one trying to push me away from her. "At least consider it Jake. Think of all the opportunities this could bring you? We can work something out for your dad. This is an opportunity of a life time Jacob, don't make any rash decisions."

"It's not a rash decision Ness!"

I'm so angry at her for always thinking she knows what's best, trying to force her opinions onto me, and for trying to send me away. She has no idea what my life is like. The sacrifices I have to make. No one's depending on her, she's allowed to just be normal teenager. She gets to stay here.

"I was never gunna go anywhere but Washington. The only _rash_ decision was applying in the first place, letting **you** talk me into submitting the damn application!"

"Jesus, I didn't hold a gun to your head Jake! Why don't we just see what your dad says?" she steps down the first front step, her hands held out, one foot still on the landing, still dry. "Come on, you're soaked, you're gunna get sick in this rain. Come and talk to me? See if we can change your mind."

"No. I don't need my mind changed Ness. Can you just leave this be?"

"No Jacob, I can't. This is potentially a life altering decision. I want to talk about it!"

"Well I don't! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU CARE, NESS! JUST MIND YOUR OWN DAMNED BUISNESS, WILL YOU?! THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU. **JUST GO HOME**!" And with that, I turn an about face, my back to the warm light of the house and my back to Renesmee. I tramp through the sodden mud, over to the refuge of my garage, fuelled by own self-righteousness and _possibly_ misplaced aggression.

I need time to cool off, I'm just so frickin' angry about this. Why does she keep on pushing? _Pushing, pushing, pushing_. I can't be the person she thinks I can. I'm just me. I'm not capable of all that she thinks I am. Yeah, I might go and get myself a college degree. I might get off of the Res, but it'll never get the res out of me. I can't really ever escape it. I can't be free of my responsibilities. Of dad. Of my heritage. Of what belonging to such a small community of people means.

We tribal kids are encouraged to go out and see the world, get educated; but then we're expected to come home; give back to the community, help to make the Quileute people a better nation from our new knowledge and contributions. I agree with that, it's the right thing to do, I want to give back, I do. But it means I'll never really be free of this place. No matter where I go, all roads will lead, not to Rome, but back to La Push. Why escape the inevitable?

The University of Washington is more than enough.

So, with a huff and a sigh, I sit on the old upturned paint bucket I have by the work bench. I shouldn't have yelled at her like that, it's not Ness' fault my dad's health is fucking up my life. All she wanted was for me to do is talk to her about it. And the only reason being that she wants me to succeed and excel in life. The problem is that my idea of success is far more modest and far more _local_ than hers. I'm not a special as she thinks I am. I push away the idea that she might be right considering I've gut been awarded a scholarship into such a competitive school, she's not right, I can't do it.

She's right about one thing though, this could be a life altering decision, not just for me… but for _us_. She's with me for the long haul.

She still didn't have to push so much.

I also realize that juvenile envious part of me is punishing her for flirting with Quil in English today too. And for getting that E-card from _Lussa_. Stupid insecurities.

With heavy pain in my chest at my puerile outburst, hiding away in my sanctuary of car parts and the smell of engine oil, I suck in a humbling breath. I can't believe I yelled at her like that. Told her it wasn't her concern. What a horrible lie. Of course it's her concern, we are one; she moves, I move. Without Ness, I have nothing. I'll talk to her soon, I just need a few minutes to simmer down.

What I need right now, is to do something that is mind numbing and all-consuming. I need to do something that'll help me focus and forget. I need something to pull me from this brimming edge of tears i'm felling in my eyes. It's an illogical compulsion, I feel like curling up into a ball and... bawling. I just cant see any hope. I feel empty. It's all to hard today. I don't know where these intense over-reactive emotions come from. But I push it down; down, down, down down. And heft a heavy motor-mower engine on top of the feelings to keep them buried. I start tinkering with the old lawn mower I got off Quil's mom a few months ago. I've wanted to see if I can fix it up and sell it for ages. Now seems as good a time as any to start. My hands are fiddling with the flywheel, seeing if I can get it off without damaging the key-way, the smell of two stroke fuel is in the air. The muffled sound of my dad and Ness talking back at the house is all I can hear. I say hidden in my shed.

* * *

It's quiet, the rain silencing on the tin roof above me, a howling wind whistling through the half ajar barn door, the winter call reminding me of just how cold I am in this soaked sweatshirt. I take it off, unpeeling it from my goose bumped skin, content to punish myself a little more by siting in just a t-shirt and a damp pair of jeans in temperatures only a little above freezing. I just sit on the little upturned bucket, my knees angled up around my arms, my fingers are spinning the flywheel around and around and around. I feel numb, lost and in a daze. I'm not thinking about Ness, I'm not thinking about collage and not about dad's health either. I just sit and stare blankly, thinking about nothing. I don't know how long I sit here; staring unfocused at the small engine in front of me, my mind empty, all the muscles in my face deadened.

The world outside is a buzzed humming nothing, I don't hear the rain outside, or the silence from when it stopped, but something does eventually wake me from my daze. The sounds coming from outside are now stark and clear, noise traveling easily in the winter air, my now alert ears making plain the sound of her car starting up… and then the distinct sound of it driving away.

That's what wakes me from my daze.

_What? _

She just left! I know I told her to leave, but I never actually though she _would. _

I feel sick to my stomach. God, I've fucked this whole night up royally. Some valentine's day this is turning out to be. I push the tears down again, stashing them in my back pocket as I stand, retrieving my phone from the pocket as it beeps at me with a message.

_*Let me know when you're ready to talk about this like a grown up.*_

It's just those words on the screen. No 'XOXOX', no '_Love Ness_', not even a smiley face. I can't remember the last time she's sent me a message without a little symbol to round it out. Isn't it funny how it's not the insinuation that I've acted like a child that's got me paying attention, it's the lack of a god damn _emoticon_?

Well fuck her, and fuck this whole god damn day. The anger seeping out instead of the tears.

I pick up the 1 ¼" chrome socket that's been staring up at me from its cosy little spot in its tin and peg it against the old door leading to the direction that car drove away in.

* * *

It's almost a half hour later, I have the flywheel, the condenser and the ignition coil all laid out neatly on an old towel. My hands are dirty and I'm a little pissed that I got grease on my damp Spartan's t-shirt. I'm more pissed at Ness for leaving without even a goodbye though. Our first disagreement as a couple and she bolts. I know I'm _conveniently_ forgetting that it was me who did a runner to the shed first. _And_ I treated her like an asshole. Don't say it…

_Hypocrite_…

Agh, you had to go and say it didn't you?

I'm pulled out of my concentration on the small motor by a blast of cold air that's assaulting my skin and the sound of wheels in the mud outside the door. My father entering the shed. I can't remember the last time dad made it this far away from the house.

I feel the shame right in the pit of my belly, the contemptuous bile I feel towards myself, bubbling up into my throat. Here is my father, recovering from a massive heart attack, needing me to look after him, and all I do is drag him out in to the rain, give him cause to worry and keep him up at night. Even when I'm right here I can't look after him. How the hell am I gunna do it from Seattle? See? There's no way I could do it from Boston.

"What are you doing out here dad? It's too cold." The fight has left me, a combination of my self-induced isolation and the cold, numbing me both from within and without.

"Could say the same thing to you son, at least _I_ have a jacket on."

I huff a little, standing and finding a rag to wipe my dirty hands on. "I just needed a few minutes to cool down. And then, when she left, I needed a few more." Derision is in my voice. I've brought his whole fiasco on myself, I can only hope that Ness loves me enough to forgive my hostility.

"She tells me you got accepted into MIT?"

I am silent. Fucking Ness, tattle tale. Using dad to guilt me.

Dad just watches me, sitting from his perch, hands loosely draped across his lap, "And that you won't even consider going there."

I'm still silent, suddenly finding the ignition coil very interesting. How the heck do I tell dad? How do you tell someone they're the reason you won't allow yourself to even contemplate going to one of the world's top schools. How do I tell him that, without him feeling like an anchor weighing me down? Because he's not. He's my father. There is no burden.

No matter how tall I get, I'll always look up to him—even from his chair. He struggled so hard with us when mom was sick. Even as an eight year old I remember how much he did for my sisters and me, and then, how he had no choice but to keep on living and existing, doing laundry, making diner, helping me with homework, and just simply _being_ there for us when she was gone. He never had the luxury of self-indulgent grief. He sacrificed so much for me. It is no burden to love my father.

But I know he will see my reluctance to leave as him holding me back.

Dad doesn't give me the time I need to formulate a PC reason for my refusal to consider the letter. He lets out a loud, tired, dawn out sigh, his eyes closing in silent prayer before breaking the reticence in the air between us.

"Jacob… son," his eyes are still closed as he speaks towards the rafters that create the loft my mother used as a panting studio above us. "I don't understand why you won't talk to any of us about this. There is a quote I read about Sitting Bull once, he said, _Let us put our mind together and see what life we can make for our children."_ I know that quote, it's hanging on the back of the bathroom door at Embry's house.

"Two heads are better than one, Jacob. I know you're a smart boy. You got that from your mother. But you don't know everything son. We need to all sit down and talk about this. Nessie's is right, son, this is too good an opportunity to throw away."

"I'm no t_hrowing_ it away," I rebut petulantly, a shoulder coming to my ear. I realize with a sense of acquiescence that I'm doing exactly what Ness said I should do… talking to my dad about it. "I shouldn't have applied for it in the first place." My reasoning seems sound to me.

He rolls his chair forward a little, closer to me where I sit on the upturned bucket. "None of that matters, Jacob." His sturdy and strong hand reaching down to grip my blackened greasy one. Dad and I have the same hands. I got that from him.

_And_ our stubbornness.

"The thing is, you did apply, and now you're in. For the record, I don't think you should turn it down, but if you're gunna, then it has to be for the right reasons. Not because of me, son. I'll be alright without you, I'll survive."

That's my problem. I'm dead scared he won't. He won't survive.

Instead of saying something like, '_It's not you I'm staying in state for dad, don't go giving yourself a big head'_, I simply don't answer him. I don't jump up in rebuttal. I don't bother with the lie that I know he'll see through.

Through my silence, he just keeps on coming back with more home truths. One that I haven't even let _myself_ think about. The one that'll hurt the most.

"And so will Ness… she'll still be here when you get back. And if not, then it wasn't meant to be." I know he's right and the voice of sage wisdom, yada yada yada. But I kind of want to smack him in the face for even voicing a world where Ness and I weren't meant to be. I _know_ we'd survive four years apart. We'd survive it. But a little piece of me would still be dead inside from the pain of that protracted separation.

And that's the clinching factor. The bit I really don't want to talk about. As much as my pussy, macho brain loathes to admit it to anyone— even her. I don't want to leave the state because I don't want to leave Ness.

The same way she just left me twenty minutes ago.

Did she leave? Or did I _push_?

Like a cold slap of winter air after emerging from a sauna, my chest constricts, my throat is tight, and my skin is aflame. She didn't _leave_, not of her own accord at least, I told her too. I shoved her away. She pushed me, but I pushed back, _harder_.

"I've got to go fix this," I say to myself, standing and pulling my hand from dad's. "Oh Fuck." My hands covering my face as I just realize I've told my _life itself_, that _my_ life doesn't concern her. I sent her away.

I'm not gunna call her, I've got to go _see_ her. Beg forgiveness—on my hands and knees like a dog if need be.

Abruptly ending our heart to heart, I move behind my dad, my hands gripping manically on the handles of his chair and spinning him around. "Come on dad, let's get you back inside, then I gotta go take a drive. I'm such a screw up some times. Such an asshole. No wonder she hates me and left."

"You're not a screw up, Jacob," he says over his shoulder as I jog us over the muddy side yard, towards the added on ramp to the front door. "An asshole, yes, but not a screw up." He laughs at his lame joke. I know my dad doesn't think I'm an asshole either. But he's my dad, he's meant to think I'm perfect. His unconditional approval doesn't count. I know though. I _know_ I was an asshole to her before. He keeps up with the passenger seat praise, "and Ness doesn't hate you; Spirits, that girl is so far gone in love with you she doesn't know which way is up. She still loves your angry ass Jake, don't you worry about that."

We've made it to the cover of the porch, only a little wet from our rainy night-time dash. I step ahead of dad, letting him take control of his chair now that we're on a flat surface. I move to the front door, holding the screen open as he shucks of his jacket with one hand, pushing the wheel of his chair with the other.

"I'm gunna just get a dry shirt on and then I'm gunna go. Is that okay if I'm out late? I gotta fix this, dad."

"What the hell are you talking about, son?" his wet jacket on his lap as he stops just outside the doorway.

"Ness, I shouted for her to go home like an unappreciative child, and she did. I gotta fix things."

Dad just looks at me for a few seconds, before his stoic face cracks into a toothy grin. Dad's got good straight teeth. I got that from him too. "She didn't go home you fool, she went to get the _pizzas_. She loves you Jake, you think that little stunt you pulled was gunna scare her off? Shame on you Jacob, you should know Ness better than that. She's you're ultimate someone and I'm pretty darn sure you're hers. She's here for the long haul."

As if to punctuate my father's words, the porch is illuminated by headlights as her now top up convertible pulls into the drive way.

She just went to get the pizzas.

Before she even gets a chance to kill the engine, I'm down the steps, and opening the driver's door for her.

Her face is startled by my sudden intrusion as the interior light illuminates her perfect skin, her cherry lips forming a lopsided 'O'. I kneel down outside the door, on the rough gravel in the drive, my hands grabbing hers to hopefully hold her attention. "Oh baby, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I don't know what's wrong with me some times. I just get so angry. I didn't mean what I said. Of _course_ what I do is your concern, of course we should talk about it. I'm sorry I was such an asshole."

Ness is quiet though my rushed but heartfelt apology. Her eyes flicking back and forwards between mine, a softness and concern behind the budding starburst in her irises. She pulls one hand from mine, raising it and laying it gently on my cheek. The warmth and care seeping into my cooled skin, "Don't," she whispers, "it's me," her lips only inches from mine, we're eye to eye like this; Ness, seated in her low to the ground, could do with a little more love sports car, and me genuflecting on painful sharp pebbles at her feet, my jeans getting soaked through from the puddles I'm kneeling in.

"I'm the one who kept on nagging you about this. Ignore that text I sent." She's shaking her head in self persecution as she speaks, her eyes closed, "You talk to me about it when you want to. _If_ you want to. I mean… if you just want to ignore it. Well then… that's you choice. You were right. It's _your_ life. Only you can make those kind of choices. I'm gunna respect that."

"No Ness, _you _were right. You and me babe, we're a team right?" I butt in. "And all teams have a huddle. We gotta have a huddle when the game play changes."

She just laughs at me, a small chuckle through her nose. "You and your football analogies," snickering as she gives me a light tap on the cheek. "Yeah baby, a huddle. But I want you to know, that from now on, you're the QB for your own life Jake. I'm just the play adviser. I might not agree, but I'm gunna respect your wishes. You were very clear Jake, even back when we were writing the essays and I just bulldozed though. Pushing you, impressing, and convincing you that you wanted the same things that _I_ wanted for you. That's not this kind of relationship I want. You have the right to your own opinions. So I'm sorry. Sorry I pushed you. I just want you to meet your potential, but not at the expense of your happiness." Her voice is sweet and loving… penitent.

"I don't think I could ever be happy so far away from everyone Ness; from Dad…" my hand winding under her hair, cupping behind her pretty head, my thumb brushing along her pink, defined cheek, "or you Nessie. I don't think I can ever go more than a night without you sweetheart. I don't want to be that far away from you."

I see her lips part, a shimmer of tears behind her nodding smile as she accepts this as my point on the matter for now.

"So can we just gunna leave the subject of college rest for now?" I ask, raising up off the muddy grit. "I promise that we'll talk about it… eventually. Did you read when I have to respond by?" I know she read the letter after I threw in in the trash in my room.

"Not until May."

"Well then, I promise we'll talk about it before May. A _real _grown up talk—_with_ dad. But for now, let's just let sleeping dogs lie?"

She closes her eyes, nodding in conciliation. Then she shifts in her seat, swiveling to put her little feet on the edge of the doorway. "You know we'd be alright if you went away? I'm as committed to this, to _us,_ as you are Jacob. I know we're young still, but I do want to make a life with you. I can't imagine a future without you starring front and center. That tapestry you gave me… it's going in _our _home."

I know this, I've never felt more secure about anything in my life than the feelings Renesmee and I share. We're are bound together for eternity. I nod, tracing a stray hair over her eyebrow, her hair is soft and the wandering ringlet curls around my finger as I tuck it behind her ear. "I know, but I don't really want to put myself, or you, through that particular kind of visceral, emotional torture."

She stares up at me, her eyes delving into my soul. It could be unnerving how she does that, but it's not, it's fortifying, serving to only re-enforce what we've just said. We'd be okay if I went away for college.

But dad wouldn't, and she promised we weren't gunna talk about it anymore tonight.

She must see it in my eye, my silent plea to just 'drop it'.

I swear sometimes she can read my mind.

"Okay," she whispers, both hands finding my cheeks and pulling me down for an easy kiss. Our lips meeting lightly, like cotton candy on a wet tongue, dissolving and melting in its delicateness.

Kissing Ness is easy. Loving her is even easier. Even after all these months of being together, I'm still pleasantly surprised that, no matter how heavy our words sometimes get, or that even when we've found ourselves at a stalemate, my body still hums at her frequency. Our bodies always make some kind of headway together.

She pulls back from our treacly and warmed to caramel kiss and abruptly turns in her seat, reaching over to the three pizza boxes on the passenger side. "Here," she smiles, thrusting the boxes into my arms, "let's go eat before they get cold."

She gets up out of her seat, then bends back in to the car to grab her handbag, giving me a stellar view of her ass. God she has a good ass. I feel The Big Chief stirring, twitching to see if he can get close to what's just south of those curves. MIT and well-meant misunderstandings suddenly long forgotten.

Ness straightens, crossing her bag diagonally on her chest as she closes the car door. Her boobs just screaming for attention with the strap dividing them like that.

She smiles at me, tutting as she notices my eyes glued to her perfect round sponge cakes. "Ah ah-h," she embargoes, shaking her head, covering up her Congo-bongos like I've never seen her Pointer Sisters before. I have…twice today already; once, covered in oil at my before school valentine gift presentation, and another, this afternoon in the backseat of my car, little pink buds jutting out from the shirt I had bunched halfway up her chest as I reaffirmed my schoolboy, jealous, caveman tenure. I think a third, make-up sex _viewing_ is well in order.

"We've got too much to do Jake, we've got to eat dinner, get your dad to bed, and then we've got to do homework."

"Homework! Ness…" I whine. "I don't wanna do homework. Com'on," I appeal, motioning one handed to her boobs, "you can't wear your bag like that and expect me to want to do _homework_!"

She laughs, shaking her head. "You're so easily played Jake." Her arm winding around my waist as we walk towards the house. "Let's just do an hour or so, I need to finish off the Hamlet essay, and _you" _she says, leaning in to me, and poking me with her chin, "haven't finished your Spanish assignment. It's due tomorrow."

"Like I could give two flying fucks about the stupid Spanish assignment right now Ness. Have you seen how good your girls look in that shirt?"

It's just the school Spartans t-shirt, but it's white, and it's tight, and the V neck is just low enough to tease. But oh, do I like this kind of torment.

I want to hold her, maybe get a little feel of side-boob, but I can't because I'm balancing the dang pizzas. She snickers, puling herself closer to me, "and they'll look even better without this shirt and then covered in the rest of that oil from this morning."

"Oh yeah," I breathe, hopeful my dad is tired from wheeling out to the shed earlier. I don't care if he's my father, forty-two years old and the unofficial chief of the tribe. I'm putting him to bed straight after dinner. The _Big _Chief has business to attend to.

"But you have to do your Spanish essay first, sexy man." Her eyes winking at me in her knowledge of just how pussy whipped I am.

Ohhh, she's gunna be the death of me. I pretty sure my poorly stifled moan lets Ness know I'm far from happy about this little bit of extracurricular blackmail.

"And then you can cover my _tetas_ in _aceite de masaje_."

Oh, I like _this_ kind of Spanish assignment study.

Maybe our valentines isn't ruined after all.

* * *

**It's a s****talemate for our heroes. Should he really turn down such a great offer because of his dad and Ness? I'm sure people do. It's going to be— kind of – the end of discussion on the matter. Jake is better at the more… **_**physical**_** form of communication, rather than talk things out. They're gunna get to finish off that bottle of massage oil next chapter at least.**

**As always Aretee, thank you for your edits on this chapter, thank-you for being my sounding board in life AND in letter.**

**Let me know your thoughts boys and girls, I'm going to update again, sooner rather than later this week.**

**Marina**


	43. Chapter 43 - Meeting in the Middle

_**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**_

"_**So can we just gunna leave the subject of college rest for now?" I ask, raising up off the muddy grit. "I promise that we'll talk about it… eventually. Did you read when I have to respond by?" I know she read the letter after I threw in in the trash in my room.**_

"_**Not until May."**_

"_**Well then, I promise we'll talk about it before May. A real grown up talk—with dad. But for now, let's just let sleeping dogs lie?"**_

_**She closes her eyes, nodding in conciliation. Then she shifts in her seat, swivelling to put her little feet on the edge of the doorway…**_

…_**I want to hold her, maybe get a little feel of side-boob, but I can't because I'm balancing the dang pizzas. She snickers, puling herself closer to me, "and they'll look even better without this shirt and then covered in the rest of that oil from this morning."**_

"_**Oh yeah," I breathe, hopeful my dad is tired from wheeling out to the shed earlier. I don't care if he's my father, forty-two years old and the unofficial chief of the tribe. I'm putting him to bed straight after dinner. The Big Chief has business to attend to.**_

"_**But you have to do your Spanish essay first, sexy man." Her eyes winking at me in her knowledge of just how pussy whipped I am.**_

_**Ohhh, she's gunna be the death of me. I pretty sure my poorly stifled moan lets Ness know I'm far from happy about this little bit of extracurricular blackmail.**_

"_**And then you can cover my tetas in aceite de masaje."**_

_**Oh, I like this kind of Spanish assignment study.**_

_**Maybe our valentines isn't ruined after all**_**…**

* * *

**.**

* * *

**Chapter 42 – Meeting in the Middle.**

"Oh, my god. That place has the best salami," moans Ness, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin and tossing it on the empty cardboard box. The greasy boxes are scattered with discarded crusts; Ness never eats her pizza crusts. She says her dad always told her eating her crust would make her hair curly, she says her hair's already curly enough. Yeah it is—and not just on her head.

I want to double check though… with my tongue. If only dad would go to bed. I have a feeling he's gunna cramp my style tonight. I want to try make up sex with Ness. She did promise the application of the rest of that oil from this morning after all. A guys got to get the most out of his Valentines gift.

"As good as the pizzas in Italy, Ness?" my dad asks, perking up a little; he's oblivious to my plans for an impending oily tryst. He finished his third slice a good half hour ago and it's been looking like he was gunna fall asleep at the table while Ness and me kept on eating. I feel like such a dickhead for jumping down the '_I've been abandoned'_ track as soon as Ness's car left. I also feel like a right asshole for hiding out in the garage until dad came and found me. The doctors have been encouraging him to do a little more for himself, but that 80 yard trek through the rain and mud was too much, it zapped the energy right from him. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for being so self-absorbed and for catastrophizing the whole thing with Ness and colleges and not wanting to talk to dad about it.

I feel a bit bad for only letting him have three slices of Pizza for dinner too. Nessie wouldn't let him have any more, healthy heart diet and all. She can be a little bit of a task master when it comes to dad's diet. She wouldn't let him have the pepperoni either, them coming to a settlement with the supreme. 'At least it has a _few_ vegetables on it,' she said. She still made us both have salad too.

"As good as any I've had in Naples," she says, her voice bringing me back to the four walls of this shitty but precious kitchen of my childhood home. Ness gets up from the table, stacking the boxes next to the kitchen trash can. I love seeing her so at home here, Bella never allowed herself to be truly at home. Ness has.

"The secret is the quality of the ingredients, the quality of the crust and the company that you eat it with." Her pretty smile shining at us two fellas as she starts wiping down the table.

Dad turns, pointing an easy finger in my direction. "I guess you'll have to tell us if her secret theory is correct when you compare the Seafood chowder at Joy's to the one they're always banging on about in Boston."

That's the second time he's brought up Collage since we've been sat around the dinner table. I can feel my eyes narrowing at him, he knows I don't want to talk about it. But noooo, he's gotta push. I finally get Ness to drop the subject and my father steps right up to take over instead. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't want to go out of state. I'm not taking that MIT spot. I know it's a great opportunity. But I'm not willing to be away from dad and –not that I'm using it at my main excuse even though it is my closeted main reason— I don't want to be away from Ness. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that.

"Maybe we can go for a little drive when we're over that way for Bella's wedding," she pipes in. "You and me get away for an extra day or two. We could drive up to Cape Cod or Martha's Vineyard. We don't even have to visit, Cambridge." I know what she's doing, she's defusing my ticking time bomb of dad's inability to understand that I don't want to talk about it, yet somehow, she's made it so that we're still talking about it without actually _talking_ about it.

"I promised him we're not gunna talk about it, Billy. He's promised we'll all sit down and talk about the options when he's ready. And that's not tonight." I sound like such a pussy when she says it like that. But it is accurate, so I guess that means I'm a pussy.

Both Ness and dad are waiting for me to chuck a spaz at her now less than veiled talk of MIT and its surrounding area.

"Jesus, would you both stop looking at me like that, I'm not that much of vagina. I can hear the word _Massachusetts _and not end up the fetal position, you know?" It's just that I don't want to be talked into something I don't want. And I guess that, if by definition a pussy is the same as a vagina, I actually am one of those too.

"We know," dad says, "but you did go and give that thick head of yours a pretty decent Brazilian when you simply found out about the wedding. Who knows what you're gunna do talking about the wedding _and_ College in the one sentence." Dad pushes back from the table, ducking the rolled up napkin I throw at his head.

"Ha, ha, very funny. Laugh at Jake's mental illnesses."

He's right though, I do have a tendency to overreact a tad. Ness calls it catastrophizing.

Dad keeps on wheeling his smart-ass out the kitchen, saying his good nights, and slowing enough that Ness can give him a quick peck on the cheek. I really love how easily she fits into this house and how comfortable she is here. And thank fuck Dad's putting himself to bed, The Big Chief has been getting restless, alternating between plank and Roman sit-ups since Ness mentioned sexy times with oil when we were still outside. She calls that a half mongrel. Nessie and her worldly words.

I can still hear dad's chuckles as he disappears down the hall, my eyes meeting Ness's as she smiles quietly from her position against the counter. My own chuckles are silenced by the searching look I see in her eye. The look she gets when she's trying to figure out AP calc.

"What?"

"Nothing, I… just…" she takes a little longer than I'd expect, it's not like Ness to edit her words. "You did cut your hair over a phone call. You're really gunna be okay going to the wedding?" I'm not convinced that was what she was really thinking about, but I am convinced that this wedding is not going to be an issue for me. I need to convince her of it too.

I smile, standing up and striding over to her. "So long as I'm with you, Ness. So long as I'm with you. I can do anything with you. And anyway, my feelings for Bella are long gone. I think the real question is, are _you_ gunna be able to go without calling her out if she wears _white_." I say chuckling, My hands move to her hips, lifting her up so that she's now sitting on the counter, her legs wrapping around me. Her little warm hands holding me tight.

Bella's wedding. We got the invitations in the mail last week. We're all going. Dad's going because Charlie really wants him to go. Ness is going because, even though he's a douche, The Ed is still her cousin. And me, I'm going so that I can help dad; to be with Ness; and because, well… it's Bella. My oldest friend is getting married and I kinda, sorta, _don't _but still _do_ wanna be there.

Once, I had thought the only wedding of Bella's I'd ever attend was one where _I'd_ be the man standing at the end of the isle waiting for her. Now I can't even imagine that ending. I can't conceive of a life where Ness isn't my everything… or as dad like to put it, my ultimate someone. But even without all the extra history and baggage we share, Bella is still an old family friend.

I'm now at a place where I'm confident that I can attend the nuptials of Bella Swann and Edward _Sullen_ and not want to tear either of them new assholes.

Bella and I have kind of patched things up, mostly, oh well, a little. It's more than we had up in Whistler at least. I'm still not completely over the betrayal, but I _am_ over the love.

I got me some Ness, so as far as I'm concerned, Ed can have my seconds.

So, as a consequence of my apparent self-growth, we're all going to New York for the memorial weekend in May.

But right now it's still February, and it's been like, almost 4 hours since I've got myself any kind of Ness related touching. And it feels fucking excellent have her wrapped around me right now; the feel of my hands on her hips as they play with the edge of her sweats. I want to pull them down. I love the way her long graceful neck strains as she looks up at me. The height difference is minimal with her sitting on the counter like this. I barely have to duck my head to kiss her. It makes the easy task of kissing Ness even easier.

My lips meet hers, slowly, languidly, massaging and exploring, all thoughts of arguments and illness, of departures and potential separations, forgotten. It's just Me and Ness, hitting a leisurely first base in my kitchen on a Tuesday night.

We make out for a few minutes, her shirt riding up as my hands form molds around her boobs. It all comes to a screeching halt though, both of us pulling apart abruptly, Ness scrambling to get her top down, when dad wheels back into the kitchen to take his medications.

"Don't mind me," he smirks, eyeing our compromising position and slugging the handful of tablets down with a big glass of water. "Night," he sings out as he exits, only in the room long enough to make us both just start to feel uncomfortable. "You two be good, you hear."

"Never anything but, Billy," she calls to his retreating figure, not a sign of discomfort at being caught with her arms and legs wrapped around me, that ugly sports bra on display. She turns back to me, her brown and gold flecked eyes boring into mine like they do sometimes, "your dad's pretty cool."

I give a non-committal humph. Most parents would have freaked to see their kid pressed against a little sexy woman at dick and pussy height, her shirt half off and her legs wrapped around him like tentacles of an octopus. But no… my dad just says "be good." She's right, he is cool, but I want her to think I'm cooler.

She pulls me back down for a brief tongue filled, hot and heavy kiss, then just a abruptly pushes away with a loud _smack _of lips. "Homework," she says, gently pushing my shoulders, her hands lingering as she does it.

"You sure? You seem to be enjoying this activity right now." I do a little pec bounce under her fingers to illustrate.

"Yes, I'm sure," she jumps off the counter and ambles into the TV room, her laughter like the music of the pied piper of Hamill as I follow after.

I catch up, hands winding around her middle and I pull her ass back onto me. My face burring into that delicious crease where the neck meets the ear. She makes a heated little moaning sound, her shoulder rolling as her body feels my touch. I dot more soft wet kisses over her throat and down her shoulders, a hand continuing the rest of the way down her arm before linking my fingers through hers and raising her delicate sinewy arm up, over our heads. I leave her arm suspended above us and it flops at the wrist, her fingers playing with my hair. My fingertips trace down the edge of her delicate skin, down to the pressure point of her elbow and along the sensitive inner skin of her upper arm. My lips and tongue kissing and sucking at her ear as my hand continues its explorations, tickling over her axilla, rippling over her ribs behind the shirt until my broad, flat hand curves and feels its way over her breast. God, she feels so good to touch.

Her head tilts as her shoulder rises, cutting my lips off from there attachment to her soft skin; her shoulder now rolling as defense and not as an invitation. "I'm serious Jake, no distracting me with your sexy kissing, your essay is due _tomorrow_ and I need to finish my assignment."

"Yes, Jake, she needs to finish her assignment." Fuck me, dad's back, wheeling into the living room and grabbing up his copy of Sports Illustrated. My hand is still cupping over Nessie's tit and I snatch it away quickly. I know he saw me copping a feel anyway.

"Fuck dad, have you got ninja wheels on that thing or something? You're in stealth mode tonight."

"Yes Jacob, I got the clinic to put on special limited edition SAS tires."

Ness is laughing as she moves away from me and starts to empty her school bag on the coffee table.

"I don't think the problem is my wheels, Jake. I think the problem with your hearing; that all the blood have has left your head and is trapped down south." His eyebrows indicating to my barely concealed hard-on in my Levi's.

Ness is now sitting crossed legged on the floor, her face pressed into the polished timber half table as she fails to hide her giggles. The dead giveaway…? How she's holding her side and convulsing like an epileptic. She looks up, her eyes bright and amused. "Burn Jake. That's want you get for always being horny and ignoring your Spanish assignment."

"All right, all right, enough with the ganging up on me. I'll do the stupid assignment. Sheesh, anyone would think it's _Valentine_'s Day with all romance blocking that's going on in this house tonight."

"Romance my ass," dad says, straight faced, "I know romance Jake, and that ain't it."

"Whatever old man," I chuckle, "go back to your magazines and leave me with my real life swim suit model, would ya."

"I'm going, but I'll be back out here if it sounds like anything but studying."

"But what if my studies make me like… really excited?" Ness shouts out, a cheeky smile towards my dad as he disappears into his room.

I shake my head at them both, pointing a propitiating finger at Ness, "Don't you have a Hamlet essay to do?"

"Alright," she says, grabbing my outstretched arm and holding my wrist on the table, setting the timer on my watch. "One hour, then I want a full body massage."

God I want to fast forward that hour so badly. Oil and Nessie's skin is one very sexy combination. Fleshy memories of this morning's before-school-romp, flashing through mind.

"How the hell am I supposed to concentrate now?"

"I don't know, think of rubbing Mr. Banner with oil instead."

I shudder at that thought, Spanish suddenly a little more appealing than massage oil. I'd still be happy to skip homework and go straight to the fucking though.

"Dad better be asleep when that timer goes off."

* * *

Fifty-eight minutes later, I'm in the bathroom taking a piss. I'm satisfied I have finished an, _at least_, A- assignment on the explorations of Juan de Fuca along the Pacific Northwest to hand in tomorrow, and I'm 99.9% sure my dad is now asleep.

Finally.

My watch starts beeping as I saunter back into the TV room. Ness is no longer hunched over her books. While we'd been studying, she's had her hair back in a messy bun, a spare pen stuffed absently into her knot as she'd kneelt down on the rug, old socks on her feet and still in her sweats and school shirt from the game. Now though, her hair is down, the books are all cleared off, and there is a neat little pile of clothes by the foot of the lounge. That half empty bottle of oil sitting proudly on the table.

As cute as she is all at home in her comfy clothes, I'd much prefer this costume—or lack of. Ness is in nothing but her black cotton sports G. She's lying face down on the cushions, her boobs squishing out the sides as they lay pressed against the old faux brow suede. Her sooo, so good, first-class ass just asking to be nibbled as my eyes take inventory of her shapely svelte legs and the way they stretch out along the seat. She's so tiny she can lie the length of our 2 seater lounge with a still little space at her toes— mine normally hang off the edge from the knees down. Her arms are folded above her, her cheek resting on her forearm as she looks at me expectantly.

My fingers reach absently to my watch, silencing the beeps with a longer expanded bleep.

The following silence in the room is deafening.

"God you're beautiful."

* * *

It's amazing the sounds I can elicit from her lips with just my fingers. They have been kneading and caressing the soft lines of her back, happily smoothing over the defines muscle of her legs, playing and rubbing all the sweet spots on her feet for the past ten or so minutes.

"Turn over," I say quietly, my hands surfing over her swells as she does. There is no option but for my hands to go straight for her boobs; a good drop of extra oil for that added bit of slick.

Around and around Giselle and Patricia they go, fanning and needing, soft and firm, alternating between the full round flesh and the tight little buds. They're mesmerizing like this, shiny and sleek, silky and smooth; and when I touch them, like an electric current right to the tip of my dick.

"You look mighty happy there," she smiles up at me, her hair fanning out above her, draped over the big bulky arm rest.

I moan, giving the girls a good old squeeze and a wobbly shake, "they're just so good like this, all shiny and extra, extra soft."

She giggles a little, leaning up and sluicing a little of the oil of her chest and transferring it to mine. I lost my shirt a while back, I know it got that oil stain on it from the mower engine earlier, but I didn't want any more getting on it. What? It's a legitimate reason.

Her little hands rub in the spiced smelling oil, her arms reaching up and tracing the lines of my chest and arms. I'm so glad to be tanned and basically hairless right now. The native genes coming in handy for something.

I can feel a palpable change in the air. This relaxing, foreplay kind of massage has finally stepped up to a hotter fry. Our hands mirror each other, slowly lowering down chests, along lines of muscle. My hands curving over the swell of her hips, hers tracing that line beneath my six pack.

"I love this 'V', Jake. My own personal tour guide to the monument."

"Oh, it's a monument now, is it?" She can call it whatever she likes, so long as she spells it with her lips.

"Oh yeah, it's totally the Washington Monument." Her voice is gravely and hot, her lips trapped between her teeth as she looks at the tent in my shorts like it's a meal waiting to be revealed. "Now let me see this obelisk," her fingers yanking on the cotton leg of my boxers. Mine hook into the sides of her panties too, both of us shimmying out of our underwear at the same time.

God, I love being naked with her.

Ness sits up, guiding me and directing me to sit down, half reclined at the other end of the couch. She crawls up to my end, collecting a small pool of oil in her palm and slowly drizzling it over the length of my dick when she arrives. Warm and oily, her hands cover me, moving up and down; commencing, without question, the best hand job of my entire life.

* * *

Some minutes later, before I arrive at my happy ending, we've moved from third, to home. Still sexy and oily, still on the couch, but her pussy is even tighter and hotter than her hands were. This is better than any hand job could ever be.

Her body is smooth and oily, it's wet, hot and slippery, and gliding easily along my shaft. There is something about the way the oil and her natural liquors blend, it's the wettest and bestest sex I've ever had… especially at 9:45 on a Tuesday evening, the thrill of not being entirely alone in the house making it even better than this morning's was. I hope to the spirits that dad stays asleep.

She's sitting, wrapped around my lap as I lean back on the couch. Her slippery breasts rubbing against my chest as she presses against me. My lips find hers and she winds her arms around my neck, pulling me close and exploring my mouth with her tongue. I can't help but let out a guttural groan, rumbling into her mouth as her exploration brings me closer to that edge.

She reaches behind her for the bottle, pulling me forwards as she leans back, the cool oil dripping over my shoulders and down my spine. With a fresh dribble of oil, her hands are suddenly everywhere; gliding over my chest, rippling down my abs. Her little arms reach around to my back, her fingers running up and down the bunching muscles, each pass her fingers sliding along the line in the center of my spine. Her touch is like a spark of lust, igniting me like gasoline on fire. Her thumbs circle over my lats, exploring all the muscles of my back and then around again, to my chest and shoulders then over my arms where she holds on tight for the ride.

My hands fan over her ass, needing and gripping her softness as I lift and move her up the length of me. Then, with each drop, her breasts bounce, dragging over my chest. Our mouths are ravenous, devouring each other as I drill her to the hilt. Harder and harder we move.

It's become animistic and wild, and 100% mind-blowing.

Our breathing is mingled, I've lost awareness of where my body ends and hers begins. Her breath is mine, her skin is fused with mine, her body surrendered to me. She's making these little high pitched sighs each thrust, the walls of her slippery softness starting to flutter. I reach between us, squeezing her clit a few times, flicking it back and forth in time to my drives.

"Oh Jake," she pants, "Jake, I'm gunna…. I'm gunna…" she never gets the rest of her sentence out, the TV room filled instead with her exulted scream, her walls clamping down on me as I join her, roaring out a loud rapturous cry, filling her with everything I have. The longest, hottest release of my life. Oh my god, dad totally had to have heard that. Oh well, shit happens when you're having mind blowing sex with a goddess.

I lift her, almost to the tip, letting her fall back on to me one last time; the last tremors of our shared climax rippling through us both.

I move my hands, holing her tight to me, my arms wrapped around her little waist as she clings to me too. Our chests moving in time as we catch our breath. I pull her against me as I sit back on the sofa, her slippery boobs gliding side to side against my chest. I realize with a guilty regret that we've probably got oil stains all over the suede couch, dad is gunna kill me if there is a big ass print on the cushion. But this feels so damn good; I couldn't give too shits right now.

"I really like that oil. We're gunna have to do that again some time."

"Yeah," she puffs, her face buried in the crook of my neck. "That's definitely going on the regular rotation."

* * *

…

* * *

We sleep naked, huddled together in my little twin size, her ass pressed into my stomach and my hands free to fondle and feel her curves and her boobs however and whenever I like. As squished as it is, I love being able to sleep next to Ness, I want to wake up next to her every day. I need to save up for a bigger bed. Just this alone, waking up with her in my arms every day, is reason enough to just go to U Dub.

We wake the next morning though, not to a morning glory and hopefully some morning exultation, but to a loud banging on my bedroom door.

"Jake," dad's voice sounds raspy and pained.

I sit up fast, scrambling to get my boxers on. There's something in his voice that has set the hairs on my hair on end.

Ness has pulled the covers over her, scrambling to find her t-shirt. I chuck my oiled stained one from last night at her and open the door.

Dad is sitting there, in his chair, a sick waxy pallor, sweat dripping off of him, his shoulders hunched in discomfort.

"I need a lift to the clinic, son."

"Oh my god, dad! Tell me, is it your heart?"

He nods, rubbing the centre of his chest just the same as he was doing days before his heart attack. It was never heartburn back then, and it's not heartburn right now. "It's not as bad as the first time, but it's still pretty tight."

I feel frozen on the spot. I think I'm about to watch my father die. I don't know what the fuck to do.

That's right, the clinic; I've got to take him to the clinic. That little memo unfreezes my feet and I do a little spin on the spot, indecisive about if I should get a shirt on before I gab the car keys.

Ness is pulling up her sweats and handing me a clean t-shirt as she moves in front of my dad. "Have you had any of your sprays?" she asks, all calm like.

That's right, sprays; the doctors said he has to spray under his tongue if he gets any pain. Thank fuck Ness is here.

"Not yet."

"Well then, let's try one, shall we?" Her voice is sure and commanding. Her composure like a beacon of confident light in a confused storm of worry.

I let her push dad into the kitchen as I follow behind, shoving my shirt on as I walk.

"Jacob, will you call 911?"

"I think it'll be quicker to just drive him Ness."

She looks at me from where she's rifling through the big bag of meds dad brought home with him from the hospital. "No, Jake. Call for an ambulance," her voice sure and calm; a confident and unassailable presence.

I don't know what it is, but I know not to argue with that tone. I call, answering all their incessant scripted questions as Ness gives dad one of his special heart sprays.

He seems to get a small amount of relief from his medication. I hang up the phone to find dad still in pain but looking just a little less shit than he did 5 minutes ago. He's still clammy and a little pale, his eyes are scrunched closed, trapped inside the pain in his chest.

Ness leaves the kitchen, coming back with a washcloth to wipe the perspiration off dad. The sweat just beading right back in the wake of the material.

"Here," she says, holding up the little red bottle of liquid medicine to my father's mouth," have another spray." Dad does as he's told, opening up his mouth like a baby in a high chair and letting Ness spray the stuff in.

We all turn our heads to the sound of a siren echoing over the forest at it approaches my home. I feel a surge of relief that help is almost here.

Ness is crouched down in front of dad, one hand on his knee as the other reaches blindly behind, finding my fingers and giving me a strong reassuring squeeze. "You'll be okay Billy. You've got to take this medicine as soon as you feel the tightness. No waiting," she scolds softy, releasing my hand and attempting again, futilely, to wipe the sweat off my father's brow. "Jake, go get dressed, that way you can go with your dad in the ambulance."

I do as I'm told, too.

* * *

A half an hour later, I'm sitting in the ER waiting room. My head pressed up against the cool of the window pane as I slouch in the corner, watching the rain as it runs down the glass in haphazard rivulets. What a surprise, it's raining in Forks.

The paramedics gave dad more of those sprays on the way in. They hooked him up to all kinds of chest electrodes and arm drips, pumping him full of some lifesaving medications. They were pretty sure that he wasn't having another heart attack, only an angina attack. I know it's juvenile but I can't hear that word and not think about vagina in the next thought, they just sound too damn close. Vagina. God that was good sex last night.

Ness was right, I'm glad we didn't drive him ourselves. The medic who rode in the back with us was really good, just his eyes, the way they looked at us with reassurance and nurture had me relaxing and relieved alone. Dad was looking so much better by the time we arrived. They treated him as we drove to hospital, by the time we got here, his pain was almost gone, his sweat had dried up and the chief had a much healthier looking 'red skin' painted back on his hide.

* * *

The automatic doors from the public entry open and Ness walks in; dad's overnight bag on her shoulder, two steaming cups of coffee balanced on top of one another, a grease soaked paper bag filled with what I'm hoping is something delicious from Joe's diner clutched between her fingers and her phone trapped between her shoulder and her ear as she looks around the room for me.

"I don't know Rach," she says into the phone, walking over to me. "I just arrived, I don't thinks it's as serious as last time. I gave him two of the sprays and he was already improving before the paramedics even arrived." She gingerly holds out the coffee and food and I take my share, opening the bag and smiling as I see a big bacon and egg roll waiting to be devoured. God she's perfect. "I don't know Rach. Here, let me put Jacob on—"

Ness hands me her cell, "I don't know anything more yet either," I say, to both her and my sister on the line.

I don't even get to say hi and she's in to it.

"Well! Are they going to transfer him to Seattle again? What the fuck's going on? I thought they fixed it all with the stents in December?! Are you even looking after him Jake?!"

She sounds panicked and frustrated, a bit like how I felt half an hour ago. But I saw dad improve, I saw him look a fuck load better. I got the luxury of calming my fears with my own to eyes. And this isn't my fault, so she can fuck off if she's gunna start blaming me about our dads shitty heart. I have to hold my tongue so bad, I wanna tell her that she's welcome to come and live here if she thinks she can do a better job. I'm still in fucking high school for fuck's sakes. The way she ran and never looked back, like she was being chased out of town by mom's ghost itself, she doesn't get to say shit.

Nessie wraps her arm around my shoulder, a simple fortifying gesture. I hold my tongue.

"Calm the fuck down, Rachel. They made me sit in the waiting room. We've only been here for ten minutes, he was looking way better when we got here. It's his fault for not taking the damn sprays as soon as he got the pain. Don't start blaming me."

"Sorry… Sorry, I'm not blaming you, Jake. I'm just so frustrated. You have no idea how hard it is to be so far away when this kind of shit happens."

"Yeah, well, being here's no piece of cake either."

I trap the cardboard coffee cup between my knees, freeing up a hand and using it to pull Ness against me. Her little warm body snuggling up under my chest. Her strength is my pillar.

"Have you called Rebecca?"

"No, I haven't had a chance, this has all just happened in the last half an hour."

"Alright, I'll call Becks and… can you call me back when you know more?" I can hear her tears.

"Yeah sure, sis. And hey, he really was looking okay when we got here. The paramedics said it was just angina."

"Yeah, well… tell me when you speak to an actual doctor. And Jake… I know you're a boy, and all tuff and stuff… but J, can you give dad a massive kiss and a hug for me?" Yep, she's crying.

"Sure Rach; sure, sure. I'll call you when we know more."

"Okay, love you little bro."

"Love you too, sis." My chest is tight with the weight of all these adult burdens.

I hang up, handing Ness back her phone I put my coffee on the ground, take hers from her hand and put it on the ground too. I leave my untouched breakfast on the seat next to me and I take Ness in my arms, pulling her tighter and flush against my chest. Her warm body seeping relaxation and love into my bones. I just hold her to me for what seem like minutes, breathing in and out, focusing on all the things I just told my sister. He was okay when we got here, he looked better, it's probably not another heart attack.

Then why is it taking them so long?

* * *

We don't say much as we wait. I silently eat the roll, filling my gut with food when it still feels empty with despondency.

After 45 minutes of waiting, a nurse comes out with a relaxed look on his face. Waving us to come in, letting us know that is was just as suspected, an Angina attack.

* * *

We go behind the curtain to see dad reclining in a bed, he's still attached to the heart monitor, in a hospital gown, sipping on a coffee in a plastic thermal hospital type cup.

"Oh dad," even I can hear the heaviness and apprehension in my voice. He puts his cup down on one of those little wheelie tables, opening his arms for me to lean into him. I release Nessie's hands, leaning in and letting dad pull me in for one of his patented hugs. He fucking scared the shit out of me… again. "Rachel wants me to give you a big hug and a kiss, just tell her I kissed you." I say over his shoulder, my back hunched as I lean down to the bed.

Me and my bigmouth. Dad turns his head, planning a big wet kiss on my cheek. "It's alright son, I'll give you enough for the both of us." He's left a big patch of slobber on my cheek, it's gross but I can't seem to bring myself to wipe it off as our arms drop and I stand up straight.

"So what did the doctor say?" Ness asks, leaning in and giving my father a hug, she's not too macho to give him a kiss the cheek though.

"Apparently this happens sometimes. They unblocked the arteries that'll kill me but there's still some that are just half blocked that might give me some grief now and then. I just got to take that spray as soon as I feel it comm'n on."

"Am I allowed to say 'I told you so?' "

"No," he quips back, tapping her cheek playfully as she pulls back. "Now. You two have school today, I don't want ya being late."

Is he insane? I think he must be high from the morphine or something. "Dad, I'm not going to school today."

"And why not?"

"Um, because you're in the hospital?!"

"So? I'm not about to snuff it, son, I just gotta wait for some extra blood tests and then I'm headed back home."

"Well… we stay until you're ready to go home then."

He shakes his head, flicking his hand in dismissal. "I'll call Charlie or Sue to gi'me a lift back to La Push. Don't you have an assignment or something to hand in?"

Yeah I do. But none of that shit matters.

He takes my silence as conformation. "You only got a few months of school left Jake, can't have you skipping days Willy-nilly if you're gunna take this MIT scholarship."

"Really dad? We're gunna do this here? With you in the hospital? This here, this is exactly the reason why I'm not taking off. I don't want to argue while you have drips hanging off of you, but can we just leave this whole Massachusetts thing? I'm not going, so that's final."

"Over my dead body you're not going. I might not be an educated man, Jacob, but I aint no fool, and only a fool would pass up an opportunity like this."

"Only a FOOL," I snap, the tension of the morning finally getting to me, "waits an hour and a half to take his heart medicine!"

"Fellas," Ness interjects, "why don't we talk about this at another time?" Her hand soothing over my back, rubbing small circles between my shoulder blades.

I sit down on a chair by the bed, my elbows on my knees, my face in my palms.

"Let me call Mrs. Clearwater for you Billy, I'm sure it would make Jake feel better if he knew she was definitely able to come fetch you. Then we'll go home to get ready or school."

There is silence and shuffling on the bed, I assume he's nodded.

"Okay," her voice is calm and mollifying, maybe a little defeated by my lack of communication, too. "I'll just go out to use the cell. Can I trust you two to not start screaming at each other until I get back?" I nod. My eyes still glued to the linoleum floor.

I feel Ness's fingers through my hair, her arm winding around my head and pulling my forehead against the softness of her tummy. I rest my mind there for a moment, comforted by her gentle softness and unconditional love. Her arms wind around my shoulders, leaning down and kissing my crown. "Love you," she whispers and I wrap my arms around her waist, nodding in reply. Then she straightens, "be back in a sec."

* * *

We're quiet for a few minutes, dad breaking the silence first. "You really not gunna go just so you can babysit your old man?"

"It's more complicated than that."

"Enlighten me," his voice is sage and so hard to ignore. My father, unofficial chief of our Tribe, council leader, Elder, a man cut down in his prime by tragedy and poor management of crappy genetics, he has a way of drawing the conversation out of me.

I'm silent, my eyes searching out the doorway that Ness left via several minutes ago. Dad follows my gaze, apparently putting two and two together. "She's not gunna let you stay because of her any more than I will."

"Lucky neither of you get the final say then."

"Talk to her about it, Jacob. She's a smart girl, she can help you figure it all out."

"Later," I say, ending the fledgling conversation quickly as the entry doors open and Ness comes back in.

"I talked to Sue, she's got her clinic this morning on the Res and then she said she'll be up around one to come get you."

Dad nods as Ness checks my watch. "It's seven-thirty baby, if we're gunna get to school on time, we gotta head home now." It's a statement disguised in a hidden question, her head is tilted to the side as she approaches, her arm wrapping around my shoulder as she leans into my seated figure.

She's so tiny, I could just whisk her up off of her feet and cuddle her like a baby sometimes. She'd kill me if I did that though. I turn my head to kiss her, but that leaves me at tit height, she'd kill me if I kissed her tit in front of dad too, so I look up, pulling her down for a safer lip kiss. She obliges bending down to meet me.

We always seem to meet in the middle.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**And if you want a great story to read now, check out Egratia's 'Experiments'**

**Thanks L.**


	44. Chapter 44 - Sitting on the Edge

**A/N: **I just want to say 'Sorry'. Sorry for what happens to our hero by the end of this chapter. I don't think many of you will have seen it coming, though some of you will have. This is actually where I planned on taking this story right from it's inception. Just a few extra things happened to our hero on the way.

Earlier on in this story I had some reviews suggesting that Jake was not 'man' enough and hadn't stood up to Bella when she went all cheater on him. And to some extent they were right. But in saying that, this is a _human_ story, this boy is _human_, with _human_ emotions, and _human_ flaws. And not all of us are confident _alpha_ types. And even though that's the persona we're used to seeing our Wolf-boy be in this FanFic world, that's not the character I set out to create. Most of us get it wrong a lot of the time. I know _I_ do. things can build and build, silently getting heaver and heavier until it's all finally too much. Some of us have better ways of coping with that burden better than others. We do what we can with what we have, and sometimes, what we have at our disposal to deal… isn't enough. So, to those readers who didn't like _pushover_ Jake, if you're still reading... this is why.

(You'll all understand my ramblings by the end of this chapter.)

Thank you Aretee for beta'ing his chapter for me. I think you found it hard knowing where I was headed, but you did it and it's better because of your input.

(big breathy sigh) Any who…Thanks for reading.

Hope you enjoy :-D

MarinaNamaste.

* * *

**_Last time on P &amp; C's…_**

…_**We go behind the curtain to see dad reclining in a bed, he's still attached to the heart monitor, in a hospital gown, sipping on a coffee in a plastic thermal hospital type cup.**_

"_**Oh dad," even I can hear the heaviness and apprehension in my voice. He puts his cup down on one of those little wheelie tables, opening his arms for me to lean into him…**_

…"_**You two have school today, I don't want ya being late."**_

…_**Ness checks my watch. "It's seven-thirty baby, if we're gunna get to school on time, we gotta head home now." It's a statement disguised in a hidden question, her head is tilted to the side as she approaches, her arm wrapping around my shoulder as she leans into my seated figure.**_

… _**I look up, pulling her down for a safer lip kiss. She obliges bending down to meet me.**_

_**We always seem to meet in the middle …**_

* * *

**Chapter 44- Sitting on the edge.**

**Nessie's PoV**

We make it to school with about thirty seconds to spare. Jake has been quiet and pensive all morning. He takes his father's illness personally and I think he feels betrayed that Billy's not doing enough to help himself get better. I also think Jake feels like his dad isn't trying for his son as hard as the son is for his father. I tend to agree.

I've decided to let the collage topic drop. I know he wants it though, I saw it in his eyes for a split second when he found out he got in to MIT; he _does_ want it. He wants it bad. But he has two ball and chains around his neck. Billy… and me.

My father made me apply to several different schools, U of C being one of them. I have to admit, I didn't put a whole lot of effort in to those essays, Washington being the only one I really wanted to get in to. In yesterday's mail though, after I opened mine and Jake opened his, and after his freak-out, I went back and opened my other envelope. It was an acceptance letter to Berkley. I haven't told Jake. I don't want it to mess up his already garbled decision making.

I wasn't planning on going to anywhere but Washington for my undergrad. I wanted to say local so that I could be in good standing for the doctoral program I want… and to be close to Jacob. But if Jake is going out of state… I might think about somewhere else. But just for my undergraduate degree.

I applied for quite a few other high ranking schools, Harvard and MIT included. I haven't received an acceptance letter to anywhere else yet, but I suppose if I did, I might consider attending somewhere like that too. If I went to the east coast then maybe Jake might follow me there.

But it seems crazy to choose a school because my boyfriend will be close by or so he might follow me somewhere. Just as silly as him not going because I _wouldn't_ be close. But I guess I'm used to be far away from my loved ones. Whereas Jake, on the other hand, has only ever known the security of the pacific north coast and as much as he complains, he loves his dad, the people on the Res, and everything about that place—his home.

I just don't know. We have to talk about it. But Jacob won't; he's clamped down on this topic, refusing to budge or even consider it. To me, that level of stubbornness is a red flag of just how far into denial about his own aspirations he is.

I think I might get his sister Rachel to talk to him about going out of state to study. He's still her little brother, maybe he'll do what she says. God knows, after last night's debacle he won't listen to me.

His crazy mood swings and irritability really do worry me sometimes. I love the man nonetheless— unconditionally so. But love doesn't cure all, and it doesn't mean I can't worry about his mental health. I'm sure the neighbors all got a good earful of his hollering and shouting in the rain last night.

And after this morning, I can still hear the echoing siren as it pulled up to the little red house that I've come to call my second home. The sight of the paramedics talking to the two men who live there, my second… almost primary family; it was so agonizing to see the terror in Jakes eyes. That raw fear of abandonment that he's trying so hard to hide–I see it. He's terrified his father, his friend and mentor, will leave him orphaned. I don't think he's quite over his mother's death either. I don't think he ever will be. I don't think he ever _should_ be.

Mrs. Littlesea, the neighbor across the road, came over to see if everything was alright before I'd left to follow the Ambulance in my own car this morning. News travels fast on the Reservation, all the mothers chatting and fussing over the two bachelor men. I'm here for them though, they're not completely without the feminine touch. They really are one big family on that reservation. The Blacks are an important part of the tribe. I feel honored to be even just a small part of it all.

* * *

Quil and Embry search Jake out after homeroom. For all their horsing around, dick flicking, and general pussy name calling, his two best buddies are really okay guys. They actually do care about Jake's dad, and about him.

We're all chatting as we walk towards English class and I have to break off the conversation to answer my phone. It's his sister, Rachel. He seems more than happy to let me field all these conversations. I wonder if he feels a little guilty about it. Even just a _little_ guilty? Now's not the time to broach the MIT subject with Rachel though. She's out of her mind with worry over her father. She needn't be, her really was okay, just a scare. His diabetes on the other hand; the slow insidious killer. That's probably what'll get Billy in the end, _after_ they chop off his ulcerated legs.

As we sit down in class, I'm trying my best to get Rach off the phone before Miss Gordon comes in and confiscates it. She's a cool teacher but she really, _really_ doesn't tolerate phones in class. She's a bit of a bipolar tutor, you never know how harsh she's gunna be on any given day. I can see her outside, talking to someone and I just know I'm gunna get a detention if I don't hang up, pronto. Jake is silently pointing out the door to her, and I'm nodding and trying to get his overly dramatic sibling off the phone.

"Here, let me talk to her," he says, pulling the phone from my hands. "Rach we're in school, we gotta go. I'll call you when I know something, otherwise just text me," and he hangs up before she can even reply back.

Too late though, Miss Gordon is in, and her eyes go straight to me and Jake. Shit!

Her fingers pointing to both of us, Quil and Embry behind us sniggering like children. Did I say something about them being okay guys? I take it back.

"You two; after school, after whatever practice you have. NO PHONES!"

"But Miss—" Jake tries.

"I don't care Jacob. No phones."

"Miss Gordon, his father is in the hospital," I say, "and he was just trying to get his sister off the line for me. It really wasn't him on the phone." I know he won't want me to, but I am gunna help him with this as much as I can.

"Don't Ness," he whispers, giving my thigh a firm squeeze. I love how big his hand feels against my leg. God he's beautiful… and stalwartly as hell.

My hand just pats his and I give him a sideways look.

"He really does need to go straight home after school today," I say to Miss Gordon. "It's my phone. Just give _me_ the detention... Please?"

Until baseball session starts, Jake doesn't have any after school commitments. Normally, he hangs around school until my drill team practice is done so that we can go home together. But today, with his dad being in hospital, I was gunna make him go home at three without me. I can get a lift from someone else. I'll walk if I have to.

"No Ness, don't," he whispers harshly under he's breath again. Jacob has this notion that it is his job to protect me and to not let me take the fall for us both.

I turn to him sharply, "No Jake! You didn't do anything wrong. You're not gunna take the heat for it. And besides, I know you're gunna want to go see how your dad is the minute the bell rings."

The teacher looks at us both for a minute, contemplating the likelihood of our story. "Okay. Renesmee, detention after school. Do you have practice?"

"Until 4:30," I say back quietly, nodding, my eyes avoiding the sea of kids' faces who are staring at me. I don't mind being the center of attention… normally. But normally it's because of my good achievements, I don't really like this negative attention.

"Good, 4:30 then. We can go over your assignment. I'm assuming it's ready to hand in tomorrow?"

"Yes Miss," I reply.

Oh man. I have never got a detention before. Never in my life. I really don't like this feeling. I feel deflated and reprimanded. And to be honest, it's really unfair. But at least I got Jake out of it. He can't afford any detentions if he's going to keep his scholarships. Me, I only need the grades. I'm not too proud to admit that my daddy will pay for wherever I decide to go.

"Fuck that!" Jake cusses under his breath, giving the table a little punch, a few head turning to us from the sharp noise. "This is completely Rachel's fault. Stupid sister. If she wants to know the ins and outs of dad's life she can move back home and stop FUCKING up _our _life!"

Oh Jake. His abrupt changes in mood worry me.

Jacob gives his Aunty Sue a call at lunch time, apparently they're happy with Billy's blood results and she's on her way to go pick him up now. Sue Clearwater is one of the few people Jake will trust when it comes to his dad. Sue, and Charlie Swan; they're all headed over to the Blacks for Spaghetti night tonight.

This over protectiveness Jake shows towards his dad has me worried sometimes too.

"How are you going to get home Ness? You want me to wait for you?" he ask as we finish eating our lunch. We sit at a massive seniors table now; several tables pushed together. Boys and girls mingling; football, basketball, cheer and drill all in a melting pot of cliques. I think Jake and I have made that happen. It's important in such a small school that all of us seniors show a good example and get along. Even poor Jane Turner will now sit with us some days.

"We do have rehearsal today, don't we?" Kim asks me, panicking that she's mixed up her days. His comment has confused her, Jake _always_ waits for me after practice.

"Yeah," I say quietly. I'm so embarrassed to get a detention, no matter how noble my intentions. I really haven't taken this reprimand very well. I know, generally, that don't take criticism well, I normally get around it by simply not getting anything wrong. That is something I need to work on.

"But after that… Ness has got a detention with Miss Gordon!" Quil teases, his tone gossipy and shocked. "What hope is there if Renesmee Cullen is getting detentions?"

Paul Lahote's droll and skeptical voice butts in, "Buuuull shit," his words long and drawn out. He's leaning back on his chair, arms folded over his chest, his legs are stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. "You couldn't get into trouble if you tried little miss-perfect-chastity-pants."

Just because I turned him down all those months ago, he somehow has developed the notion that I'm frigid or something. I not, he's just a year too late. That was all before Angelus. Before I met Jake.

I give Paul a death stare to cover up the tears that I know are threatening. I can't help but hold the little angel pendant around my neck, pulling the complementing cherry one in my hand too. "You don't know the first thing about what I have and have not been in trouble for," I say before my words are choked and strangled by my tears. Dammit! Still, after what is one month shy of a year, random things still come back to _him._

Jake knows though, he knows all the things I was shunned and unfairly castigated for. I still haven't told anyone but Jake. His arm protectively wraps around my shoulder. Just being near Jacob centers my spirit.

"It's not something to be _proud _of Paul," I say. "I couldn't get Jacob's sister off the phone and she caught me." I can feel my eyes are glassy and I can see Paul's discomfort at being a prick about it and nearly making me cry. He doesn't know why, I'm happy to let him think it has something to do with him.

"Fucking Miss Gordon and her no phone policy, almost as bad as Mr. Price and his no gum rule," Paul says, obviously trying to back pedal and be a little bit nice for once in his life.

Paul has had detentions the past three days for chewing gum in gym. The fool kept refusing to spit it out before class and then last week, when Mr. Price almost popped a vein screaming at him, the man-whore pointedly took the gum out of his mouth, ran half way across the basketball court and did an alley-oop, sticking it behind the back board. So he now has detention for the rest of the week. Mr. Price also made Embry jump up and peel it off for laughing.

At the time, Jake and I just shook our heads at the clown. We're the good kids… normally. Not so good if I'm going to detention myself now, am I? I hope this doesn't mess up my applications. I don't think it will. Will it? Oh god.

I need Jake to talk to his dad about this MIT mess. The last thing I want to do is push him to do things he doesn't want to do, but Jake refusing to go out of state isn't about himself, it's about his dad—and about me. Hopefully not too much about me. He needs to talk to his father. The sooner the better.

"Can you give me a lift home then Paul?" I ask, re-gathering myself and settling in against Jake's chest, my head resting above his heart. "I want Jake to go home to check on Billy as soon as school's out."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jake says. I don't think he likes the idea of me being anywhere near Paul Lahote with no other witnesses. "It's okay Ness, I can wait for you. I'll just do some study in the Library."

I sit up, tilting my head and looking up at Jacob and his perfectly square jaw from my short-ass spot. "No, you need to go see your dad, babe. I'll drive over in time for dinner."

"No worries Nessie. I can give you a _ride,_" smirks Paul. Fucking asshole. I know he's just being like that to provoke my boyfriend. But a guaranteed ride home would be good to secure. There's no way he's getting any sort of _jaunt_ out of me though.

"Thanks Paul," I say, closing the book on any argument Jake might have tried to open. And acting as if I haven't got a clue what Lahote meant with his poorly hidden double entendre.

"It'll be my _pleasure."_ Absolute fucking asshole.

* * *

We're given time in AP Spanish to finish up our assignments. I don't need it because I handed mine in a week ago. I'm sitting next to Jacob as he adds some finishing touches to his essay. He's been so quiet these last few hours. He looks so flat and despondent. His elbow on the desk, his head supported by his hand. Not a Jake smile in sight, in fact, I'd go so far as to say he looks depressed. Maybe he should just go home to see his dad now.

I have my hands hidden under the table as I type out a message on my phone. Mrs Ramirez is far less anal about phone use in class than Miss Gordon, especially with me. She always calls me her _alumna estrella_, her 'star pupil'. It's not through skill that Española comes easy to me. I'm just lucky to have the advantage of spending a good portion of my elementary years hanging out with Nahuel in the residence of the Chilean embassy in Switzerland. I was exposed to the Spanish tongue from an early age.

Despite my concerns for Jacob, I can't help but giggle and smile to myself as I type on my phone. Luca is telling me all about his brother's latest epic fails. Paulo has a new obsession with Parkour, but his not very good at it. Jake leans over my shoulder to see what's so funny—not that he can read it, it's all in Italian. I can feel his body tense as he must catch a flash of my ex's profile photo. That being exactly what Luca is to me… My _EX_.

As I look over at him, my fingers just slightly tilt the screen away from him. It's not done on purpose, but I can see that my little unconscious gesture of secrecy pulls at his gut.

Oh Jake. When are you going to just _trust_ me?

It's going to take a long time to rebuild the wounds of mistrust Bella carved into his beautiful heart.

I decide I don't need to talk to Luca right now. I don't want Jake to read into my communicating with my ex any more than I think he already does. I click the lock button on the screen, stuffing my phone in the side pocket of my bag. "Do you want me to give it one last read over?" I offer, gesturing to the hand written essay sitting on top of our shared desk.

"If you want to," he pouts, his face still eerily flat and bland however. I know he's pissed at me for talking to Luca though. He's been easy to anger lately too. But he really doesn't need to be; there really isn't anything going on with Luca and me. I have no feelings for him, and he has well and truly moved on, too. He has a new girlfriend. I've met her once on Skype, she seems nice. He broke up with her last week but they're back on again now. I'll limit the communication with him if Jake asks me to. But he hasn't done that, and I'm not going to volunteer to stop talking to a friend that I will always have some kind of relationship with. We have a shared loss, Lucca and I. That will never cease.

It's the same as Jake and Bella. Their friendship is still being re-mended, but I'm certain that one day they will be a big part of each other's life once again. I would never prevent him from pursuing that. I simply have to trust him. I don't really trust her. But in Jake, I trust.

I ignore his sulking, instead picking up his paper and read over it. It's really good, there is nothing I can edit or add. In fact, I think it's better than mine. This boy has no idea how talented he is.

God, I love him.

"It's perfect Jake, don't change anything else, hand it in."

"Really?" he asks, flip flopping from pout to hesitant pride, the smile I'm after still missing.

"Really. When are you gunna realize that your gunna be Valedictorian and you're gunna get in to the collage of your choice? You even might get a full ride to the best Engineering school in the country. Oh wait, you already did." I know I said I'm going to drop the MIT subject, but he has to see how special he is. He hasn't been told enough. I'm gunna tell him, every day, for the rest of our lives. He is special.

He sucks in a big breath, his mouth hardening. I can see the tight muscles in his jaw pulsing as he tenses.

I think I've just pushed too far.

"I just mean that your essay is great. And over 720 on all your SATs? Jake, people pay thousands of dollars for prep classes to score that high."

He just closes his eyes, nodding unconvincingly and turning away, still with that bitter look on his face. I hate that look, it doesn't go well on his features.

This won't do. He's not gunna shut me out every time he feels a strong emotion that isn't either love, lust, or laughter. I grab him by the hand, pulling on his arm and shifting closer to him, my knee pressing along the side of his leg. "Listen here, Jacob Black," my voice is a harsh whisper. AP Spanish might not be the best place to have this conversation but I know Jake, he fulminates and lets his negative feelings fester… not if I can help it.

I am a firm believer that giving the negative feelings a voice doesn't give them strength. I believe that talking about them helps to heal and move forward while it gives the opposite restorative emotions control instead. I learned that last year. Last year… 332 days ago.

I'll have to ask Luca to put some flowers on the grave for me next month.

"Luca is my friend, nothing more. You are the only boy I want to fuck… the _only one_. Your dad will be okay without you. You cannot control his life, or his health, and at some point, next year for example, you have to live for you, not for others; not even for me."

I take a big encouraging breath before continuing. "Whether or not you will admit it, the fact is, you _have_ gotten an acceptance letter to MIT, you are a very smart person, and you deserve all the good things you get in life. This isn't a punishment Jake, it's an _honor_. I know I said we'd talk about it when you're ready, and we will, but it doesn't mean I can't drop a few hints and complements to you now and then. Okay? You got that?"

He is quiet for a good ten seconds. His face towards the front of class, his eyes narrowed in a scowl and turned towards me. I'm holding my breath, waiting for him to shut me and my insistent methods out. I feel a tight squeeze on my hand as he stands up, his chair loudly grating on the linoleum floor. Standing, he picks up his paper and then leans in towards me, his breath searing against the shell of my ear. The feeling sending a hot shiver over my skin. I can smell his woodsy manly smell. No cologne today, just pure Jake and his masculine pheromones. Oh god, he's so sexy.

"I'm the only boy you want to _fuck_? Just make sure Luca and Lahote know it."

I sigh, as I, and most of the other females in the class, watch him stride up to the teachers desk to hand in the essay before asking to be excused. Then he leaves.

I feel the pull in my chest as he walks out the door. I don't know how to fix this. Everything I do lately only seems to makes it worse. It's not about me, I know that. It still hurts to have him walk away from me though.

I'm pretty sure that if I ask, Mrs. Ramirez will let me be excused too. But should I follow him? Maybe I should give him the rest of the period to himself. We have gym class next, we can talk about it then.

So I stay sitting, by myself, for the last 20 minutes of AP Spanish as kids filter up to the front desk turning in their assignments. As soon as the bell rings I'm up and out of my seat, hurrying over to the gymnasium where we've been doing gymnastics for the past three weeks. It's easy for me. I can to the splits, I can to all kinds of spring jumps, I can balance on a dime on just my tippy toes. I throw on my gym clothes and go and wait on the stand near the boys locker rooms. Waiting for Jake.

I don't want to apologize for what I said, per say, because all I said were some home truths and I'm not sorry I said them. But I do want, desperately, for him to be okay with me saying them. I want for him to tell me he loves me still. To tell me he trusts me. I have never done anything to warrant his distrust, apart from having a past, just the same as he has. We all have a past. He just has to trust me when I say that he is my only future.

I sit waiting. Felix comes out with Cain, a minute later Paul and then Jared. Still no Jake. Quil comes out wearing his jeans, obviously he forgot his gym shorts. Then Embry, who comes to sit by me.

"Is Jake in there?" I ask as he sits.

"No. Just Tom, Paul hid his shirt up in the rafters and he's trying to reach it," he sniggers.

"That's so mean, go and help him get it down Emb. Really, I thought you were one of the good guys." Poor Tom Whelan, he's the short dumpy guy in our class, there's always one of them. He's the one who's probably going to have some kind of massive transformation as an adult after high school and end up a millionaire. And Paul Lahote will always be a bully… and a player.

It still doesn't mean Jake shouldn't trust me to get a five minute ride with the guy. Augh. I just should have said I'll walk home. Or better yet, I should have just hung up on Rachel when I saw Miss Gordon at the door.

I give Embry a shove and he trots off to go help out the vertically challenged guy. And I wait for Jake. And he still doesn't come.

I think it's him for a second as Embry emerges again, Tom Whelan a step behind him wearing a dust streaked gym shirt, but no Jake… he's not in class.

Embry doesn't know where he is, neither does Quil. Mr. Price arrives, getting us all to keep going on the apparatus, I sneak off to the girls locker room, Kim covering for me and send Jake a text.

_*Babe, where are you? You're missing gym.*_

I don't get any reply for the hour long period. It's not like Jake to just skip, certainly without me and never gym, he loves gym class. Even when we're doing gymnastics for the month… _Especially_ now that we're doing gymnastics for the month. He gets to watch me contort my body in to all sorts of shapes. I've seen him perving from the other side of the gymnasium. He loves that kind of stuff.

After gym, I take the long way to chemistry so that I can check the parking lot. My heart sinks a little as I find a big empty space where he parked his car this morning.

He left school. Without telling me… or _anyone_ for that matter. All because I was messaging Luca? Because I brought up MIT? Because his dad was back in the hospital again? Maybe a combination of it all. He hides his stress well, at least at school he does. I'm starting to see the stress fractures forming the better I get to know him. And he's not hiding it or coping as well lately.

I step back out of the cold, and fetch my phone from my bag. Still no text from Jake.

_* Hey, please let me know where you are. If not me, then Embry or Quil. I told Paul that I'll walk home after detention. There is nothing to worry about with Luca with either, Jake, I swear to you. I know you're stressed, but please, don't shut me out. I love you. I hope you're okay. _

_Call me. Please. Ness xxx 3 *_

Kim and Jared are walking past, and they stop as they near. There must be something in my eyes because they both look concerned. Their bodies are in tune and synchronized as they walk up to me. Those two are soul mates. I'm very happy for my friend.

"What the hell is going on Ness, you were weird all period?" asks Kim.

"I still can't find Jake. He took off in Spanish and no one knows where he's gone."

The warning bell sounds and I realize I'm now going to have to hightail it to get over to the science wing of building two in the next three minutes or I'm gunna earn myself another detention.

"Go to class Ness, I'll ask around for you."

"Thanks Kimmy."

"No worries," she says, a supportive hand on my shoulder, "he's probably just gone to see how his dad is."

"Yeah," I say, "Probably."

God how I wish I could believe that. My gut is shouting out in alarm though. I've learned to listen to my intuition.

So, with this unsteady feeling in my chest, I race off to Chemistry class. It's experiment day and I thank my lucky stars I was placed with Benjamin as a lab partner, he has a way with the elements of the Periodic table. It's like he can manipulate them at his will he's so good. I'm no use this period and I let Ben tinker with the silver sulphate, the only job I trust myself to do is to diligently write down our findings.

I check my phone after class. Still no message from Jake. I call his house, Billy is home, he's feeling good, Sue is cooking the sauce for spaghetti night at their house… and Jake isn't there.

* * *

Drill practice is a blur, I can't concentrate, I can't keep time, I can't remember a thing about the new stuff we talked about after our performance at last night's Valentine's game. That was just last night?

I feel like I have whip lash keeping up with Jacob's emotions over the past 24 hours: Oily morning Valentines sex. Jealousy and overly territorial kissing in class from me teasing Quil. Lust filled necking after school. Lust filled ogling at the half time performance. Angry, poorly veiled jealousy over that stupid e-card from Luca. Manic excitement at what the mail held. Screaming accusations on the front yard at me asking him to just _consider_ what the post had held. Front yard bended knee apologies and promises. More oily Valentine's Day sex, this time on the couch. The romance of sleeping in his strong arms. The worry of his father's health. Anger at his sister's absence. Jealousy at me accepting a ride form another guy. Jealousy at me for messaging Luca. Anger at me telling him how it is. And then absence.

Over three hours of silent absence.

* * *

I find myself in Miss Gordon's room, sitting at my—and Jake's— desk, no real idea how I've gotten here, my thoughts so consumed by Jake and his intuition alerting absence.

Miss Gordon is not as crabby as she was at first period, back to her easy, happy go lucky persona. I've shown her what I have on my Hamlet assignment and we go through a few points. And then she lets me out only twenty minutes into what was meant to be a forty-five minute detention.

That is the only thing that seems to have gone in my favor today.

I'd told Paul that I was gunna walk home in Gym class, and so I find it no surprise to find the student parking lot empty, and of course, it's raining and freezing cold in the afternoon light. I hoist my back pack on, zipping up my anorak and set off into a steady trot the six kilometres it takes to get home. I've got to start thinking in miles—the 4 miles home. Shit, that's gunna take forever, and I'm already freezing.

I'm managing a decent pace along Forks Avenue, sticking to the small awnings of stores along the sidewalk, determined to get home, change into dry clothes, and get to La Push before the sun sets.

The last time I've been out in rain like this was the day of _his_ funeral. It rained for so many hours that day. It felt like the world itself was crying along with me.

Oh shit. I feel it. The suffocating pain, right though the center of my chest, tight and stabbing. I can't stop myself from doubling over, the ache in my gut from the memories of all that happened this time last year.

I don't have long to dwell, a deep voice calls from a coupé pulled over along side of me. "Yo, Cullen!"

Pushing all my muddled emotions down, I stand, wiping my eyes and hopping it looks like it's just rainwater on my face.

"You still wanna walk? That mansion is a long way in this fucking rain."

Paul. The last person I really want to see right now. My nerves feel too raw to put up with his shit. But I can feel my fingers starting to contract and stiffen from the cold. I have no hat, no gloves. I'm not at all prepared to walk for what is probably going to take me an hour in this weather.

I move over to the car, opening the door and leaning in. "If you're offering," I say.

"I am. So get the fuck in, your letting all the rain in." He's wearing jeans and an open sweatshirt, a black oxford shirt embroidered with _Forks Café_ in decorative bold white script on the pocket underneath. I didn't know he worked there.

I do as I'm told, sliding into the deep bucket seats of Paul Lahote's car. It's a Nissan, Z-_something_, sporty and red and completely designed to get the girls to drop their panties. As I pull the door closed and the warmth of the cabin, the scent of the black leather seats and a cologne I remember well—it's the same as Luca's— engulfs me, I realize this is exactly what Jake didn't want me doing. Just because I'm alone in a car with a guy doesn't mean I'm gunna have sex with him in the back seat though. My panties are firmly in place.

I feel a little tinge of annoyance at Jake for his lack of trust in me and for thinking so little of me.

"Jesus," he blasphemes, "you're dripping all over the place." He reaches to the back seat, fisting a towel and handing it to me to dry off. "Do this side first, it's going all over the wood finish," pointing to my leg and elbow that is dripping on to the center console. He's like an old woman who hates to have her house dirty. He has the sleeve of his sweatshirt balled over his palm, rubbing the small spots to keep the high gloss on his '_baby'._

I do my best to stifle my giggle. If he hears me he ignores it, turning up his industrial rock, and taking off way too fast for the conditions.

"Hey, slow down!" I say, bracing myself against the dash and scurrying to get my seat belt on.

"No fucking way. I want you out of this car before you get the leather too wet, and hands off the dash, shit, I just got it polished." Again he balls up his sleeve and polishes out the non-existent smudge.

I'm quiet for most of the ride, desperately trying to keep my emotions at bay. I can't kick this feeling of concern I have for Jake. It's been eating away at my insides all afternoon. And then I still have that constant image of my little Angel floating around my head. It makes it hard to focus on anything but worse case scenarios.

"What up your ass?" Paul asks as he pulls off the main road. I have no idea how he knows where I live, I suppose he fucked Alice once, or something like that.

"Nothing is up my ass. I'm just thinking."

"Yeah right, I saw you in gym, you had that same worried frown going on. Frowning like that'll give you wrinkles, pretty soon you're gunna start to look like you're in your early _tweens_."

"Ha, ha. I don't frown."

"Whatever," he says shifting gear as he takes another corner too fast.

"Where's lover boy? He finally decided to bend over for the poof."

"What?"

"Seth. I know. I watch things. Everyone thinks all I'm looking at is girls and what's under their skirts. They don't give me enough credit. Anyone paying attention could see the way that kid used to look at Black."

"I don't know what you're talking about." God, I just realized, I haven't asked Seth if he knows where Jake is. I grab my phone and send him a querying message.

"Whatever, I don't care," Paul says turning down my street. "Where is Jake anyway?"

"He's probably at his house. We had to call an ambulance for his dad this morning, he should be home by now though. I'm guessing he went straight there. But he's not answering his phone," I end quietly.

"So that's why you got detention," he says with cognizance. "I bet Rachel's _freaking_ out."

Yes, she is freaking out. Why the heck would Paul Lahote know the emotional state of Jake's big sister?

I'm about to ask him when he distracts me with a question. "And what do you mean you're _guessing_ he's at his home? Is all not perfect in the royal land of _Jakenessia_? I thought you two were joined at the hips… the _front_ part of the hips."

"We're fine. Everything is fine with us," I snap back, quick to defend the amazingness that is Jake and me.

"Whatever. Make sure to tell him I gave you a _ride," _he smirks, pulling up the gravel drive and breaking harder than is necessary. I jostle around a little, shifting in my seat and unbuckling.

"Don't start Paul, saying I'd get a lift off you is part of what started this whole thing in the first place."

"So there _is_ trouble in paradise. I'll be doubly sure to let Jake know how _wet_ you were in my car then. Getting the inside all hot and steamy." He's clicking his tongue like the asshole he is, making fake sex moves and waggling his eyebrows. Asshole.

"Shit Paul! Would you just leave it!" I screech, my eyes brimming. Shit. I don't want to cry in front of Paul Lahote. I puff out a long strained breath to force the water works back inside my head. The worry of the afternoon just about bring me to my tipping point.

"Fuck, Ness. What's going on?" his asshole smirk suddenly gone.

"Jake. I don't know where the fuck he is. He bolted from 5th period and I have no clue where he went. He won't answer my calls or messages. He's been so freakin' unstable lately, I'm fucking worried. I'm so fucking worried about him." Past my tipping point I go, spilling the salty tears.

My phone chirps as Paul offers to help me. "You need me to help you look for him? I mean, are you really _worried-worried?"_

"I don't know what I am. My gut is just screaming to me to get down to La Push and find him."

"Well, get the fuck out" he says gesturing to the door, "and go down there."

I read my phone. Seth doesn't know where he is either. The rain is pissing down, normally I'd wait for a lull before getting out of the car. But I can't wait. "Thanks for the lift Paul."

"You need me to help? No one knows, but I've actually started a cadetship with the PD. I'm not a completely useless asshole."

I don't have the ability to focus on this tantalizing piece of information. All I can think about is Jake. And how I don't know where he is. "No, it's okay. I –" I don't finish that sentence. "Thanks."

Either, there is nothing anyone can do. Or I am the only one who can do _anything._

"Bye," I say, grabbing my backpack and jumping out of the car.

* * *

I change clothes in record time and in less than fifteen minutes, I find myself flying around the corners of the last two kilometers— 1.2 miles— of La Push Rd. I'm driving much faster than the conditions allow. The tall cedars cloistering and squelching as they loom and block the faint stream of light left from the dwindling afternoon sun behind the rain clouds. There is a brief opening of the looming trees, a small road side clearing. It's a space made for the tourist's cars that park here while they hike. They hike to Third beach. The locals though—they hike further, they hike to the cliffs of Taylors Point.

T'ist'ila's Cliffs.

My heart sinks into my boots as I see that shitty little red car parked at the head of the trail. I can't park the car fast enough. I throw on my rain jacket as I run down the path. Vaulting over fallen branches, shoving stinging branches out of my face as I sprint.

I arrive at the sand line, at the beach that holds such special memories for Jake and me. I don't stop to reminisce, I continue on, beginning the ascent back up the inland trail. The whole time hoping and praying.

My lungs feel raw and seared by the cold February air. My body frozen in its traveling pace. My muscles aching and burning but being forced to keep up the climb as fast as they will go.

With a last surge of energy, I plough through the undergrowth, through the small huckleberry and deer ferns, to the rocky clearing that I've jumped from so many times. Always with Jacob.

I hope to dear God he hasn't jumped without me today.

The buffeting wind hits me as I clear the vegetation. The magnificent vista not my primary focus today. Instead my eyes are drawn to the left, to the huddled navy blue lump sitting with legs dangling over the edge.

I feel a tingle in my palms from the ways his precariously balanced on the edge. He's not on the ocean side we normally jump from, instead his balanced on the rocky side… the un-survivable side.

"Jake!" I scream, falling on to my knees behind him, holding him from moving any further off the edge. I lean over, desperate to see his face. He shifts, his face contorted in pain, his eyes scrunched as the tears running down his face mix with the biting rain that is assaulting us. "Sweetheart. Baby. What's going on?"

He doesn't answer me, just his soft sobs, his shoulders hitching against my chest as I attempt to hold him.

"I've been so worried. God. Jake. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. No more harassing you about college, you just do whatever you need to get through. You are my everything, baby. Everything! I was so fucking scared of how I'd find you. Oh Jake." I bury my face into his shoulder as I try to pull him just a few inches away from the precipice.

"Sweetheart," I sniffle, "I'm sorry about talking to Luca. I won't talk to him anymore. Only if I absolutely have to."

With a little prodding on my behalf, Jake lifts his legs, spinning slowly, his knees huddled to his wet sodden chest, his back now to the gray, tumultuous the ocean as he faces me. I shift, sitting down in the puddles on the rocks as my hands cup over his jaw, pushing the hood from his eyes.

I lean closer to him, cradling him against my chest. "Oh Jake. I love you. Baby I'm here. Always. I'm here. How can I help? Tell me what's going on. Oh god, I love you so much. So, so much."

He bursts into another wave of fresh sobs as I kiss along his temple. His arms wind around my middle as he collapses, his face burying in my lap. Noting sexual about it, just comfort and love as I try to hold together this broken boy lying on the edge of the cliff.

His head lifts up, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since I arrived on this precipice. God he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They see right into me. They touch my soul. And my breath is lost from just how much I love him.

"Love you Jacob," I say. That, all I can think of to give him right now. I feel so out of my depth. I've had my suspicions about Jake's high-highs and low-lows. He needs some proper help.

"I love you, Ness. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop crying."

"I know baby, I know."

'

* * *

'


	45. Chapter 45 Out of the Fiery Pits of Hell

**Last time on P &amp; C's…**

**I plough through the undergrowth… my eyes are drawn to the left, to the huddled navy blue lump sitting with legs dangling over the edge. **

**I feel a tingle in my palms from the ways his precariously balanced on the edge.**

"**Jake!" I scream, falling on to my knees behind him, holding him from moving any further off the edge. I lean over, desperate to see his face. He shifts, his face contorted in pain, his eyes scrunched as the tears running down his face mix with the biting rain that is assaulting us. "Sweetheart. Baby. What's going on?"**

**He doesn't answer me, just his soft sobs, his shoulders hitching against my chest as I attempt to hold him…**

… **His head lifts up, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since I arrived on this precipice. God he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They see right into me. They touch my soul. And my breath is lost from just how much I love him.**

"**Love you Jacob," I say. That, all I can think of to give him right now. I feel so out of my depth. I've had my suspicions about Jake's high-highs and low-lows. He needs some proper help.**

"**I love you, Ness. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop crying."**

"**I know baby, I know."**

* * *

**Chapter 45 - Out of the Fiery Pits of Hell**

I feel numb, my body is cold, my muscles are frozen and stiff. We are walking for a long time. Such a long time. It seems pointless, we just walked down and now we're walking back up again.

Her little arms are around my waist, holding me up, urging me forwards as the rain pelts down around us. I am so useless, _I_ should be the one supporting _her_.

"Come on sweetie; one foot in front the other," she says. So I walk some more. Fucking pussy, letting a _girl_ tell you what to do.

It is warm in the car and I let her reach across me, clicking me in. She smells like cinnamon— but is wrong, it's stale and not how it should smell.

We travel down the familiar road; I am too cold and too pathetic to drive. The trees flash by in slow motion as we move towards the stifling town. Everything looks so grey and ugly, so oppressive.

Music is playing on her radio, it is so irritating with its constant thudding and stupid fake sounds. I reach up and slam my palm into the off switch. The silence is annoying too.

She has the heater turned up high and her car is warm, but I am still cold. I am shaking. I feel like such a weak looser.

The car has stopped and it is raining still. The wind makes me cold as she opens the door for me. I hate it here in this town.

Her hands are warm around mine as she pulls. "Come on babe stand up, let's get you into a warm shower." I don't want to, it feels like I'm climbing Everest just trying to get out of the car.

There are people everywhere, all looking and staring at me. My father is watching me from the table, so too is my second father, my other mother, and my brother. They are looking at me with such contempt; like the waste of space that I am. I just want to curl up and die. They are my family, they'd be better off without me.

"Jake!" his voice is deep and worried. I don't respond. I am in slow motion. Watching the world tick by while I stand still. I have failed him.

"Billy, can you call my uncle please. I found him on the edge of Taylor's Point. He's freezing; I'm worried he's going to get hyperthermia. I'm going to get him in a shower before we take him to Forks." Good, let me die of a frozen heart.

"What about you Ness, you need to warm up too?" The voice is familiar, mature, maternal, and gentle. I think for a minute that my mother is here. But it's not, my mom is dead.

I wasn't enough to keep her alive.

"Yeah, Sue, I'll get in too. Would you mind fetching us some sweats from his room, I have some stuff in the bottom drawer."

"I'll get it, mom," he says, looking at me as he walks past. That look of hero worship is gone, I'm not worship idolizing gone; I'm not even worth tolerating. My brother-from-another-mother probably hates me.

'

* * *

I stand as the little fingers peel my clothes off, then lead and direct me under the water. The water is warm. My body still is shaking, my fingers hurting, they burn from the heat. The pain helps me feel something.

I want to tell her that I can do this myself. But I can't. I cannot find the energy to do anything but sit in my father's shower chair… and cry.

I let her dress me. One foot in and then the other.

Finally I make it to my bed. It is warm, the motorbike pillowcase is laughing at me. I feel her sit by me, stroking my hair until my eye lids are heavy and I fall, head first, into the abyss of sleep.

'

* * *

I open my eyes to the harsh cold light of the hospital lamps. There are people everywhere. They are all staring at me. I feel like I am behind a glass wall, present but not a part of them either.

I don't remember getting here. The doctor is looking at me. I can see it in his eyes, he thinks I'm a waste of time. I am. His hands are cold, and hard. I dislike like being touched—except by her.

"He's warming up, Billy. Let's try and get him to take these tonight and we'll take him down to Olympia in the morning. I've spoken to Elazar Carmen, he's an old friend, he specializes in youth mental health."

"What's wrong with him Carlisle?"

"I'm pretty sure it's acute psychosis Billy. I'd hazard a guess to say Jacob has some bipolar tendency's, I noticed some when he was up in Canada with us. I put it down to him really enjoying snowboarding… but now, with the clarity of hindsight, I think it's something more psychological, I think he was hypo-manic."

I feel the cripple's hand on mine.

"You'll all get through this Billy, it can be a long road, but he's going to an excellent facility. Now— I have to mention this— even though Jacob seems too withdrawn to formulate or undertake any self-harming plans right now, suicide is real concern of mine. Your son is at high risk, Billy, we're going to be keeping a close on eye on him tonight."

I'm not worth the effort.

"Suicide? He doesn't look like he can find the effort to move let alone hurt himself."

"I tend to agree, but he's on periodical watch anyway."

I feel her breath on my face, like a hot fog suffocating me, her little fingers dragging along the skin on my face. "Don't worry babe, I'll be here. I can be your anchor, I'll pull you back to shore," she whispers in my ear.

It's too late, I'm already under.

"Can I sleep here tonight, Uncle Carl? You don't mind do you Billy?"

"No Ness, I don't mind. He'd want you here, I think."

"I don't have a problem with you staying here either, sweetheart. I'll get the girls to organize a cot." He takes a long tugging breath—he's had enough of talking about me. I tend to agree. "All right then, I'll be back at eight tomorrow. Billy, is Charlie Swan still going to bring you up? We can all drive together in my car if you like."

"Thank you Carlisle." His voice sounds broken and old. It sounds wrong.

When they are gone, she helps me sit up and hands me a pill, "here baby, take this. It might help you sleep." I take it with a warm glass of milk. It tastes wrong. "I love you Jacob, wherever you are in there, if you can hear me… I love you."

I wake up to the darkness of morning. Ugly light washing out all the joy from the window. She is behind me, a little arm holding me. The roles are reversed but I don't have the energy to turn it around.

"Did you sleep?" she asks, her forehead pressing on my back.

I don't reply.

She sighs, holding me tighter; too tight. "I want you to try and eat some breakfast. Will you try and eat for me, Jake?" I don't reply. I just stare out the window, crappy rain sliding down the glass like blood.

I can hear her behind me, crying. Silently crying.

I don't reply. I just keep on crying.

'

'

* * *

**11 Days Later...**

I don't like this place much. But I have no choice. All I want to do is sleep, but they make me get up and talk.

I don't cry as much now. Dr. Carmen thinks he has my medications correct. Ness is coming to see me.

We talked about her in my early session this morning. I am going to make an honest attempt to engage her. I want to. I just don't know how to.

The food tastes shit. Everything tastes like shit. Even the bacon. I don't like this place much. Some of the other kids are so fucked up.

'

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like. _

I repeat these mantras to myself, over and over. I have no choice but to have faith that they will help.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— my future…_

God she's beautiful. My dad looks like shit though.

They're both sitting in the courtyard, watching me walk in, waiting for me to talk or cry. Probably cry. But I won't cry, Dr. Carmen thinks he has my medications correct. I don't want to cry today.

"Hey," I mumble as I sit. I'm rewarded by the biggest smile I've seen on her face for almost the last two weeks. I can't smile like that— my smiling muscles are broken. I am broken.

"So, the doctor says you might be able to come home on Tuesday," my father says, shifting in his seat.

"Yeah," I intone back.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

"You seem a little better today, babe. I can see a little bit of the normal Jake in there," says Ness. She's quiet, but I see the glimmer of hope that her fucked up boyfriend isn't _completely_ fucked up.

"Dr. Carmen thinks he's got my medications right. I'm not crying today," my voice is flat and monotone. I don't remember how to laugh.

"No, you're not," she smiles. I don't remember how to smile either.

Our eyes are locked together, soaking in the color, we're speaking without words. I'm trying so hard to listen. I know she loves me. I can see it in the sunshine. I can't answer back. My eyes probably just look like mud.

We sit and chat— _they_ chat, I answer their questions. Dr. Carmen comes out and sits with us for a little while, talking to my dad and Ness asking him some questions. And I just soak in her skin.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like. _

"You want to go for a walk?" I say out of the blue, interrupting my dad mid-sentence. I stand and hold out my hand to her. Dr. C said I should try some touch—see if I can tolerate it.

She looks up at me from her seat, her hand tentatively reaching up. I feel the connection the second her little warm fingers find mine and I grab her wrist with my other hand, pulling her up. She's still so short—so little, so fragile. She stands up next to me, her neck stretched as she continues to stare into my eyes. I let go of her wrist and slowly, carefully, thread my fingers though hers. A settling emotion laces though me, washing over me as her love radiates up my arm and into my heart.

I can tolerate it—more than tolerate… I relish it.

We walk around the shitty carpeted corridors of the adolescent ward of Lupine house— the itty bitty part of the loony bin. I keep her hand in mine as we walk.

She doesn't say much— neither do I. There is this alcove down the end of the rec area, a whole heap of beanbags strewn around the floor, and I somehow make my way there. I realize with a small inner cheer of victory, that this is the first time that I have walked somewhere from my own motivation all week.

_Today is__ a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

* * *

We sit, the squeaking and swishing noise of the beans only seems to make the uncomfortable silence we've created worse though. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to date me either. It's probably only _duty_ that she's even here.

My thoughts are like a toxic weight crushing my soul and with the suddenness of a turning tide, I start to feel the pull of the fog, trying to pull me under. Smother me.

I feel like I'm desperately trying to keep my head above the water. I'm struggling to keep a hold of my life preserver.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

Until… the fog wins and I'm back under.

The tide has changed.

It isn't a good day any more.

I've lost the path— I have no future—I have no expectations.

I am nothing.

Like I am suddenly caught in a drag net, I feel my self-separating from her. I am being pulled out on the undertow, I don't seem to care that I am being carried away from her on the shore. My life preserver.

I cannot take a step- there is no ground beneath me.

There is no path—only the sea of nothing… I cannot swim.

I am apathetic to my apathy.

That little breath of clean air I just had was only a gasp of sanity as I am pulled back down under, drowning in the fiery pits of hell. The numbing smog of lassitude seizing me, disconnecting me from the outside world as I retreat again. I release expectations… because I have none.

* * *

She has a little satchel bag around her shoulders, and she twists to rummage through, pulling out a few pages of ruled paper. I recognize the handwriting on it— mine.

"You got an A on your Spanish assignment," she says handing me the paper. I don't take it. I just look, staring at the chicken scratch. Mrs. Ramirez probably felt sorry for me and gave me the A so I didn't actually top myself. I don't care.

She puts the paper down on the floor between us, reaching back into the bag and pulling out more papers. Worksheets. "I don't know if you're up to it, but I thought I'd bring you some of the stuff we've been doing in AP Calc. And these are my notes from Biology," she says holding them out to me. "I photocopied them…for…you," she trails off, looking up at me, still holding the papers out to me.

I still don't take them. I am not connected to that world, to school, to homework, to any part of the world really. I am living behind a sheet of glass, separated from the rest. Suffocating on the fog.

She only wants me to study so she can get me out of the state. Send me off to a faraway school so she can be with _him_.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do. Your dad said you've been getting better, I thought maybe… sorry…" she drops her hands, the papers adding to the little pile already on the floor.

We're back to uncomfortable silence again.

The world is flat. I am in the world, but it so grey there is no point in existence—no point to_ my _existence.

"I… I didn't know what you had here, so I brought you some stuff…" she shuffles though the satchel again, pulling out a shopping bag, showing me the candies inside— Snickers and Dr. Pepper's, pop rocks and cherry flavoured lifesavers. "Real cherries are out of season, so I got you lifesavers instead. And here is a CD of all the happy songs on our playlist, in case you couldn't have your iPod or something." The shiny disk is bright and reflective as she holds it out to me. I don't take it.

A part of me knows I should say thank you for her thoughtfulness, but I can't find the motivation to care.

We are silent again. I can feel her eyes on me as I stare at the nothingness in front of me.

"Seth said to say he's thinking of you, so does his mom. We've just told everyone at school that you're sick; that you got sick from being out in the rain. I was thinking you could say you've had Glandular Fever. I didn't know of you wanted me to tell Embry or Quil the truth. I think they know something major is going down, you've been AWOL for more than a week. Do you… do you have an opinion on if I can tell them? Do you want me to tell them that you're here? _Why_ you're here? I thought that maybe your dad or I could explain Bipolar to their moms and they could tell them?"

I don't reply. I don't care. I don't even know how I managed to get out of bed today. I don't care about it.

The silence goes on for days, or maybe just minutes. Time is frozen in my winter as spring continues to bloom outside my mind.

"Jacob." Her voice is whispered on the frigid winds, carried into my mind though the fog. "Where are you, sweet man?

"Please… Come back to me," she sniffles, wiping the tears from her eyes as she crawls over to me. "I miss you. I miss my best friend, my boyfriend, I miss my soul mate. I miss your smile, Jake. God I miss your smile." Her breath is jerky and pained.

"I… I miss your soul Jacob, that aura of spirit you carry around with you. I miss the way my whole world is perfect in your arms. Can I… Can you just pretend to hold me, just for a minute," her head coming to rest on my chest.

My arms are lead, fallen appendages, useless by my side. I am useless.

Her arms wrap around. Squeezing me. Holding me. Her body shaking as she cries against my chest. I don't want to cry today, Dr. Carmen says he's got my medications right.

I don't think he has.

"Just pretend," she whispers to herself. "I just want to feel this," her hand warm over my deadened heart, "just for a minute."

And for a minute— maybe a day— she lies atop me as I lie motionless beneath, numbed, drowning, suffocating in myself.

"I love you. I'm right here, whenever you need me, I'm right here Jake, forever, no matter what."

She grasps my arm from her enfolded position, pulling it over her own shoulder as she pretends—pretends that I am holding her.

I can feel her hair under my fingers. Her curls are soft and they wind over my knuckles. I breathe in a suffocating breath, inhaling the scent of cinnamon, and spice… and cherries.

A single tear escapes my eye.

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

**17 Days later...**

Ness arrived so god damn early this morning, snuggling in under my quilt before my alarm had even gone off. She had an ulterior motive though, cold hands and cold feet shoving me out of bed, stopping me from pressing the snooze button. Making me get up and run. We've been running every morning this week. Exercise is part of my treatment. Three miles every day.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like. _

I missed Prom and most of Spring Break while I was sick. I was still too lost inside myself to come home after Ness and Dad's visit. Ness came and saw me in Olympia again the weekend of the dance, we slow danced in the rec room of Lupine House instead. She visited few times over the break too. I don't remember it well, but I remember a foggy, dream like version of it. I know she cried a lot, and I know she brought me candy.

I've been home for five days now. I missed my home and all that goes with it. I've found '_me'_ again. I've resurfaced and swam ashore. My ankles are still in the water, it may not be dry, but I'm on land at least; no longer afloat. I'm ready to be present in my life.

* * *

It's my first day back at school today. I'm a little anxious about seeing everyone and answering their questions. I already saw Quil and Embry over the weekend. Ness told them the basics of what happened… that I'm a fucking nut case. They were all weird, tip toeing around everything, wincing when Emb described the movie they'd gone to see over the break as 'crazy good'. But they're my friends and they are on my side. I have Ness and Embry and Quil on my side. On my wing.

I'm still fucking nervous that everyone is going to be staring at me today. I just know it. For one, I look different; I lost a little weight in Olympia— it's hard to eat when you don't have the energy to even breathe. And I know I still don't have that patented Jake Black smile anymore. I _can_ smile now, I've been practicing in the mirror, but it's not the same. I know it isn't.

"Everyone's gunna be staring at me," I say over the soft music. "Everyone always stares at us so I can just imagine what there gunna do now that I've been away in the nuthouse for almost a month."

"Stop worrying about it, no one's going to be looking any more than normal, and if they are, it's just because they'll notice you're a little thinner from being sick. Mono, Jake, you had mono."

"Mono," I scoff, "I wish." That is the story that is circulating… much less exciting than Bipolar Depressive Psychosis.

She's driving. Until the Doctors are sure that my meds are all right, I'm not allowed to drive. They're probably afraid I'll drive off a cliff or into a tree or something. Her hand comes down on my knee after she changes gears on the long stretch of road away from La Push. Our eyes meet for a moment and I'm held by that spectacular golden sunburst in her hazelnut eyes.

I smile. I push my cheeks back, searching tired lips over teeth, remembering that I can do anything with this girl by my side.

"Almost believable," she smiles, lifting her hand and brushing her fingers over my upturned lips. "I love you, Jake."

"I know," I say, holding her hand to my face, kissing her knuckles.

* * *

.

* * *

"This is fucking ridiculous," says Quil from his contorted position on the floor.

"Oh, I don't know," smirks Felix Voltolini, "the girls all seem to be in to it." We all follow his gaze behind us where the female half of the class are all getting into the yoga. We have a student teacher now in PE class now apparently, and she, in her infinite student teacher wisdom, has decided that yoga is on the menu in gym class this week. I think I can safely say us boys would have preferred basketball.

But no, we're doing yoga, and she's separated the boys and girls to opposite sides of the gym. I guess so we don't all just sit and perve as the ladies demonstrate their flexibility. We've all stopped in a crossed legged pose, twisting around to see the girls anyway though.

Paul lets out a half whistle breath, "Fuck me," he says turning to Jarred who can barely get his legs under him. "Does Kim do this all god damn day? She's a fucking pretzel."

"You have no Idea, and she's got me doing stuff with her all the time lately, my poor groin can't take much more." Yeah sure. It's obvious he loves all the positions he can get her in.

Everyone around us is sniggering at Jared's comment. I just keep twisting, watching Ness as she moves through whatever progression _Miss Tavistock _is instructing.

She moves into a kneeling back bend, her head arched right back, her head falling only inches from her heels as she grabs a hold of her ankles.

"And well, I'll be damned, your girl looks like a fucking lifesaver, Black."

My head snaps around to Lahote, he's watching the girls, Ness in particular—I can just tell. That fucking player, come-on smirk on his tuff guy face. "Keep your fucking eyes to yourself Lahote."

"No law in just looking, Jake," he grins, "we've all had an unobstructed view the last few weeks without your meat-head all over her."

"What did you say?" I've untwisted, uncrossed my legs, rising up to an upright kneel. I'm sure it has a yoga name, like gentle camel or something, but there is nothing _gentle _about the movement and I'm just gunna call it '_halfway to a beat down'_.

"I said," Paul emphasizes, rising to the challenge, his ass still planted on the floor, "I've had _an un-ob-struc-ted_ view of little Nessie's little ass, without your gorilla hands on it."

"You're such a fucking idiot asshole, you know that Lahote?" I say as I rise to one knee.

"Not me who's the idiot _Black. _You're the idiot who's not taking a free ride to college."

I don't know how he knows this. I have, flashing though my brain, images of Ness divulging all our secrets to him as she lies in his arms. She's laughing as they think up ways to get me out of the state so they can be together.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like. _

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved- The best proof of love is trust._

"You know _nothing_ about my life, or my reasons for doing or not doing things," I say leaning forwards, fists hard by my sides, my voice smooth and menacing. Inside, I'm forcing myself to be cool and calm, repeating my mantras over and over in my head; not giving another person the power to trigger me—to pull me under.

"I know you let that little girl walk home in the rain that day you took off on her. Don't worry though, I got her home safe and sound. I looked after her… I looked after her _real_ good."

More images flash though my mind: lips and bodies, rain, and wet clothes.

My fists have struck before I can even register the movement. Directly into his smirk. Again and again, my fist connects with his face. His fists connect back, hooking around into my mouth, a second into my side. My kidneys spasming as his knee get me square in the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I land one more into his chest just as he kicks me off of him.

There is a lot of yelling, I can hear Ness screaming from the other side of the gym. Embry and Quill have both moved between me and Paul. Embry bracing me with both hands on my shoulders and Quil holding my hands by my sides. I can see Jared with Paul, looking at his broken nose. Mr. Price comes running over to us just as Ness slides down to me.

"Jake, look at me. Look at me."

Her voice pulls me out of my blood rage, "YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT M.I.T.!?" I yell. My voice bubbled from the blood pooling from my split lip. "You have no right to tell him about that!"

"What? No! I haven't told anyone," she staggers back, her eyes hurt from my spontaneous accusation.

I spit out a gob of blood that has pooled in my mouth onto the floor. "Well, he sure seems to know a whole lot about my life! And why were you in his CAR!" I'm screaming, pushing though my friends, standing up and positioning myself a full foot over her.

"I don't know!" she says, standing upright, not backing down from my intimidating stance. "You can't just break someone's jaw if you get upset Jake. This isn't any better than withdrawing!"

"Jake," Embry says quietly, moving into my line of sight, his hand flat on my chest, his other hand holding out a towel. "Step back, Jake."

His tone grabs my attention. He means business. I can see he's maneuvered himself between Ness and me, his shoulder blocking any swing I might try to get in. I'd never hit Ness. Never.

I step back.

_I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step._

"Nurse's office, both of you! Then the Principal's office!" Mr. Price's voice booking between Paul and me. "I don't care who started it, who finished it, or whose fault it is. We do NOT resort to physical violence."

He looks at my lip, then over to Paul's still gushing nose. "You first Paul. Jacob, wait ten minutes before you go." He points at the half folded bleachers, "go sit down there and do not move a muscle."

With his head tipped back, towel still pushed into his face, Lahote stumbles off, and I stamp over to the front row, plonking my ass on the seat.

Ness has followed me. She's standing a few feet away as I sit with the towel pushed to my lip, my back aching from that killer left hook the asshole got in.

"Can I have a look?" she asks, tight lipped and caring but still pissed. "You're not going to spit in my face or anything are you?"

I'm such a fuck up. Not trusting and fucking-up the one good thing I have.

I shake my head, my eyes downcast.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved- The best proof of love is trust._

"Sorry I yelled at you."

"The disease yelled at me, Jacob. Not you."

She sighs, pushing my fringe back off my face. "What are we gunna do with you Jake?" her fingers tugging not so gently on my hair as a little punishment for me beating the shit out of a guy in gym class… and screaming at her. "Here, let me take a look at this." She's too kind, and perfect, and I don't know what I've done to deserve her. The old me would have said that I _don't _deserve her, but I know I do—we're all worthy of being loved. I'm going to hold on tight to her none-the-less.

She sits down beside me, her hand taking the bloodied towel away from my lip. "Oh baby, it's split right through the middle." She folds the towel, pressing a clean corner back to the ooze. "What the hell just happened?"

I sigh, I don't even know. "Paul Lahote is just a giant asshole. He was saying stuff about you."

"What _stuff_?"

"Just stuff."

"Tell me Jacob. Open dialogue. The best proof of love is _trust_. Remember?"

"Yeah I remember." I suck in a big breath, letting out a tense sigh, my shoulders falling with the exhale. "You rode in his car?" That thing is a pussy magnet, I'd hate to put one of those CSI blue lights on the back seat of that car.

"I did, that day I couldn't find you. I was jogging home in the rain and he pulled over." I inwardly cringe at the memory of that day. I was so inside myself. I just left. I left her at school. No message, no note. I just disappeared… and it was raining. "It was a three minute lift, Jake," she continues, "nothing happened. He was more worried about all the water I was dripping on his car than trying anything on me. Why? What did he say happened?"

"Nothing, he's just an asshole. I should know better than to let him rile me up. But… he's just… just so smug. Ya'know?"

"I know." Her arm laying casually on my back, her nails gently scratching over my shirt, her head resting on my shoulder. I miss this.

"And why does he know about my scholarship?"

"That, I have no idea. Maybe his dad was talking to yours or something?"

"Maybe," I say. I doubt it though.

We're quiet for a while, Miss Tavistock calls over for me to go on up to the Nurse. Ness gets permission to go with me.

* * *

'

"Do you trust me Jake?" she asks as we walk between the nurses office and the administration building.

The Nurse was happy enough with my lip, she said they don't bother stitching lips— apparently they heal quickly enough. Ness thinks I'll probably have a scar though. My side is still a little tender, a little pink but no bruise, I have to see a doctor if I start pissing red.

"I do," I say back. "I want to," I clarify in the light of total disclosure. "I just have all these paranoid ideas. Small things that set an idea off in my head."

"What are your _ideas_?" She laces her hand though mine, a silent gesture that it's safe to open up.

I stop, pulling her up in the empty corridor. "That you're still in love with Luca."

"I never loved him to begin with."

"That someone hot and flashy like Paul Lahote will sweep you off your feet."

"Someone already has Jacob. You. I love _you_."

"That you want me to go to MIT so that you can be free to be with him."

"Really? That's what you think?"

I nod, "that's what the disease thinks."

"You know that none of them are real, none of them are true."

"I know that intellectually, Ness. It's just hard to remember that when I have that little voice in my head telling me something different, and then a bigger, real, _asshole_ voice telling it to my face also."

She turns, stepping in closer to me, her hands on my shoulders, then gliding up to cup my jaw. Her face serious and intense.

"I will never forgive myself for pushing you on the college thing, Jake. Never. For the record, I don't want you to go away anymore. What school you go to doesn't matter. What matters is that you're healthy and happy. And if staying in Washington does that, then that's what I want you to do."

I got an acceptance letter and an Indian scholarship worth twenty thousand to U of W while I was at Lupine House. Dr. Carmen thinks it could be healthy for me to try college out of state though. That I'm using nothing more than emotive excuses to hide my fear. He's probably right. And I've let Ness think she's been a key reason from my breakdown.

It's not her fault this all happened. A flat tire could have set it off. One day I'll make her understand that. For now though, all I can manage is to make sure she knows I am still in love with her, and that I am trying. I am trying _so_ hard.

_Today __**is**__ a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take __**one step**__— My future self is rooting for me, I __**release expectations**__ on what I thought my life would be like—To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved— The best proof of love is__** trust.**_

"We should be still booked in for that collage freshman tour on the 30th, you still want to go to Seattle for the weekend?" I ask, my hand finding her waist.

"Is that wise?"

Stability is good, but I think a mini break would be restorative too.

"I think it's exactly the kind of thing I need."

"Well then—Yes! I'd love to go away with you for a weekend, Mr Black. I love you."

Her smile all the reward I need.

* * *

…

I got a week's worth of before-school detentions. An hour a day for the next four days. Mrs. Reid made me apologize to Paul for almost breaking his nose, and he apologized for being an ass and splitting my lip.

Ness had to wait outside the office. I'm over eighteen now, so they didn't call my dad either. It was just me, facing my own demons. The devil's advocate on the seat over from me.

We walk out of the office, Ness standing up expectantly as I exit the room.

"Hey, Jake," calls Paul from behind me. "For the record, I'm sorry I triggered you back there. Nothing happened between Ness and me, honest to god."

"I know, I'm just going through some stuff. I really am sorry I hit you. I'm not that good at balancing my emotions right now."

"I noticed," he chuckles, squeezing the bridge of his nose, his fingers massaging around the darkening black eyes he has forming.

"Look," he starts, shifting his weight, leaning a hip against the brick wall behind him. "I don't talk about this to anyone, most people just think my mom took off to start a new life or something. But…" he stalls, biting his lip and rolling it though his teeth, "she did take off and no one knew where she went, dad couldn't find her anywhere, only, it wasn't to start a new life…it was to _end_ it. It was six days later, the first day of second grade, that the Mason County police found her body a few miles downstream of the Hoffstadt Creek Bridge." We're all quiet. Stunned by his revelation.

I didn't know that.

We've both lost our mothers.

"I guess, what I'm saying is… I'm glad you're doing okay. That you're getting help. That Ness found you at the _top_ of that cliff not the bottom."

Holy shit.

I have no reply to that. He doesn't wait for one either. He just turns, heading to the car park, not looking back, not engaging any further. _I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

"Whoa," says Ness, low and quiet, stepping up beside me and tucking her hand into mine. "I swear, I did not tell him about you. I didn't tell Embry or Quill about the cliffs either."

As I watch the guy that—every other day—transitions between friend and antagonist walk towards his car, a memory of Paul hanging around our house when we were in elementary school flickers through my mind. _His dad playing poker out the back with my dad and Uncle Harry. My mom and aunty Sue chatting around the kitchen table. Seth and I playing with our hotwheels cars in the hall, my sisters and Leah watching TV; All the while, Paul Lahote is sitting by himself watching them_.

* * *

'

* * *

Ness has stayed for dinner. She had drill practice and I had Baseball practice after school—the session started last weekend, I missed the first three weeks of practice, I'm playing short stop again this year.— so she drove me home. We picked up some groceries for my dad on the way, some chicken to grill and greens and sweet potato. It was as close to a normal afternoon as I've had in weeks. All except for the normal, routine, making-out and fucking in the back seat of the car bit…That hasn't happen for a month.

Dad took one look at my lip when I got home; held in his wrath, steaming under the collar until his face returned back to a normal color and then calmly asked us what happened. I told him the truth, the raw unabridged, no holds barred version... Paul Lahote was pressing my buttons and I retaliated with my fists.

I told him that I'm not proud of it and that it's out of character. But what isn't out of character with me lately? – I'm fucked in the head.

Dad made me call Dr. Carmen after dinner. We went through some strategies to avoid violence. He thinks it should be okay for me and Ness to go to Seattle for the weekend at the end of the month. But I have to call him this weekend and then the Sunday night when we get home.

* * *

I've slowly been catching up on all the missed school work. Ness is a really good tutor. She knows her shit well enough to explain it. We're in my room, sprawled across my new bed.

Somehow, my dad found enough money to get me a double. It was waiting for me as a welcome home gift. New sheets and covers that Ness said she picked out for me. My tiny dancer got me sheets of linen. The quilt cover is nice, a chunky kind of blue and white stripe, kind of denim looking and the best god damn quality sheets I have ever slept on. Well, except for the sheets in Ness's room, they feel as good as that. It's so good to be able to appreciate something as simple as the feel of new sheets under your skin.

_Today is a good day._

My room is even more cramped now, but at least both Ness and I can do our homework in here with more than just a little bit of extra elbowroom now.

"So, the enzyme's _active site_ is like a port where the _substrate_ binds to it and sets off the chemical reaction?" I'm elbow deep in AP Biology, trying to get my head around metabolism, energy and enzymes before tomorrow's lab.

"Yes," she mumbles distractedly, her nose dragging up along my shoulder, her lips trailing over the angle of my chin.

"And Catalase is an enzyme that breaks down hydrogen peroxide in the body."

"Yep," the 'P' popping in my ear as she sucks on it. "Love you," she whispers, her body dragging over my back.

All this space and she's got to lie on top of me.

"The bi-product of hydrogen peroxide being: two water and an Oxygen molecule… Ness would you stop! I've got to get this."

She lets out an over-dramatic sigh, "Fine!" she moans, throwing herself off of me and onto her back, like a starfish looking up at the celling. "Yes Jake, two water and one oxygen to every two peroxide molecules. Come on Jake," she whines, her voice breathy and needy, "it's been _weeks_. I've got to go home in half-an-hour."

She turns on her side, her arms winding under me as I support myself on elbows as I've been studying. Her little hands grabbing me by the collar, surprisingly strong, and pulling herself under me on a perpendicular angle. We are face to face only her face is sideways, her breasts wedged between us. "Please Jacob."

"Not tonight Ness, I really want to get all the work sheets finished." She's beautiful, and sexy, and everything I should want… but I just don't want it. That part still hasn't come back.

She doesn't say anything. She just slides out from under me, sits up and leaves the room.

I can hear the bathroom door close seconds later.

Minutes later, she's still not returned.

I'm such a fucking creep sometimes.

I get up, knocking quietly on the bathroom door. "Ness?"

There is no answer, only a muffled sniffle behind the partition. I rest my hand on the knob, letting myself in.

She's sitting on the toilet. The lid down, her pants on, sitting on it like seat—and crying. I want to go over to her, but I'm afraid I'll just contaminate the situation with my depression… It contaminates it anyway. "Are you crying because I don't want to have sex with you?"

"No Jake, I'm crying because you don't want to _kiss_ me. Because you can't seem to be able to tell me you _love_ me. I'm crying because I'm tired of holding us both together." She yanks off a length of toilet paper, blowing her noise and standing up. "I'm just gunna go home," she exhales, shaking her head and walking past me, back to my room.

I follow her, watching from the doorway as she packs her books into her backpack.

She brushes past me, back into the hall, into the lounge room where dad is watching TV. "Bye Billy, thanks for letting me stay for dinner."

"No worries sweetie, you did all the work, I should be thanking you for mak—" he stops mid-sentence, looking up and seeing her blotchy face. "You okay kiddo?"

"Oh you know, the trials and tribulations of this man," she shrugs, reaching over and grabbing my hand. "It's just hard sometimes," her eyes getting glassy again.

"Well, I for one am grateful that you're here for him, even if he doesn't express his gratitude himself."

"Thanks Billy," she says, dropping my hand and leaning over the back of dad's recliner and pecking him on the cheek. "See you in the morning."

"Bye Ness."

She picks her jacket off the coat rack by the door, shoving her arms in and opening the front door. I copy her and follow her down the porch steps.

Unlocking and getting in her car, she keeps the door open as she starts it up. "I'll see you at seven, we'll just have to skip the jogging this week while you have detention, it's too cold and too dark still to go any earlier." She's a little sharp, but I can hear the hurt behind the ire. Even so, after all this, I can still hear the love.

I nod, leaning in towards the car, my hand reaching her chin and a finger guiding her face to look at me. "Ness." I say, staring into her red rimmed mocha chocolate eyes. The windows into her beautiful, patient soul. "I do want to kiss you," I say, reaching down and pressing my lips to hers, soft and gentle, caring and tender. I've forgotten how prefect her lips feel. Her cherry breath supporting me from inside. Such a simple gesture, so very curative and satisfying.

Her eyes are lit from within as I pull back, a soft smile on her lips. "And I _can_ tell you I love you…" I take in a long breath, preparing for a simple, straightforward statement, never a truer word I have said. "I love you."

Her arms wrap swiftly around my neck, pulling me down to her. My arms curl over her back, small and petite under my hands— and I hold her to me. I hold us together. We hold each other.

"I love you."

* * *

**A/N: So after several heart breaking weeks, we find our hero is a lot recovered this chapter. Not quite on dry land, but anchored on the shore at least.**

**I didn't want to dwell on the depression. I know from your amazing comments last chapter that it's a real thing and that so many of you out there suffer from its pull. I wanted to discuss it within the story but it's not going to dominate the plot. This is a love story first and foremost, with a heavy thread of self-growth weaved through. **

**I'll let you know that in this fic Jake is going to have a faster than what is clinically a 'normal' recovery time. **

**The medic in me cringes at the inaccuracy but the writer in me rejoices. My story, my rules ;-P**

**I want it all to be okay, I want him to be okay, and I want you all to be happy reading my work. Hopefully I've baked up a good mix of real life with the HEA still. **

**I hope you're enjoying still.**

**May the light within me honor the light within you. Namaste. **


	46. Chapter 46 - Another Kind of Angel

After so many personal reviews on readers own experiences with depression, I'm going to clarify some things.

Point one… I was trying to be subtle in Jacobs depressive and manic tendencies in earlier, he wasn't aware of it himself until his big downward fall… I may have been too subtle, I apologize.

Point two… Even though Carlisle was worried about it, Jacob was not suicidal to the point of a plan and formulated ideas, he was too far removed. He was sitting on the edge of the cliff, not jumping.

Point three… Our beloved Jake has 'Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1' in this story. He will swing thorough the ups and downs every few months, even weeks.

Point four… Psychosis is different from depression, he was psychotic with catatonic features. Psychosis is often a much more sudden episode than a depressive episode, as too is its escape from it.

Point five… I have opted for his treatment to be in the form of mood stabilizes and a few varying forms of talk and cognitive-behavioral therapy. I am very aware that there are _dozens_ of other therapies, and it often is a matter of hit and miss until you find one that works. But for the sake of this story, we have a specialist who magically get it right on the second go.

Point six… It's FICTION guys… Yes, there is real life situation in there, but it's still just a story; a made up narrative from my imagination. It's supposed to be _entertaining, _not induce depression itself. I'm not going to let his disease drag us all down with accuracy.

Pwth, accuracy smacuarcy. (Just don't tell any of my colleges how blatantly erroneous I've been.)

My Point is, realistic or not, he's 95% better and he's staying that way for the foreseeable future.

Right, so I've got that off my chest now. I feel better, I hope you do too (I know Jake does!)

* * *

**Let's have some fun at a potentially destructive (but it won't … much), totally normal, FUN, high school party instead.**

**Oh and a little side note.**

**Drugs = Bad**

**Dugs + anti-psychotic drugs = Potentially VERY BAD.**

**Don't do drugs and stay in school.**

**Oh and the song Ness "dances" to is _Naughty Girl,_ by Beyoncé if anyone cares.**

**That is all…**

**Please enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 46 – Another kind of Angel.**

"Happy Birthday dude," I say, shoving the perfectly wrapped up gift into Quill's hands as Ness and I step, hand in hand, through the front door. My friend is having his eighteenth birthday today. After much begging and pleading and negotiating on extra chores and grades at school, Quil's mother agreed that he could have some kind of birthday celebration at their house. He got himself an A on his government assignment, and now she's is following through by letting him have a proper, co-ed, just a little bit of beer, maybe a little bit of pot, and a lot of loud music, high school party. She knows about the beer, she doesn't know about the pot though.

A heap of kids are staying out on the Res tonight; there are tents pitched on the front and side lawn. We're not, I have a perfectly good double waiting for us less than three blocks away. We're going home after this shin dig.

"Oh you shouldn't have," he says sarcastically, as he rips into the colored spotty paper.

"I didn't, Ness did."

"Happy Birthday Quil," she says leaning at my side, a knowing look shard between us as she looks up, over her shoulder at me. Ness is pretty happy with the gift she found for the perv.

"Oh my god, is this an original?" he asks, looking up at me. I give him tight lipped nod. "Shit! This is so cool. Shit! Can you all go home now so I can read this?" he jokes, thumbing through the pages as we follow him inside the house.

I knew he'd cream his pants over this. During one of her visits to Olympia to see me while I was at Lupine House, Ness found this old comic book store up the road and unearthed a first edition collection of Quil's favorite comic book girl, Emma Frost. Man, he has the hots for that blond mutant telepath. I really don't want to see the state this book will be in after a couple of nights in his bedroom. Especially with the help of the 32 fluid ounce pump pack of Suave lotion we gave him too.

He holds up the bottle, reading the label. "Oooh, now with baby oil!" he cheers, nodding to himself and tucking both little treasures under his arm. "Thanks guys, this should get mom off my back for a few weeks! She's always complaining her Oil of Olay is running out too fast."

We all laugh at his unabashed, slightly tipsy hint to his private past time hobbies as we clomp down the basement stairs. Quill is a wanker, we all know it.

We're a little late to the party, my dad asked me to drop him over at the Clearwater's place just as Ness and I were about to leave for Quil's. That of course should have only been a five minute detour, but no, dad made us both sit down and talk about alcohol consumption and promise not to get too drunk first.

And then, when we got to the Clearwater's, aunty Sue had to have her unavoidable half hour conversation on my mental health status. Which is good, by the way. Very good. And then, just as we were about to leave, Mrs. Ateara rocked up and made us go through the alcohol consumption talk again, and then to promise to watch out for Quil too. She's staying at the Clearwater's tonight.

Auty Sue promised to look after my dad for me—she knows how I worry—and we promised her and Mrs. Ateara we'd keep an eye on Quil and Seth. Not that I'm gunna be able to stop Quil doing anything stupid. It's Quil. He does stupid things on a daily basis— when his sober, and not turning eighteen, and just because he's trying to be cool. But I promised all the same.

Dr. Carmen says I have to be aware of my tendency to be self-involved as I rise out of this fog. I heard him, I get it, but it's a party and I miss Ness's porcelain skin, and she has on this navy blue sweater dress with a pair of brown fuck me, so high, at the knee boots that pull my gaze up her thighs to the creaminess hidden underneath the cable knit. That dress is tight and hugging her curves in all the right places. I really want to see what she's got on underneath it, so… I'm gunna listen to Dr. C— I am— but I'm gunna still be a _little_ self-involved tonight.

I had a skype session with Dr. Carmen this morning actually, he's happy, and I'm happy, and he says I'm allowed to drive now too, which makes me even happier. My poor little Rabbit was starting to feel rejected, sitting in the garage for the past month untouched. But I gave the girl a service this morning after therapy, then stretched her legs on a drive to pick up Ness after lunch. That's all we did though… drive. No servicing her, no stretching _her_ legs, we've both been untouched by the other for the last month and a half. Ness and I aren't back there yet. Aunty Sue and Dr. Carmen don't ask me about _that _though, do they?

I'm not sure when Renesmee and I will get back to the physical relationship we used to have. I kind of hope it's tonight. She's not pushing the subject and I'm haven't been pushing either. I haven't even wanted to nudge it these last few weeks. These meds I'm on are good, they seem to be working well, but they were fucking with the Big Chief—big time. Saying that, I think it all finally got _unfucked_ a few days ago, because since Thursday, all I can think about is how much I've missed Nessie's touch.

Now that I'm doing baseball and she's dancing for the basketball team, I don't get to see her on the away games. I miss the late night bus rides back to Forks after a game, those evenings where we'd be curled up around one another. I miss the quick stops on the side of the road on our way home from school were we'd make that rabbit hop. It's not the sex that I miss though— not really. Well, I do miss that a fair bit. But mostly, it's _her_ that I miss; the feel of her skin, the closeness, the trust.

I'd forgotten all the different things that I could miss this last month. It's coming back to me now though.

Starting tonight.

If I could have, I would have restarted missing her yesterday, but I couldn't, she had to leave with the Drill team for an away game at Eatonville before lunch. It's such a pain in the ass when we play the Cruisers, it doesn't matter what sport, they always flog our asses and it's a four hour drive for that privilege. She said it was after eleven when her bus got back to school, too late for us to hang out or to covet the things I'm remembering that I've missed.

It was weird last night being home with just dad on a Friday night. A _good_ weird, but weird all the same. It was just us, watching Sport Centre, like we always have, only he's not drinking beer and sneaking moon pies anymore, and I'm not just filling in time until I have to go out again. It was actually good to have that one on one time with him. We don't do that enough.

Ness called when she got home, Embry dropped her off for me. We talked for over an hour. You know the kind of conversation where you don't say much? We just both lay in our beds, fifteen miles apart, no real banter, just sparse, idle dialogue, mostly just listening to each other's breathing and making plans for our trip to Seattle next weekend. She doesn't mention MIT anymore, I kind of wish she would. I actually want that discussion that I refused to have with her now; I'm ready to talk about it now. I might even be considering it.

So there's now two things she's not pushing me on, and both of them I now want. One, _far_ more than the other. That's gunna change, starting tonight. I'm getting underneath that sweater dress.

There is an all-round beer enriched cheer as Ness and I walk down the stairs into Quil's basement. Everyone who is anyone is here. The white kids all think it's a novelty to come slumming down on the Res. This house isn't a slum though. When Quil's dad died, Joy got a pretty big pay out. I don't know how much, but it paid for this house at least, and the granny flat for his grandpa that's attached.

The Ateara's have the biggest basement of anyone I know, even the Cullen's. It's Quil's personal playground; PlayStation along one corner, sound system along the other. There is a brick bar by the stairs, the side walls covered in this eighties jungle vine wallpaper, a long couch pushed up to it. Tonight he's got all kinds of pillows and chairs set up too and a keg set up dead-center of the room. Embry and Raven stand up, making room for us on the sofa against the back wall and Ness and her hug their hellos. Embry and I do a light fist pump and I do the same with the guys who are within easy arm reach, Paul included.

I still have no idea how he knows all that shit about me. I've tried asking him outright, but he changes the subject the second I get close. Ness has offered to ask him, but I don't want her having any kind of tête-à-tête with Lahote—he's too smooth. I know I said I'm good, I am, but I'm not naïve. I know how beautiful Ness is, even if she forgets it about herself sometimes. Every boy in this room knows it… she's not talking to Paul in private if I have any say in it—_and_ she's wearing that sweater dress. Yeah, that's just gunna have to remain a mystery for now.

Lahote and I have completely made amends about the gym incident. I had my last before-school detention yesterday. His nose is healing, the black eye got him some good attention with the girls the next day. My lip is still scabbed over, Ness has been giving it a fair bit of attention, but like I said, just the lips, that's all so far, nothing else.

"Oh Jake, how are you?" asks Raven, launching into a hug. I haven't seen her since the whole 'Jake is a nut' case incident, I guess she knows the real story, not the fabricated one the gossips were fed. She's probably heard it all from both Emb _and_ Ness.

"I'm good Raven, thank you. I'm good." She considers me for a few seconds, nodding to herself and then seeming to decide that I am, in fact, _good._

We sit, squished between EmbRave—Quil named them that months ago and it's stuck— it doesn't take long for the first round of drinks to come our way. I promised dad I'm only going to have a few beers tonight—nothing that's gunna make me drunk. No more than three, maybe four. Ness isn't a huge fan of beer, so she promised Dad and Mrs. Ateara she wouldn't get drunk either. I take a cup, handing it to Ness and turn back for my own. She wiggles a little bit, scooting under my arm, snuggling into my side. I take a sip, wrap my arm around my girl and settle back to watch the inevitable drunken amateur sex show that is a high school party.

* * *

It's sometime after midnight and I have managed to keep my promise. I have stopped at four beers, they happened to have been 16oz portions, but I'm not drunk. Stoned..? Maybe… But not drunk… Much.

There is some pretty good music playing tonight; some high synth house music, the base thumping though my chest, all the intricacies of the music laid out like a story board within my altered mind. Jarred is playing DJ and mixing tunes on his sound gear, he's really good. I love that guy.

It's not quite as crowded down here as it was before. Some of the kids have trickled outside, exiting from the external cellar door. Quil's been trying to keep them out of the main house. People are making out in all the far corners of the place. I heard Cai and Demetri got into a fight somewhere outside and fucking Liam Brennan blew chunks at the bottom of the stairs. Quil's made him clean it up. Quil, man, I love that guy, I hope he finally gets laid tonight.

For all the shit I give Ateara, I have to admit he throws a pretty good kegger. It's dark and loud down here, the air is filled with smoke… tobacco and grass. I swear to god, Kim supplies the best weed I have ever had, in my entire life. She just brought out her really good stuff, she says it's not her normal pot, she's sharing her good personal stash with just the few of us. This one that's going around is Kush all rolled up in some hash oil painted paper. At least I think that's what it is. I mean, Ness and I have already shared maybe two blunts and… holy fuck. And now just one drag on this hash joint… I'm mellow yet focused and very, _very_ appreciative—the world is a beautiful place. And the fucking vines on the wallpaper are growing.

* * *

Nessie has moved, she's siting behind me now, on top of the sofa back rest, playing rock, paper, scissors with Raven. They've been playing for ages. Over and over again. It's fascinating to watch. She just threw a rock to Raven's paper. And Ness has lost whatever bet they'd just made. She doesn't seem too upset about it though.

The girls all huddle in for some secret pow wow and then Kim crawls over to Jared's laptop, changing the song that's playing. God this music is good. Kim's hair is growing snakes. The dreadlocks are really snakes… she has snakes in her hair. How did I know notice that before?

The next thing I know, Ness is up, standing on the back of the sofa, her fuck me boots are off and her pink painted toes are just near my shoulders as she balances on the four inch space. She's got the prettiest little toes. Pink, like the color of her nipples just before she cums. Like a diver on the edge of a high platform, she's balancing on the balls of her feet, standing above me, I look up and see the blue of her panties, they match her dress— only they're sateen not wool. Fuck she has nice legs.

She takes a long drawn out drag on the j between her fingers before slowly bending forward, folding in half until she is staring me in the face, upside down, grabbing hold of my face and shotgun kissing me, Spiderman style. The pungent sweet smoke blowing directly from her mouth to mine. I've just discovered my new most favorite way to take a hit.

The new song comes on and she hands me the smoke, then braces her hands on my shoulders before using me as a platform to hand spring off the sofa. It's a pretty impressive move, especially in that sweater dress, but nothing on what she dishes out next.

The song is an old Beyoncé one, I think it's a deliberate choice, it's slow, with a heady beat, the harem like exotic melody winding up and around the room. Ness's body is moving with it, winding up and around me.

Oh. My. Fucking. Gods. So this is what the rock off was about. I'm about to get my first ever lap dance. And I don't even have to pay for it. Well. Fuck. Me.

I sit back on the sofa, completely unconcerned that we're at a crowded party and there is probably twenty other sets of ogling eyes watching her move her body. I have the spotlight focus, she's dancing on _me_, to _me_… for me. Life is too good. Be dammed who else is watching. Even the wallpaper vines are dancing with her.

I'm gunna enjoy this.

* * *

I take another drag of the last of the joint that she gave me and hand it off to Seth across from us. Folding my hands behind my head I let out a long stream of smoke. My legs are stretched out in front of me, crossed at the ankles and 'The Big Chief' has arrived for a day at the office.

"I… love to love ya ba-by," she sings, slow and drawn out, "I'm feelin' sexy, I wanna hear you say my name, boy."

Her hands are gliding up and down her body, giving me a taste of what, hopefully, will be yet to come. Her lips are parted and smile slightly as she stares at me. She's making little figure of eights with her hips as she stands either side of my legs. She's so tiny, this woman of mine, her legs are split, her dress riding up as her inner tights brush against my knees as she attempts to straddle my giant legs.

Her hips are circling around and around as she bends forward like a sex goddess, both hands lower to my knees, the scoop of that dress falling forward just enough that I can see that her bra is a matching color to the dress too. That bra, it's like a deep dark ocean, like glassy water, fluid and graceful. Her bra is the ocean.

She keeps on bending, her face inches from mine. "Tonight, I'll be your naughty girl, I'm callin' all my girls, we're gunna turn this party out, I know you want my body," she's sings with heavy influence on the word _'body'_, her voice low and husky and so, so sexy. She's got this knowing look in her eye too, that, even though I've not said a single thing about us tonight finally getting naked again, she's already right there on the same page. Like, she's feeling the same things as me. Horny.

Then she bends a little further, her hips still swaying as her lips get temptingly close to the last two squares of the six-pack behind my shirt. Her hands just graze the side of my hips, just for a split second, then they go back to her own hips as they swing. Her fingers travel up her body, over her boobs then a swirling pattern across her stomach and throat. It's like she's washing her body in slippery bubbly soap, I'd be happy to help her get clean. My hand reaches up to her hip and it gets slapped away. Apparently I'm just an observer in this fully clothed strip tease. Along with everyone else who's watching. They're all watching her.

Ness steps back then, her little toes nudging my ankles apart. I comply, opening them and my knees spread slightly apart.

Then she turns around, her perfect ass staring at me through that fitted cable knit. Slowly, oh so fucking slowly, she bends down, her hands touching the floor as her ass moves, still in figure of eight loops. She looks up at me, her hair falling like a chocolate-red velvet fountain onto the tiles, "I see you look me up and down," she sings, her upside down face looking up the length of my body, "and I came to party." Her hair is a chocolate fountain, luscious glossy melted hot chocolate flowing down over her. I want to lick it up and down.

Then she turns to face me again, kneeling on the sofa, her knees either side of my hips as she holds on to one of my shoulders and bends back, her other arm stretched out like she's riding me like a rodeo bull in slow motion. Still, her hips are moving, circling around and around, now though, it's in direct contact with my hips. Ho-ly fuck. My balls are gunna explode.

As I hold on her upper thighs, she doesn't slap me away this time, my hands sneak further under the dress. The contrast of her smooth warm skin on my palms and the soft springy wool on my knuckles is significant —there is nothing better than Nessie's skin. I brace her as she bends back some more, her covered boobs pressed proudly to the sky, her throat exposed, the two little pendants—cherries and an angel— falling into the hollows where are her head falls back. Her hands reach behind her and she teasingly strokes along my thigh, along the inner seam of my jeans, stopping just before she reaches The Big Chief. Fuck me, she's so bendy.

All the while her pelvis is gyrating against mine.

My hands weave under her ass, my fingers finding that same sateen material I got a glimpse of earlier and I lever her up. She flips her head back to look me straight in the eye, "I… love to love ya ba-by." She's still moving, her hips and her chest moving in opposite directions like a belly dancer as the song fades into another one.

I don't really care what's playing or who's watching or where I am on my way out of the fog. What fog? Her little legs are around me, her hot pussy pressing into the Chief. My mouth crashes into hers with alarming force, my hands cupping the back of her head and holding her still as I breathe the sex straight into me. Her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls herself up, pressing her hot tits against my chest. Her lips are so soft, her whole body is soft as I shift to lie her down on the sofa, my entire body covering hers as I stretch out on top of her.

* * *

Somewhere in the distance I hear a holler of cat calls, but it doesn't register in the euphoric lust filled haze. Our tongues are flicking together, soft and wet, her warm breath filling me up. My hands explore over her dress. Her tits are soft. Her thighs are soft. Her ass is soft.

Her hands are as busy as mine. Pulling on my hair, dragging me closer to her lips, then over my shoulders, and chest, unbuttoning the buttons of my shirt. God I've missed her hands.

"Fuck Ness, I love you," I say as her hands rub over the bulge in my pants.

I play with the sweater dress, pulling the edges of that bra down thought the knit and find a nipple by feel, giving it a little squeeze to prove I've arrived. She moans directly into my mouth in response. Her hands shifting to find the buckle of my belt. I lift my hip back to give her some access as my lips move across her face, kissing along her jaw and finding as sweet spot behind her ear and sucking, hard.

I can hear someone say, "you think we should stop them?" I think it's Seth, I don't know. My senses are consumed with Ness; her cherry lips, her nutty exotic smell, the little moans of pleasure she's sending along my tongue as I play with her nipples though her dress.

The background comment is followed by a laughing reply from someone else, "Leave 'em alone, they haven't fucked in weeks." I know that's Quil, he's preoccupied with my sex life.

He's right though, we haven't.

Ness has managed to unbuckle my belt, her fingers groping at the fly as her legs wind around the back of my ass. Oh my god, I love her supple body. This damn dress is getting in the way though. I shove it up, bunching it along her ribs, pushing it until it's bundled up under her armpits, her pretty little breasts standing proud above the rearranged sateen bra. It looks good, her skin tone against the navy blue, I don't take too long to admire though. It's a front clasping bra and my fingers pinch the clip, letting those puppies free, my hand is almost instantly covering and getting a good grip on one as the other one is covered by my mouth, my lips finding purchase over her nipple, sucking and pulling. Her skin is so soft, smooth and gliding under my palms. She's warm and her tits shape to my fingers and lips. I'm lost in a giant mold of boobie shaped jelly, sweet and squishy, I could just play with these things all night long. I love her body so much.

Ness must be thinking the same thing as she starts to return the favor. Her hand slinks into my pants, wrapping her warm fingers over my dick and stroking slowly. Oh god, I'm gunna fuck her right here.

I feel a strong tap on my shoulder, more like four finger shove. I look up, my mouth leaving her nipple with a loud popping sound, to see Paul Lahote, of all people. He's looking at me, trying not to get a look at the glistening nipple that just popped from my lips. I see his eyes rove down though, they _are_ pretty good breasts.

"You think maybe you guys should take this somewhere more private?" he says, looking at me, and then averting his eyes to the wall, only a really quick detour over her tits on the way. The vines are still growing, they have enveloped most of the defensive line up.

Ness sit's up a little, leaning back on her elbows, awkwardly pulling the dress over her nips, just leaving a little bit of the underside showing. Oh fuck, that looks good, sooooo good. My head nuzzles back down, licking the little half-moons I can see.

Ness starts giggling, my tongue tickling over the sensitive skin. Her hands leave my dick, its pressing against the soft material of her panties, and she holds the sides of her boobs, pushing them together and trapping my face between. Oh man, I could just suffocate in here, I'd really be quite happy to take my last breath trapped right here, between the twins. She's laughing still, her hands moving over the side of my head and holding me there like a vice.

"Hey Jake, come-on man. Ness! You guys need to go find a room. Seriously, you'll regret this in the morning," says Lahote. I completely forgot he was standing there. I lift up from my squishy pillows, , looking around, my face covered in jelly. Felix and Tanya are making out on the bean bag, Jared and Kim are doing some kind of weird tantric staring contest and I see a few other guys from school—there all trapped by the vines, and they're all staring at Nessie's exposed tits.

I look back down at those tits, now pressed together, two sets of round points staring up at me. Ness starts chuckling, it morphs into a deep bellied, abandoned laugh. My mouth finds one nipple again, licking over it and then the other before joining her in the laughter. All these guys _wish_ they could have a piece of these fine tits. But there mine. All mine.

"Come-on. Pull your shirt down Renesmee," says Paul softly, pulling the side of her sweater dress down to cover her spectacular tits and then her panties. "Jake man, your dick's still out, put it back in its tent."

"Tent," laughs Ness, cackling and sitting up. "Come on babe, let's go somewhere before all these boys blow a load in there Levis."

She gets up off the sofa, holding my hand and pulling me up with her. "Will a bedroom be all right, officer _fun police_?" she says over her shoulder to Lahote. She doesn't wait for an answer, instead she just raises up on her tippy toes, stretching her hands above her head and making groaning sound in the back of her throat before focusing on my crouch and dropping suddenly to her knees, unzipping the fly I'd just done up. "God I love your dick, it's so hard and juicy," her little hands reach in as she knee walks closer to me.

"Woah, woah Ness, just…" Paul has her by the wrists, pulling her hands away. "…just go find a room, would you." She throws her head back in a cackle, coming back up to her feet.

My god, she's like a woman possessed, I want to possess her. "This way baby," I say, taking her by the hand as we stumble up the basement stairs.

* * *

We zigzag along the hall, stopping at the end. Quil's room is locked. It think Emb and Raven are already in there. Mrs. A's room is empty, it's quiet and there is a big soft queen size bed waiting for us. We step in, slamming the door shut and shedding all of our clothes by the blanket box at the foot of the bed. We just stand there, face to face, toe to toe, hands exploring every curve and every corner of each other's body. She is so soft, like squishy gel, compressing and molding to my fingers.

Her hands find my dick, two hands playing and stroking. She cups under my balls, the tension rising up inside of me, the muscles in my stomach contracting and coiling.

Everything about this little woman in front of me is amazing; the way she looks, the way she smells, the way she loves me, the way she feels— I can feel every inch of her skin tonight. It's like our auras are touching, or something.

She lifts up on to her toes, stretching up to kiss me. My lips feel like pillows, a smooth salve sliding and moving over hers. Her skin is like silk, milky and creamy.

We fall back onto the mattress her legs wrapping around mine, her wet center moving against the tip of my dick. It's just playing, like I'm just testing the waters, dipping my toe in. Covering my head in her slick wet, I get a hold and move it up and down her folds. Oh lordie lordie. This feels so amazing. I have never felt anything like this ever before. Everything is better, so sensual, so receptive.

She lets out a long drawn out moan as the tip of my dick flicks around her sensitive bean. Back and forth I flick, around and around, the underside of my head getting a good little stimulus at the same time. Her hands are all over my chest, tracing the lines of muscle, playing with my nipples, skating over my abs. She folds her fingers though her own moisture, moving between my dick and her clit. Giving herself a few good rubs while she's down there. Then she moves my hand away from my own dick, getting a good grip and jerking her wet slippery hands gliding up and down my shaft.

The feeling is second to none. Every nerve fiber in my body is firing, sending signals of pleasure to my heads—both of them.

"I love you so much Jake," she mumbles between kisses. She's alternating between tugging on my cock and using it to rub her own sensitive bean. In the quiet of the bedroom, the faint noise of the party going on downstairs and outside, she lines me up with herself, shifting her hips as I move mine and I am enveloped. I can feel every square millimeter of this wet, warm cave that's moving along me. I can feel every tremor, every swell and every ripple. She's kept her hands down there, pleasuring herself as I move above.

We are slow and steady, both of us relishing the intensified feeling from this extraordinary high. It feels like hours that we are making love on Mrs. Ateara's bed. Both of us a ball of sweat, slick bodies rocking back and forth, building and building as we both get closer and closer to the top. We've moved, both of us now sitting, we're facing each other, Nessie's legs are wrapped around my waist, and mine are crossed under her round ass. Her breasts are pressed up against my chest, nipples dragging over skin. I can feel the trail her heat makes on its way up, then down. Up… then down. My hands are splayed around her back, holding her close as we move, our mouths only parting occasionally for breath.

"I love you Ness," I breathe, my lips kissing along her milky throat.

Her chest is heaving, her shoulders rolling with each thrust, I can feel her nearing her top— it pulls me up with her. She grabs a hold of my head, both of her hands clasping either side as she presses her forehead to mine. She stares into my eyes, big black pupils with just a faint ring of gold then chocolate gazing at me. So beautiful. Then, like in slow motion, we both burst through the clouds, the glorious sunshine hitting our bodies as we reach the summit of the climb, the climax of our love. It's unbelievable; the feeling. Every single cell in my body is humming in tune with hers. We are one, fused together, shifting to a higher plane of existence as she screams soundlessly. My body shuddering up inside of her, transferring all that I am and all that I will ever be, to her. We both shout out, praying to the heavens for each other.

We stay like this, sitting, wrapped around each other, arms holding tight, foreheads pressed together; breathing the same air, our eyes lost in each other, our souls mingling for—again— what seems like hours.

Our eye contact is broken, both of us turning abruptly to the sound of a toilet flushing, the private bathroom door opening and our friend exiting, a new comic book in his hand,. "Emma Frost to the soundtrack of a live action porno. Best birthday, _ever_!" cuts Quil with a bitter look on his face as he stands in the doorway, observing at us as I sit impaled inside her. "Just wish I was actually getting to experience of it myself" Quil grumbles to himself as he covers his face, walking blindly from his mother's room, closing the door loudly behind him.

We turn back to each other, Nessie's lips breaking in to a grin as she looks down the length of our naked and united bodies, her laughter breaking into the silence of the room. I join her, our bodies shuddering and stimulating with the abandonment.

"He's gunna need more lotion," Nessie quips as I smile back at her gorgeous face. I love her.

"TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!" I scream, "I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one _step_," my still hard cock pressing up as I pull her deep down on to me. "My future—self— is rooting for me," each phrase is stressed by a thrust. "I release— expectations— on what I thought my life— would— be like." I have lifted her up, holding her around me and I come to kneel, lowering her back and pressing her down on to the sheets as she continues to laugh maniacally.

* * *

We have not uncoupled from the first round before I start to move again for a second; feeling renewed so soon, I spread her legs wide, my hands holding the back of her calves as I press down until her toes touch the sheets above her, moving my hips harder and with much less care than before.

She is laughing, her eyes wild as her hair falls in a mess of wild curls on the pillow, over her shoulders and curing around her arms. Her hands are above her head, holding on to the bedrail as she lifts her pelvis to meet me. It is quick and uncoordinated, we fuck out the frustrations and lamentations of this past month. We reach a much faster and pointed orgasm, but no less powerful, and with different geological consequences. The earth does not move; it is still. The thunder above instead jolting through us, lighting us up as we burn. Quick and electrifying, shocking in its rapidity.

It jots us however, both of us waking from the copulative dream. Before we fall back asleep, twisted in the mess of pink flowers.

* * *

I can hear the rain falling and the thunder rolling as it passes out to sea. The deluge is still loud on the windows, the wind whistling through the slightly open sliding window, the floor wet beneath.

I lie spent, naked, sweaty, and thirsty, looking around the unfamiliar room. Ness is lying across my chest, her leg twisted with mine and she rises, her hands on my chest, her spine bent back as she lifts up to look, her eyes fixating on the side table. I turn to look, a digital clock spelling out the red digits of 4:02am. Next to it is a pewter framed photo of a young Quil maybe five or six, sitting in the arms of a man I vaguely remember as his dad. He must have been five, Quil IV died when we were in the first grade. I remember my dad and all the men getting all the boats they could and searching the ocean for the fisherman. They never found his body.

"What the hell have we done Jake?" she gasps and sits up, crawling over the floral pink bed spread, scrambling to find her clothes. "What the hell happened last night?"

"I've got no clue Ness. I have no idea how we even got here." My voice is scratchy and deep, like I've smoked a whole pack of 20's in one sitting. Maybe I did? I can't remember shit.

We're both quiet for a minute. I can hear the rain slowing on the window pane, the cold air that bows in, pricking my sweaty skin. "You gave me a _lap dance._ I remember that."

She gasps, remembering, "I had my boobs out in front of everyone!" she cries, her eyes wild and shocked as he pulls her pretty sateen blue panties on. "You were practically fucking me on the couch!"

I'm still sitting naked on the bed, one leg on the floor as I try to remember more. "Paul," I say, meeting her eye. "Paul was there, he made us go get a room."

"Yeah," she answers softly in confirmation, pausing as she untwists the straps of her bra, fastening it up. "Jake, that wasn't just marijuana we had last night." Her head shaking in misgiving.

"It had hash oil or something—"

"No. That wasn't hash. Or just good Kush. That was something else altogether." Her eyes narrow, as she throws her arms into that sweater dress. "Hurry up and get dressed, I want to go see Kim. That was definitely _not_ just a really good joint."

I get up and have managed to get my boxers on and one leg in my jeans before she's headed out the door. I grab my shirt and shove the other foot in the jeans and race after her, doing up my fly on the way. She's storming thought the house, I catch up to her as we walk through the lounge room. It's quiet and there are sleeping kids scattered all over the living room rug and couches.

* * *

The basement door is open, I slide my shirt back on not bothering to button it up as we tip toe down the steps. Jarred and Kim are lying on the couch asleep in their underwear.

"Kimberly Thomas!" she whisper shouts in the dark quiet room, the sound of the remnant rain still dripping on from the down pipe outside the half window.

Kim open her eyes a little, squinting at me and Ness standing over her in the darkness. "What?" her voice is croaky from sleep and a few too many bowls.

"What the fuck did you give us to smoke last night? That was not Kush or Hash and you know it!"

She sits up now, carefully unwinding from Jarred arms and sitting on the edge of the sofa. "Okay, I added a little bit of happiness in there for you guys—to help Jake with his blues."

"To help?" Ness asks incredulously, "What you mean by '_happiness'_?_" _She's really angry. I've never seen Ness this angry, not when she found out that Seth was pretend to be her boyfriend, not when I yelled at her to go home that night I got the acceptance letter, not even when Bella was all flirty before homecoming or when they nearly came to blows up in Whistler.

Kim is looking away, avoiding her eye as she rolls her shoulder unnerved, "just a little Dust," she says.

"Angel Dust! Are you fucking kidding me?!" Ness is in her face and her now very loud whisper voice has woken Jared up. "He's just got though psychosis, damn it! This is the kind of shit that will send him right back there. You gotta tell people this kind of thing Kimmy. Fuck!" She's pacing back and forth along the edge of the couch. "I mean the alcohol and the pot was pushing the envelope already Kim," Ness's voice is contrite and pleading. I think she's upset with herself more than anyone else. She covers her hands with her face and stops pacing. "Ugh, PCP, are you fucking kidding me?"

"I normally just get a really good buzz out of it, laughing and shit," the dreadlocked girl says turning to her boyfriend, "don't we?" Still a little confused Cameron nods, coming to sit with Kim, his arm around her shoulders.

"I sure as shit was laughing, cracking myself as I tried to give Jake a BJ in front of half of the varsity team," she shrieks, pointing to the spot she's standing in, the very spot of said BJ attempt. Then she turns abruptly to me, a stricken look on her face. "Oh fuck! Did we have sex on Joy's bed while Quill was taking a dump in the ensuite?"

Oh shit, I think we did. Only he wasn't taking a dump.

Quil has seen me naked… and Ness. And we fucked on Mrs. Ateara's bed. We've got to go change those sheets.

"Twice," I say, licking my dry lips, my head throbbing. I need a drink of water.

She responds by moaning into her hands. Shaking her head in mortification. She looks up at me, sucking in a long breath before exhaling in a deep sigh. "Come on babe," she says taking my hand and picking up her boots that were discarded long before any angle got inside our heads. "Let's go back to your house."

I nod, agreeing, "We should change the sheets first, and find Quil."

She face palms again, moaning into her fingers. "Oh my god. Quill Ateara has seen my tits."

* * *

**Hey all, hope you liked that slightly more lighthearted chapter.**

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	47. Chapter 47- Cleaning up the Mess

**This is basically a carry-on from the previous chapter. It's only short, but the high of the party needed some kind of consequence, even if I do let them off light. (Writers prerogative.) **

**I'm quite a few chapter ahead and where I am currently writing is nearing the end of the story. So as a consequence, you guys are going to get twice weekly updates (or close to it) until the end if this fic. Lucky you!**

**Thanks Aretee for Beta-ing for me. For the record, when I say ****track**** I mean ****Oval**** to all us Aussies and Kiwis and probably all the other commonweal country readers out there. Thanks L. I need your constant help to keep my Aussie-izims to a minimum. ;-P**

**I hope you all enjoy what you read.**

**M**

…

**Last Time on P &amp; C"s…**

"**Angel Dust! Are you fucking kidding me?!" Ness is in her face and her now very loud whisper voice has woken Jared up. "He's just got though psychosis, damn it! This is the kind of shit that will send him right back there. You gotta tell people this kind of thing Kimmy. Fuck!" She's pacing back and forth along the edge of the couch. "I mean the alcohol and the pot was pushing the envelope already Kim," Ness's voice is contrite and pleading. I think she's upset with herself more than anyone else. She covers her hands with her face and stops pacing. "Ugh, PCP, are you fucking kidding me?"**

"**I normally just get a really good buzz out of it, laughing and shit," the dreadlocked girl says… **

…"**I sure as shit was laughing, cracking myself as I tried to give Jake a BJ in front of half of the varsity team," she shrieks, pointing to the spot she's standing in, the very spot of said BJ attempt. Then she turns abruptly to me, a stricken look on her face. "Oh fuck! Did we have sex on Joy's bed while Quill was taking a dump in the ensuite?"**

**Oh shit, I think we did. Only he wasn't taking a dump.**

"**Twice," I say, licking my dry lips, my head throbbing. I need a drink of water.**

**She face palms again, moaning into her fingers. "Oh my god. Quill Ateara has seen my tits."…**

* * *

**Chapter 47 – Cleaning up the Mess**

I never realized how much of my illness she was carrying as her own. I realized this morning after the party, the way she confronted her friend. The way she blamed herself, as if I was innocent of the fact that I had knowingly wrapped my lips around the blunt and drawn. I realized a lot of things this morning. I was a little too self-involved last night, and we were idiot's smoking pot and drinking when we'd promised so many people we'd be good. Who knows how it could have interacted with my meds. I'm so fucking lucky it didn't.

Ness is a bit of a mess when we get back to my place. The sun is still behind the horizon, the house is quiet as we sneak in. We get into the shower to clean the smoke and sex and sweat off our bodies. To purify and recover so we can try and get a few hours of healthy sleep in.

She's quiet as I turn on the water, she's so tired. I feel the same. That shit we smoked burnt up our metabolism like wild fire. I'm looking forward to my own bed. I take dad's shower chair out so there's enough room for us both and we get in. I love taking showers with Ness, I love when she's all slippery and soapy, her boobs really do look exceptionally good with water. I get on to my knees, I'm hooter height like this—the best height there is. I love watching the little rivulets of water trickling over the swells and beading on the tips. My tongue dipping out to catch the drips. I look up at her when I hear her sharp intake of breath, and I realize it's not just water on her skin— tears are streaming done her face too.

"Ness, baby, what's wrong?" I ask, standing up, my hands at her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Jake, I'm so sorry." She's sobbing into her hands, her body hunched over as her shoulders shake. She just keeps saying it over and over again. 'Sorry'…

Sorry she'd let that happen. Sorry she was such a slut. Sorry she'd not stopped me from drinking. Sorry she'd encouraged me by joining me in smoking. Sorry she'd not been able to help me all those weeks ago, before I'd found myself on the edge… her words are a jumbled mess of tears and snot and self-deprecation. It's a side of Ness I don't see often. I like the 'seize the day' girl better.

She's hiccuping as she lifts her head and moves to rinse the last bit of shower gel of her legs. Then she looks at me, her beautiful, hazelnut eyes wide and lamented. "I'm so sorry Jake, I wish I'd been enough to hold back the fog for you."

I pull her to me, her body slamming against mine as I squeeze her arms. I don't care how rough or hard I grip her. I hold her little body to mine and tell her over and over and over, that it doesn't matter about the party. That I love her, no matter what. That I'm fine. I'm not relapsing. I'm not schizing out. That it was my idiot choice to smoke and drink. How could she have known what else was in the joint. That she _is_ enough. She is more than enough, she is downright perfect.

"It was you, Ness, who pulled me back. Without you, I'd still be lost in that fog, baby. I'd still be lost." I hold her ear to my chest, "That's my heart," I say coarsely. She's got to understand this. "You hear that? It's beating because of you, Ness. It's beating _for_ you, Ness. Our hearts beat as one."

I'm crying now too, my face is pressed into the top of her head, my words muffled by her hair and by the tightness in my throat. She doesn't realize how much her love was my life-line.

"Once the tsunami hit Ness, it was too strong for me to fight. It was like a current pulling me under, sweetheart, nothing could stop it. I had no control over it inside my own mind. How can you think _you_ could have from the outside? You can't beat chemistry Ness, you know that. Nothing could hold back that fog. Nothing. It was gunna take me no matter what, but Renesmee… I had a life line. You were my life line back."

I pull her away from me, holding her at an arm's length. My hands are gripping either side of her shoulders as I bend down to her, searching into her eyes.

"You, baby. You pulled me back. Don't you understand Nessie? You pulled— me—off— the—edge." Literally.

She nods, closing her eyes and leaning into my chest. Standing face to face like this her face presses into my heart.

"I love you Jacob," she says, her lips pressed against my pec.

I squeeze her tighter against me, "I love you too, Ness. Forever."

We stand there like this, naked, pressed together in the scalding water until it becomes lukewarm and our spirits have cooled even further.

I think a lot of her bawling is her coming down off the tic tac; a little bit is her feeling the pressure of my disease, and a trace of it is what this Friday's date means for her.

In a warped part of her brain, her failing her child as a mother and her failing me as the Bipolar manifested, have become her fault. She's never actually said that, that she feels guilty about not being to keep her child safe in her own body. But I know her, and with every half comment and offhand remark, I know that's what she's feeling.

I can't fix it, but I'm sure gunna try with all the love and devotion I can muster.

* * *

We manage to get a few more hours sleep, waking up mid-morning and heading back to the Ateara's place to help them clean up. I feel like it's an atonement of sorts, for our bedroom sins.

Seth is already here, he says had a pretty fucked up night apparently. He'd had some of that fry-stick Kim had secretly given us and, from what he says, it sounds like he's hallucinations got way worse than mine. He says he woke up lying naked in the middle of the forest, his mom was so freaked out when he didn't come home and then when he wasn't at Quil's either. So he's back at the Altera's house this morning, cleaning up as part of his punishment. He's grounded too.

I'm so lucky my dad doesn't keep close tabs on me and that Nessie's folks are half way across the world. He barely looked up from the TV as me and Ness cooked ourselves a 10:30 breakfast. Only to say that Leah Clearwater phoned earlier letting us know that we can use her and Sam's fold out couch next weekend when we go to Seattle for the U Dub freshman tour. I haven't told Ness about my reconsidering MIT yet. No one knows that but Dr. C.

So we're tidying up around the charming and now slightly trashed house; mopping out the basement, picking up the large red cups that are littered around the yard, discreetly hiding the ash trays of butted out joints. Quil still won't really look at Ness and me. Ness is horrified that we didn't even care that he heard us fucking each other's brains out. We care now though… we care a lot.

By mid-afternoon the house is back to the perfect, spotless state Mrs. Ateara keeps it in. She has new sheets on her bed too.

I corner Quil in his room while Ness is helping Joy wash up after the late lunch she's graciously made for us.

"Quil man, we gotta talk," I say.

"It's cool Jake, don't worry about it," he says, trying to get past me. I shift to move, blocking him for the door.

"No man. I want to apologize, or something. You know I would never do shit like that sober, we didn't know there was embalming fluid in that last j Kim rolled. I feel bad that we all got so trashed and you got… well… a big fucking mess to clean up and nothing more than a comic book to have a good time with on your birthday."

"Yeah. I know. Don't forget the image of your beautiful girlfriend wrapped around your naked ass on my mom's bedspread; I got that image to remind me I'm still a virgin with no prospects on the horizon too." He does a back flop on to his bed. His arms out wide as he stares at the poster of Kate Upton on his ceiling.

"Please tell me you're not gunna jerk off to the memory of Ness fucking me while we were totally mashed." I sit on the ground next to his bed, my head leaning on the edge of his mattress as I look up at the poster too.

"I could tell you that, but I'd be lying." My friend, always honest. "Nessie's aren't as big as those though," he says, his finger flicking up to the melons hanging out of the bikini on the swim suit model above us.

I just laughed as his openness, "They're a handful man. That's all ya need; they're a really good handful."

"She's so tiny Jake. Do you just throw her around? Aren't you afraid your gunna break her in half?" I realize then, with a lurch of my gut, that I haven't just hung out with just me and Quil or even just me Quil and Emrby without the girls; talking shit, and just sniggering and salivating over the pictures in his mom's Intimo brochures.

Since me and Ness got together I haven't done anything that wasn't a group thing with him and I suppose Embry's been wrapped up in Raven too. I realize my friend is missing me, and I miss my friend too. Even if he does have the hots for my girl. Can't blame him… she's hot.

The poor guy is desperate to lose his virginity. That's the problem though— he's desperate. So as another form of atonement, and just out of the goodness of my heart, we sit in his room, for a good half hour, as he asks me questions, and I –discreetly—divulge.

* * *

"What really happened that day, Jake?" he asks me quietly after a while. "Were you going to jump off that cliff?" I've been waiting for it. My friends deserve a better explanation than my silence.

I'm quiet for a few beats before answering. "I don't remember Quil, honestly… it's hard to remember anything about that time. It's like I was living in some kind of dream. There's this nothingness. Like, it's too much to even feel the sadness that enveloped me."

We both look up to see Seth standing in the door way, his shoulder leaning against the frame. "Hey," he says apologetic for interrupting. I think he's been listening in. He looks tired and a little grey from the night he's had, and I see the look in his eye he gives me before he speaks again. The look that says he's my brother from another mother and he too wants to know if I was gunna kill myself that day. But he covers it up with some typical small talk. "I'm gunna go home, see if mom will let me sleep or if I have a million socks to match up or something."

"Sure man," says Quil. He and Seth aren't as close as Seth and me, but they're still friends. We've all been a big part of each other's lives growing up, all of us having a parent— or grandparent— on the Tribal Council. "Thanks for your help cleaning up today, bro."

"Yeah no worries, it's not like I had any choice in it anyway," Seth scoffs. Then he looks at me, his eyes cautious and searching. Yeah, he was listening in to at least the last bit of our conversation.

I speak up before Seth moves away. "Hey guys, I just… just…" I swallow hard, it's not easy talking about this stuff. "I just want you to know that I'm doing better… I'm not perfect… I still have some dumb thoughts now and then… but… I'm not gunna go jumping off a cliff or anything," I say, directly addressing Quil's concerns and I'd assume, Seth's too. "And… well… I'm gunna try and be a better friend to you both… to just… be better."

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved—The best proof of love is trust._

Seth, who's always been better at showing he's emotions, steps into the bedroom, leaning down and giving me the manliest hug he can muster. "Love you, Jake, I'm glad you're okay."

Quil just laughs, "Come on faggot." I don't know when he found out about Seth's preferences, but he knows, "stop trying to cop a feel of my best friend. I saw his ass last night and it's pretty good. But it's Nessie's, she's not gunna let you wreck it."

He's such an inappropriate fucker. But it lightens the mood at least.

* * *

...

* * *

"What am I gunna do, Jake? He's still looking at me! Eeeeww. Can you do something? It's freaking me out." We're in gym class. We're doing a mini Olympics this month. Ness just ran three laps of the track and the whole time Alistair Cummins was gawking at her from where he and the rest of the chess team are lined up waiting to get on the bus. He was one of the half dozen guys who saw her boobs last weekend at Quil party. And he's been trying his best to get another look ever since.

I just laugh. A part of me, the currently more confident part, finds this whole situations a little humorous. I'm sure we'll look back on that party, many, _many_, years from now and laugh about it. She gave me lap dance in front of at least ten people for crying out loud. It's not an ideal situation, I have to admit, but, I have learned to not let that jealous monster rule my behavior. Last time I did that, it got me a split lip and a weeks' worth of detentions.

Of all the people who saw Nessie's tits, I'm not too jealous of _Alistair_. I'm pretty confident Ness has never given him anything more than a sideways glance. Even _my_ cave man brain knows he's no competition. His obvious infatuation and weirdness is giving her the high school heebie-jeebies though. He's clearly jerking off every night to whatever visual of Ness is seared into his brain, imagining it was his lips sucking on her nips instead of mine. His obviousness is killing any chance he could have ever had with Ness though—which was 0.001% by the way—he's just grossing her out too much.

So I laugh that little Alistair Cummins, with his greasy hair, and oily skin, and weedy arms, has the hots for my girlfriend.

Even though I do laugh, a part of me is still uber possessive about her. I don't like the fact that so many guys saw her boobs, even if they were so drunk most of them can't remember it clearly. It irks me a little to know that Paul was one of those guys, and from my hazy memory, not at all drunk.

But he's cooled he's innuendo and suggestiveness towards Renesmee these past few weeks. I haven't yet, but I think I really should thank him for helping us from making an even bigger mistake that night. And try again to find out how the hell he knew all that stuff.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved—The best proof of love is trust._

The other guys though, they basically made popcorn and settled in for a show… they're fair game.

The last few days at school this week I have been glaring at every other guy and ready the thump anyone who even looked like they're remembering what those perfect tits look like or how she looked as she moved for me. Ness has been mortified, even after we found out that Liz and Tanya made out on the back table around a ring of people chanting. _And_ a video of it has circulated around the campus, Ness is still embarrassed by our exploits. At least we kind of have an excuse, Liz and Tanya didn't even have Hash let alone _Angel dust_ to blame for their actions. And thank fuck no one made a video of us. Or at least they value there life too much to post it anywhere.

There have been a few snide comments, most of them from girls. But Ness is generally well regarded and popular enough that it really hasn't been as bad as we'd thought it would be. I think it's made her even more popular somehow. She just attracts people to her, like honey to a bee. I guess that makes me a bear, converting that honey in her hive. My honey, I say, _mine_.

So anyone who has been caught looking at even the shape of her tits in the thick sweaters she's been wearing all week has got a death stare from me and a thinly veiled threat of a beat down.

I haven't been able to do much for her these last few month, but I'm gunna make it up to her. Give back a little of the support she gave me. Starting this week. Tomorrow is a big day for her, she's not sure she's gunna come to school. She said she's gunna call Luca tonight. I think that's actually a good idea.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved- The best proof of love is trust._

I'm committed to being all that she needs this week, especially tomorrow. She's been putting on a brave face but I know where her thoughts are—in a little cemetery on the outskirts of Rome.

And in all of this, Alistair Cummins has been a creeper all week.

So I laugh when she gets the jitters at his staring, then I glare at him and stand, and make my way over to where he's prematurely lined up to get on the bus. He looks punctual, but really he's just using it as an excuse to stand still and stare at My Ness for as long as possible. It's freaking her out and she wants me to do something about it, so I'm gunna.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step_.

"Listen here _Cum_-mins, stop staring at Ness, you're freaking her out. Yes, you saw her tits. I know there magnificent tits, but she's not interested. They are _my_ tits and you're never getting anywhere near them again. So stop staring at her like you're about to cum in your pants or I'm gunna have to hit you so hard your eyes will be swollen shut so you can't look. _Capisce_?"

He just looks at me, nodding while his face erupts into a red flush. I probably shouldn't have called him out quite do publicly, but… well… he's been pretty public with he's staring.

I don't wait for him to reply. He gets it. That's all I'm gunna need to say about it. So I turn away, jogging back to the track and starting a lap before Mr. Price can get up me for slacking off.

Ness waits for me to do a lap before she joins me, coming into step as we run around and around in circles.

"Do you know how much I love you?" she says, her words a little broken from her panting.

I turn my head, watching her as we jog. Her loose twist of hair is piled haphazardly on top of her head, bobbing with each step and the two pedants around her neck thumping against her chest. Her perfect, prefect titties bouncing with each stride. Her eyes are looking at me, the sun shining on her face in the early afternoon. That wise and broken girl looking back at me. The girl who has lost a child. The one who, for some reason, blames herself for the fog. She's my savior. She's always looking after me. Tomorrow, when the calendar ticks over to the anniversary of the worst day of her life, I'm looking after her.

"Only as much as I love you," I say, smiling and giving her a little shoulder nudge.

* * *

.


	48. Chapter 48- One hour and six minutes

**Chapter 48 - One hour and six minutes.**

It's a another rainy day in sunny Forks, that grey kind of sky that makes it seem as though it's early morning all day long. It's still relatively early morning though. Dad had a hypo during breakfast. These insulin levels are driving me crazy. No one can get seem to get the fuckers right. He's up and down like yoyo. His gut is dotted with bruises and his fingers aren't much better from the blood sugar tests three times a day. At least today I was still at home when his insulin was dialled up too high. He just got all blank, his hand hovering with a spoonful of granola halfway between the bowl and his mouth.

We keep a jar of jellybeans and a bottle of juice in the pantry for just these times.

A handful of sweets and a glass of grape juice later—grape's his favorite— he was back and powering on all three and half cylinders. Aunty Sue is picking him up to take him to the Civic center this morning so I was happy to leave him once he was better.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

We're skipping school today. I told dad, he knows about it. Ness said last night that I could tell him why. He now knows about Angelus.

I don't know how she'll be when I get to her place but I'm stocking up on comfort food anyway. So with two bags filled with every kind of ice-cream, chocolate cookies and chips I could find, I let myself in to her house. I quietly say hi to Dr. Cullen who is reading the paper in the kitchen, Esme is in New York this week, visiting The Ed and Bella. The wedding is just over a month away and Esme is in top gear with the planning. Me… I still haven't bought my plane ticket and I have to get a new suit. I've grown out of the one I have. Maybe we'll look for one in Seattle tomorrow, Ness likes dressing me up.

I walk down the hall to Nessie's room.

She's not in bed when I walk in, I can hear the shower turning off as I take off my shoes and settle on the covers. She emerges a few minutes later, wrapped up in a big fluffy white bath robe her hair twisted up in a towel, her eyes a little red rimmed but for now, dry.

"Hey," I say, testing the mood.

"Hey baby," she says plonking down next to me, her bare legs crossed underneath her, one silky thigh peeking out between the slit in the robe. "I'm so glad I'm not going to school today," she sighs, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I come bearing gifts," I say, reaching for the bags I've dumped on the floor. "Double choc, peanut butter, caramel, these ones have jelly in them," I'm holding out my assortment of junk food. I know she misses the jelly sandwich cookies from Switzerland.

"You're amazing," she says taking the jelly biscuits from my hand and opening up the packet. "Mmm, _Spitzbuben_."

"What time did you wake up?" I take a cookie, they're good. I've not had this flavor before.

"I think it was about five. I don't know. I went outside and read for a little on the porch swing."

"Have you Skyped Luca?" I can put my hang-ups asides. Today is about Ness and whatever she needs to get over the fact she is a million miles away from that tomb.

"Ah no, I don't think I really want to talk to him today," she shrugs. "I just want to have a day cuddled up with you. That's all I need."

"Well then, that, I think I can deliver," I say pulling the comforter back and letting us both slide in, my arm holding her to me. I'm happy to be all she needs. Because she's all _I_ need too.

We spend the morning watching a few chic-flicks of Nessie's choosing. Some better than others. And eating ice cream and a good portion of the junk I brought over. Carlisle comes in around two o'clock to say goodbye before he leaves for an afternoon shift.

That little interruption is the motivation we need to get our sorry asses off the bed, even if it is just to venture to the kitchen to make some grilled cheese.

"What do you want to do now?" I ask, sitting down at the counter with my sandwich, a banana and a glass of some much needed water to share between us.

She's quiet for a bit, collecting the long strings of melted goodness that's stretched out in front of her before she checks her watch. She's been checking it all day. Angelus was born at 3:29 in the afternoon, and he lived for just over an hour. I think she's keeping track of that.

"I want to light a candle for him," she says in not much more than a whisper.

"A candle?" I ask. She's got heap of scented candles in her room. That should take a total of three minutes. Then what are we gunna do?

"I mean like, at a church," she says, looking at me like I'm an idiot. Oh shit, yeah, a church, I guess I deserved that look. "I think the Catholic one is behind the hospital."

"You want to go there now?" I ask. She's not religious, I know she's not, she's told me as much. But I guess, if it's gunna help her today… then a church it is.

She nods, "soon," she says, looking down at her watch again, before taking another bite and methodically chewing.

I look down at myself, I'm in a sloppy pair of black sweats and a t-shirt. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to wear a tie to church. "Do you think I should change? Would Emmett still have some clothes in his room?" I look down at the old-school raglan I have on, and hold it out away from my chest to read the upside big green letters, 'Seattle Seahawks' sprawled across the light grey and then at the bright blue sleeves I have scrunched up to my elbows. "This shirt is really bright, shouldn't it be black? And I only brought sneakers, can I wear sneakers inside a church?"

She takes another bite of her sandwich, looking at me tiresomely as she finishes chewing and takes a sip of water before saying, "It's fine Jake. You'll be fine. You can wear what you're wearing. I just want to light a candle, we're not going to the actual funeral."

I take the hint and stop with all the questions, reaching across the counter and getting my second sandwich from the press and eat it silently.

* * *

The church was easy enough to find. We park on the street, and I follow Ness as she walks to a side entrance door. She has on a pretty forest green top with jeans and ballet flats, all covered by a long cardigan jacket thingy. She said I'd be fine in my daggy sweats and ice-cream stained t-shirt. Yeah sure, it's fine to let Jake be the hobo, so long a Ness looks respectable. She changed _her_ clothes, _and_ she's basically in black too… I guess I'm being a bit unfair, she _was_ in her pajamas; I guess she _had_ to change.

We get to the side entrance, stepping up a few steps to the large white painted double doors to find them locked. She lets out a little sigh, checking her watch and throwing her bag over her other shoulder and walking to the front, main entry. I follow, watching her little ass as it sways with each step. She has her hair tied up in a top notch today. Practical and typical, and as I remember the words she told me that day she held out her uber long hair for me to cut, a self-protective choice. No hair curling over her shoulders to remind her of how it did exactly that— curl around her shoulders and her new born son, a year ago today, as he took his last breath in her arms. She's got her hair up in a bun.

The front doors are open, already ajar for parishioners to come and go. We step in to the relative darkness of the church. I'm expecting my senses to be hit with the smell of incense and the sounds of organs playing or something like that. But it's nothing like that. It's just a really big room with lots of seats and a really nice table with a really nice tablecloth up the front. A few pamphlets on a table by the entrance. And not a nun in sight. I've been watching too much Sister Act—one _and_ two— and The Da Vinci Code.

She dips her fingers in the water bowl as we walk in and crosses herself. I copy her and follow. The water drips down my forehead and in to my eye before I can wipe it away. We walk around the side of the church, stepping sideways through the pews, and in to a little side room near the front.

There is a little statue of a lady in long robes holding a baby, it's hung up high against the wall, a long pan of sand at the statues feet with a few long thin burning candles standing in it.

Ness moves to the statue, genuflecting at the little cushioned stand and just looks up at the lady with her baby. I suppose it's baby Jesus in her arms. I suppose she sees herself in the statuette.

I just sit down behind her, a few seats along and back a row. I'll let her have this moment to herself. She checks her watch again, and then fishes through her hand bag, getting a coin out of her purse and dropping it into a little box to the side of the sandy candle box. It makes a metallic echoing sound as the coin drops in. She takes a long tapered candle from the pile near the box and holds it to one of the already lit wicks.

And then she kneels upright at the pew, her body straight, her little feet pointed out behind her as she leans her forearms on the rest in front. Her hands are linked together as she just stares into the flame.

And this is how she stays—

As still as the statue above her, motionless, hypnotized by the flames. Lost in whatever memory she's picturing inside the tongues as they lick the air and consume it.

About a half-hour later, a group of elementary school kids enter behind us, I turn to watch them as they walk into the rear of the church. I just sit and look at them as they file in. I think it's an after school program or something like that. They're laughing and shoving as they wait around the back seats. An adult with a clip board and wearing a polo shirt comes in behind them and ushers them over to a hallway on the other side of the room. Their chatter and giggling fades abruptly as a second door is shut. And I can hear Nessie start to cry.

I turn back to watch her, her shoulders are slumped and shaking in time with her sobs.

I'm not sure if I should go over to her. I want desperately to hold her, take a little bit of her pain for her. But I know I've been irritating her for some reason this afternoon. Maybe it's best if I just stay here in my seat. Her legs give way and she crumples back onto her heels, stooped on the kneeler her little broken body shuddering from the splintering of her broken heart.

I can't stay away from that.

I stand and walk over to her, sinking down next to her and pull her stooped body on to my lap. Her legs curl up as she lets me hold her, like a little baby in my arms. Her arms are curled up in front of her and she grabs a hold of my shirt, burring her face in it as her tears renew.

"Oh Ness," I say quietly. Rocking her back and forward, my hand soothing over her head and down her back in long comforting strokes. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

We stay like this, on the carpeted floor of St. Mary's church for another twenty minutes, at least. Before she turns and pulls a tissue out of her pocket. She shuffles out of my arms and sits on the floor beside me, cross legged and with an elbow on her knee and a fist holding up her chin. And she stares at the candle some more. She cheeks her watch, and then she stares.

"I never thought I'd be here this time last year," she says, speaking for the first time since we got here almost an hour ago. "I just always thought I'd be able to visit him whenever I wanted to. I don't want to live in Rome. But I wish I could just teleport over there, just to lay flowers, whenever I want."

I don't know what to say to that. I don't go to mom's grave that much. I know Aunty Sue takes dad a lot, and Rach goes whenever she's in town. But I don't go. Maybe Ness would like to see it one day. Not today, but one day. I should bring my mom flowers more often.

_Today is a good day—I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

There is a clearing of the throat behind us, a middle aged man standing a few rows of seats back. He's in dress pants and white shirt, clean cut, he's not a local. I don't know him. "Sorry kids, we close the doors at four thirty. You're going to have to leave soon."

I check my watch, he's right; it's four thirty already.

"Okay Father," Ness says, as we stand up. "But please. Can I please just stay five more minutes, just _five_?" she asks, looking at her watch as she speaks, before looking up the priest. I have no idea how she knows he's a priest, aren't they meant to wear those collar thingies?

Her eyes are still very bloodshot, glassy and she' looks so tired. The man looks between us, and I step closer to her, silently telling him with my body language that she's needs this request. I don't know why, but she needs these five minutes.

"Okay," he says kindly, "but it really can only be five minutes, I have an appointment I have to get to at the hospital."

"We will," I say.

And he leaves us alone in our alcove.

Ness moves back to kneel on the stand, her elbows resting on the frame as she stares at the candle again, once again, lost in the flame.

I don't sit down this time. I just stand by her side, my hand gently resting on her shoulder pulling her against my leg. She's quietly crying now, her tears silently escaping her eyes as they plop down her cheeks.

It's been five minutes. "Ness, we'd better go sweetheart," I say, running my hand down her arm.

She nods, checking her watch and standing up. But she doesn't leave. She leans forward taking her candle out of the sand, holding it up to her face. The little flame flickers from the movement, it lights the shadows on her face, she looks so young and yet so old at the same time. No matter what, she's still beautiful. Then abruptly, she holds the candle up to her lips and bows it out. Putting the snuffed-out candle back in the sand and leaving it behind.

"I don't know why I did that," she says quietly as we walk towards to exit, "4:35 was nine hours ago in Italy."

"Oh Ness," I say pulling her under my arm as we walk.

"Do you think Leah and Sam would mind it we stayed at their place tonight as well? I want to just get away. Escape it all."

I kiss the top of her head, as she wraps her arms around my middle. She's smells woodsy and raw, nutty and exotic, she smells like Ness. We walk in step like this, out the doors, into the crisp afternoon air. "Sure baby, I'll call them."

* * *

**A/N: another short one folks. I'll update a happier one on the weekend. Don't fret, I'm not going to draw the sadness out.**

**Thanks Aretee for your mad editing skills.**

**Let me know your thoughts.**

**M**


	49. Chapter 49- Seattle:The City of Goodwill

**Last time on P &amp; C's****…**

**She leans forward taking her candle out of the sand, holding it up to her face. The little flame flickers from the movement, it lights the shadows on her face, she looks so young and yet so old at the same time. No matter what, she's still beautiful. Then abruptly, she holds the candle up to her lips and bows it out. Putting the snuffed-out candle back in the sand and leaving it behind.**

"**I don't know why I did that," she says quietly as we walk towards to exit, "4:35 was nine hours ago in Italy."**

"**Oh Ness," I say pulling her under my arm as we walk.**

"**Do you think Leah and Sam would mind it we stayed at their place tonight as well? I want to just get away. Escape it all."**

**I kiss the top of her head, as she wraps her arms around my middle. She's smells woodsy and raw, nutty and exotic, she smells like Ness. We walk in step like this, out the doors, into the crisp afternoon air. "Sure baby, I'll call them."**

* * *

Chapter 49 – Seattle; the city of Goodwill.

We don't spend much time at her place, she'd already packed her bags for what was meant to be _tomorrow's_ road trip. Instead we're doing it tonight. We called her uncle to let him know. He's not over the moon about us driving in the night, but Ness is getting what she wants today. She's a mother who's lost a baby—at sixteen. She can drive in the night.

So we get to her room, I help her clean up the junk food wrappers we'd left strewn around, and I make her bed for her as she adds a few toiletries and stuff to that already packed bag. Then we head, in two cars, to my house.

She wants to drive to Seattle in her car…with the top down.

Me? I'm not so organized. It's gotten worse since the fog. Doctor Carmen says it's a common symptom of bipolar. Maybe it is, it's still a pain in my ass when I actually want to do something in a timely manner though. Like pack an overnight bag for a potentially dirty weekend, or when I'll want to finish a university honors level assignment next year.

I still haven't discussed MIT with Ness, or anyone but Dr. C. for that matter. Rachel mentioned she's been tossing up the idea of moving closer to home, maybe Port Angeles when she gets her degree in May. It looks like she's going to come stay with dad until she can find a job. Knowing that my sister will be with dad has helped me feel more and more confident that I can take that step to an out of state school.

So confident that I've filled out the paper work.

It's stashed on the top shelf of my wardrobe, up high where a short-ass and a cripple will never be able to reach. So with disclosure aside, if I'm really serious about getting good enough grades to sustain an academic scholarship, I've got to get my time management skills up to scratch.

And figure out a way to tell Ness.

* * *

The first leg of the drive is a little subdued. It's around seven when we get into Port Angelus, and we've stopped for a burger and to stretch our legs. There's a Dairy Queen right near the pier, we've eat and take our Blizzards for a stroll along the board work they've got here. It's a really pretty spot; the boats on the water, the big ferry coming and going across to BC.

"It's only a short trip to Victoria," I say, throwing my empty ice-cream cup in the trash as we walk past. "You think you might like to go over to BC for the day? Another time that is."

Her ice cream is still only half finished. I eat a lot faster than Ness. She scoops another mouthful before answering. "Yeah, that would be nice." She's still quiet, stuck inside her renewed grief. I know how that feels, to be stuck inside yourself.

I just keep talking like she's listening. "You know, they've got a castle and a museum, I saw that sign back there, there's a Viking display this spring."

"Yeah, and the Victoria ballet company is doing Don Quixote. I think you'd like that one, it's not too girly."

Well! Maybe she is listening. But she's still sounds so distant. I can't imagine how it felt for her when I was a zombie for weeks.

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to see a ballet once in my life," I say noncommittally. It's Ness I like to watch dance. She's freakn' amazing. But it's _her _I'm watching, not some random ballerina, or worse, some guy in tights so tight that I can see his ass and the bulge in front.

"If I have anything to say about it, you'll be seeing _all_ the classics. You'll just have to get used to the men in tights, Jake."

Oh my freakn god. It's freaky how she can read my mind some times.

"Yeah but you can see their junk and stuff." I'm whining like a loser, grossed out by the mental image I keep creating of a male dancer's dick in Spandex. For some reason he always has Quil's face. Augh, gross.

"You know they wear a dance belt right? It's basically a jock-strap. It's not that different than your football get up."

I just look sideways at her and steal a spoon of her ice cream. It's starting to melt. I'm helping her. What? I am.

"They're _nothing_ like football pants, and jockstraps don't ride up your ass."

"Semantics," she smiles, winking and handing me the rest of her Blizzard. _Yes_.

"Right," she says hopping up from the bench we've sat at. "No more sad sacks from me. I'm seizing the day. We're riding into the night. Today, my lover, is a good day."

Here she is. My normal Ness is back.

"I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step?" I say. She knows my mantras almost as well and I do.

"One step at a time, so long as it's together," she smiles, taking my hand as we walk back to her car. "Thank you for doing this," she says as we weave through the crowd of people getting off the ferry that's just come in from Victoria. "Leah didn't mind us coming a day early?"

"Nah, she said Sam's at work tonight and the apartment is a shit fight, but she said 'it's fine', and 'the more the merrier.'"

"This is gunna be us every other week Jake, driving back home for the weekend, stopping off for ice-cream. I think we should make it a tradition that we stop for Dairy Queen every trip."

I just smile and nod.

How the hell am I gunna tell her about Massachusetts?

* * *

…

* * *

It was a nightmare finding a parking spot anywhere near Sam and Leah's place. We got the ferry across the Sound and drove though the wet city streets, no problem. Ness used the navigator on her phone, and we found their street by nine. It's was nine thirty before we were pressing the apartment buzzer though, having trapesed a mile and half with our bags. Fucking parking.

Lee-lee greats us at the door, pulling me in for a gigantic hug. I haven't seen her since we were here for dad's heart attack, weeks before the cliff incident. I suppose her mom or Seth have told her. Then she punches me in the arm—hard. God that girl is strong. Aunty Sue said she's got a job at a gym. It shows. "Don't you ever do something like that ever again. None of us need any more heartbreak in our lives. You hear me Jake?"

"Sure Leah," I say. Because I had a choice in the fucked-up-ed-ness of my brain chemistry.

"Nessie!" Leah's a bunch of hugs tonight, taking a hold of Nessie's shoulders and squeezing. "Jake said you've had a shitty day?" she questions. I didn't tell Leah about the anniversary. That's Ness's story to tell. If she wants to.

"Long story Lee," answers Ness, looking down at the floor. Well, that answers that.

Leah nods, understanding that it's private, and ushers us inside.

"Sammy should be home any minute now, you guys hungry? I was thinking Indian?"

"Oh, we ate in Port Angelus," Ness answers, putting down her bag in the corner.

"I'll do a second round if you're ordering." I'm always hungry an hour after Dairy Queen.

"Nothing's changed, has it Jake," she laughs picking up the phone. Leah can't cook to save herself, but she's a master at pressing the speed dial.

…

I'm half way through my tikka masala and an episode of Teen Wolf –kill me now—when Sam walks through the door—thank god. He's got on his black shirt and black pants, and a green Starbucks colored tie. He smells like coffee.

I remember Sam working at that same café on South Forks Avenue that Rach worked at, they both used to bus tables after school, he used to give Rach a lift home after their shifts. Leah said he's a barista now, working evenings at the Starbucks around the corner.

He greets us all warmly, giving Leah a quick kiss on the lips and sits down to eat with us on the sofa that will be our bed tonight.

Leah changes the ridiculous show, to the News station. Sigh. UCLA are playing USC tonight, I wanted to see that game. I'll have to settle for the sports part of the news instead.

Sam's always been such a mature guy, _man of the house_ and all that. So serious; too serious sometimes. He gets his fill of current events and I get the running score on the game. Then, when the TV goes off, the music gets turned on, and the Pictionary board laid out on the coffee table, _then_ he's a bunch of laughs. In fact is actually a pretty awesome night, all four of us laughing and playing along as Lee-lee keeps pulling out every board game they have. I haven't felt this far from the fog since it first cleared. It's a good feeling.

It turns out that all four of us are pretty competitive, too. The girls team up for a game. And kick me and Sam's asses. Then Ness and I makeup a team. And we kick ass— majorly. I just know her. And she just knows me. I have no idea how I got 'sheep' from nothing more than basically a lower case 'm', but I did. We have a connection, Ness and me, I just know what she's thinking when her skin touches mine.

She seems to be back to her normal happy self now too. The day of self-indulgence, and candles and tears seemingly behind her. I wish it had been that easy for me. A long drive with the top down and a Butterfinger Blizzard from Dairy Queen all that was needed. I guess that's the difference from the blues and full blown depression. You can't just _snap out of it._

So we play some more, Leah and Sam getting happier with their Canadian clubs and it's close to one in the morning by the time we pack up Candyland.

Their apartment is one bedroom, but the couch is a fold out. So, with a flourish of good nights, and an armful of fresh sheets, Ness and me find ourselves alone in Leah Clearwater and Sam Uley's living room. We make up the bed together, brushing our teeth and changing into our respectable night wear— Ness puts on a white t-shirt with '_always give 100% — unless you're donating blood'_ crawled on it and navy blue lounge pants, I just leave my boxers on. And we slide into the makeshift bed.

Fuck it's uncomfortable. Now I know why Sue and Charlie didn't stay too long when dad was in hospital… The fucking bed.

The outside noise seems loud in the apartment. You can still hear passing traffic and the occasional horn, I guess I'm just used to the relative quiet of a small town. And then it starts. The very distinct sound of pleasured moans and the rhythmic noise of a rocking bed. Coming from just up the hall.

Ness lets out a snorting giggle under her breath and shuffles closer to me. Her lips are just by my ear in the dark as she whispers, "is it just me or does that kind of turn you on?" Her fingers start at the top of my chest, circling the notch at the base of my throat and then scape, slowly, down my front, nails drawing over my chest, down over the ridges of my abs, crinkling through my happy trail and dragging back the waist band of my shorts.

Fuck yes, the audio of people fucking gets me hard. I just have to block out who said people are_. Not my sister's best friend, not my sister's best friend, not my sister's best friend._

I would never have though _Ness_ would like it though. I underestimate this vixen far too often.

"Oh, it gets you going, does it?" I say quietly, siting up and turning her over and pressing her into the lumpy mattress. I straddle her, my legs pinning hers down as I lean forward, dragging my nose down the side of her face nipping at her ear. "You want me to make to moan like that?"

I can see her smile in the darkness. Her teeth biting her grinning lips as she nods. "Wanna see if we can beat them at their own game?"

God I love this woman.

She lifts up, taking the hilarious t- shirt off. And I yank at her pants as she yanks at mine. I shift, pressing her legs further apart with my knees, then grab her wrists and pin them to the back of the couch. This woman is mine tonight.

I start at her fingers and slowly make my way down her body, kissing and loving every inch of her skin. Every inch except for the two pointed peaks of her boobs, and the round little nub of her pussy. She's wiggling under me, trying to get my mouth to meet her clit, but I keep dodging it, just kissing the tendon that's straining and tight in her inner thigh. I've still got her wrists pinned up above her and I can tell it's killing her not being able to touch me or touch herself. Up and down her body I go, lips are allowed, and she basically swallows my mouth whole when we kiss, but nipples and clit, a no go zone.

She's moaning now, in pleasure and frustration. Finally, I land on her special kind of community _chest_. I take one nipple into my mouth, lapping at the sensitive flesh. She lets out a slightly less frustrated moan and I shift over to the other side. Both of her wrists are now trapped in one of hands and my other is now free to plump a breast, shaping and massaging as I suck on the tip. I get more moans from her then, and I can feel the pre-cum form my own tip rubbing on her leg.

The sounds from the other room are louder and faster, and both of them are now making noise. I skim down to her belly, kissing my way along her curves until I get to the hot center she wants me to find. Then with one deep hard suck, I cover her pussy with my mouth entirely, and make her moan louder than the two of _them_ combined. She plays her 'get out of jail free' card then, her hands coming down, fingers pulling through my hair and holding my face fast to the dampness between her legs.

We fly through this game, Nessie moaning and groaning, screaming out as she wins first prize in a beauty contest and collects $100. Before she's done, I'm up, my lips pressing into hers, steering my battleship into her thimble. I'm collecting my rent, knocking on her door and taking my payment. She's happily obliging too. Up and down we move. Her legs wrapped around my hips and over and over I press deep and hard into her warm dark confines. I've forgotten about our little game of sound until she starts up again. There's no noise from the other room and we have the lead, she makes little grunts, breathy and short, cut with each thrust. She's so good with the sex sounds. I've got to get a recording of this one day.

In the darkness I can see her squeezing her nipples and she lifts her hips, raising up off the sheets, and her legs move so that they are straight back, with knees together and her toes touching the back of the sofa. I move with her, up like a plank, my hips lowering down in hard sharp thrusts. Then she does something, I don't know what the fuck it is, but everything is doubled in strength, tighter than tight, and I blow my load deep, deep, deep. At the same I time pass thorough Go, she collects my $200 and buys a utility while she's at it.

It's quiet in the apartment, just our panted breaths, the passing traffic and the occasional horn and the sound of a giggle in the room up the hall.

* * *

We wake the next morning to the harsh burst of a coffee grinder and a cushion from the single armchair being thrown at my head.

"Wake up Romeo, I've got a class to teach."

"Hugh?" I say, lifting my head off the pillow. I can feel that there's a great big crease down my cheek.

Ness just lets out a pained moan, rolling and holding her back. "Oh my god. I'm grateful to you guys letting us stay here, I really am. But this freakn' couch—augh—my back," she moans.

Leah just laughs, "don't go blaming my couch, I think your raucous calisthenics last night is the contributing factor to any sore muscles you have." Her brow arched in as a smirk graces her lips.

Ness sits up, her little feet handing over the edge, she doesn't even touch the floor. "Like you can talk," she grimaces, stretching her sides. "And anyway, we weren't gunna let you two win that game either."

Leah just smiles, taking her coffee from Sam and sitting on the armchair. "If you really are sore, I'm taking a balance class in about half an hour, you should do it with me."

"We can all go," Sam adds, sipping his joe. He notices me watching him, gesturing if I want one too. Both Ness and I nod. Yes, I need a coffee. What time is it anyway? I check my watch and internally cringe at the pre-six time. "We can do a weights session, Jake, while the girls get all limber," he winks.

* * *

An hour and a half later, my guns feel pumped and so does my dick after watching Ness contort to all sorts of stimulating postures. Sam and Leah introduce us to some of the other trainers and it doesn't take long for the conversation to turn to Nessie's ballet prowess. They all agree that she'd be well suited to taking the barre classes they hold here three times a week. Ness just smiles. I think it's a great idea. It would make me happy knowing she's got a job before she starts here in the fall. Sam and Leah were even talking about putting in a good word to the landlord so we could take over their lease when they move out. It would make me happy to see Ness in a decent apartment, in a decent part of town… especially if I'm not gunna be here.

* * *

We have the school tour at eleven, so after we've cleaned up from the gym we catch a bus to the university campus. I am _not_ gunna give up the car park I fought so hard to get last night.

We get into the campus and make our way to the Union Building. There are a group of other kids milling outside the room we're meant to meet in. Most of them have a parent or two in tow. Not me and Ness. No… my dad's a dying cripple and her parents are on the other side of the world. We're here with each other. I just won't be here next term though.

It's a good few hours. Ness is oohing and ahhing. She likes the greenery on the quad. When it's over we stop and have lunch, just getting some sandwiches and sitting out on the grass. I'm working up the guts to tell Ness about MIT. I'm pretty sure she'll be happy that I'm stretching myself, attempting to achieve my full capacity, or something like that. But I don't want to tell her that I'm choosing to move away for her. It's not like that, that part is almost gunna kill me, but I know it's only three or four years, and she's right, and so is dad, I'm crazy not to take the free ride. And well, there's no two ways about it, MIT's engineering program is second to none. These are the kind of things I'm telling myself. And I'm just about to tell Ness I'm not gunna go here when she starts talking.

"I can't believe this is going to be us in just a few months Jake. We can study out here. We can wait for each other, right here, if our schedules are different." We're lying side my side on the grass, she's resting her head on my arm and my hand is holding her shoulder, my fingers playing with a curl. I love her hair.

"How easy was that bus too? I think we should seriously consider trying for Sam and Leah's apartment." It's not compulsory to live on campus for freshman here, in fact, almost half don't. "Can you just imagine," she turns then, on to her stomach, looking over me and landing a promise filled kiss on my lips, "we're gunna have every night and every morning, just us, in our bed, in our home." She's so happy, her eyes are glistening as she smiles down at me.

"Yeah," I say, forcing the smile and lifting up for another peck to cover it. She knows me too well, she knows all my kinds of smiles, even the faked ones. I don't have the guts all of a sudden. I don't know if I can do this without her. "It's gunna be so good Ness. I love you."

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like. _

"I love you too baby."

I'll tell her later.

* * *

We end up getting on a bus that takes us to an outlet mall in the afternoon. I really haven't been shopping with Ness before. At least not to a mall bigger than the crappy one in PA that has a shoe shop, two women's shops and tobacconist. She's got a good eye for what looks good on me and on her. The hard part is finding something that fits either of us.

Dad gave me some money to buy a suit for Bella's wedding, and I manage to get a nice black one. I still haven't bought the plane ticket. Ness gets some shoes and a little black dress that's cut out down the front, just some mesh holding the girls in, and let me tell you, it looks so freakin' hot on her. Sam and Leah are taking us to an underage dance club later on, and she says she's gunna wear it tonight. I don't know how long I'm gunna be able to stand seeing her in that thing without taking her up against the bathroom door. Cause I want to take her against the dressing room door already.

* * *

It turns out that I can only last two hours. It's not even eleven and I'm desperate to get Renesmee into a secluded corner. We've been dancing for most of the time we got here. She smells fantastic; a little musky wrapped up in leather and wood and some incredible orangey scent. My nose has been pressed behind her ear most of the night. She's wearing the platform pumps she bought today too. I really have no clue how she walks in them, let alone is dancing, but they lift her tiny frame up a good six inches. It's weird having her so close to my lips. I like it though. Her legs look very fuckable in that combination.

The beat is pulsing through us, we're completely sober and completely clean and it's amazing. She's grinding her little ass against me, and it's actually up high enough in those stilettos to get some good friction up. The Big Chief is so ready for some action. My hands are on her hips, moving with her, my lips softly kissing along her neck as we dance together. I've been a little possessive tonight. There have been way too many guys checking her and her cleavage out. We went for a bathroom stop a little while ago and she was getting hit on before she could even get out of the hallway to where I was waiting in an alcove. That's how popular she is with the fellas.

That kind of thing could be a trigger for me; set off my trust issues and cause me to doubt. But I'm aware of it, and I'm consciously trusting her, I won't let the disease pull me under.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved- The best proof of love is trust_.

And it's really easy to trust her faithfulness when I saw see the brush-off she gave the guy who was trying it on. She just shook her head at him, waking straight to me and pulling me down for a deep throated kiss… Just like the one we're having now. Her back is to me, and she's twisted around. Her arms up, holding my face as I suck on her tongue.

"Oh god Ness," I whisper into her ear as we catch our breaths. "Let's find somewhere quiet. I got a have you; you sexy woman. You're driving me crazy in this dress." My hands run down the length of her contours, following the shiny material as it dips and curves over her my thumbs quickly circling her nipples while we're on the crowded dance floor.

"We can't baby, I just got my period," she says back, an apologetic frown on her face. She's biting her lip in contrite regret.

I let out a pained groan, cursing the fertility goddesses up above. I feel like I'm gunna explode. And now I'm expelled for most of the week.

_I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

That isn't the purpose behind that mantra, but I've got to tell myself _something_ before my balls fall off.

"Jaaaake," she singsongs. She's moved in front of me, her arms loosely draped over my shoulders as she swings her hips. I look up at her smiling eyes. I'm not smiling, my bottom lip is out and she kisses it and bites down, dragging it outwards.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I ask. That shit is sexy.

"No silly, I'm trying to warm you up."

"Ness… I don't need warming up, trust me. And what's the point if the games been called off on account of the red rain?

She just rolls her eyes at me, "I'm menstruating Jake, I'm not sick. There's nothing wrong with my mouth."

Oh shit.

How. The. Fuck. Could. I. Forget. About. Her. Mouth.

"Well let's the fuck get out of here," I say, pulling her towards the exit. She's giggling, grabbing my phone out of my back pocket and sending Leah a '_See you back home'_ text.

* * *

Ness grabs her bag and our jackets from the cloakroom and we both get return entry stamps on our wrists. But I don't plan on coming back here tonight. I want to spend some one on one time with Nessie… as soon as she's done on her knees.

* * *

We head outside the club, both wrapping up in our coats as the southerly wind pushes the light rain towards us.

"Over here," she says, tucking under my arm and leaning us towards a covered alleyway across the street.

She's serious about this. I'm a little nervous, but turned on as hell. Ness is pretty much game for anything. We're giggling and jostling like a couple of kids as we scurry up the dark lane. It's a little stinky as we go past an industrial bin, but it fades the further in we go. I bend down a little, inhaling Nessie's spicy smelling hair and I remember again why we're walking down this alley. Head.

There an empty doorway and she pushes me, with two hands, against it. My back hits the wood with a soft thud. She's smiling as she looks up at me, then she turns her head, checking that we're hidden away enough down here. Then she uses the sharp heal of her shoe to drag over a scrap of cardboard that's lying on the ground to have as a kneeler.

A far cry from the kneeler she used just yesterday.

"You sure about this Ness?"

"Very," she says back, her voice low and husky, a greedy look in her eyes as she reaches up to kiss me. Her hands are at my belt and mine are around her head, pulling her in closer, devouring her lips. This little woman is so freakin' sexy, she's so hot and so devoting and so willing… and all mine.

Her hands have found the end of my fly, lowering it down, and me out. The contrast between the cool air and her warm hands is exciting as she wraps her fingers around.

I let out a long relieving moan into her mouth, it's only been twenty-four hours but I've been building up for the last eight, and I kiss her harder as she firms up her movements. Then she slowly slides down my chest, hands still pumping around my cock.

The visual this gives me is second to none. This little woman kneeling before me, completely submitting, giving me the power to dominate. She feathers small kisses over the head, and along the shaft. Like she's prepping and preening. I love getting to see her work her magic. It's like I'm starring in our own little porno. She's a god damn magician. Her lips wind around me then, and I close my eyes, enveloped by the warm wetness of an insistent mouth; tongue, saliva and hand all bring my blood to the boil.

I'm trying to be silent, but the sound of my groaning echoes along the alley anyway. I rest my back against the door, just watching as her lips wrap around me. It's wet and messy and so fucking goooood.

She looks up at me then, dark hazelnut eyes smiling through her lashes. She pulls back a little, her pink tongue circling around and around all the while her eyes still meeting mine.

"I love you," I say, tipping my hips and pushing deeper.

She just moans in response. Her hand playing with my balls as she takes all of me into the back of her throat, swallowing around me. Oh my god.

Ness is really so very good at this. It's a turn on to know that she likes doing it too. She likes the vulnerability and trust she feels; at least that's what she's said in the past, her mouth is too full of my nut sack to talk at this minute. She trusts me not to push her too far, and that trust, in return, is an aphrodisiac like no other, and such an affirmation of how much I love her and she me.

I can feel it building, my back tightening and lifting away from the doorway. I have one hand pressed against the wall, the other holding her hair back in a ponytail. I want to just fuck her mouth, and my hips just start moving. She lets me, the saliva wet and hot along the length of my dick as it moves in and out of her mouth.

"Oh, Ness," I mumble, my hips jerking. She sucks then, along the entire length and then back down, taking me, again, right into the back of her throat. And that's it— an eruption to rival Vesuvius. Nessie takes all of it, swallowing and compressing the sensitive ridge along the Big Chief's head.

She moves up and down a few more times, the sensation too much after such an epic climax, and I make some kind of laughing pained sound, pulling away and lift her up to her feet. "I love you," I breathe, pulling her little body against me.

She's smiling, "I could tell," she quips, a cheeky grin on her lips as she wipes it with the side of her thumb, licking it clean.

"You're too good at that Little Miss," I say, palming over her boobs.

"I'm quite a motivated student Jacob," she smirks, tucking my still hard dick into my boxers, "I love watching your face like that." She grins looking up, her hands tracing over my chest and shoulders, mine circling her fine ass, "I'm on my knees, and submitting to you, but really, I have the power. I control just how blissful your expressions gets."

"Yeah. You could say I was in bliss all right." Then I lean in, kissing her; my tongue sweeping along her teeth. What's a little cum between lovers?

* * *

We're walking, lost but just happy wondering along the boardwalk. I can see the big Ferris wheel up ahead so I know well find a taxi in that direction. We're just walking slowly, arm in arm, sharing an umbrella in the light drizzle.

There's a food truck parked next to the peer and we stop. I get myself a cheese steak sandwich and Ness just gets some onion rings. And they are amazing.

We eat as we walk, arriving at the big wheel. There's no line, and Ness pulls me over to it. We get our own gondola and she goes straight to sit on the far seat, looking over the sill of the window like a little kid, her tiny little legs swinging. She wasn't a little kid half an hour ago in that alleyway, let me tell you… That was _all_ woman.

The view is a little obscured from the clouds, but we can see the Seattle tower. The lights of the city's skyscrapers twinkling in the rainy night.

I'm just staring out the window, sitting next to Ness, my chest pressed to her back and my chin resting on her head as we both look out the window as we go round and around. I want to be able to do this every weekend.

I'm quiet for the majority of the ride. Trying to work up the courage to tell her about college.

"You all right?" she asks me sweetly, her voice soft and compassionately worried. She lifts her hand up, the back of her soft fingers lightly gliding over my jaw.

I close my eyes, inhaling all that is _her_ and committing the feel of her fingers on my skin to memory. I like this woodsy, leathery perfume she's got on tonight.

I'm silent, not answering her. Just staring out the window.

"Jake?" she asks again, this time turning in her seat, looking up at me with concerned eyes. She's worried I'm falling into the fog again. I'm not.

I'm just sad.

"I'm not gunna go to school here Ness," I say not meeting her eye, just looking out the window.

Her head lifts up further. "What?" She's shocked and there's a hint of concern in her voice. I don't blame her. The last time we talked about MIT I went and sat on the edge of a cliff.

"Yeah. Um… I'm gunna send off the forms this week. Rachel's gunna move back home in the summer and…" I take a deep and shuddering breath, "I'm… I'm gunna take the scholarship to Massachusetts… and we're not gunna be together next year."

She lets out a breathy gasping cry, it echoes around the gondola. Her hands lift up to her lips and finally I look at her, and find her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Oh Nessie, I'm sorry," I say, lifting a palm to her cheek.

"You're gunna take it?" she cries, her shoulders shaking as she sobs into her hands.

"Ness. Please don't cry. It'll be alright. We're not breaking up, it's just three years… maybe four. Then I'll come back. We can be together while you do your medicine. And then we'll have the rest of our lives."

I've pulled her to me, holding her little frame to me and just hold her. "I love you Ness, I do. I don't want to be away from you but I've got to do this. I've got to do this for me or I'll never know what could have been," I say, pleading for her to understand as my arms cover her entirely. I love how she just fits against me, melting into me, molding around me. We're going to have to hold our own form for a little while; with only the tingling impression that each of us imprints onto the other seared onto our skin.

"Oh Jacob," she laughs through the sobs, pushing back from me and uncovering her face from her hands. Her eyes sparking and wet, but happy, and smiling. She's smiling. "They're happy tears, baby. You're taking what you need, what you deserve. You have no idea after all that's happened these last few months how happy this makes me."

She kneels up on the seat, crawling closer to me, up high so that I have to look up to her. She leans over me, grasping my face in both hands, pulling me in for a strong, full kiss; dry and closed mouth and it makes a typical kissy smacking sound as she pulls back.

"You are such a talented man, Jacob. You don't even know how amazing you mind is. The way you can manipulate numbers and shapes in space. You are going to be amazing at whatever you do. At wherever you're path leads you. And there is no doubt in my mind that starting on that journey from MIT is the best option." Her eyes are earnest, flicking back and forth between mine. I'm trapped, physically by her little hands and emotionally by the magnificence of her starburst eyes, especially while there staring at me with such ferocious love.

I should have told her sooner.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks, letting go of my face and sitting back on her heels. We're eye level now.

"I thought you'd be sad that we won't be together."

She looks at me with a raised brow then, a half little smirk on her lips as she sniffs and wipes a stray tear away. "Who says we'll be apart?"

"I… what…" I don't understand.

"Washington's not the only college I've gotten acceptance letters into Jake."

Nothing.

I've got no words.

She smiles down at the ground then, looking back up at me, "I've got letters from Berkley, and USC and Yale and… Harvard. All of them have an exceptionally good Molecular and Cellular Biology Undergrad programs."

"Harvard? As in like, Cambridge Harvard. As in, like… _walking_ distance between our campuses?"

She's nodding, smiling while biting her lip. "As in like… we can still do this," holding my hand and looking out the Ferris wheel window, "every weekend. And wake up together… every morning and make love in our own home every night."

"We'd have to live on campus Ness," I say, breaking her from whatever little domestic dream she's conjured up.

"Oh, you'll be staying over, don't you worry about that Jake. And I'll be very at home in your little dorm too." A brilliant sexy sparkle blooming in her eyes.

Now it's my turn to make a garbled sobbing sound and I pull her to my chest, holding her tight, willing her essence to fuse to mine. For _once_ in my life, I can have it all.

"Today is a good day," I whisper into her ear. My eyes are closed as I inhale her cherry spiced smell underneath the perfume and I cherish the feel of her soft curls against my cheek. "I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step. My future self is rooting for me. I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like… because Ness, with you, it's even better."

I pull her back, slowly gazing in to her eyes. Soaking in every detail of her breathtaking face. She looks up at me with her kind eyes, glazed with their warmth and the familiarity of a soul mate. I smile, the heat of my emotions burning me up from the inside out, waiting to explode in cacophony of all that is amazing in this world. "You're my best friend, you know that right?"

She nods, her eyes getting glassy. She bites the inside of her cheek and lip, a happy, reverent smile pulling at her mouth. "Kindred spirits you and me Jake. We're two halves of a whole. I'm never leaving you side boy."

* * *

**A/N: As always, thank you Aretee for your efforts beta'ing this chapter.**

**I want to say thank you too all of you who voted for this story over at the Non-Canon awards. Thank you because it WON its category for Best Canon Paring story! I'm gob smacked, humbled and a little proud of myself too. But mostly I'm so very grateful to you guys for reading this story and for taking the time to go to another website to vote. **

**And of course, if you can do that then you can definitely review after this chapter! **

**Just below ↓ it's that little box that says 'Review'. Click on it and tell me your thoughts.**


	50. Chapter 50-Take a bite of this Big Apple

**Chapter 50 – We'll all take a bite of this Big Apple **

**(Nessie's POV) **

We arrive at JFK just after four in the afternoon, then, taking the hour long air-train into Manhattan and another almost hour in a taxi to get the ten blocks to 43rd avenue, we check in. At least we've arrived in time to make it to the rehearsal dinner at seven. It's been a long two days.

We drove in convoy last night after school, staying in a hotel near SeaTac with Chief Swan, and Sue and Seth, and Billy so we could all be on the early morning flight. Charlie and I were the only ones of our little group who had ever been in an airplane before.

I think it's going to become a new hobby of mine, collecting images of people's faces as they take off into the blue abyss for the first time. Jake was like a little excited kid the way he was bouncing around. If it wasn't for a good reason I would have been worried he was lifting into a mania, but it _was_ for a good reason, and traveling with that beautiful man is fun.

Jake and I are won't be coming home with Billy. Instead we're heading down to Cambridge with my father after the wedding to check out the dormitory options and to have our first looks at our respective schools. I just can't get over the growth and maturity Jacob's been showing. His therapy and medications have brought back the man I feared I'd never see again. We're going to Massachusetts, and we're going to be together. Forever. And that makes it two weekends away for us in just as many months. I want to travel the world with that man and I'm pretty sure he wants to do the same with me. We make a good team, Jacob and me. Traveling with his father on the other hand, was much more difficult. Seth and Charlie say they'll be able to help Billy, and I'm sure they will, but airplanes are cramped, and I'm going to talk to dad or uncle Carlisle about getting Billy upgraded to business for the return leg anyway.

If Jake was bouncing around on an excited high, Billy, oh-ho-ho, Billy was the polar opposite, a nervous wreck; chewing through a whole packet of hubba-bubba before we'd even reached cruising altitude. Wheeling his white knuckled grip along the seats, Jake helped him make his way, painfully slowly, to the bathroom, paranoid about not having his seat belt on for the five minutes it would take him to get in to the cramped cubicle and take a wiz. His anxiety was palpable. Thankfully he's already on medications to keep his heart rate down. And if we ever travel with Billy Black again, I'll be sure to not let him watch Air Crash Investigations two days before the flight.

We check into the Columbia University Club, we're all staying here at the mid-town hotel, all the guests are. Uncle Carlisle has booked out the entire eighth and ninth floors. Jake and I are staying in a room with Billy, it's just too expensive for them otherwise. We will just have to be creative if we want some _alone _time this Memorial weekend…Especial when daddy gets in tomorrow. Mom is in court this and next week, so she can't make it to the wedding, but dad is flying in, his plane gets in from Zürich at some ungodly time early tomorrow morning. I'll just see him at breakfast.

It's really a pleasure to watch Jake and his dad as we carry our bags into our twin double room— well, now that they're both on solid ground. They both go straight to the bathroom to check out the amenities, whistle at the well-stocked mini bar, then moan, looking out the fixed window as it fails to open. They are too alike sometimes, it's endearing. There's not much to see out the window, only the building across the street, but they know that the Park is only a few blocks away and the Square even closer. Again, I like that I can see their reactions to their first time in the Big Apple.

We have enough time to unpack a little and shower and change for the dinner. I'm going with a gold, vintage style A-line dress, formal enough without being too snobbish. This is Edward's wedding, and he has a tendency to be a little pretentious… but that's not my style.

* * *

The dinner is actually very nice, we get to see Emmie and Alice. Edward is flitting around, a nervous wreck, Bella is her normal introverted self, following his lead.

The food is excellent, and so is the champagne as we toast to the happy couple. I am all for the saluting, and the well-wishing, making a concerted effort to not hate Bella. But it's hard, she's always dropping little hints and offhand comments on how well she knows Jacob, how they've been friends all their lives. How she's so glad he came, the day wouldn't have been the same without _her_ _Jake _here. I mean, seriously?

_Her Jake?_

And where the hell was she when he was going through the psychosis? He got nothing from Bella, no support what so ever, not a phone call, not a message, not even a box of bloody chocolates. He's never mentioned it, but I know that her absence during that time and the last two months have disappointed him. But he wanted to come this weekend, for me and for Charlie, and as much as it's going to hurt him, he came for her too.

He's got such a giving heart, _my Jacob_ does. She doesn't deserve his loyalty.

But for some reason, Jake still wants to be her friend, and Edward loves her. And she's about to become family, so I smile, lift my glass and let the bubble wash over the sourness I'm trying to ignore on my tongue.

That is of course until, as we're mingling after coffees and the bride-to-be quietly approaches us and asks my boyfriend to stand up with her while she marries my cousin tomorrow.

To say that Jacob is speechless from her request is the understatement of the evening. I have to take another sip of the latte in my hand to stifle the deriding sound that I want to make at her audacity and selfishness. She really has no clue what it's taken him to come here. I'm proud of him. And loath her even more now.

"Ah, Bella. No," he says, shaking his head at her and pulling me into his side. I've opted for a simple conservative three inch heel tonight, and I love the way I still just slide in under his arm pit. And whether it's conscious or not, he's pulled me in so that he can lean on me. I know I'm only petite, but I also know I'm his tower of strength too.

"Oh, come on Jake," she smiles, a little too flirtatiously of you ask me. "You can be my 'man of honor'. You're my beast friend. I want you there with me."

They've mended their relationship somewhat. But it isn't to the point of being a bridesmaid or 'man of honor' as the audacious woman is hoping to call it. I can't see Jake going for this. And the jealous medusa witch wanting to slither out of me abhors the idea too.

Jake pulls an irritated, scrunched up scowl. "What?" he clips harshly, the contempt oozing from him. "Oh god Bella. I'm not your best friend. Not any more at least. I may have been, once upon a time. But not anymore. Don't you get it? If you were just some ex, someone I'd never have to see again and not…" he's lost for a word to describe what she is to him. Cousin-in-law by proxy? Sue and Charlie are about to move in together, maybe she's his De-facto step sister to his brother from another mother? Oh, I know what I'd like to call her… cheating, lying whore and all round bad friend?

"If you weren't… _you_," he says. I guess that encompasses all of the above. "Then I wouldn't even be here Bella. I barely want to be in the church tomorrow, much less standing next to you.

"And anyway," he says, sliding the hand that is at my shoulder down my arm and linking his fingers over the top of mine, "I want to sit next to Ness in the church, not up there with you." I look up at him, god he's so tall, and handsome as hell. I feel the love deep in my chest… then I felt it lower, and press my thighs together.

"You're not going to sit on my side?" she asks, miffed. She still doesn't grasp the level of betrayal he'd felt from her double-dealing. Once the trust is lost, and it is, it is one of the hardest things in life to regain. And they're not there yet. Quite frankly, she's made no effort to regain his trust, only asking for more and more from him each time she sees him.

He nods, "my dad is here to support your dad, Bella, but I'm here more as Nessie's date. And she's here to support Edward. So yeah, we're sitting on the Cullen side." It makes me swell inside to see him expressing his feelings and wants so readily; the confidence that he likes to portray but often secretly doesn't actually feel, shining out. I know how much it takes for him to be honest to Bella, and I'm proud of him, my arm wraps around his middle as a silent show of my pride, my hands rippling over his abs as they glide over the pressed linen shirt he's got on. His other hand covers my fingers, giving them a little squeeze, and a soft rub against my wrist. I need to scout out this hotel, find us a secret spot to rub some more soft skin. I'm confident in his commitment to me, but I'll like to remind him before the ceremony tomorrow none the less. Twice, if we can find a good spot.

"Oh," she says quietly, and I'm brought back from my carnal thoughts to the soft yellows of the dining room, and the woman in the gold and cream paisley dress, caped sleeves and well fitted princess seams. She looks good in it. It's a flattering dress. I see her appeal. But I look better.

"I just…" she shrugs, then she looks at me, tucked under his arm. His fingers are back to playing with the beading on my shoulder straps. I don't even think he knows he's doing it. But I do, and so does Bella. "I was just hoping to have a few more people on my side. Even it out a little."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you got married on the other side of the continent" he starts harshly.

I cut in, it's obvious from tonight's dinner that Bella's mother and father are pretty much the only family she has… and the Blacks. "We'll sit on the bride's side Bella." I say, cool and un-emotive. No matter what my personal feeling towards the woman are, Eddie loves her, and if she's going to be upset because Jake sits with my family, so too will Eddie. Then it'll domino to Aunty Esme and also to her dad and then Billy will be upset for her and for Charlie, and Jake will be worried about his dad. And none of that will do. "I can ask other guests to sit on your side too of you want the numbers to look even."

"Oh will you Ness?" I think she's going to cry. "Oh, god," she says licking her lips, "That would mean a lot to me."

Maybe I need to cut Bella some slack, maybe she does get what it's taken Jake to even be here this weekend. And this was her way of trying to make further amends.

"The photos will look all off otherwise, and can you make sure Seth and Sue spread out from Billy and Jake, I need the, ah…_color_ dispersed evenly— for the photos," she says to me.

Nope. Still just a selfish bitch.

I smile, it feels forced and foreign on my lips. I really want to slap her.

"Come on, baby." I say stepping away and gently pulling in his hand. Jake can slap me; that would be okay. I'll take a bit of his _color_ dispersed on my skin too. "Let's see what the steam room's like."

I flick a little look over my shoulder as we go, Bella is still standing there in her yellow gold dress, her straight edge eyebrows somewhere up around her hair line her cheeks turning a bright slapped pink. I doubt she ever let Jake fuck her in a steam room of a hotel. I doubt she lets Eddie do much outside of a bedroom. That's how were different;a tart pineapple and a juicy cherry. I'm the cherry.

* * *

…

* * *

We wake late, making our way to breakfast to see Seth already seated with a full plate, his mom and Charlie still at the buffet.

We get a table next to them and Jake is gone, off to load up his plate before I can even move the chair to make a space for Billy.

"Is this seat taken?" Comes a warm happy voice over my shoulder. I turn quickly on my toes, throwing myself at him, my arm wrapping around his tall shoulders.

"Daddy!"

He kisses the top of my head, and I reach up pecking him on the cheek, "How was your flight? You must be tired."

"A little," he says, holding my face with both hands and kissing me hard on the forehead. "Your mother wanted me to give you that."

I hug him in return, kissing his cheek again, "give her this then, please."

We smile. It's what we've done all my life; transfer kisses and hugs between the three of us.

"_Hai mangiato_?" I ask in Italian if he's eaten.

"Not yet, the omelet bar looks good though." So off to the omelet bar we go.

Jake is stacking his plate up with pancakes as we approach. He looks up, smiling at me, his face flashing with recognition as he sees dad behind me. "Mr. Cullen," his hand reaching out to shake. I can't help but bite my lip in anxiety as I see the offering. I really hope my father doesn't leave him hanging like he did the first time he met Jacob. I don't think his teetering morale will find it amusing.

I let out a breath as dad takes it first off, the other hand bracing Jacob shoulder, "Jake, how are you son? And call me Tony." His question is loaded with more than a simple enquiry in to his welfare. Mom and dad know all the details of Jakes psychosis, their support is what allows me to have the strength to keep supporting him. Dad cares about him, genuinely, not just because I do—which I do, I care a lot, I love him—but because my dad see the same magnificence in that man as I do.

And I love that he calls him son.

Jake looks at my dad, he's a good four or five inches taller than my father and Jake has a good twenty kilos—forty pounds, I have to keep remembering to convert to imperial—on him, but there is still a respectful ceding in the amazing man's dark, café-noir eyes. He owns my heart, my soul and my body and Jake knows that, but no matter who holds my heart, the man whose hand he is shaking will always be my father.

"I'm good Tony, I'm really good."

I think dad can see the sincerity in Jakes eyes. I know I can.

* * *

…

* * *

It's decided that we're all going to make our way to Central park for a few hours to pass the time until the wedding. Like a small pack of country bumpkins, Charlie, Billy and Sue walk with my father and Carlisle, as Seth and Jake walk a few paces behind, with me. It's so wonderful to see our families getting better acquainted; mixing and blending into one big extended family.

I've never been to New York City in the spring, and the Park doesn't disappoint. The crocuses and daffodils are in full bloom. There are a few blossoms opening out on the dogwood trees as we go past the pond and up to watch the people—young and old— playing chess in the checkers house.

There is a spectacular explosion of foxglove and tulips at the Shakespeare garden too. Dad makes some kind of comment to Uncle Carl about a Mid-summer night, and _Cream_ and both Jake and I shrink into each other, remembering the first time Jake met my dad, in nothing but his boxer shorts. Trying to ignore the heat in my face, I direct us along the Mall, hoping the way the beautiful dappled light filters though the elms will distract them and their reminiscences. It doesn't.

Seth leans over Jake, eyeing me through curious narrowed lids, "why are ya blushing Ness?" he asks.

"It's nothing," Jake says, his cheeks beginning to match mine, even under his perfect, tanned skin. His eyes flicking to Chief Swan. He doesn't want Charlie hearing this story, and neither do I. It's so damned embarrassing.

"Doesn't look like nothing," Billy says over his shoulder, tapping his own cheek. "You both look like you've been playing with the rouge of your mommas make up drawer."

And then Sue takes notice, looking between Jake and me, and my father and uncle. There's no denying the smart-alecky smirk on both their faces. I'm surprised it's taken them this many months to bring it up. Really, they turn into fifteen year olds when there together without their wives, not the mature professional forty-nine and fifty-one year olds that they normally are.

Before long we're sitting around the Bethesda fountain, her great wings looming over us as my father regales the tales of me and Jacob's sexual escapades.

"That's nothing," adds Billy, Jake just groaning and lowering his head on to his palms as his dad decides to join in on the roasting. "One night, I woke up with such a fright, dammed near thought someone was being murdered. And don't get me started on the oil stains on the couch, spilt that exotic smelling struff all over the suede, they did."

"Okay. I don't think I can take any more of this," I say, standing and pulling Jake up with me to the hollers of laughter. "And I don't think Charlie's blood pressure will either," he's been the color of a beet since dad started up. "Or Billy's heart, for that matter," the old boys been laughing like a hyena for that last five minutes, he needs to stop and take a breath. That's the excuse I'm giving anyhow. Jake looks just about ready to climb under one of the many bridges in this beautiful park and hide. And I need more time alone with him than a quick ten minute steam slap in the sauna.

With a smile on my face, I turn back to my family and friends, "We're going to find somewhere to have lunch where we're not going to get laughed at," I say, both Jake and I happy to get the hell out of Dodge.

I stop when we're a good twenty feet away, turning back to the laughing middle aged adolescents. Someone's got to be the responsible one around here. "I forgot to ask you dad if you want to squeeze into the taxi with us?" The wedding's at three and if that's the case we'll make sure to all be in the lobby by 2:30.

"No sweetie, Carlisle's got a town car, I'll go with him. Oh, and Ness," he calls as we turn. "I'm not going to have a late night tonight, and Billy said he isn't either," he says, his eyes meeting Jake's father's briefly, a little knowing, unspoken word shared between them. Those two are getting along just fine today. "So I thought—for Billy—you two could to take my room, and I'll room with Billy tonight."

Well this is a pleasant surprise… but, Oh my god. Our dads are giving us a dirty weekend. Can they be any more embarrassing? "Okay dad, sure, that would be lovely," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up. These damn cheeks are in blush overdrive today.

Seth is cackling his head off. I'm tempted to skip back over there and clip him one. "For Billy," I say, trying to get some sort of privacy and dignity back on to our side.

"Yeah of course. For Billy," he smirks.

"Yeah," says Jake finial coming in to help me get us out of this humiliating hole. "She's noisy, you'll sleep better with Tony, I'm sure," he says to his dad.

_Seriously Jake?_ I just want to stuff cotton wool in his gob. They're all laughing again. And I can see the cogs ticking over in Jakes mind, his mouth gasping as he realizes. "I meant sleeping. She's a noisy sleeper."

"Yeah, I know. It's woke me up, remember?" says Billy through sobbing tears.

Oh god. Get me out of here.

I grab Jake's elbow, swinging him around and leading him down some random path before he can make it any worse.

"Why did you say that?" I whisper even though we're out of ear shot now, I know this because I can no longer hear the hilarity going on behind us.

"I don't know, I panicked."

I just give him a side's way look, trying to be exasperated but he's so damn hot, and my frown melts away and I can feel my lips lift into a smile. "You panicked?" I giggle. "Remind me to never ask for your help in an emergency situation."

"Oh, I think it would be pretty good Ness," he says, pulling me in closer by the hand and stepping behind me. His arms wrap around my waist as we walk together, his giant steps outside mine. "Imagine some big natural disaster," he says, leaning down, his voice soft and warm just behind my ear.—oh god he's sex in a size twelve shoe, "and we were the only two people left on the earth. We'd be able to repopulate it no worries, or at least give it a good try." I can feel just how much he wants to try, it's pressing into my lower back.

I turn, wrapping my arms around his neck and still ambling between his legs as we walk, only I'm now traveling backwards in this dance we're doing. I look up at him, his dark eyes are shining and he's grinning like he's just won the lottery. But I'm the one who's won. God he's got a sexy smile, especially when he's all horny.

"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you? Just me and an uninterrupted eternity." We stop, I can hear the fountains of water somewhere near, but all I can see is Jake, his eyes, his soul as it gazes into mine.

I lift up onto my toes bringing my lips closer to his and he ducks down, our lips meeting.

Straight away my body lights up, just his lips do this to me. His hands are splayed across my back and he pulls me closer and I can feel myself melt into him. This never gets tired, I never get tired of him and us, and the way he makes me feel. It's love and lust and every emotion between. We stand like this for I don't know how long, with lips pressed together, warm and wet, tongues dancing along teeth and pallets, hips pulsing in sync, hands holding the other fast. The feeling is heady, and we pull back a friction to catch our breath for a moment.

"I'd love an eternity with you Renesmee," he says, landing a quick soft peck on my lips, "but right now, I'll settle for an hour in a hotel room." He's got a cheeky grin on his face and he bites his lip as he takes me by the hand, it's warm and dry and makes me feel safe as he tugs me out Scholars' gate.

Laughing and smiling, we walk in step with arms wrapped around each other along 5th Ave, zigzagging our way off the main street to the smaller ones, looking for a place we can afford to eat at. Wouldn't want to run out of energy, would we now?

We end up in a little Jewish deli, I get the pastrami, Jake gets the corned beef. We get it to go, eating as we amble along the city streets, back to our hotel for some much coveted alone time.

I'm fighting an uphill battle though. As we enter the foyer we see Emmett by the bar, watching some kind of car race. I think it's formula one, I recognize the streets of Monaco. He calls us over and Jake is momentarily distracted by his idol and tormentor, and by the shiny fast cars.

"You guys want a drink? I'm buying." Emmett has had a very good season. The 49ers made it to the playoffs, and his rookie year was quite eventful. From what Jake and Uncle Carlisle say, he's proving himself to be a valuable player, and worth his seven figure contract. "Alonzo's qualified first," he says to Jake as they both stare at the screen.

"Oh no man, forget Ferrari, my money's on Mercedes, all the way" says Jacob climbing onto the bar stool next to Em.

"Yeah I guess, the Germans have been on fire this session."

"Well," I say interrupting their charming bro-code tête-à-tête, "_dieser deutsche Mädchen ist auch in Brand und werden zum Zimmer zu gehen._"

They both turn to me, confused and not understanding my words. I was hoping my tone would have clued Jake in. "Huh?" he says, one eye still on the screen. God I love him, but honestly, an engine or a ball and he's forgotten me.

"I said, this German girl is also on fire and is going up to the room," I say tapping my watch and sexily tugging on cotton scarf around my neck. His dad will be back in less than an hour. I was hoping to have shower and take our time.

"Oh shit!" he says, jumping off the stool. "Laters bro," the two boys in men's bodies do an exploding fist pump and then my hunk of a man swoops down, wrapping his arm around my waist and lifting me my feet off the parquetry and glides us over to the elevators.

I can still hear Emmie laughing as the elevator doors close, and then everything is cut off. Jake has me pinned to the mirrored wall, his hands cupping my jaw as his lips crash down. "Sorry Nessie," he says after a minute, the elevator is old and slow, giving us a few minutes of seclusion, "don't be mad, that was a big sandwich. I'm full and I forgot for a minute." I raise a brow at him. "It was only for a minute," he reasons, before switching on that cheeky, panty dropping smile he knows I can't resist. I don't even try to either.

…

My scarf is off before the elevator reaches the sixth floor, I've ripped off his shirt before the room door is closed, we're only step or two further in and my top is on the carpet too. My hands are all in his hair, playing with the dark haphazard lengths, it's getting longer now, just at jaw line; I like it long on him. He pulls me close and I can't help but moan against his lips as his hardness presses into my stomach.

In a rushed flurry of hands and lips, buckles and denim, cotton and lace all fall from our skin. Then suddenly, I'm very ungraciously hurled on to the thousand thread starched white duvet cover, landing on my back. I can't help but giggle as I crawl back towards the bedhead. I love it when Jake is this playful.

"God you're beautiful," he says, stalking up the bed on his hands and knees. He stops above me, hands and knees trapping me beneath him, his eyes shifting from playful to lust infused, seeping into my heart and soul and lighting me on fire. "You're lips are beautiful," bending his elbow and ducking down, kissing me softly and sweetly.

Then he shifts, tracing a line of gentle kisses down my throat until it reaches a nipple, and he kisses one, then the other. "These are beautiful," he says before going back to the first and taking a long harder suck, drawing the little nub deep into his mouth, a pulsing sensation deep in my center throbbing in time with his lips.

When he's had his fill of my breasts he looks up at me, smiling with his tongue out as he draws a line with it straight down my tummy, circling my belly button before continuing.

"And this Ness, this if fucking spectacular," he smiles, his perfectly white teeth lighting up his face as his fingers unfold me and he stares like he's looking into the sun, committing my wet wanton pussy to memory. I'm sitting up a little, resting on the pile of pillows so that I can see him in his pilgrimage. I quite like his devotions on my skin, my pulse racing as he watches me so intently.

I can never get enough of looking at him, either. The way his muscles move and bunch under his smooth tanned skin. His arms are so well defined, I just want to run my tongue along the swells and dips as the biceps roll up to his shoulders. God, his shoulders and back, they're broad metaphorically _and_ physically, but it's that sheer male physicality that I'm wrapped up in currently. I love the ripples of muscles in his back, the deep thick valley that runs either side of his spine as his head dips down.

I moan, my eyes closing as I feel a hot sensitive tongue lick slowly up through my heat, sucking gently in my clit. Oh god, he's talented. Two fingers dip inside, curling upwards and everything is enhanced. I gasp at the sensation, "Oh Jake," my breathing already to a pant, "God you're incredible."

He replies by sucking harder on my clit, a hand coming up and starts pulling and rolling a nipple between his thumb and finger. My body shifts on its axis, tilting towards his talented mouth as I reach a higher orbit.

I like sex, it feels good. It's natural, it feels sensual. But with Jacob, it's a whole other experience. It's other worldly. The way we fit together, it's like we're made for one another. Destined. And his taking me to the outer stratosphere right now with just his mouth. Licking and sucking, tasting every inch of me. His fingers too, they're deliciously insistent, rhythmically thrusting into me, finding that sweet spot over and over again until it brings me to levitation. I break through the atmosphere, defying gravity and hurtle, into the sun, burning and exploding into a galaxy of orgasmic stars.

This is what Jake does to me.

* * *

I'm flat on my back, head thrown back, my limbs floppy and like jelly as I revel in the afterglow of one extraordinary display of cunnilingus.

"Beautiful," he mummers, his body gliding up to mine as he kisses me again, the taste of my essence on his lips. It rouses me from my daze, my hands awakening and wrapping around his neck, pulling him down for a full throated kiss; tongues and breath swirling and dancing together.

One hand reaches down and I find him still hard, eager and waiting. His lips graze along my jaw, a deep groan of want vibrates on my skin as my hands start to pump and I gather the pre-cum with my fingers, smearing it over the soft smooth bell and ridge of his extraordinary penis.

He lowers for a moment, my breast once again inserted between his lips, "Are you gunna cum for me again, tiny dancer?" he mumbles, his words muffled as he speaks around the over sensitive little teats.

"Mmmmh," I moan back; words are too hard. I just arch my back, silently asking him to suckle some more. It feels sooooo good. My hand keeps moving along him, it's smooth and hard and oh so long as I guide it closer to my opening. I want, so badly, to feel him inside me. He fills me up, with love and tenderness, but mostly with his herculean dick.

I straighten a leg alongside his and then lift the other one up above my head, feeling the hamstring stretch as I tuck it behind my shoulder. It opens me up wide, and he starts to fuck me balls deep, one large warm hand leaning on my calf and pressing my shin into the sheets. God it rubs in all the right places.

"Fuck me Ness, how do you do that, it's…augh," he moans as I warp my hands around his perfect ass and pull him even deeper into me. We keep moving like this for a while, I can feel him building and thickening, and I let my leg above me go, lowering it and shifting.

"You want to lie back?" I ask, and I know he'll say yes. He loves having his hands free to touch and caress me. I like his fondling quite a bit too. So in a flash, he's pulled out, lifted me, and flipped us. A sexy smirk gracing his lips as he lies back, his hands casually resting behind his head as he enjoys the view. Oh, and do I love giving him a show.

I slowly stand. Placing a foot either side of his hips and then down I go, into a slow descending side-split, my feet slowly spreading as my hips get lower and lower, inching down to the rock hard errection that's waiting for me. I brace one hand on his chest, god he has wonderfully broad chest; virile, hard and almost hairless. Pectorals that rise beneath taut skin, warm dark russet skin that stretches down to a hard slab of his belly that I just want to eat off sometimes. And he's got that sexy as shit V, those obliques that just frame the grand prize, pointing and directing. My hand takes the directions, holding him firm and lining him up as I lower further.

Just the head sits inside me, stretching and burning its pleasure, I pause, suspended in a split above him; using my internal muscles to tense and tease. He's had enough torment a minute or two later when he lifts up his hips, thrusting deeper into me with a swift hard lift. I let out a cry from the sudden intrusion, letting go and lowering down so we are flush together.

"God you feel good inside me," I smile, my hands linking with his as he supports me and helps me move.

His answering bedroom smirk shining right through my entirety, "I bet it feels even better to be the one inside," he purrs, twitching his dick, pressing it right against my g-spot and I gasp at the pleasure this subtle move bestows. My clit is rubbing against his pubic hair now also, sensitive and responsive as we move slowly back and forth. He half sits up to kiss me and I reach forwards, or lips meeting in an open mouth touch. I wish I was taller sometimes… times like now. I like kissing during sex, and it's hard sometimes with our height difference. I really want to kiss him properly today, so I use his chest as a platform and raise my hips up, his penis sliding outwards, again just the head is captured by my wet heat. I bring my legs around so that I'm kneeling on the bed, lowering myself back down the ease of movement immediately apparent without the acrobatics.

I can lean down and kiss him without him falling out in this easy cow girl position too. So I do, I lean down and kiss him, running my tongue along the ridges of his mouth, tasting the last of his cherry cola from lunch on his lips as I take them as my own to possess. His hands start weaving over my back and bottom, holding a cheek in each hand as he thrusts his hips upwards into me. Faster and faster we build, hands exploring, lips fused as his jaw works me over.

The shrill call of his phone slows us momentarily. "Ignore it," he says, his lips vibrating against mine as he holds my hips as he sits up. Then, again, he manhandles and possesses me in the way I love best… he flips us so that I'm back on my back and he has me by the ankles spreading my legs wide as he pounds hard and fast. All the while the incessant marimba of his phone keeping the beat.  
"You should answer it Jake," I say, my hand reaching between my folds and finding my little pearl so that I can bring myself to a second climax.

"They'll leave a message," he says trough gritted teeth, his focus internal and thoroughly concentrated on a final copy, not the memo.

I rub my clit some more, that familiar hum of tension starting to build as the ringing finally stops. My voice takes over from my consciousness, a rhythmic grunt escaping my lips with each thrust he makes to a heady beat; in and out, in and out, wet and hot and all mine.

Then my phone starts up, it's a muted sound, muffled from within my hand bag that's lying somewhere on the floor. The perky synth-funk of Whitney Huston echoing out the room, my father's ring tone. It pulls me from the ledge that I am only seconds from falling off. "Jake," I say, as he hammers away, it feels so good, but… my instinct is screaming to answer the phone. "Jake!" I say, my hands pushing him in the chest, pushing him away, "That's my dad, I want to answer it," I say, wrapping my legs around him to keep him firmly in place and sitting up. I reach sideways to the floor, pulling my bag up, the phone is in an external pocket, and I answer just before it goes to message.

"Dad?"

"Ness, is Jake with you?"

"Yes," I answer carefully. My gut twisting.

"Are you near the hotel?"

"Yeah, we're here now," I force through a sigh as Jacob's hands find my breast and play with the weight, squeezing and teasing the nipples as his lips kiss along my collarbone as he listens in.

"Good, Billy's having a hypo, I need you guys to run his Glucagon needle here. We're giving him some sugar, but I want the medication here just in case. We're in the Tavern, you know where that is?"

I'm sure dad can hear Jakes frustrated "Fuck!" as he pulls away, unwinding my legs and pulling out of me. He shifts suddenly, sitting on the edge of the bed and shoves his legs into his cargo shorts. I sit, kneeling behind him, my hand on his back, and I silently kiss his shoulder, my breasts pressing into this naked broad muscled back.

"Yeah, dad, it's on the Broadway side, halfway up the Park."

"Yeah, that's it Ness, catch a cab sweetheart, we might need it ASAP."

"Okay daddy, we'll be there soon."

Jake is putting his shoes on by the time I hang up. "I'm just gunna run there Ness, It'll be quicker than a taxi," he says, righting a sock and pulling it on. "FUCK!" he yells again, frustrated as he swathes his desire, pulling back from the tipping point.

"Come on Jake that's got to be two miles away, it'll be faster in a cab."

He rifles through his father's suitcase, pulling out two bright orange hard cased packages, slapping one into my hand. His eyes are still heated, his frustration palpable, "We'll take two then, you take the cab and we'll see who's faster." It's a friendly bet, but I can see he's still unsatisfied and irritated under the steamy look he gives me.

Then a smirk forms on his face.

"What?" I ask.

"In four short months Ness, we are going to be on the other side of the country and too far away for an emergency run with a hypo shot shit. This," he says waving the needle packet around, "is gunna be Rachel's problem now. No more interrupted sex for us, my fair lady." He pulls me into a hug, if you'd call it a _hug. _I'm still naked and he lifts me up by my ass, pressing his still erect penis into my centre through his shorts— it's an embrace of sorts, it feels good nevertheless.

He loves he's father, these sort of things have become common place for us, he's taking it in his stride, but Billy's heath is a constant interruption to Jacobs's life, and sometimes the resentment seeps in. I can't say as I blame him… that was some good sex we were just having.

"Besides," he continues, putting me down on my feet and throwing his t-shirt on, "I need to run. I got to let out some of this energy or I'm gunna end up fucking you on the altar of the church the way I'm feeling right now."

Holy shit. Imagine that. The budding effects of my thwarted second orgasm tingling back to life. I pull my bra on and quickly pull my white t-shirt on over my head as I search the room for my discarded knickers. I need to find them before we forget why we stopped.

Jake swoops down near the door, holding up the missing lace. "Maybe I should just keep these," he says, bunching them up and stuffing them into the front cargo pocket of his shorts.

"Why Mr. Black, I thought you wanted to burn off some energy, not build it up," I purr as I pull my classic little denim shorts on. Giving him a look that sings '_yes, I'm going out without panties on and I know it's going to kill you, but you started it, so you have no one to blame but yourself'_.

He just groans running his fingers through his hair before handing me my sandals and I slip them on as we leave the room.

We're in the elevator going down when he traps me against the mirrored wall, "you are so going to get fucked this afternoon." His still hard penis pressing on my side, "I don't care if we miss the god damn wedding Ness. You are going to be screaming my name before the day is done." His mouth is pressed against my temple, blowing heated air against the shell of my ear. I can feel the tingle of desire ripple through me, down my neck and over my back, my nipples tingling and my uncovered vulva pulsing.

"Patience is a virtue Jake," I say, my mouth level with his chest as I gently bite at his nipple through his t-shirt. "Maybe I'll make a point of going panty-less tonight too." My leg lifting around the back of his thigh as my hand guides his, steering his hand over my thigh and shepherding his fingers as they invade the leg cuff of my shorts, a long digit finding the wet heated center. We both moan at the touch, and he leans down, kissing my throat and sucking hard as we dry hump in the ancient, slow elevator of the New York Columbia Club.

We're standing upright, side by side, nothing but hands touching, as the ding of the ground floor sounds our arrival. We step out and I ask the concierge to call me cab before Jake gives me a little-less-than-appropriate kiss for a hotel lobby. "I'll see you when you get there," he smirks, a self-assured grin in his face before setting off into a jog, orange little rectangular box full of medicine in his fist.

"I'm gunna beat your sexy ass," I yell out, smiling not caring that I've collected quite a few awkward looks at my outburst on the footpath of west 43rd street. What? It is a sexy ass. _And_ I'm gunna beat him.

…

Uncle Carlisle has given Billy the injection and he's more or less back to normal as Jake finally strides into the Tavern. He's a little sweaty, flushed but much calmer than when Dad first called us twenty minutes ago.

"I got lost, this damn park has so many paths and tracks." He's all male in his shorts and the little bit of sweat that soaked into his shirt, highlighting the broadness of his back as he leans down to kiss me in greeting. Then he kneels in front of his dad, both hand clasped on the wheelchair bound man's shoulders. "This shit has got to stop, Pa. You're getting that insulin driver. I'm sick of having of you having to be stuck with a damn needle."

"_You're_ sick of needles," Billy says good-naturedly back, the perpetual patient, giving Jake a friendly double slap on the cheek.

Jake snuffs lightly in reply, standing and stepping behind his dad's chair, wheeling him outside. "I don't want to hear a word from you," he says, bending down and leaning over his dads shoulder, "we're going back to the hotel, in a _taxi_," he stresses, eyeing me and we share a smile—I told him I'd be faster— "and you're going to rest before we have to get ready for the wedding. You got me dad?"

"I got you son," his voice soft and proud. I can see him looking over his shoulder at his son, to the man he's turned in to. He's taking stressors so much better that he would have weeks ago. He's not panicked, he's calm and rational, and I'm so proud of him too.

* * *

**So this is part one of a longer chapter, the next one will take off form the wedding, still in Nessie's PoV. I'll have it up some time over the Easter long weekend.**

**Sorry I didn't reply to all your amazing reviews this week, life got busy. So, instead, I'll say a collective thank you here instead... THANK YOU!**

**I love getting inside Nessie's head, let me know if you do too.**

**Bouna Pasqua, Marina**


	51. Chapter 51 - The wedding

**Last time on P &amp; C's… (Nessie's PoV)**

"**I was just hoping to have a few more people on my side. Even it out a little," Bella says.**

"**Well, you should have thought about that before you got married on the other side of the continent," Jake starts harshly.**

**I cut in, it's obvious from tonight's dinner that Bella's mother and father are pretty much the only family she has… and the Blacks. "We'll sit on the bride's side Bella." I say, cool and un-emotive. No matter what my personal feeling towards the woman are, Eddie loves her, and if she's going to be upset because Jake sits with my family, so too will Eddie. Then it'll domino to Aunty Esme and also to her dad and then Billy will be upset for her and for Charlie, and Jake will be worried about his dad. And none of that will do. "I can ask other guests to sit on your side too of you want the numbers to look even."**

"**Oh will you Ness?" I think she's going to cry. "Oh, god," she says licking her lips, "That would mean a lot to me." Maybe I need to cut Bella some slack, maybe she does get what it's taken Jake to even be here this weekend. And this was her way of trying to make further amends. **

"**The photos will look all off otherwise, and can you make sure Seth and Sue spread out from Billy and Jake, I need the, ah… _color_ dispersed evenly— for the photos," she says to me.**

**Nope. Still just a selfish bitch...**

* * *

Chapter 51 - The Wedding.

I have had to repeat, over and over to myself that I will not give a bride a black eye in the hours leading up to her wedding.

We ran into Bella and Alice as they came back from the hair salon, her dark brown hair piled high in little rolls, Alice's pixie cut fashioned with sharp cutting-edge tips. We were changing rooms with my dad, and we stopped for a minute to chat, Billy's hypo coming up in the conversation. Bella, in her typical selfishness more worried that the table places would be out if he didn't stay for the reception.

I've decided no to go to a hairdresser to do my hair, I'm just going to wear my hair down.

Jake likes it like that.

I will not give her a black eye.

Instead I will simply look better than her.

Passive aggression, I believe it's called.

* * *

"Would you stop fidgeting old man," I say to Billy as he fiddles with his tie for the hundredth time. I lean over, adjusting the Windsor I'd made earlier at the hotel.

"Easy for you to say Ness, you don't have a noose choking you."

"No, because this girdle is much more comfortable" I say, pointing to the boning in the bodice of the strapless dress I've chosen to wear.

It's a conscious choice. I was going to wear the navy blue boat neck to the knee, but after Bella's little stunt last night, and today in the hallway outside our room I'm going with the fitted to the floor, thigh split red one. I know it's in bad taste, but I want to look better than the bride today.

"For the record Ness, you look absolutely breath taking." Jake leans over, his breath warm in my ear, "you're not really wearing a girdle are you?"

God he's beautiful. "No sweetheart, but I do have on some very sexy lace underneath all this that will be coming off soon," I whisper, my lips brushing his high boned cheeks. I know I'm smirking, I know his father is sitting next to me as we squish in to the backseat of the New York Taxi. But by God, Jacob is sex in a cummerbund in that tux and we still have some unfinished business to attend too.

He moans into my neck breathing in the L'Or des Indes perfume he likes so much. He's wearing the cologne I had made for him for Christmas, and it smells like heaven on his skin.

The ceremony is at the chapel of Saint Paul, on the grounds of Columbia University. Yes, they're having the wedding at Columbia and the reception at the Columbia club. Gee, I wonder where they go to school? Pretentious much?

I have to admit though, the church is beautiful with its terracotta and brass ornaments, and the perfectly shaped hedges and topiaries.

We find the wheelchair access and take a seat second from the front. On the bride's side. I keep my promises. Never promised to separate the _color_ though; nope, no sir indeedie, never promised that one. I've made sure Sue and Seth are right there in the front row waiting for Charlie and Billy and Jake are directly behind them. She can shove her _color_ _dispersal _up her ass.

They have a flutist playing, and the soft trill echoes around the cavernous domed-roofed space. I haven't been inside a church for a while. Not including the funeral and my desperate attempt at self-tendered grief counselling to light a candle last month, the last time I attended Mass was in the school chapel at Marymount in Rome.

The whole school was in attendance that day, for _Mercoledì delle ceneri__—_ Ash Wednesday. That was the day Luca told his best friend Gianni that I was pregnant… and then Gianni told his girlfriend Valentina who told her best friend Alida whose mother, Professoressa Bianchi was an Italian teacher there and I suppose she must have been the one who told the Dean. And then all hell broke loose.

And I was asked to leave on the Friday.

Jake has his arm around my shoulder, his chin on the top of my head and I lean back into him as we look around the luminous space, admiring the brilliant stain glass behind the altar in the chancel. I raise my shoulders, sitting up straight, determined not let my past define my future, and I sit like I have all my life, like a ballerina, with poise and grace. I will not let that bitter time haunt me. I believe that poise is simply strength displayed gently and grace is the outward expression of the inner harmony of my soul. I'd like to believe I still have both. Jake thinks I do.

I smile and wave at my family who are across the aisle from us. Emmett and Edward are already standing at the front and I catch Emmie's eye. Actually, I think _Jake_ catches his eye, because the two doofuses are talking in some kind of bro-mance made up football sign language across the pews. I shut it down, slapping Jake playfully on the chest when I— _and_ most of the congregation— see Emmett give Jake the thumbs up, grasping at an imagined pair of tits in front of his chest and pretending to squeeze_. Oh Lord_, my father is just over there.

I can see Ed give Em some kind of quiet scolding reprimand and Emmett's chuckle can be heard across the nave as he turns to face the front.

"Honestly Jake." I can't keep the titter out of the rebuke though; my boobs do look killer in this dress, but not as good as my legs.

"What?" he says as his fingers fanning over my ribs, the back of his hand rubbing under my breast. _Oh Yes Jacob, very discrete_. "That dress is so fucking good Ness, even your cousin noticed."

My witty answer is cut off by the clicking of Bella's mother's heels on the tiles as she walks down the aisle. That's our cue to stand and his hands drop from my body as we turn to the vestibule.

The music is beautiful; classical and obscure. The type that only scholarly musicians know. Edward's taste.

Alice comes dancing down the aisle, a small light pink bunch of ranunculus, stock and freesia in her hand. Her dress is Lilac, it's flattering with the V-neck and chiffon pleat to her knees, but the color isn't, it washes her out. I'm not trying to be critical, but it's purple, its look hideous on Ali. Purple… the color of sexual frustration. I bit my lip at the thought of why Bella chose that color. I'm wearing red.

Jake shifts beside me, it's only a small movement, but I sense his tension. I look up at him and his jaw is tense and working. It's sexy, but I know it's not me he's tense about. A little hollowed out feeling digs in my chest at the thought. I follow his line of sight. She's paused at the entrance of the church, her father by her side. Her veil covers her face, the long lace sleeves rise up to a scooped neck and shapely waist. She looks nervous and excited and again, I see why Jake loves her.

They start to walk, slowly and in time to the beautiful music that is echoing from the flutist's position in the chancel. She's just looking ahead, to her groom waiting for her as they approach. I want to reach behind me and take Jacob's hand, but I don't. I feel frozen, my fingers linked together in front of me.

Then she looks around, smiling to various people in the crowd. Her eyes meet mine momentarily, looking down my figure in this red dress, there is a little aggrieved twitch of her brow before she skims over me, instead looking for much longer at the man standing tall at my shoulder. To her best friend. To _my_ best friend.

There is a familiar passion in her eyes, even through the opaque screen of the veil, I can see the warmth she has for him still. Even as she walks towards the man she's chosen, a part of her still wants the man she discarded. I can't look at her, my stomach twisting with the knowledge that she had Jacob's heart before me, and that if she hadn't torn it to pieces, she still would. I look at my cousin, his adulated smile splitting across his face as he watches her walk towards him, so in love with her, blind to her dual desires. Is this how it will always be? Her silently coveting him for the rest of our intertwined lives?

Jake shifts behind me, stepping close. His warmth and strength presses against the skin of my back, his hand softly sliding down my waist and settling on my hip. He leans down, his lips kissing the side of my neck, and I close my eyes to the sensual touch, "I love you," he whispers. "Only you, Ness."

_Only me._

His words envelop me like warm velvet blanket. It slides against my skin and bathes me with a sense of warmth and security... and _love._

I open my eyes to see Bella is watching our exchange, a cool tolerance in her eye as she steps past. In her wake, flowing behind her like a waterfall of gossamer waves, the train slides past sweeping with it my doubts and jealousy. She can feel what she likes for him, I know his feelings; and they are unwaveringly directed at me. _Only me._

I turn a little, straining my neck to look up at him. His eyes are dark and focused. Not at the beautiful woman gliding past, but at me. His eye are café-noir and passionate, trapping me in his thrall. We're locked in this exchange. No words are needed for me to recognize the love he feels… _for me_.

"That's gunna be us one day," he smiles, his voice husky and soft, sticking in his throat as he nods towards the altar where the intended couple are stepping forward together.

I shift, winding my arm around him, lifting up so that I can reach his lips. "Not in a church Jake, we're getting married on T'ist'ilal's cliff," I smile. I don't want chiffon and stained-glass. I want giant cedars and salt spray, and great eagles soaring above us on thermal currents with the sound of the ocean below. Hell, I'd take a drunk Elvis in a cheap polyester suit so long as it's Jacob who's by my side. But I know what I really want. "Any way, I think the Great Spirit already united our souls that first day we jumped Jake. That's how it feels to me anyway."

He pulls me harder against his chest, his face buried in the curls I've arranged over one shoulder, breathing me in, filling us both up with each other's energy.

"God I love you," he murmurs into my hair as the priest begins the ceremony.

* * *

The reception is immaculate, five courses of refined, high-end food served on glossy glazed china and sparkling crystal glasses filled with sparkling wine to wash it all down.

Jake has been very attentive to me this evening. Specifically, his attention has been on the thigh high split in my dress, his hand only leaving my skin to use both hands to cut up his rib eye. I promised to keep underwear _off_ and so far I've not lived up to my promise. I'm planning on changing that very soon.

I excuse myself from the table, Jake offering to come with me but wave him off— I have a plan.

A few minutes later I return, my little clutch purse now a little bulkier with a pair of red lace cheekini panties no longer under this head-turning dress.

I sit back in my seat, between Jacob and Seth. I lean into Jake, placing my purse on his lap, "can you put this in your jacket pocket, please" I say quietly into his ear.

He looks at me questioningly, but he pulls his jacket off the back of the chair and finds the inner pocket anyway. I open the little clasp on the bag, showing him the new addition to its contents.

"Oh my god," he groans under his breath. "Are you trying to kill me?" he whispers into my ear, kissing the little dip where my jaw meets my ear. His lips shift the drop earrings I'm wearing and I can hear a little tinkling sounding the movement. The slight touch sends a tremor through me. It skittles down my back, wrapping my skin in heated chills. Little prickles of gooseflesh come up on my arms and down the leg Jake has his warm hand on.

He leans down, making to shift his jacket, but that's not his intention. His hand slides down my leg, along the inside of my knee, wrapping around my calf before oh so lightly grazing my ankle, and sliding back up, this time going much higher than my knee. His touch is gentle and soft, just the tips of his fingers tickling up my inner thigh. I shift a little, my legs parting infinitesimally, giving him the access to move higher, and he does. I squirm a little, biting my lip and reaching for my wine glass as his fingers find me.

Just a brief encounter, a conformation of sorts that, yes indeed, I have taken my panties off at my cousin's wedding, and yes I have sat down at the dinner table with my father and his father just next to us. And yes, I want to be taken, hard and fast, somewhere in the hotel… sooner rather than later… but not this soon. His fingers withdraw leaving a wet trail back down my exposed thigh in their wake.

Dessert is served, chocolate mousse, and we pull apart, his jacket returned to the back of his chair as he stuffs his pant pocket with our little red laced secret. Turning back to his plate, I watch as Jake uses his fingers to pick up the fresh raspberry sitting on top. He turns his head, looking at me, his mouth open, his wet tongue sitting just behind his teeth as he slowly drops the berry in, sucking on the same finger that was just inside me. "Mmmm," he hums, "good. So sweet." He has such a powerful urgency in his eyes, a need, a magnetic pull of raw sexuality. My god he's beautiful.

I swallow— hard— my eyes skimming across the table to see if anyone's seen our little exchange. Thankfully everyone is absorbed in the whipped sweet in front of them. I try to focus on it too, turning my attention to the plate in front of me. Anything to cool the heat I can feel burning on my cheeks.

Ignoring the Greek Adonis trying seduce me before diners finished, I lift my spoon, I dip into the creamy dessert inside. It's good, really good, and on the second mouthful, I turn the spoon in my mouth, groaning and very, _very_ slowly pull it out my mouth, dragging the silverware off my lower lip. I see Jake watching me and I know we both know I'm going to win at this game he's started. And yes, he started it, I just took the opportunity to de-knicker, I wasn't trying to seduce him... really! I just showed him what was in my purse to inform, I know he's a given. Well… maybe there was a little bit of seduction. A girl's got to use what she can with a licentious bride on the loose.

Between the first two courses, Bella and Edward came over to our table, smiling and happy. Eddie is so happy, he hasn't stopped smiling like a loony all evening. Bella saved a special hello for Jake while Ed was speaking to my father. Jake just returned a brotherly one handed hug, the obligatory 'you look pretty', his hand never leaving mine through the whole exchange. I didn't get more than a cool hello from her. I guess she doesn't appreciate the red dress. Jake does though.

.

Truce?" he asks, smiling that perfectly white, perfectly straight perfectly perfect smile bringing me out of my thoughts.

I smile, maybe it's a little smirk. I love how this man loves.

"Truce," I say back, shifting my leg, so that my thigh inches out from the split, the inside of that delicate milky part peeking out.

"You do not fight fair Tiny Dancer. Not fair."

"All good things come to those who wait Big Chief. All good things."

* * *

The bride and groom have cut the cake and are slowly dancing to some folk indie song that must be special to them. It's lovely and they make a beautiful couple, in love and the embodiment of high school sweethearts that will live a long and happy life together. I hope, for all our sakes, that I'm right.

Half way through the song, Uncle Carlisle and Aunty Esme join the dance floor and then Chief Swan pull Sue up, with Bella's mother and her new husband only a few steps behind. By the end of the second song, most of the guests are on the floor, Jake and myself included. Everyone is paired off and swinging together to the earthy, sultry sounds made by the live band as the lead singer croons how love is king and she's crowning him in her heart.

The band is really good, the lead singer is a stunningly beautiful blond bombshell kind of diva, and her voice is just as magnificent. She and Emmett have been making goo-goo- I-want-to-fuck-you eyes between where she's standing behind the microphone stand on the small stage to where he's been seated at the table next to his friend from Texas State – Alice's secret lover— since the band arrived.

I'm swinging in Jacobs's arms, letting him lead me across the parquetry, secretly thrilled to be panty-less, lost in the moment as I wonder what our song is. I don't think we really have one.

Aunty Es leans in to us, still holding uncle C's hand as she dips back, a little tipsy, letting us know this is their song. It was the first song her and uncle Carlisle danced to at their wedding. I wonder idly if that was Bella or Edward's doing to play it. Probably Ali's.

"Do we have a song?" I ask, looking up at Jake, his strong jaw sharp and angular from where I'm standing beneath.

He looks at me, a small private smile on his lips, "Tiny dancer— hands down."

"That's your song for me, not _ours_."

"Cherry Pie?" he smirks back.

"Jake!" I giggle, looking around us, hoping no one else gets his inference. He's been so horny since we got interrupted this afternoon and I've unleashed a monster by showing him the panties in my purse.

He laughs pulling me closer, his hard need pressing in to my stomach. He's so happy today. "I don't know Nessie, I'm sure we'll think of something before this pending 'big day'. In like, five years' time."

"You want to wait five years?" I gasp, an overly dramatic shocked look on my face.

He laughs, knowing I'm teasing, "Oh at least. There is no allocated time frame Miss Cullen. Let's just get through high school and Massachusetts first, shall we? I'm happy to live in sin for a while"

I nod, kissing the edge of his jaw, just at the point where the angle dips down to his throat, "I like this sin, my dirty man. So long as it's before I graduate medical school. There's already enough Dr. Cullen's in my family. I want it so say _Black_ on the diploma that will hang on my office wall."

I see the twinkle of pride in his eye, of me _and_ of us.

We're interrupted from our moment by my father, cutting in and asking for a dance. Jake graciously assents, and daddy whirls me away. It's a little weird knowing I have nothing on underneath this dress as I dance with my father. I do my best to be graceful on the dance floor, forgetting the awkwardness dad knows nothing about. Hopefully Jake can find us a good spot to escape to soon.

My father is an excellent dancer, so is Uncle Carlisle. Apparently Grammy Cullen made them both do ballroom dancing as kids and they did it for _years,_ until they both put up so much of a stink they were finally allowed to stop, I think dad was twelve by then. I focus on the dancing steps of a fox trot, holding my shoulder back as my father leads me across the floor like the pro I almost was.

By the end of the song, Jake is back, taking me back off my father's hands, and I slide up next to him. Back into his arms, back home.

* * *

I love dancing with Jacob, one warm hand is on my back and the other is grasping my hand as we swing. I love the way his hand covers so much of my ribs, his thumb wrapping around my waist. He pulls me in, pressing me to his chest as we move in as one. He's holding me a little too tightly, desperately. I arch back so that I can see his face, his jaw is tense and working, just like it did back at the church. His eyes are closed, hiding from me the meaning behind his strain.

"Hey," I croon, "what's the matter?" We're having such a perfect night.

He keeps he's eyes closed, frowning and shaking his head as he pulls me in tighter, spinning me on the floor. "Bella, what else?"

"What happened?" I look around, the woman in the creamy white dress seated at a table, chatting idly with some guests that I don't know. One song, I dance with my father for one song. She's sneaky, I'll give her that. "Did you have words?"

"Kind of," he answers, sucking in a heavy breath and letting it go with a sigh. "She's just too _handsie_, you know?" _Oh yes… I know_. "She put her hand on my leg under the table, and I just, like… looked at her. I was like… are you for real? I mean Ness, what else do I have to do? I've moved on, that ship has long sailed, it's her fucking wedding day for fuck's sake." His tone is incredulous and exasperated. The woman is persistent; I'll give her that too.

"What did she say?"

"Just that I look handsome and shit."

"You do." My tone is droll and soft. My hand squeezes his shoulder, swiping up and cupping over his tense neck. He rolls his head, leaning into me with a quiet sigh as he relaxes into my touch. This is what I do to him.

"I really think she gets it now, though. _Finally._ I told her that she needs to be true to herself _and_ to Edward. And this power play she keeps trying between you two has got to stop."

"You said that?"

"Oh yeah," he chuckles. "I told her that, in no uncertain terms, you are my soul mate, my best friend, my one true love. For now and the rest of our lives. No one knows me better than you Ness. And no one ever will. My partner in all that this shared life offers us."

I feel a swelling in my heart. The romance of the simple statement fills me up from the inside out.

"Oh, and she _hates_ that dress you're wearing."

"Does she now?" I smirk, a self-satisfied shimmy of my shoulders just to enunciate.

"Yeah, she just blurted it out, bad etiquette or something."

"It's kind of bad etiquette to touch another woman's man on the thigh too, wouldn't you say?"

"I'd have to agree," he whispers, pulling him into me, his hard heavy erection pressing into my stomach and his hips rock in time to the music. "_You_ can touch me though, a little higher than the thigh please. I'd like that a lot." He takes my ear between his lips and bites gently, sucking me right in.

"And this dress…" His hands slide down my side, the tips of his fingers brushing over the side of my breast, in to the dip of my waist.

"I like it. I like it a _lot_. I like the way it curves over your hips. I like the way it plunges down your boobs. I like the way I can see your back— you have an amazing back Ness. And this," he hisses, his hand sliding down my hip and over the bare flesh of my thigh, "this here… I _love. _It's every guy's wet dream. And Lordy, _Lordy_, do I dream about you. Sexy, sexy siren."

I can't hide my smile as he spins me, bending me back into a dip, my knees pressed together so the band doesn't get look at my naked cooch. Gigging, I flex my back as far back as it goes into the dip.

Take _that_ Bella.

I'll bend over backwards for this man.

He's mine.

All mine.

Mine, mine, mine.

And I as I make upside down eye contact with her from where she's sitting at a table watching us, I feel the satisfaction that finally, she knows it. He's mine.

"_Mine_," I mouth silently at her before I'm pulled upright, back into his perfect, muscly, tender, loving arms.

* * *

The song changes, effortlessly morphing into a modern country melody, the piano weaving its romantic tune. I spin, my back now pressed to his stomach, my arms crossed in front of me as we swing, his desire still pressing into my spine. His lips press into my curls as he sings along with the band, into my ear.

"_Now you're my whole life. Now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe. The way I feel about you girl_."

I melt in to him, forgetting the bride over at table three. I forget my angel and all the things that haunt our past. I'm living here, in the present and wrapped up in my future. All that matters is seizing the day we have now, _attualmente_. My whole world is once again filled with Jacob. His body and soul surround me in an exquisite viscous caramel haze. I'm ensnared and owned, and I couldn't be happier about it.

"This can be our song," I smile, leaning my head against his solar plexus his third chakra pulsing and bathing me in golden light.

I can hear his smile, "You were right before, back at the church," he says, his deep voice vibrating against the skin of my temple. I have my eyes closed as me move, letting the music wash over me, rinsing it all with the sent and hum of Jacob as he's wrapped around me like this. "We're already as good as married, at least as far as the old traditions of the tribe are concerned."

I can hear the cheeky smirk in his voice as he ticks off the list. "You've got a Ha-tol-ka; you've made my father a meal that he's accepted; you stayed the night in our long house and… most importantly; I'm madly, wildly, in love with you," he finishes with husky whisper, his head dipping down to my shoulder, kissing me on the exposed skin as we swing on the dance floor.

"And I'm insanely, passionately in love with you, my Indian Prince," I say, twisting and looking up at him. His eyes are bright and deep and I'm lost, lost in them—spellbound by the raw emotion radiating from him. God that feeling… it hits me hard in the chest, it's addictive. It's love at its greatest.

"So I guess then, if we're all but married, this is our first dance," he grins, biting his lips between his teeth, his eyes washing over me. They're soft and melted, yet burning with dark chocolate devotion. The way his full, toffee lips seductively pull into his mouth remind me that I'm still panty-less and that want to swallow those lips inside a passionate kiss.

"The first of many, my love. Dancing is, after all, the hidden language of the soul. And our souls, Jacob, are interminably bound together." The credence of my words are thick between us as they ring true. "So does that mean I can call you my _tribal husband_ now?" I say lightening us as we step to the steel guitar being played on the stage.

His hands wrap tightly around my hips, turning me back to face him as he suddenly lifts me off my feet, kissing me hard and vehemently; right in the middle of the dance floor, for everyone to see. Especially _her. _ If I was standing, I'd be weak in the knees. He pulls back, our lips separating with a suction like smack, our breathing combined and panting. "Yes _wife_," the word rolling of his tongue naturally and a great big saucy grin on his lips. "Let's go find us a place to consummate this legal and binding mating; blessed and deemed valid by the great thunderbird spirit himself."

He puts me back on my feet, his warm hard hand holding mine as he leads me off the floor.

Giggling like the love sick girl that I am, I let him lead me out the main room, and down the hallway. As we go past the elevator lobby, down to a second, smaller reception room that's not being used tonight, I'm reminded of the time we snuck thought the locker rooms at school to find somewhere private to make out when we were keeping us a secret still. We're still sneaking off, but I'm hoping for much more that simply making out, and we are far from a secret these days.

* * *

He gives the door handle a little shake when we reach the other ballroom, finding it locked.

"Damn it!" he says, "This was open this morning."

I smirk inwardly, knowing he's been scouting possible clandestine rendezvous sites for us. _Before_ I took off my panties and we'd decided we were already basically married.

There is a second bathroom down this end of the building, the lights are out as we slip into the powder room of the ladies. His hand finds a light switch on the wall and the room is illuminated in a warm soft glow. It's carpeted with a black leather Chesterfield sofa by the far wall, a small mirrored vanity, and against the side wall, a velvet covered pouf for ladies to sit at while they touch-up. The room smells of leather and ylang-ylang and musk, it's all very proper and civilized, and by God do I want to be fucked in this room.

Only the side lamp has been turned on, and that's more than okay by me. Jacobs's skin looks luminous in this light, the lines of his body highlighted by the way the light falls over him. His shoulders are broadened by the shadow, his shirt clinging to his trim torso, his sleeves rolled up, exposing the bulky forearms that I want around me. The light sharpens his jaw line and fills out his lips, and his eyes are darkened, looking at me like I am the embodiment of all his desires and fantasies. He's the embodiment of my desires at least… and I'm on fire from the dark burn.

His lips hit mine suddenly, the movement hard and fast as his weight presses me back against the wall just next to the door. Instantly the warm smoldering wisps that have been smoking all evening ignite into an inferno of lust and hedonistic want. Both of us are all hands and lips and tongues. He's such a good kisser, firm but still giving, hot and moist without any sloppiness at all. And by God, that tongue. It flicks over mine and we both moan, our voices reverberating into each other's pharynx.

My fingers are fumbling with his belt, it's one of those roller types that need to be pushed before pulled, he distractedly twitches my fingers away, simply unzipping his fly and releasing the beast with the belt still fastened.

The split in this dress gives his hands easy access and my legs, easy purchase too. In a matter of seconds, he's hoisted me up, strong dark hands fanning over my bare backside as he pushes the dress higher and my legs wind around at his middle. I can feel the tip of him just pressing and rubbing against my most sensitive parts.

My hands are travelers, exploring all the secret valleys and rises of his musculature. His arms are tensed, hard and thick as he holds me up, his lips and his hips pressing my little body against the wallpaper.

One hand shifts to hold me steadier, as the other glides over my hip, between my legs. "Oh Ness, you're so wet baby."

"It's no wonder. Have you seen yourself tonight?" I'm panting. He takes my breath away. "You're so freakin' hot, _husband_. I've wanted to jump you since the taxi ride to the church."

"Yeah well, I've wanted to fuck you six ways to Sunday since breakfast." His voice is gravely and like a groan as he presses wet kisses down my throat before hoisting me up higher and nuzzling between my chiffon covered breasts.

I let out a little squeal from the sudden jolt, my hands moving from his biceps to the top of his toned, defined shoulders. "What are you waiting for then. Take me before it really is Sunday."

"God you're so fucking amazing Ness," he says, lowering me back down, the tip of his head lining up with my entrance. He lets out a low, drawn out moan of relief as he pushes inside, his warmth and thickness taking over me. Then he starts up an instant and driving rhythm, each thrust pressing me into the gold and black embossed wallpaper, a sharp tap, tap, tap of my shoulder blades with each drive.

All I can do is hold on for the ride. My arms and legs wrap around him as he move inside of me. In and out, each thrust harder and deeper. He's taking everything thing I'm giving. His hard length slides and stimulates my insides, hitting that special spot that gets me most of the way there.

Jake has one hand under my ass, the other diagonally across my back, holding me to him and to the wall as his hips rhythmically jerk. I've wanted this all afternoon… and I'm getting it good… so good.

And errant thought of Bella seeps into my mind. Did they ever fuck like this? I force myself back into the present, into the now, into this room; where Jake, _my_ Jacob is fucking me six ways to Sunday, and it feels extraordinary. Who cares what the past held, what matters is the here and now. And this present I'm living is a gift from the gods.

"I love you" I pant, tilting my hips so his pubic bone slams into my clit. "Yes," I hiss, "Right there!"

I can feel it building, that tinging in the legs that spreads up my entirety and surges on. I can feel that miraculous lengthening and widening as Jake gets closer too. We're both sweating, his hands still firmly gripping me, holding me up as he kisses me hard. "Love you Ness, god you're so beautiful," he whispers, kissing softly in the shell of my ear, sending a tremor of fine sensuous bumps over me. "Beautiful, beautiful _wife_."

Thrust for thrust I meet him, holding myself up as to not tire his arms, each movement building and building. Nothing but the muted sounds of the party down the corridor; the tap, tap, tap of my shoulders against the wall; the heavy heated pants of our mingled breaths; and, finally, two long moans of climax, one baritone, one soprano, as we both fall apart at the seams, losing all concept of time and space. Jake cums long and deep inside of me, extending my orgasm by his intensity. Eventually we still, my arms and legs still wrapped around him, our hearts hammering against each other's chests, and lips brushing against skin as we catch breath.

"Love you," he pants.

"Oh yes. I can tell," I puff back. "I love you to, my magnificent man," I say, pulling my face back to look at him. He looks dazed and happy and sated. A man well loved.

I lean in, kissing him. A long, steady, closed mouth kiss that is just soft lips against soft lips. A reaffirmation of love under all the lust. We never lose focus of that.

"Are your arms sore?" I ask shifting my legs around him, causing us both to tremble a little from the sensation between our legs where we're still fused.

"Never," he mumbles against my hair. "You're so light I don't even notice."

"Bull shit," I laugh softly into his ear. I may be only 100 pounds but it's still a lot to hold.

"No, honestly Ness," he smirks, that bright white perfectly, perfect smile making me wet all over again. "I think I'm going to fuck you like this a lot more often. I like being able to hold you up like this." He thrusts into me one last time to prove his point. Then he bends down, kissing the cleavage between my still covered breasts.

"Mmmmm," I moan, arching my back, pressing my chest into his lips, "I don't mind this angle either."

"Yes baby, I'm going to fuck you standing up far more often from now on," he says, gently withdrawing for me and placing me on my feet. Then, fishing my panties from his pocket and dangling them high above me where I'll never reach them, he says, looking the full foot down at me, "I declare this tribal marriage officially consummated."

* * *

Billy is sitting at the table, talking with my father as we walk back into the reception room. My hair is finger brushed back into place, my panties back on but now a little damp in the aftermath of our violent yet sensual _consummation_.

"How ya feeling old man?" Jake says, clasping him on the shoulder as we sit.

"Good actually. A little tired, but I'll be okay for another hour." He does look okay, I'm glad he had that nap before we came here.

"Well, just say when you've had enough. We'll take you up stairs."

He nods, smiling and reaching for his coffee, the table is littered with half empty glasses. Seth knocked his glass over during the entrée and there's a dark pink stain on the starched white linen. We all have a little tulle bag of sugared almonds as Bomboniere in front of us, everyone with a glass set candle, colored and scented with lilac as a gift. The table setting is a shambled mess from how it looked when we first sat down, the sign of a meal and celebration well received.

My dad pours himself another wine, sitting back with his leg crossed on his knee, "So I was thinking we'd get the 2 pm train, give us all some time to recover from the late night," he says sipping the clean crisp white.

I look at Jake, making sure he's okay with that. He nods amicably. "We're going to see the statue in the morning, get the ferry. We should be done by lunch if we don't sleep in too long."

We want to squeeze in as much as we can in the short two day visit. Jake and I are going to go for a sightseeing walk later on too; via Times square and Broadway on our way to the Empire State before it closes, see the city with the lights ablaze. The city that never sleeps. I'm certainly not going to sleep much tonight, seizing this opportunity with both hands. My beautiful perfect man holding them fast too.

Dad nods, putting his wineglass on the table again. "So Jake, Nessie tells me you won a Gates scholarship."

"Yes sir." I can see the little blush of pride under his tanned skin. It makes me so happy to see him finally taking the recondition of his brilliance with such grace. As I said, I believe grace is the outward expression of the inner harmony of the soul. I can't explain how happy that notion, associated with Jacob, makes me feel.

"None of this _sir _business, it's Tony, for the hundredth time, son. Just Tony," dad laughs. Jake nods, chuckling a little in consonance as well. "I wanted you to know how happy both Marie and I are that you've taken it. It's an extraordinary honor Jacob, and we're both so happy you're well enough, and brave enough, to take it."

I can see the color on Jake's cheeks brighten further under my father's praise, "well it's all a lot easier knowing Nessie will be there with me." His hand leaves the bare skin of my thigh to hold my hand, he laces his finger through mine and squeezes. I squeeze him back, letting him know that I echo my father's sentiments exactly.

Dad turns to Billy then, "And Billy, you've got your daughter coming to live with you? That must be good. I know how much we miss Ness being at home with us, there's something about fathers and their daughters hey?"

"Yeah Tony, it'll be good having one of my girls home. Rachel's not quite as easy as Nessie here though. You got a special daughter there buddy, a special daughter. I'm gunna miss them both," he says, looking to both Jake and I. That revelation hits me, I hadn't expected Billy to miss me next year. I guess I am over there most days. Yeah, I'm going to miss him too.

"And you must be just chuffed that Jake's done so well."

Billy looks at Jacob, putting his coffee back on the table and leaning over to him. His hand rests on Jacobs's cheek, the other slowly coming up to clasp other side. "Yes," he says, his eyes shimmering "yes, this boy of mine is the pride of my life. I'm so proud of you Jake, never forget that. This old man is just bursting with pride. You're gunna do some extraordinary things. Feats of engineering like the ones that built the pyramids or the Pantheon of Rome."

Billy's been watching a TV show on the world's ancient buildings lately. My dad and I meet eyes over the table, we all know that's not the type of engineering Jake is going to study, but there's no need to bring it up and burst the warm bubble forming between father and son. I'm happy Jake's father can show him his love and support. "You are extraordinary, my son," Billy states.

"Dad," Jake whispers, uncomfortable in his father's praise and yet relishing it at the same time. He lets go of my hand and lifts up off the chair, taking his father in to a giant, loving embrace. A much as Jake jokes about being sick of caring for him, and having interrupted sex and what not, he's still a little anxious about the separation, it's hard for him to accept that we're really going to be on the other side of the continent from him… his only parent.

Jacob has his face buried in his father shoulder, I can hear his mutterings of "love you too, dad," before they pull away. I meet my father's eye over them both again and we share a smile. I love my father. I love both my parents, but I've always been very independent, very self-regulating. I don't have that dependency on them like Jake and Billy have.

"Love you daddy," I mouth, kissing my palm and bowing a kiss over the table to him. My dad catches it and slaps it on his cheek. I miss his antics.

* * *

…

* * *

I take the empty blizzard cup from his hands as he drives. We stopped for a late dinner in Port Angeles at where else but Dairy Queen. We've decided to still create the new tradition of stopping off here on our way back home. Only we've come home via Seattle from Boston. Not _just_ Seattle like I thought when I suggested this tradition a little over a month ago.

The day we spent with my dad in Cambridge was very value added. We've both been able to cement our places in the houses of our choosing. Jake's is co-ed, so sleepovers will be easy for me. Not sure how I feel about him sharing accommodations with several dozen girls who will be all fawning over his amazingness. But like he says, to be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. The best proof of love is trust. And by god do I love this perfectly flawed man driving the little red VW up the Pacific highway. I love him and therefore, I trust.

Aunty E and Uncle C are still in New York so I'm going to just stay at Jake's tonight. I'll go home and get fresh clothes before school in the morning. It's late when we turn onto La Push Road. It's approaching midnight, the feeling of home and safety washes over me and I can feel Jake relax as we approach the land of his people. His home. The place that I'm beginning to consider my home too.

We turn onto the signed reservation streets, rows of small, quaint, sleep-darkened houses slowly flicking by. It's quiet out here on the Res, calm and peaceful. I could really learn to love it here. The tranquility and stillness of the night is interrupted though, by a silent red and blue flash of an ambulance beacon reflecting off the street signs and windows of the slumbering houses. Jake turns down the radio, the sound of the big F truck diesel roaring as it over takes us at break-neck speed.

It turns down his street.

"Fuck!" Jake exclaims, his foot hitting the floor as he accelerates down the street. I can feel the anxiety and tension rolling off him. When we turn, we can see several lights flashing, several neighbors huddled around in dressing gowns, hovering in the front yard.

There are two ambulances parked on the street and a police cruiser parked haphazardly across the driveway. So, too, is Sue Clearwater's little blue Ford Focus. I feel the dread in the pit of my stomach. I have a hollowed out empty feeling as I fight the sense of hopelessness that starts welling up inside me. The only good reason I can think of for this many people and cars to be in the Black's front lawn is that something very bad is happening. Something very bad indeed.

Jake brings the car to a screeching halt, skidding on the gravel in the gutter. He's out of his seat before the car has come to a complete stop. Leaving the door wide open and the car still in drive, he runs over to the crowd. I pull on the park break and reach over, killing the engine before getting out.

I see it all in slow motion: Jacob screaming a horse, broken cry; his hands pulling at his hair as he collapses on the grass several feet from where four Paramedics are kneeling around the man. Billy's shirt is cut open, his hands splayed out lifelessly either side like a man on a cross. A tube is down his throat, tied on with creamy bias the same color as his waxen, sickly skin as they squeeze oxygen into his lungs. His eyes have remained hauntingly open but void and absent of any consciousness. There are wires running up, attached to two large flesh colored rectangles stuck to his chest, there is a medic rhythmically pressing two linked heals of hands into his sternum. The shrill whoop of the defibrillator winding up as it charges cuts the air. Someone calls "stand clear" as the beeping machine delivers his body a shock. His limbs jerk unnaturally before landing limp and lifeless again by his side.

The lurching flicks a switch in me, my legs finding the fuel to move, and I run to Jacob. I fall hard on to my knees as I skid to his side. My arms fling around him from the side, holding him tight and willing him to hold together.

"Dad," he cries as the paramedic starts compressing on his chest again. Looking up and meeting our eye, I recognize him, he's the one who was at the house back in February, unlike that time, his eyes don't reassure and hearten; tonight he has a bleak, doomed look in his eye.

"Billy."

…

* * *

**Yes. That **_**did**_** just happen.**

**Happy Easter? (Insert sideways look and a shoulder shrug to the ear.)**

**Thanks Aretee for the Beta.**

**I have a link to a picture of the red dress Ness is wearing on my profile page if anyone cares.**

**:-) MarinaNamaste**


	52. Chapter 52 - One Last Supper

_**Last time on P &amp; C's…**_

**(Ness PoV)**

**I see it all in slow motion: Jacob screaming a horse, broken cry; his hands pulling at his hair as he collapses on the grass several feet from where four Paramedics are kneeling around the man. Billy's shirt is cut open, his hands splayed out lifelessly either side like a man on a cross. A tube is down his throat, tied on with creamy bias the same color as his waxen, sickly skin as they squeeze oxygen into his lungs. His eyes have remained hauntingly open but void and absent of any consciousness. There are wires running up, attached to two large flesh colored rectangles stuck to his chest, there is a medic rhythmically pressing two linked heals of hands into his sternum. The shrill whoop of the defibrillator winding up as it charges cuts the air. Someone calls "stand clear" as the beeping machine delivers his body a shock. His limbs jerk unnaturally before landing limp and lifeless again by his side.**

**The lurching flicks a switch in me, my legs finding the fuel to move, and I run to Jacob. I fall hard on to my knees as I skid to his side. My arms fling around him from the side, holding him tight and willing him to hold together.**

"**Dad," he cries as the paramedic starts compressing on his chest again. Looking up and meeting our eye, I recognize him, he's the one who was at the house back in February, unlike that time, his eyes don't reassure and hearten; tonight he has a bleak, doomed look in his eye.**

"**Billy."**

* * *

_**I'm going to put a disclaimer right here before you guys read this chapter. For the record it's really hard to find out about specific Quileute burial customs using just online resources. So I decided to take little snippets of other tribes I researched and have mashed it all together. I hope no one finds it disrespectful and or is affronted. I give my upmost respect to the Quileute Nation and for that matter, to all communities around the globe. For anyone who's lost a love one, how we celebrate their life is a personal one, no one way is right.**_

* * *

**-Thank you Leslie, for editing this chapter for me. It's been a tough week for you. I hope you're a little happier after finding yourself in this chap. You're a great educator, and mentor.**

**-Love the house S. Loved the letters more!**

* * *

**Chapter 52 – One Last Supper **

**(Jake PoV****)**

"Eat this," she says shoving a plate of cornbread under my nose and putting glass of orange juice on my bedside table.

"I don't want to," I say. I sound like a petulant eight year old, I guess that's because I feel like I'm right back to that same day when I was eight years old, only it was dad making me eat back then. He's not here to do that today.

"I don't care, it's gunna be long day Jacob, you've got to eat something."

"Fine," I say taking the plate and taking a bite of the bread. It's Aunty Sues. I know, because she always adds bacon to hers.

He's been gone for five days and the freezer is full of lasagna and casserole again. I'm sick of fucking lasagna. Becca and Solomon got in on Thursday, Soli eats more than me, so at least it's going to good use.

The body was released from the county coroner yesterday, and in about half an hour the entire reservation and half of Forks will be converging on the Community Center; the center my dad lobbied to build back in the day.

I don't want to go.

"Here," she says, lowering down on to her hands and knees at my bare feet, moving my good shoes closer and unrolling my black socks. "We don't want to be late, you've got to finish getting dressed." She's quiet and I can tell she's walking on egg shells around me, waiting for me to psych-out on her. I'm not gunna. I'm sad as shit, but it's not depression. Dr. Carmen's has me calling him every morning. I've not bothered today. I'd say I'll need the chat _after, _more than I do now.

"Don't Ness, I can put my own shoes on," I say tenderly as my finger reaches out and tucks a stray curl behind her ear.

"Okay," she says unraveling and standing gracefully to her feet. She's dressed in a plain black wrap around dress, her messy hair piled recklessly up on top of her head. She looks up at me, her eyes are puffy and tired — like mine. With a sigh she sits down on the bed next to me. The mattress sinks in as she leans her shoulder against me. My arm winds around her automatically, both of us holding each other together.

The house is quiet, I can hear the twins talking in the bathroom as they get dressed. There must be someone else here too, I can hear the soft clinking of dishes in the sink as someone does my chores for me. Inside the shelter of my bedroom, there's nothing but the sound of our breathing, Nessie's occasional sniffle, and the nothingness of his ghost.

"I don't want to go," I say after a few minutes of silence.

"You don't have to Jake. No one's going to make you. I'd like to go, but… but I won't if you're not going to." I can feel her eyes on me, I just stare at the AP Biology and Math text books piled up on my desk. All the AP exams were done and dusted the week before last, before we flew out to New York. At least I don't have to worry about studying for a few months. "I think your sisters would like you to go. And to be honest sweetheart," her warm tiny fingers cupping the side of my cheek, "I think you'd regret not going in years to come."

A single tear escapes my eye, and I let if fall off my cheek onto the same black pants I was wearing this time one week ago at the wedding. What a difference a week can make.

I suck in a sharp breath, filling my chest and using it to inflate my otherwise deflated and withered insides. "I know, I know, I'm gunna go. I just don't want to, you know? It's like it's gunna be real now. Not some kind of mix up or one big joke he's played on me."

She makes a sobbing squeak as she buries her face into my chest, her little hands gripping around my ribs hard. "I know. I know," her voice is muffled by my shirt, "I don't want it to be real either." Both of my arms hold her, my face pressing into the grounding sent of her hair as she cries.

It gives me strength to know she trusts me—or more so, she trusts my _sanity_ enough to show me her own grief.

When she's done sluicing her tears, she sits back, wiping her eyes on the corner of my motorbike pillow case. "Okay," she announces, nodding to herself and setting a steadying breath through pursed lips. "That's me done for now. I'm here now, for you." Each phrase a shaking breath, she's determined to be strong for me. I'm determined to be strong for her. We'll be each other's strength.

* * *

The community center is buzzing when we walk in. Only Tribal members could go to the burial ceremony, but Aunty Sue organized it with the elders so that Ness and Charlie could go too. I wouldn't have accepted anything less.

Everyone from school is here, as well as some Hoh elders, and lots of Makah, even some town folk from Forks that I only know by sight have come to pay their respects. My father's influence was far reaching.

There is a huge potluck of food spread out around a half dozen tables. I see Mrs. Cullen's cinnamon buns stacked high in a basket. I take one of those as I dodge the crowd, pulling Ness along with me as I head for a quiet corner. There're no chairs left, so I just sit on the polished floor against the wall, pulling Ness into my lap. I kind of just want to hide away. I don't want to do any small talk crap, I'm over everyone expressing their sympathy. I get it, they feel bad for me and my sisters. I don't want to talk to anyone today though.

Quil and Embry find us though, and they sit sentry either side of us. They don't talk. They're just playing defense for their QB.

My plan for solitude in a dark corner fails. Before long Jarred and Kim are down on the floor with us, Seth coming over with Leah and Sam too.

Lee-lee picked Rachel up from the airport and the three of them drove up from Seattle on Tuesday. She's been really good this week. "Love you J," she whispers, leaning in and kissing the top of my head before going to sit down next to her brother. They're all hurting, they're all reliving their own losses too.

* * *

After a while of just hiding behind Nessie's curls, eating my cinnamon bun and ignoring everyone around me like a hermit, I lift my eyes, scanning the room to see who's come to the lamenting circus. Wow, Mr. Banner is here, so too is Mrs. Fuller and Miss Richie, they're talking to some of my friends from school. Paul Lahote and his dad, Roy, are over by the food. I can see Nessie's mom and dad, they flew in yesterday. Marie waves at me and I give her a comfortable, informal single hand lift. She doesn't make to come over, they don't need to talk to me today; they came over to see me and Ness at the house yesterday.

You can tell they've been around entire communities who have been affected by death and tragedy, their words of condolence and commiseration weren't as bemused and awkward as some others. There were no dirty coffee cups left, no lasagna for the freezer after their visit, just open arms and support. Marie is going to help my sisters and I sort through the minefield of dad's absent Will in a few days, when the dust settles, literally. I'm touched that they came all the way from the Middle East for me. They were actually the very people I needed. Nessie's parents. If she's my tribal mate, then they're my parents too.

I keep scanning the room, it's mostly tribe stuffing their guts; small clusters of people talking quietly. Oh… I see just over Carlisle's shoulder, Bella, she's talking to Aunty Sue. Bella… is here. I didn't know she was coming. As one of my oldest friends, and nothing more, I'm overwhelmed that she's cut off her honeymoon to come home. This means more to me than I'd realized. I guess dad was a big part of her life once, kind of how her father was—and still is— to me. I watch as Rachel comes up to her, and they hug. I forget how close they were when we were little. Rach is crying, and I feel like a perv watching her open grief but for some reason it helps me hold my shit together.

Then suddenly she's releasing Bella, turning and flinging herself in to Paul Lahote's arms.

What. The. Fuck?

He's holding her without restraint, like a man who has held this woman—my _sister_—before today. Suddenly, I'm very interested in mingling with the crowd.

"Jake?" Ness asks as I scoot her off my lap and stand up.

"Hang on Ness," I don't look down at her, only to the fucker who's holding my sister like he's fucked her. That fucker and me just can't get off this love-hate roundabout.

In six quick strides I'm over to them, pulling Rachel off his chest, my hands balled up to his collar. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I hiss, my words quiet and cold. "Off limits Paul. Off Limits."

"Whoa Jake, chill man. Let's just talk outside," he says, looking over to Rachel who is standing dead still at our sides, halfway between us. Not taking his side, or mine. Typical.

"Don't fucking look at her!" I ground out through clenched teeth, and his is eyes flick back to mine. They're not angry, they're not scared, they're not even smug. Paul fucking Lahote looks at me with amenability and kindness, and it damn well takes the wind right out of my sails. I let go of his collar with a shove and a flick of fingers. Rachel steps over to him, her hand smoothing over his chest, whispering something that has him nodding in reply.

"Jake!" Ness is next to me now, holding my hand as a symbol of solidarity and I'm guessing to also keep my right hook captive. "What are you doing?"

I look around to see most of the crowd watching the _almost_ altercation. "Can we go outside for a minute?" Rachel asks, nodding with her chin to the side door held half ajar with a chair.

"This should be good," I say sullenly, pulling Ness outside with me, my sister and her eighteen year old _lover_ in tow.

When we get around the corner of the brick building I spin on my heels. "What the hell Paul? You're supposed to be my friend. Not FUCKING my sister!"

"Jake!" Rachel shouts.

"Jesus, Black, it's not like that. Fucking calm down, okay?"

"Then what the fuck _is_ it like _Lahote?"_

Rachel steps up between us, her hands on my shoulders shaking me until I lock eyes with her. Her eyes are the same as dads. "Firstly Jacob, I want to wallop your ass for being such an asshole at dad's wake. His freakin' _wake_ Jacob! Couldn't you wait until we got home to get into this shit?" she doesn't wait for an answer just blowing through with her diatribe. "And secondly, it's none of your freakin' business who I _am _or who I am _not_, involved with."

"Bullshit it's not my business."

"No, it's not. Yeah, sure, you have a vested interest in my wellbeing Jacob, but when you pull shit this this, is it no wonder I didn't want to tell you?"

"But come on Rach?" I say stepping back and tilting my head in disbelief, "_Paul? _He's a man-whoring, womanizing, player Rach, don't you know anything?"

My sister steps up to me, a hard pointed finger into my face, "It's _you_ who don't know anything Jake," her eyes blazing and angry, defensive against the labels.

Paul comes up to her, a soft hand around her waist a whispered hush into her ear, "Come on babe, it's okay. It's nothing I don't deserve."

"No baby," she says back to him. Their intimacy and trust is apparent. I feel the floor being tugged out from underneath me. "Jacob, whatever you think of this man," she starts, a gentle hand brushing down his arm, from his shoulder to his hand before they link fingers, "is mistaken and just down right _wrong_.

" He's been so supportive over this last few months. He held me up when dad was having that heart attack over Christmas; he kept me in the loop when you were sick, and he's been amazing this last week. I couldn't have been here today, talking to people and keeping my shit together if I didn't have Paul."

I realize that, that's how I feel about Ness, and everything she is to me. She loves him like I love her.

Then, as if on cue, her little arms wraps around my middle and she tucks her head under my arm as I hold her to me. My mini pillar of strength.

"How long?" I ask after a moment to gather my thoughts. How long have they been sneaking around? Did dad know? I bet Rebecca knows.

Paul straightens, unlinking with her hand, instead wrapping his arm around her, a light brown hand curling over her hip. It's intimate and gently possessing. "Two years Jacob."

"What?!" We were only juniors then!

"It's been on an off for two years, over summers and spring breaks and shit, but there's no _off_ times anymore," says Paul, his conviction apparent.

Rachel catches my eye again and in that moment, I know that dad knew. "Remember how I worked at the Coffee shop in the summers I came home?" I nod. Enough said, I know Paul works there, too. "And then this Christmas it changed Jake. We love each other."

"That's why you were coming home? Not for me or Dad, but for _him?" _we can all hear the hurt and resentment in my voice.

"No," she cries, shocked and injured by my statement. "Paul's going to Boise State to study law enforcement in the fall, he won't even be here. I was coming home to be with our father, to make the most of what little time I had left. I never realized _what_ little time, we had Jakey. And I was coming home, you _turd_, to give my little brother the chance to take the world on with both hands," two fists rising up in front of her to illustrate. "To give him the wings he needs so that he can _soar_."

She shifts out from Paul arms and steps into mine. My big, littler than me sister wrapping arms around my chest. "When Ness phoned and told me about the scholarship I knew, straight away, what I had to do. There was no way I was letting you get out of that one by pulling the; '_my dad's disabled'_ card."

I look over to Ness to see a guilty, lopsided grin on her face as it colors a deep pink. "You called Rachel?" I ask her, a little bit of irritation in my tone. But Ness knows it's more _show_ than anything else. I love her too much to get hooked up on things that are done and dusted. I've leant that much this year.

"Only to give her an update on your dad after he had that angina scare. I was worried about you, and yes, it might have come up in conversation."

I just sigh, giving my sister a deeper hug. I don't care about any of it really. Rach and Lahote just threw me. I'm pretty sure anger is one of the stages of grieving and Paul's arm around my sister was a pretty good trigger.

"Don't be mad at Ness, Jake. Dad told me about it, too. I couldn't make a decision if I didn't have all information though, right? Not that any of this matters anymore," she adds quietly, her nose pressing into my shoulder, a shudder of grief rolling through her.

No. None of it matters anymore.

"Oh Rach," I whisper, holding one out of the only two family members I have left. "It's just us now, they're both gone."

The side door to the community center opens and Bec and Solomon step out. Both of them look over to the scene we must be setting before them. Then next thing I know, Rebecca has her arms wrapping around Rachel and me in an orphan embrace. And the three of us stand in our huddle, silent tears shared between us. Holding each other up. No matter the distance, no matter the arguments, we're still family. We will always be family, the difference now, is that…. now… now we're orphans.

* * *

…

* * *

It's been a long ass day. I think I have been condoled and hugged by every single person in that building. So finally, after cleaning up the hall, and with each of us a bag full of leftovers in hand, we walk back to the house. Ness and me hand in hand, Soli and Bec behind us. Rachel is going to stay at Paul's tonight. I kind of wish Rebecca would stay somewhere else too. I just want to be alone with Ness in my grief.

The house is quiet when we get in, the ghost of both my parents now haunting the walls. We're all too exhausted to bother with dinner. I have no appetite anyway. So after Soli makes himself a protein shake, and the rest of us have a restorative coffee, we all plop down on the couch in time for the six o'clock news.

Dad's empty recliner is sitting hauntingly vacant in the corner. I understand now why my sisters found the house so hard to be in after Mom died, there are so many reminders everywhere. Just random little things; his reading glasses on the coffee table, his basket of medications in the counter, his washing mixed in with mine in the drier. He's gone… he's really gone.

It's barely nine when I stand up, "I'm going to bed," I say to everyone and Ness goes to get up too. I wave her off, giving her hand a warm squeeze. "You don't have to Ness, keep watching the movie." There is only so much Julia Roberts I can tolerate tonight.

She just looks at me with soft eyes, a slight shake of her head, she's not gunna leave me alone with my grief. I don't put up any sort of fight, I'm glad she staying by my side. "It's fine. I've seen this movie a hundred times," she smiles.

So with a quick good night to my sister and her bottomless pit, eating-machine, surfer-dude husband, we make our way down the hall.

* * *

"Let's have a shower," she says, briefly taking my hand as we enter my room. She bends to pick up some of the clothes lying on the bed and across my chair. "It'll make us feel better, wash away some of the sorrow."

Ness grabs the night clothes that she'd tucked under our pillows this morning and I follow her back down the hall to the bathroom. I pause for a moment, Dad's bedroom door is half ajar and I quietly latch it shut. With the door closed, I can pretend he wasn't watching TV with us tonight because he'd just already gone to bed. And it's not because he's dead.

But he is; we buried him today.

He's lying next to my mom.

The sound of the water being turned on draws my eyes from the closed door. Ness is leaning into the shower, testing the water. She's pulling her hair out of its top notch, letting the messy curls fall over her shoulders. I step into the tiled room, dad's shower chair is sitting in the corner; it's been moved out of the way, waiting for permanent relocation. His toothbrush is still in the cup next to the sink, his comb and a hair elastic on the counter too. I think I might start to clean out his stuff tomorrow. Not his bedroom, just the things in the rest of the house. It's too hard to be reminded every time I turn around.

Ness catches my eyes in the mirror. She's standing behind me, undoing the wraparound tie on her dress. She looked really pretty today, even when she's not ever trying to she's still the most beautiful girl in a room. "Come on baby, help me wash this mess," she says lifting up and dropping a clump of twisted curls.

I turn around, meeting her eyes in the flesh, my hand finding the edge of her dress where it sits on her hips. "I love you. Thank you for being so good today," I say, pulling her against my chest, breathing in that cherry and cinnamon scent that is my Ness. "Funerals suck," my voice is muffled by her curls, and by the tears struggling to escape.

We just stand holding one another, the steam filling up the small tiled room as the hot water blasts in the corner. It a weird feeling, this mixture of contentment and happiness overshadowing my grief and sadness. Instead of being happy with Ness in my arms and then plummeting when I remember Dad's gone, I'm sad about Dad being gone and then I remember Ness is in my arms and I'm lifted. She lifts me up.

I undress, slipping into the heat. The steady drum of the water is relaxing on my skin. I stand, with eyes closed, just letting the constant rhythm of the water melt some of the tension away. Ness joins me, winding under me, sharing the soothing spray. Her little arms curl around my back as we stand, embraced under the water.

Today is Saturday, tomorrow will be mostly about cleaning up, entertaining more visitors, wrapping our heads around the reality that life goes on. Then it's going to be Monday and school will be back. We have three more weeks of school before graduation. I want to go to school on Monday. I need the normalcy of those school halls, of the guys just being dicks, of Ness and me riding in my car, just hanging out at lunch. I need to _not_ be surrounded by his death.

I hold Nessie a little tighter, her boobs squishing like soft balls of marshmallow against my ribs. Even after all this time, I still can't get over how tiny she is, how easily I wrap my arms around her little body. Her beautiful little body. Her hands are splayed across my back, her little fingers tickling up and down my spine. Just one of my hands cover most of her back, the other covers most of her ass. I open my eyes and watch my hands as they move over her skin, creamy and soft, curving in and out with a feminine swell.

I reach to get the soap and I can see hanging on the caddy, a pine green bottle of Dad's shower gel. It's the only one on the shelf, so I grab it, squirt some in my hand and lather her body up. But that smell, it's the same as his cologne. Why did I use it? I make a garbled broken kind of cry, turning the spray and hurriedly turning Ness to rinse the scented foam off her. It's too much.

"What's wrong?" she asks, a gently hand cupping over my jaw. "Jake, talk to me,"

"It's just the smell, its' too much."

I want to fight the tears. I have none left, but more so, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of feeling the pain. I sick of being reminded. I want to feel happy again.

Ness just nods, she understands. She always just _understands_ me. "Help me," she says quietly, reaching up to her shampoo and lathering up her hair. A new smell takes over the steamy cubicle. I love it so much, it takes me back to memories of secretly watching her, longing for her from the side lines, converting her body from afar. That smell… it's that rich, earthy, ambry, musk of her shampoo. That smell makes everything okay. And it also switches on that lustful switch in me.

I pull her backward, pressing her back against my chest, her arms are up, her fingers tangled around her scalp as she washes. I look over her shoulder, down her front where thin white bubbled lines of soap slowly meander down her skin. I watch as they slowly travel over the wave of her collar bone, splitting and traveling between her breasts and over one, pooling at the peak of her rise and slowly dripping over the tip of her nipples. Holy shit, that's a beautiful sight.

The Big Chief is enjoying the soap too, we shift so that her head is under the spray and the suds run down her back and over her ass, soaping up The Chief where he's pressed hard against her spine as well.

I feel the loss of contact as she reaches for the conditioner. "Help me," she says again over her shoulder, ignoring the errection that sprung up between us, intent on getting her hair detangled and conditioned.

She holds out the tall bottle, waiting for me to hold out my hand, so I do, a big dollop of the thick creamy stuff in my palm. Her hair has grown a lot in the last few months. It's wet and heavy like this reaching down to her lower back. Starting from the tips, I begin to methodically rub the treatment into her locks.

When I'm done, she turns, sliding her body against mine. Standing on one leg, she wraps the other a little around mine. Her hands, slippery form the conditioner, rub over my chest, massaging my shoulders and neck before winding around my back and drawing a long firm stroke down my spine until her little hands circle my butt. She aches her back, pressing her stomach in to my hard on as she look up at me. I'm trapped by the hazelnut eyes look up at me, sunbursts of gold lining the brown, like the beautiful inner light of her soul is just waiting to explode out for the world to see.

I see it.

"What can I get for you Jake? How can I help you?"

"You Ness. You're all I need."

"Well then, I'm here. Take whatever you need."

She lifts up on to tippy toes, reaching up as I dip down, our lips meeting in the middle. I feel something inside of me shift, that part of my soul that's been missing her closeness and sensuality this week, it shifts to the front to get its nourishment. We've not been apart for more than a few minutes these last few days. Ness has been my support and the creator of the very air I breathe, but we've not been _together_ since the drive home from Seattle. It's good to be home again.

There is a long craving to our kisses. Like we're both savoring the feel of each other lips, her softness molding against mine. Pliable and warm, like a succulent piece of fruit, juicy and sweet. They're cherry lips.

My hands are exploring her plains; breasts and nipples tight and puckering under gently pinching fingers. My fingers slide with the water, down her petite yet strong back, until they wrap around her round little tight ass, compact and firm, but still soft and silky under my hands.

Her hands are mirroring mine, kneading and exploring, getting her fill of the gun show wrapped around her. Then her hands move to my front, circling thumbs flick of my nipples, it feels so good with the slippery conditioner. Then her fingers move further down, the tips of her nails lightly scratching over my abs, and down further. My dick is pointing straight up between us, her hands find it easily, gripping firmly and setting in to slow leisurely stroke while our mouths still keep working in sync.

With the wet water rippling down the small of her back and over her ass, my fingers follow the stream, curving over and between her cheeks, testing the lower edges of her slick. She's so wet already. A finger circles the elongated slit, the fringes are soft and defined as she tilts her pelvis and lifts her leg up in a silent plea for more. I reach around her, curling fingers up, one inside her as the other travels up her front, sliding between her outer lips until her little nub is underneath the pad of my finger. I circle it, flicking it back and forth and am rewarded by a harder grip on my hard and straining dick, a needy moan into my mouth, followed by a hot little tongue playing with mine.

My god she's sexy.

Her hand speeds up, a much faster incessant beat along my length. She pulls back to access all of me, but I can't reach her easily like this, and my finger slides out of her warmth. Doesn't matter though, she breaks off out kiss, watching me with heated eyes only inches from mine. Her hands leave my dick and wrap around my neck as she plants one foot steadily on the tiled floor and slowly raises one leg. Up it goes, at first her knee is bent, somewhere near her shoulder, and then she goes and straightens it so that she is doing the splits standing up. I'm suddenly reminded of the August page of my special calendar.

Spectacular.

"Lift me up" she whispers, her arms still draped around my neck, her lips only just brushing mine as we share breath. I lift her, my hands finding purchase on her incredible ass, hoisting her up until we're eye level, other _things_ are more level now too. The tip of my dick dragging over her tummy and then slipping under her in a sharp flick as I lift her higher.

"I love you," she whispers, the sound of the water pelting over us the only other sound in the tiny room. She's leaning her forearms on my shoulders to help keep her up and then she bends her knee, holding it over my shoulder and just letting her other foot dangle beneath.

Suspended on my frame I have her at my will, and my will is wanting to fill her up. With a little maneuvering, the head of my dick lines up with her slick that is stretched tight in this split position she's in. In a long smooth motion I'm inside her tight, wet heat. Both of us let out a groan of relief— it's been too many days. Our lips meeting once again, working together, open and closed, tongues circling as my hips start thrusting. In and out. My fucking god she's tight like this. My lips trace down her throat, sucking and biting at the soft skin of her neck, a bright, needy love bite emerging on her skin with my intensity.

Today had been one of the worst days of my entire life. This entire week has been shit, tense and angry, shattered and withdrawn; all of it meaning that when the dam wall burst, it's a deluge. With an abandoned rhythm I start, hammering and pushing, hard and fast and deep, so, _so_ deep. It builds and builds, higher and higher, more and more, until the dam wall finally explodes in to a heated, geyser of arrival.

All of my grief; all of my sorrow; all of the constant worry about his health these last few years; my guilt over the relief that the worry was now gone; my sisters and their chosen men; all the reminders of him in this house; the fact that he didn't have a will and I don't know where the hell I'm going to live until I move for college; the kids that will be staring with pitied eyes at me at school on Monday; and last but not least, all of the consuming, heart breaking, overwhelming love I feel for this little woman around me; it is rolled into the one giant, momentous release.

With Ness still hanging on to my shoulders, her knee still hooked over, I hold her close to me as my thrusts slow. My penis is still deep inside her as I hold her body to mine—a lean, toned thigh sandwiched between us as I catch my breath. I place a few soft quick kisses over the angry red bite on her neck. I've never done that before. It must have hurt. The water is still cascading down our bodies, hot and steamy as she pulls her head back a little, soft eyes gazing at me, full of love and… I suppose… _devotion_.

Then it hits me… that was the most selfish sex of my life. No coming together of souls, it was just me taking what I wanted. Maybe it was Ness giving me what I needed. Nessie's always looking after me. I kind of like it.

"I love you," she says, lifting herself up off my still hard dick and flicking her leg around so that she can stand. I lower her down, both hands on her hips.

"Love you too. Sorry that was so fast."

"It doesn't matter baby, sometimes we just need the physical release to give our emotions some breathing space. I don't need the Earth to move to know you are my _world_."

God she's amazing. I'll pay her back tenfold later on.

I take her face with both hands, savoring the smooth softness of her cheek before leaning down and placing a gently kiss on her lips. It's slow and building, hopefully full of the love and utter dedication I feel for this little woman.

We don't say any more. I help Ness wash the conditioner out of her hair, my fingers combing down her dark locks. When she tilts her head back like this, her hair fans against her ass, it's sexy as hell. Sometimes I wish she'd never cut her hair with me that day, I'd love to have seen what her body looked like with hair falling down, longer that her hips. I suppose it probably would just get in the road when we'd be going for it, but I bet it would be sexy as shit to start off with, to see if fall over her ass as she undresses.

* * *

We fall into bed, Nessie's little body tucked up into mine, her head resting on my shoulder, her little hands bunched up under her chin holding tight to my t-shirt. There is no noise in the TV room, Rebecca and Solomon must have gone to bed too. I hear Renesmee's breathing change as she falls asleep, a soft little sigh that transitions into regular, deep, slumbering breaths. But sleep cannot find me. I fight the urge to toss and turn, not wanting to wake her. After at least a good hour, I slip my arm out from under her, laying her on my motorbike pillowcase and tucking her in like a child.

She stirs, lifting her head up, "Jake?"

"Sssh, go back to sleep," I whisper, brushing a gentle hand over her forehead. She's so beautiful.

I don't get an answer, she's back asleep in seconds.

Quietly, I find my jeans hanging on the hook of my wardrobe door, stepping into them as I shuffle through the house. It's been bothering me all day, and I can't go to sleep until I rectify it. I grab the flashlight and an old plastic bag from the kitchen drawer and make my way around the house, filling the bag up with all the things that come to mind.

It's raining, so I throw my anorak on, along with my boots, shove my phone in my pocket, and slip out the front door.

* * *

…

The tribal cemetery is a few miles from my house, north of the township on the western bank of the Quillayute River. It's not that far to walk, but it's pretty messy on the muddy tracks that lead towards the tributary. Once I leave the main street, I head through the well-worn path. All the grass along the bank of the tributary has been stomped down by everyone who came earlier. It's been raining most of the day and the ground is slippery and sticky. With my flashlight I trudge up the embankment, looking over the little field where the bones of most of my ancestors lie in a mix of traditional and Christian effigies. There's a fresh mound a few yards away, the loamy smell of the freshly disturbed earth hits my senses as I get closer.

I hunker down against the rain, pulling my hood up higher over my head and wedging the torch in the sticky soil. There isn't a tombstone up yet, but I know where I am. The wave of goose bumps that erupts on my tacky skin under the damp anorak is proof enough.

It is the tradition of my people to bury the dead with things for them to take with them to the afterlife. Offerings like clothing, mats, foods and in the old times, weapons. Dad got all the bells and whistles. It was touching to see all the things his friends and family added to his coffin. We wrapped him in mom and dad's wedding blanket, so they could have it together. There were little baskets filled with fresh food, some fishing hooks, even a little carved canoe paddle. Everyone goes all native at these things. Like dad is gunna want to canoe around the clouds of heaven— or wherever he is. Just ask Charlie, he loved going out on the river with the V hull with the eighteen horse power outboard, not an old-style paddle in sight.

I'm gunna make sure he actually has the things he likes.

"Hey old man. You stretching your legs up there? Getting used to being fit and healthy and on your own two feet again?" I say to the pile of dirt. I hope, wherever he is, he's a least able to walk.

"How's all the salmon everyone put in there? I brought you this to wash it down with," I say, rummaging through the loaded shopping bag, pulling out the last Rainer I found stashed in the back of the fridge. "And some desert," I squish the little plastic covered package of chocolate Moon Pie into the dirt next to the can of beer.

I brought a few more things: his reading glasses, his subscription copy of Sports Illustrated that came this week, a hair tie in case he loses the leather tie my sisters braided into his long hair, and his tooth brush. Dad was always a stickler for oral hygiene.

"One last supper" I say, pulling a can of warm soda and another packet of the marshmallow sandwich out of the plastic bag and tearing it open. "Cheers dad," I say, holding out the pie, saluting and cracking the can of drink as I sit my ass down in the wet mud a share a meal with my father for the last time.

We chat, well… I chat, and I hope he listens—where ever he is. I've promised I'm going to look after the girls for him, and Ness. I tell him about all the things I saw in Cambridge last week. About the dorms I'm booked into, about the classes I want to take at MIT. I promise him I'm not gunna fall into the fog again, at least I'm gunna try my hardest and if I feel it creeping I promise dad I'm gunna let Dr. C know right away. I let him in on few of my secrets. He also now knows what I want to do to certain parts of Nessie's body when I get back home.

I'm stiff and sore when I finally decide to say goodbye. It's cold in the mud, but I'm not cold inside. I feel warmed after coming here. I don't know why I never did this with Mom. Her grave is just to the left of dad's. Hers has a tombstone though. And heaps of fresh flowers on her plot. I stand stepping sideways to Mom. "Sorry I didn't bring you anything Mommy. Next time, I promise."

I notice that my hands are dirty as I wipe some stray tears off my cheeks. It's the dirt of my people's lands.

A wind sweeps up from across the river carrying a cold chill that creeps across my spine just as a melody of wolves howl up behind the forest. I wasn't spooked coming here, but now I am… just a little.

So with a little goodbye, I blow a kiss to my mom and give a half assed, slack fingered salute to Dad before I head back to the river bank. I wash my hands and my face, feeling the restorative chill of the flowing water. The life blood of the land.

I think I'll come visit them more often. I feel re-connected. And mollified now.

* * *

…

* * *

The clock on my bedside table reads 3:56am in large red numerals as I slip in the door, quietly latching it. "Jake?" comes a little sleepy voice from under the covers. "Where have you been?"

"Sorry Ness, I just had to do something." I slip my damp and muddy jeans off, dumping them by the bed, my wet t-shirt following before I crawl under the quilt. She's lying on her stomach, on my side of the bed, her crazy ringlets of hair flying out in every direction. My hand slides up her sleep shorts, over the rise of her bottom until they find the little strip of skin were her shirt has started to ride up.

"Oh god, you're freezing!" she quietly squeals with a sleepy sigh.

"You're _warm_," I say with a husky need in my voice. My cool lips pressing the soft scoop of skin peaking between her throat and the now dry mass of curls falling around her shoulders. My lips press softly over the red mark I left on her skin in my frenzied need hours ago. "I love you," I whisper, my eyes are leaking again and I sniffle it all back.

She turns over, facing me, our eyes meeting in the darkness of the night. "You okay?"

I nod, a small smile gracing my lips. "Yep," my voice is not much more that a whispered croak. I really am okay though… or at least… I _will_ be. My hand slides under her shirt, warm nipples contracting from my rain-cooled fingers. I kiss up her throat, a small trail of love over her face until our lips meet briefly. Her hands have wound through my drizzle wet hair, holding me captive in her honey love. I lean over her, one hand massaging and teasing her breast, the other braced by her shoulder, just hovering over her body, our lips only a breath apart.

"Let me make love to you."

"Jake."


	53. Chapter 53 - Graduate to the Top

**Last time on P &amp; C's...**

"**Hey**** old man. You stretching your legs up there? Getting used to being fit and healthy and on your own two feet again?" I say to the pile of dirt. I hope, wherever he is, he's a least able to walk. **

**"How's all the salmon everyone put in there? I brought you this to wash it down with," I say, rummaging through the loaded shopping bag, pulling out the last Rainer I found stashed in the back of the fridge. "And some desert," I squish the little plastic covered package of chocolate Moon Pie into the dirt next to the can of beer.**

**I brought a few more things: his reading glasses, his subscription copy of Sports Illustrated that came this week, a hair tie in case he loses the leather tie my sisters braided into his long hair, and his tooth brush. Dad was always a stickler for oral hygiene.**

**"One last supper" I say, pulling a can of warm soda and another packet of the marshmallow sandwich out of the plastic bag and tearing it open. "Cheers dad," I say, holding out the pie, saluting and cracking the can of drink as I sit my ass down in the wet mud a share a meal with my father for the last time...**

* * *

**Chapter 53- Graduate to the top.**

"Would you change the god damn station Jacob? I can't handle any more of this shit!" yells Quil from the back seat.

It's Thursday night, and on Thursday nights they play the top country songs from the decade before of that same date. I like listening to it.

Today has been a really cool day. Senior day. I could just pretend to be a normal senior, hanging out with my friends, holding on to my girlfriends hand like I don't have a care in the world. I wasn't the guy who got dumped last summer by a chick who just got married to some other rich guy. I wasn't the guy who had almost a month of school with 'mono' –not sure if many people are buying that story. And for a few hours, I wasn't the guy whose dad has just died leaving him an orphan.

I was just me, Jake.

It's actually been a kind of warm day— for Forks— and we got to go swimming in the community pool all morning. Then after lunch we chalked up the whole school. I never knew Paul Lahote was such a good artist, so too, is Ben Malek. By the end of the day, there was a kaleidoscope of colors drawn over the front brick entrance of building one, washable graffiti and murals down the path and steps from the school to the parking lot. The girls did all sorts of rainbows and flowers and girly stuff, while us guys created a whole barnyard of animals all with disproportionately _large_ junk between their legs. Ness and I combined our skills and did a great thunderbird flying over cliffs and the beach. T'ist'ilal.

Ness practiced her signature, over and over again: Dr. Renesmee Black; Mrs. Renesme Black; R. C Black; Jake &amp; Ness 4 Eva. It's was cool... And flattering.

And then it got _so_ much better when someone—I have my suspicions that it was Garrett, whose father just happens to be pig farmer—let a little piglet go in the hall of building one and it shat just outside Miss Gordon English Room. So freakn' funny.

So today has been a really cool day. I've actually been happy, not faking it; not manically higher than the real me wants to be. Just… happy.

Happy, just like listening to the music back to 2005 makes me, back when my mom was alive, and so was my dad. Life was easy and simple and my biggest problem was choosing between peanut butter and jelly, or cheese. Cheese was usually the choice. My dad still used his legs, and he'd dance with my mother on a Thursday night around the living room. It's Thursday night again, and the Rascal Flats are singing about blessing the broken road. The sound track to my year.

"Pleeeeese put something from this decade on," Ateara whines again.

"No," I say, catching Quil's eyes in the rear view mirror, "my car… my music." I give him the best 'eat shit' smirk I can.

He lets out a long moaning growl of discontent and Seth and Emb just laugh. We're over halfway into the hour long drive to Port Angeles. The latest _Fast and the Furious_ is out, and we're on our way to see it. Anything that combines supped up cars, street racing, and 'The Rock' is alright by me.

Today has been a good day.

I turn up the volume, drowning out Ateara's pussy wining and keep on driving. It's good to get out of the house for something more than school, and to hangout with just the guys. Where we can burp and fart and pussy-talk as much as we like without worrying about the girls hearing.

We're in my car, I drove to the Res after school to pick everyone up. I stopped in at the house on my way to Quil's, I've not been living in the empty, haunted, cottage for the last two weeks. Too many memories. I've been staying with the Cullen's instead.

My sisters stayed another week after the funeral. Once the legal stuff was sorted out and they were happy I wasn't going to be homeless until I left for Massachusetts, they got the hell out of Dodge. Nessie's mom helped us sort out the legalities of ownership transfer. There is seventy-four years still left on the land lease that the house sits on and it's been arranged for it to be transferred to the three of us kids. We've decided we're going to keep it for a place for us all to stay when we come home. Rachel's even considering living in it for a little while. If she can change some of the more lingering memories.

The girls sorted out dad's clothes before they left, but his room is still set up. It's pretty much the same as it always was, only now… he's not there. I get now why Rachel and Rebecca find the house too haunting for them, there's too many memories. They have _two_ ghosts chasing them now.

But for me, the more time I have, the more comfort I get from the memories it holds. It's my home, I love that little red cottage. But saying that, once the girls left and Ness stayed a night back at her house, it was weird—and spooky—I don't like staying in the house by myself. So I was happy to spend the last few weeks of school in Carlisle and Esme's home when they offered. She's a great cook, he's great at checkers. Dad used to love checkers. And Ness is the best and softest 'bed toy' a boy could ask for.

I have to give Rachel some credit though. She's coming back in time for my graduation. I'm trying not to focus on the face that it's Paul's too, though. She's only gone to stay with Becks for a couple of weeks and Lahote is picking her up from Seattle this very minute.

We're graduating tomorrow. Class ranks were announced yesterday and it was confirmed that I'm valedictorian. Ness is so freakn' proud of me; I know dad would be too. I have my speech done. Tony helped me write it. He and Marie flew back in a few days ago. I've never had a parent help me like that. It's was so much easier with his help.

_My future self is rooting for me. _And so are a lot of other people.

Casa de Cullen is pretty crowded this week. Alice is back home for the summer, Emmett is home until pre-season in July, and Nessie's parents are staying in Edwards's old room. It's prefect. I keeps me remembering all the things that are right with my life, not what is wrong.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

We drive some more, the windows are rolled down after Seth let off the biggest death breeze in Native American history. Embry, not wanting to be left out, adding to the fumigation. I miss hanging with the guys, even if they do smell like road kill. Suddenly, the radio cuts out, my phone over the speaker system stepping in.

"Shut up! Shut up, would ya!" I say to the fuck-wits in the back seat dick slapping each other with an empty water bottle and a dance shoe of Nessie's that must have fallen out of her bag. I answer with a press of a button on the dash console. Shit, I love this sound system she bought me. "Hello?"

"Hey baby, you almost there?"

It's Ness, "Yeah, another five or ten."

"Good. Hey… I was just wondering, what do you like best, black or royal blue?" she spills out in a quick breath.

"Um?" what the hell is she talking about?

I must be on speaker phone too, because Alice pipes in then, "she's got it in her head to wear that same black lace get up she had on in your calendar under her graduation gown tomorrow, but her mom bought her this cute little blue bustier and I think it's much more scholarly. So it's up to you black lace or blue sateen?"

Oh, fuck my balls, that sounds amazing, but all I can think about is that I'm in so much shit for being on speaker. Ness has promised me an extraordinary celebration _gift _in the form of graduation-hat sex with those stay up stockings she has on in the July page. Unfortunately,all this is crystal clear on the tweeters on the dash _and_ from the pair of 6 x 9's on doors in my little red rabbit hurtling down the Pacific Highway with three straight, one gay, horny Indian teenage boys inside.

"Black!" calls Quil form the back seat, laughing like a fucking idiot. Embry sniggering too. They're both so dead.

There is silence on the end of the line for a good ten seconds as all three turds in the car with me make kissy noises and fake sex sounds.

"Am I on speaker phone?" Ness asks, though I can tell from her tone that she already knows the answer. And I can tell from her tone too, that even though I agree with Quil and would have liked to see her in the black number too, I'm never gunna see it now.

"Maybe?" I am so fucking dead.

"Please take me off speaker phone Jacob." So dead.

I lift my phone, pressing the handset button and slowly hold the phone to my ear. Behind me, Quil is calling out asking, "Hey? What this about a Calendar?" I ignore him.

"At least they _didn't _know about the calendar," Ness says in a defeated tone. This time it's only me hearing what she's saying. "You did good keeping it from them for this long babe." There's no real irritation in her voice. I _love_ how easy going she is. I really could spend the rest of my life with this amazing girl by my side. "But please, don't tell them about the photos in the calendar. I mean, you can tell them a little, _tiny_ bit, but absolutely no detailed descriptions and if you value your balls, never _ever_ show them. Okay?"

"Yes," I say in a mollifying tone. "I'm not gunna show them the photos." As if. No one get to see my Nessie's assets but me.

"Oh now I have to see it," laughs Embry from the back, shaking my seat as I drive one handed. I look at him over my shoulder, mouthing for him to '_shut the fuck up!'_

"I was never gunna even _tell_ them about it," I say into the phone. Nodding now to Quil, who is groaning in disappointment, '_Yes, I'll tell you about it,' _I silently mouth again. I have to throw that horn dog a bone or he's gunna ransack my room. And he'd find it too, it's only just hanging behind my bedroom door. God they're good photos though.

"I suppose Quil's never going to shut up about it if you don't tell him something, just remember to keep it more or less PG-13." Such a cool chick.

"Okay babe, I promise you, with the structural integrity of my precious nads, that Quil will never lay eyes on it."

"Good," she says, ending the conversation. She takes a steadying breath, the speaker of the phone crackling on the out breath. "So, you'd prefer the black over the blue?"

I smile at her abrupt turn back to the point of the phone call. "Once you go Black, you never go back," I say, I can feel my teeth clicking in the back of my mouth. I know she loves it when I do that. I'm doing my best though to keep the sexiness disguised from the three ass wipes listening to every word I say.

"I'd have to agree with you there Mr. Black, I'd have to agree."

I turn off the highway, into the mall parking lot where the theater is. "Hey Ness, We're almost there. I'd better let you go."

"Yeah sure, I've got to get Ali off my case about tomorrow's outfit."

"I'm sure you'll look beautiful in whatever you wear."

"I'm going more for the 'sexy senior' look. But I'll take beautiful too."

"That's because you are beautiful. My beautiful girl." I can feel the goofy smile on my face. I don't care, she is beautiful and it's my job to tell her.

Seth's hand reaches out and presses the hands-free button on the center dash, putting us back on speaker. "Okay Ness," he says to her, effectively cutting off the fledgling flirt we had developing. "We all know you're beautiful. There is no doubt that Jake thinks you're beautiful. But your stud man here has to find a parking spot or we're gunna be late and get shitty seats. So say goodbye, and you can welcome him home with your sexy black and blue whatever's in a few hours."

"Right, I can take a hint," she giggles. "Hi guys, bye guys. Bye sweetie."

"Bye Ness," they all sing out. Kissy falsetto voices, Embry reaching over my shoulder to give me a nipple cripple.

"Fucker, I'm driving!" I say grabbing his fingers and twisting them back unnaturally. "Bye Ness," I say, drowned out by Call's pussy crying. I press the hang up button and all hell breaks loose as I pull into a lot closest to the theaters.

"Please… _Pleeeeease_ tell me she made you a sexy calendar," Quil beg-asks, his hands in prayer position as he leans to the front.

I look at him, turning into a space and killing the engine. Ness said it was okay so long as it's PG-13. "She made me a sexy calendar."

"Why… why the fuck didn't you tell me about it?" He turns looking at Embry, who's smiling at me in the rear view mirror holding his bruised fingers. "You better have not known about this already."

Embry hold up his hands in defense, "hey, this is the first I've heard of it. Raven's not said a god damn word. What I want to know is… why don't _I_ have one?"

We all pile out of the car, walking four abreast up the street.

"Ness said she chickened out."

"Raven chickened out? What the hell is she so doing in these photos Jake?"

"Well, August is my favorite, but in the January page…"

* * *

.

It's after ten when I get back to the Cullen's house. Emmett, both the doctors, and Marie are watching a movie in the TV room. "Hey Jake, how was it?" Marie asks as I step through the foyer.

"Yeah, it was pretty good. The first one is still my favorite."

"Oh yeah, Vin Diesel all the way," says Emmett as he stuffs his face with popcorn.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Michelle Rodriguez, but…" I shrug, my lips scrunching up as I hide my cheeky smile and shrug with false sympathy. "All walks of life Em, whatever tickles you're fancy."

"Get out of here," he laughs, throwing a cushion in my direction.

"And you call yourself a football player," I quip as the cushion misses me by a good foot.

"Whatever!" he calls out as I head into the kitchen to grab a drink and to find Ness.

I hope she's gunna show me some of that sexy lingerie she called about.

.

Esme is sitting at the counter, typing on her laptop, "how was your movie?"

I get out the big gallon jug of milk to pour myself a glass, stealing a cold chicken leg from tonight's leftovers while I'm at it. I'm shocked there even _is_ leftovers with Emmett in the house. My mouth is full of food as I answer back, "good."

"Did you fill up on junk food?" she asks, looking up from the screen, "have some fruit." She points to the big bowl of fruit that is always sitting on the counter of Esme's kitchen. Apples and oranges, bananas and an uncut pineapple tonight. "There's some cherries in the fridge too."

I down the glass of milk and put the jug back in the fridge, grabbing a small handful of cherries.

I might just hand feed them to Ness if she's still up.

"Thanks Mrs. C."

"No worries darling," her hands reaching up as an indicator that I have to stoop down. I do, and she pulls me in for a motherly goodnight kiss on the cheek. She's been doing that for the past three weeks. It's soothing. I haven't had a motherly goodnight kiss for nine years. I miss it.

_I miss him._

"Night," I whisper, giving her a quick little hug, a half-eaten chicken leg in one hand, and a handful of cherries in the other.

"Night sweetheart."

I'm walking down the hall, towards Nessie's– _our—_room when Esme calls out, "don't' forget to brush your teeth."

"I won't," I reply, my mouth full of chicken again.

She nags me like a mother. I pretend to hate it, but really I like it. She can nag all she likes. And I will brush my teeth. Even dad used to nag about that.

* * *

I push open the door with my shoulder and I am— as always— hit by the magic exotic sent of Ness in the room. It's lit only by candle light, warm and dim, and relaxing. Maybe a little bit sexy too. She's sitting on top of the bedspread in her pajamas. They're nothing more than long grey cotton jersey pants and a baggy black tee shirt. Her hair is wrapped up in a towel like a turban and she's got a mud mask plastered across her face. No sexy lingerie, but she's still beautiful to me.

"Hey," she says looking up from her tablet, pictures of beaches on the screen. We're thinking we might go on a road trip this summer, down the coast to California for a few weeks, maybe into Mexico, too. "I didn't hear you come in." She stands, her little pintsized height endearing as she walks around the bed to me. "How bad were the guys after I hung up?"

"Not too bad actually. They were mollified after I gave then just enough information."

"PG-13?"

"Barely even PG," I reassure, leaning down and kissing her lips. She smiles at me, white caked on mud mask breaking into tiny pieces down the front of her black shirt.

"Oh shit! I always forget about these things," she says, scurrying over to the bathroom sink to wash off the forgotten mask.

She's warming up the water, running a wash cloth under the stream. She looks back at me, holding my gaze as the tap is abruptly switched off and the wash rag is rung out.

"I got you a late night snack," I say holding up the handful of fruit as I toss the now fleshless chicken bone in the trash.

"Ooh, yummy. Thank you, babe," she says, lifting her chin towards my reflection. I see a look in her eye as our eyes meet in the mirror; dark brown, almost black, uniting with sunburst melted hazelnut. That look; it's love, it's unadulterated, all consuming, comfortable and still spine-tingling love. It's reflected right back at me.

I kick my shoes off, my shirt following and I toss it in the basket in the corner. Ness is bent over the sink, washing the mud off her face, her round tight ass is womanly and inviting. As she straightens, I hand her a towel and come to stand behind her. We watch each other in the mirror as she dries her face. Her skin is like porcelain, pure and smooth. I'm a full foot taller than her, and standing behind her like this, the tip of her towel turban reaches just above my chin.

My hands reach up, untwisting the towel wrapped over her head, her long hair falling in a thick roll, heavy with a protein treatment or something. "You want me to help you wash this out?" I ask, lifting her hair up and draping it over one shoulder. My head leans forward, lips brushing over the edge of where her oversize shirt has fallen off a shoulder. She's got a beautiful neck.

She nods, leaning her tiny frame against me.

I still have the small handful of cherries in my hand and I twist one around, holding it out by its stem for her to take with her mouth. She does. Her pink, pouty lips opening and then closing around a deep juicy globe, a small smile on her lips as she begins to chew. I do the same, holding up a cherry and dropping it in my mouth.

We do this a few more times, her mouth taking the fruit right from my fingers, both of us rolling the juicy flesh with our tongues, all the while her back is pressed hard to my chest. I reach an arm out for the little bin on the corner of the counter, and I hold it out for her to spit out the pits. I copy a moment later.

Then, still staring into each other's eyes in the mirror, I reach a long arm out to the shower, turning on the hot tap and waiting for it to heat up.

"You gunna show me this graduation outfit?" I mumble against the shell of her ear, her eyes closing as she enjoys the sensation.

"That's for tomorrow," she whispers, her hands bunching up on her oversized t-shirt, lifting it up and over her head. It falls to the floor. So does her grey sleep pants, leaving in their wake a beautiful woman in a royal blue sateen bustier. It's strapless and formfitting, pressing her boobs, pushing them up like two squishy marshmallows. I _love_ marshmallow. Her waist is tight and her hips are gently flowing out, a sexy sateen panty to finish off the look. It's extraordinary.

"I'm going with the black tomorrow," she smirks at me in the mirror, the unsaid invitation of _come hither_ in her eyes.

I love my life.

Without any further words, I spin her around, pulling her little body to mine and crashing my lips down on to hers. I've been sporting a raging boner since I found out she had sexy lingerie somewhere in this room and that there was a chance I was gunna get to see it tonight. It's consumed my mind and The Big Chief, for the past three hours.

My hands are all over her body, the silkiness of the material sooth and gliding effortlessly. It's sensual, but it's not as good as her skin. My hands slide between the material covering her ass and the milky white flesh underneath and slide the panty down over her backside.

"God you've got a perfect ass," I say, kissing along an expanse of exposed skin, leapfrogging over her shoulder and to the top of her breasts where they're pushed up and just _asking_ to be eaten. I devour, chewing and licking over the half-moons that are escaping the lingerie while my hands knead and soften her ass.

My fingers come up, undoing the first of many hooks in the back of the corset like thing. It's so fucking hot, but there are so many fucking _hooks_. Inch by inch the curve-clinging costume comes away, until, with one last catch, it falls down, exposing her beautiful breast and all of my Ness in all her Nessie perfection.

"God I love you," I say, my lips back on to hers, she tastes like cherries, sweet and tart and juicy. My hands are everywhere as hers undo the four buttons of my Levis. Little fingers tug on the waist band, sneaking between my boxers and my ass, giving a good tight squeeze as she tries to push down with her knuckles.

I help her, pulling down my pants and shucking them off, all the while our lips never parting. Then my hands wrap around her waist, picking the little body up as her legs wrap around me. From the back, I reach around, feeling her wetness, my dick comfortably close as it lines up and enters her in one smooth, long, flowing motion.

God it's good to be home.

I step back a single step, shutting the bathroom door behind us as we move together. I press her body against the back of the door as I start to slam into her. Again and again we pick up speed until I'm riding her hard and fast. She breaks off our continual kiss, panting as her head softly bangs against the door with each thrust. Her nails dig into my skin in such a delicious way as she holds on for the ride.

We are both so in tune, both of us have been waiting all evening for the other, both building exceptionally fast, both starting to lose our minds together. Her feet are atop of the marble counter of the vanity of the small bathroom, the one I broke my hand on almost a year ago. What a difference a year can make.

Her strong and flexible toes are holding on to the counter as her knees open wide and I stand between them. I hold her around the waist, pulling her body into me with each movement, bringing us both closer to that point of release.

"Jake!" she calls, "Jake," a throaty gluteal plea of want.

"Oh Ness." Our lips crash together once again, lips and tongues and teeth all mingled and hitting together in a hot wet mess of loving excellence.

We continue on— fucking while standing upright— the steam of the still vacant shower fills the space, warming us further and creating a wet sheen to both our skins— russet and warm cream.

She's so light and still so strong as she holds herself up. My body feels the power surging between us as we move. Ying and yang in perfect harmony.

She continues to make some more incomprehensible sounds as her wet and tight walls start to ripple her orgasm, her final climax is a cut off cry as she loses all sense of time and space. Two more thrusts and I pause on the out stroke, moving back inside her with one mighty plunge. I push in deep, my love spilling all the way inside.

Together we move a few more concluding thrusts until we're both done. Spent. Fulfilled and reunited.

I maneuver her so she can stand on her own two jellied legs, she just makes it on tip toe. Huffing and panting from the exertion, she leans her head on my bare chest, pressing sweet kisses above my heart.

"Oh my god," she pants. "I love you so much Jacob. I missed you tonight."

I look down at her, her eyes are closed and her lashes fanning over her cheeks as she bumps her head back against the door in an absent and quiet reverence of what we have just shared. Her mouth is slightly open as she attempts to catch her breath and her chest is heaving as I watch her heavy, full breasts moving with each breath while her ribs contract and her flat stomach sucking in. Her nipples are a rosy pink, hard and budded, and inviting me to suck. So I do, slipping out of her and bending at the knees to take a little cherry bud between my lips.

"Oh my god," she shudders, her arms wrapping around my head and pulling me closer. I suck harder, flicking a nipple with my tongue then with a popping release liberate it, a smile on my lips and on hers too.

"Love your boobies," I say, standing straighter.

"Love your lips on my boobies," she chuckles back. Her smile illuminating her already radiant face.

Cupping my hand around her neck, my thumb lightly glides over her swollen and reddened lips. Then, she closes her eyes as my finger lovingly brushes over a cheek that's slightly pink, colored by a combination of the exertion of holding on, the steam of the hot water, and the flush of a woman well pleasured. I love her skin. I love her. Period.

She takes a deep, rapid breath and her eyes open to mine; hazelnut meeting with dark bitter-sweet chocolate. I kiss her quickly but meaningfully, "I love you," I whisper against her temple, kissing her lightly again.

She holds me close, pulling our hearts closer together as she says, "I love you, too."

Today has been more than good, it's been extraordinary.

* * *

…

* * *

"Best speech ever," Alice sings out as she skips up to a group of us out the front of the school gym. We're a small school, and no one cares how many come to graduation. Between me and Ness we have ten.

"Who knew you were so funny Jake!" Seth says punching me in the shoulder.

It's wasn't _that_ funny of a speech. Tony helped me do it. I suppose I did get a _few_ laughs between the serious stuff though. I'm exceptionally grateful that I had that speech written out on cards though. I can't concentrate on anything this afternoon.

We had the ceremony rehearsal this morning at school, and then we were allowed to go home to get changed. And oh shit, did we get changed. Me in the bedroom, Ness locking me out of the bathroom as she put on the hidden sexy lace. She was laughing like a banshee as she just let me have little glimpse of what she put on. Knowing full well the effect it was going to have on me.

Eventually she gave me a quick two second flash of that vada-voom push up black bra that takes her C's to crazy double D's. She's got it teamed up with a garter belt around her tiny waist and long thin straps over her thighs attaching to these eye-rolling-to-the-back-of–the-head-sexy, thigh high, lace top stockings.

And then she covered it all up under that Jackie-O style plain black dress.

Don't' get me wrong, the dress is fitted and hugs her curves, and she's look really classy in it, but what's underneath it is straight from a fucking wet dream. It runs circles around the dress. So, needless to say, ever since I got a glimpse of what Ness has on _under_ that dress, _underneath_ that graduation gown, The Chief has taken control. He's driving this ship right now.

Ness is over talking to some of the girls. She looks so proper, covered up in that long black robe, black stockings and black heels peeking out from underneath. I know that she is anything but proper underneath it all.

Fuck me, I want inside her bad. And judging by the little smirks she keeps giving me, she knows it too.

"Are you sure it's no bother Esme?" Aunty Sue says as all the adults gather around. Everyone is coming over for a BBQ at the Cullen's.

"Of course not Sue, the more the merrier. Jacob's family is our family. And now with you and Charlie, you basically _are_ family." Marie is nodding along with Mrs. C.; Mrs. Ateara, and Mrs. Call are standing there also, they're coming too.

"We might get going and start getting the food ready," says Nessie's mom.

So much for any ideas I had of getting Ness naked the second we get home. No, I'm going to have to suffer being cock blocked by Seth, and Embry, and Quil, and Paul, AND Emmett.

Marie calls out to her husband who is over chatting with Charlie and Mr. Lahote. "Come on fellas, let's leave these kids to themselves for a little while. There's some Prosecco on ice and I can hear the Bellini's calling."

So with a swirl of kisses and hugs and congratulatory handshakes, the adults all leave and the gang of us graduating seniors—and a few welcome hanger-on-ers— are left in the parking lot of our High School. For the last time.

I feel Nessie's arm wind around my waist, and my arm falls on her shoulders automatically.

We're all just milling outside the parking lot, yesterday's chalk drawings a little smudged from all the foot traffic. It's midafternoon, the sun is just hitting the top of the tree line. I look at Ness as she gazes up to the trees an exhilarated smile splitting her lips as her teeth are revealed. The sun is shining down on us, unobscured by the Sitka spruce above us and it's pleasant. She closes her eyes, and I can see her appreciating the warmth of the rays. Enjoying every moment for all it's worth. It's beautiful.

She's beautiful.

I think dad gave me that sunshine just then.

Some of the guys are talking about going for a quick soda at the diner before we go to Ness's house. Ness comes up onto tip toes, whispering into my ear. "You want to skip the diner and have one last detour on our way home from school?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I grin, taking her by the hand and calling to everyone that we'll meet them at home.

We drive off to a cacophony of catcalls and lurid gestures. Fuckers are just jealous.

* * *

…

It's much later that we'd realized when we get back to the house. Carlisle is finishing up with the grill, taking off his fake, sexy, six-pack apron off. Oh god, I think I'm scarred for life from that visual. Until I see Tony's with a sexy woman in a bikini on his. Seeing you're future father-in-law in that kind of shit will fuck a guy up.

"About time you two showed up," my sister says, giving me a hip bump and a noogie as we walk through the kitchen to the patio. I just hook an arm around her neck, the other hand still holding tight to Ness as we approach the serving table on the large back deck beside the Cullen's pool.

Everyone starts to grab a plate and load up with salad and meat. We kids find spaces around the edge of pool and eat on our laps as Alice turns up the music. Ness brings me over a cold Dr. Pepper, and we hold up our cans, toasting to the end of a chapter with a soft clink of aluminum.

It's a really light hearted night, kids jumping and cannon balling into the green-blue water. The olds are getting blotto on champagne and Alice and my sister are as high as kites on Ali's new crop. Ness has been trying to coax me into the pool all night, but I'm not interested.

It's hard to feel happy and sad all at the same time.

She's sat with me for most of the night, but after enough bugging from Seth, Ness finally caves, and get into her suit which, thankfully, is a simple green one piece. Without preamble, she takes a running jump into the water, splashing her parents from where they're sitting at the table.

A game of chicken fight starts up a little while later, Paul and Rach versus Emmett and Ness. My sister has no chance.

I get up, back to the kitchen fridge to go to grab myself another drink. It's a big sterling silver fridge, always stocked with so much good food. There's a special designated extra beverage shelf even, and I open the drawer to grab another soda. Only there's none left. Only a few diet ones and a few more beers.

They're Rainer's, my dad's favorite.

I take the long tall can, reminiscing at the feel of its smooth, cool sides under my fingers. I can't remember how many times I've gotten a beer out of the fridge for my dad. I'll never get the chance again.

I wish he was here today. I'm surrounded by so many people, so much love and friendship, but I just want my dad… just for one more day.

I'd wish he could have heard my valedictorian speech. I wish he could have seen me graduate high school. I wish he wasn't gone.

But he is.

Standing in the chill of the refrigerator air, the cool white light glaring in my face, I circle my fingers over the top of the can. Around and around, until, out of habit, a finger tucks under the pull-tab and it cracks with a hissing pop of expanding gas. The rich caramel malt smell hits me like punch in the gut. I'm taken immediately to the TV room at home; I'm fourteen, the Seahawks are playing the Green Bay Packers. That was the day dad let me have my own beer for the first time. I was so proud. I felt like a man. It was like I was sharing something sacred with him. That was a special day. I also remember that I spewed it all up a half hour later.

I don't really want to drink the beer, but I _really_ don't want to put it back.

I shut the fridge door and head back down the hallway, past the stair that leads up the main bedroom wing, past the hall that leads to Nessie's room, through the TV room and out the front door.

* * *

The can is almost empty by the time Ness finds me. I've kept it down this time.

I'm sitting out on the front porch swing, staring at the myriad of old and new cars parked in the Cullen's front lawn. The mix of have and have-not's all coming together as one.

"I wondered where you went," she says, coming to sit by me, her warm thigh pressing against mine. She's got a towel wrapped around her, her feet are bare and her hair is dripping down her back. She's beautiful. She takes the beer can from my hand, lifting it to her lips and downing what's left.

"I miss him Ness," I say, my voice broken and forced. I've tried so hard today, so hard to keep my shit together, so hard to be happy, appreciate what I still have and not what I've lost…but the god damn beer was too much.

"Oh Jacob," she croons her arms circling around me as my head falls to the side and I cry against her shoulder. They're great big heaving sobs. Finally, I let myself release from the last few weeks, it all comes crashing down. I let myself feel sorry for myself.

Somehow, I sink down on her, seemingly shrinking in size until she's holding me, lifting me and helping me remain whole. We sit out on the front veranda of Casa Del Cullen for at least an hour. It's a clear night and the stars are out and moon is shining, casting an ethereal glow over her features.

We're pressed together, every inch of skin that can touch is touching. I'm sitting diagonally on the old wicker chair, one foot on the ground the other under me as hers drape over my thighs. We talk, and we talk, my best friend and me taking until it all doesn't seem so dire once more. As always, she's given me just what I needed… an ear. And an 'OK' to let it all out.

"You want to go back?" she asks, pushing back off my chest, her eyes flicking to the front door and the celebration going on out back. I can hear the soft thud of the music, splashes and squeals from the pool. My friends and family all together for the last time in a while.

I sigh, nodding as I stand, both hands gripping hers gently as I pull her up. "May as well rip the Band-Aid off," I say, fixing my hair that fallen out everywhere. It's a lot longer now and it goes back in a ponytail with only a bit at the sides falling out. I'm gunna keep it long like Dad from now on. "But I have something to give you first," I say reaching into the tiny front pocket of the cargo shorts I've got on. I pull it out, holding up the little gold ruby ring.

"Whaaat?" she gasps, a taken aback look on her face.

Oh shit, she thinks it's an engagement ring. As if, we've _just_ finished high school. Who does she think I am, Bella?

"It's a class ring," I explain. "I wanted you to have one. So you know that you're loved and respected here, not like in Marymount. It's a ruby for your birth stone."

"Oh Jake," she says reaching out for it, "that so sweet baby, thank you."

"I got the dance team emblem on this side, and I know it's a little self-involved, but Spartans mascot one on the other," I explain, our heads pressed together as we look at the pretty little ring. Turning it around and showing her the engraved 'J &amp; N' on the inside. "You and me, at high school."

"It's perfect," her eyes are a little glassy, not sad, just full of emotion. "Thank you," she smiles sliding it on her a finger.

"And it fits," I say more to myself than her. "You have the smallest fingers Ness. They actually called me to check I had the right size on the order. Apparently a four is like a kid's size."

She shrugs, smiling and sniffing just the tiniest hint, "at least shoes and clothes are cheaper in children's wear."

"Makes up for my _giant_ clothes."

"Yes it does," she hums.

We're no longer talking about clothing.

My fingers lightly hold her chin, pointing it up until her lips are almost touching mine. "Love you, pretty girl."

She leans the rest of the way in, her lips meet mine in soft gentle loving and affirming kiss. "Love you, too."

We smile at each other for a while; sparkling eyes, and happy hearts. Our hands are linked in an easy embrace. Today wasn't as good as yesterday but it was still pretty good. This is real life.

My life will always be good because I have Ness by my side.

"Are my eyes red?" I ask, breaking us out of our silent exchange. We have to go back, I _want_ to go back to the party. Even so, I don't want all the fuckers to know I've been crying. That's just between Ness and me.

She looks up at me, her hands either side of my face. "Only a little bit. And if any of them say anything, first, I'll kick their ass. And second, we'll just pretend we're stoned."

She smiles, flicking me in the nose and jumping up for a quick kiss before I can bend down to her height. She taking the seriousness and sorrow out of what we've just shared. She's giving me my nads back.

Arm in arm we walk through the house back out to the deck. I'm still in shorts and a t-shirt, Ness has a towel wrapped around her. As we step outside, I pick her up and toss her over my shoulder caveman style. It might me be little manic, but the spontaneity and the lightheartedness I suddenly feel is freeing and very welcome. Then, with all the macho strength I can find, I take a running jump into the deep end of the Cullen family pool. All the while Ness squealing and giggling with joy as we dive, feet first into the water.

_I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step. _ And it feels good.

* * *

…

Everyone has gone home. We help the Cullen olds clean up by loading the dishwasher and moving the chairs back to where they belong. Alice and Emmett are playing video games in the lounge. Lazy shits.

"Kids," says Marie from the stairs as she steps down, Tony coming over to meet her. "Come here for a minute, we have something to give you."

Ness and I look at each other, both in the dark about what it is.

The four of us settle on the couch in the TV room, Emmett is already flogging Alice's ass in mortal combat.

"This is a graduation gift, for you both," Tony says as Marie holds out an envelope to us. Ness takes the offered gift, unfolding the seal and delicately taking out the wad of papers folded into thirds.

"We're moving back to The Hague in a few weeks and we'd like you both to come visit. You both need a holiday, and while you're in Europe we want you to see more than just Holland." Marie shifts closer to her daughter, smoothing over Nessie's long, curled hair like mothers do.

"We've booked you into a few different hotels, you're flights are on the 17th,"her father informs.

"Mr. Cullen, it's too much!" I say. They're so generous, I don't know what to say about their generosity. I feel so indebted to them, but I think they just see me as their son.

"Jake doesn't have a passport, only a card," Ness adds, less overwhelmed than me, but stunned nonetheless.

"We know," Tony chuckles, "that's why the flights aren't till the 17th. And that's why you're driving us to Seattle on Monday for our flight. If you go to certain Passport agents you can get one in just over a week."

Ness starts to shuffle through the travel papers, lists of hotels and connections printed out. "Amsterdam?" she asks doubtingly, "you're trusting us to go to Amsterdam unchaperoned?" She's lifts one brow, looking at her folks with doubt through her long lashes. But I see the shimmer of barely suppressed elation under there too.

"You'll be eighteen by then Ness. We have to trust you baby girl. And you've earned it this year."

"I tried to."

"You succeeded," he father says warmly, looking between us, his eyes landing on the way our legs and arms are pressed together. We are two people moving as one. His eye meets mine and he gives me a barely detectable nod, winking with his smile. "Besides, we couldn't let your eighteenth birthday happen without us, and we know young Jacob here wouldn't let you celebrate it without him."

No I wouldn't have.

Renesme slowly folds the papers back up, resting them down on the coffee table in front of us, the very same coffee table she hid a giant bottle of tequila out of my arms reach the night we met. She jumps up from where we're seated, throwing her arms around her parents arms. "Thank you! Oh god, mom, dad thank you."

Marie's arms lift up, her assortment of bangles and bracelets clinking as she holds her daughter close. Tony's arms holding both his girls like a big encapsulating belt.

I feel a little pang in my chest, just a little. I can't do that... I can't be held by my parents.

Ever again.

From my side of the sofa I just sit and watch as they hug. I'm happy for Ness, but felling a little sorry for myself nonetheless. Then, like he's heard my thoughts, Tony pulls back, one hand still on his wife the other out stretched, inviting me into the circle.

"Come here son," he says softly. And I lean forwards, kneeling on the woven floor rug, falling into his arms and Marie's and Ness's. They've included me. Like they know I belong with her. Like I belong with them.

Maybe I do.

Ness shifts an arm until it's wound around my back, her face pressing against my cheek. "Love you," she whispers, her smiling lips pressing against the shell of my ear, she sounds so hopeful and at peace; she sounds happy. "I get to show you my home."

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading guys. Thanks so much for your reviews last chapter. Sorry I could write back to the guest reviewers.**

**Thank you Aretee for the input you gave me in this chapter. Senior day was a pretty boring affair in my school. It's the week after graduation that we really celebrate here in Australia. Schoolies week... oh my. The memories hey Pidge.**

* * *

**On a side note, I want to give a shot out to a new story I've been reading. It's a heartbreaking, manipulative alternative to the second third of Breaking dawn. The paring is muddled between Edward and Jake and broken Bella, and it makes for some great reading. It's called "Prophase" by bluedolls. It very under reviewed, but really well written and a very original twist on canon.**

**Give it a go if you're looking for something to read.**

**But review this chap first :-)**

* * *

**This story is winding down folks. A few more chapters in Europe then we say adios.**

**Unit**** next time, Marina.**

.


	54. Chapter 54- The 'Short' Goodbye

**Last time on P &amp; C's…**

"**Kids," says Marie from the stairs as she steps down, Tony coming over to meet her. "Come here for a minute, we have something to give you." **

"**This is a graduation gift, for you both," Tony says as Marie holds out an envelope to us. Ness takes the offered gift, unfolding the seal and delicately taking out the wad of papers folded into thirds. **

"**We're moving back to The Hague in a few weeks and we'd like you both to come visit. You both need a holiday, and while you're in Europe we want you to see more than just Holland."**

… **[Ness] jumps up from where we're seated, throwing her arms around her parents arms. "Thank you! Oh god, mom, dad thank you."**

…**[Then]I lean forwards, kneeling on the woven floor rug, falling into Tony's arms and Marie's and Ness's. They've included me.**

**Ness shifts an arm until it's wound around my back, her face pressing against my cheek. "Love you," she whispers, her smiling lips pressing against the shell of my ear, she sounds so hopeful and at peace; she sounds happy. "I get to show you my home."**

* * *

**Thanks Aretee for being my Beta. It's been a long slog this week hey?**

**They're off to Europe guys. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 54 – The '_short' _good bye.

We're somewhere over the Atlantic, about two hours out of New York and another four until we get to London. It's late, and already I can tell I'm gunna be all muddled up with the time zones. It's almost midnight at our home, almost 2am where we just left, and 6am for where we're headed.

But the plane in still in Eastern Daylight Time, only it's not daytime, it's night time and the lights are turned down low. We got a meal shortly after take-off and the flight attendants have handed out the thinnest pillows and blankets I've ever seen. The arm rest is folded up and Ness is curled up into me as we both watch an inflight movie on the screens in front.

We're going to visit Nahuel for a bit over a week in London before we head to her parents' place in the Netherlands. Ness is excited to see her old friend and to show me the sights of her father's home town. I'm excited that the legal drinking age is eighteen. Ness has twelve more days to hold out. Then we're gunna paint the town red. Somehow I doubt Nahuel is going care about legal ages of alcohol consumption though. It think we might just be painting the one bedroom apartment in Soho red ahead of schedule.

The atmosphere in the cabin is subdued. It's quiet apart from the constant hum of the engines and the occasional muffled cough. As the majority of the passengers try to nap or immerse themselves in a movie or some other consuming activity there is little light but the faint reading lights above a few scattered seats and the soft changing glow of the behind the seat screens.

Ness and I are in the very last row, the part where there's only two seats instead of three. The only problem is it's just next to the bathroom. The main benefit is… it's just next to the bathroom. Bathroom… also known as the headquarters for the mile high club. I'm keen to become a member.

"Do you want to go now?" she asks quietly, her eyes wide and dilated in the darkness as the credits of our movie roll.

I swallow hard, suddenly nervous as shit, but now totally sporting a rising boner. "Do _you_ want to?"

She nods, biting her lip through a smile, "yes." She winds up her ear phones, tucking them into the pocket of the seat in front. "I'll go first and then you come exactly ninety seconds later." She's whispering, but I can still hear the excitement in her voice.

I am one lucky fucker.

She stands, stretching and clumping her blanket on her seat, then leans towards my ear, "Ninety seconds."

I nod, grinning like a fool, and shifting in my pants. "One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…"

Ninety Mississippi's later, I stand, fold my blanket on my seat and step to the bathrooms just behind us. "Ness," I whisper call, rapping gently on the _'Occupied' _door.

The red slides across to a green '_Vacant' _sign with a metallic click. She's pulls back the door, poking her head out a crack. I look down to see her smiling, wild eyes shining back at me

Sideways I step into the cubicle with her, both of us shuffling in the confined space. "How the hell are we gunna fit Ness?" I'm so excited to make this happen, I just hope Ness can put all her flexibility to good use.

She grins at me, winking as warm little fingers slide over my belt, unlooping the leather as the buckle tinkles with its release. Her voice is sure and husky, and sneakily sexy as the zipper of my fly goes down. "Oh, we'll find a way," she says, "I'll make sure of it."

* * *

The week with Nahuel is crazy and wild and fantastic. And, like his latest boyfriend Sebastian says, that fag knows how to have a good time. But as good as partying with her best friend is, Ness is anxious to see her parents. She can't wait to show me the home she lived in as a toddler, before they moved to Ukraine. Apparently Tony and Marie have properties dotted all around the continent.

We're flying into Rotterdam Airport, it's evening and the lights of the city are sparking and pretty as we circle around. I've got the window seat for this flight. We originally decided to just take it in turns for the window, but so far I've got it both flights. Ness insisted that I should see the sights as we approached. She's always doing that kind of thing. They're only small things, like the window seat, the last French fry, more of my fair share of the hot water in the shower. But I notice, and if it's even possible, I love her all the more for it. She's always looking after me, giving me what I need, even if I don't even know it.

We disembark, walking up the aerobridge, bundled along with the rest of the arriving passengers. We both turn as we hear our names called. Marie standing behind the barrier waiting with arms wide open. She must have come from work because she got on a dark blue tailored dress suit, her hair is pulled back into one of those professional looking bun thingies and she has only one fine gold bracelet on her arm. She's not clinking.

If it wasn't for the way her face is lighting up at the sight of us, I almost wouldn't recognize her. She looks totally different in her business clothes. Every bit the international human rights lawyer that she is. The Hippy love child of Joni Mitchel and Jim Morrison I know form Forks is gone and is now replaced by a modern day Jackie O— only sharper.

"Mom!" Ness calls, skipping over to be embraced by her mother. I follow a second later.

"Hey Mrs. Mason," I say standing off, and holding on to both me and Ness's carry on's.

She looks up at me, leaning up from her hug with Ness and opening one arm out to me, "Come here you," she says, puling me in for a welcoming hug too. "Welcome Jake. How was the land of Shakespeare? Much ado about _muffing_?" she whispers so only I can hear, obviously still reminded of the first time I met her and Tony… in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. I just chuckle under my breath, kissing her on the cheek. There she is, the love child of Joni Mitchel and Jim Morrison; the liberal, free spirit that Ness inherited, front and center once again.

* * *

Ness has had a great birthday with her parents. Her mother's been spoiling her rotten, cooking all her favorite food, and her father's been letting her get away with pretty much whatever we wants this week; which—for the record—is sleeping in and staying out late.

Tony's taken it upon himself to try and be some kind of father figure to me— or something like that. I don't mind thought. As good as it is to follow Ness around the local high street shopping –which her and her mom do… a lot— it's gunna be good doing guy stuff for a change.

Today, Ness and her mom have gone shopping, just the two of them, and her dad's brought me to Scheveningen Beach so we can give sailing a go. I've never been sailing. I've been out on the water at home more times than I can remember. But it was always on one of the big fishing boats or with dad and Charlie and Uncle Harry on their little V hull with the eighteen horse power outboard they owned together. I guess it's just Charlie's now.

It's beautiful on the open water, the sun reflecting off the mirror like water as the wind filled sail propels us along. I escape for an hour or two. Tony—of course— is an accomplished sailor, and he has me trimming the jib sheet and tacking our way back in by the end of the afternoon. The smell and sounds of the ocean reminds me of home. And for a minute I imagine it's my dad calling for me to steer into the wind over the noise of the flapping, luffing sail as we sail for the shore.

But he's not my dad. He's Nessie's. There will only ever be one man who I will call my father—and he's buried underneath the earth of the Quileute reservation, side by side with my mother and a miniature wooden ore tucked under his arm.

There'll come a point where his absence will really hit me. I mean, _I really_ hit me. Hopefully by then the raw wound of his loss will have a healed over a little. I miss his beers in the fridge; I miss his small one-lined pockets of advice.

I miss him.

There have been a so many times already on this trip that I've though, "dad would love it here," then I remember to correct myself to the past tense, "dad _would _have loved it here." And as we scoot over the water, the wind in my face, a fine mist of saltwater spraying my face I think, for the hundredth time, that dad would have loved this. And I vow to myself to enjoy every moment in his memory. I'm gunna seize the day.

_Today is a good day._

* * *

The train is gently rocking back and forth as we travel along the foot of the Swiss Alps. After The week we spent with Nessie's parents, we had another great five days in Amsterdam and a good three in Geneva and now we're on our way to Italy, on an overnight train that will take us directly to Rome.

As soon as he found out we were coming to Italy, Luca instead on seeing us. That is, he instead on seeing Ness— I somehow doubt I'm on his radar. But he's on mine. A big bleeping blop on my screen. I'm not letting that enemy vessel anywhere near my tiny flagship— the HMS Renesmee. We really should talk out a line of attack. Have a strategy and talk about the impending usurper. We will… later.

Currently though, we're still in neutral territory. We're literally at the foot of the Swiss mountains, skirting the edge of The Lake. Its late evening and the sun is setting behind the peaks, the sky is lit up in vermilion oranges and crimsons pinks with a glimpse of heaven. The darkening water is glassy quiet and it reflects the giant mountain that's cast in an indigo shadow as it looms over us.

"Ness," I say. She's reading a book, her shoes are off, and her legging clad legs are tucked up under her in the seat next to me, her hair's in a long braid that's hanging over her shoulder.

She looks up, the pages of the novel patting it against her chest. "Wha?"

"Look," I say again, looking out the giant window of our overnight cabin and nodding with my chin to the view outside. I have the window seat again. She leans against me, her arms resting on my shoulder as we both gaze.

"Oh," she breaths, flopping her paperback on the seat as she climbs over the arm rest and onto my lap. She tucks her knees up, snuggling down into my arms as I wrap them around her. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

It is beautiful. I take a mental snap shot, committing this moment to my long term memory. Then I shift a little, leaning to the side and turn so that I can look down at the pretty girl cuddled in my arms.

"Second most," I say. My fingers trace a line down her arm. From her toned, deceptively strong bicep, down to her petite, delicate wrist, little goosebumps pricking up in my fingers wake.

It's not a line—I mean it. The fading light has her porcelain skin painted in a warm golden wash, it highlights her features, the shadows of her lashes lengthening on her cheek, the fullness of her lips plumped. She's my angel incarnate.

She drags her eyes from the window, the sunset-lit starburst hazelnut shining now at me. I take a burst of mental shots, searing them to my mind too.

She lifts her chin, reaching her lips to mine and I lean down, pressing my lips to hers in a soft, warm sunset on the edges of Switzerland kind of kiss. We pull back, both smiling, "I love you," she says.

"Ditto."

She stands off my lap then, reaching over for her phone. "Quick, let see if we can get a good photos of those colors."

So I shift and she sits back on my lap. She's so light and tiny. I love that she can just sit on me. Like a kid… but she ain't no kid. She sets up the camera on her phone holding it out in front of us for a selfie.

I reach my arm up and take the phone from her. "Let me do it," I say. My arm adds at least another half foot of reach. "How do you do anything?" I tease her. In all honesty, I love how little she is.

"Shut it Hercules and take the photo," she laughs, wiggling her ass on my lap and resting her head on my chest.

We take a couple of photos, some smiling at the camera, one where she's looking up at me while I'm still looking at the camera and the last one is where she's looking up at me and I'm looking down at her too… and our lips are kissing. In all of them though, the sunset is spectacular, the tip of the snowcapped mountains are white against the shadows below and in all of them… she's beautiful.

"These are _so_ going on Facebook," she says turning and snuggling back into my chest, her knees tucking up and pressing against the glass. My arms wrap around her shoulder, holding her to me as we rock back and forth on the train taking us to her past.

* * *

.

* * *

_Roma Termini_ is as thriving busy chaotic metropolis station, even at a quarter past ten on a Saturday the morning. Together we make our way off the train and into the terminal. Both our bags are small and light and easy to maneuver. It's obvious Ness is a seasoned traveler from how light we're packed. She was a cutthroat Nazi when I was packing back home, making me take out half the stuff I had in my case. I'm glad for it now, though.

We're weaving though crowds of travelers and locals alike. Ness could blend as local; she totally does when she speaks Italian. But me? No chance. Apparently there aren't many full blooded NA's who travel much. Or at least that's the vibe I've been getting with all the curious looks. Or maybe it's just that fact that a five foot one woman is walking hand in hand with six foot and four inches of Indian. We're used to it, but we still get lot of second glances.

But I think really, it's just because Ness is so beautiful that people stare. I'd stare at her if she walked passed me in a busy railway station. Oh wait…I already do… daily.

I am one lucky fucker.

* * *

We stop to check the directory, Ness reading the Italian map and pointing to where we need to head in order to find the café where we're meeting Luca.

We're meeting Luca.

He's picking us up.

Her past and her future colliding.

I'm still not too sure how I feel about meeting him. I suppose it was inevitable. But I'm still not sure. I don't think Ness is sure either. We haven't talked about it.

We probably should have.

I follow her, both of us with daypacks on, both of us have a hard case suitcase trailing behind on a long sticky handle thingies. Then we see the café ahead and Ness waves to a man sitting on a stool at the bar. He's straight out of a vogue magazine or something, cool jeans and a cool jacket, cool sneakers and that stupid cool chinstrap beard.

He turns, taking one last sip of his coffee… and then he stands up. Well, he doesn't so much as _stand_ up, but more _jumps_ off the stool. Not cause he's excited or anything, but because he so fucking short. His head's like, barely reaches up to the counter. Okay, okay, okay, so maybe he's not _that_ short, maybe five-seven or something. Compared to Ness he's average height, but to me, he's short.

And it's made my fucking day. My whole freakn' _year_!

"_Ness, ciao. Come stai bella_?" he says as he holds her by the shoulders and kisses both of her cheeks. Left and then right. Then he holds her at arm's length smiling and looking at her in an entirely too familiar way. "_Mi permetta vi guardo. Bella più che mai."_ His snaky short arms wind over her shoulder as she turns back to me. Then she steps away from him and closer to me, winding her arm between my backpack and my back.

Take that shorty.

"Luca_, vorrei che si incontra il mio fidanzato, _Jake," she says, her other hand pressing flat on my abbs. "Jake this is Luca."

"Nice to meet you in person finally," I say holding out my hand.

Short ass takes it, and I squeeze the shit out of his tiny little hand.

Take _that_ shorty.

"Yes. You are-a very tall Yacob. I did not expect-a dis," he says, pulling his hopefully broken knuckles back, and gesturing towards me in general. No, I bet the short ass didn't. Then he puts both hands on _my _shoulders and kisses both my cheeks. Left and then right.

Well okay then, I think to myself. At least he's not playing favorites.

He turns to Ness, taking her suit case off her as we start to walk. "_Mamma dice che devi venire ora del caffè_," he says to her.

"English Luca," she scolds, coming into step with me.

"_Scusa_. Sorry," he says to me before continuing, "I say, my mother say to you that you must-a come for, _un cafe."_

"Morning tea," she says to me, "Lucas mom wants us to go there for some morning tea."

We stop on the curb to the parking lot, bags standing upright with a clink on the pavement. Ness turns to me, stepping between my legs. Her body is pressing against mine, her hip pressed against my thigh, my hip into her stomach, only breaking contact at her breasts as she leans back, arms around my ribs, looking up at me. The unsaid question in her eyes.

"Yes-a," he says, his head almost poking between us. The sent of his heavy cologne hits me in a not pleasant way, he smells like Lahote. "We have-a morning tea, but-a we have coffee not tea. You come now, before-a you go to de hotel," he says to me, winding his free hand in the air like I suppose all good Italian's do. "She has-a some gifta for Ranessa."

I feel Nessie's hands against my back, as we stand hip to hip while she waits for my reply. Her little leg rubs against my leg, and awfully close to The Big Chief in this little whit skirt she's got on. "Sure," I say, suddenly much more comfortable with the Shorty-short-short being comfortable with MY Ness. Her body language speaks volumes and it reassures my cave man ego. _Mine_. I can practically hear my inner animal growl.

We may as well go get all the ex-family hello's out of the way. We can't check into the hotel until two; and anyway, I'd kill for a decent coffee right now.

* * *

Luca's mother is pretty much how I'd imagine an Italian house wife would be. She's homely and dotes on her two adult sons, and weirdly so, she's even doting on me. The house too, is pretty much how I imagined a wealthy Italian Bankers house would look like. It's grand and marble and clean and somehow they both exist cohesively in the coffee smelling, biscotti eating world of Renesmee's past. I try to not dwell on the fact that I know Ness and Short-ass fucked in pretty much every room of the house, including the kitchen we're currently eating in and how said, around-the-house fucking with Luca thus produced baby Angelus.

At one point in her life Ness was a huge part of all their lives. This much is obvious as Mrs. Florientino brings over the tall shining coffee pot form the gas cooker. The motherly lady plops a good slosh of milk and spoon of sugar into a mug and hands it to Ness without out question; she still remembers how Ness takes her coffee, milky with one sugar. I realize how much Ness needs this re-connection with people she once considered family. I feel this same way at Charlie's house too, only we're normally in front of the big screen at the Swans residence, not the kitchen. I'll have to go see him before Ness and I go off to college. I bet he misses my dad a heap too. The Chief's probably got no one to talk sports with now. It's not like he can talk stats with the Ed. I think I'll send Charlie a post card tomorrow. And Aunty Sue.

We're just finishing our coffee when Lucas brother Paulo comes home from his workout, he greets her like a little sister, teasing and protective. He reminds me of Emmett, only not as massive, and darker… and Italian.

It turns out that Paulo is much cooler that the short ass brother. For starters, he's not had sex with my girlfriend before and he's not currently suggesting to the idea that he'd like to once again. So that helps. Paulo's into all sorts of cool stuff. He's got an amazing Fiat Spider, it's topless and red and I'd love to take it for a drive but I doubt I'll get a chance.

His English is very good, he's just about to start his second year in Linguistics at The University of Rome after having a year off to do his compulsory military service in the Italian army. He pulls me and Ness up from the table, determined to show me around the house, "Come, I show you _mia Cassa_."

We all walk through the marbled floors. I get shown the library and the larder, the basement and the bedrooms Luca probably fucked her in— multiple times. I catch him with his hand on the small of Nessie back a few times as he lets her pass. What does he think, he has some kind of right to touch her just because he has in the past?

He doesn't.

_I'm_ thinking I just might have the right to punch him in his shorty chinstrap chin— multiple times—if he doesn't quit it though. But I don't. I just squeeze my fists tight a few times, feeling the pull of the tendon around the old fracture from twelve months ago. I'm not too discrete in the glaring look of animosity I give the short-ass cocksucker either. I also don't miss the discrete disapproving look Paulo gives him.

I like Paulo.

The tour of the house ends out the back. There is a pool and a grape vine covered courtyard that they call a _cortile_. And then, after a little heated discussion that I am only privy too with Nessie's translations, it's decided we're going to stay for lunch. Without warning, Paulo takes a running leap across the _cortile_, swinging up the lattice and on to the terracotta tiles of the roof in an awesome display of his skills in Parkour. He is running and jumping across the roof line of the palatial house, all to the sound track of his mother's worried calls. "_Porco dio_" she calls, "_Pualo, scendi, prima collo si spezza!" _obviously worried her son in going to break his neck.

"Is okay mumma," he yells back from the top if the gazebo, "I do this-a all the time-a— when she not home-a. Come on-a Jake, come up-a and I show you to do. Lucca, _il tuo culo grasso qui anche."_

Luca makes a pained sigh. I somehow doubt the short ass is as athletic as his brother.

I'm keen to try, but I don't want to leave Ness with octopus hands. Again, Paulo calls for us both to climb up. I make a 'ladies first' gesture to Luca, my eyes challenging him to show me what he's got.

'Cause he 'aint got Ness, and he 'aint getting her… that's for sure.

His eyes get steely and he rubs his hands together, mumbling something— probably derogatory— as he starts up the climbing ivy. I give him the head start, turning to Ness, and pulling her in for a quick hug and a longer kiss, knowing that he's watching us.

Take that Shorty.

She gives me a wary frown, cautioning with loving concern as she looks up at the height of the gazebo but not making any move to prevent me from trying something new, instead allowing me to seize the day.

"Just be careful," she cautions gently. I nod, giving her a sexy wink before stepping back and taking a running jump, my hands landing straight up onto the eight foot guttering. She gives me wings, this girl of mine. She lifts me, and helps me be better. With her love as my fuel— and possibly a little Neanderthalish compulsion to one-up the rivalry— I do a pull-up, then a muscle-up, rising to the roof. With my head over the lip of the roof-line, I see Paulo to the left of me, leaning over the edge, waiting for his slow-ass brother. I wish I had my shirt off right now. Ness would be loving this gun show I'm giving. I swing my legs sideways, my back and abs bunching until I land in a crouch on the roof with a light thud. Luca arrives a good thirty seconds later, his brother giving him a monkey grip tow up.

Take that shorty.

…

As weird as it seems, it's so much fun as all three of us jump from and angle to angle up on the roof top of Number 86 Via Garabaldi. It's hot in the midday Mediterranean summer sun and we're working up a sweat as Paulo shows me some basics of this military style obstacle course training. Lucca takes his shirt off. So I do too. Not really looking but totally comparing guns, I can't help but smile when I do. What did he think, he's gunna intimidate me by showing me what he's got?

He ain't got nothing.

We're talking as we jump; school and cars and the craziness awesomeness of Amsterdam at night; until Lucca, that is, starts to fuck up my good mood by pointing out that she still wears his angel necklace. He keeps on fucking it up by making thinly veiled comments that I guess are supposed to remind me that she was his before she was ever mine. No shit. I know exactly what sits just above her tits every time I look at them. But I don't let him get the better of me. I know she doesn't wear the necklace because it's from him. I know she wears it to as a memento of her child. I _know _this. And just because he was first doesn't mean he got the best of her. Like Ness says, the best fruit is at the top of the tree, you have to wait for it to be ripe. And boy does she climb me, she climbs me like a monkey… daily.

After a few more irritating back handed comments, Paulo has words with the cock sucker in Italian. I think Paulo tells him to 'back of' or something like that, the words _stronzo _and_ bastardo _thrown around a fair bit. I think the word for 'fuck off' is _vaffanculo_ too. Did I mention I like Paulo?

Take _that_ Mr.-decent-pecs-but-tiny-delts- hopefully-too–hairy–for-Ness's-liking-tanned-but-not-as-tanned-as-me-shorty-short-short.

After about a half hour of climbing and vaulting and me not letting the ass wipe trigger the beat down he has coming, Ness calls out from below asking us to come down so we can go get some fresh bread for Mrs. Florientino.

"Sure, babe," I sing out, standing on the second story balcony roof and lowering myself into a hang before dropping to the terrace. Still a little sweaty but excited by the workout, and maybe just a little trying to prove who has her now, I pull Nessie's into a hug, lifting her up with hand under her ass and kiss her good and deep and oh so public. Paulo drops down the same way I did, but Luca chickens out and enters via the balcony door.

Pussy.

Me, Paulo and Ness walk down to the bakery, Luca is still being a pussy emo and doesn't come. Good.

I don't really want to stay for lunch with the smart ass, octopus hands hanging around. I don't know if Ness is even aware he's touching her. But Mrs. Florentino is cooking all this food and I know Ness misses her old surrogate family. I hope in the deepest wells of my soul that she doesn't miss her ex, but I'm not sure. He's certainly putting on a real show to remind her where he used to stand.

_Past tense_ is all I'm hearing though— and I hope it stays that way. Besides, lunch won't be so bad if I can talk to Paulo. He's pretty cool and so is his mom. I'm glad Mr. Florentino is away for business though, I remember Ness telling me he wasn't too supportive of the whole teenage pregnancy thing. I don't want to meet him, he's probably as big a dickhead as his son.

So with all that in mind, I don't say anything about going to the hotel early, and we walk back to the house with a dozen amazing smelling bread rolls. I could have bought just about everything on the shelves of that bakery, from the plain oil and herb _pizza pianca's_ to the golden crusty looking _filone di Renella_ bread loaf; from the _canoli _pastry to the _zeppole _doughnuts. I'm pretty hungry now.

* * *

Morning has morphed into afternoon, and I have to admit that, quite frankly, that was one of the best and biggest lunches I've ever eaten. Not emotionally, Lucas still being an overly familiar, unsubtle ass. But gastronomically, oh man; Antipasti with all sorts of salami, preserved vegetables and cheese, then the pasta, oh god, such good pasta. Then when I'm was full to almost bursting, Mrs Florentino brought out the main course, breaded veal and salad and potatoes with herbs all over them. And then fruit for dessert. I won't want dinner tonight. Probably.

We're all just sitting quietly, just picking at the fruit platter laid out in front of us when Mrs. Florentino asks Ness about her dancing. And she tells them. She tells them that there isn't anything to tell, she doesn't dance anymore. As she speaks I can her hear the undertones of sadness and longing in her voice, her eyes fixate on the little pile of cherry seeds on the white linen tablecloth in front of her.

"You were-a so good Ranessa," Mrs. Florientino says,_ "bellissima ballerina_." The older ladies fingers come up to her lips as she kisses them and then tosses them away in a flurry of Mediterranean delight.

Paulo nods, sipping his coffee, "Do you remember that-a competition that you-a won and we came-a to watch-a you? You were-a so good. Why you stop Ranessa?"

She's quiet for a beat, and I grab her hand under the table squeezing it hard. I know why. She left her dancing behind when she left all that was associated with Angelus behind too. The experience changed her, and with that change, the consuming commitment it takes to be a professional dancer was renounced too.

The mood around the table has dropped as Ness hesitates with her reply. "That was before, Paulo," she breathes out, her eyes unfocused on the blank wall behind his head, "before…" The rest of the sentence is left unsaid as her voice loses strength. It doesn't matter, it doesn't need to be spelled out—we all know what she means.

I put my arm behind her, resting it on her chair, a hand rubbing gently on her shoulder. Like a little tower of wooden blocks, slowly she tilts, further and further until she topples, falling against me in pieces.

"Ssssh, baby," I mumble, both my arms now encircling her little body as she leans silent and still, propped against my chest.

There are a few minutes of reflective silence as everyone around the table each thinks about their own memories of that time. I'm mostly remembering dad and mom, but I'm still hurting for to woman in my arms too. I want to fix it for her, but I can't. She's got to find a way to be happy inside herself, all on her own. All I can do is be there for her. And I will be.

_Today is a good day— I don't have to see the entire path, I just have to take one step— My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

"I put-a some gardenia for his _tomba _yesterday, so that it is-a pretty for you, Ranessa," says Luca, breaking in the somber silence. He's quiet and less confident as he speaks. I realize for the first time since I arrived that he too lost a baby at sixteen. I might not like the way the guy's been lusting after Ness, but I can tell he genuinely feels that loss and I understand now why she keeps in contact with him.

And then, like the lid of simmering pot of water it lifted, all the budding compassion I may have felt for the player evaporates as he gives me a wink and lifts off his seat reaching across the table and brushing a hand over her knuckles. He fucking _winked_ at me, he WINKED! Fucking pussy digger. Excuse me, _short-ass fucking _pussy digger.

In my mind's eye I imagine myself picking up the cheese knife lying on the table and embedding it deep into his hand. Instead my hand, the one that's holding Ness's, just squeezes her tighter. If it's too hard she doesn't react, instead she pulls her other hand back from his as if it's burnt her.

I just glower at him, the fist of my free hand bunching and un-bunching again underneath the table. I swear if I could growl, I would be right now. He's looking at me too, a hint of a smirk I just want to knock off that suave face. I just want Ness to tell him to fuck off, to renounce all ties to him and his family. To say, thanks for nothing loser, I hope I never see you again. But I know she's not gunna, and the fucker knows it too.

He turns his attention back to Ness whose eyes are down, studying the crumbs on the tablecloth. "You want we go see, I take-a you?" he asks.

He knows exactly how to play her. No one can know or share what they've lost, but them. And it kills me.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved— The best proof of love is trust._

I think she's missed the silent power play going on between Luca and me. But my incredible girl and me, we operate on the same wave length. I'm not sure if she's picked up on his little glances and touches these last few hours, but unconsciously she has at least. Or maybe some part of her just knows that I need her to choose, not that I'd ever ask her to. Just like she never asked me to with Bella. It had to come from me.

"No," she says with self-reliance in her voice, her head's shaking gently back and forth but still she seems lost in some inner-mind image. "I don't want you there. I just want to show Jacob." Her little fingers rise up to play with both pendants around her throat. Back and forth the little charms zip, gliding along the chain with a metallic purr. Her hand pauses mid pass and she looks at me, "can we go tomorrow?"

"Whenever you want to. Tomorrows fine sweetheart," I smile, a small breath of relief rushing out of me.

It's difficult to resist the urge to look at him, to give him the finger and poke my tongue out. But I do resist because he's not important enough. I'm not giving him the power.

Instead, I hook my arm around Ness's neck, pulling her closer and kissing the crown of her head, her nutty exotic smell filling me from the inside out.

_Today is a good day._

* * *

Ness might have missed the silent exchange between Luca and me, but his mother and his brother haven't. When we stand to leave, Mrs. Florentino nods her understanding as we step into the foyer.

"I take-a you," Luca says, assertively making a grab for his car keys. The last thing I want is to have that cock sucker anywhere near me in close confines, and there is no way Ness is sitting in the front seat with him again. I hate having to rely on the dickhead for a lift. I wonder if Ness would mind if we just caught a cab. But before I can begin to think up an alternative, Paulo grabs _his_ keys off the entry way counter, muscling Luca back into the kitchen.

There's a small brotherly scuffle and an argument similar to the one on the roof earlier, it's in a broken Italian-English blend, but I understand the gist of what he says. Luca's car is blocked in by Paulo's and Paulo's going to take us to our hotel. I don't know what Luca makes of his brother twisting the situation, but I'm grateful for the reprieve from the ongoing reminders of what is now ancient history, nevertheless. I hope Ness is too.

"_Andiamo,_ let's go," Paulo says, motioning for us to go outside.

"_Speta Paulo_, _voglio dire addio," _Ness says to him. Turning and pulling Mrs. Florentino, into a tight hug, and a kiss on both cheeks; left and then right. It might be my imagination but there is a very distinct finality to Nessie's goodbye.

Then she turns to me, looking up with a sadness in her eye I haven't seen in months, "I just have to say good bye," her eyes straying over the kitchen doorway, to where her ex and the father of her angel child is, "I won't be long."

Against all the good sense in my body, and a searing burn in my chest, I let her go as she steps back into the kitchen to where Luca is. I suck in a trembling breath and press my back teeth together, the grind shuddering through my jaw. I'm going to have to see a dentist when I get back home.

"Come on Jacob," Paulo says with a friendly hand on my shoulder, "I show you my car again. She come down when she finish." He gives me a knowing look, nodding for me to trust and to rise above.

I nod, closing my eyes and taking another long steadying breath.

_To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved— the best proof of love is trust._

And by God, do I love her.

I hope she loves me enough.

* * *

A long fifteen minutes later, she emerges, alone, from the front door of the villa. She's been crying, her eyes are red and puffy, her eye makeup a little smudged on the sides.

She's still beautiful.

With a step heavier than I've ever seen it, she clops down the sandstone steps, falling in to my arms. Her little hands pull at my shirt as she presses her face to my chest, inhaling.

"You okay?" I ask, smoothing a warm hand down her back.

"Yeah," she says inhaling again. "Oh man, that smell fixes everything." She lifts up on to tippy toes breathing in the skin at my throat. "Rexona and coffee, mixed in with You." A light kiss pressing at my pulse.

"Love you."

"Love you too," she smiles, it reaches her eyes this time, "let's go find this hotel."

* * *

We're taken on a zippy ride through the ancient city. Ness and I have to talk but we're waiting until we're alone. Paulo speeds through the city streets as we ride in the red convertible with the summer sun on our face.

Paulo again promises me a chance to drive the Fiat. As much as that would be cool, I really hope I never have to see this family ever again. "Another time," I say as we pull up to _Albergo Del Senato_. Ness's parents have booked everything for us. I have a little surprise up my sleeve later on in the week though.

Paulo helps us get our bags out of the trunk, Ness taking him in for, what I think, and hope, is a final goodbye hug and a kiss on the cheek; left and then right. I bid Paulo _arrivederci _–even _I_ know that word— and we check in.

Silently I follow Ness to the elevator, riding the short three floors up.

I stand in the door way of room three-oh-five, one hand splayed against the wooded door as we wheel our luggage in. The other hand grasps hers as she steps by me, the cool metal of our room key pressed between us.

"You want to talk about it?" I say.

She looks up, gazing at me with love and sadness in her eyes. "I told him good bye," she says after a few heartbeats, stepping in to the room and tossing the room key in the ashtray on the desk.

I let the door go with a soft click, "I never asked you to do that."

"I didn't do it for you, Jake." She leans her butt on the desk, hunching over and rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. "I needed to do it for me. I don't know what he's feeling right know, I think he just wants what's familiar. But I'm not the girl he dated two years ago, and I'm not interested in him like that. I thought we could stay in contact as friends, but… I was wrong." Her shoulders slump even further, then she looks over at me by the doorway.

"Sorry you had to sit through all that today," she says, standing and moving her suitcase to her side of the bed. The right side. "If I'd known Jake…" she looks up at me with a regretful mien. "I honestly didn't know he still held any kind of flame."

I can see it in her eyes, she's honestly didn't know he was still in love with her. "You're crazy." I smile, "it's alright Ness, if I was jealous, it's now passed." She's obviously hurting over whatever was said and done earlier, and all that matters to me is that Renesmee is okay. I love her and she loves me and we're okay. "How could a guy _not_ want what you have to offer, Ness? You're perfect."

And she chose me.

I can't help the little victorious smile burgeoning on my face.

"I love you so much,'" she smiles, walking over to me and reaching up to kiss me.

She's perfect.

And she's chosen me.

Take that shorty.

I take a few steps, meeting her in the middle of our room. I pull her up for soft, life affirming, soul mingling kiss.

After several minutes we pull away, still arm in arm, but our lips are our own for the time being. With the uncertainly of _us _now reassured, I let myself focus on something other than Ness and I look around the hotel room. It's warm and comfortable with its hazelnut wood floors and creamy golden wallpaper. It's cozy and I feel at home straight away. I'm always at home when she's in my arms.

My hands slide down her back and get a good handful her prefect ass.

The bed is just behind us and I take a backwards leap on to it, the headboard banging with a jump as I pull her with me. We land in giggling pile of arms and legs and love.

My hands start to pull at the shirt she had on, untucking it from the back as my mouth nips at her throat and just behind her ear. God, she smells good.

"Let me go pee," she says pulling back and then coming forwards and kissing me quickly before once again moving backwards and crawling off the end of the bed.

I let her go, trying and missing her ass as she skips to the bathroom. I test out the bed, bouncing up and down a little from the reclined positon I'm in. It's huge and bouncy, and the mirror on the far wall is in a really good position. It really is an awesome room. And the best part is that it's all ours. For our last eight days on this amazing trip, I have Ness all to myself… and we have a king size bed.

After all Luca's shit, I just want to go all cave man a reassert my claim on her. I know it's totally Tarzan-Jane, but it's how I feel. It's like an animal instinct to lay claim. I know, without doubt, that she loves me. I'm 100% confidant that I'm her choice. All of this my brain and my heart know, but tell that to my dick. Little J still wants to leave his mark.

We have eight glorious days left in this ancient country, and for each one of those day I have twenty-four hours of uninterrupted time with my Nessie. A good ten or twelve I intend on spending in this bed, starting from _now_.

She comes out of the bathroom, bypassing the bed and walking to the window. She says she feels stifled when all the windows are closed. She always prefers just a little bit of fresh air, even in the dead of winter. I'm learning to feel the same. She's my breath of fresh air… every day.

I watch as she pulls back the curtains and I'm taken by her sharp intake of breath, her hand covering her mouth as she lets out a jumble of _ooh's and ahha's_.

"What?" I say from my relaxed and hopeful position on the bed.

"Come see Jake. Come here." She hasn't turned to speak to me, her eyes still glued out the window as she waves me over. Then she reaches out, unhooking the lock and pushing open the double windows, the slight breeze causing the sheer silk like curtains to flap.

I haul myself up off the bed, padding over to where she's standing. With my chest pressed to her back, I wrap my arms around her, large warm hands pressing flat against her soft tummy as I rest my chin on her head and look out. The picture before me is one I've seen a hundred times, only it's never been in real life; only a few months ago I was learning all about it on a TV show with my dad.

There is a grand piazza below us and to the left, an even grander building; eight large granite columns supporting a giant portico and behind that is the rotunda. From here on the third floor I can't see the oculus—but I know it's up there too. My heart pauses at the sight and the emotions it brings up; my father always wanted to see this and it's right outside my window. "Is that the Pantheon?"

"Yes," she breathes.

Both of us are staring out, letting the sight soak into our skin. From outside the window, the smell of biscotti and coffee blows in on the warm July breeze, mixing with Nessie's exotic spice. I can hear the honking of horns and mopeds revving from the streets below and it's all soothed over by her steady breathing as her back rises and falls against my chest. I can't believe my life sometimes.

Then Ness pulls away from me abruptly, ducking under my arm. "I have to send my parents a thank you text. This is the best view ever!"

I turn and look as she ruffles though her bag and gets out her phone. She has on a fitted blue and white striped shirt, it's got a zipper up the middle— which is just screaming to be unzipped— it's been tucked back into that tight white cotton skirt that's siting high in her tiny waist and only comes an inch or two over her ass. God, she's got good legs; they're short, but there in perfect proportion to the rest of her perfectness, and they're spectacular.

"Wrong," I say, stepping away from the window.

Her fingers pause over her phone, looking up at me confused.

"I thought we discussed this yesterday, Ness." I stop a foot away from her, just within arm's reach but not touching. "You, my tiny dancer, are the best view ever."

Her confusion transforms into a flattered grin, her lips pulling back across straight white teeth as her smile lights up her face from the inside out.

She looks at me, her little arms reaching out to the little V of skin showing at the collar of my polo. Her fingers lightly touch the dip at my throat, tickling at the edges of my collarbones and up over my Adam's apple before the soft skin of her knuckles skim over the small bristle of my three day growth. Her eyes are soft and gaze up at me. I can see her love in her eyes. It's like I'm reading the most amazing love letter ever written only she doesn't need to write me a single word.

My eyes travel down, along her milky throat to the two pendants nestled between her breasts.

One for me and one from him.

"Ness," I say, testing the mood, "can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I pull her in, pressing my hard-on into her tummy, my arms trapping her against me. "What the hell did you ever see in him?"

She's quiet for a minute, her eyes darting between mine in trepidation. It's not a trap, I'm not asking so that I can start a fight or dredge up the past. Because I know from how she was to him and how she was towards me, that it's just that, _the past_.

But I'd still like to know. "He's just so _short," _I exclaim_, _a teasing smile playing on my lips.

She lets out a frustrated huff, slapping my chest and rolling her eyes. I don't need her reassurances. I've never felt so sure of _us_ as I do right now. "He's not that short to me," she says from her five-one elevation.

"Yeah, but you're a mini person Ness, to the rest of humanity he's a short-ass. And to me, well shit, he's miniature."

She looks up at me with an arched brow, "Maybe not _all_ of him is miniature."

I know she's just teasing. If there is one thing in life I'm confident in, it's my… _endowment_.

"Are you shitting me?" I say, giving her my best fake incredulous look. My hands wrap around her torso, thumbs just under her boobs, each finger counting her ribs as I tickle and she starts to giggle.

"Yes!" she laughs hysterically, wiggling under my tickling hands, "I'm just shitting you! Stop! Yes The Big Chief is the biggest! Oh, hail Big Chief Black, the biggest dick in the Pacific Northwest." I tickle her ribs a little more, my face nuzzling into that nook at the base of her neck where she smells the best. "The biggest dick in Europe, too!" she cackles. I love her laugh, it's pretty and sexy and cute and irresistible all at once as it drifts out the open window to the Piazza della Rotonda.

My best friend's laugh.

God I love her.

_My future self is rooting for me, I release expectations on what I thought my life would be like._

I pull back, staring in to her sunburst eyes. "You sure?"

"Yes." Her breathing is labored as she recovers from her laughter.

"Very?"

She nods, pressing her stomach in to my dick as she leans her boobs back and up and she undoes the first four inches of her zipper top. She's biting her lip and looking at me like I'm dinner. I'm happy to be her salami feast.

My eyes dart from her cleavage to her eyes, back to her cleavage, then her eyes again. "Let's make sure, just in case you've forgotten just how _big _"The Big Chief" is." Sweeping her up under her arms and her knees, she lands with a big bounce and a laughing squeal on the big king size, my big chiefness launching on top.


	55. Chapter 55- Climb to the Top

**Last Time on P &amp;C's...**

"**I told him good bye," she says after a few heartbeats, stepping in to the room and tossing the room key in the ashtray on the desk.**

**I let the door go with a soft click, "I never asked you to do that."**

"**I didn't do it for you, Jake." She leans her butt on the desk, hunching over and rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. "I needed to do it for me… **

…"**I love you so much,'" she smiles, walking over to me and reaching up to kiss me.**

**She's perfect.**

**And she's chosen me.**

**Take that shorty…**

"**…Ness," I say, testing the mood, "can I ask you something?"**

"**Of course."**

**I pull her in, pressing my hard-on into her tummy, my arms trapping her against me. "What the hell did you ever see in him?"… "He's just so **_**short," **_**I exclaim**_**, **_**a teasing smile playing on my lips.**

**She lets out a frustrated huff, slapping my chest and rolling her eyes. I don't need her reassurances. I've never felt so sure of **_**us**_** as I do right now. "He's not that short to me," she says from her five-one elevation.**

"**Yeah, but you're a mini person Ness, to the rest of humanity he's a short-ass. And to me, well shit, he's miniature."**

**She looks up at me with an arched brow, "Maybe not **_**all**_** of him is miniature."**

**I know she's just teasing. If there is one thing in life I'm confident in, it's my… **_**endowment**_**.**

"**Are you shitting me?" I say, giving her my best fake incredulous look. My hands wrap around her torso, thumbs just under her boobs, each finger counting her ribs as I tickle and she starts to giggle.**

"**Yes!" she laughs hysterically, wiggling under my tickling hands, "I'm just shitting you! Stop! Yes The Big Chief is the biggest! Oh, hail Big Chief Black, the biggest dick in the Pacific Northwest." I tickle her ribs a little more, my face nuzzling into that nook at the base of her neck where she smells the best. "The biggest dick in Europe, too!" she cackles. I love her laugh, it's pretty and sexy and cute and irresistible all at once as it drifts out the open window to the **_**Piazza della Rotonda**_**.**

**My best friend's laugh. **

**God I love her…**

* * *

**Thanks Aretee for the beta work on this chapter.**

**The rooftop garden is a real place, ive been there, and It's not exaggerated.**

**Sarah, here's another chapter for you to snuggle up in bed with and read ;-)**

* * *

**Chapter 55- The climb to the top.**

I'm sound asleep; somewhere between the cliffs of Taylor's point back home and the memory of Nessie's ass last night, when the bed shifts under me. A little warm body presses against my back as soft lips kiss the bare skin of my shoulder blade. "Wake up sleepy head."

Behind my eyelids I can see the brightness of the morning, the quiet Sunday sounds of bells ringing and the rich smell of coffee coming from outside the window.

"Mmmmh, go away." I'm still tired. It was a late night for us. After our afternoon reaffirmation, we had dinner in the piazza below us and explored the local area for a bit before retiring to our _camera_\- that's Italian for 'room', Ness is slowly teaching me a few things. I also know the phrase _ti amo _is 'I love you' and after last night's rigorous testing of the king size bed in room 306, I also know that _più duro_ is 'harder' too.

She pushes me on the shoulder, "come on, I want us to go for a run."

"Didn't we get enough exercise last night?" I say into the pillow, just tilting my head and opening one eye towards her. She's already dressed, in a running t-shirt and shorts. Her hair's up in a high ponytail that's braided and falling down her back.

The plait hits me in the face as she jumps up on to the bed landing with both knees either side of my naked ass, her hands holding my shoulders as she leans down, her lips breathing warm, tickling air against my neck. "Get up," she whispers, "I have so much I want to show you before we go to the _Verano_."

Ah, now I get it. She wants to keep busy until we head to the cemetery. Well I guess that if exercise is a form of treatment for depression, then it stands to reason it might help with her grief.

"Alright," I moan, "can I at least take a piss first?"

She jumps off me like a springer spaniel, and leans back down for another quick, happy kiss as I roll over.

"Yes, you can even take a dump if you like."

"Oh, how gracious of you."

* * *

It's an amazing route she takes us on. First she leads us south, along some of the quieter cobbled city streets. Soon we find ourselves on a wide and expansive road. It's a busy street with spectacular, palatial type buildings lining it. For another few miles we run, both of us keeping a good pace despite our exertions last night, until we round a terraced corner.

Suddenly in front of us, as if popping out of nowhere, is the looming Colosseum. My pace picks up to get us there faster; I remember seeing this on TV when I was a little kid. It was some nighttime concert on TV, Pavarotti—or someone one like that— singing in the giant amphitheater, spot lights illuminating the arena in a golden hue. I remember that we all sat around the living room and watched it— it was the closest my mother ever got to going to the opera.

It hurts my neck to look up its fifty meter height as we jog around. Already tourists are posing in the gargantuan arches that are carved out with military like accuracy and uniformity as we start to circle around. We don't stop, tomorrow is the day we've planned to go inside these ancient ruins, but I can't help but slow and turn to run backwards for a bit. I can't get over how massive it is.

"The ancient Romans didn't do anything half-assed, did they?" I puff, keeping a slow sideways trot next to Ness.

With my thoughts still reeling from the overwhelming size of the ancient relic, she's pulling on my arm. "Come on ya Yankee Doodle, there's more to see, and we don't want our heart rates to drop." So I turn, picking up the pace and give Ness a friendly smack on the ass as I over take her. I push a little harder. Mom would have liked to have seen this place.

We skirt along the ruins of the Forum, cutting through until we get to the ancient track that once held chariot races bigger than Ben Hur.

_Today is a good day. _

We exit the Circus Maximus, veering off, and then down a busy street until we find the Tiber just after the little island that separates the ancient city with the new. We follow it upstream, the imposing castle of St. Angelo just across the river.

We veer away from the river bank and jog for another mile back in to the ancient city. Then suddenly, we're climbing up, up all one hundred and thirty-five of the Spanish steps. I think of dad as a church bell around the corner starts. He wouldn't have been able to climb these stairs. I do them two at time, just for him.

We weave through the throngs of crowds and soon we're running again, along a busier road. For another mile we run until she slows, stopping on a quiet corner. We've stopped by a little restaurant that has pretty little red flowers in boxes by their windows.

"One more stop before we go get ready for the cemetery," she says plucking a flower and tucking it behind her ear. She fishes around in a little pocket on her shorts and hands me a tarnished gold Euro. "They say that if you want to come back to Roma you have to throw this into the fountain."

I look around us, there's nothing but three story high apartments, small locally owned stores and the restaurant surrounding us.

"What fountain?"

She takes my hand, stepping us a few more feet until we turn the corner, the oppressive, narrow alleyway opening out into a large cool and bright piazza.

"_That_ fountain."

Her eyes lift up to the grand building towering over us and the incredible Trevi fountain in front.

It's humongous. The details are incredible, elaborate marble scenes of Roman gods and horses leaping out of the water. There are tourists everywhere. The coin Nessie just handed me is warm from being pressed against her body heat as we've jogged. I toss it up and down in my palm a few times as we walk closer to the marvelous creation. I take in the intricacies and then try to fathom, and fail, how such a scene could be chiseled out of the rough pieces of rock that you can still see at the edges of the sculpture. Then, before we reach the fountain, she stops, frozen just half a foot from the sandstone edge of the water.

Her eyes are distant, looking through the water spray as they start to get as wet as the statue of the god Ocean before us. She has a hold of the spirit pendant around her neck, back and forth it slides, the sound of the metal zipping together is lost in the noise of the crowds and the water as it spatters.

"What's wrong baby?" I thought we we're having a great morning jog. The best I've ever experienced to be honest.

Her smile lifts her lips, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Nothing," she says, biting her lip as I take her hands from the necklace she's pulling tight, the warm coin now pressing between us.

"What Ness? Tell me." I have a fleeting thought of her regretting her goodbye to Luca flashing in my mind. It's the kind of thought that Dr. Carmen really encourages me to fight, but it's hard to fight your own toxic thoughts.

She shrugs, still looking down. "Sorry, I'm just thinking about the last time I was here. My mom brought Luca and me after an obstetrics appointment, we had lunch around the corner and we tossed a coin and I promised myself I'd bring the baby back here one day."

I feel a hollowed out pit growing inside me. She said she told him goodbye yesterday. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Maybe she needs him and the memories he has to offer her. Maybe she needs him instead of me, either for just the procession we're going to take in an hour or two, or she needs him for much more than just a trip to their baby's tomb.

I love her and it almost kills me, but I have to offer, "You can go with Luca to the cemetery if you want. I don't have to go."

My voice betrays me, squeaking as I offer. I feel like throwing up at the thought of her leaning on him, instead of me.

She stops in front of me, looking up at me. "Oh god, no. That's the last thing I want, baby. I really… I… I really don't have any feelings for Luca. Whatever romantic notion I held that we shared something … it's gone. Maybe it's just been the passage of time, but it think it's just you, Jake. You're all I need in this life. _Sei il grande amore della mia vita_, Jacob, you are the love of my life. "

Her hand reaches up, a finger tucking a stray hair behind my ear. "I don't know what I did to deserve you Jake, but every single day of my life I'm grateful. Every day. It's just hard to think about his tiny little face."

Her eyes are brimming but she's refusing to cry here in such a public setting. I don't want to see her cry anywhere, _ever_.

Feeling a million miles away from the tourist filled courtyard at the foot on the world's most famous fountain, a million miles from our home, I'm just holding her by the hips, trapping her water-logged sunshine eyes with mine. We could be alone on top of T'ist'ilal's cliffs for all I know. All I see is this little woman in front of me, and she's hurting, and I want to make her happy.

"Do you not want to go?" I ask. If not Luca then it must be Angelus. Or the feeling going to visit his grave will undoubtedly stir up.

I don't want her to go to the cemetery just because she thinks _I_ want to. I don't. I mean, I'll go with her, but I don't have a driving need to visit the grave of a dead baby and to see Ness in tears.

She shrugs again, shaking her head, "Yes… No… I don't know," she whimpers wrapping her arm around my middle, pressing her face into my sweaty shirt. She inhales, for some weird reason getting a kick out of my sweaty smell. Whatever helps.

"Mmm, God you smell good," she mumbles into my shirt.

"You're changing the subject."

"I know."

"Do you want to go to the cemetery Ness? It's okay if we don't and it's okay if we do." I offer, wrapping my arm around her as we stand at the foot of the fountain, the occasional small splash cooling our sweaty, exercise-warmed skin. "It's for you Renesmee, whatever you need sweetheart, we'll do whatever you want."

She doesn't answer me, just drops her hands from around me and pulls back a little.

"Ness?" I ask as she reaches up, her arms bending behind her head as she fiddles with the chain around her neck. I don't even know if she's heard me she seems so lost inside her thoughts.

"Yes," she answers finally, meeting my eyes briefly before glazing over again. "I want to go to the cemetery." She starts to tear up, the little silver angle pendant falling away from her throat. "I want you to meet my angel. I want to bring him back here. And I want to let him go."

"Ness…" I caution as she prizes one of my hands off her hip and turns it over, palm up. She places the little angle pedant in my hand.

"I want to leave this here," she says. "Angelus needs this more than I do and I don't need something from Luca any more. That chapter's over."

"I don't know sweetheart, you don't have to do this," I say, pressing the pendant back into her hand. If it's going in the fountain she has to be the one to toss it.

This is her journey.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to, Jake. I think I _need_ to." She leans her body into me, using me as her pillar of support, her angel filled palm scrunched up in a ball as she clings to the cherry pendant still hanging by her heart.

"I promised I'd bring him back here," she mumbles against my shirt, her words vibrating on my skin. "And I'm keeping the promise. This way I can imagine him in the water, lost in a fantasy of Roman gods and horses coming to drink. The sounds of the water as it splashes and trickles, the sun warm and brilliant shining down."

Her eyes are overflowing now, two great big drops falling in a zigzag pattern down her porcelain cheek. The red little geranium is still hanging limply above her ear. She's like a more beautiful version of the statues above us.

"Help me?" she whispers, holding the angel pendant between our hands, the warm, old tarnished coin she gave me earlier clinking with the shiny, valuable silver.

I nod, and together we turn our back to the water. "Together," she says pulling our joined hands up to her lips, kissing the space between our palms. It's long and obviously painful for her—it's painful for me to watch—she presses her lips to our skin, caramel and cream, pausing for several seconds before pulling way.

"Bye-bye baby," she whispers. Our hands fling up, tossing the two discs over our shoulders, into the mere behind.

We move, sitting around the side of the fountain in a hot and sunny part of the piazza. I've pulled her onto my lap as she weeps giant hacks into my shoulder and I hold her to me, my large hands fanning over tiny ribs. There are no words, only she can get over this. Her sadness is contagious however and I fall into memories of my own loss, of my parents. My own tears are trying to push though. I miss my dad, his death is still raw and sometimes it hits me hard. Like now.

Ness holds me tight, pulling her breasts against my chest as we breathe in sync. We're like two lost souls, adrift at sea who have found each other as life preservers. We cling together, holding one another afloat on the busy streets of Rome.

* * *

We sit like this, wrapped around each other for several minutes, it's probably close to twenty minutes before we stop. My tears have dried already, I'm in a good place with my bipolar, I think everyone expected me to go nutso after dad died, but the medication is good, and the talk therapy is good, and I'm good. I can be good for Ness as she travels this hard road. I wipe her tears with the side of my thumbs and kiss her sweetly, my hands cupping her face. "Better?" is ask as my lips pull back.

She nods, smiling—it reaches her eyes, "You?"

"Yep, I haven't had a good cry for weeks."

This trip has been great, but there have been times where I just wanted to be home. I want to be able to sneak into his room and curl up on his bed. I didn't let the girls change the sheets and it still smells like him. At least it did before we left for Europe. Dr. Carmen says it's healthy to let stuff out, the trick is to use the tears as a balm and to no tell them consume you.

"Cathartic isn't it?" her forehead leaning on my shoulder as we look around to the crowds admiring the fountain.

The little red flower she has behind her ear is crushed and dulled now, from where it was pressed to my chest. I reach up, puling the limp lifeless thing out and show it to her. I think I'll keep it and press it in a book until it's dried.

"Doing anything with you on my lap is stimulating," I say, trying to lighten the mood so that it matches with the light, breezy, sunny day.

It will not consume me.

She just snickers, shaking her head and unwinding her legs from my lap.

"So much for keeping our heart rate up," Ness says as I stand, taking her by the hand.

"Nothing's stopping us from doing a sprint back to the hotel." I kind of feel like running off my woes.

She looks up at me, one eye brow arched, "we've never raced before, I might just give you a run for your money."

"Don't have any," I shrug, a teasing gilt in my eye. "I just threw it all in the fountain. And anyway, your little tiny legs are no match for my stilts."

Hand in hand we weave through the crowd, away from the piazza and down some more maze like cobble stones laneways. Ness has her phone and she checks it then looks up at me, "you may have bean pole legs Mr. Black, but don't forget that I can do the splits, and that exponentially increases the length of my stride."

"Is that a challenge Miss Cullen?"

"I believe it is," she nods, her face still a little blotchy from the earlier tears but her eyes showing no sight of the sorrow she just released. "GO!" she shouts, abruptly taking off into a full sprint. I keep stride with her easily. I'm over a foot taller than her, even with her crazy flexibility, she can't out run me. But I let her take the lead— I have no idea where we're going. At Nessie's full sprint pace we run left and then right then left again through the narrow streets.

It seems like such a random route to take, the backs of cafes and trattorias, we sprint past a little old lady sweeping out her front stoops. She calls out to us in a strong, yet aged voice as we rush past in a stream of giggles and hoots, the release from earlier lifting us to a hypomania. I'm aware of the feeling but it's not over taking me yet. I might be cycling up, but I've decided to just go with it right now. Even the good will not consume me.

We turn into an even smaller alley, there's washing hanging from windows above and more little flowers in little pots in window sills and front doorways. Still, I follow her, I'd follow her anywhere. With nothing but the background noise of the Roman streets, our labored breathing and our synchronized foot falls on the cobble stone paths, I follow her. Finally, after several minutes at a fast run she slows, coming to a walk as the narrow alley opens out to the old crumbling brick of the back of the Pantheon, our starting point.

In just over an hour –almost half of it her saying good bye to her lost child— Ness has managed to show me almost all the best sights of this overwhelming city. She's amazing. I like it here.

"I won," she puffs, bending over with hands on her hips, her lungs heaving for breath, her long plat falling over her shoulder.

"Whatever," I smile, "you totally know I let you win." I should at least pretend to be puffed.

She stands straight, eyes wide in mock disbelief, "you did not."

"You want me to prove it?" There's a challenge in my voice as we enter the piazza del Rotunda. "I'll give you a head start," I offer. My cheeks are pulling tight, I can feel the twinkle in my own eye.

Ness turns and walks backwards at me for a bit. "What do I get if I win?"

I shake my head, "not gunna happen."

"What if you win?" She's playing my teasing game, her hand on her hip, flexing and boosting her hourglass figure in those shorts.

"You'll just have to find out," I say, my tongue clinking in the back of my teeth. "Get going," I call, ushering her with my hands and she spins skipping ahead.

I follow, straight on her heels and she squeal's as she looks over her shoulder to see me right there. "Where's my head start?" she laughs loudly.

"Changed my mind," I say, gripping her with both hands and lifting her up. With the crowds in the Piazza all staring, Ness yelps and cackles as I toss her over my shoulder, slapping her ass for show as we enter the hotel foyer.

"It's a tie," I say shifting her on my shoulder, "we both win the prize." I don't wait for the elevator, taking the steps two at a time, Ness no heavier that our suit cases as I carry her caveman style.

"I love you," she says, smacking me on the ass. The dark cloud already lifted like a summer storm, harsh and brutal with its onslaught, but fleeting and fickle. It's cleansing and refreshing, and before long, clearing to a bright sunny day.

…

* * *

…

"I wish you'd tell me where we're going, I could help speak to the conductor." She's acting all annoyed at me, she doesn't like surprises, but she's not really annoyed, she's just a control freak. Don't care, I'm not telling her where we're going yet, she's just going to have to be patient. I want to make this surprise last.

We're at the main train station in Florence, sitting on our luggage as we wait for the 605 on platform three. "It's cool Ness, the ticket machines have English options," I smirk. She really does hate being in the dark about where we're going. But this is _my_ surprise, I've had it planned from when Marie and Tony gave us the tickets after graduation. As soon as I found out about the trip, I've had this secret detour in my head.

We've had a three hour layover between trains, and have just gotten back from the fastest tour of _Firenze_ in the history of tourism itself. We got the best dick shot photo on the statue of David replica that already has 23 likes on Facebook. A hot and heavy, tongue involved kiss on the _ponto vaccio_. I scoffed some really good pizza from a street vendor and Ness made me try some of her _Lampredotto_. It look me about four or five attempts to actually work up the nerve to bite into the _tripe_ sandwich, but I did. I hate to admit it, but it actually tasted pretty good. I ended up finishing what she couldn't eat.

So here we are, sitting on our hard cases with a belly full of cow's stomach lining, waiting for a train to a location I'm refusing to reveal. Eventually the train arrives and we board.

* * *

It's another three hours on the rural, outer suburban train. The Tuscan scenery flashes by as we travel, the train line weaving behind industrial areas and outlying suburbs. Our last changeover is in La Spezia, we get off at the very small outdoor station and again sit on our luggage once again.

"La Spezia?" she asks, taking out two peaches we bought in Florence, biting into hers and then handing me one.

"Yep," I say, biting into the juicy yellow flesh, the explosion of sweetness covering my tongue.

"La Spezia; as in the largest city from Cinque Terre; as in the five lands of Cinque Terre; the ones that you can hike between that are on my bucket list but I've never managed to make it there... Cinque Terre?!"

"Really?" I say, doing my best to fake ignorance. "Are we near that place?" I take another bite of my peach, inspecting it so to avoid looking at her and inadvertently caving.

She nods, not buying my fake ignorance for one second. We have no secrets Ness and me. I'm surprised I didn't blurt it out the minute I booked the hotel from her lap top when she was taking a shower one night back home.

"Yes. We're very close to the area actually." She chews slowly on her fruit, talking with her mouth full, "I'd say this is the best place to catch a train there, now that I think of it." She shuffles her ass on the suit case, wheeling it just that little bit closer to me and swallowing. "Please, please, _please_ tell me we're going to Cinque Terre!" Her hands are linked together, a half-eaten peach between her palms in a begging plea.

I don't get to answer her, the Italian announcement of out train's arrival interrupting us. Ness listens, squealing and jumping up and nearly knocking me off my suitcase seat as she launches herself at me for a hug. "Oh my god, I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Oh god, Jacob you are the most amazing human being on the face of this earth."

I'm being smattered by peach scented kisses. Sticky and sweet and simply perfect. The perfect reward for my surprise. I stand, pulling her up with me and holding her still for a second to give her a decent kiss before pulling back. "Come on," I smile, lifting the sticky handle thing on my case up and nodding towards the now stationary train and taking another bite. "Let's try to get a seat on the left side, apparently the views from the train line are extraordinary."

* * *

The views _are_ extraordinary. The trip is just over an hour long; miles of tunnels of darkness or rocky cliff faces to then be suddenly flashed into the sunlight of the Ligurian Sea. Vivid azure blue breath-taking ocean just out the window as the train travels on the edge of the volcanic cliff face before we're launched back into a dark tunnel again.

We get off the train at Monterosso, the station is up a story higher than the shore line and from the ticket booth there is an uninterrupted view of the prefect sapphire blue sea once again.

With luggage in tow, we start up the cobblestone road that leads to the old part of town. The hotel is an out of the way _albergo_, set a few blocks back from the rocky beach. Even though it's only a few blocks back, it's still in the last, little lane in this tiny little beautiful fishing village.

The building is nestled into the rugged, cliffy countryside that the town is built into. I help Ness lift our cases up the half flight of stairs leading to the reception area.

We're greeted by a middle aged Italian woman behind the counter, she puts down the novel she's reading, greeting us with a "_ciao come stai_?"

Ness starts into the Italian, conversing and laughing with the lady while I try to follow along. But it's hard and they talk too fast.

With a smile, a handful of brochures and a little brass key attached to a big plastic toggle, we make our way up to find our room.

It's a lot smaller than any of the ones we've stayed in so far on this trip. In fact it's so small that there is only just enough room to walk around the bed and one little shelf for one of our suitcases. It's all I could afford. It's expensive here in high season. But it's ours and it's from me. I've wanted to pay her back for all the things she's given me for such a long time. This is a good start. It's got a bathroom, a bed, and a beautiful view. It's all we need. All I want is the bed, the view is an added bonus. And what a bonus.

There are double doors at the end of the bed. I push open the storm doors, the sound of the church bells is suddenly louder this side of the glass. "Wow," I breathe, calling out over my shoulder, "check this out, Ness."

She climbs over the mattress, standing on the end, and for once, taller than me. She leans her elbow on my shoulder. "This is amazing Jake," she whisper-smiles into my ear, the awe and affection and general love of life shining in her sweet mixed-continental voice, "you did good babe, you did really good."

We step out on the balcony, it's no more than three feet wide and maybe four feet long. But the view from up here is so cool, it overlooks the entire town, a palate of terracotta tiles, and golden cream plastered terrace houses haphazardly placed like a cubist painting rolled into an impressionist landscape.

"The lady in reception said that there is garden behind the hotel that all the guests have access to. We should check it out," she says as we look out over the town and to the monastery up the side of the wooded cliffs to our right. My chest is pressed to her back, my arms caging her in as I lean my hands on the railing and we breathe in sync.

With our luggage still packed and the bed unused, we head up to the top floor and follow the signs to the garden.

The rear external door slams behind us with a heavy bang as we find our way outside. Up and up my eyes go, looking higher and higher, to rows of trees and plants, searching up for what looks like acres of terraces. They're like steps made for Gulliver himself, the terraces lead up the mountain above us as far as the eye can see. The rock seeded path zigzags back and forth, winding up the edible garden—and we're free to roam it all.

Ness is off, skipping up the dug-out stairs that are lined with large flat rocks. She points out all the different herbs that are planted in large square beds; oregano and sage, a great big expanse of basil lined with marigolds. I run my hand along a large bush of rosemary, the thin arm like needle projections almost as tall as Ness. I smell my hand, the pine mustard scent reminding me of the herbed bread Nessie's mom made for breakfast the morning of Renesmee's birthday.

"Figs!" she squeals, reaching up on tippy toes to reach the ripening fruit as it hangs off a low branch.

I catch up to her, reaching up and picking a few more that are up higher. "I've never had figs." I'm not sure if I want to either; they kind of look like testicles hanging off the branches.

"Oh, here then," she says, her fingers splitting the fruit in half. I inwardly cringe as the little sack shapes get opened up, the flowery like pink insides opening out as she hands me a half. "You can eat it skin and all." I see the light in her eyes, as she looks up at me expectantly, she loves watching my reaction to new things. I love experiencing new things with Ness by my side.

So I suck it up and bite into the pinky-purple fruit, it's warm from the afternoon sun, and the mildly sweet fruit is a mixture of soft flesh, crunchy seeds and chewy smooth skin. "S'good," I mumble through a mouthful of scrot like fruit.

She nods and smiles then moves on up a few steps to the next terrace, veering off the narrow path and ducking under the lichen branches of the small olive grove that's here.

I follow her, reaching up and picking a ripe looking olive off and popping it in my mouth. I bite into the firm flesh and immediately I spit it out, "fuck that's disgusting," the bitter, woody taste coating my teeth.

Ness looks at me over her shoulder, laughing and swinging on a branch, the picturesque town of Monterosso Al Mare beneath us. "You can't eat them raw Jake they have to be salted and cured first."

I spit out a little bit more, it's really a very heinous taste, "How the hell was I supposed to know?"

"You weren't" she sooths, jumping down from her swinging branch and taking me by the hand. "Let's get you something to fix it."

We walk hand in hand up another terrace, still more olive trees and then swing around and up to a vegetable garden area. There are stakes of tomatoes and beans, rows of lettuce and vines of zucchini still in flower.

I stuff my face with a few little tiny grape tomatoes that were hanging ripe on the plant in a cluster, the sweet tangy flavor busting in my mouth and expelling the bitterness from before.

"Better?" she smiles, stepping up on a half wall of piled rocks and leaning over to kiss my tomato-ie lips.

"Much," my hand cups over her little jaw to pull her back in for one more sweet press.

We pull apart and she stands and looks over the scene before us as the church bells starts to toll again. It's a never ending thing over here. Bells to say good morning, bells to say good night, bells to say come to church, bells to say just about any sort of announcement. Bells to say Jake and _Ranessa_ are kissing.

I look around the valley we're in, the mountains either side of us. It's a beautiful view from up here, we really are above the town, all the crammed together houses leading down to the rocky beach and the blue ocean beyond. I can see the monastery to our right more clearly from up here. "I wonder if we could go see up there," I say pointing to the large crucifix that's standing tall at the top of the outcrop the other side of the high side of the basin.

I get no answer and turn around to find Ness no longer standing behind me. "Ness?" I yell out.

"Up here!" comes her voice from somewhere in the grove of trees above.

I jump up another terrace level, through plants of lavender and nasturtium, there is a little roughly paved area with a small table set up to allow guests to admire the view. There is a network of wire frames with grape vines rambling overhead so I step up another terrace to look around but I'm still unable to see her.

"Ness?!"

"Up here Jake, come up here!" I take the next steps up in a single giant step, into a lemon tree grove and then above me further still until finally, I see her. A little five foot one woman in a pair of white capris and an olive green shirt at the top of a twenty foot tree. A cherry tree.

"Oh my god, Jake! Come up here! You've got to come up here. This is amazing," she exclaims, her eyes ablaze as she looks down at me as I reach the base of the tree she's in. "Can you believe this?" she calls out, "I'm at the top of a cherry tree, picking the best fruit."

I don't know how the hell she's gotten up there. Or how fast.

"Jump" she calls out.

So I do, my hands reaching up and I pull myself up, and start the climb. Ness reaches her cherry pink stained hand out to me as I near the top and I take it, more as a gesture of support and trust than to use her as an actual prop—I'm pretty sure I'd pull her out of the tree if I used her to lift myself up. I sit myself on a forked branch Ness on one side of the main trunk, me on the other. I don't really trust these branches, there is a small wind but the tree is still swaying back and forth, the occasional little cherry falling from the branches above, one hitting me on the shoulder and I catch in against my shirt popping it in my mouth.

"Good, hey?" she asks, swinging behind a branch and stepping on the one I'm sitting on. She leans over me, looking at me the wrong way up. Just the little cherry pendant hangs from her neck now. It falls down, tapping against her upside-down jaw. Her smile is content and loving, her hair a tangled mess of copper as it hangs down in a wave of ringlets.

"Told you the best fruit is at the top; you have to work for it, you have to wait for it." She has a few more cherries in her hand and pops one in her mouth and reaches out to give me one more too. "You're worth the wait too sweetheart… but it's no work," she smiles with cheeks full. "Love you, thank you for bringing me here."

I reach up, tipping my head back and kissing her cherry lips. "You are most welcome tiny dancer. _Ti amo con tutta l'anima._" She beams at my attempt to profess my heart and soul. I think I said it right.

I've been practicing that one for ages.

* * *

**_Translation_: I love you with all my soul.**

**Thanks for reading folks. One more chapter to go.**

**For everyone who got a blank PM from me the last few chapters, sorry about that glitch. I think I've figured it out and you'll get actual messages from me if you review this chapter.**

**I suppose that means you'd better review to find out! ;-D**

**Ciao, Marina.**


	56. Chapter 56 - A Leap of Faith

**Last Time on P &amp; C's…**

"**La Spezia?" she asks, taking out two peaches we bought in Florence, biting into hers and then handing me one.**

"**Yep," I say, biting into the juicy yellow flesh, the explosion of sweetness covering my tongue.**

"**La Spezia; as in the largest city from Cinque Terre; as in the five lands of Cinque Terre; the ones that you can hike between that are on my bucket list but I've never managed to make it there Cinque Terre."**

"**Really?" I say, doing my best to fake ignorance. "Are we near that place?" I take another bite of my peach, inspecting it so to avoid looking at her and inadvertently caving.**

**She nods, not buying my fake ignorance for one second. We have no secrets Ness and me, I'm surprised I didn't blurt it out the minute I booked the hotel from her lap top when she was taking a shower one night back home. **

"**Yes. We're very close to the area actually." She chews slowly on her fruit, talking with her mouth full, "I'd say this is the best place to catch a train there now that I think of it." She shuffles her ass on the suit case, wheeling it just that little bit closer to me and swallowing. "Please, please, please tell me we're going to Cinque Terre!" Her hands are linked together, a half-eaten peach between her palms in a begging plea.**

**I don't get to answer her, the Italian announcement of out train's arrival interrupting us. Ness listens, squealing and jumping up and nearly knocking me off my suitcase seat as she launches herself at me for a hug. "Oh my god I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Oh god Jacob you are the most amazing human being on the face of this earth." **

**I'm being smattered by peach scented kisses. Sticky and sweet and simply perfect.**

* * *

**Thanks Aretee for Beta'ing this for me. You did good.**

**So… (Insert author taking a big, sad, bolstering breath)… here we go. The final chapter, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 56 – A leap of Faith**

We're enjoying diner by the shore, a small trattoria with alfresco dining. It only has a few things on the menu, but it's all fresh and it's all superb; it's the second night we've eaten here. Both Ness and I have chosen the _linguine ai frutti di mare_, aka, seafood marinara, only way, way better. Shrimp, scallops, muscles, calamari rings and little clams still in their shell cooked in a fresh tomato sauce. All off it caught fresh today by the local fisherman, the tomato I imagine was picked this morning off a vine. I had the same last time too. I really like the food here.

"You ready for tomorrow?" I ask, twisting a great big roll of linguine on my fork, a piece of bread in my hand to help.

She nods, "it's gunna be so good, I just hope the rain holds off." We're hiking the mountain trail between the towns of Monterosso and Vernazza and then further on to Corniglia tomorrow. It should take us most of the day. The weather forecast says it might rain, I still want to hike anyway.

"I was thinking we could catch a ferry between the third and first town, I can't remember its name."

"Riomaggiore," she answers automatically, picking the sweet-salty flesh of calm from its shell.

"Yeah. You want to catch the ferry there seeing as that track is washed out?"

Ness picks up her glass of white, her eyes sparkling more than the Bosco she sips. I know this look, she's got some kind of secret up her sleeve and she's gunna pretend she doesn't. But I don't even come close to buying it, she doesn't get anything past me. I know her too well. "Yes," she answers coyly, "I'd love to catch the ferry to Riomaggiore."

"I know you're got something up your sleeve." I've learnt to just get it all out with Ness. She'll either spill it as soon as I ask, or wait until she's good and ready."

She gives me a cute, guilty look, then pointedly glances at her bare arms, left and then right, her Mediterranean tan glowing in the evening light. She has on a sleeveless dress tonight, it's sunshine yellow, with a belt around her tiny waist. She looks so pretty, her skin is radiant against that bright color. "What sleeves," she says coquettishly, shifting in her seat and crossing her legs.

I just look at her through good humored, narrowed eyes. Not until she's good and ready.

My eyes trace over her, taking in the little bit of thigh she's inadvertently exposed as she's crossed her legs. I bet that dress will look even better on the floor. Then she'll be good and ready. I know I already am. And we're not talking about surprises anymore.

* * *

We take our time finishing our bottle of wine and just enjoying the sounds and the smells surrounding us and simply enjoying being in each other company in this amazing slice of heaven. I pay the bill, and we get gelato at the shop next door to go. Slowly we walk around the cobbled, pedestrian-only streets of this beautiful town. The evening bells have stopped and all we can hear is the rhythmic lap of the waves on the rocky shore and the quite hum of locals in their houses as they eat their evening meals.

"Do you think you should give my car an oil change before we list it?" she asks as we head up the gentle slope towards our hotel. We have only three more nights in Italy, then we have two weeks back home before heading out on a week long trek across the country to college.

"Yeah definitely, yours first, then I'll do a really good one on mine before we set off." We're going to drive in my car to our new home in Massachusetts. Ness is going to sell her Volvo, she never really wanted it and there's no need for us both to have one in Cambridge. Besides, we'll use some of the proceeds to help fund the road trip—we're both broke after traveling Europe for a month and a half. When we get to the East coast I'm gunna sell the Rabbit and we're going to buy a car together. Our first joint-owned purchase. We're both excited about it. We're both hoping it will be the first of many things we buy together.

We step up into the little marble lined lobby. "I'm gunna have to create a new play list for this road trip. Are you as sick of the same music as I am?"

I nod, holding the stairwell door open for her and follow her sexy ass up the steps after she passes by, the scent of her exotic spice drifting in the air behind her. I feel like Pepe LePew, floating on the eddies of my lovers scent. "I like the songs, don't get me wrong," I say, "but I've kind of had enough of Billy Joel for a life time."

"Bottle of white…" she sings, her soprano voice echoing up the fire escape shaft. I love that she breaks into song sometimes… just because she can. And just because I can, and because I love her and we run on the same wave length, and she's my soul mate and my better half, I answer right back… in song.

"Bottle of red…" my voice isn't as sweet as hers, but it's fun joining in on the little joke we've had going these last two weeks we've been in Italy. We've been living out the old song in the flesh, the rendezvous picture that the first few verses of the song _Scenes of an Italian Restaurant_ paints, exactly reflecting our life this last couple of weeks. It's become a kind of theme song as we've enjoyed our fair share of good wine across a table, face to face. Tonight being no exception. We're not drunk, just tipsy… or _brillo_ as the locals say it.

"Perhaps a bottle of rose instead," she sings, yelping and giggling as I slap her on the ass as I follow behind as she climbs the steps. That pretty yellow dress is swaying as her hips shift from side to side as she moves. That color is really _very_ good on her. God, she has good legs. I'm _really_ good and ready now.

I step up behind her, lifting her up the next step and pressing her against the wall of the stairs.

"It all depends upon your _appetite_," I rumble-sing, hopefully giving her a clear message of my current craving. I press the semi that's burgeoning through my chinos into her stomach. I look down at her, hungry for more than just the amazing pasta we just ate.

I love that she's always so in tune with me, always wanting me as much as I want her. Hardly a day has gone by this entire trip where Ness and I haven't been together intimately in some way, shape, or form. But tonight, after watching her legs peak out from under this simple and alluring dress she's got on, I want to have my way, feel her shape and show her my form, all in the one sitting.

By the smoldering look she's giving me, she wants these same things too.

She's on the step above me, it brings her closer to my height but the short ass is still smaller. "That's the wrong line," she smiles, looking up at me with sparking, happy eyes. She reaches her arms up, winding them around my neck and arching her back, pressing her prefect breasts against me.

"No, I think it's spot-on." It's not, but it's the part of the song my dick wants to sing right now.

My lips reach hers and we stand wrapped around one another, making out in the quiet stairwell just before the landing of floor three of the _Albergo Degli Amici._

Her hands are weaving through my hair, pulling out the tie and undoing the last two buttons of my polo as mine hold her close, lifting her up higher with hands on her ass and waist. My whole body is pressing her against the stucco walls; I press as much of me against as much of her as I can. Her lips are so soft, her little tongue whirls around mine, tracing over my teeth. I deepen our kiss, pressing even harder against her as my tongue traces over the little ridges of the top of her mouth. Her leg lifts and wraps around my hip, the billowy yellow material of her dress bunching and falling up towards her hips as my large hand takes a hold of her bare and exposed thigh.

* * *

We're so absorbed in one another, it's not until they're on the landing beneath us that we hear a couple come up behind us. We pull apart at the sound of their footsteps on the marble. Panting with red swollen lips we smile at having be caught only a few feet for our room and I let Nessie's leg drop, her dress falling back down to just above her knee.

"Evening," the man says in an Australian accent, winking at me and helping his wife past, "don't let us stop you."

"Tim!" the woman admonishes with a smile, tapping him playfully on the arm as they head up to the next floor.

Ness and I giggle, the sound echoing up. I release her enough so we can step up the last few steps and into our room arm in arm. We feel like honeymooners, insatiable and so in love.

* * *

We waste no time getting into our room, the heavy door shutting with a solid thud behind us. We stand face to face, slowly undoing belts, unpeeling clothes off one another, our lips sinking back together in a heated press as the layers fall away.

Nessie's skin has taken on a golden hew these last few weeks with all the sunshine, and she looks magnificent in the low light from the sideboard lamp. I step back from her, taking her in as she stands in the entry way waiting for me to love her. She's bare foot, her bra lost in the undressing, her soft round breasts full and perky. She's still got on a creamy pair of panties with little white lace details on the sides, they hug over her hips and leave her silky legs bare and shapely.

"God you're beautiful," I say, kneeling down in front of her, my face now in line with her boobs. I take both breasts into my hands, molding and pressing them together, lining each pink little nipple up to suck in sequence; left and then right. Her hands comb through my hair, holding me close as I tease and taste the sweetness of her flesh.

She leans down, kissing the crown of my head as I nuzzle, her hands smooth over my shoulders, then down my back and up along my lats. It sends an anticipative shiver over me, her soft hands and little fingers delicately playing with the lines of my muscle.

My fingers hook over the top lace of her panties, sliding them down over her bottom and down her legs. She leans a hand on my bare shoulder, stepping out, flashing me her little pink petals as she does.

I hunch down, pressing my face into the tiny strip of hair she keeps and inhale her muskiness before just tickling her clit with my tongue and then blowing out a warm teasing breath against it. I want to love her in all the right ways, but she's too short to do it like this.

I stand, getting rid of my boxers as I do, and scoop her up. Gently I lay her on the bed before climbing up with her. My body is sprawled over hers, my forearms supporting me just above her so I don't crush her as we kiss some more. She pulls me closer to her, her little hands sliding up and down the center of my spine and holding my ass as she tilts her hips to give the chief access. I make a "nah-ah" sound into her mouth, shaking my head as my lips start their travels over her body. We're taking our time tonight.

Over her face I pepper kisses, nuzzling and playing with that sweet spot she had just behind her ear.

One hand finds her boob, pinching the hardened nipple gently between my fingers as my mouth finds the other one. We play there, my hand and my mouth, for a little while, whilst her fingers still trace over muscles and comb through my shoulder length hair.

Then I shift, sliding both my legs between hers and sliding down to her tummy. I land soft kisses on her stomach, enjoying the softness and feminine roundness that is my woman. Her legs shift, her knees opening wider, but I don't go down further. Instead I sit back a little, picking up a foot with both hands.

I hold her ankle reverently and she relaxes control of her limb. I maneuver her so I can place a soft kiss on the instep, a small ticklish titter escaping her smiling lips, before I add more kisses in a trail along the inside of her leg. I reach her apex, pressing a short promising kiss on her clitoris before picking up the other foot and starting the trail once again. I love worshiping her body.

There isn't anything much softer in this world that the inside of Renesmee Cullen's thigh, my lips grazing over both sides, back and forth I kiss, adding little nips to the sensitive tendon at her smooth bikini line. Then I find the only thing softer than her inner thigh; her inner secret. My fingers open her up, glistening and hot after so much preparation.

She lets out a frustrated moan as I lightly kiss the edges of her vulva, my tongue playing and teasing her lips but never touching that central bundle of nerves that brings her to the top. "You know you're killing me right?" she says to the celling, her thighs closing and holding my head in a vice. I muffle out a laugh, nodding, my tongue playing up and back along the dampness of her slit, my nose rubbing her pearl to give her just a little reprieve.

Her thighs open like a clam shell in my _linguine ai frutti di mare_. Then I let myself taste her, really taste. She's salty and sweet and musky, and my dick feels so full it just might explode. I sink my first finger into her, pressing up as my tongue circles around, flicking her clit. Around and around it presses, her hips responding immediately with sharp jerks of pleasure, her own hands finding her breasts and she tweaks and plays with her nipples.

This goes on, sucking and flicking, until her hips are lifting off the covers and her breathing is erratic and fast. Her body is tense and quivering, she's making quiet, happy, content noises, and they spur me on as they drift out the window to the quite streets below. They're actually her aroused noises. I've learnt all her little noises. I like these sounds coming from her lips.

I keep up the suction, pulling and drawing on her clit in long measured pulses until she starts to pant, a long keening moan building up to a full lunged wail of ecstasy as she has her first orgasm of the night. Maybe we should shut the window.

I lick and play with her private satin flesh until her hands are on my forehead, pushing me away from her sensitive parts so that I can't keep licking as she starts to come down from her high. I sit up, happy to just look at her in her post climactic glow.

Her silhouette sets a beautiful shape against the shadows of this warm summer evening. Her vulva is a dark pink, engorged and glistening in the soft light. Her toned legs are bent up and curled to the side, lying where they fell as she now rests on the edge of carnal oblivion. Her hands are limp over her chest, no longer massaging and pinching. The ruby class ring I gave her is permanently gracing the third finger of her right hand.

She has a blush that starts above her breasts and it spreads up her throat, to her peachy cheeks. Her lips are still a little swollen from our passionate kissing earlier, and they're just as rosy pink as they always are. Her eyes are closed, her dark brown lashes fanning on her cheeks. Then they slowly open, rich hazelnut orbs finding mine through lazy lids of contentment. She smiles, her straight white teeth shining in the dim light as she bites down on her lower lip, slowly pressing down on the mattress and sitting up. This is the woman before me. She's so beautiful. I'm the luckiest man alive to possess the love of this demi-god.

She shifts up on to her knees, sitting with her legs tucked under her as her fingers reach out and trickle down my chest and over my abs, before one of her little miniature hands grab my dick and starts up a pumping rhythm. She leans closer to me, kissing my quim covered lips, "my turn."

* * *

Ness presses lightly on my arm and I let myself fall sideways on the bed, lying back as she continues to slide her hand up and down my shaft. For such a little woman she's got an amazing grip on her. And as her mouth covers the head of my penis, I revel on just how great her linguistic skills are too.

She lets all the saliva pool, using it as lube as her hand keeps time with her lips. Up, down and around her mouth goes. She's steady, she's firm, she's wet; she keeps a metronomic beat… she's perfect. Every now and then she takes me deeper, I can feel the pressure as my dick hits the end of her throat as she swallows around it. It's so fucking good, I'm tempted to cum in her mouth. But I want to have my way with her, so before I do, I pull back.

"Turn over for me," I say, manhandling her a little so that she's on her hands and knees. Her legs spread wide as I kneel behind.

We both let out a satisfied groan as I enter. She's warm and tight… and home. With both hands grip her hips I thrust and she pushes back into me as I surge forwards. In tune with each other we move, back and forth, rocking on the bed we go.

She lowers after a few minutes, her face pressing into the white linen sheets, her round ass up high in the air still. I love it when she does this, it tilts her hips and it allows me to go even deeper, pressing and rubbing on her sweet spot to boot. Her arm disappears under her, and I can feel the tightening of her walls rippling over my shaft as she rubs herself. It doesn't take long for her to reach her second high. Her calls are muffled as she presses her face into the sheets. I'm determined that this won't be her final one either.

I don't let her rest, holding her hips even tighter and keep on to pounding into her. She's so tiny that my thrusting has her moving, inch by inch up the bed. I want to see her face, so I pull out, flipping her in one smooth motion.

Her legs open and I lower myself down, kissing her as I slide back into her heat. "I love you," I say, hunching down so that I can still kiss her and still make love to my little cherry sundae, both at the same time.

She bridges off the mattress, meeting me with each thrust, I'm trying to keep it a slow and steady pace.

Her hands are in my hair again, holding me hostage to her lips. "God you feel so good tonight," she mumbles onto my mouth, one hand sliding down to grip my ass and pulling me in harder to her and trying to guide me faster. "I love you so much Jake."

I fight her on the speed she's trying to set. She wants fast, but I give her long and slow. I'm gunna show her my form tonight. Pulling my dick out until it almost exits her, the very edge of my head flicks over the outer rim of her vagina before slowly, with the patience of a saint, I drive back in. This is how we go, slowly out, then pausing at the apex, before slowly advancing and being enveloped by her warmth once more. Each forwards advance pressing her clit between us once more. I can feet the little ripples with each drive.

This feeling is amazing, pure unadulterated pleasure encapsulating The Big Chief, concentrating in his head as he comes home to Nessie's embrace. Slowly, like a steam locomotive as it builds up pressure, the pistons start to chug, in and out, a pause at the apex, her hands on my back, and my tongue inside her mouth; in and out, a pause at the apex, around and around the locomotion we go. Slowly we speed up as the pressure builds, faster and faster, still in and out, her hands still on my back, my lips still pressed to hers, but no pause at the apex now.

Her hips are meeting mine, each thrust slamming her clit between us. In and out, her hands on my back, my lips now panting above her as our eyes lock in silent communication of our all-consuming love.

In and out, each thrust causing a rippling of her walls around me, her hands are gripping hard at my sides, pulling me harder and faster, urging me on. Our eyes glaze over as I pause at the apex, diving in deep and hard. Her walls throb out her third and final climax of the night as I explode in a hot eruption of volcanic heat and magma. "Ness!" I shout, one more thrust as the last of my seed is expelled.

I kiss her, hard. It's closed mouthed, but it's passionate and real; and totally uncoordinated as my lips slide off hers and down her cheek to her throat, my body sinking and relaxing on top of her softness at the same time.

We lay like this for ages. Catching our breath, trying to make sense of place and time as we both come back to land. I'm still hard within her, her legs curled up behind me, her tiny feet resting in the back of my knees. I roll us, pulling her on her side with me as I tuck her into my chest, her top leg curls over my thigh to keep us still joined. I love that she's so small I can just position her where I want her. I think she likes it too.

"Love you so much Ness," I say, my face buried in to her warm, spiced curls, both hands crisscrossing over her back in an intense embrace. She holds my arm, her fingers griping the bicep holding her secure as she kisses my chest.

"Love you too, Jake. More than anything."

We fall asleep like this, naked, joined as closely as two human beings can be, me holding the love of my life, and Ness snuggled up into my warmth.

* * *

…

* * *

We wake not to the dependable church bells at eight, but instead, of our on our own accord— as God intended. Ness rolls over, snuggling up against my back, her warm breath ticking my spine.

"Morning," she says sleepily.

I turn over, pulling her against me, a hand automatically finding a bare tit. "Morning."

We lay like this for a while, dozing and just content in one another's arms. My hands are busy exploring her skin though as we lie here. Over the curve of her hip my hand travels back and around her perfect ass and down her thigh, as far as I can reach, before coming up her back then across, making sure her boobs get a little more good exploration too.

She gets up to pee and I follow, both naked as I watch her and she watches me. We have no secrets, Ness and me. We both snuggle back into bed after our pit-stop, pulling the covers over us. It's a little cooler this morning after the rain last night. But it's stopped for now, so we should be alright for our hike today.

I'm thinking about seeing if she's up for a little morning quickie when I'm interrupted buy the melodic tune of Nessie's laptop announcing the arrival of an incoming video message. It's only six-thirty, but that means it's only ten-thirty back home. We shuffle in the bed, and I reach over and put the computer on the bed between us.

"Don't point the screen at me!" she screeches jumping up to find some clothes, "I'm naked Jake."

I am too, but I have the sheet over my hips, hopefully my boner is out of shot.

I answer, the screen flashing up to the climbing vines on the wallpaper of Quil's basement, a half dozen familiar faces shuffling for attention on the screen.

"I think I just saw Ness's ass!" comes a shout from the laptop, the first thing that's said as the line connects. I can see in the little square at the bottom of the screen that, whoops, probably should have been tilted it a little closer to the bed.

"All right Cameron, stop perving on my girl," I laugh, looking at Ness over my shoulder as she pulls one of my t-shirts over her head, her ass covered for the time being. I turn back to the screen, "How are you guys?"

Embry pushes in front of the screen, his big head taking up most of the view, "we're good, having a final hoorah before you too losers get back."

"Sure, sure. I know it's really just an excuse to get together and talk about how much you miss us!"

There's a raucous of denial, laughter and cheers. I think there all drunk.

Ness comes to sit behind me, her chin resting on my shoulder, "Hey guys."

"Ness!" calls Raven from underneath Embry's arm, "when are you coming back? I've been missing you."

"We'll be back on Tuesday Rave. You'll have to catch me up on all the goss."

Kim comes into the shot then, handing Raven a can of UDL. I wonder where they got the alcohol from when my sister and Leah shove everyone out of the way to say hello too. Ness and all the girls talk for a little while. My hands scoot under that t-shirt of mine she's got on and I play with the soft skin of her ass as they chat.

That is until Rachel starts on me.

"How have you been? Really Jake, are you okay?" she asks.

I nod and start to mollify her when she's picked up by two large brown arms and shifted to the side by Paul. It's still a little weird seeing them so openly together. They look happy though, so I'm happy for them too. I can see the side of Sam's tattooed arm as Lee-lee is ungraciously pulled away too.

Then the boys all squash into the screen, someone's bare ass briefly covering the screen for a second until it's shoved away.

"Get your ass away from the camera Seth!" Nessie laughs. How does she know what his ass looks like? I'm kind of glad I don't, that could be weird.

"Hey you two! Bring her back Jake, we're missing her littleness," Seth is out of his skull.

"Does anyone miss _me_?" I moan a fake gripe. "Maybe I'll just stay over here."

"Have you gone all pussy emo on us again? Maybe you should just stay in _Jake's a big vagina land_," laughs Lahote, as he walks behind the other guys, tipping a Budweiser up.

"Hey Emb?" I say. He knows what I want.

"On it," he winks, spinning around and landing a punch on Paul's arms, his beer spilling on his shirt and setting them off in a mock rumble in the jungle.

Jared comes back to the screen next to Seth, "but seriously, you guys are having a good time?"

"The best, J. This place we're in right now is just like a post card."

"Speaking of, Rave got the one you sent from London in yesterday's mail."

"Oh shit!" squeals Seth, clapping his hands together in such a girly way. Sometimes I wonder at how I never realized he's gay. "You guys are not gunna believe it, Quil's got himself a girlfriend!"

"What!?" I yell out, faking to be utterly shocked and surprised. It's not that much of an act to be honest. I just realized that they're all at his house, but he's not said hi to us yet. He must be otherwise indisposed. Holy shit, he really does have a girl to keep him busy.

"She's one of Ravens friends," Jared explains. "We all went up to have a day at Shi-Shi beach and a whole heap of her friends came too… And well, you know Quil when there's chicks around that aren't his cousins. He was trying to show off, doing really bad back flips on the sand and shit. And then Claire comes over, all "I'll show this dude how to do a back flip", and she takes off her dress, and right there, in just this little orange bikini, she does, like, a million summersaults and well… Quil couldn't take his eyes off her from them on in."

"He's a persistent fucker, I'll give him that much," comes a southern sounding female voice from off screen that I don't know.

"You know you love being chased." It's Quil, he's got a big bag of Doritos in his hand and he passes it to the others as he moves in front of the screen, pulling a busty blond woman to his side. Definitely not his cousin.

"Guys this is Claire," he says to us, pulling her even closer to him. He looks like a different guy. Happy and content and, I'd hazard a guess by how cozy they are, no longer a desperate virgin.

"Hi," both Ness and I say, checking out the newest addition to our little pack. She's curvy and tall, and oh shit, that there is one _huge_ set of cans. He's gone and got himself a Kate Upton doppelgänger. She's a fair bit older though. I'd even guess she's even older than my sisters and Leah. She's got sandy blond hair that falls just below her shoulder line, blue eyes, a button nose and pink, rosy cheeks. She's definitely not Makah.

"So this is the infamous Jake and Ness," she says to us. "Nice to finally meet you guys. They're all hanging out for you to come back."

"You'll have to come and visit when we get back," Ness says smiling, as happy for Quil and I am.

"Yeah I will, my research is almost done, so I'm gunna move to Forks before semester starts back and see what I else I can get at La Push."

We both look at her weirdly. "Claire is a marine biologist," Ateara pipes in, "she's doing her PhD, studying the microorganism's found in the driftwood."

"Quil is insistent that the driftwood of first beach is better," she says dryly, looking up at him and they kiss briefly. "I think he just wants me closer for his booty calls though." Even out of view, it's obvious she's pressed her ass against his dick.

I just start coughing as I try to hold in my shock. Wow, a collage girl, she must be at least in her mid-twenties. I would have thought she's _waaaaaaay_ out of Quil's league too. But holy shit, good on him. Who would have thought; Quil, my friend with the mind of an eight year old, with a hot older woman? The words 'booty call' and 'Quil Ateara' don't really go together in my mind either.

Seth is behind them in the background, pointing and silently giving us the thumbs up and a dick into a hole, finger gesture. I don't think I'm the only one a little surprised by Quil's new found form.

"I like this one," Ness says looking at me over her shoulder, but loud enough to make sure Quil and his new girl – I mean _woman_— hear. She's hot, I'll admit it, but she's still got nothing on Ness.

Ness can do the splits.

And she can keep up with me.

I nod to her comment though, shifting her onto my lap. She pulls at my t-shirt that she's got on, covering her legs so that she doesn't flash the boys her kitty. Maybe we have enough time for a quickie still. I bet she'll be up for it. My hand smooths over her bottom that's hidden by the long t-shirt, one finger finding her wetness and playing with her soft folds as we talk to the screen.

Yep, she's up for it.

"We might have to say good bye guys, we're going on a hike today and we've still got to have breakfast." I say, giving them a believable excuse to get them to hang up. Really I just want to have my way with this half naked woman in my bed and in my lap.

"You're in Cinque Terre, right?" Claire asks, as everyone piles in front of the screen.

"Yeah," Ness answers,inconspicuously wiggling her hips, causing me finger to just slide in a little..

"It's amazing," the older woman gushes, "I did it during my break between my undergrad and grad school. You guys should love it."

"I think we will, it's been on my bucket list for ages." I can hear the erotic tension in her voice, only I know that tone of her voice. It's just a little husky, the top notes of her melodic voice getting caught in her throat.

Embry sticks his head in front of the lens, up really close, "How about you Black, you do anything on your bucket list?" he chuckles. Drunk fucker. He knows I was hoping for some mile-high pussy. And lucky me; Ness served it up on a silver platter.

In fact she's still serving it up, hot and steamy… on a daily basis. And I want my morning feast right now.

"Ticking 'em off at an alarming rate, Call, An _alarming_ rate."

He just laughs as he's pushed back from the lens.

"Well, have a good time with what time you have left," my sister adds, "Oh and Jake, do you know where the sugar soap is? I want to paint my bedroom."

The sugar soap, I didn't even know we had any. I hope she's not changing too much of the house without me. My fingers still.

"It's in the cupboard above the fridge," Ness answers, shifting so that my hand is moved back to the smooth skin of her ass. "Don't do Billy's room though Rach, Jake wants to sort out his stuff first." Always my guardian, always looking out me.

Rachel smiles, "Don't worry, I'm just doing my room. The black is _so_ 2010."

We're all quiet for a minute at the mention of my father's name. I break it with a quick suck of air, an adjustment of my hard-on under the sheet, and a slap on Nessie's ass. "Okay, well we've got a shit ton of stuff to do today, so you guys have a great time doing whatever you're all doing and we'll get back to what you all interrupted."

"Jacob!" admonishes five different girl's voices, Ness's included.

"What?" I laugh, knowing full well _what_.

"Bye," Paul calls out, "wouldn't want to keep The Big Chief waiting." How the fuck does he know this stuff? I'm gunna say it's just a lucky guess.

There are a crowded call of goodbyes as Ness hovers her finger over the touch-pad. We say goodbye and I wind my hands under her shirt, lifting it up and off as she clicks on the end button. I'm a little too eager because there is the beginning of a cheer that's silenced as Jared starts to call out, "I saw her ti—" before it's cut off.

"You are a bad, bad boy," she says as I toss her on her back, pressing my boner against her leg.

"Punish me then," I challenge, pressing my hips to hers.

"I think I just might," she smiles, sliding up from under me and reaching for the belt she had around her waist last night.

I am one lucky fucker.

* * *

…

* * *

It's two in the afternoon. We've made excellent time traipsing over the rugged mountains of three of these five lands. Each little town is similar than the other, but unique in its own way. The view as we come around the corner of the bay, the multicolored terraced houses dotted in a little pile is something out of a post card. It' spurs us on, keen to get to the village below. The ocean to our right stretches on forever, a few boats on the horizon as we hear the bells start to toll, making it on the hour.

The rain has more or less held off, we had a few sun showers as we climbed but it's just enhanced this experience. The paths have been a little muddy, our legs are splashed with little flecks of dried dirt, our shoes are totally ruined. We've stopped for a few photos along the way today, setting a healthy but still enjoyable pace. We spent a little time in the last village before traveling on, Ness making me try a fish and chips like never before: battered bait fish. It's just a few tiny sardines mixed with calamari, scallops and little rosemary potatoes. Oh god, they were so good, we should have bought two of them.

Our view of the town is lost as the path curves back in. We walk for a few more minutes and as the trail heads back out, the vista of ocean, the heritage listed village, and a tiny marina of fishing boats before us is much closer and just begging for a photo. We stop, arm in arm, the blue and greens and reds of the houses below just over our shoulder as I hold out my arm and snap us in the landscape behind.

I look at the image. Happy with the picture we make together. We're in accidental matching clothes today, both of us in tan-khaki shorts, and a white shirt, Ness is in a tank and I'm in a t-shirt. We both have caps on, our hair pulled back behind us. In the picture she's standing on a rock so we're the same height, her cheek is pressed to mine, our smiles beaming and shining our inner happiness outwards. Our sunglasses are off, our eyes sparking like the azure waters below.

It's a great photo. We look happy, healthy and in love. I'm gunna make it my profile photo.

* * *

We catch the ferry between the third and first villages. The water is relatively calm, the small boat taking us around the bay, hopping between the two towns. We stand out on the bow, feeling the salt spray and ocean breeze on our face as we look up to the he sheer cliffs that stretch thirty or forty feet to the forest above as we motor past.

We get off at Riomaggiore, walking up and looking through the small touristy stores. We get a slice each of focaccia from a little bakery down a little side street. It's still warm, straight out of the oven. It's simply flatbread with olive oil and salt, but by god it's delicious. I talk Ness into going back there and I get two more, one sausage and cheese, the other onion, sage and olive bits. I like these kind of olives.

"You want to go see what time the next train leaves?" I ask, chewing down the last of the bread.

She doesn't look at me, instead shifting her backpack on her shoulders and nudging me in the opposite direction to the train station. "I want to go for a little walk first," she says as we head back to the beach, climbing the steps that take us to the path back to the town we've just come from.

"Really?" I ask, following her up the steep steps, "Don't get me wrong, the hikes are incredible, but aren't you beat?"

She stops for a second at the top landing, waiting for me. "It's not far, and I think you'll be glad we do." She heads down a little dead-end laneway, shrugging off her back pack and taking out a little bag of cherries she bought in Corniglia earlier today— there's only a handful left. Then she shoves the pack between a fence and a big boulder.

"You packed a spare pair of shorts right?" she asks, undoing the knot in the plastic bag and taking out a cherry before handing it to me.

"Yeah…" She's killing me with the reticent behavior. There's only about ten cherries left, I pop two in my mouth. They're still really juicy.

"Good. Take your shoes off, and you're shirt too, and make sure your phone isn't in your pocket," she instructs, bending over and taking her own shoes off.

"What are we doing?" I chuckle, holding out a piece of fruit for her to take with her teeth, she does, her lips just wetting the tips of my fingers. I do as I'm told though, bending over and untying my laces.

She looks up at me, she's excited, her eyes are sparkling and I suddenly remember the little secret she was keeping last night over dinner. It's here, on the outskirts of Riomaggiore. She's good and ready now.

She pops another cherry in her mouth, smiling up at me with full, chipmunk cheeks, "your surprise."

* * *

She takes me by the hand as we meander up the gently inclining path. "They call this the _Via dell'Amore or _lovers lane sometimes," she says as we walk.

We walk slowly, this stretch of path is quite wide, it's paved and there are railings the whole way along the cliff face. It's nowhere near as rugged as the hike we did this morning, it's actually quite romantic… if I wasn't bare foot and shirtless in a sea of other tourists who are fully clothed.

The path takes us around a bend and most of the town behind us is temporally out of view. We're only about twenty feet up here, the rocks below falling away into a little inlet that we can't see from the overhang we're currently on. We've only walked for a few minutes before she stops, pulling her hand from mine and running her fingers along the rocky wall lining the path. She places her palm on the ochre colored rock face, her fingers tracing the graffiti like outline of a wolf that's been drawn on the rock. It's painted all black, its legs extended like it's running across the sandstone, its ears are back, its mouth is open. It rings true with something deep inside me.

"They call themselves the Black Wolves," she says, looking at me over her shoulder, "they're a group of travelers from France who are into all kinds of cool stuff and when they find the best spots, they paint this symbol in the area and post it on their web site. This, my beautiful man—" she turns pulling me in to a tight hug and looks up, her chin resting on my chest. "This is the best place on the Italian Riviera to _cliff dive_!"

"Really? We're gunna jump off from here? You're amazing Ness," I say, holding her tighter to me. How amazing that she could find the one thing we already share back home, here on this trip of a life time. The trip that jettisons us in to adulthood.

I pull her in closer and we make out for a little bit. Our shoulders press against the relief, just next to the Black Wolf symbol as we kiss on the road to Manarola. My hands fork into their curls, my tongue already diving down as she slides her hands all over the bare skin of my back. I wonder if there is a private cave down there or somewhere where we can keep this heat going.

We pull away to catch breath and she lets me go turning to face the water and stepping across the path. Her hips and chest prop against the railing, both hands gripping as she leans over to look down. "It's kismet Jake," she says into the gentle wind coming at us off the sea. "They're called the _Black_ wolves, you bringing me _here_, to Cinque Terre where we can jump off a sheer cliff into the ocean below like we do at home. Its kismet."

She's so excited, it's contagious. I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "It is," I say, coming to stand behind her. My body presses against hers as my arms cage around. I shift her so that she's standing between my legs. Our arms are brushed up against each other, the energy of love and life flowing between us.

I keep one hand gripping the railing, the other sliding around her waist, flat across her stomach.

She leans her head and presses her back into my chest, and I let her soul fill up my chest. My chest is full of her love, like… full up… swelling or something. I lean my head down and press my jaw into the side of her face, and she presses it back.

This is so easy. As easy as breathing.

I'm reminded of a time last summer where we rode standing up in the back of Embry's truck. I held her then, just after we'd jumped from the cliffs of Taylor's Point. My soul knew it's mate; it just took the man a little while longer to sift through the other false prophets.

I look at my watch, as the bells start to toll again; three o'clock. It's Saturday today, and the bells don't stop, I think there must be a wedding in the town. Then it hits me and I start to laugh, holding her tight as I pull her up off her feet, her body dragging up my bare chest as I nuzzle a kiss to the side of her throat.

"What?" she asks. Looking up at me over her shoulder, our smiling lips meeting out of habit. There is nothing routine about it though, every time I kiss Renesmee I'm ignited from within, my soul recognizes its counterpart and all is right in my world.

I spin her around, leaning her on the railing as another group of 'ma and pa' travelers walk past staring at us. We're used to it, every one stares at the height difference. "Do you know what day it is?"

"The sixteenth?"

"Yeah. Would you believe it if I told you Alice's party last summer was on the fifteenth? It's been a year Ness. A year since I barged into your room and you changed my life forever."

Understanding washes over her face. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but an even bigger and brighter smile forms on her lips. "A year? What a way to celebrate, hey?" She reaches her hands up, her delicate fingers smoothing of the little prickles of growth on my jaw, her fingers racing over my lips, tickling and zapping between us. "Look how far we've come in just a year sweetheart." She whispers lifting up on tippy toes. My hand reaches up, cupping over her the soft skin of her cheek and I pull her face into mine. "God, I love you," she says as I lower my head to meet her as we kiss. My lips molding around hers, moving and massaging. Our breath mingling.

She tastes like cherries.

Her lips open slightly and I waste no time running my tongue along the inner rim of her lip. Licking all that cherry flavor off of them. I'm kissing Ness, and she's kissing me back as we stand on the edge of the European continent.

"You wanna do this?" I ask, pulling back and looking down to the water. It seems about the same height as back home, only the water should be warmer over here. How absolutely extraordinary and completely Ness for this to be the surprise she had up her sleeve. It's perfect.

She's perfect.

She nods, holding on to my shoulder as she lifts her tiny leg over the railing. I help her climb all the way over, making sure she's steady before I follow.

We've amassed a little crowd of onlookers, some taking photos of us, others just looking like they think we're insane. We are; we're love crazy.

Together we're standing on the edge of the cliff, the cobalt waters flowing back and forth beneath. It's a clear and sunny day, the sky is only dotted with small, white, cotton candy type clouds.

"Do you think T'ist'ilal helped make these clouds too?" she smiles, looking up at me. Our eyes meet, the golden sunbursts of her iris shining into mine. Her smile lights her up. That inner light she carries in her eyes is just bursting at the seams, like it's desperate to break through and show the world just how divine she is.

"He blew them all the way very here for us," I nod. A memory of my father telling that legend at a tribal story night pulses through my mind. I close my eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of the sun bath me. I feel his presence in its light.

Taking my freehand, she steps a little closer to me on the rocky edge. "Just like back home, we let go before we hit the water right?" she asks looking at our entwined fingers. Her eyes are glassy with excitement.

I nod, smiling and just looking into her eyes and over her beautiful porcelain face. "I love you," I say.

She beams back at me, the love she feel reflected back at me. "Let's jump off into the abyss shall we? The first step in this new chapter of our lives together."

"Let's," I reply, giving her hand a loving squeeze, excited at the idea of all the thing I'm gunna achieve with this little woman by my side. "On the count of three?" I say, my eyes focusing on the ocean below. "One, two…"

"Hey Jake?" Ness says, my focus back to the beautiful woman wearing a tank top and shorts who's about to jump off a cliff. My tribal wife, the woman I intend on marrying in the real world one day, hopefully the mother of my children, my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life, my cherry on top,; my Nessie.

She leans in towards me, kissing me again. It's only soft and only short but I can _feel_ the consuming love she has for me. I feel the same. "I love you more than anything else in this spectacular world," she whispers before straightening up and looking back out at the ocean. Then with a squeeze of my hand, she crouches down on the ledge, shouting "THREE!" and jumping as far out into the void as she can.

I mirror her movements, our fingers still interlaced as we free fall.

"I love you," I shout out as we hurtle through the wind. Our eyes meeting as we share thought and time and spirit.

Hand in hand we fall, loving life and each other as we break the surface, feet first.

THE END

* * *

**That's it folks, hope you enjoyed the ride. I know I did. Thank you all for reading and sticking with this story over these last 6 months. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment and review, it really does make this labor of love all the more sweeter.**

**Until next time; arrivederci,** **doei, au revoir, freilos,** **adios, до побачення, αντίο,** **再****见****.**

**(I have too many readers around the world to give this salute justice)**

**Bye, MarinaNameste.**


	57. Chapter 57 - Epilogue

**_I've been sitting on this for a while folks. It's just a little peak into the lives of a grown up Ness and Jake. Hope you like it._**

* * *

**Epilouge**

"Morning," she whispered, quietly leaning over the two little black haired children curled up between them as she crawled onto bed with her husband. The little girls weren't their biological children but they were their children in all the ways that mattered.

After Ness finished medical school—as Dr. Renesmee Black— and a few more years spent following Jacob's career to California, they had finally decided to set down roots once again on the Pacific West Coast. Jacob had started his own freelance design business, going over prototype designs for hybrid engines sent in by various motor companies.

He'd become a specialist of sorts in green, alternative motor design during his time with General Motors, and was now well regarded within the field. Chevy had been sad to see him go, but Jake and Ness wanted to live in a way that only a small town like Forks could bring them, not with the hustle and bustle and plastic of north Hollywood. His bosses had been more than patient and understanding with his need for extended periods away for treatment, but the freelancing option fitted in better with Jacob's cyclic ability to work.

With their move back to the Quileute Valley, they'd been ready to start a family. The place they called home was where they wanted to raise their children, Closest to the lands of his people.

But fate had other ideas for them.

Four years of trying with three late stage miscarriages, and a prematurely born still-birth had led them to the heartbreaking decision that maybe they weren't meant to have children of their own. Instead Jacob and Renesmee Black decided to become long term foster parents to two beautiful little girls from the S'Klallam Tribe. That was three years ago, the adoption finalized almost eighteen months later. All four members of the Black family couldn't have been happier about it.

"God, what time is it?" he asked, his voice still heavy with sleep as he lifted his head up off the pillow and reached out his hands to pull his wife close to him as she walked around to his side of the bed.

"Six-thirty," she answered back quietly, sitting on the mattress and leaning down to press her lips gently to his. "You have a new baby niece, by the way," she smiled, letting him pull her down and stretching her five foot one inch height next to his and snuggling into his bare chest. He'd learned to always sleep at least with boxer shorts on once the girls had arrived to their home.

He jerked up a little, clearing the last of the sleep as he suddenly remembered why his wife had been out most of the night, "A girl?" he smiled, "Finally. Maybe _now_ they'll stop."

As of 4:49am that morning, his sister Rachel and her husband Paul now had their fifth child. The girl they'd hoped for to help even out the chaos of the four boys they already had; two of which we're now thundering down the hallway of the Black's home into their Uncle and Aunt's bedroom.

"Uncle Jake!" yelled the second eldest, Alex, as he pushed open the partially ajar door, "Liam took the blankets off my bed and took them out to the TV room!" he screeched, coming to stand by the large king size bed.

"I didn't!" Liam yelled, running into the bedroom a second later. "His just fell on the floor."

Jacob sat up, so did both little girls who had previously been asleep next to him, "Sssh boys," he scolded his nephews, "no yelling, the twins are still asleep."

The twins, Robbie and Ryder, were two and a half years old, and had kept Jacob up most of the night while Ness had been at the hospital helping their mother deliver.

Eight year old Liam huffed, "but I didn't steal his blanket."

"Yes you did!" said his brother in response.

"It really doesn't matter," Jacob said, shifting to sit all the way upright, his five year old daughter Ava, snuggling in closer. She'd learned how to ignore her cousins brawling.

"Did you notice that Aunty Ness is home?" he said as she too sat up, still dressed in the tailored slacks and button down she'd had on for most of the long night.

Their other daughter, Zoe, sat up then in surprise, turning and facing Ness, "Mommy, you're home!"

"I am sweetie," she laughed holding her arms out as six year old Zoe climbed over her sister and father.

"Did the baby come out?" she asked.

Ness nodded, looking up to the two boy's still standing by the bedside. "Come here boys," she said, holding her arms out. Jake and Ness shifted so that there was room for all the children on the bed between. "I have some amazing news for you!"

Liam and Alex scrambled up, tucking up under between their two, girl, adoptive cousins.

"Did mommy have the new baby?" Liam asked.

"Yes," Ness answered her little arms reaching to hold both her nephews. "And _her _name is Sarah Amy, the same name as your mommy's mommy _and_ your daddy's mommy."

"Mommy and daddy have mommies?" Little Alex asked confused.

Ness and Jake met eyes over the heads of the children, the memory of all the lost mommies and daddies in their mind. "Yes sweetie," she said, dragging her eyes form her husband and the haunted look he still occasionally had when he remembered the loss of both his parents all those years ago. "Mommy and Aunty Becca and Uncle Jake's mommy was called Sarah and your daddy's mommy name was Amy, they both died a long time ago. And we all miss them and that's why your new baby sister's called Sarah Amy."

"Like, I'm really William because Grandpa Billy died a long time ago, too," explained Liam, the boy too wise for his eight years, but still so innocent to how his words could affect the adults in the cozy room.

Jacob swallowed hard, "Yeah Buddy." He smiled through tight lips, roughing up the boys hair as a distraction. "Why don't we all go sort out this blanket mess and have some cereal? Then we can get ready for when your dad comes to get you. You wanna go see your new baby sister? How about you girls?" he asked turning to Ava and Zoe. "We'll go visit Aunty Rach and her new baby when Uncle Paul comes?"

There was a cacophony of cheers and a scramble off the bed as the kids, still in jimjams, ran down the hallway to the TV room. Jake held back, leaning on the door and looking back at Ness as she sat still dressed on the bed.

"Can you get them breakfast, Jake? I just want to have a few hours sleep," she said standing and unbuttoning her shirt.

He watched her as the light blue, cotton blend fell from her shoulders, revealing the silky white bra that was holding up her still pert and beautiful breasts. He'd never tire of looking at this woman.

Pushing off from the door frame Jake stepped across the room and picked up his wife and held her against him. "God I love you," he said, his voice deep and husky and he lifted her and kissed her hard.

She smiled as her lips pressed to his. "Are you okay?" she asked as she hung, suspended in his arms, her feet dangling below. He'd been home from his latest stay at the in-patient clinic in Port Angeles for seven weeks now. A readjustment of his medications put him back on track, but she always worried when he was reminded of Billy or Sarah.

"I'm fine," he sing-songed, placating her worry.

"I thought we might go to the cemetery after the hospital, tell your mom and dad the good news," she smiled, looking at him for his reaction.

He's eyes were tender but restrained. She could practically see the time worn words of his mantras washing through his mind. "That's a great idea," he said, nodding and giving her a light kiss. "What about _you_? Was it hard to watch her do it? You're not too sad? I wish I could have been there with you," he said putting Ness back down on her feet.

"You wanted to see your sister push a baby out of her vagina?" she smiled, arching a brow and purposefully deflecting and giving him the freedom of crude humor.

"Oh god, no! Ness!" he cringed, covering his eyes and his ears and gagging. "You know what I mean."

She did. Rachel and Paul Lahote had had no difficulty falling pregnant. She'd had no issues carrying to term and she'd had no real distress delivering five healthy, strong children. It did make Ness a little sad. Maybe even a little jealous. She could only do the first step in the three required for a biological family. But she'd come to terms with it long ago. And that morning, when she'd come home to her husband and her two girls, the genetics really didn't matter. She had her own babies in all the ways that mattered.

"Yes Jake, God, settle down, it's only a _vagina_," she smiled, loving his reaction to the mention of his sister's nether regions. "Stretching to the size of the biggest grapefruit you've ever seen," she continued, her hands making the shape of a large 'O' to illustrate.

"Would you stop?" he laughed, picking her up again and this time tossing her on the bed. "I know what you're doing."

"It's funny!" she giggled as he launched himself on top of her.

"It's not funny. It's an abomination for a brother to know such things about his sister," he fake pouted. He helped her unbutton her slacks and pulled them down her still toned thighs.

"What are you doing, babe? We have a house full of kids," she cautioned, looking over to the still open bedroom door and listening to the sound of the Nickelodeon channel wafting from the TV room down the hall.

"I want a new mental image of a vagina. A much nicer, un-stretched, looking one," he said seriously, starting with his hands at the edge of her panties and yanking them down.

She wiggled her hips, pulling her panties back up, "I'm sure you have plenty of mental snapshots to cure you of your corruption."

"But nothing's as good as a fresh shot Ness, nothing. And anyways, I missed you last night."

Ness had just finished putting Ava to bed and Jake had been running them a romantic bath— with candles and all— when the home phone rang at a quarter to nine last night. A frantic Paul babbled, before a much calmer Rachel took the phone asking if they could mind the boys… because she was in labor.

So that had been the end of the romance. The candles were blown out and the unused bath was emptied. Ness got dressed into her doctoring clothes after they quietly moved the sleeping girls to their marital bed. They remade the little beds for the extra children and set up the porta cots.

The Lahote tribe had arrived 20 minutes later, leaving Jake with the fun of getting two, two and a half year old boys, a six year old and an eight year old back to sleep, while Ness followed Rachel and Paul to the hospital.

Ness and Jacob still maintained a very healthy sex life, even with the introduction of two children as an instant family, and he didn't deal well with missing out on his daily quota.

"Jacob, I love you with all my heart and soul, but you are not getting into these pants while we have four…" she interrupted her speech to listen to the burgeoning cries of the young twins from the spare room, "…make that _six_ children wide awake in the house."

He sat back on his heels, letting her up so she could wrap her robe around her. "Let me help you get Robbie and Ryder settled" she suggested, "and then I really have to sleep. Just two or three hours, please. Or I'm going to be zombie tonight."

"Tonight? Oh shit!" With all the excitement of the imminent arrival of the family's new addition and the chaos that always accompanied Rachel and Paul Lahote's offspring, Jacob had totally forgotten about the party tonight. The eminent Doctor Carlisle Cullen, finally, at the graceful age of sixty-seven, was retiring from medicine. "Don't you have to finish off your speech?" he asked her.

Ness nodded, her shoulder length hair fanning out on the pillow below, "that's another reason why I need a few hours sleep. I'll finish it this afternoon. Let me help you get the kids some breakfast and then I'll get up when Paul gets here and come with you guys to visit Rach."

"All right, my beautiful wife," he said, leaning in and kissing her long and hard. "But _you_ can do diaper duty while _I_ get the coco pops." He pulled away abruptly, dodging the playful tap he was going to get and pulling a t-shirt over his bare chest.

"Totally fair," she giggled sarcastically, as she caught up to him and slapped his ass on their way through the door.

"What? I've got enough disturbing images in my brain for one morning thank you very much."

* * *

"Come on Jake," she called as she finished braiding Zoe's hair, tying it off with a ribbon that matched the black velvet one on the little girls dress.

"Come on girls, grab you coats," she said quietly, ushering them into the garage. "We're getting in the car!" she yelled to her husband who, as always, left it to the last minute to get dressed and was, once again, making them late.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he said, jogging down the hallway.

Ness turned and stopped dead in her tracks. She folded her speech, written in her neat loopy cursive, into her clutch and ogled at the sight of the handsome man now standing in her kitchen. It's was a black tie affair, a celebration that the Clallam County Hospital District were putting on, in acknowledgment of the retirement of their head of department at the hospital.

"Oh god, Jacob, you look so hot!" Ness purred, sliding up to him in her four inch strappy pumps. Her hands smoothed over the lines of his chest under his jacket.

"Oh, so _now_ you want to show me a fresh shot of your vagina. Now that I'm all dolled up," he smirked looking down at her, clicking his tongue at the back of his teeth in that way that he knew drove her wild.

"If only we'd organized for the kids to be babysat tonight," she smiled up at him, her chin resting on his sternum, "we might have been able to slip away after the speeches," she said with an air of nonchalance. She didn't let him see the way his gaze scorched through her, the way he still set her alight after all these years. She'd had, after all, fifteen good years to master the art of secret seduction with the magnificent man.

He groaned, leaning over and inhaling the exotic scent she still used in her hair. "Maybe we can still slip away," his hands holding his wife, gliding down the backless number she had on, his fingers leaving goose bumps over her spine in his wake, before cupping over her pert bottom and squeezing. "Just for ten minutes, like that time at Bella and Edward's wedding."

"I have a much better plan up my sleeve Chief, and it's gunna need much more than ten minutes." Her little fingers gripped the lapels of his jacket, pulling him down for a kiss. Her pink lipstick smudged and smeared as their lips caressed like adolescents.

He pulled back, grinning down at her, "What plan, you naughty girl?"

"You know how Seth and Jaakko are coming home for Christmas?"

"Yes," he said with a slow drawl of already guessing what she was about to say.

Seth had set off after high school, traveling and living like an unwashed beatnik though the greater continent of Europe for the first three years of his adult life. He sexed his way through the more liberal of the European countries, working at bars and resorts, moving from bed to bed with little to no direction for far too long for Ness or Leah or Sue's likings. He eventually cleaned himself up though, got a good haircut, and some hot clothes and found himself a small apartment in Monaco to base himself. He got himself a steady job onboard the gigantic luxury yachts of the rich and famous and that was here he'd met his blond, Finnish, man-boy… Jaakko.

He'd come out to his already presupposing mother towards the end of senior year and by the time he came back to La Push to visit— four years after he'd first left— he was at home enough in his own skin and with his own sexuality to bring Jaakko with him. The two had married five years ago in Norway, in front of all of Jaakko and many of Seth's family, Jake and Ness included. The two lived and worked in Oslo, coming home to visit once or twice a year.

"Well he's home," Ness continued, "and Jaakko is desperate to see Ava and Zoe. Sue said there's more than enough room for the girls to have a sleep over, and their bags are in the trunk already and Sethy is going to come get them at nine." Her face morphed into its angelic brilliance as she smiled with the smooth delivery of her little surprise for her husband. A night just to themselves— and a long, much deserved, sleep-in in the morning— was exactly what the doctor ordered. Dr. Renesmee Black loved prescribing such privileges to herself.

"You, my tiny dancer, are fuckin-A," he hummed, his lips vibrating over hers as he pulled her in close once again, his hardening crouch pressing into her stomach. His hands played with the silky bare skin of her back, tracing the line of her shoulder blades that were on display in that exceptional dress she had on. The Big Chief already counting down the hours until he could get the front of the dress revealed too. The man couldn't wait to have her all to himself, alone… in the house they'd made a home.

"Yuuuuck!" whined Zoe from the internal garage door. "That's so gross you guys."

Jake and Ness pulled apart infinitesimally, chuckling as they looked over to the little girl and her scrunched-up, pre-pubescent face.

"You're meant to be in the car" Ness giggled, laughing at her daughter while still happily wrapped up in Jacobs's arms.

"I think I forgot Mr. Bunnyface," she said, her head tilting to the side, horror-stricken. Still, she was quite used to seeing her parents' outward display of love and affection on a daily basis.

"Well, go get him," Jake said, letting his hands fall from Nessie's hips and motioning to the child to hurry.

"I think Mrs. Kissyface is on Ava's bed, too," Ness called out down the hall. "Will you please get her for your sister, too?"

"Okay," came a muted, distant reply.

Ness laughed again, looking back to her husband and reaching up to wipe the mess of lipstick off his face. "Here," she said softly as his dark brown eyes shone down to hers, the love and devotion zapping between them. "I think that color looks better on me."

* * *

The finger food had been served and everyone was taking their seats at the laid out tables when she walked in.

"Oh," exclaimed Ness, taking Jake by the hand and nodding towards the slim woman in the long black dress as she walked up to Carlisle and Esme. She was greeted warmly, kissed and hugged like the daughter she was. "I wasn't sure they'd make it," Ness said, the air of pleasure in her tone.

"They got back yesterday," he answered, his fingers brushing over the sensitive skin of her exposed shoulder blades.

"Oh, she didn't call. I want to know how it all went," Ness said, catching the woman's eye and waving her over to the empty seat next to her. "Bella," she said warmly, standing and kissing the brunette on the cheek, left and then right.

"Oh Ness, thank god you're here. I was praying that we wouldn't have to be at the oldies table," she gushed, sitting down and pouring herself a glass of white from the selection of carafes already on the table.

"Where's Ed?" Jake asked, leaning over his wife and chastely pecking Bella on the cheek. The look of nothing more than friendship transpiring between the old friends. With age— and the maturity it brought— came the awareness. Bella learned to appreciate Jake as the friend he could be and to truly cherish the unadulterated devotion she'd somehow inspired from Edward.

"Parking the car in the back of the lot." She rolled her eyes and smiled. "You know how protective he is with the paintwork on the S60," she answered.

Bella Swan-Cullen, was a different person to the one who'd made so many foolish errors in her youth. But she still enjoyed the finer things in life and had a habit of dropping it into all conversations. And though, in Nessie's eyes, she would always be slightly marred by her double crossing of Jacob, Bella had become a regular and welcomed entity of her life. Following his work, Edward and Bella had moved to Seattle not long before Jake and Ness had moved back to Forks. After a frank and open discussion one Thanksgiving, one that was based on healing and maturity, the two women bonding over lost babies… and a whole lot of Merlot, the old adversaries' attitude towards one another changed forever. Ness would hazard to even go so far to say that she and Bella were _friends,_ even_._

"Tell me all about the trip," Ness bid, lifting her glass and sipping as Jake draped an arm around his wife's shoulder.

Bella smiled, her whole face lighting up, "Oh Ness, she's so perfect! Her name's Vanessa, and she's got the most gorgeous little face. And it took all that I had in me not to steal her away then and there."

"Did you get a photo?"

Bells scoffed, reaching for her purse. "Did I get a photo? Darn near filled up all the memory," she smiled, unlocking her phone and showing the empathetically interested couple the photos of the newborn girl from Little Rock, Arkansas they were set to adopt in just under three weeks.

"Oh she's gorgeous," Ness cooed, flicking through the images as Jacob watched over her shoulder. "Is the foster family nice?"

"Oh Yeah, they were so good. They've been fostering newborns for thirty years, Ness. Thirty! Little Vanessa is the seventy-fifth child to come through their doors. Can you imagine that?"

Edward made his appearance then, softly leaning two hands on his wife's shoulders and brushing his cheek to hers. "She may be number seventy-five, but she'll be number one to us," he smiled, shifting to kiss his cousin on the cheek and shaking her husband's hand. "Hello Ava, hello Zoe," he smiled, waving at the two girls busily coloring at the table next to their father.

"Hi Uncle Ed," they said in unison, barely looking up from their 'Frozen' coloring books.

He sat down, as the first course was served. The two couples passed the evening exchanging notes on their experience within the world of domestic adoption, with sporadic interruptions of spilt juice and toilet breaks.

The once cold rivals now turned friends, chatted and generally enjoyed one another's company over a well-made meal and even better wine.

* * *

Ness was thankful to have her speech allocated between the mains and dessert, giving her nervous tummy time to relax before the chocolate mousse was brought out. And god, was it good chocolate; with little raspberries dotted on top to boot. She was busy wiping Ava's face when the sleepy girls face lit up, her grin directed over her mother's shoulder.

"Jaakko!" Ave screeched, jumping off Jake's lap and running to the thin blond man kneeling down to hug her.

"_Pikku tytöt_," he called, his accent thick and rich, as he lifted her up. "How are you Ava? I want to see how good your drawings are now. I miss all the pictures you made for me last time."

Seth was a step behind him, already hand in hand with Zoe, who he'd found in the foyer playing with some of the other children at the event.

"Is it nine already?" Jake asked feigning surprise. He knew full well what time it was; he'd been counting down the minutes like Cinderella at the ball. Only…. nothing of _his_ was going to change into a pumpkin… a giant sausage maybe… but not a pumpkin.

"Are you girls ready for a sleep over at Aunty Sue's and Uncle Charlie's? Seth and Jaakko told me they really want to see what you did at your ballet concert."

"You did a concert?" Seth asked the little girls, crouching down to them with devoted attention. Ava nodded shyly, the pride barley hidden in her eyes. "I can't wait to see it," he said encouragingly as Zoe, who was much less shy, held out her dress with delicate fingers. She placed her feet in second position and she readied herself to begin the four minute rendition of the nutcracker in the middle of the grand dining room. "Five, six, seven—"

Her count-in was cut off by her mother. "Not now, Zoe. Wait until you get back to Aunty Sue's house; I'm sure Uncle Charlie will want to see it too," Ness smiled, elbowing Jacob in the ribs as he began to chuckle. "Let's go over and say goodnight to Oma and Opa before you go," she said, ushering them towards her parents' table.

"Come on _tytöt_," Jaakko said, taking both girls by the hand. "I want to say hello to your Opa too."

The tall, well-groomed, blonde leaned over, leaving his husband with a quick kiss on the cheek before skipping off towards the other table like Dorothy on the yellow brick road, two little girls on each arm.

Ness and Jake stood up from the table then, moving over to greet their old friend. "Welcome home Seth," Ness said, reaching up on tiptoes to great him with a hug.

"Hey Nessy-bessy, it's good to _be_ home," he said, hugging the tiny woman in his giant bear arms. Adolescence had been kind to Seth. A sudden growth spurt around seventeen had him towering over most, filling out and bulking up to rival even Jacob's size. But not quite.

"Brother," Jake smiled, clasping Seth's forearm with a wide hand, a friendly shoulder clasp with the other. "You ready to be 'Let it Go-ed' and sparkled out from my girls?" he asked his brother from another mother.

"Shit yeah! Mom's going crazy and already planning on making cupcakes in the morning and other shit. I'll be drawing the line at fingernail painting though."

Jake laughed, nodding, "I've learned clear nail polish is a good compromise if they're being instant."

"Right, I'll leave the rosebud pink for Jaakko," Seth grinned, watching his husband greet Nessie's parents like they were his own. "He's always _bang up_ for all the girly stuff," he smirked, winking at Jake, knowing any kind of sexual innuendo always grossed him out. Seth was almost as good as Ness in playing Jake at it. It was too easy some times.

"Oh _bugger off_ Seth," Jake laughed, not letting himself fall for the inference and using the term he'd learned from Nahuel so many years ago in London.

"I do, Jakey. Most nights." His eyes sparkled in cheekiness and genuine happiness… and of course at the opportunity to torment Jacob. Under all the joking and deflection though, Seth Clearwater was a truly contented man. In love and loving his life.

"None of that gay fucker stuff around my girls," Jake warned, trying not to smile at his old fiend's wit.

"As if," Seth scoffed back. "I'd say they have enough scaring from watching the two of you go at it like bunnies," his hand motioning between the Blacks. "I'm not going to add to their future therapy bills."

Ness broke into a full out laugh. "I miss you Seth," she smiled, squeezing Jacob's hand and linking elbows with Seth as the three of them walked over to table one.

* * *

"I still don't know why we can't babysit them," Marie said, holding Ava on her lap and squeezing the poor child half to death.

"Firstly mom, I wanted you to have a good time here tonight for Uncle Carl and not have to leave early; secondly, Seth and Jakk hardly get to see them."

"Well neither do your father and I," she retorted. "I'm well overdue for my fix," she said, leaning her face into her granddaughter's hair and inhaling. "Mmm," she grinned with eyes closed, a look of contentment on her aging face, "that's the good stuff."

Ness shook her head with a humoring snigger. She loved watching her parents with the girls. She'd known they'd love them simply because they were her children. But Ness hadn't anticipated the all-consuming _devotion_ her parents both had towards both Ava and Zoe. It made her heart swell to witness such love.

Marie and Tony had taken the little girls on as their own flesh and blood, mollycoddling and spoiling them like all good grandparents should. They'd also finally set down roots, moving to the States not long after Ness and Jake lost their first baby. They'd wanted to be near their daughter and her husband… and their future grandbabies. Little would any of them have known that Jake and Ness had been instead, setting off on an arduous and heartbreaking journey of suffering and inadequacy.

The timing of their relocation had been fortuitous. Marie had landed a position within the Office of the Legal Counsel for the United Nations, giving them cause to move to New York and base themselves out of there, rather than Europe. Tony was content working at the NYC free clinic.

They were still hours away from Jake and Ness, but close enough to be by her side for each and every loss. Renesme was hoping they'd move closer, to the west coast at least, when they finally decided to retire.

"That is why, mother dear, I'm letting you steal them for a whole ten days after Christmas and why it's the third and most completing argument for you to say good night and let my babies go to bed."

"All right then. Steal my grandbabies from me," she sulked melodramatically.

"You do know they're coming back for Sunday lunch tomorrow?" Tony said dryly, taking Ava from Marie's arms and hugging the child.

"I suppose I'll just have to wait until tomorrow for more of my fix then," she smiled standing up.

Ness took Ava for a moment, hugging her tight as Jacob did the same with Zoe. "Be good for Aunty Sue and Sethy," he said, putting down one child to swap into the other for a goodbye.

A few more minutes of hugs and kisses and goodnights, and Seth and Jaakko were walking the girls hand in hand out the door, Mr. and Mrs Kissy-Bunnyface each gripped tight in little fingers, too.

* * *

It was well after midnight when Jake and Ness walked into their home, Ness a little happy on her feet from all the good wine. They never got around to that hot, quick fuck against a public bathroom wall like they hoped. But neither of them really minded. They were getting too old for those kind of shenanigans. He was more than happy to have his wife all to himself… just them… in their home… for the _entire_ night.

Long and slow.

Starting with that dress.

"You looked really beautiful tonight," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist as she tipped back a bottle of cold water in the light of the refrigerator. "And you're speech was great. Just the right about of seriousness with jokes."

His lips dragged along the line of her throat, kissing a wet trail down to her collarbones and over the gold chain she wore around her neck, a little bunch of cherries that still nestled in her cleavage.

Ness held the bottle to her chest, as soft hum of pleasure escaping her lips. Her head was still back, her eyes closed, as she reveled in the thrill of his lips on her skin. After all these years he still lit her up from within.

"You tired?" he asked, gently taking the water bottle from her fingers and slowly bringing it to his own lips.

"No," she answered, mesmerized by the line of his jaw as he tilted his head back. She loved the way his larynx bobbed as he swallowed, and the wetness of his lips as they were covered in the cool refreshing liquid.

He took the little plastic lid from her other hand, blindly screwing it up and back in the fridge while his eyes bore into hers. The heat scorched between the two lovers.

With two firm, large hands on her hips he stepped her backwards, closing the refrigerator door with his foot. The assortment of novelty magnets that they had collected on their various travels around the world softly rattled and clinked where they were stuck holding up the girl's paintings and drawings.

The two stood in the kitchen, in the quiet darkness of their empty house. Her hands found their way to his shoulders, enjoying the way the white cotton stretched against his arms, appreciating the contrast between the tanned skin of his forearms to the crisp, white linen that was rolled up halfway.

"Good," he said back, ducking down and tucking a hand under her knees with a smile.

She squealed, a fun and joyous chuckle, as Jacob swept her up in to a bridal hold before setting off in the direction of their master bedroom.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she let herself be carried, rocking against his sturdy chest with each step. Ness giggled at the adolescence of it, leaning her cheek against his collarbone and inhaling the rich musky spice that was that well known mix of his cologne and just… _him._ She still felt her ovaries tingle at that scent; that all-male fragrance that was simply Jacob Black.

As they stepped over the threshold of their bedroom Jake leaned down, kissing Ness as she pulled at his neck, pulling her lips up to meet with his. For several minutes they stood in the doorway, lips molding around one another's. Her tongue flicked against his teeth after his began exploring the ridges of her palate. Eventually they broke apart, panting a little and smiling.

Jake loved to see that soul lifting smile. Her eyes were shining bright even from the dim night light in the hallway.

"I love you, tiny dancer," he smiled, his voice deep and husky. The devotion and reverence still apparent after all these years.

"I love you too, husband," she said, reaching up for another soft, short kiss to his lips.

He placed her back on her feet then, turning on the lamp before standing behind her and helping her with the short zipper that held the dress to her trim waist.

She let the silky material pool at her feet, stepping out but still in her heels and panties. She'd not worn a bra with that backless dress she'd had on and Jake had been well aware of that fact all of the evening. He started to undress himself, kicking his shoes off as he unbuttoned his shirt, the bow-tie still hanging around his neck. He watched his wife as she carefully look off her earrings, her beautiful breasts and her chestnut-bronze, curly hair falling to the side as she tilted her head.

Ness crawled up the bed and reached over to place her jewelry on the side table as Jacob studied the way her ass moved in the black silk. He undid his belt, opening the fly as he lowered his trousers, his straining erection pressing against the silk of his boxer shorts.

He moved slowly up onto the covers, kneeling on all fours between her legs as she turned and rested back on the pillows. Their eyes pulsed with the love and longing between them, never breaking the eye contact as Jacob sat back on his heels. He slowly lifted her foot, holding it reverently as he loosened the ankle strap of her stilettoes. Removing one shoe, he let it fall off the bed. It landed with a leather slap on the floor as his strong fingers rubbed and pressed in her sole.

He let the foot rest back on the bed, raising the other and placing it on his bare thigh, the spike of the heal pressing into his tanned skin as he undid the tiny silver buckle by her ankle. He removed her other shoe, crossing it over his body to let it too fall to the floor. He lifted her leg, bringing it to his lips and kissing the petite instep of Nessie's foot. All the while, his eyes never left hers.

"I love you, darling. You're so beautiful, Ness. Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

She giggled in the dim light as his breath tickled up to her toes. She pulled away somewhat on reflex, and Jake let her foot go.

"Only as much as _I_," she crooned, pointing to her own heart, "love _you_," her delicate, naturally manicured finger pointing to him.

Jake took her in, his wife; his lover; his best friend; his soul mate. There wasn't an inch of her skin that he hadn't explored and reveled in. Still, after all the years of loving, it was far from repetitive. They still felt young and fresh, excited to re-explore curves and lines each time they fell into one another's arms.

Her skin glowed in the lamp light, her hair falling on her shoulders as she reclined in nothing but the silk detailed panties. Her knees were pressed together, her ankles tucked to the side as she lay back. Behind her, above the headboard on the wall of their bedroom, was the woven bear-grass and cattail reed tapestry he'd given her the first Christmas after they'd met. His symbolic gesture to her that she was his world. The traditional woven mat, that at the time he'd hoped had shown her that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with this little woman by his side.

The ha-tol-ka.

His gaze drifted over the wings of the mystical thunderbird, T'ist'ilal and the way they stretched out wide over the tapestry. He took in, for the hundredth time, the life affirming lightening depicted across the image landscape as the great bird gild, mid-flight, above the sea and land. There was a hint of a cliff just to the side of the scene and, as Jacob crawled up the length of his wife's diminutive body, he felt the connection to those cliffs. The place were, with only a handful of family and friends, they'd said their vows into the ocean breeze. The cliffs where he'd sat alone and broken, and where her heart had heard the call of his and pulled him back from the abyss. The cliffs where, after a night of soul mingling, body ascending, all-encompassing love, they'd jumped, naked as the day they were born, into the stirring waters below.

"What are you thinking about," she asked, her arms reaching for him and pulling him close. His chest pressed into her breasts as her legs wrapped around him, her warm skin heating him from within.

"Just how lucky I am, and how much I love you and our life," he answered, a hand gently sweeping a long curl back off her face.

"We make a good team you and me, Jake."

"That we do Nessie… that we do."

She lifted her head off the pillow, straining to press her lips to his. He stooped down, kissing her long and hard until her head rested back on the pillow. His hands wandered over her curves, over the soft swell of her stomach, and into her waist. His fingers found a breast, kneading and circling the hardened nipple as he continued to kiss her.

"Make love to me, Jacob," she pled, her voice deep and husky with need. Her fingers slipped down the valley of his spine, counting the vertebrae.

He lay his body across her, their skin touching at almost every point. Their passion pulsed between, their energy in sync and in harmony with the other.

"Always, Ness. I will love you forever," he said as his lips met hers once more.

And then he dove, heart, body and soul, feet first in to the depth of their love.

* * *

**Yes, it's really over now... **

**Thanks so much for reading, so grateful for you all.**

**May the light within me honor the light within you. Namaste.**

**Marina.**


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